Chapter 9

Today will be better, he thought to himself before getting out of his bed. He didn't really believe it, but he had read somewhere that positive affirmations were a common therapy for those suffering from mental illness. He then began to question if that was what he had…a mental illness. He pondered whether he was he defective or damaged. Was he always this way deep down or was it triggered by the war? What would a psychiatrist even diagnose him with? Was there a medical term used for people who vividly dreamed about the people they were forced to torture? Maybe St. Mungo's should admit him permanently. He could have his very own bed between Professor Lockhart and Frank Longbottom.

He then realized that he wasn't very good at the whole positive affirmation thing. He probably wasn't supposed to start thinking such depressing thoughts immediately after doing them.

Draco eventually convinced himself to get up and get ready for the day. He looked at himself in the mirror of the Slytherin bathroom with distaste. The bruise surrounding his eye was a deep purple, with a slight yellow halo around it. It didn't help that the lack of sleep was causing him to have large bags under his eyes. His blond hair was longer than he normally kept it, and all around, he looked messy.

He tried to fix his hair and used a spell to lighten the bruise, but still he hated the way he looked. He grabbed his white and green tie and tightened it around his neck. Feeling the constriction on his throat, he tried to think positive again…today will be better.

The Great Hall was full of chatter and disrespectful glances. Rumours about the fight had gone wild, and just about everyone in the school believed it was all Draco's fault.

"I heard he tried to attack Harry out of nowhere, but Harry's amazing dueling skills were no match for him," he overheard a younger student gossiping to their friends.

People would always hear what they wanted to hear. Harry and Ron would always be the heroes and Draco always the villain. No one would ever believe he had acted the way he did because he was trying to protect Hermione… although to his disappointment, his actions had not successfully done that. If anything, they might have made things worse for her.

He scanned the Gryffindor table for her. Close to the end, he spotted her untamed brown hair. To his surprise, Ginny was sitting beside her instead of at the other end of the table with Ron. Draco was relieved to know Hermione wasn't alone.

As he ate his breakfast, he periodically looked over to make sure everything was okay. He seemed overly protective of her this morning. Probably because he was worried that she would experience the same ostracization that he had been experiencing all year. He hoped his reputation hadn't ruined things for her. As he sipped his juice, a bird flew overhead and dropped a letter on Draco's lap.

Draco,

Your mother wrote me late last night to inform me of your letter. We did not raise you to speak in such a tone to your elders. Have some respect. You will apologize to your mother AND you will attend the visitation on the fifteenth, if not for me, for your mother. No exceptions. Do as you are told.

L.M

Draco clenched his fist and bit his teeth tight together. It was bold of his father to assume he could still control him. He pulled his wand from his cloak, lit the paper on fire, and watched it burn away. He looked back to Hermione and took three deep breaths trying to calm himself.

Returning to an acceptable state for the breakfast table, Draco pretended to listen to Nott's story about some plan to steal something from some teacher. He could care less what they were saying. He glanced back to Hermione whenever his mind wandered.

His heart jumped when he looked back to her. She was darting her hand across the table towards Ginny. When he concluded nothing bad had happened, he wondered what they were talking about and what had caused her to almost spill the entire container of pumpkin juice on the table.

"Draco? Earth to Draco…" Blaise called, bringing his attention back to his own table.

"Uhhh what? Sorry I wasn't paying attention."

"Too busy staring at little miss Granger," Nott laughed.

"I was asking you what's going on with you two."

"Hermione and I?" Draco questioned.

"No, you and Professor Trelawney… yes you idiot. Obviously, I'm talking about Granger," Blaise teased.

"Not really sure to be honest," he confessed. "We haven't actually spoken since the kiss."

"Well, you're going to have to do something sooner or later. Unless you've decided you aren't obsessed with her."

"I am not obsessed with her Blaise. And I guess I'll see her in transfiguration today."

Nott and Blaise looked at each other and shook their head.

"You're hopeless. Seeing her in class is not enough," Blaise stated, "you won't be able to have a real conversation with her in front of everyone. You have to do something bold. Ask her on a real date or something. Make it classy."

"If Weasley gave you a black eye over a kiss," Pansy chimed in, "I can't wait to see what you look like after a whole date."

"He's not going to let Weasley decide who he can and can't date," Nott replied. "Right?"

"Obviously not. I'll think of something."


Draco spent majority of his muggle studies class brainstorming what he should do. He knew he couldn't do anything too flashy, because getting other student's attention would likely make their problems worse. But he also knew it should be somewhat special, because Blaise had told him to do something bold.

Draco vaguely could hear his professor droning on about the British Monarchy and muggle laws. He heard the peculiar rule that muggles had created that gave ownership of all swans to the Queen of England, which completely baffled Draco. Why would anyone want to own an entire species of birds?

As he continued to ponder a way to get Hermione's attention, without it being completely obvious, he noticed that there was a pair of girls sitting in the front of the class that were passing notes without the professor realizing. It gave Draco a wonderful idea.

