A/N:
so ig this isn't a oneshot anymore
but this is not going to be like, regularly updated or anything - just when i feel like it
ill try to make sure its around the same time, either on friday or saturday, tho
12/11/22: I rewrote this chapter too B)
I added like, 300 words this time, and I think I better fleshed out Obito's character (because before it didn't match at ALL with what he became later, LOL)
also fixed up some plot inconsistencies, so that's nice
Obito remains still, face pressed into the ground, for a good minute or so before finally peeling himself off the ground with a groan. Fuck, he thinks, grimacing as he spits out a clump of saliva-soaked dirt. Note to self: memories of training are not entirely equal to having said training.
God, he feels like he just went toe-to-toe with Gai. Who would've thought that sudden soreness was a side effect of fucking up kamui?
"Um. Who are you?"
Obito pauses, raises his gaze, and nearly has a stroke when he sees the whiskered blond staring directly at him.
What the fucking fuck.
"...Your mom," he replies, and promptly resists the urge to bury his face back into the ground. He and Deidara do look similar enough to be brothers, though. Maybe he should've asked about it; "Are you Minato-sensei's secret love child or something?"
He's sure that would've gone well.
The kid's eyes grow as wide as saucers. "You're a lady?!" the main character blurts out, then frowns. "Wait, my mom? But you look nothing like me, y'know!"
"You inherited your looks from your dad," he says, then pushes himself to his feet.
You're actually a carbon copy, actually. Remove those whiskers and square out your jawline, and blamo, you've got Minato Namikaze.
It's a real wonder nobody had made the connection before. He almost hopes, for his own sanity, that there's no pictures of Minato to be found around the Hidden Leaf. And that everyone somehow got amnesia or something. There is literally no other reason why nobody had ever made the connection, especially considering people from other villages were able to.
Then, because he lives for chaos and will probably never see Naruto again face-to-face, he eyes him consideringly. "No one ever told you what happened to your father, did they?"
Several emotions flicker across Naruto's face before his lips curl into a too-wide, lopsided smile. "Nyeh, Jiji told me enough. 'Least I know how he died."
Goddamn, he thinks, someone needs to teach this kid about stranger danger.
…
It won't be me, though.
"You should ask around about Minato Namikaze," Obito tells him. He'd single out Kakashi specifically, but he'd feel at least a little bad if he outed his trauma like that, even if the guy is a bit of a dumbass for trying to pretend that he doesn't know a thing.
"Min—" Naruto cuts himself off, eyes practically falling out of their sockets. "The Yondaime?! Why would I ask about him?!"
"Because, Naruto," Obito says, bending down to pat the blond on the head. "He is your father."
Then, because notes-to-self were made to be ignored, he activates his Sharingan, captures Naruto's dumbstruck expression in (way more than) 4K, and disappears once again.
"Who the fuck are you?"
"You know," Obito muses, "I've been asked that a lot lately."
"Have you been hired by Gatou?" another voice asks. They're far more polite, but hidden within their words is a warning.
Terrifying. And he does mean that, because he's pretty sure that either one of these people could take him down without too much effort, if they really wanted to. He's literally just been thrown into this body, after all.
So he should avoid them at all costs. Or cooperate, if he must.
Instead, he opens his mouth and decides to cause problems on purpose, so less problems happen later on. He's a genius.
"...Not quite. I heard that he was asking around for a job. Are you two here for the same thing?"
Fuck yeah, he thinks, mentally patting himself on the back. I'm a great liar.
There's a brief pause before Haku replies. "Perhaps. Could you enlighten us on the job's details?"
Obito puts on a suspicious expression. It's not hard, because he is suspicious about the fact that this is going so well for him. "Well, if you don't know…"
"Getting rid of a group of ninjas?" Zabuza asks roughly. "Is that it?"
Obito eyes them for a moment longer before nodding slowly. "...Yes. If two ninjas constitute a group, anyway."
"Two ninjas?" Haku echoes.
"Unless more showed up prior to my arrival, yeah." He pretends to think for a moment, and decides to forgo all subtly for his next line. "I think it was something about a master and their apprentice…? Ah, and it was specifically mentioned that they had to be dealt with tomorrow afternoon, on some sort of bridge."
Haku and Zabuza seem to hold a conversation through a series of brief glances.
"I see," the former eventually replies, offering a polite-yet-sharp smile. "I'm afraid we've already taken the job, shinobi-san."
Obito blinks, and does his best not to laugh nervously at the implied threat. "Ah, I get it. Don't worry, I'm not here to steal your job. Just thought I'd check it out since I was close by."
He puts on a smile, then promptly leaps backwards while feeling the increasingly familiar pull of kamui. "Ja ne!" he calls out, dropping through the open window before retreating to the kamui dimension.
Once inside, he spends the next five minutes trying not to vomit. Maybe he should refrain from pulling any 'cool tricks' before he has this whole Sharingan thing figured out.
"What the hell are you looking at, dumbass?" Sasuke snaps, glaring at the blond who'd been shooting him suspicious looks all throughout dinner.
"None of your business, bastard," Naruto replies, narrowing his eyes as he inspects his teammate's feminine features. He thinks of the two enigmas - Haku and that mystery lady(?) with the scars - he'd met just a couple of hours before and squints harder. "Nothing at all."
A few seats away, Kakashi pointedly ignores both boys, even as he's subjected to Sakura's questioning glances. He doesn't know why Minato-sensei's son has suddenly become infatuated with his Uchiha teammate, and quite frankly, he does not want to know why.
A/N:
about the ending: this isn't narusasu, i just thought it'd be amusing if kakashi wildly misunderstood why Naruto was staring at Sasuke
unless you want it to be, i guess. you do you
and tbh, obito is just like "well, im here now, time to get revenge on the universe by goofing up canon"
aaaand
the stupid father thing is a star wars reference because why the heck not
anyways
thanks for reading!
