Teaming up against Molly and tackling her in shifts works, and within a few days, Meg feels like she's got more of a handle on this whole motherhood thing. She and Adrian switch duties every time Molly needs someone to tend to her, leaving the other to either sleep, be with Billy, or, in Adrian's case, work.
It doesn't get any easier, but she's feeling less like she's fighting a losing battle at least.
Adrian's team narrows down the nanny search from fifty to twenty. Adrian then goes through those twenty and cuts it down to seven. They'll start interviews next week, flying all seven applicants in from cities around the world to meet with them. Meg still feels guilty about hiring a nanny to look after Molly, but she's not going to say anything. For one thing, she needs the help. She's still in pain from the pulmonary embolism and tires quickly.
But, beyond being in pain and tired, Meg just doesn't want much to do with Molly. She knows that makes her a terrible mother, and she would never tell anyone, but it's true. Maybe if Adrian hadn't found them, if Meg's body hadn't broken down at just the wrong moment, and she'd had Molly under different circumstances, Meg would feel differently. When she'd been on the run, she remembers loving the baby. Now, though, she feels…
Indifferent. Cold. Distant. She just doesn't care.
Oh, she can act. When it's her turn, Meg hugs and kisses the baby. She makes all the little cooing noises and caresses Molly's skin. Meg lavishes the baby with all the affection she's supposed to have. It's simply all fake.
"Mom?" Billy says one night as Meg is tucking him into bed.
Meg closes the book she's just finished reading to him and puts her arm around him. "What is it, Billy?" He'd had a therapy session that day with his new psychologist and had been quiet all afternoon. She hopes that maybe he'll open up and tell her what's on his mind.
He looks at her through his big brown eyes before lowering them to his teddy bear. "Can I have a baby?"
"A baby?" She combs her fingers through his hair. "Like Molly?"
"No. My own baby."
"Like a real baby?"
He sighs. "No. A baby for me."
"Do you mean a doll?"
Billy nods and looks up at her hopefully.
This is new. Billy's never been good with dolls. He'd had an army of stuffed animals back in New York before they'd run away. Meg had only allowed him to take the bear he'd won at the Fourth of July carnival with them, but now, Adrian has started bringing more stuffed animals home.
Dolls were different. Billy had a tendency to mutilate dolls. He'd tear off their heads and limbs. Attack their smoothed over genitals with sharp objects. Poke out or color their eyes.
"What do you want to do with it?" Meg asks.
Billy frowns. "Take care of it like you take care of Molly." He says it like it's obvious.
Meg smiles. "Just wondering. Of course you can have a doll." She kisses his forehead. "I don't know when we can go buy one, but I'll talk to Adrian."
"Thank you." He puts his arms around Meg and hugs her. "Mom? Is Adrian my dad?"
Meg sighs and gently untangles herself from Billy's embrace. "Yes," she says, gently pushing him down onto the pillow. "He is legally your father. He adopted you last October."
"Why did we leave him then?"
Tears sting her eyes, but she holds them back. "We didn't leave him. I had some people I needed to talk to, and he was really busy after that big explosion. Remember that?"
Billy nods.
"We decided that you should come with me. But then I got sick, so now we're all back together."
He puts his thumb in his mouth and chews on it. "And we're not going to leave him again?"
It takes her a moment before she can answer. "No, baby. We aren't." She tries to smile. It feels wobbly. "Okay. Time for lights out." Meg bends over and kisses Billy four times.
"Don't forget Rorschach." He holds up his bear.
"Of course not. Good-night, Rorschach." She kisses the bear and kisses Billy once more. Then, she turns on the nightlight, turns off the main light, and leaves the room.
Adrian is pacing by the windows, trying to get Molly to sleep. She's fussing against his shoulder, waving her arms in impotent anger as he rubs her back and makes soothing noises in her ear. When Meg walks into the main room, Adrian glances over and stops walking.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
She closes her eyes, annoyed, and wipes her hand across them. "Nothing. Billy." Meg goes to the couch and sits.
"Is he all right?" Adrian moves towards her.
"He's fine. Just asking about why we left and if you're his father. You know. Things I don't want to answer." She sighs. "He wants a doll."
Adrian grimaces. "What kind of doll?"
"A baby doll. Says he wants to take care of it."
"Ah." He sits next to her and puts Molly on his lap. "I suppose there's no harm in indulging him. Even if he ends up taking his anger out on it like he's done every other doll, at least it's a doll and not the baby."
"That's what I was thinking." Idly, she takes Molly's hand, allowing the tiny fingers to wrap around her index finger.
Molly stops fussing. She starts breathing heavily through her mouth, staring at Meg through wide, attentive eyes.
Meg's lips pull up into a half smile. "Anyway, I told him I'd ask you if we could go shopping for one."
"Of course. Actually, perhaps we can make a day of it. Not a full day for him, of course, but perhaps one for you."
"What do you mean?" She looks at him warily.
Adrian tugs a lock of her hair lightly. "You and Billy both could use haircuts, and your roots need to be touched up. There's a spa downtown. You could go for the afternoon, relax and be polished. Then we can have our Vanity Fair interview at the end of the week."
"A spa? I don't want a massage." She shudders at the idea of a stranger touching her.
"You don't have to get one. But hair and nails, maybe a facial." He puts his hand on her neck and gently squeezes. "You might enjoy it, Meg. Time to yourself, away from all of us, with nothing to do but relax."
She looks at him narrowly. "All by myself?"
He clears his throat. "My assistant, Julianne, is flying in tonight. She'll go with you."
"Right." Meg leans against the back of the couch and closes her eyes.
Molly starts crying.
"Now, that won't do," Adrian coos in a silly voice. Meg hears him moving next to her and then, quite suddenly, she's being moved as well.
Instead of protesting, she allows him to maneuver her so she's stretched along the couch, resting against his body. Without opening her eyes, she moves her legs and lifts her bottom, settling more comfortably against him and allowing him to put his legs on either side of her. A moment later, there's a weight on her stomach. Molly stops crying.
"I'm not going to say anything to anyone." Meg opens her eyes and looks at the baby, who is sitting on Meg's stomach, held by Adrian. One of Molly's feet is next to Meg's chin, and she takes it, running her thumb over the bottom and eliciting a gurgle from the baby.
"I know. But you wouldn't have the first idea what to do in a spa on your own. Julianne does. She'll help you navigate an unfamiliar world. That's it. She's not there to police you."
"No pictures."
He kisses the top of her head. "Not inside the spa, of course. Even I can't guarantee going in and out."
"What about Billy?"
"We'll get him his doll first. Then, I'll take the kids home while you get some free time."
Meg snorts and tickles her fingers up Molly's leg. "Making you look like the world's best father."
"Do you have any complaints?" He sounds genuinely curious.
"No." She tilts her head back so she can look at him. "No, you're a wonderful father. I couldn't do this alone."
Adrian's eyes soften, and he smiles. "Neither could I."
