A/N:

this is another AU Chapter (i.e., NOT CANON to the rest of the story) :)


Obito may have fucked up, just a little bit.

When he stumbles upon one of Minato's old Hiraishin kunai, it's by complete accident. But it's there, so he does the only reasonable thing he can in that situation and decides to take it as some sort of fucked up souvenir.

He does not expect it to warp his kamui into something unrecognizable before kicking his ass back to the founding of Konoha. But life hates him, so it does. And now he's here, spitting out mouthfuls of saliva-soaked dirt and hanging on the outskirts of the skeleton of the village.

And also sitting on the other end of Tobirama Senju's red-eyed stare, as you do.

"...Lovely weather we're having," he says a little hysterically. The other man's eyes narrow, and he's barely able to suppress an audible gulp.

At least the Warring States period wasn't still in full swing. At least now he can try to talk himself out of this one. Somehow.

"Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?"

He blinks. Tobirama blinks. He stares up at the sky and begs Doug to strike him down.

"Uchiha," the other man intones slowly, "What are you doing here?"

Obito wants to reply, he really does, but all he can think is, Oh fuck, I totally forgot that I'm an Uchiha.

Tobirama clears his throat, and Obito startles. "Oh. Uh… Taking a stroll…?"

"A stroll?" Tobirama replies dubiously.

"A stroll," Obito agrees like a dysfunctional parrot. "The leaves are very green around here. Very nice to look at."

What the fuck is wrong with me.

Tobirama frowns and eyes him like he's a dangerous specimen, or perhaps a particularly dense drunk. Obito can't find it in himself to be offended.

"I should probably go home now," Obito tells him, pushing himself off the ground. He does not know how to get home, but that is a problem for later.

"Wait," Tobirama says, causing him to freeze in place. "What is your name?"

There's a brief moment of silence in which Obito has to physically swallow back the urge to reply with 'your mom.' "Obito," he eventually manages to say, because he literally has no reason to lie.

Tobirama presses his lips together. "I don't recall a name like that among the Uchiha."

Obito resists the urge to gape at him. "You remember every one of them?"

The man simply stares at him, eyes narrowed. Obito gets the feeling that he should not stay here for much longer.

"Well, it was nice chatting with you," he says quickly, "But I really have to get going. Places to be, things to see, deaths to not die. You understand."

Tobirama steps forwards, and Obito barely suppresses a squeak.

"No, no, I think you should stay right there. Six feet apart. Stay Covid safe and all that."

As Tobirama's brows furrow, his Sharingan lights up, which is probably a bad idea considering the way the man instinctively reaches down to grab his sword, but it's too late to care about that. He doesn't waste another moment before disappearing into kamui, where it's safe and warm and boring and he won't be killed by uber-powerful village founders.

The last thing he sees before slipping away is Tobirama's bewildered expression, which he didn't think the man could even make.


He may have miscalculated.

See, he doesn't actually know anything about seals. He's just been staring at the Hiraishin for the past several hours, completely lost on what the fuck he's meant to do.

It's looking more and more like he's going to be forced to become a mysterious rogue with an unknown backstory, and—

Well, aside from the Wattpad cliches, he'll be stuck in the Founders Era if he can't figure something out soon. The unfortunate thing is, the only seal master he knows during this time is Tobirama, and… Their parting was rather awkward, to say the least.

Which is why he breaks into his weird sealing shed thing in an attempt to find something to help him out. Considering that the man can literally sense people from countries away, he feels like he really should've expected something to go wrong.

And it does. Very, very wrong. Because not only does Tobirama show up, but Hashirama fucking Senju does, too.

Obito immediately drops the papers he's holding back onto the desk and wiggles his hand into the air. "Oooh, I'm a ghost."

He will be soon if he keeps this up, either by his own hand or someone else's.

"You," Tobirama says, crossing the room disturbingly fast in order to catch Obito's wrist in his grip. "What are you doing here?"

"Tobi?" Hashirama asks, eyes flicking between the two of them. "Who is this?"

"No one important, I'm sure," Tobirama answers, at the same time that Obito says, "We're besties."

It's almost like he has a death wish.

For whatever reason, Hashirama chooses to focus on the latter statement, and his eyes well up with tears. "Besties?" he echoes, turning towards Tobirama. "Tobiiii, you have friends?"

"What? No—" Tobirama begins, only to let out a choked noise when Hashirama throws himself at him. Obito stumbles, since the man somehow manages to keep his wrist in his hold even as he jerks backwards.

"I knew you'd find a friend one day," Hashirama wails. Obito rubs his eye with his free hand and wonders if he's going insane.

"We are not friends," Tobirama finally says with a forceful shove, after a full minute of trying to catch the man's attention. Hashirama steps backwards, sniffling.

"You knew him, and you never mentioned him to me," he points out. "So you must be—" He cuts himself off, eyes widening as he lets out a scandalized gasp. "Unless…?"

