part 1. handprints in concrete
Two weeks had passed before Rapunzel realized it. Didn't know how she had missed it; ever since she was twelve years old it arrived at precisely the same time every month. But somehow she had been so wrapped up in being a queen and a wife she hadn't noticed. But once she realized and counted it up, her heart had swelled with both worry and joy.
Her monthly pains were late.
She had not dared let herself hope too much that what she hoped was true was true. She knew how easy it was for a woman to loose a child and she did not want anyone else to know before she was sure. Her own mother had told her that after Rapunzel had been kidnapped, she herself was with child twice and then lost them before even the first month of the pregnancies were through. A small part of Rapunzel feared she would share that with her mother.
But a trip to the Royal Physician had confirmed it: she was pregnant. And then Rapunzel's heart had swollen so large she found it impossible to think about anything else: what would the baby look like? Would it have her eyes or Eugene? Or would it have of their parent's features? Arianna's nose? Edmund's eyebrows?
She still held the secret close to her heart for a few more weeks just to be sure. Rapunzel found it was a difficult secret to keep – Rapunzel was happy that this "morning sickness" she had heard some mothers were inflicted with had not been too terrible; mostly nausea and lack of hunger but never bad enough to make her turn her stomach too bad to make her sick. Eugene for his part never said anything about her refusal to eat so early in the morning, she supposed maybe he thought it was some kind of quirky phase she was going through.
Something about Eugene knowing so early almost made her sick enough to pull her over though. She didn't want to get his hopes either. Eugene had already been met with so much disappointment in his life, she didn't want to add this on top of everything. If she lost this child…would she loose Eugene too? She knew that wasn't a fair thought and the logical part of her knew that was a fair she shouldn't have, but the longer she kept the secret inside the stronger the fear grew.
But as the weeks piled on, the secret became harder and harder to keep, and she thought maybe it would be easier to keep if someone else could carry the load, cover for her. The first person she shared with was out of the question, Eugene was the main person she was hiding it from for now. She thought briefly of Cass, but quickly dismissed it; by time a letter reached her the secret would have been impossible to keep by the size of her stomach alone. Lance and the girls had loose lips, and as much as she loved Varian, he could never keep a secret from Eugene to save his life.
But their was one person she knew would keep the secret, and might give her some advice while she was at it.
"Thank you so much for inviting me to tea," Arianna said, swirling sugar around her drink. Rapunzel smiled and pretended to take a sip. Tea had a strange and unflattering smell that could made her feel especially nauseated, she had no interest in actually ingesting it.
The gazebo was empty except the two of them, only the sun and a few straggling birds making homes in the neighboring trees. The sun was just high enough to be above the gazebo's roof and out of their view, but not so high that it beat on them oppressively. Even two years after her blonde hair had been cut for good, she still couldn't believe the difference having such shorter hair would have on the heat. It was one reason she had decided to keep it so short.
"Of course," Rapunzel said. "I love spending time with you."
Arianna put her cup down on her saucer and looked at Rapunzel sternly.
"Alright, out with it," Arianna said matter-of-factly. Rapunzel blinked.
"What?" Arianna rolled her eyes.
"Rapunzel, love, did you really expect me not to notice something was wrong?" Arianna raised an eyebrow gently. "You've been picking at your favorite kind of scone – blueberry – even though I know it's your favorite. You've barely looked me in the eye and did you think only pretending to sip your tea would slip my gaze?"
Rapunzel looked down and sheepishly, conceding Arianna had somewhat of a point. Even though the scone was not affected by this sickness, the nerves twisting and turning in her stomach had made her unable to even to pretend to eat. Arianna chuckled softly and leaned forward.
"Now, are you going to tell me what it is?" Arianna said, green eyes gleaming mischievously. "Or am I going to have to guess?"
Rapunzel took a large breath, still not looking up. "I'm pregnant."
And just like that, the secret she had kept for weeks was out. The weight on her chest lifted just enough to make the secret bearable again, the idea of a child now shared between her and another person. Rapunzel looked up slowly, and found staring back at her Arianna with a dropped china and wide eyes.
