Sachiko had always told him, starting back when she was a lisping toddler, that she wanted to be just like him when she grew up. And Kyo had laughed, and smiled, and told her she'd have to work on growing up, first. But even if he somewhat doubted her ability to follow through...it had been nice to hear.
'I'm gonna be a karateka, just like you, Daddy!'
She'd always been so very determined...
'Lookit, Daddy! I got promoted! I'm a jukkyu now! An' next time, I'll be in your class!'
And so very excited.
'I passed my nanakyu test, Daddy! I'm gonna be in your class again!'
Always, so very excited.
'Ugh, whyyyyyyyy do we have to wait until we're fourteen to test for dan? I know how to do all that stuff, Daddy, it shouldn't matter I'm not old enough!'
Not old enough, and not big enough, either. His daughter was Tohru's daughter, too, and like her mother, she was small. She might be technically skilled at twelve, but she still had a long way to go to be ready to take on more seasoned fighters...or larger ones.
'Hey, I get it, Sachi. Waiting sucks, and that's a fact. But look at it this way; the extra time'll give you more time to practice, and to train, and to work on getting stronger. Everyone at the dojo knows what a beast you are, but just ask Sasaki, or Ikeda; it's tough, being a female karateka, especially a little one. If you wanna stick with this, you've gotta work that much harder, to make up for your physical disadvantage. I mean...you really think you could take me, in a fight?'
To her credit, she had immediately been willing to try. She'd obviously and handily lost...but she'd been willing, and she'd given it her all.
'Ok, maybe you're right. But don't worry, Daddy, I'll get stronger. Just you watch!'
And she had. Stronger, and bigger too; puberty might not have been as dramatic for her as for most of the boys her age, but she still grew nearly four inches before she finally hit the magical age of fourteen and took her shodan test...where she, given the choice of dans to fight for her sparring test, had chosen Kyo.
Once again, she lost. But it was a much tougher fight that time, with Sachiko putting up a fierce resistance to all of Kyo's maneuvers, even if she was close to a head shorter than him with shorter arms and legs. Kyo had been beaming when the fight ended; even though she'd lost, it had been a good fight. And Sachiko had been beaming right back, her eyes dancing as she said,
'Told you I'd get stronger!'
Just like with Hajime, Kyo had gotten to replace Sachiko's brown belt with her new black one. But unlike with Hajime, there had been no bittersweetness. Sachiko's grin was big, eager, and pronounced; her excitement and joy at her new rank unparalleled. He had been so proud and happy as he watched her talking to her fellow new shodans, and the compliments he got from his coworkers on Sachiko's behalf had only made him happier. He had never wanted to let his hopes get too high, but...
'That daughter of yours is something, Sohma. I remember teasing her when she was just a little twerp of a four-year-old, and her sassing me in that sweet little voice of hers 'Just you wait, Sensei Maeda, when I get big I'm gonna kick your butt! I gotta admit it was hard to take her seriously then, but damn if she probably couldn't do it.'
Yes, she very possibly could, especially if Sensei underestimated her.
'You should be very proud of that girl, Kyo; if she remains even half as passionate as she is now, I can only imagine how bright her future in karate is going to be.'
So bright it was blinding.
Sachiko had started working out with Kyo in their home exercise room the week she started in the dojo, way back when she was five. Since the moment she'd been allowed inside, she had spent every moment she could in the dojo, taking every class she was permitted. Years had passed; she had seen many of her former classmates drop out. Kyo had been admittedly tense as Sachiko entered middle school, a notoriously rough time for the dojo's female students; they lost more girls around middle school than almost any other age.
He'd never needed to worry, not about her.
Sachiko's focus had never wavered, not for a moment. Middle school hadn't changed her priorities, nor had hormones. She'd discovered boys and started dating, but only around her karate schedule. Everything had been secondary to her karate schedule; even her homework, at one point, had taken a hit, until Kyo had sat her down and firmly told her that much as he understood, she couldn't skimp on school.
'I know I don't have a degree, Sachi, but the world's changing. I know you wanna teach, too, but you've gotta be able to do more than just karate, especially if you wanna one day be in charge.'
She'd been fifteen then, and that was the first time he'd ever even broached the subject. But ever since the day Kyo had accepted Hajime's time as a karateka was ending, he'd turned his gaze, and his hopes for the Sohma Dojo, to Sachiko.
It would be an uphill battle for her, he knew. He'd always known it, even when it came to her simply being a teacher, or even a dan. She was a woman, and a smaller one at that; she'd have to work twice as hard and be twice as fierce just to be taken seriously. To that end, he had pushed her; pushed her for her entire career. Yes, he'd encouraged her and yes, he'd supported her, but he'd never once gone easy on her, and he'd done his damnedest to make sure no one else did, either.
