CHAPTER 4: Murky Waters

"You're so wet."

My back arches, rubbing my aching nipples on Drew's chest as two fingers enter me. I squirm as he pumps faster and deeper, aiding his movements with my arousal.

I try to gain my bearings enough to respond somehow. Rake his back, claw his hair, tug on his shorts—anything, but I can't. Drew commands my body like an instrument, immobilizing me until he deems otherwise. He isn't my king, but he's definitely in charge of me. His fingers dive deep into my pussy, and the shockwaves resonate everywhere. I'm paralyzed, at his mercy.

"What's the matter, love?" he taunts. "Can't handle me now?"

"F-Fuck…oh god…fuck you…."

"You will, but for now, I want you to come for me. Will you do that for me, love? Will you come for me?"

I bite my lip, trying to resist. But the pressure is already there. Building. Too much.

"Now."

I scream, convulsing onto his fingers. Drew's fingers continue to plunge as I ride out my orgasm. I'm so dazed, I don't notice him pull out and zip my jeans closed. That is until he commands me to look at him. I try to keep my eyes closed—my last attempt at resisting him—but he pinches my chin and holds it until he returns to my vision.

"Watch," Drew raises his soaked fingers.

He taps them to his thumb, making my cum form a string between them. Then he stares right into my eyes and licks those fingers clean. I'm so shocked and embarrassed, my mouth falls open, silent.

"My turn," Drew steps back. "On your knees."

My legs are wobbly, so it doesn't take long to do what he says. But I regret it as soon as I do. Drew has tugged down the front part of his shorts and pulled out his dick. It sticks out straight between my eyes, precum dripping onto the sand.

"Open your mouth again, love."

"I-I can't," I stare at the twitching length. "Y-You're too big."

"So, you can't handle me, after all. Pity," Drew pumps his cock, pushing more cum out of the tip. "Guess I'll have to finish another way."

"N-No, it's fine!" I halt without thinking. "I'll…I'll try. I can handle you. I t-told you."

"Can you now?"

"Yes."

"Then prove it. Open your mouth."

I gulp before forcing my mouth open. Drew quickly shoves his cock between my lips, pushing my teeth apart.

"Wider," he urges.

But he doesn't wait until I do it myself. He grabs my hair and pushes my head to him. His erection fills my mouth, stretching it, and I panic.

"Breathe through your nose. That's it, love. Good girl."

For some reason, that praise eases me. He notices this too because he keeps the compliments going.

"Your mouth feels so good, love. It's better than my fantasies. Part it even wider, love. Yes, that's it, you're so perfect. You're so damn perfect."

I moan in flattery, and the vibrations course through his dick. Drew seems to appreciate that because he tightens his grip on my hair and thrusts a little harder. I cough but keep him inside my mouth. I even swirl my tongue as much as I can around his skin, watching for his reaction.

He likes it. He likes it a lot.

"Fuck," his eyes squeeze shut.

As he uses me as his personal sex toy, I unzip my jeans and slip a hand under my panties. It's a tight fit, but I alternate between rubbing my clit and entering my pussy. I stare at him until he notices what I'm doing.

When he does, he curses again. "Love, you'll be the death of me."

We keep going this way, enticing each other, until my mouth is suddenly gushing with cum. I swallow the thick, salty substance all the way down, licking my lips as Drew watches.

"Fuck," Drew tugs his dick back into his shorts. "That was fucking brilliant."

My throat clears, sore from the pounding. "Y-Yeah."

Drew helps me off the sand and zips my jeans back up. He gazes into my eyes, which allows me to do the same with his. His irises are much darker. Not even green anymore. Bordering on red.

"Whatever plans you have tonight, love, cancel them," he orders. "You're spending your night with me."

That pulls me out of my post-orgasmic haze. "No."

"What do you mean no?"

"No, as in this isn't happening again. We've had our fun, but I still don't like you. I'm not spending my free time with you."

"You just did," Drew closes in until I'm back against the wall again. "I know you want me; you just hate that you do. But how long are you going to hold out until you're crawling back to me, love? How long will you touch yourself thinking of me until you ask for the real thing?"

I shuffle under his intense study. "You…you think too highly of yourself."

"Then tell me now, love. Tell me to leave your life forever. Because until you do, I'll keep coming back and having my fill of you."

I gape.

"Say it," Drew urges. "Say you want me to leave. Say goodbye."

I want to. I really do. I should! But if I do, then I won't just be lying to Drew but also to myself. Because Drew is right: I do want him. And as much as that scares me, having him leave isn't how I want this affair to end.

And it will end, just not yet.

"...How would you like to meet tonight?"

"I'll pick you up at your mansion," Drew is smiling now instead of smirking. That somehow aggravates me more than when he's being arrogant. He's being genuine, open, and that also scares me. "Does seven in the evening work for you?"

He strokes my cheek as if to comfort me. Does he know how nervous I am? Am I showing it?

Just in case I am, I plaster a blank expression. "Sure."

"I'm glad."

Then Drew kisses me, and I melt at his touch. He hooks his arms around my waist to steady me, which is good because my knees are shaking.

When he pulls away, he glares at my forgotten lunch sitting on the bike. "I'll take you to eat somewhere nice. You'll thank me later."

I open my mouth to give him hell, but he kisses me before a word comes out. I forget what I'm about to say, or why I'm angry.

"Until then," Drew retreats backward, keeping our gaze connected.

"Okay," I mutter, and he finally jogs away.

~.~

What the hell is wrong with me?