"You're pregnant," Arianna said simply. Rapunzel nodded once and then Arianna jumped into action. She rushed across the gazebo into a flush and pulled Rapunzel into a bear hug that would rival Rapunzel's own.
"Oh Rapunzel!" Arianna said. She let her go and smiled from ear to ear, putting two hands firmly on her shoulders. "This is amazing! How far along are you? Has morning sickness passed? Who else knows? How did Eugene react? Is he just as excited?"
Rapunzel's heart dropped. Oh, yes, Eugene. She still had to tell Eugene.
Arianna failed to notice Rapunzel's small shift in emotion, as she just continued to smile to her, seemingly none the wiser to this other part of what Rapunzel had been hiding.
"Tell me everything," Arianna said. She pulled her chair closer to Rapunzel and retook her seat, leaning forward excitedly.
"Well, uh, I'm only two and a half months," Rapunzel said. "My sickness isn't really that bad. I've only had to take out my dress just a little, no one has noticed yet."
"Two and a half months?" Arianna asked. "How in earth did you manage to keep this from me for two and a half months?!"
Rapunzel shrugged. "I was kept secret for eighteen years. I know a thing or two about making sure things stay hidden."
Arianna rolled her eyes again and leaned back in her chair. "I suppose that is true."
A silent moment encompassed them as the unspoken of that eighteen years insisted upon itself. The eighteen years of secrets and the pageantry of a madwoman's vanity. The lives that had been given a pause because of other people's hurt and selfishness. The lost years of growth and love and warmth. Rapunzel wrapped her arm around her stomach, as if her arm could protect her unborn child from that kind of pain alone.
Rapunzel shook her head and smiled.
"I've been wanting to tell you for a while," Rapunzel said. "But I wanted to be sure that it was – that I didn't—"
Arianna placed a loving hand on her cheek and surveyed her gently. "I know. I understand."
Rapunzel smiled and placed a hand on top of Arianna's. "Thank you."
Another moment of quiet, this time much gentler, but it was broken by Arianna this time.
"I imagine Eugene is excited," Arianna said. "He's always been so warm and inviting around kids, I can only imagine how he'll be with his own."
Rapunzel bit her lip. It seemed Arianna's ability to read Rapunzel struck again, because Arianna sighed deeply.
"Eugene doesn't know, does he?" Arianna asked. Rapunzel shook her head, unable to meet Arianna's eyes. Guilt flared in her stomach, rearing it's ugly head.
"No, he doesn't," Rapunzel said lowly, barely above a whisper. Arianna hesitated for a moment and then placed a hand onto Rapunzel's on the table. Rapunzel held tight to this touch and wanting to crawl into it, as even this light touch made her feel even the smallest bit part about holding this secret in her.
"Why haven't you told him?" Arianna asked softly. Rapunzel pulled a strand of her hair behind her ear, still looking down at her skirt.
"I d-I don't want to disappointment him," Rapunzel said. "We've only been married for a year and a half – what, what if he's not ready for kids? Or if I loose the baby or if he's not ready for a baby? We're both so busy right now – I have so many princess duties and Eugene's in the middle of starting a huge undercover ring, and having a baby right now –"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Arianna interrupted. "Slow down, take a breath. Getting all worked up isn't going to do any good sweetie."
Rapunzel took a deep breath and finally looked up. Arianna was smiling again, but this time her grin was not excited, but gentle and concerned. And just like the touch of her hand, it made her feel almost like it would be okay.
"Rapunzel, everything you're feeling is okay. Your feelings are yours; you can't control them. Now let me ask you this. Do you want this baby?"
Rapunzel nodded. Never for a moment had she questioned if this baby inside her was something she wanted. From the moment the news had been confirmed to her, she had been beyond elated. She loved this child already, no matter what, and she couldn't wait to meet them. To watch them grow, to learn, to become who they were meant to be. She couldn't stand a moment more of waiting even though she had to. She couldn't wait to share adventures with them, to travel and show them all the wonders she had missed growing up.
Arianna grinned. "Then everything else will be okay. Eugene loves you, and he has supported you through everything. If you want this baby, he'll stand by you. And you've both talked about having kids before, right? And he said he wanted them?"
