AN: "Healing" by Fletcher inspired this chapter. "I can't erase all the things that I've done, but all the mistakes made me who I've become." These lyrics in particular really speak to where Kate and Lucy are at in the chapter. I think what floored so many shippers about 1x20 was how it didn't just take away the progress they made from when Kate apologized in the bullpen. Lucy didn't just lash out again. It changed the trajectory of their relationship. Now, the first time either has told the other they were in love was essentially to hurt them with their words and speak out of anger. That scene was heartbreaking and disappointing…and was followed by the reason I now hate rain checks…because they can't take any of these interactions back. They can heal and eventually move forward, but that will always be one of their first memories when Lucy and Kate think about how they said those three words to each other. Now, with my 1x20 rant out of the way, back to the story. Time to go back to Hawai'i and start healing.
Chapter 3 - Healing by Fletcher
The flight to Hawai'i was longer than she remembered. It seemed to drag for her, but her team was eager and very curious. It was the first time they would get a look into her life, the one she kept locked away and hidden. While Zeinab stayed back in New York, she was in constant contact with Maya and Kate did her best to ignore the gossiping she knew the two of them were engaging in. She received updates on Kai from Jane and checked in with Carlos as he worked from the plane to catch up on the case. He briefed them before they touched down and Kate headed to the hospital while Maya and Carlos got settled. When she arrived, Kai's father was in his hospital room sitting beside his bed and she gave an awkward wave as she knocked on the open door.
"Mr. Holman, sorry to bother you. I'm just a work friend here to check on Kai. How's he doing?" Before his father could answer, Kai's eyes slowly opened as he turned toward her.
"Whistler, what are you doing here," asked Kai with a small smile. His father stood up and stretched.
"I'm going to get something to eat. I'll be back," he said.
"Bring me back some real food," called Kai and his father chuckled. Kate sat down in the chair beside his bed.
"How are you feeling?"
"Like I got shot in the leg."
"That sounds about right." He chuckled.
"I'll be fine. What are you doing here?"
"Just trying to help find the person responsible. Do you remember anything that could help with that?"
"Seemed routine, just checking out a lead. Jesse ran point, I watched his six, the usual. Next thing I know, I'm hit and on the ground."
"What lead?"
"The Marine's house was clean, no sign of a struggle, but Ernie found this place on his GPS, an old shack."
"And you didn't see who shot you?"
"Nope, we took cover and called for backup. By the time some arrived, they were gone."
"Get some rest. I'll check in with the others and see what we can find."
"You really came all this way for me? Heard you been kicking ass in New York and you dropped all that?"
"Who did you hear that from?" Kai smiled and shrugged.
"Little birdie."
"Ernie, huh?"
"Always Ernie, but seriously, thank you. I know you aren't just here for me, but I appreciate it."
"Your team's a member down. I'm just here to help track down who do this while you recover." Kate stood up and Kai shifted in his bed to try to get more comfortable in the brace his legs was in.
"One more thing, it really did seem like it came out of nowhere. Jesse and I checked the area and our blind spots before we approached, but the place was in a secluded area in the woods and the shot came from behind us, somewhere in the trees. Tennant already had it swept, but didn't find much." Kate nodded her understanding before exiting the room.
"Interrogating my team already," called a familiar voice behind her and she smiled as she turned around to see Jane walking toward her.
"Don't worry, I went easy on him." Jane smiled and pulled Kate in for a warm embrace. Kate sighed in relief as she hugged her friend.
"I'm glad he's okay," said Kate.
"Me too. I should've been out there with him."
"Any leads," asked Kate as they headed back down the hallway.
"No, none, not even one, which is strange, almost…"
"Intentional."
"How did you know?"
"Carlos has been digging into Everett's past, but there's nothing. He's clean, too clean."
"Ernie found the same thing."
"You know what that probably means," said Kate and Jane smiled slyly.
"It means you're finally going to have to be on my side of it for once. This one is even more of a stickler for the rules than you were. It should be fun."