After throwing away my cold fast-food meal, I ride my motorcycle back to the mansion and lock myself in my room. The wall mirrors are the first thing I turn to, filling me with horror. My biking outfit is covered with creases, my jean zipper is seconds from tearing open, and my long chestnut hair has been ruffled and tangled. But worst of all, my red lipstick is all over my mouth and chin, making me look like a vampire again.

Fuck Drew Hendercort. Actually, no, don't fuck him! That's what got me into this mess in the first place.

I throw off my clothes and wipe off my makeup. At least Drew has some cleanup to do too. There had been a lot of lipstick on his dick after he fucked my mouth with it.

Fuck, why have I let Drew do that in the first place? I hate that man! Not only is he a speciesist prick, but he's also shamelessly admitted to wanting to play me like a toy. Now I know it's a sex toy, specifically, and he can play with me because I let him. I'll let him do that to me. And the worst part is, if he comes to me and asks for more, I'll probably give it to him too.

I quickly hop into the shower and wash this mistake away. Around the time I start washing my hair, I start crying too. I fall to my knees and sob in the shower stall. Then, when I feel tired, I wobble out of the shower and limp to the bed. I don't bother drying my hair or moisturizing. I limp because I finally feel the aftershock of Drew's rough handling, and I'm crazy sore between my legs.

I don't know how long I lay in bed, but I know I've soaked my pillow with tears when someone knocks at my door, and I lift my head. Cool air hits my cheeks, pointing out how damp they are.

"May, it's Max," my brother calls out from the hallway. "Can I come in?"

I groan and sit up. "Hold on."

I grab a bathrobe and wrap it around me before opening the door. Max walks in with a disheveled sweater vest and dusty glasses, so I know he's been outside. He looks me over and frowns. "You, okay?"

"Do I look that bad?"

"You look like you've been crying," Max closes and locks the door behind him. "What happened, May? You still upset from King Andrew's rejection last night?"

Hearing Drew's name makes me flinch.

"Ah, come on, don't worry about it, sis," Max gives me a one-armed hug. "We'll get other investors. We know a lot of people too, so we can get multiple rich people investing in Allistar instead of just one."

"Yeah." I wobble when Max roughly rubs my shoulders. He doesn't mean to, but he has grown taller and bigger than me since puberty. I can't beat him up as I used to when we were kids. At least I'm mature enough to just hit his arm when he upsets me.

Max pulls away, confused. "Wait, you're still upset, so it's something else. What else happened, May? What's getting you to cry like this?"

I bow my head in shame. Not because I answer to Max, but because even when I answer only to myself, I still can't own up to what I've done.

But I will now. I have to get this out of my chest and let someone else share the burden with me. "I did something bad, Max."

"What did you do?"

"I...I hooked up with someone."

"Was it someone already in a relationship?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Are you going to see them again?"

I wrap my arms around myself. "I don't know."

"Well, it seems like it's just a one-time thing, right? If you're not sure if this person you hooked up with is in a relationship or not, then just don't see them again. Problem solved. Wait, they didn't force themselves on you, did they?"

"No, of course not. I wanted it, that's the problem."

"What?"

I hug myself tighter and cringe. "Brendan is dead, and I still visit his parents all the time. How can I go to another man, much less enjoy being with him?"

"May," Max scratches his head, "It's been almost ten years. Don't you think it's time to move on?"

"How can you say that?" My hands ball into fists. "I loved Brendan. He was everything to me. How can I just forget him after he was brutally murdered?"

"I'm not saying to forget him; I'm saying to move on. Those are two different things."

"How?"

"The same thing we did with Mom and Dad when they died," Max suggests gently. "Keep him in your heart so your mind can focus on other things like the foundation. Or a new relationship."

"You don't understand," I shake my head. "It's my fault that Brendan is dead in the first place. I don't want to date another man, just so I can ruin his life too."

"May, I've told you several times to stop blaming yourself. It's not your fault. You couldn't have known something like that would happen."

"But I should have. I should have known."

I stare at the skies outside of my window. The sun has set, and the skies are a lot cloudier than they have been at the beach. That's when a loud boom shakes the glass, followed by the patter of rain.

"I'm going out," I head to my closet to pick out another biker outfit.

"On your bike?" Max's eyes bug behind his glasses. "Are you crazy, May? That was thunder! Do you want to get hit by lightning?"

"The guy I hooked up with? He's coming here in an hour. He wants to take me on a date," I toss my clothes on the bed. "I don't want to be here when he is. What we did is a mistake and so will that date."

"So why not just tell him you're not interested?"

"It's not that easy."

"So, you're just going to stand him up?"

"Yup," my hands rest on my hips. "Now get out of my room. I need to change and leave as soon as possible."

Max frowns at the rain outside. "At least have Ramon take you on the limo."

"I hate that limo, and you know it. When I leave, I leave on my own terms. Now, go."

I don't wait for Max to move and instead push him out the door. I turn the locks soon after, but Max's shadow is still in the hallway.

"Can you at least tell me where you're going so I'm not worried?"

"The beach."

"Why?"

"Because no one will think to look for me there at night, especially in the rain."

"And what am I going to say when the guy gets here?"

"You're an ambassador. Be creative."

I hear Max groan from the other side of the door. "Fine, but you owe me," he says. Then he finally walks away.

Good, because I need to make my escape now.

I don't bother wearing makeup this time. I simply put on another set of blouse and jeans with my boots and jacket and run out the door. My bike is waiting for me at the garage. I haven't seen lightning yet, but if I don't want my motorcycle to bring one to me, I have to get to the beach before the storm worsens.

By the time Drew gets here, I'll be long gone, and he'll have to play with someone else's heart. Mine is not available for him. Not now, not ever.