"Yeah, but it was always a 'what if'," Rapunzel said. "Something to happen in the future, never a now. Never something that was concrete. What if now that it's here – what if he isn't as excited or ready as before?"
"Rapunzel, you're going to go round and round with these questions and never find an answer," Arianna advised. "The best thing for you to do is to tell Eugene. I believe he'll support you and be excited no matter what, but you're never going to know until you tell him."
Rapunzel curled her arm around her stomach again. Rapunzel supposed Arianna had a point.
Arianna gave her one final critical look. "Just tell him."
Rapunzel let her conversation with Arianna stew for a week. For one week, she let the emotions circle in her brain over and over again. What if Eugene wasn't ready? What if Eugene didn't want the baby?
What if?
Every time she looked at her husband, she felt that guilt rise in her again. How could she keep this secret from him? How could she not let him know that she was child – their child? How could she so selfish to keep this to herself for so long? Every smile, every laugh, every twinkle in his eye just made her feel worse. Because here he was, happy and excited and full of laugh, unknowing of what the future of their lives was now.
A breaking point was bound to happen. And eventually, that breaking point came one night as they prepared to go to sleep.
Eugene was going on like everything was normal, doing his normal nightly skin routine. Rapunzel watched him almost helplessly, swimming, no, drowning in her guilt and worry.
"So then Max was totally not on the same page, so we separated to go down these two paths – I think he just wanted to go get some apples, their was a grove near by – and so I had to run, on foot, to get Dewayne –"
"I have to tell you something," Rapunzel blurted out. Eugene turned from their mirror, eyebrows raised, a mix between confusion and worry written on his expression. "I'm sorry for interrupting you, but I have to tell you now or I don't think I'll ever work up the nerve to tell you again and –"
"Whoa, sunshine," Eugene said, crossing over to the bed. He kneeled on the ground in front of her, taking her hands in his, eyes steady and concerned as brown met green. "It's okay. Whatever it is, you can tell me. I can see this is really tearing you up. Just tell me."
Rapunzel took a deep breath. It was okay. This was okay. Just tell him. Quickly, like ribbing off a nail –
"I'm pregnant."
Rapunzel, if asked, couldn't tell you all the emotions that passed through Eugene's face in the following moments. The ones she could name were shock, elation, excitement, confusion, and so many more that flashed so quickly Rapunzel couldn't label them before they were gone. And then before she knew it, she was wrapped in a hug and Eugene was talking into her shoulder. Despite herself, tears welled in her eyes, from sadness or joy she couldn't be sure. Maybe it was both.
"Sunshine that is amazing!" Eugene released her and held her at arm's length. "Was that too tight? Can you hug pregnant women tightly? I imagine you can hug them, but I've never had a pregnant wife before so I'm not sure."
Rapunzel laughed weakly. "Y-yes, you can hug me."
Eugene's brow furrowed. "Sweetheart, you're upset. Why are you upset?"
"Because I thought you were going to be upset," Rapunzel whispered. Eugene sputtered and shook his head.
"You thought I would be upset? Why?"
Rapunzel sighed. "We haven't been married that long; I thought maybe you would want more time as just the two of us. And we both have our careers. I just didn't know if-if you were ready."
"Oh, Rapunzel," Eugene said. He reached up and wiped the tear from her cheek. "I would never be upset with you over this. It takes two to have a baby, even if I was mad, it's not your fault." Eugene shook his head. "I would never be upset about us having a baby. Are-are you upset about it?"
Rapunzel snapped up. "No! No! I'm not upset. I'm-I'm excited."
"Then that's all that matters," Eugene said matter-of-factly. "This baby – our baby – is one I already love, and I've only known they've existed for a few moments. I love you. I would never be upset you for us starting a family."
Eugene reached up to kiss her on the forehead. "I love you Rapunzel."
Rapunzel smiled and caressed his cheek. "I love you too Eugene."
Eugene smiled and rolled his eyes. "Besides, how could I get mad? There is going to be a genetically perfect offspring of one Eugene Fitzherbert and Rapunzel Mond – what with my looks and your looks and brain, this child will be an impossible force to be reckoned with!"