"You and I have very different definitions of fun," said Kate as she followed her friend out of the hospital so they could get to work.
While she asked her team to meet her in the NCIS bullpen, she and Jane headed to the DIA headquarters to speak with the current liaison. Jane sighed as they stepped off of the elevator and toward the office.
"DIA has been stonewalling us since we found Everett's body."
"Which means they know something you can't, who is the liaison?"
"Gabe Adams."
"They assigned Adams?"
"Yep and he's a real hard ass."
"More like a kiss ass."
"So then what's the play here?" Kate smiled slyly at her.
"Our favorite."
"Bad cop, bad cop," said Jane with a nod.
"Just like old times," said Kate before following her into Adams' office. The man sighed when he saw them walk in and close his door.
"NCIS Special Agent in Charge Tennant, I already told you…Whistler?"
"How about we cut all the small talk and do what needs to be done, Adams? You give us the intel. We'll keep it protected and only use what is pertinent to our case," assured Kate.
"Our case," he questioned as he gulped and Jane sat down in front of him. He squirmed under her intimidating stare and Kate nodded as she leaned against his desk.
"You're in a bit of a predicament here. Trust me, I get it. I've been there, but either you give it to us now or I get it later. Either way, we're getting it."
"Getting what," asked Adams and Jane leaned forward as she glared at him.
"The file on the person you think is responsible for shooting my agent," said Jane. Adams shook his head.
"I can neither confirm nor deny…"
"And the Marine? Care to explain why there is nothing on him and why DIA is interfering with our investigation into the shooting of an NCIS Special Agent," asked Kate.
"You of all people know I can't answer that. That intel could compromise hundreds of our soldiers. I remember when that used to mean something to you." Kate's jaw clenched in anger and Jane smirked as she stood up.
"You know what? I'm just going to step outside for a second," said Jane when she saw the look on Kate's face.
"Wait, um, Tennant," called Adams as the door shut behind her.
"What did you just say to me," asked Kate and he sighed.
"I just meant…"
"Do you know why I became a DIA officer, why I chose your position over others," asked Kate as she stared the man down.
"No."
"For the soldiers, the ones that didn't get to go home to their families because someone in an office somewhere didn't do their job, so yes, I get it, Adams. Your job is to keep the red tape in line. My job is to make sure the red tape stays in line, while not crossing actual agents and soldiers in the process."
"It's not that simple. Everett was part of a highly classified mission."
"Then sift through the intel, give us what we need to find the person responsible for killing Everett and attempting to kill Holman. I didn't say it was a simple job. I just said it was a job you were going to do," said Kate as she stood up.
"If that intel leaks…"
"It won't."
"Are you willing to bet your career on it," challenged Adams and Kate shoved her hands into her pockets.
"The intel won't leak."
"That's what will happen, you know? You think we haven't all heard about what big shot you think you are in New York now? None of that matters if that intel ends up in the wrong hands. Are you really willing to bet your career on an NCIS case?"
"Everett is dead and Holman is in a hospital because this agency is sitting on valuable information. Give us what we need to catch the killer," demanded Kate and Adams sighed.
"Fine, it will need to be released into your custody as the head of a joint terrorism task force, not theirs. I can get it to you by morning."
"Thank you," said Kate before leaving the office and Adams sighed in relief. Jane glanced over at her as they walked out.
"What," asked Kate and Jane shrugged.
"I know what you did in there. Thank you for vouching for us."
"You've vouched for me plenty."
"Always will," assured Jane with a nod.
"Good to know."
"You did manage to make me the good cop, though."
"Did I?"
"Okay, better cop," conceded Jane.
"My apologies, I'm rusty," teased Kate as Jane shook with mirth. As soon as Kate followed Jane into the elevator, her nerves started up. The year away felt like no time at all for her anxiety. She remembered every moment, good and bad, especially in that elevator, and tried to steady her resolve. She was there to work, nothing more, and had her team to help her. As soon as the elevator doors opened, she saw Maya and Carlos standing beside the entrance of the bullpen waiting on her with their backpacks and gear. Jane gave them a nod in acknowledgment before glancing at Kate.
