Chapter Two


"Twenty, twenty-one… gah!" Seb screamed. "I messed up the counting again!"

"It's fine," said Adrian, calmly bringing out a packet of candied chestnuts. "There's twenty-three of us already, and we need another- hey!"

Fret chuckled as he popped a stolen nut into his mouth. "Ah, delicious! Thanks for getting those for us."

"Reckon if I could grab one of these." A tall rat with a massive axe walked up to the fox. "I'm Markem, by the way."

"Feel free." Adrian lifted up his snack, while Markem quickly grabbed one.

"Thanks, yer one good lad. Unlike the ferret."

"Oh look," exclaimed Seb, "another beast just joined the queue!"

"Hello!" With a poof of smoke a vole stepped right into the mass of characters, with his mouth etched on his muzzle. "I am Schuyler and I love knives!"

"It's hard to notice," said Fret as he looked the Rogue up and down. Decorated fish-leather straps held knives of all varieties on his belt, and the ferret guessed there were most likely more of them hidden upon his body.

"A twenty-fourth!" said Severyn, his eyes gleaming.

Lovis's smile also returned. "What bringest thou over?"

"For centuries our family has been the greatest particularists ever seen in Mossflower, and I was twelve when I discovered my personal mission to construct the greatest knife out of the rarest metal! Thus I journeyed to Salamandastron, and…"

The vole rambled on and on, while Jared shook his head. "Oh dear, he's one of those roleplayers…"

"I've always wanted to meet one of them," remarked Seb.

"Trust me," Fret butted in. "You'd want to forget him as soon as possible!"

"Embittered and rejected, I marched away from the coast and went inland, eventually proving my worth as Martin's Champion and assisting the Mossflower Alliance in beating away the clutches of the Southswarders! My knife is now for hire to all beasts who deem their cause-"

"Ahem." Twenty-four and a half pairs of eyes turned back to Lovis. "I'm sure everybeast here has heard of Kotir, right?"

Fret crossed his arms. "Yes - you already told us about it once."

"I suppose thou requirest one refresher! And please remember this - no skipping!"

"Now hold on a seco-"

0000

"Long ago - and I do mean quite long ago, centuries before even the first Redwall warrior was born, there was a castle right in the middle of Mossflower, home to a family of wildcats. These cats were eminently skilled in the twin arts of magic and science, and together they created an empire - one that stretched from the Lands of Ice and Snow up north, to the tropical islands even further than Southsward. However, it soon went the way of all empires, stagnating under complacency and poor leadership, and soon it fell apart after a series of poor harvests, revolts and earthquakes. This castle would then be populated by wildcats once again, but I'm sure you all know how that went down, having read Mossflower and all."

0000

The hare grinned. "I suppose it is time to let you go down there - and beware the giant spiders!"

Adrian's ears perked up. "Giant spiders?"

Walking up to the fox, Severyn patted his shoulder. "Don't worry, my friend. The spiders are nothing compared to the scorpions and the magical defenses."

"I'll, er, keep that in mind!"

"Could we go yet?" asked Seb. "We're rather short on time."

Markem chimed in. "Yeah, right, I came 'ere ter bash some 'eads togeffer and cop that sweet sweet EXP."

"Very well!" Schuyler lifted up a knife. "Let us head into Kotir!"

0000

"Urgh, what's this stuff?" whined Seb as his footpaws stepped into a puddle for the fourth time since they made their way downwards.

"Stagnant water," said Lovis. "It getteth everywhere underground once thou digst a way through all the soil and rock."

Severyn nodded. "You might know that water in a video game works the same way as water does in everywhere else! Unless-"

Fret coughed. "I think everybeast knows how a fountain works, thank you."

"I'd be very surprised if you didn't," replied Schuyler. "They're quite simple, and- is that a snake?" The vole's ears shook in the dim lamplight. "Nah, it doesn't have scales."

"By all accounts it should not be here…" mused the wildcat.

The professor panicked. "Why are the guards gone?" He breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh wait, they're dead." His ears sprung up once more. "Why are they dead?"

"That's because it's a Boneserpent!" shouted Jared. "Raised from the dead, with skin and flesh shed from its body! It's the first boss of the raid!"

Seb fumbled his sword from the sheath tied to his back. "Oh yeah, it's a raid! On it!"

Before the otter could make any contact with the hostile creature Markem rushed forward and flung his axe towards the snake. The rat stood with his muzzle open as the axe landed right in front of him,

"You need to get a more balanced axe for Crush Raid to work, dimwit!" moaned Fret as Seb lifted up his shield, barely knocking away a lunge from the snake. "Now I have to cast Protect on two tanks instead of one!"

