Not You Too
"Why do you even want him, Papa?" Yut-Lung asked with indignation. "He's a cheap knock-off. No class. I thought you liked nice things? He's far from a luxury good. I'm a luxury good."
"Quiet!" Dino hissed.
A rope burned against Eiji's wrists, yet his face remained stoic, almost predatory. Ash hadn't told him much, but he knew enough on his own to know that men like this got a sick satisfaction from inflicting pain, especially on the helpless. He wouldn't give him that satisfaction.
Yut-Lung snapped his mouth shut.
Dino tied a final binding knot, securing Eiji's hands to the headboard above his head, before turning to Yut-Lung. "You're not wrong." He stepped forward, setting a less than gentle hand on the boy's chin. "I do like nice things. I like the best of things. This Japanese brat isn't at all my usual style." He gestured toward Eiji. "And he's far from the god-like perfection I'm used to."
Dino extended a hand toward Yut-Lung. He tugged on the satin ribbon that secured his expensive dressing gown. It fell open, exposing his naked skin. Dino's hand slithered across his abdomen and down toward his hip. "You're a little closer, boy, but you're still no Ash."
He sneered, awaiting both of their reactions.
Yut-Lung looked certifiably offended, while Eiji's face turned feral. He tugged against his restraints, legs kicking against the bed. "How dare you!" Eiji shouted. "Ash does not exist for your pleasure!"
Dino's hand left Yut-Lung's skin. He turned to Eiji. "I found him, raised him. Educated him, honed his natural skills, trained him. I'm the reason Ash is the success he's grown to be. I created him." He grabbed Eiji's ankles, firmly holding them in place as Eiji tried to kick free. "So yes, actually, I do own him, and yes he does exist to serve me! Now behave yourself!" He pushed forcefully against Eiji's ankles, shoving them into the mattress, causing Eiji to yelp in pain. Old injuries be damned. "You're lucky Ash is so particularly fond of you. Otherwise, you'd have no part in this and there would be no reason for me to keep you alive.
"Yut-Lung is right. You're really not the quality I'm used to. In fact, I'd really rather not even look at you." Dino tugged a comforter over Eiji's lower half, covering his naked body. "But I'll have you nonetheless." He sneered, grabbing Eiji's chin, firm enough to bruise. "I'll suffer through it because I know what it will do to Ash to know what his precious boy endured."
Eiji scowled at him. He was tempted to begin his kicking again, out of sheer rage, but he restrained himself. The blanket was meant to offend him, but it was better to have it there than not. "Fuck you!" He spat instead.
Rage flooded Dino's eyes. He rushed forward, hand digging into Eiji's throat. "I have zero tolerance for such vulgar language," he spat. "Not even Ash can get away with it. Cursing is for common folk and low-life, not the pedigree."
Eiji gasped for air as Dino withdrew his hand.
"You could at least pretend you're fit for my standards."
"He's a mutt, Papa," Yut-Lung began in a sweet tongue, "He doesn't even know what pretending to be one of us would look like." Yut-Lung slipped a hand over Dino's shoulder, encouraging him to step back from Eiji. "But we can show him."
"Then watch, boy. Pay attention. Take notes." He untied his own satin robe, shrugging it off his shoulders. "Because you're next, and I will be very unhappy if you do not at least try. And trust me, you will deeply regret making me more unhappy than I already am."
Eiji bolted upright in bed, hands at his throat, gasping for air. It was the same memory-fueled nightmare Eiji had been having since Ash rescued him from Golzine's. He had been lucky in many ways that night, and the luck kept going once he was safe. For he'd had variations of this same dream three times before, and each time, Ash was away, and therefore did not see Eiji awake in cold sweats. It was the only instance when Eiji was happy Ash stayed out so late.
Three times before Eiji woke in varying degrees of panic. The first time, the dream had been so intense he awoke screaming, chest burning, and covered in a cold sweat. He forced himself to breathe deeply, to remind himself that his worst nightmares were Ash's actual past.
The second time, Eiji woke in tears. Tears so intense they caused his throat to burn and eyes to swell. The next day Ash asked if he was allergic to something in the New York air. Eiji pretended to sneeze all day.
And the third dream continued past reality…to what could have happened if worse came to worst. That time, he awoke nauseous and shaking. It took over an hour for him to calm down. He never did fall back to sleep, but he did pretend to be sleeping when Ash came home. In the morning, Ash joked about Eiji 'waking up on the wrong side of the bed,' about being a 'grumpy old man who didn't get enough sleep.' If he had only known.