"I'll go get Ernie so proper introductions can be made. Be right back," said Jane. Kate nodded and headed over to her team. Maya eyed her carefully.
"Oh, this is going to be interesting. Zeinab was right. There's a lot of history here," said Maya.
"Let's talk rules. One, our objective is simple. We find out who attacked the NCIS team and take them down. Two, no prying. It's time to focus. Whoever shot Kai has no problem taking out agents, so lock in, understood," asked Kate and they nodded.
"You got it, boss," agreed Carlos.
"Of course," agreed Maya.
"Let's get you briefed and acquainted with the team." They followed her inside the bullpen where Jesse and Lucy were waiting for them. For a split second, the memory of the first day she decided that nothing could happen between her and Lucy replayed in her mind. They'd just found out who each other really was and the conflicts of interest for her as a DIA Officer were clear. She found her resolve then, even though it eventually waned, and found it now walking into the bullpen once again. Jane re-entered with Ernie as both teams approached each other.
"Maya, Carlos, this is NCIS SAC Jane Tennant, her Senior Special Agent Jesse Boone, Junior Special Agent Lucy Tara, and Cyber Intelligence Specialist Ernie Malik. This is BAU Field Agent Maya Jamali and Cyber Intelligence Specialist Carlos León," introduced Kate and Jane shook their hands.
"Thank you for coming. We've heard great things," said Jane.
"Sorry it couldn't be under better circumstances. It isn't every day we get to meet the boss's friends," said Maya.
"Where should I set up," asked Carlos and Ernie smiled brightly.
"I made some space for you in my lair," informed Ernie. Kate rolled her eyes when Carlos turned to her excitedly.
"Lair, he has a lair? I want a lair," said Carlos.
"Noted. We'll have to wait until morning to get access to the DIA files on Everett," said Kate.
"You two managed to get DIA to hand them over? How," asked Jesse and Jane glanced at Kate, who cleared her throat.
"I have certain access and assured them it would be used properly. Whatever Everett was working on was highly classified," informed Kate.
"Which means it probably got him killed," said Maya. Jane sighed.
"Well, as much as I hate to waste another minute, we can't do much without that intel, so how about dinner? I'm sure you are hungry after all that traveling. You should come over for dinner," suggested Jane. Maya and Carlos nodded, but Kate hesitated.
"That's not necessary," assured Kate and Maya noticed the way Jane placed her hand on Kate's shoulder.
"Alex and Julie would love to see you," added Jane and Kate sighed, but nodded. She glanced over at Lucy, noticing how the brunette hadn't said a word the entire time. Lucy seemed content to look at everyone but her.
"Sure," conceded Kate and Maya grinned.
"Good, it's always best to break bread with people before you work with them. We'll go get the car," said Maya as Carlos frowned in confusion at his boss's sudden fidgeting. He followed Maya as Jane pulled out her phone.
"I'm going to call the kids to let them know we'll have guests and then check on Kai," informed Jane before heading to her office. Jesse nudged Ernie and cleared his throat.
"We'll meet you there," said Jesse before getting out of dodge. He pulled Ernie away by the collar as the man's eyes darted back and forth between Kate and Lucy. Kate shoved her hands into her pockets and Lucy crossed her arms.
"Hi," said Kate.
"Hi, thanks for coming," said Lucy.
"I'm sorry about Kai. He seems in good spirits, though. I'm sure he'll be back in the field in no time."
"I just want to catch whoever do this."
"Agreed, so then, are we good," asked Kate and Lucy gave a small nod.
"We're good," she agreed.
"Good," mumbled Kate before heading out of the bullpen. Lucy took the chance to sigh in relief as she watched Kate leave. The last time she saw her played in her mind often and all the emotions rushed back in quicker than she expected. She'd spent the past year trying to get over her and yet the moment she entered the bullpen again with her team, time felt more like it had stood still than ever moved forward.
