This is a story I though of while listening to an amazing song called Cover me up by Morgan wallen. A song that, in my opinion, is about facing and fighting demons. This story will shine light on what happens in the minds of those who suffer from PTSD and loss of loved ones. Those who have had to fight and crawl their way out of the slumps that events have thrown them into. There will be violence, Flashbacks, Dark humor, emotional abuse, self abuse, and physical abuse to another. This is the warning for this story. It may contain triggers and it will most certainly not be a soft story. Please read at your own risk.

With that being said, I want to honor those who fought with this very serious illness and those who fought and lost. Because win or lose, they fought a damn good fight and they deserve to be recognized for everything they have been through.

Keep in mind, this is a ItaSaku story and this will be a slow story. There are milestones I have to reach in each chapter. I do not have any idea how long this story will end up being. I have never written anything like this before. But I do know people who suffer from this personally. I can only hope I do this story justice and make it a story worth reading.

Please leave a review. I want to know exactly what you all think about my story. I do not claim to be the best writer, but I do try and put my heart into everything I write. I love feedback and constructive critisism. If anyone has anything they would like to see in this story, PM me. I could honestly use all the help I can get, especially when it come to writing Itachi's mind set.

So with all of this said and in the open, lets get on with this story and see where it takes us all.


Disclaimer: I do not own the song cover me up and I do not own Naruto or any of its characters. This disclaimer is for the entirety of the story as a whole.


To be the one who comes home more often, who holds on to a goodbye hug a little longer, to the the best friend who promised to check in, and the kind of brother my brother always needed, who takes time to call even just to say hey. Cause you loved me that way. -Lauren Duski


Sakura pulled her jacket closer around her body. It was colder then usual this October. The wind whipped her hair around her shoulders and into her eyes and she reached and hand up to tuck the wayward pink locks behind an ear. Her calves protested her longer then usual kneel in front of the cenotaph in front of her. Her fingers trailed the names written on the stone, feeling her nose burn with unshed tears. She would not cry. Weak little Haruno was gone.

The crying and screaming she had done over them as she tried to heal as much of the damage that had been inflicted on them in tandem. But no matter how hard she had tried, no matter how much of her chakra, and Itachi's; who was behind her feeding her his through his bruising grip on her shoulders; it still hadn't been enough. They were gone before she had even reached them but she tried anyway... with all of her special training, and being the best damn medic the world had ever seen, even she couldn't bring back the dead.

The rest of the war after that had become a blur for her. She couldn't remember when the fighting had stopped and they were declared victorias. All she remembered was standing in the middle of a field. Bodies were scattered as far as she could see. Some friendly, but most enemy. Itachi stood beside her, their breathing was heavy and she could tell they had both reached their limits on chakra as she caught the slight tremble in his body.

They were both splattered from head to toe in the blood of their enemies. A sickening smirk had twisted on her features when the blood droplets slithered down her bare arm to drip from her finger tips. Itachi's eyes, they had been blood read with the Mongekyo spinning wildly. His jaw was clenched, and his hands fisted on the hilt of Sasukes sword.

Tsunade had said they were like a two man demolition team. It was as if they were not even themselves anymore.

Tsunade and Shizune had healed them of their wounds, but no physical treatment could heal them of the deeper ones on the inside.

It has been 5 months since the war had ended, and sakura tried to keep it together. Some days are better then others. There are days when she feels a little like her old self and she is able place a genuine smile on her face, and then there are those days when she drowns herself in work at the hospital until Shizune and Tsunade throw her out the doors and orders her to rest.

She doesn't see much of anyone anymore. Ino, hinata and tenten come over to her apartment at least once a week with junk food and movies to try and get her mind onto something different.

Sakura would just go through the motions to make others happy. What else was she to do. If she didn't, she had to endure the worried looks from them, or the lectures and attempted comforting words. But they didn't understand. They never would. They still had their boys.

Sakura balanced on the balls of her feet as she slowly rose up from the kneel she was in.

"I love you guys. Ill come back soon. Naruto, don't go pestering Sasuke so much where your at." A sad smile crossed her lips as she turned and walked back up the sidewalk. Her heals clicked on the concrete behind her.


"Hey Tomoe San, Ill have the usual." Sakura said as she lifted the flap above ichiraku's and took a seat at one of the stools at the bar.

"Sakura, Its good to see you around." Tomoe said with a small smile on his face. "Did you just get back from a visit?" he asked slowly, as if unsure of how to proceed.

