A Snack on Titan

This scene takes place in the early chapters/episodes of the series, during the expedition beyond the walls. There's a formidable female titan on the loose, some of the Scouts are trapped up in the trees but, even worse than this…

Sasha is hungry.

This one shot was inspired by the Domino's (™) pizza meme which shows Sasha tweeting from within the walls to see if they can deliver. Also, I can't remember who exactly was up in the trees, so I apologise for possible inaccuracies!


JEAN KIRSTEIN HAD experienced many disappointing things in his life, from the mornings when his mother would burn his breakfast omelettes, to late nights in the mess hall where his fellow trainees would listen in rapture to Eren Jaeger's nonsensical bragging. There was, however, very little that could top his current predicament.

With his back pressed into the knobbled bark behind him, Jean's hand clutched the curved grip of his blade. His ears strained over the pounding of horses' hooves and distant cracks of signal flares. To the east, clouds of black smoke rose into the air, sending Jean's stomach plummeting. He edged back against the tree as far as he dared, still keeping hold on his trembling weapon. Sasha had warned them all of the enemy's inevitable approach, and that girl's ears were marketable titan detectors. Perhaps it was merely his imagination, but could Jean discern the crash of forest undergrowth; the sweep of low hanging branches against abnormally large heads; the noise of gigantic limbs as they collided with the giant trees…? Perhaps, even now, they were gaining ground as the scouts waited in vain…

To Jean's left, Sasha crouched down into her hunter's stance. Jean's knuckles blanched as his grip tightened.

"Sasha…?"

"Mmm?" She turned her head, like an animal surveying its feeding ground. In a low voice, she added, "delivery please."

"What?" Jean glanced to the left for some form of explanation. There, Armin was slumped on the next tree branch, his bandaged head resting against its rough bark. His pupils spread like dark pools in his pale face.

"Oh, hello Jean. When did you get here?" he asked vaguely. Jean sighed.

"Reiner, make sure he doesn't fall asleep! He's got a concussion from that fall earlier! Who knows what Sasha's excuse is…?" Jean glanced back around as Sasha's voice rose with insistence.

"No, you see we can't collect right now!" Sasha gulped audibly as she peered down between the lower branches of her tree. A mere ten yards from where they stood, the leaves of a great oak shuddered as a limb was wrenched from its body. The branch was flung up into the air as though it was as hollow as a cardboard tube.

"I… I live in a world which is being attacked by titans! So, please… you just have to deliver to us!"

"Sasha, be quiet," Reiner growled over from his own tree, "the sound of your voice will only attract more of them!"

"Either Sasha's somehow getting our gas and blades restocked or… maybe she has a concussion too?" Jean rubbed at his forehead with his knuckles. "This is hopeless…"

"Who are you talking to?" Mikasa, poised upon a branch to Sasha's left, spoke for the first time. In answer, Sasha swivelled around in a guarded stance. A small, rectangular device was clasped in her hand, from which a tinny voice was emitting.

"Dominos," Sasha mouthed.

"Well, hang up!" Jean cursed loudly. "The more you talk, the more-" Below, where the shafts of fading daylight which had been filtering through the trees, came a flash of white. He let out a frightened whimper as a hand the size of a small pony splayed its fingers out in an impressive display.

"See, look!" On Sasha's other side, Mikasa made an impatient swipe of her blade at the air, just inches from Sasha's hand. The latter cried out.

"N-no, I can't hang up! We've been up here for two hours already and I'm starving! We could be here until nightfall. Are you telling me you won't be hungry before then?"

"Commander Erwin told us all to eat before-"

"Commander Erwin told us all a lot of things," Jean quipped back at Reiner, "like how to die prematurely. Even so…" He glared back at Sasha. "Sasha, you need to hang up! The titans…" He gulped as two enormous, glassy eyes loomed into view beneath the boughs of the trees.

"They're starving too…" Armin giggled eerily. "Make sure you order them the Titan Bundle so they leave us alone…"

"Armin, shh," Jean tried reassuringly, despite the quavering of his voice. He turned around to Sasha once more. With gritted teeth, he resisted the temptation to hurl his blade right at her. "Hey, Potato Freak, are you even listening to me?!"

"I forgot… they do potato wedges…" Sasha's eyes were glazed with desire. She licked a trickle of saliva from her lips.