Maya and Carlos were whispering back and forth to one another the entire time Kate drove them to Jane's house for dinner. She shook her head in amusement at the two of them. She often left them to figure out their own dynamics and preferred to only intervene when necessary, but tended to keep an eye on them. Leading a task force was never something she thought she would be good at when she first joined the DIA. She figured she would be too rigid, too Type A in personality, but her time in Hawai'i brought her more balance than she originally realized. She just allowed herself to get off kilter at times. As soon as they pulled into the driveway of the Tennant Residence, Jane was waiting for them and Maya and Carlos were out of the car.
"Shoes off when you enter," called Kate as they hurried inside and Jane smiled appreciatively at her.
"Thanks for coming. It looks like they are happy for the invite as well. I'm sure it was a long flight."
"If I'm being honest, I've probably been pushing them harder than I should at times. How do you always make it look so easy," asked Kate and Jane smirked.
"We both know I've made my mistakes, but you learn from them. You're doing a great job. I've been keeping tabs on your work in New York and it's clear your team respects you."
"Thanks, that's quite the compliment coming from you. I always admired how you can be structured and yet make your team feel like they aren't just expendable. I always wanted that."
"And now you have it, but to be clear, you weren't expendable before either," assured Jane. Before Kate could respond, Alex and Julie ran outside to greet her.
"Kate," exclaimed Julie and Kate laughed as Julie hugged her tightly.
"Hey, how are you doing? Alex, how's school? I heard you're training again."
"Coach thinks I can walk on, maybe even get a scholarship for next year," said Alex as he hugged her as well.
"That's awesome and Julie, I haven't forgotten. I brought your 'I love New York' shirt. It's in the car," said Kate and Julie happily hugged her again. Jane scoffed.
"Julie, I've been to New York plenty of times and offered to get you a shirt," said Jane.
"Yeah, but this one is from an actual, authentic New Yorker, mom," said Julie as if it was the simplest explanation in the world. Jane playfully rolled her eyes and Alex chuckled as he smiled charmingly at Kate.
"Welcome back, your friends seem cool too. Mom, we'll pull out the rest of the food," informed Alex.
"Thanks," she said as the kids jogged back inside. Kate shook her head in astonishment.
"They seem way more grown up. It's only been a year. What happened?"
"I know, right? Finally, someone gets it. Daniel thinks I'm being dramatic, but they are practically adults with 401Ks now."
"Pension plans in place and everything," agreed Kate and both giggled.
"It's good to have you back," said Jane. Suddenly, Kate's phone rang and she sighed.
"I should take this."
"Of course, we'll be out on the back porch." Kate nodded and answered as she sat down in one of the chairs on the front porch of the house.
"Hey, any luck," asked Kate and she could tell by Zeinab's tone that it wasn't good news. As Kate spoke to the special agent, Lucy stepped out onto the porch. She was curious where Kate was and if she was hiding. After all, their last interactions hadn't been the best. With Kate distracted on the phone, she took a moment to take her in. She looked more casual and comfortable in her jeans, blue blouse, and black leather jacket. Her black boots seemed more sensible than the flats or heels she often wore while in Hawai'i, but also confirmed what Lucy already knew. She worked in the field more than before.
After Kate left, it took Lucy a while to confront the feelings and emotions that blindsided her. Ernie's kahuna helped, but it took time for her to move past the hurt and surface-level feelings, the ones easier to lash out with than to reflect on. However, once Kate was in New York, she did ask Ernie to do her a favor and keep tabs on her to make sure she was safe. That is how she found out she worked out in the field and Lucy spent many nights worrying if Kate was okay. The last time she saw her in the field, she was on the ground, bloody, dazed, and almost died. It took months, and many talks with Ernie, for Lucy to accept that the Kate who blindly ran into a dangerous situation was not the Kate running a task force in New York. She still looked like the woman she fell in love with, though. She still frowned and clenched her jaw when she was stressed. She still had the same mannerisms and tended to be distracted while on the phone, but there was a difference that Lucy was trying to place. Ever since meeting her, she had either been Kate or Whistler, never both. Either she was soft, gentle, and at times goofy or she was hard, focused, and calculated. Lucy had fallen in love with both sides and yet it was the first time she was seeing both at once. She wasn't one or the other, she was just her. Kate ran a hand through her hair as she hung up and sat back in the chair. Lucy could tell she was processing something.
