Chapter Two

half of me is you, in the middle

Looking for Rue had been a trying experience, and Lexi didn't only mean today. For the past two years their friendship consisted of a catch and release dynamic. Rue went through life mindlessly and Lexi fixed her path.

The old lady at the NA building told them Ali's information was private and she couldt share it with them so they left without a clear plan on where they could find Rue.

They went to several abandoned houses where drug addicts lived, but they didn't find her in any of those places. Lexi was grateful in a way that Rue wasn't in any of them. The image of her being one of those addicts would have crushed the hope she had for her friend. The day was coming to an end and they were now leaving the last house Fez had suggested.

They were coming out of the highway and Lexi could see several businesses and a gas station ahead.

"Hey I need to put some gas in the car, em do you want anything from the store ?" Fez could see Lexi was worried, she'd become very quiet after they'd visited the first of the abandoned buildings. Her face was paler than when she picked her form school and her smile had faded.

"We should probably eat something, you know? You've gone a bit pale Lex."

"Yeah that's ok. I'll wait for you here. Em do you mind if I turn the music off?" My head hurts a little.

He stepped out of the car, paid the attendant and started pumping gas into the car. He could see Lexi resting her head on the window slumping forward as she rested her head on the palm of her hand. The seat of the car seemed too big for her; she'd reduced her size in a matter of minutes and was now ashen.

He closed the gas nozzle and went inside the car. She was crying, but she wasn't moving at all. Tears just fell from her eyes while her face remained expressionless. He didn't know what to do, so he slowly reached for her by touching her arm. Her body didn't react but her eyes closed and the tears were now thicker and more abundant. She put her other hand on top of his and started sobbing. He waited patiently until the cries became softer and her eyes were dry. She didn't open her eyes, but he felt how she pressed her and against his and entangled her fingers with his while her breathing became slower.

"I'm sorry, I just…"

"Shh it's ok, don't say anything you can sleep until we get to my house and then we'll eat something."

She nodded and rested her head on the window. She released him and he intertwined her other hand with his.

Her face was blotched with red and white spots from crying and her eyes and lips were swollen, but her expression was more serene and she was now asleep with the warmth of the twilight covering her body.

Fez drove slowly to his house, wanting her to rest for a while before having to wake her up and also because he didn't want to see her in so much pain again and waking her up had the risk of her face changing into the painful struggle she had internally battled with a few moments ago.

Damn Rue he thought, why did she have to be so mindless, he was used to the pain that addiction and violence brought, but he hadn't realized how much it pained him until he saw Lexi cry and understand the depth of his despair. He'd felt bad for Rue and was angry at himself and at Rue for her addiction. In all the previous years he hadn't tapped into the pain that was behind his anger until Lexi opened that door, she wasn't afraid to feel and to cry and to mourn for their friend. Even if Rue was still alive there was a part of their relationship and idea of her that died that afternoon, now they would both need to meet her again and to accept her for who she was and not for the potential they saw in her. Loving someone for who they could be and not for who they actually are is also cruel. The first steo towards that was mouring their the expectations they had for her.

After an hour drive they finally arrived at Fez's house where the light from the windows indicated Ash's presence in the house. He rolled down Lexi's window and exited the car stopping by the opened window.

He quietly started calling her name and stroking her arm so she wouldn't be startled as she woke up.

"Lex, heyy… we're here… shhh, it's ok… you're fine, come on wake up."

Her eyes opened slowly and her face had marks from the stitching of the leather she'd rested her head on.

She yawned and furrowed her brows and moved her eyes around trying to make sense of her surroundings.

Fez made eye contact with her and smiled softly.

"Heyy there, how you feelin'?"

"A bit better." She twitched her mouth into a small smile, but her eyes were still in pain.

He opened the door and helped her step out of the car guiding her to the door of his apartment.

Ash stared at them, he eyed Lexi and raised his brow in question.

"Hey man, this is Lexi. Em… we've been looking for Rue, but we couldn't find her in any of the places we went."

"What's wrong with her? She on something?" Ash was following them with his eyes while Fez came into the house.

Now that they were inside the house with the lights on he could see Lexi was whiter than death.

"Jesus Lex you're very pale… here sit down. He carried her and delicately placed her on top of the couch. I'm going to give you some juice and something to eat." She nodded with her eyes closed.

Ash handed him a glass with orange juice and a piece of bread.

"Come on Lex don't fall asleep again, your blood sugars' probably super low"

He sat her up and placed the cup on her mouth and she took a sip.

"Yo her lips are dry she's dehydrated or somethin'" Ash went for a glass of water and handed it to Fez.

"What did she take?" Ash was looking at Fez annoyed

"Nothing, she just cried for a while and we haven't eaten anything since the afternoon, hell she's probably not had anything all day."

Fez got closer to Ash

"She's real sad man, we went to some of the places addicts hang and she just went inwards and started looking pale and shit."

Lexi slowly sipped her juice and started looking around her, getting familiar with her surroundings.

Fez saw she was looking around and went to the kitchen to grab her something to eat.

"Feelin' a bit better? Here, eat this." Fez handed her a banana and she began peeling it.

"Yeah I was just very tired, I forgot to have breakfast and I've been on an emotional rollercoaster the past few hours."

"Word." He sat next to her and didn't know what else he could do so he patiently waited for her to say something and eat her banana.

She finished eating and looked at him.

Fez smiled at her. "You look better, you have some pink on your cheeks."

"Yes, thankyou for the food, and Ash thanks for the water." The boy looked at her and with the same expression said "sure".

You can stay if you want, you can stay in my room.

No, I think I should probably go home, I didn't tell anyone where I was so my mom is probably worried.

Yeah that's cool I'll take you home when you're ready.

I'll text Cassie that I'll be there soon thankyou Fez.

Hearing her say his name made him hungry with desire. He didn't want her to leave, she made their house feel different. He'd never had a girl in his house before, well Faye and Rue had been there before, but Rue was his sister and Faye felt more like a decoration (not in an insulting way, just that she didn't interact much with the real world), Lexi was the first girl he saw as a woman, she was caring, beautiful, smart and warm. She felt like a home.