"Don't worry!" Adrian loaded an arrow into his bow and let it fly ahead with Straight Shot. "We can do this!" The fox grimaced as the arrow bounced harmlessly off solid bone. "Might take us a bit though!"

"Stop talking and start using better skills, fox!" said Schuyler, using Gust Slash to propel himself towards the enemy. "While you're no Particularist, you're still a Level 50 Disciple of War! You defeated the might of Southsward before - you cannot allow an overgrown worm to best you!"

Casting Scathe within the Leylines he just laid, Jared simply shrugged. "Yeah, whatever. We could just restart if things go wrong."

Goading the snake away from the rest of the party Seb flashed the squirrel a smile. "Yeah, what's the worst that could happen?"

The ground suddenly cracked open, sending everybeast down into the depths. Severyn mewled like a little kitten while Lovis giggled madly. "This is what adventures should be like! What a tingling feeling rushing through my bloodstream!"

"I think we have greater concerns, Professor!" exclaimed Adrian between screams.

With a splash everybeast landed in a puddle of liquid. Seb, being an otter, was the first to clamber out, finding his way to a metal box floating amidst all the chaos.

"Guys?" asked the Paladin. "I think this toxic liquid makes us slower!"

"Goodness, I hate water levels…" gasped Jared.

"And… are these smaller snakes?" asked Markem, taking special care not to lose his grip on his weapon and lose it to the depths.

Fret sighed. "Oh great, this is one of those raids…"

0000

The Boneserpent fell after the standard routine, and so did the Guardian-Statues that were protecting the inner rings, though it was two restarts before Seb figured out the mechanics and five before he was able to execute them correctly.

"So you finally made it here…"

The otter's whiskers trembled when he heard the voice at the end of the corridor they were in. It's the final boss!

"Remember me? I'm Ashleg from Mossflower, and in this game I'm an expert mage! For hundreds of seasons I lay dormant, and now-"

"Didn't read Mossflower, sorry," said Adrian. "But you're a named character! So that means you were involved heavily in the book's plot, right?'

The pine marten's eyes closed as he breathed out in a long sigh. "I'm going to blow you up now. I'm going to blow everything up, and I don't know if I'm going to stop."

Seb readied his shield. "Can't wait to see you try!"

"Pardon?"

"You spent centuries lying in a hole in the ground, doing as much as you did in your only literary appearance! Guys, this should be easy!"

"Get away from the blast!" shouted Fret, casting Rescue, dragging the otter right back to the Brightmage. "Seriously, you need some spatial awareness!"

"I'm sorry! I just got too into character!"

Schuyler cackled. "Can't get too into character, ruddertail! You have to be one with-"

The Rogue was cut off by the sound of a roaring flame bursting out of Ashleg's paws.

Fret laughed. "Haha! Missed me!"

"How? You were just four pixels away from the flame! Surely the air particles would transfer the energy and cause you to be affected by the heat once they make contact with your skin?"

Jared sighed. "You haven't played a lot of video games, I take it?"

"What's a video game again? It wasn't in the books!"

Upon hearing a chance to pass on his knowledge to another, Lovis's ears perked up. "Well, to simply put…"

Before the hare could speak another word the marten disappeared, having teleported to safety.

"Rats!" gasped Lovis. "Or mice! It dependeth on the situation."

Fret scoffed. "Great! Now we lost him."

"Don't worry about that, we'll probably fight him in the next raid." Severyn walked forward into the end of the tunnel, lifting up his lamp. He gasped as a pair of golden doors came into view. "Fascinating… oh no!"

"What's wrong?" asked Seb.

"Inconvenient headache!" shouted the wildcat before he plopped onto the ground, unconscious.

Fret rolled his eyes. "Seriously? He fainted because he saw a door?"

"Let me 'elp wiv that!" Markem rushed forward and slammed his axe into the doors, but they refused to budge.

Lovis stroked his forehead, his smile slowly fading. "Oh. Oh dear."

"What now, hare?" asked Schuyler.

"We need to wait until the next quest beginneth to get these doors unlocked. For now, we have to return to Redwall."

"Great!" The fox jumped up, his arrows bouncing in his quiver. "Extra time to do all the sidequests I missed!"

"You… actually do sidequests?" asked Seb.

"Er, yeah."

"In any case, we have completed our duties!" Schuyler tossed one of his knives into the air, catching it effortlessly. "This is cause for a night of celebration! Another milestone on my journey towards Salamandastron is complete."

Jared sighed. "And I thought Kio's speech was unintelligible…"


A/N: Happy birthday Matra! Thanks for being my friend.