"Everything okay," asked Lucy as she approached and Kate cleared her throat as she straightened back up.
"Lucy, hi. Um, yeah, fine. Thanks. I should get inside."
"Kate, I can tell something is going on. You don't have to keep it all bottled up," she informed as she sat down beside her.
"Actually, that's exactly what I have to do."
"No, that's what you choose to do. There's a difference." Kate shook her head in disbelief.
"You never did get that part."
"What part?"
"The job of it all. The intel, the secrets…"
"Oh, you made it very clear you were good at keeping secrets," grumbled Lucy.
"Wow, ten whole seconds to bring it up. That might just be a record." Lucy sighed and slowly nodded.
"You're right. That wasn't fair. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." Kate was surprised by the admission and sat back in her chair.
"I didn't mean secrets in my personal life. I was talking about professionally. I know I was wrong for keeping things from you. I guess when you have to keep so many things to yourself, it becomes harder to compartmentalize. It slipped into parts of my life that it shouldn't have, but it was never about hurting you. What happened between us, holding back, that was a mistake. I was talking about work, though, the professional side of it. I can't just say whatever I want because I feel like sharing. It's highly classified and could get a lot of people in a lot of trouble or worse." Lucy slowly nodded.
"I get that. I mean, I didn't think about it all the time before, but I get it. I know you had pressure on you from a lot of different people and I didn't always consider that. I just wish you would've known you could trust me, even with the parts that seem too hard to trust others with. I would never tell information that you said needed to stay between us. I get the secrets, we all have them, we all also have at least someone else to share them with and I know I wasn't always the best at communicating that, but that's all I was looking for with you." Lucy stood up to leave, but Kate reached out to stop her. The moment their hands touched, they both gulped and Kate pulled back.
"Sorry, um, I just…you're right. I do need someone to talk to, but I'm not sure if you're that person." Lucy flinched at the words and Kate quickly shook her head.
"Not because I don't want you to be. It's just it could be related to the case and if it is, we're all going to want to run head first in, but if it isn't and we're wrong, it could cause a lot of problems. I know Kai was hurt, this is personal, but…"
"We're going to get the person responsible no matter what, but not at the expense of other people. I understand if you need to keep it to yourself, but I promise you can trust me. You always could. I just needed to understand what the situation was." Kate slowly nodded and Lucy sat back down. She could tell she was mulling over her options.
"Turn your cell off, please. They always say it's secure but trust me, after working with Carlos, I've learned better," she informed as she turned hers off. Lucy did as well and leaned closer to her.
"What's going on?"
"Zeinab has connections from previous work and agencies. She's been trying to find anyone who can tell us what the DIA may be keeping from us and now I know why. There were a couple of former special ops members that may have gone rogue. They found one on a highly classified mission, very need to know and we don't need to know, but there's another who may end up in that DIA file tomorrow. If so, we could be dealing with an extremely dangerous individual."
"Gone rogue, meaning what exactly, like terrorism? We originally thought an extremist group was linked."
"Not sure, but it has to stay quiet because whether it's true or not, something like that getting out could cause panic, especially if Zeinab is right. She could be wrong though and if so, then we are worrying about nothing. I am worrying about nothing. My brain is going a million miles an hour for no reason and…" Lucy grabbed her hands and gave them a comforting squeeze.
"Kate, it's okay. You can tell me. I won't tell. If she's right, what does that mean?" Kate glanced down at their intertwined hands and took in a deep breath to calm her nerves.