"Its alright," Sakura smiled softly, then pushed a strand of hair from her face. "Yes, It was... quiet as usual."

The familiar burning of her nose had her sniffling. She looked down at her wringing fingers, and counted in her head to push the tears back.

She was brought out of her mental lockdown when a big steaming bowl was placed in front of her.

"Here you are Honey. One miso ramen extra pork." Tomoe stated and slid the canister of chopsticks closer for her to reach them.

Sakura took up a bite of noodles and placed it in her mouth. The flavor exploded on her tongue. She could almost hear Naruto next to her shouting for the 'old man' to fix him up another bowl. And Sasuke complaining on how loud and annoying he is when he chews, then calling him a loser for good measure. At that, she let out a small chuckle.

"Thank you." Sakura said, taking another mouthful. It was perfect as usual. The only thing missing... She glanced to her sides and smiled sullenly. They should be there with her.


Itachi slammed the glass down on the top of the bar, glaring at the bartender until she reached over with a bottle of sake and refilled the glass for him. He downed it at once and slammed it back down.

Ayame the bartender flinched as the glass hit the polished wood again. Turning with a sigh she filled it once more.

"Slow down Itachi. I cant have you starting trouble in my bar again." She leaned against the counter, placing her chin in her hand.

"Last time wasn't my fault. If that asshole hadn't tried to start shit with me, I wouldn't have ended it." Itachi's voice was slightly slurred from the amount of alcohol he had already consumed.

"Yeah, but he was a chunin, and you are a jonin, Anbu captain. He was hardly a threat. You took it to the extreme. When you started, you brought about an all out bar brawl! That ended with 3 of my tables, 7 chairs and I was picking up glass from all of the busted bottles off the floor for a week!" Ayame huffed at him, refilling his glass when he clanked it down on the counter again.

"Didn't I pay for the repairs?" Itachi retorted, taking a measured sip of his drink.

"Well yes, but thats not the point!" Ayame could feel her ears heating up. This man was impossible!

"Then you have nothing to be complaining about." Itachi dismissed.

Ayame shook her head with a soft exhale, grabbed up a few bottles of beer from the coolers in front of her, then walked back down the bar to the other customers. She had left the bottle of sake on the bar top in front of him; she knew it wouldn't be his only one tonight.

Itachi slid the glass over, grabbed the bottle of sake and took a big swig. He growled a bit in the back of his throat when the alcohol burned its way down his throat. He took another mouthful.

Three bottles in and he was barely able to hold himself up in the bar stool. How long had he been there? Even he didnt know anymore. He knew he looked like shit. Hell the sympathetic looks that Ayame was sending him told him as much.

What would Sasuke say to him if he could see him now? Would he be sitting beside him, enjoying the best Konoha has to offer? Would he drag him out and put him to bed like a child? Or maybe take him to a training ground and beat him sober? Itachi snorted, slapping another empty bottle down onto the bar, watching it crack and shatter. He would never know now would he.

Blood dribbled down his finger and onto the bar top. He hadn't even felt the glass cut into his hand. He was completely numb. Just how he liked it.

The bar door banged open and a group of guys came through laughing and staggering. Two girls holding up two of them as they walked up to the bar. Itachi watched them as they all swaggered up to stand beside him.

Ayame came down to their side and got their drink orders, placing another bottle of Sake in front of Itachi.

"Hey there. Your looking kind of down babe. Do you need someone to keep you company?" Itachi glanced over. She was leaned up against the counter. Her fingers played in her short brown hair and she had pushed her chest out in a way that she probably thought looked cute. But Itachi was less then amused.

He turned back to the front and took another drink of his sake.

"No." He was surprised at how even it had come out sounding.

"Oh, but I'm really good at giving advice. I don't mind being a listening ear if you need one." She had leaned toward him. Her breast now touching his arm.

"No." His respond was simple. Hoping she would get the message and leave him the hell alone.

"Are you sure? Im..." Just then she was yanked back. He could hear her angered yell but could only see a man staring down at him. He felt as if he was sizing him up.

"What the hell do you think you doing man? Trying to take off with my girl?" The guy looked as if he was about to have an aneurism.

Itachi brought his sake bottle back up to his lips, making it clear he wasn't in the mood to be talking.

"Kuza, just leave him alone. He looks like he might cry." One of the guys with him stated, laughing while bringing his beer to his lips.