This time was somewhere between the first and third time. Only, this time was different. Because this time, Eiji wasn't alone.
Something hard clattered to the ground, shattering on impact.
Panic-ridden, Eiji's head swiveled toward the doorway.
There, Ash stood, white as a ghost. Water and shattered glass lay at his feet.
He started at Eiji, covered in a sheen of sweat, hair plastered to his skin around the edges of his hairline. His pajamas were wrinkled, blankets in tangles. And his chest was heaving in labored breaths. Ash had seen the look many times on himself. He knew exactly what it meant.
"Not you too," he whispered.
"Ash? What? N-no… no, I'm fine," Eiji managed breathlessly.
"If not you too then how'd you even know that's what I'm asking?" He stepped carefully over the broken glass and into the room. "Fuck, Eiji, what were you—" Ash paused because Eiji flinched at the word 'fuck.' Memories of Dino's rage flooded Ash's system.
"Oh my God, what did he do to you?"
"Wh-what? Who? What ar-are you talking about?"
"Dino. You were dreaming about him. Eiji, what did he do to you?"
"D-Dino? No, I wasn't dreaming about— I was— it was just a nightmare. M-my sister— she'd fallen— on the subway tracks— and there was a train—"
"Eiji."
Eiji paused his blubbering.
"You don't have to lie to me," Ash said softly. He slowly stepped forward until he stood at the foot of Eiji's bed. He sat carefully beside Eiji, a hand reaching for his shoulder to comfort Eiji as he'd comforted Ash many times before.
Instinctively, Eiji flinched away. Faster than light, Ash stood, stumbling back several steps, his back clattering against the wall.
"What did he do to you, Eiji!?"
"N-nothing, Ash, nothing. It was nothing." His arms curled around his waist in an effort to hide his shaking.
"It obviously wasn't nothing." He stepped forward cautiously, sitting on his own bed instead, opposite Eiji. Ash forced gentility into his voice even though all he wanted to do was scream. Not scream at Eiji, but because of the situation. "It's okay, Eiji. Well— fuck— it's not okay, but it's not your fault. I know how you feel— filthy and defiled like you'll never be clean again. But that's not true. You're the one who taught me that."
Eiji's eyes focused on the floor, unable to even look at Ash. "...he didn't… rape me… Ash…"
Ash held his breath. "But it's not your fault if he did. Oh, Eiji, please believe me. I know how he is, it's not your fault."
Eiji shook his head, tears escaped his eyes. "He didn't, Ash."
"You can tell me the truth."
Eiji's head snapped up almost violently. "He didn't fucking rape me, Ash!"
Ash sat speechless, staring at him with an open mouth. "O-okay, I'm sorry, Eiji, I believe you."
Eiji stood, still visibly shaking with panic and, now, adrenaline. "He would have! Almost did! But he didn't…and still, I've never been so scared in all my life!"
"What did he do to you?" Ash whispered.
Eiji shook his head, "Nothing like he ever did to you."
"No, Eiji, please, don't compare it to me. That's not fair to you. If whatever happened to you happened to a kid, you wouldn't tell them not to cry just because other kids have been raped. Whatever you went through was traumatizing in its own way. Now, you don't have to tell me, but it might help me help you."
Eiji's chest was heaving with erratic breaths as he worked up the courage to speak. "H-he— he took my c-clothes," he choked out. "T-touched me— just a bit— as he did… And he…" Eiji began to shiver uncontrollably when he saw the way that Ash's eyes clouded with tears and pain. "T-t-t-tied m-m-me to the— to— t-the b—ed."
A tear spilled down Ash's face. His tongue clicked against the roof of his mouth. "Oh, Eiji…"
Eiji inhaled deeply. "And then he t-told me horrible things and… h-h-hurt me when I tried to— when I tried— to— when I—"
"Fight back," Ash supplied.
Eiji nodded, "Mmm. When I tried to fight back." He inhaled shakily and sunk to the ground, legs tired from shaking. "And then that Chinese boy— Yut- Lung— had sex with him on the same bed— or maybe he was raped— I couldn't— he seemed to enjoy— but I think it was an act. I— I really don't know."
Ash knew it was almost certainly, without a doubt, an act. He didn't say that, though. Eiji didn't need to know that. It would only traumatize him further to know he witnessed a rape.