"Sasha, I swear to-"

"Hold on," commanded Reiner's deep voice, "are you serious? I wouldn't say no, if there were some going…"

"R-reiner…"

"Two potato wedges!" Sasha relayed expertly into the receiver she was holding, "two large meat feast pizzas, one portion of garlic bread, a large diet pepsi!" Sasha straightened to look at her comrades. "And what do you guys want?"

"Do they do ham and pineapple here?" Reiner asked as he realigned his balance upon his branch. Jean uttered a sound of mingled contempt and disgust.

"Ham and pineapple… on a pizza? Who the heck raised you?"

"What? It's popular back home-"

"Reiner!" Bertholdt hissed.

"Eren always has chillies on his pizza." Mikasa smiled off wistfully over the treetops. Below, several heads the size of boulders were now gazing up eagerly at them. "He ends up with his eyes streaming, running to the bathroom, but he insists on ordering it all the same. I'll choose that one… for him. I'll eat his share if he can't finish it, like I always do."

"Sounds lame, if you ask me…" Jean muttered dully. Meanwhile, Sasha had the device to her ear, her fist pressed to her chest in a mock salute, as she continued to swiftly recite information.

"One large ham and pineapple, one large with chillies, three large sodas to go with that-"

It was then that Jean's face broke into the first true smile he had managed since witnessing Eren somersault out of his training harness, head-first into the ground. Sasha was indeed in her element, taking masterful charge of ordering their food. Jean heard the low growl of his stomach. It was becoming more and more difficult to deny himself the pleasure of freshly baked dough, spiced meat, the tang of tomato sauce…

"Damn it!" he cursed, "order me the Full House will you?" Sasha made a sound of affirmation. "And what about the same for Armin? He should really eat something."

"-one large full house, another garlic bread, two more sodas-"

"He's lactose intolerant," Mikasa contradicted him dryly.

Behind them the wind stirred, whipping Sasha's chestnut hair as she stood to victoriously punch the air. "The Vegan Supreme!"

"That's me…" Armin chuckled to himself as his eyes closed.

"Hey, guys…?" Reiner gestured with his blade to the space of forest floor beneath them where several more titans had joined the throng. One gripped a low branch experimentally in its huge hand as though it was an oversized toddler attempting a climbing frame. The inexperienced scouts held their breath as the creak of strained bark gave way to a loud crack. The titan was left to stare stupidly at the branch within its grip.

"I'll cancel the sodas!" Sasha suggested brightly. "So, does anyone have any money?"

"Funnily enough, no," Jean snapped at her, "you see, there wasn't room for it amongst my signal flares, gas, blades and emergency rations but you're right… why didn't I think to bring some cash on the expedition? Clearly the itinerary included horse riding, a desperate, bloody struggle for survival followed by the gift shop!"

"The Scout Regiment has its own budget, right..?" Sasha continued as though Jean had not spoken. Then, quickly, she spoke into the receiver. "We would like to put this on the Scout's tab. Yes. The name? Erwin Smith. Er… put it as…" She looked around wildly, her hand waving frantically. "...er… personal expenses?"

"Sounds like this is going to cost Erwin an arm and-"

"Whassat?" Armin croaked, sitting up on his branch. Underneath, a titan with a huge, triangular nose peered up at him hungrily.

Then there came a spine-chilling scream.

"Wh-what?" All the hairs on the back of Jean's neck stood on end. "What is that? It sounds like something is dying!"

Birds rose from the treetops in a panic, cawing loudly. Almost as immediately, the titans lost their interest in the individuals suspended above them. Clumsily they turned and crashed away, arms flailing madly, right into the thick of the forest.

"COMPANY-" a male voice demanded, "-PREVENT THEIR ADVANCE. ATTACK!"

"You've got to be kidding me!" Sasha groaned. She stood doubled over, her arms crossed over her stomach. "Ugh, they just told me they were on their way! Now we'll never get dinner!"

Jean's earlier gloom washed over him once more as he jabbed at the trigger on his grip. The anchor launched into a nearby tree trunk. It was as he left the sanctuary of his tree branch and the promise of a hot meal behind him, that Jean ground his teeth in frustration.

"Damn it all! Being a scout sure sucks."