"Stop thinking whatever you're thinking right now."

"Are you—"

"Aniki."

"— Secret lovers?!"

Tobirama closes his eyes for a long, pained second. Obito feels like he should be eating popcorn.

"Leave," Tobirama intones blandly.

"But—"

"One, two—"

"Agh! Don't start the countdown!" Hashirama whines. "Okay, okay! I'm going! I'll leave you two… alone." He sniffles again, heading for the door. "Gah, my baby brother, growing up so fast!"

Tobirama stares him down until he finally opens the door.

"Take care of him, Uchiha-san!" Hashirama calls out. "Don't let him die alone!"

"Aniki."

"I'm out, I'm out!"

The door finally closes. Obito feels as if he's just experienced a fever dream.

"Well?"

Obito startles. "What?"

"What are you doing here?" Tobirama asks, voice far colder than before. "In this room, and in this village? It's clear that you don't live here."

Obito opens, then closes his mouth. There's… really not a lot he can lose here, aside from his last remaining scraps of sanity.

"Technically," he says slowly, "I do." Did. "Just… not right now…"

"Not right now," Tobirama echoes flatly.

"Not in this time …?" Obito says, and it sounds more like a question than a statement. "Uh… more like, several decades from now."

Tobirama stares. He stares back.

"I wish I was kidding."

There's a brief moment of silence before Tobirama presses his lips together. "Say I believe you," he says, which leaves him absolutely gobsmacked. "How would you manage to end up here?"

"A terrible mix of seals and Sharingan bullshit," Obito offers a little sheepishly. "I don't know either."

Tobirama eyes him for all of a minute before pinching the bridge of his nose. "Wonderful. Well, if you're telling the truth, we might as well get you back."

Obito blinks dumbly. "Huh?"

"I'm well-versed in seals. Describe the one you so idiotically tampered with."

" I didn't —" Obito cuts himself off with a huff, still slightly confused by this turn of events. "It's a variation of your Hiraishin."

Tobirama frowns. "What kind of variation?"

"I don't know. It's on a different kunai."

The other man looks at Obito like he's an idiot. Rude.

"...Right. And the Sharingan?"

Obito kindly decides to ignore Tobirama's unnecessarily mean comments and crosses his arms, definitely not petulantly. "It's called kamui. It makes a sort of… pocket dimension I guess." He waves his hand through the air vaguely. "I mostly just use it to teleport."

"Which is what you did earlier, when we first met," Tobirama mutters, then raises his gaze once again. "Very well, I'll find something to fix your issue."
Obito blinks. "What? Just like that?"

"Are you expecting something else?" Tobirama asks, voice flat.

"Well it seems kinda…" He fumbles for the words, "...Easy."

In other words, he's not used to things going right for him. Either this is a once-in-a-blue-moon kinda thing, or it's an omen that he's about to die a miserable death.

"Would you like it to be difficult?"

Obito picks up on the irritation leaking through the other man's voice and waves his hands rapidly. "Aha, no, no, no. No. I'm fine with it being easy, thank you."

Tobirama eyes him for a moment longer before letting out a huff. "Then stay there. I should be able to figure something out soon enough."

Obito really wants to ask if he's just meant to hang around awkwardly for the foreseeable future, but he thinks that Tobirama might snap and shove a kunai through his chest if he does that. Probably not, since the guy is pretty sensible, but he's not taking any chances.

"Gotcha," he mutters unnecessarily.


Time passes slowly. Very, very slowly.

Tobirama is an awful conversationalist, to say the least. Or maybe it's just because he doesn't like him. Either way, anything he tries to say is either ignored or responded to with short, boring answers, and Obito eventually decides to distract himself with something else before Tobirama loses it.

It's not until he's counted the amount of scars in the floor's paneling for the second time that there's finally a break in the incredibly boring pattern.

"What are 'Girl Scout Cookies'?"

Obito blinks. Once. Twice. "What?"

"You mentioned them before," Tobirama mutters. "What are they?"

"Uh," he lets out dumbly. He has no idea how he's meant to respond to this. "They're… cookies. There's a bunch of different flavors, and they're sold by 'Girl Scout troops,' which are basically just groups of little kids who do…" He squints. "Wilderness stuff…? Or survival-y things?" He grimaces. "Either way, it's to raise money so they can support their troops."

Tobirama remains silent for several minutes. Just as Obito is beginning to wonder if that's all there'd be to the conversation, he speaks up once again. "And these 'Girl Scout troops…' are they anything like shinobi squads?"

Obito blinks, then chokes back a laugh. When Tobirama turns towards him with a light glare, he forcibly smooths out his expression. "No. No, definitely not." He pauses. " Well. Maybe. Kinda like a really big genin team. Except with less violence."

Tobirama turns back towards his table with a slight frown. "And they're only for girls?"