"W-w-when I tr-tried to close my eyes he yelled at me. M-m-m-made me l-look. Because I was next," Eiji inhaled sharply like he couldn't quite catch his breath. "He told me so. He and Yut-Lung were both going to—" he gasped fro breath again. "But then you showed up and he went down to dinner and— just left me there! Yut-Lung was the one who finally untied me and—" he ran wild, shaking hands through his hair. "God, I know it's nothing, but I was terrified!"
Ash knew Eiji needed space, but he couldn't seem to stop his legs from rising from the bed and joining Eiji on the floor. "Shhh, it's not nothing. It's abso-fucking-lutely not nothing. He did exactly what he intended to; he hurt you badly and therefore he hurt me too. He's sick and perverted and fucking evil. And one of these days I'll finally end him. I finally make sure he never touches you or me or anyone else ever again. I'll end him, Eiji, I promise."
"No, Ash, no more fighting," Eiji choked out between sobs.
"He's the devil, Eiji, he needs to die."
"Ash, please, no. Let's just get out of here while we still can. Let's run away."
"Where would we even go?"
"Japan," Eiji said tearily, "My family would love you."
"Oh sure, they'd love to have a murderer and a whore under their roof, huh?"
"Nooo," Eiji nearly wailed. "If it's not my fault then it can't be yours either." Eiji's head fell to Ash's shoulder. Ash's hands lay stiff and awkward at his own side. "He has hurt you more than anyone can understand. On your own you are gentle and kind and loyal and protective and—please let's just leave while we can."
"He has to be stopped, Eiji. Even if we left, we wouldn't be safe with him still in this world. Please, try to understand."
Eiji wrapped an arm around Ash's waist. "Oh, please just hold me."
Ash cradled him against his chest with strong arms. "Okay…okay," he whispered. "I'm so sorry I didn't save you faster. I'm so sorry any of that ever happened to you. And…And Shorter. God, I'm sorry you had to see that— feel that."
Eiji shuddered at the memory of Shorter's literal dead weight upon his chest. "Stop, Ash," he sobbed, "Just hold me."
"Sorry, I guess I'm pretty shit at comforting people."
"No, no you're not," Eiji pressed himself tighter to Ash's chest, eyes soaking his button-down with tears. "You're lovely and so so good…and I'd be so lost without you right now."
Ash rubbed circles into his back. He couldn't help but think that Eiji would never be in this mess if it weren't for him. But he kept that thought to himself. And even if it was selfish, he was so glad to know Eiji. "I'll never let anyone hurt you ever again, sweet Eiji."
Despite his tears, Eiji smiled against Ash's shirt. "You think I'm sweet?"
Ash kissed the top of his head, "I know it."
Eiji exhaled a teary laugh. "I think I'm in love with you, Ash."
Ash shifted Eiji in his arms to see his face. "I think I'm in love with you too…"
He looked up at Ash eagerly. "Then promise to leave with me? When all this is over, come to Japan with me?"
"I will, Eiji."
"Promise?"
Ash smiled sadly, "I promise."
Eiji relaxed back into Ash's chest. "Good. Mom will love you. She'll love you so much." Eiji closed his eyes and inhaled Ash's scent. He smelled of gunpowder and perspiration. "You smell like fighting," he told him. "You need to be more careful, I can't lose you."
Ash ran a gentle hand through Eiji's dark hair. "You won't."
Without moving, Eiji kissed one of the buttons on Ash's shirt. More tears leaked from his eyes. "Say you promise."
"I don't know if that's something I can promise."
"Please, please say it anyway. Please."
"I promise, Eiji." He stroked his hair again. "I'll do everything in my power to protect you… and myself. We'll beat the odds… we'll both make it out alive."
Eiji placed another kiss on his shirt. "That's the best thing you've ever said."
Ash hoped it was true. Eiji refused to believe otherwise.
They sat like that for a long time, Ash against the wall with Eiji securely in his arms. He watched Eiji drift to sleep as his tears dried on his skin. His butt slowly turned numb where it pressed into the hard floor, but he hardly noticed. He was too busy studying Eiji's features and marveling in the way he breathed.
He thought about what life in Japan might be like. He wondered what Eiji's family would be like. He wondered if they could understand English. He decided he'd better start learning Japanese. Because he meant what he said. He would try. He would try his damndest to survive, to escape New York, to start a new life with Eiji.
"I love you," he whispered again for good measure, even though Eiji was fast asleep. "And God I hope to spend the rest of my fuckin' life with you my dear, sweet Eiji."