"We could be dealing with a sniper, a highly trained sniper." Lucy sat back in her chair and slowly nodded.
"Oh."
"Yep," said Kate as she stared up at the sky. Lucy glanced down at where their hands were still linked and noticed that Kate didn't make a move to pull away.
"I won't tell anyone," assured Lucy.
"Not even Ernie?"
"Definitely not Ernie, no one needs him snooping around in databases and getting himself into trouble over something that may or may not be confirmed."
"Thank you." Kate gave her hand a squeeze before pulling back and both immediately felt the sense of loss.
"Of course," said Lucy. They sat in comfortable silence for a moment as the breeze washed over them. It was the first time in a very long time the two were able to sit in silence without awkward tension. It used to be the norm for their relationship until everything went wrong and Lucy smiled to herself as she thought about early mornings in bed. There was no need for words when simple touches and looks said enough. It was something she realized in the months after Kate's departure. At first, she didn't think there were, with her so in her own head and worried about her own heart, but there were plenty of moments when both showed how they felt. There were also plenty of moments when both had opportunities to confess those feelings, but never took them.
"So um, besides rushing to the islands to help us take down whoever is behind this, how have you been? How is New York," asked Lucy. She could sense the stress in Kate over the possibility of a sniper being on the loose and wanted to change the subject, something Kate noticed as well. She gave an appreciative smile.
"New York has been busy."
"Maya and Carlos seem cool."
"They're great. I found people to have that beer with at the end of the day. It's kind of become our tradition. Some cases are harder than others, sometimes we don't get the result we want, but we talk to each other about it and know we looked out for each other no matter what."
"I'm really happy you have that now, Kate. I know how much you've always wanted it."
"I didn't realize how important it was to me until I met you and your team," she admitted and Lucy swallowed hard as she began to fidget.
"So after these beers at the end of the day, do you…go home to someone," Lucy questioned. She tried to keep the question light and conversational, but Kate heard the shift in her tone.
"My roommate, Dylan, she was my sorority sister and best friend in college. She already had a place in New York and it was nice not coming home to an empty apartment. She even joins us for beers sometimes and is constantly pestering me about dating, but I don't have the time. I also haven't exactly made the time for it either. I think I needed to take some time to find myself, remind myself who I was, but also figure out who I wanted to be. What about you? Who do you go home to at the end of the day?"
"No one," said Lucy and she noticed Kate's frown.
"Why does that surprise you," asked Lucy and Kate scoffed.
"Maybe because you were dating and recovering pretty quickly when I left. I just figured by now, you'd be on your way to getting hitched." She looked away and internally scolded herself for the phrasing and word vomit as Lucy looked down.
"Well, I'm not. I was searching, testing out things, seeing what could work for me and what didn't, but you know how it is. Work got in the way. Maybe a part of me wanted it to. It isn't always easy to find someone who gets it when you have to leave in the middle of dinner or stay out all night. Even when I found someone who didn't seem to mind much, I…I don't know," said Lucy as she looked away and Kate slowly nodded.
"I think our line of work makes it very hard to trust and very easy to hide. When you track down the worst of the worst for a living, it's hard not to put up barriers around your heart to protect yourself."
"Yeah, it can be," admitted Lucy.
"Well, besides that, how's life on the islands treating you?"
"The team is good. Well, we've been better, but we always get through it. Plus, you know I love it here."
"Despite the fear of the ocean or have you gotten over that part?"
"Nope, I still stand by the fact that it's a dark abyss no human should ever venture into." Kate giggled.
"Good to know some things never change."
"No, they really don't," said Lucy. Kate felt her stare on her and glanced up to meet her eyes. She felt it immediately, she always did, ever since that first night in that bar, the spark and desire that crackled when they were that close. What surprised her was the anxiety that accompanied it, the unease and fear in the pit of her stomach. She cleared her throat and quickly stood up as she turned back on her phone.
"Well, I um, I should get inside. I'm really glad we talked, Lucy. I missed that, being able to just talk to you."