Itachi could feel a twitch forming in his eyebrow, but ignored it. He counted. His finger tips tapping his knee in the rhythm of the numbers.

One.

The guy he now knew as Kuza threw his head back and laughed. Settling on him with a smirk.

"You gonna cry?" He taunted. "Awe. What happened chap, lose your man card?"

Two

Kuza reached over while he was bringing his Sake to his lips and knocked it from his hands. Itachi felt his eyes burn as the sharingan slowly began to bleed into them. Sake trailed down the counter like a river.

Three.

Ayame slapped her hands on the top of the bar. Fear took over her as she saw the slight tremble in Itachi's shoulders. His eyes looking down at his empty hand still the way it was when he had his sake.

"Knock it off now! I'm not gonna have any trouble being stirred up in my club. Got it!" Her eyes shifted over to Itachi nervously.

Four.

"This is what babies get." Kuza continued, as if he hadnt heard her speak. Palming his chest and tried to reach around to fist his hand in Itachi's hair. Itachi registered two things in that moment.

Ayame was yelling for her bouncer, and he was shoving his way through packed bodies dancing on the floor.

Sakura walked in, and her eyes narrowed on him and Kuza at the bar. She broke out into a run, following the bouncer through the crowd.

Five.

Too fucking late.

Itachi reached up and snatched Kuza's wrist just as it began to reach for him. Turning his glare on him, a smirk began to curl on his lips.

His heart pounded in his chest. He felt elated. This is what he lived for now. He went to missions, he came back, he drank and he thrilled at the chance for a good fight. Of course these dumb shits didn't have near enough power to take him. It was a bummer really. But beggars couldn't be choosers right?

Kuza clenched his teeth into a snarl. Itachi pushed his thumb into the palm of Kuza's hand and snapped his wrist backwards. There was a sickening pop, and then a snap, as if someone had broken a stick in half.

Kuza fell to the floor, cradling his arm the moment Itachi let him loose. Kuza's buddy jumped from his seat and charged forward. He hadn't even made it two steps before Itachi pulled his leg back and kicked him across the room.

Another one from Kuza's group came stumbling out of the bathroom, cursing and trying to zip his fly while running toward the fight. Itachi had a wild eyed smile plastered on his face. He picked up a chair, not hearing Ayame's yelling in the background due to the blood pumping in his heated ears.

Sakura shoved the last person out of her way just as Itachi picked up a chair and cracked it over the face of a guy coming out of the bathrooms.

Ayame had jumped over the bar and was shoving the guy who was on the floor by Itachi's stool, hand in a bucket of ice water. "Itachi! Fucking hell! Stop!" She yelled.

Sakura grabbed onto the back of Itachi's shirt and pulled him backwards just as he slung a punch at an innocent bystander who happened to be standing a little to close.

He turned in her grasp, his hand instantly wrapping around her neck in a bruising grip.

"Itachi! Damnit! Let go!" Sakura rasped out as forcefully as she could, but his grip didn't falter. She was only glad he hadn't punched her into next week yet.

Sakura noticed the crazy, gleeful look in his eyes. She had only seen it a few times. The night they were in recovery after the war, and a few times she had to pull him out of the bars. None of those experiences were fun. She had to get him to come out of it. To much longer in his grip and she was gonna lose consciousness.

Itachi swayed a bit on his feet, his hand loosening a fraction. Sakura took her chance and pressed into the inside of his wrist, forcing it to loosen enough for her to pull herself free.

Itachi dropped his hand to his side, then swayed again. It turns out the alcohol had finally caught up with him. His head was fuzzy and he could make out the tops of two pink heads. He blinked, rubbing his eyes.

"Sakura." He said slowly. Her name was a garbled mess on his lips, but she knew he was seeing her now and not the rage that had clouded his mind a few minutes ago.

She pulled him back to the bar and sat him down in his stool once more. Turning to Ayame.

"Get him some coffee." She snapped.

Ayame crossed her arm and huffed as she walked away to get the hot drink.

Sakura sighed, making sure Itachi wasn't going to jump back up again, she turned kneeled in front of the guy beside the stool.

"Who the hell are you?" Kuza pulled his arm away from her reaching hand, and sakura glared at him.

