A/N:
I've realized that the last chapter's title could probably be misinterpreted as a hiatus announcement, but I'm not changing it because 'womp womp' is hilarious
I doubt that anyone *did* see it that way, but just in case... the last chapter was an actual chapter, LOL
Obito nearly falls out of a tree when he sees Gaara arrive. Partially because holy shit, Gaara, and partially because his eyes are actually ringed.
He'd always thought that the kid just had major eyebags. He does, but he's also unintentionally cosplaying a panda. Or, in his case, a tanuki.
Also, as it turns out, Gaara's team isn't the only one sent from Sand. There are like, three others, though none of them look particularly interesting. Even if he hadn't known the proceeding of events, he'd wager that they'd all be taken out even before making it to the finals.
Anyway, Obito only sees their little group - Gaara's team, that is - because they manage to get lost on the way to their hotel, somehow. Judging by the way Temari keeps shooting glares at Kankuro, Obito's willing to bet that it's somehow his fault.
He really should just leave them alone. They'll eventually make it to their destination either way - it just might take them a little longer than expected.
But Doug, if he isn't curious.
After far less hesitation than he should have, Obito grabs half of his disguise from kamui and teleports around the corner before starting a slow walk down the road.
When he hears footsteps growing closer, he shifts to the side. It's not until he hears a brief scuffle that he bothers looking back. Within the same moment, Gaara stops in place and releases a burst of unconcentrated killing intent, causing both of his siblings to pale.
Before he can say a word, Obito turns around. "Is everything alright?"
There's a brief pause before three gazes snap onto him. He offers a casual smile from beneath his facemask, Kakashi-style.
"We're fine," Temari answers with a too-polite smile when she realizes that no one else is going to respond.
"Yeah r— fucking stop that!" Kankuro hisses, rubbing his forearm. Temari drops her elbow, somehow managing to glare at her brother without ever dropping her smile. "What? We're fucking lost!"
"And who's fault is that?"
"Well maybe if you hadn't—"
"Stop that," Gaara rasps. Although he's quiet, his voice almost seems to pierce through the air.
"S-sorry, Gaara," Temari eventually manages to get out, while Kankuro nods and lets out a nervous laugh.
Obito frowns at the interaction before smoothing out his expression. "You said you're lost?"
The redhead's gaze shifts towards him. After a moment, he intones, "We are trying to locate our hotel."
"I'm sure I could tell you where it is," Obito offers. He's not lying, either; he's spent many a day scouring around every corner of Konoha out of masochistic boredom, and has practically memorized its main layout by now.
…In theory, anyway. He will admit freely that he is not talented at focused recollection. Hopefully off-brand muscle memory would guide him through this one.
"You're a shinobi from this village?" Gaara asks, looking him up and down.
Well my name's on a pretty (morbidly) cool rock that says I was, but I'm not sure if my falsified expiration date cancels out my status or not, so it's a tossup, he doesn't say.
Instead, he hums in response. "What's this hotel's name?"
Gaara's eyes narrow, though he doesn't call him out on his avoidance of the question. "Temari."
The blonde startles, then glances between her brother and Obito before answering. "The Red Maple Hotel."
Obito chokes on a laugh. How on-brand for Konoha.
Despite his amusement, he's not surprised in the least. He's pretty sure half the streets around here are named after some tree or plant. The only exception is the area around the newer Uchiha Compound, which is blatantly petty and frankly depressing, because he knows that must've been the Council's decision rather than the Uchiha's.
Unfortunately, he doesn't actually know where that is, but he does know where most of the competitors have been heading, so it must be somewhere around there.
"I'll take you there," he says, and without waiting for a response, turns to walk back the way they came.
"Wh— you're joking!" Kankuro lets out, while Temari breathes out an irritated sigh. To his surprise, the group follows him without protest, and he eventually slows down so he's not greatly outpacing them.
"So, you're here for the chunin exams, yeah?" he asks, eyes flicking towards them.
Temari and Kankuro share a glance before the former nods, clearly deciding that there's no reason to lie.
"From Suna, too," Obito adds lightly. "What's that like?"
Temari frowns, just barely. Not out of distaste, he thinks, but she doesn't understand if he's trying to get at something else. "It's fine."
"I've never been," Well, at least to my knowledge anyway, "But I've heard a lot about it."
Suddenly, each of the genin look more alert. "Oh, really?"
Yeah, I've heard that the sand is coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. Also, apparently it's a total bitch to get out of your clothes, and a number of other TMI things that I don't care to think about ever again, much less repeat.
"Nothing bad," he eventually settles upon. "How does it compare to Konoha?"
"It's very green here," Kankuro inputs dryly, rolling his eyes when Temari shoots him a glare.
"Lots of chlorophyll to munch on," Obito agrees, because he just says whatever pops into his head, apparently.
Kankuro pauses. "What?"
"Yeah, you know, the stuff that makes the leaves green," he continues. In for a penny, in for a pound, and all that. "Some people just pluck them off of trees for a quick snack."
Both Temari and Kankuro look faintly disturbed, and even Gaara looks mildly constipated. "What?" Kankuro repeats, not able to hide the incredulity in his voice.
"It's faster than photosynthesizing, so a lot of shinobi use 'em like ration bars."
"People don't photosynthesize," Gaara tells him suddenly and intently.
Obito sniffs, shaking off his brief surprise at the redhead's response. "Of course they do. How else would they get their nutrients?"
"You have restaurants everywhere," Temari points out.
"Oh, those? Yeah, that's just for fun."
"For fun, he says," Kankuro whispers not-very-quietly. It takes everything Obito has not to burst out laughing.
"I'm surprised you didn't know," he eventually says, once he's able to compose himself. "But I guess it could always be a hazing thing."
"Hazing thing?" Gaara echoes.
"When superiors play a joke on the newbies for a laugh," Obito explains solemnly.
Gaara pauses, then narrows his eyes. "You're lying."
"I'd never."
"Then prove it," the redhead demands. His siblings look caught halfway between terror and desperate intrigue.
Obito stares at the genuine curiosity in Gaara's eyes and decides that sacrifices must be made. The next time they pass a tree, he pulls a small leaf off of a branch. Then, without breaking eye-contact, he lifts the bottom of his mask and places the leaf on his tongue before beginning to chew.
The Sand team looks on in horror.
After a long, arduous process, he eventually swallows. "Delicious," he proclaims with little inflection.
"You—"
"Oh, hey, look, we're here," Obito interrupts, looking up at the hotel. When they all turn to follow his gaze, he spirits away within an instant and proceeds to spend the next ten minutes trying to wash out his mouth with prayers and a liberal use of toothpaste.
Even as the awful taste of leaf-residue lingers, he erupts into hysterics at the HD image he'd captured of the Sand genins' gobsmacked expressions.
Worth it.
A/N:
insert after-credits scene where Gaara tries to eat a leaf and just ends up disappointed here
(this is so stupid LOL)
anyway
Thanks for reading!