"Me too," agreed Lucy. Kate walked into the house and Lucy gave herself a minute to catch her breath. When Jane told her that Kate and her team were coming to assist them with the case, she told herself she was prepared. It had been a year. They'd gone their separate ways and it forced them to move on, but as she sat on the porch yet again so close and yet so far, those same feelings crept back in.
Dinner had them in higher spirits than they anticipated. Not only did the teams get along well, with Carlos and Ernie swapping notes and Maya talking to Jesse about raising a daughter in this day and age, Kai was released from the hospital and assured them he was in need of good company and food. Once he was propped up on the couch with a plate in hand, he was content and Jane giggled when she looked back into the house to see him fast asleep. Alex and Julie were playing video games, Maya was still giving Jesse tips about teenage girls, and Lucy watched in amusement as Ernie and Carlos debated the best hackers of all time. Jane glanced over at Kate, who was nursing a beer out on the back porch with her and staring out at the night sky.
"I've missed this," admitted Jane and Kate frowned in confusion.
"Missed what?"
"Having everyone over, having you here."
"I missed being here, but I'm sure you do this all the time. You always had everyone over."
"Things changed a bit after you left." Kate sat up more in her chair as she tried to think about what could have possibly changed.
"How?" Jane sighed and shook her head.
"You never did get that part. To be fair, most of us took it for granted."
"Okay, then spell it out for me."
"You didn't just leave behind the FBI or her when you left, Kate. You left all of us and it took a while to figure out our dynamic again."
"What are you talking about? Your team was still intact. I made sure you had contacts in the FBI and DIA…"
"Yeah, you see how well that has come in handy, right? We had our issues when you were with the DIA, but we understood each other. Not everyone has the same philosophy. For some, the intel is more important than all else. We've been stonewalled on plenty of cases, had to work even harder to find workarounds, some that panned out, but some that didn't. Plus, Curtis wasn't exactly happy with how everything went down. He thought I should've notified him that one of his agents was at risk and was in a situation where she could enter a house without backup."
"Wait, Curtis is still mad about that? That was totally on me."
"You're in charge of a team now. One of them gets hurt on your watch, their decision or not, you okay with that?" Kate looked down and Jane sighed.
"I know you always thought it was just my philosophy, but it's true. Teams are like families, some are all business and even dysfunctional or can't stand each other, but it's a family. You remove a family member, the family feels it. Maybe that was a family member who was a good listener when you needed them to be or followed through in a bind, but those things are priceless in our line of work," explained Jane as she stared up at the sky. Kate noticed the tears in her eyes and swallowed hard.
"Are you mad at me for leaving, Jane?"
"I'm upset that it felt like it was so easy for you to. I'm going to check on Kai and make sure he has his leg elevated enough," she said before heading inside. Kate sighed and ran a hand through her hair as she looked down. She expected for Lucy to be upset with her when she saw her again. Everything between them ended in hurt feelings and harsh words, but she was caught off guard by Jane's reaction. Jane had become her closest friend on the island, but she didn't expect her to care so much about her leaving. In their line of work, people left all the time.
"You should go talk to her." Kate spun around and sighed when she saw Maya standing there.
"What?"
"I've found out some interesting tidbits since we've arrived. They're a very chatty bunch."
"That's because I forgot to warn them that you are never off the damn clock," grumbled Kate. She sighed when Maya looked down.
"Sorry, I know people hate being analyzed. It's a habit and a coping mechanism…and now I'm analyzing myself. Sorry," rambled Maya.
"No, I'm sorry. I know you're just trying to help." Maya sat down beside her and gave her a sympathetic smile.
"I don't know what all happened here. I don't need to, but I know you've smiled more while you've been here than I thought possible."
"What are you talking about? I smile plenty."
"Not like that, not a smile that reaches your eyes, you know that's not just a saying or something that some people do, right? It's something that can't be faked. You smile in New York, but it's different." Kate slowly nodded as she processed the words.