She had looked at him, then promised to do a better job with her schoolwork.
'I can do it, Daddy. Just you watch!'
He always had...and she always did.
Nearly two years had passed since then, and she hadn't let him down once. Her schoolwork was always done, and her grades were consistently good. She intended to go to university, after she'd graduated high school, and get herself a degree.
And in the meantime...
Every morning, Sachiko got up early and worked out at home; every weekday afternoon and Saturday morning, she spent hours at the dojo. She was strong, confident, and assured, one of the best young karateka the Matsuda Dojo had of either sex. Kyo couldn't be prouder of her, and the day had long since passed when he realized, with almost awed amazement, that Sachiko might actually do it. That his dream of having another karateka to succeed him might not just be a dream, but...reality.
So many times in the past few weeks, Kyo had wished it was possible to simply hand the dojo to Sachi. He knew Kazuma fully agreed about Sachiko's potential; Kazuma had witnessed Sachiko fight in tournaments, seen her in classes during vacation, regularly sparred with her himself. Both Kyo and Kazuma agreed that if she wanted to pursue karate professionally, the talent was more than there. But she was seventeen, and still in high school; even a life as a regular karate instructor was currently far beyond her reach.
Kyo didn't doubt Sachiko wanted the dojo, someday. They'd never talked about it directly, but one or two little comments over the years had made him confident; Sachiko fully expected for Kyo to take over from Kazuma, and then, one day...she'd take it over from him. It made sense, and would work nicely. Kyo was thirty years older than her; assuming he took over the dojo and worked until he was in his late seventies, that would put Sachiko in her late forties. Hell, he could even pass it over to her sooner; nothing said he had to stay the dojo master until he retired.
But the time Sachiko could run it was years in the future. Her rank was too low and she was far too young to be taken seriously as the master, which would be the case for at least the next several years. She needed to grow more, to train more; to participate in more tournaments, to rank up, to build a name and reputation of her own...
And it was possible that Kazuma could give her that time, in a perfect world. A part of Kyo had maybe been hoping for that outcome, all along.
That had been before the accident, though, and it was still asking a lot of both Kazuma and Sachiko. She would always have to work hard to prove herself as a female karateka; how much harder would it be, for her to be a young female dojo master?
How would the dojo's students respond?
And for all that he knew Kazuma loved her...would Kazuma even be willing to consider it?
The week passed by, like all the others before. On Wednesday evening Kyo smiled once more at his family split between the four corners of the screen, this time joined by Katsuro's girlfriend Mariko. They had all sang 'happy birthday,' teased Sachiko whether this was going to be the year she finally matured, and all wished her well for her upcoming sandan test. It had been nice...
And exactly as painful as he'd expected.
So too was his conversation with Sachiko on Saturday evening when she'd proudly shown him her belt, newly sporting a third bar. As he'd expected, she'd passed with flying colors, and she'd been excited and animated as she told him about the test before hesitating, then admitting, "I wish you could've been there, Daddy."
So did he.
But he'd smiled, and told her he was proud of her, and told her to study hard for her upcoming exams.
"Now your test's over, you've got no excuse not to focus hard on school, so I don't wanna hear about you slacking, got it?"
"Got it, Daddy, but don't you worry about me," she teased. "You know I never slack."
Yes...he did. Once she'd set her mind to something, she always got it done.
"You must be very excited, Kyo," Kazuma commented a couple weeks later. "Tohru and Sachiko will be here tomorrow, I can only imagine how happy you must be to see them."
Kyo grinned at him across the dinner table. "Yeah, I'm pretty stoked," he admitted with a smile. "I've been trying to think of how long I've ever been apart from Tohru before, and I feel like this's gotta be the longest. It's been over two months; usually she'd come see me halfway through my sabbaticals at the latest. I've really missed her," he admitted, and Kazuma smiled.
"I'm not surprised, two months is a very long time, especially when you're not used to being apart at all. It's been quite the sacrifice for you both, you being here with us."
"You know I've been happy to do it," Kyo began, but Kazuma cut him off with a smile.
"I know, and I've very much enjoyed having you here...though the next time we plan for an extended visit, I'd rather it be for a happier reason."
"You and me both," Kyo said, but he was smiling as he looked at Kazuma. Kazuma's cast was gone, and while his left arm was still supported by a sling to help protect his collarbone, his hand and arm were themselves medically cleared. Looking at him now, there was very little left to remind anyone of what had happened; Kazuma would have some interesting scars for a while, but he always wore long sleeved kimonos anyway and, as Kunimitsu had joked, hand scars gave martial artists an intimidation factor.