When class ended, he headed directly to transfiguration, hoping he could get there just after Hermione, but before the entire class was around. His timing was impeccable. When he entered the room, Ginny and Hermione were sitting at the back of the class. A handful of other students had arrived as well, but they were busy talking with their friends and thus, would not be paying attention to him.

He walked down the row of desks she was sitting in and gave subtle smile as he passed. With his wand down by his side, as to not draw attention, he gave it a slight flick and conjured a beautiful paper swan on her desk. Inside the origami bird, was a note, inviting her to meet him in the room of requirement at 5 PM that evening.

It was the perfect place for them to get away from everyone. Draco had visited the room after the war and there was only ever evidence of the fire when it was specifically asked to be the room for hiding objects. Draco therefore concluded that he could pace by the wall three times thinking about how he needed a perfect place for a date and assumed a beautiful room would appear for the two of them.

As he turned to take his seat, he glanced back to Hermione. Both Ginny and she were admiring the magic and had just noticed the writing on the inside.

When Professor McGonagall started her lesson, Draco wished he was sitting at the back of the class instead of her. That way, he would have been able to watch her read the note and known her reaction. He resisted the urge to turn around to see what she was doing.

Finally, they were allowed to stand and practice converting their chairs into animals. For the first portion of spell work, Hermione seemed distracted, but in a good way. Draco hoped this meant she was excited about meeting with him.

When Professor McGonagall called her out for not being focused, he saw determination return to her eyes. This was the Hermione Draco had grown up with. This was the Hermione who cared a little too much about her schoolwork. Back in their younger years, Draco would have detested this Hermione. But now, he thought it was admirable how much passion she had.

She transfigured her chair into a gorgeous bird with vivid colours. For a moment, he thought, maybe the word gorgeous wasn't fitting to describe it because maybe that word belongs only to her.

When she was done showing off her impressive skills, she noticed that Draco had also transfigured his chair into a bird. Only his bird was pure white. He swished his wand and the swan that sat by his feet shank into the origami version he had given her at the beginning of class. He charmed it to fly towards her, delivering yet another message.

Back to being a show-off Granger?

Nicely done… the bird was almost as beautiful as you.

After she read the note, the bird flew back to Draco and transformed into a real swan. With another swish of his wand, his chair was returned. The smile on Hermione's face told Draco everything he needed to know. She too was excited to meet with him that evening.


"Damn Draco," Blaise admired, "that was a nice move. You nervous to meet with her?"

Blaise and Nott were sitting across from Draco in the Slytherin common room.

"Excited."

"So, what you thinking? Ask the room to conjure a bed for the two of you?" Blaise questioned.

"I was actually planning on taking your advice and keeping it classy," Draco smirked. "Probably just a dinner or at least something more subtle than a bed."

Nott laughed, "Don't let Pansy hear about how romantic this date is going to be. If she does, she'll be all over me about how I never do anything nice for her like that…"

"Well, she's not wrong," Blaise laughed. "The most romantic thing I've seen you do for her is open the door. And I'm ninety percent sure you only do that to check her out while she walks by."

Nott threw a book at Blaise's head, but it missed. "Oh, shut up. At least I'm not juggling multiple girls at once. How many are you talking to now? Five?"

"Only three at the moment. I mixed up my meeting times and Viola ended up walking in on me and Penelope. Needless to say, neither of them is speaking to me."

"You idiot," Nott said rolling his eyes.

"Well, you two have fun. I'm off to go set up the room."

Draco stood from the leather couch and made his way out of the Slytherin common room. As he was leaving, he could hear Nott making fun of Blaise for being just like his mother.

He hiked up the moving stairs to the seventh floor of the castle. He turned left down the corridor and paced by the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy three times, thinking deeply about how he needed a room for a date that nobody, but Hermione, could find.

On the third pass, large arching doors appeared on the previously bare wall across from the tapestry. He creaked the door open and walked inside. In the center of the room was a circular table covered in a white tablecloth with two chairs. The table was set with elegant silverware, and light pink flower petals were sprinkled in the center. Above the table, a linen canopy was hung, and hundreds of candles floated in the air. It was absolutely magnificent. Draco just hoped it wasn't too much.

He checked his watch to see that he still had ten minutes before she would be arriving. Uncomfortably fidgeting with the collar of his shirt, he started to over think everything. Never on the note had he explicitly stated that this was a date… What if Hermione didn't want this to be a date? What if she thought they were just meeting to talk?

Scared that he was taking this too far, he decided to make some slight adjustments to the room. He removed the flower petals from the table and swapped the fine silverware for something more casual. He drastically reduced the number of candles floating in the air but opted to keep the canopy as it was. Relooking at the room, it now had a cute but casual hangout aesthetic, rather than a romantic date.

Draco rechecked his watch to see that it was now 5:05 PM. Hermione was rarely late for things. Draco recalled that her pristine punctuality had actually annoyed him in their first year at Hogwarts. It seemed odd that she would be late today.