"Im a medic." She stated, snatching his arm and using her chakra to assess the damage. "And you have a trip to the hospital to make. That wrist is completly snapped in half. You will be damn lucky if the radial nerve isnt severed." She said, standing, helping the man off the floor with the help of some girl. She guess it had to be his girlfriend with the way she fawned over him.

Sakura felt a headache coming on. Tsunade was going to be pissed. This was the third bar fight this week. One of them being in sand after doing a messenger run mission for Tsunade. She had to mend a fractured rib, two black eyes and a broken nose. Along with those injuries, he also had a few good size knots on his head. All curtesy of her Shishou. She had left the lumps on his head to heal naturally, hoping they would serve as a reminder. Apparently not.

Turning back to Itachi, Ayame was placing a mug of hot coffee in front of him. Itachi brought the mug to his lips and sipped, making a face when he realized it wasn't the liquid he had been hoping for.

Ayame nodded her head to the other end of the bar, sakura followed her down a few seats. Her eyes glancing back toward Itachi ever few seconds.

"Sakura, what are we gonna do? He's not getting any better. It's as if he's not even Itachi anymore." Her voice wavered a bit.

Ayame and Itachi were childhood friends. He had always been a bit reclusive but with a select few. Ayame had been one of them. Her frequented her bar before the tragedy, but had never gotten out of hand. Now, it was like his home away from home. No matter what she did or said, she couldn't keep him out of it.

But it still stirred a bit of anger in Sakura. Ayame knew what he was dealing with. But she continued to serve him.

Sakura snapped her heated gaze on the bartender. Her mouth molding into a scowl.

"That because he is different. First that fuck nut Danzo has his entire clan massacred, then his only remaining family, and not only that but his baby brother right in front of his eyes. I don't care how strong he used to be. That is enough to bring even the strongest of men to their knees." Sakura slammed her hands on the bar top, her voice coming out at a hiss.

"What I want to know is why the fuck did you allow him to drink to the point that he is at now?!" Sakura trailed off with a growl.

Ayame looked as if she had been slapped. Her lips kicked down into a scowl to match sakura's. Crossing her arms over her chest.

"Look I'm not going to apologize! I would love to see Itachi finally move in a positive way from this, but he's not!" Sakura opened her mouth to tell her she wasn't helping him, but Ayame beat her to it. Raising her voice slightly when Sakura opened her mouth to retort.

"I also know that this is not helping him any, but Sakura you have to look at the bigger picture here hun." Sakura's mouth snapped shut, and Ayame glanced over at Itachi, her eyes softening a little and sighed. "Itachi is a grown man. And if I refuse to serve him, he will just find another place that will. An unknown place to get smashed and possibly hurt others, or get hurt." Sakura's eyes began to burn with unshed tears, but she blinked them back. Letting Ayame's words sink it.

"At least here, I can watch him." She turned back to Sakura, reaching over and placing a hand on top of Sakura's shaking clenched fist. "And you will always know where to find him."

She was completely right. And damnit it tasted like vinegar in her mouth to admit it. The medic in Sakura was more worried about the amount of alcohol he was consuming and not even realizing that she couldn't really stop him. Short of barring his doors at home and keeping him on lock and key.

This was his way of trying to cope. Even if it wasn't a very good one, who was she to judge. She had lost both of her boys and the night terrors alone were hell on her. The dreams were not all bad. She had good ones, where her dreams would thrust her into a world where they were still there. Memories of their team missions, the way they would bicker back and forth, the way they had always tried to protect her, even after she had proved capable of protecting herself.

There was no way to say which versions were worse. Reliving the good, or reliving the bad. Either one left her feel broken still. because when she woke up, they were still not there.

She wasn't even the same. She secluded her self without knowing, working herself to the bone, and every now and then, even she needed a drink. But Tsunade never let her leave her side when she did.

Itachi had to be going through the same thing. And he was dealing with it the only way he knew how. Drowning it in booze and letting the haze take away the hurt. Even if just for a few hours. She could understand that. Out of anyone else, she could understand his need.

"I'm sorry." Sakura whispered, looking back up at Ayame with resolved eyes. "I guess I just didn't want to see him hurting himself. But I am hardly the person to be giving lectures." She said softly.

Ayame nodded softly. a look of understanding passing in her eyes.

"I'm sorry to. I know you lost Sasuke to, and not only him but Naruto san as well. Your both going through it. And only you two know the pain your in, really." Ayame nodded her head in Itachi's direction. He had his arm propped on the bar top and his chin was resting on his wrist. "Maybe, we can work together to keep Itachi safe. And hell, maybe you two can help each other."