Slowly, but surely, Kazuma had gotten better, and was continuing to get better. Any and all inconvenience had been worth it, to be there; to help Kazuma, for a change, instead of the other way around. And Kyo...had enjoyed their time, too.
"Though I wish you'd tell me what's been troubling you," Kazuma said suddenly, and Kyo's eyes widened in surprise as he looked from Kazuma's arm to his face.
"What do you mean?" Kyo asked, and Kazuma raised his brow as Kunimitsu rose to stand.
"I'm gonna duck out to the dojo office for a bit, you two; there's some work I didn't finish today that I probably should."
Kyo stared after Kunimitsu, then looked back at Kazuma. "How come I feel like a kid about to get called on the carpet?"
Kazuma chuckled at the analogy. "I'm not sure, Kyo; should you feel that way?"
Kyo shifted uncomfortably. "Like I said, Dad, I'm not really sure what you mean. Yeah, I've been a little worried about you guys managing when I go, with your collarbone and all, but you already know that."
"I do," Kazuma agreed, studying him. "Which I why I'm reasonably confident that's not it. But there's been something troubling you about me for some time now, Kyo, and I'd really appreciate it if we could finally clear the air."
He looked so serious, and so calm. And he was smiling so very kindly...
Kyo exhaled, then looked at him. "We don't have to talk about it now, Dad."
"I know," Kazuma agreed. "But I feel we might as well; now is as good a time as any, don't you agree?"
Kyo looked at him, then finally nodded. "Yeah...I guess it is."
Nine weeks hadn't changed anything; he doubted three more would change anything, either.
He had no idea where to begin, though, and at first all he could do was sit there, staring at his hands. For a little while Kazuma watched him, studying him; then he asked, "This isn't just about my injuries, is it?"
Kyo shook his head. "No, it's not. Yeah, that's connected, and it's definitely what started me thinking about everything, but...it's not just about that, no. I've been thinking about you, and your injuries...and the dojo..."
"Ah..." Kazuma said, understanding illuminating his face. "So that's it, then."
They were both silent, for a time. Then Kazuma asked, "You're worried about my ability to meet my responsibilities, now that I've been injured?"
Kyo couldn't meet Kazuma's gaze, but he nodded. "Ability, and honestly interest, Dad. Yeah, you're back in the dojo now, and that's great, but you can't spar yet, and you won't be able to for months, probably. You can't move at speed, even to demonstrate technique. And you can't do kata, either. Without that stuff, even if you can still technically teach...are you still gonna wanna?"
Kyo's expression was anxious, and Kazuma studied him thoughtfully before exhaling himself. "I won't lie and say I haven't asked myself those same questions, Kyo. Especially right away after my accident...I was asking myself that constantly. And I won't say I've stopped, because I haven't; the truth, honestly, is that I don't know."
Kazuma was quiet for a moment, then continued. "I love karate, Kyo, and I always have. You know I always intended to practice, and to teach, until I was physically unable to...and it's likely that that time is approaching, far more quickly than I'd wish. You know I was pulling back from competing even before my accident; I believe it's safe to say, at this point, that those days are officially over. Maybe my days of sparring in any form at all, though it's too early to say."
He looked over at Kyo. "But I don't need to spar in order to teach, Kyo, and as much as I've always loved sparring, and competing, I've always loved teaching more. Whatever else happens with my healing, and my range of motion, I don't intend to step back from the dojo for some time yet, I promise you."
As much as that was a relief to hear, it wasn't enough. Kyo wished he could be satisfied, knowing he likely had more time; wished he could keep kicking that can down the road, like he'd done for a decade. But he couldn't.
There might be future accidents, or illnesses. Other injuries. The future was uncertain, but Kazuma's increasing age wasn't, and Kyo had avoided the subject for far too long as it was.
"Don't get me wrong, Dad, I'm happy to hear that all, really. I'm glad...you feel confident. But I've been thinking, a lot, and I think...it's time you and I talked about the dojo."
"I see," Kazuma said softly before looking across at Kyo. "And about how you no longer want it?"
Kyo felt like the floor dropped out from under him. "What?"
Kazuma smiled, that gentle, patient smile of his. "It's alright, Kyo, I promise you that. It was never my intention for you to feel as though you had no choice. Yes, I would have liked for you to succeed me, but...that's not what you want any more, is it?"
So many years had passed, since Kyo was that scared, nervous child, hiding behind Kazuma and staring when he wanted to talk. But even after all those years, Kazuma could still read Kyo better than practically anyone.