He continued to check his watch every few minutes as he waited. When he noticed she was ten minutes late, he got stressed, wondering if something was wrong. After the clock hit 5:15, he worried that she had reconsidered meeting with him. By the time the clock read 5:30, Draco was slumped in one of the chairs with his head resting on his hand.

She wasn't coming…

At first it made him feel isolated and lost.

She wasn't coming…

Then he started to feel depressed.

She wasn't coming…

The more those words went through his head, the more it hurt.

She wasn't coming…

Draco replayed her smile in transfiguration in his head. She made it seem like she wanted to meet with him. So why wasn't she here?

He waited until 6:00, just in case she was going to show up and explain what had made her late. When she never did, he walked out of the room feeling lower than he had felt in weeks. He scanned the halls on the walk back to his common room, wondering if he would see her somewhere in the castle. If he didn't see her, at the very least, maybe he would see something that could explain why she never showed up. Unfortunately, there was nothing to see.

Blaise and Nott looked confused when he entered the common room.

"Back so soon?" Nott asked

"That can't be a good sign," Blaise added.

"She never showed up…"

They both gave Draco a consoling look and made space for him on the couch.

"Who never showed up?" Pansy asked from across the room.

Blaise answered for him, "Granger… he was supposed to meet with her."

"Granger's with the golden boys," Pansy responded casually.

Draco's head shot towards her. "Is she okay?"

"She's fine, I think. I only saw them from across the yard, but I'm pretty sure Weasley had his arm around her." She said it naturally, but something about Pansy seemed pleased to provide this information. Pleased to break Draco's heart.

Blaise made an uncomfortable noise and then sighed, "I guess she's back to being the golden girl. Sorry."

Nott walked around the table to grab something from a cabinet. When he returned, he placed a bottle and several shot glasses in front of Draco and Blaise. He poured the brown liquid into the glass. "Looks like you might need a drink."

Draco reached for the glass, shot back the liquid, and placed it back on the table. He nodded his head towards the cup, asking for another on. This continued for several minutes. By the time it slowed, Draco could feel a strong burning sensation in his stomach.

The thought of Hermione going back to that Weasley idiot made him want to punch a wall. She was the only thing that made him excited to get out of bed in the morning, and now she was gone. His fist clenched and slammed onto the table, "FUCK!" he cursed.

Nott patted Draco on the back and said, "It sucks man, it really does. But fuck her. She'd always think she was better than us Slytherins anyways. You're probably better off without her."

A group of Slytherin girls entered the common room giggling. Blaise eyed them and suggested, "I think we just need to find you a rebound… What do you say Malfoy, replace the Gryffindor with someone a little more… agreeable?"

Draco was furious, hurt, confused, completely pissed off, and he was also drunk. All of that combined to make him want nothing more than to get back at Hermione for what she had done to him. He wanted to prove that he didn't need her. And so, he nodded in agreeance.

The night blurred together. He vaguely recalled Blaise calling the Slytherin girls over to their table to play some drinking games. A few of them denied the offer. Something about it being Monday and that they couldn't possibly get drunk on a school night. Those that joined, were clearly open for having a fun night… no matter what that meant.

The shots had gone directly to his head and he could only piece together portions of what was going on. Whatever game they were playing was working, because it seemed majority of the table was in the same state as him. Additionally, the game had caused many members of their Monday night party to remove various articles of clothing. Draco himself was sitting on the couch without a shirt, although his tie had managed to stay around his neck.

He was sitting beside Adelaide Murton, the Slytherin who had been with Daphne at the party Hermione attended. Draco noticed she was no longer wearing the dress she had come in with, but instead had his shirt on and nothing else. He wondered when in the game that occurred.

More of the night flashed by, and before he knew it, Draco was upstairs in his room removing his own shirt from Adelaide's body. With every button, more of her chest was revealed. Eventually Draco became impatient and tore the remaining buttons apart. He lifted her onto a dresser, and she wrapped her legs around his hips. Her nails dug into his back and Draco enjoyed the subtle pain.

She was nothing like Hermione. Her hair was sleek and golden. It draped down her back like a vail. When he kissed her, her lips were not soft and sweet but instead rough. Her demeanor with Draco was more aggressive and obvious. This wasn't love, or even lust. No. For Draco, this was an act of anger. He bit her neck knowing he was leaving marks. She responded by pulling at the root of his hair. Maybe for her it was an act of anger too.

His right hand wrapped around Adelaide's neck with a slight pressure, while his left pulled her tight against his body. He undid the button of his trousers and pulled the zipper down. She bit on his lower lip and arched her back. Her hands were placed at Draco's hips, pulling him towards her.

Draco thrusted forward, angry that she was not Hermione. She moaned in his ear and dug her nails deeper into his skin. He thrust again, angry that the Gryffindors always ended up on top. Adelaide kissed his neck. He thrust again, angry that his parents thought they could control him.

Anger, passion, love, hate, pain and pleasure all combined into one. Nothing was black and white; everything was a grey blur. The rest of the night faded from his memory but the last thought he remembered having was that today was not better.