"Ah… Kinda? Kinda not. There are Boy Scouts, too. There was kind of a mixing thing going on, though…"

The crease in Tobirama's forehead becomes more apparent. "So these are entirely unrelated to shinobi? Can one of these scouts still become one?"

I have no fucking idea, because they literally do not exist in this universe, Obito doesn't say. Instead, he shrugs. "Guess so. Scouts are probably more of a little kid thing, though. Or a civilian one. Can't say it wouldn't be good for teaching Aca— er, shinobi candidates some survival skills, though."

Tobirama hums, still frowning. Obito eyes him for another several moments, but it seems like he's done with the conversation. About Girl Scouts.

Obito raises his gaze towards the ceiling and wonders what the fuck went wrong to land him in these sorts of situations.


"Uchiha."

"Wh— huh?"

When Obito opens his eyes, he's immediately met with the unimpressed gaze of Tobirama Senju, and comes to the embarrassing realization that he must've fallen asleep at some point.

"I've finished your seal," Tobirama tells him.

Obito pauses, brain still buffering. "Already?"

"It's been nearly a full day," the man points out. Now that he mentions it, when Obito squints, he can see bags under his eyes.

"You didn't have to do it all right away," he mutters.

"I'd rather not have dealt with Madara's reaction to a future Uchiha appearing in the middle of Konoha out of nowhere," Tobirama replies dryly. "Much less my brother's."

Obito winces. "Fair enough," he says, then glances downwards to see the large sheet of painted parchment that stretches across the ground. He tilts his head, eyeing swooping, curved lines and tiny script with a mixture of bewilderment and awe. "Is this the seal?"

Tobirama grunts in response. "You just need to sit in the center."

"And you're sure this'll work."

"It should," Tobirama replies. Obito decides not to tell him that, combined with the fact that he hadn't even spent a whole day on the seal, isn't very reassuring.

With an exhale, he pushes himself upwards and ambles to the middle of the seal, careful not to step onto any of the ink. Now that he can see the whole thing, he feels like he can recognize some of it. Some Hirashin script, plus a recreation of his Mangekyou pattern are both present in the design.

"How did you know about the Sharingan pattern?" Obito asks, incredulous.

"I saw it when you first used your 'kamui,'" Tobirama says blandly, like that isn't a disturbingly impressive thing to do. "Now, start channeling your chakra."

After a moment of hesitation, Obito follows his instruction. Immediately, the seals begin glowing from beneath him. When he blinks in surprise, the light flickers.

"Keep channeling," Tobirama tells him firmly. Obito quickly tightens his hold on his chakra, and the glow solidifies.

Tobirama circles around the seal twice before humming. "It should be fine," he eventually says. "Use your kamui again, and you'll return from where you came."

Obito's Sharingan flickers to life, but he pauses before allowing it to spin into the Mangekyou. He raises his gaze, and upon meeting eyes as red as his own, he offers a smile. "Thanks."

The moment the word slides off his tongue, he feels the pull of kamui. Between one blink and the next, he disappears.


"Hey, Mister!"

Obito stumbles before reorienting himself. When he looks to the side, a little girl stares up at him with wide eyes and a bright smile.

"Do you wanna buy some Girl Scout cookies?"

Obito blinks, wondering if he's heard her right. "Sorry, what?"

"Do you wanna buy some Girl Scout cookies?" she repeats cheerfully. "Our organization was supported by our very own Second Hokage, you know. And his Uchiha friend, too!"

"His Uchiha friend," Obito repeats, mind whirling.

"Obito Uchiha," she chirps, then beams at him. "So, do you wanna buy some?"

Obito swallows back a hysterical laugh. "Yeah. Okay. Sure, why not? Just give me whatever."

"Thank you very much, sir!" she says when he hands her a handful of ryo. "Here's your box!"

Obito watches her walk away before lowering his gaze to the box in his hand. Printed on the front, below a group of kids, are two cookies with chocolate swirls. And below that—

He reads the name of the cookies once, and then twice to make sure. But it stays the same, no matter how many times he looks.

Kamui Swirls, it reads.

Obito's not sure whether to laugh or cry.


A/N:

Girl Scouts were not on the menu, but it was written anyway because I have no self-control after making offhand jokes
also I, personally, subscribe to the theory that Tobirama is absolutely uptight, but he's also the most hilariously go-with-the-flow kinda guys in the most ridiculous situations, purely because he has to deal with them all the time

btw, these time-travel shenanigans are not at all canon to the existing story, but if you wish, you can pretend that Girl Scout cookies exist in the SIObitoverse
I wasn't even in any scout-like programs btw, I just write whatever pops into my head and hope for the best, and for some reason this happened
(I could write. so much more on this. and that, I think, is the most disturbing part, LOL)

also also: I know 'Kamui Swirls' is a terrible name but I'm uncreative, so B)

anyway
Thanks for reading!