Kyo couldn't meet that understanding smile, and he stared down at the table. "I'm so sorry, Dad," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I always said I did, and I always meant it-"
"But you don't, anymore," Kazuma repeated, "And you haven't...for quite some time."
After a moment Kyo nodded. There was no point in even trying to deny it; Kazuma had likely guessed Kyo's feelings before Kyo even knew them himself.
"I never really thought about what it would mean, coming back," he admitted. "Leaving Hibe, and everything Tohru'n I have there. Coming back...to the Sohmas,' he said, swallowing.
"Yes...I noticed those looks too, at the board meeting," Kazuma said quietly. "A pity, that people are still allowing old prejudices to fester, even after all this time."
Kyo nodded again. "I feel like...I've made my peace with it all, Dad. With the Curse, and the Cat; it doesn't control me anymore, yeah, but I also don't pretend it didn't exist. I've found...a balance. But I don't know if I can keep that balance, living here. Not when every time I go onto the estate, which I'd have to do, as master, I'd have to be around those people. But it's not just that," he said, looking up.
"I respect what you do, so much, Dad. I always have. And I always wanted to be like you, one day, and take over this place and run it, just like you. But if I'm honest...I'm not a businessman, and I probably never will be. Yeah, I was good at math back in high school, and I can probably manage things if I've gotta, but spending my time doing that stuff...it sounds pretty awful, to be honest," he admitted, and Kazuma actually laughed.
"Yes, well, I admit that's never been my favorite part, either."
"Yeah, I know. It's just...I like where I'm at, Dad. I love where I'm at. In Hibe, at the dojo...I love teaching, too," he said, giving Kazuma a little smile. "Teaching, and practicing, and competing, and letting other people worry about paying the bills and maintaining the buildings. Yeah, I'm willing to step up in a pinch, and I always will be, but...I don't want that to be my life."
They were both quiet again, and Kazuma once again studied Kyo. Then, once more, Kazuma smiled.
"I'm going to tell you something, Kyo, and I think it might surprise you. But the truth is...if I were to go back, knowing what I know now, and be offered the dojo once more...I'm not entirely sure I would take it."
Kazuma was right; Kyo was not expecting that answer, and his look of stunned surprised was enough to make Kazuma laugh.
"I see I was right. But it's true, you see," he said. "Were all other things equal, if I could be certain I would still have you, and still find Kunimitsu...then I'm not sure if I would do this again. I love karate myself, and always have, but as you say...it's the practicing, and the teaching. I did the rest because I had to, but when I agreed to take on the position I was woefully unprepared and uneducated about just what I was accepting. I was twenty-five, remember, with no business training and one year of an abandoned university degree. I'd been teaching here, yes, but not once had I been shown any part of the business side of things. It was not...the easiest transition," Kazuma admitted.
"And then you took on a bratty five-year-old," Kyo said, his voice catching.
"I did," Kazuma agreed. "That part though, I would never change."
They smiled at each other across the table, then Kazuma continued. "I won't lie and say it's been easy, or that I've always enjoyed it. But I enjoy it enough, for the most part, and I've always been content. Having this position has granted me a great deal of freedom and control over my life, after all; it's given me a home, a place to raise my son, and a place to welcome my family," he continued, smiling at Kyo. "And through it, I found the love of my life. But that...is me."
He reached across the table and patted Kyo's hand. "I know you've been agonizing over this, Kyo, and I'm sorry you've struggled so very hard. But I want you to understand, I do not, and will not, hold your feelings against you. You and Tohru have made a life for yourselves in Hibe, and the last thing I would ever want is for either of you to feel you have to sacrifice your lives and that happiness for me. I'm proud of what you've done, Kyo, and the life you've made. It's everything I ever hoped you'd have, one day," he said, his eyes filling with tears.
"Dad..."
Kyo rounded the table, sitting down beside Kazuma and hugging him close.
"I wish it was different, Dad, I honestly, really do. I wish I could still want it, the way I always did."
"It's alright, Kyo, truly. You've followed your own path, and you've...been happy."
Kyo managed a choked-up laugh at that. "Yeah, I've been happy, alright." So much happier than he'd ever imagined.
"And that, most of all, is all I've ever wanted."
For him to be happy, even if it meant following a different path.
'I'm sorry, Daddy...I really tried!'
'It's ok, Katsu, you did your best. It's ok; just cause I do something doesn't mean you gotta do it, too. We're different people, and that's ok.'
Being a parent...sometimes meant seeing your children go off in a different direction. And sometimes it stung...but that didn't mean it was wrong.
For a little while the two of them just sat there and hugged each other. Then finally, Kyo leaned back.
"I guess then we've gotta talk about...what happens now."
