Chapter One
It had been a while since Fret had last met with Jared and Seb, but here they were, together again inside a partially refurbished Redwall.
The Great Hall was finally covered up with a wooden roof (one of the Mekais said stone tiles would come later), so the rain failed to get to the trio. And now there was an actual floor, which was quite the addition.
"For the completion of your quest you must seek out Professor Lovis," said Meliandre, walking towards the ferret. The vixen looked especially tired in her drab grey robes, but doing research with both sablemaids sounded like an exasperating task.
"Lovis?" asked Seb. "I don't think we've heard of him before."
"That's because you two have been shirking on all the sidequests," scoffed Jared. "I, for one, have been more diligent."
"How's he like?" asked Fret. "Saves me the trouble of being disappointed later."
"Oh, he's a very strange rabbit. Loves talking about the applications of magic and science. Studied in the University of Floret, where he apparently graduated with first class honours, then proceeding to pursue a career in research and teaching."
Seb's brows furrowed. "Floret is still in Southsward, isn't it?"
"Oh no, he defects to us if you finish that questline. He should be right outside the Redwall gates, I think!"
"Then let's go meet him," replied Fret. The sooner they were done with this the sooner they could head back to the Bird.
Meliandre sighed. She knew they were not going to have a good time as much as she knew Lovis - all too well.
0000
The first thing Fret noticed about Lovis was his smile. His massive, goofy, awkward smile - how the ferret hated it.
"Greetings, dearest allies!" exclaimed the rabbit, rushing forwards to meet the three. "As I have not any main story relevance, I have been relegated to raid content! It is nice to meet all three of you! As thou knowest, this is a twenty-four player raid seri-"
"Yeah yeah," moaned Seb. "Could you just show us where to go next?"
"Verily!" the brown-furred rabbit giggled. "Hast thou heard of Kotir?"
"Yeah, we read Redwall-"
Seb was interrupted by a tall fox shaking his head. He had apparently been standing still for a while, and the massive bow he hung onto his back did not seem to bother him at all. "Nope, never heard of that."
Fret stared at this newcomer. "Who are you?"
"I'm Adrian! You needed another DPS, right? I've read the advert Jared posted, and-"
"Sure, why not?" mused Jared. "You can't be worse than the last guy."
"Very well!" said the researcher, leaping into the air with joy. "Now I have manufactured an excuse to unleash my signature logorrhea onto the unsuspecting!"
"Now wait a second-" Seb gesticulated in front of the rabbit, but the only result was two of Lovis's claws flying right above the mustelids' mouths, his grin even more displayed than before.
"No matter how vexatious thou findest me, if thou thinkest about skipping this cutscene even for the slightest second, I shall prove myself very enthusiastic about blasting several holes into thy body, leaving thou to rot and be taken by the Sparra. Prithee, do not act up."
Fret thought better than to complain, and he was quick to cover Seb's mouth before he nodded.
"Marry! Here we go!"
0000
"Long ago - and I do mean quite long ago, centuries before even the first Redwall warrior was born, there was a castle right in the middle of Mossflower, home to a family of wildcats. These cats were eminently skilled in the twin arts of magic and science, and together they created an empire - one that stretched from the Lands of Ice and Snow up north, to the tropical islands even further than Southsward. However, it soon went the way of all empires, stagnating under complacency and poor leadership, and soon it fell apart after a series of poor harvests, revolts and earthquakes. This castle would then be populated by wildcats once again, but I'm sure you all know how that went down, having read Mossflower and all."
0000
"Now I bet thou knowest everything important." Lovis put both paws behind his head as he leaned back against the walls. "Any questions?"
The fox raised up a paw. "Yes. Who is this Martin the Warrior?"
"You… don't know?" asked Seb, scratching an ear.
Adrian's whisker's drooped. "I never read the books…"
Jared turned to Lovis, who shrugged. "This isn't really part of my expertise. It's far too recent!"
"Alright then," said the squirrel. "Basically, mouse gets arrested by old cat. Old cat dies. Young cat hates mouse. Mouse escapes with other mouse. Mice meet badger. Badger dies for… reasons. Mice go back to kill young cat. The end."
Seb nodded. "That's… basically it."
"Could use a few more ferrets, to be honest," scoffed Fret.
"At least we got a marten in it somewhere!" said Seb.
Lovis nodded. "According to Bella of Brockhall's account, that is certes true. I, for one, have no idea if that is still considered a legitimate source considering its biases and contradictions with the Mandoral Codex that I managed to acquire from Badgerlord Urthsten… but it hath been ages since I have read it. Stars above, where is Severyn when you need him? He should've been here ages ago, but no! The gluttonous cat just had to pay Redwall's pantry a visit!"
Pawsteps thundered out of the gatehouse, followed by a tall, slim feral cat. He shrugged, flipping his rucksack onto the ground and readjusting the eyepatch he wore over his right eye. "I'm here, Master Lovis! Hopefully I didn't miss much."
The rabbit winked. "Just in time. 'Tis perfect timing for a video game cutscene indeed."
"You're with Lovis, Ryn?" asked Adrian. "I thought you were just an observer for the Culinarian job questline or something."
"You are mistaken, friend." The cat turned to the other three adventurers. "Squirrel, ferret and otter… I don't seem to remember you three. Have we met?"
Fret promptly shook his head. "Nuh-uh. Never met a wildcat before."
"Then I only regret not introducing myself. I am Severyn Goldeneye, junior member of the Nominated Observers of Artefacts Historical - NOAH for short."
"How about no," said Fret, rolling his eyes. "Ah. No- ah!"
Severyn's ears drooped. "I did not come up with the name."
"It was actually I, Chair-Professor Lovis Emmer, who hath utilised what little creativity he hath! For thou seest, Brother Noah of Redwall has been a great inspiration for our work."
"And you decided to make a bad pun over it?" asked Seb.
"That is so!" The rabbit bounced forward from his prone position. "Now let us enter the cavern our hired moles have dug… together with thy twenty allies!" He winked at the new quartet of players. "Thou dost have twenty allies, right?"
Seb allowed his jaws to drift apart for a few moments before he responded. "Er… no?"
"Oh." For the first time since they had met, all joy fled from the Professor's face. "Then why art thou not getting some?"
"Fine…" moaned Seb. "We can wait a bit, right?"
His three companions nodded, grumbling.
A/N: Happy birthday, Keldor. Thanks for proofreading all of my stuff. All those tense corrections should not go unthanked and unrepaid.