Sakura nodded, the bar top becoming increasingly interesting all of a sudden. She could do this. She could put her pain aside and be there for him. Because by the looks of it, he needed her more then she needed herself. She could do this. Right?


The house was completely dark. It was early in the morning by now. close to three, and she had just managed to drag him back home.

"Come on, lets get you in bed." Her voice strained a bit as she held his dead weight on her left side.

Making it to the kitchen, she steered him into the hallway. Stumbling on a lose board, Sakura's left shoulder bumped into the wall and she hissed. It would bruise but it wasn't serious.

Itachi huffed at her hiss and shoved her away from him. Standing a straight as he could, he staggered for a second getting his balance, then began trying to make his own way down the hall.

"Go home." He slurred.

Sakura pinched her eyes shut for a second, trying to reign in her temper from being so rudely dismissed.

"Itachi, I'm just trying to help." She caught up to him as he reached and threw open his door.

He twisted and faced her faster then she thought he was capable of in his state. He swayed to the side but caught himself on the door jam. A feral snarl twisted his lips as he leaned forward slightly, towering over her. She would be lying if she said she wasn't a tad bit afraid. He could kill her before she could even blink, and with him being so drunk, she wasn't so sure he wouldn't.

"Well Aren't you just high and mighty! I don't need or want any help from you!" He yelled in her face. "You don't understand what I'm going through." He hissed at her. "Get. Out."

Sakura felt the hairs on the back of her neck raise, and felt as if she had been sucker punched in the chest. She felt herself start to huff as her temper began to flare. How dare he! She knew! She was probably the only person who knew!

Scowling into his face, she shoved her palm on his chest, pushing him back a few inches. He staggered but surprisingly stayed upright.

"I do know! Don't forget that I was there! I lost him to! But more then that I lost Naruto! Both of them are gone and I couldn't do shit to bring them back!" She pushed him again, this time shoving him across the room and he hit the floor heavy at the foot of his bed. "Do not stand there and tell me I don't know! because I do!"

The familiar burning of her nose had her blinking her eyes repeatedly for a second before settling them back on the last uchiha before her.

Crouching down, she grabbed his chin and forced his head in her direction. His eyes didn't follow. His eyes were blood shot red and unlike her, his tears flowed freely. They were locked in a corner and she looked to were he was looking. She wished she hadn't. A picture of Team 7 on the day they had made Jonin, and Itachi had Sasuke wrapped in a bro hug. The smiles on their could have lit up the entire world. Naruto Had threw his arm around both of them, trying to share the love. She stood to beside Sasuke, hugging his arm so she would fit into the frame. It was placed delicately on his dresser, front and center.

Hearing a shuddering breath from Itachi, she tore her eyes from the picture. Taking a deep breath, she tried to collect her thoughts.

Sakura plopped onto the floor beside him and leaned her head back. She chuckled. But nothing was funny. Turning her head to look at Itachi, she was glad to see he had finally pulled his gaze away from the frame.

"They would have been pissed if they saw us this way." She whispered. "Sasuke would have beat your ass, or tried to at least." she smirked. "Naruto would have drug me out of the house by now and yelled at me in front of everyone. Shaking me around like a rag doll."

God she missed them. She needed them... They needed them.

Itachi pushed himself up on his feet. He didn't sway.

"They would have wanted us to be happy." She said, her voice cracking a bit.

She gasped when He reached down and grabbed her hands, pulling her up from the floor.

"But he's gone. So it doesn't matter anymore." His words were slightly slurred, but sakura could tell he had sobered up quite a bit. "Go home, Sakura."

With that, he walked off into his bathroom and shut the door.

Walking home, Sakura's nerves were flayed. She felt as if her heart was going to break out of her chest. Her eyes burned, her nose burned and her throat felt constricted. Fighting it didn't seem to be making it go away either.

Sakura didn't cry. Little Haruno was gone... Itachi needed her. She could do this... Right?


Alright guys, this is the end of the first chapter. I hope you enjoyed and dont forget to drop a review. Let me know what you think. I love feedback, and use it to make my writing better. Thank you guys for sticking with me on this chapter. This was extremely hard for me to write. I am trying to creat their characters and its hard to do when trying to make the set. I know some things are still left un answered, but I promise, everything will come to light before the story ends. once again, dont forget to drop a review. Lots of love!