"I don't smile like you smile at Zeinab." Maya's eyes widened and Kate put her hand up to stop her.
"Trust me, no judgment, just an observation."
"And a deflection, but a damn good one, well played, didn't see that one coming. Go talk to your friend. We kind of need her focused tomorrow."
"That's one thing you missed. Jane Tennant always locks in and focuses when it matters. I'll go talk to her, though." Kate patted her on the back in thanks before going in search of her friend. She walked into the house and heard Alex whisper her name. She frowned in confusion when he nodded in the opposite direction of the kitchen, where she assumed she would find Jane with the rest of their teams. She nodded her understanding and headed for the study. Jane was sitting at her desk and Kate closed the door behind her.
"I feel like I'm walking into the principal's office right now…or maybe the school counselor's," Kate teased, but Jane didn't smile. Kate sighed.
"I'm sorry I hurt you, Jane. That isn't what I was trying to do," she added as she sat down.
"I know that and I know it wasn't about me. It just didn't make it any easier when I needed my friend at the end of the day or we had to scramble to figure out what to do now that one of our biggest resources was gone. It didn't change that everyone felt the loss in their own ways, including Alex and Julie."
"I felt it too. I just was able to bury myself in work long enough to not let it swallow me whole, but there were still moments. Times when I would come home and Dylan would be on a date so the place was empty. I would wonder what you were doing or how the kids were or if you had any interesting cases to tell me about."
"Then why didn't you call?"
"Because each call was a reminder of everything I lost here. Jane, I…when I first came to the islands, yes, I was too structured and rigid. I focused solely on my career and cut ties with anything that didn't have to do with that, but I left D.C. for a reason. I left it because I didn't want to be callous and cruel. I didn't want to make decisions behind a desk somewhere that may have been logical for risk assessment but didn't consider the lives impacted. Then, I came here and for the first time in a very long time, I felt like I was a part of something special."
"Then what changed?"
"I lost myself in it. Yes, in Lucy, but in all of it. I wanted so badly to be a part of this team and to be worthy of having that sense of belonging that I ignored every instinct and doubted everything that actually wasn't so bad about me. I never want to go back to being the person I was in D.C., with no time for heart and emotion, but being all heart and emotion? That's dangerous too. That almost got me killed and I realized I was so hurt and beaten down that I needed a change. Could I have found that change here if I was a bit more patient? Maybe, but I left the DIA to get something new and when that didn't work out, I decided on a full reset, for better or worse. I'm sorry you got part of the worse, though."
"I'm sorry I didn't see how bad it had gotten."
"I'm sorry I didn't trust anyone enough to say it, not even you. I don't know if you've noticed this about me, but I have a hard time showing my emotions."
"You," teased Jane and Kate giggled.
"I know, it's hard to believe."
"Shocking."
"But since we're already sharing, and if you ever meet my friend Dylan and tell her this, I will deny it, but you're my best friend, Jane. Not because we talk every day or share every detail of our lives together. I understand friendships like that and enjoy them, but you're my best friend because I can go months without talking to you because of our work or lives and I know we'll be okay."
"You mean you know we'll drop everything we're doing and fly across the country for each other, even if it means facing some parts of our past we aren't exactly looking forward to dealing with," suggested Jane with a smile and Kate winked at her.
"The things I do for you."
"In my defense, I am pretty great." Kate shook with mirth and nodded.
"I'll let you have that one."
"It's been a long week. I think that's fair." Kate's phone buzzed and she sighed when she read the text message.
"Looks like it's about to get longer. Adams talked to my superiors and his, they expedited the request. DIA is ready to give us access." Jane took in a deep breath.
"I'll go make the coffee."
"Big, big pot," grumbled Kate as they both stood up, knowing they were in for a very long night.
AN: So, what did you think of the chapter? I enjoyed having Kate on the other side of the DIA issue with Jane. I am a big fan of Tenstler as friendship goals and love when they team up to interrogate people and get intel. I hope you are enjoying it so far. More soon.
