She had never felt so free, so sure. From this great height, everything was so clear. All she had to do was let go. The cold metal of the railing bit into her palms, almost teasing her to let go and free fall. The wind whipped across her face twisting her hair into angry knots she would have to detangle later. Pidge took a deep breath, closing her eyes she leaned out as far as she could with her arms twisted behind her.
It was an odd thing seeing the city below her. The people below continued about their day unaware of the teenage girl above them balancing precariously on the edge of one of the many buildings littering the square.
She gulped down a breath of air. Her team, the other paladins, were just like the people below. Continuing about their day without noticing their teammate who was beyond broken on the inside. Each night was a fight to get to sleep. The nightmares became more real, the scars that had healed months ago looking fresh each morning, and the blood staining her hands…nothing could get it off. She had scrubbed until her hands were raw, nothing helped.
The worst of it was the screams. Night and day, whomever she was with and wherever she was they never ceased. A constant reminder of the choices they made for the greater good of the war.
But now, as she stood here balanced on the edge, centimeters from falling to her death, it was quiet. She wanted to drop to her knees in relief but the surreal feeling of being on the edge gave her legs the strength to stand.
Let go.
Close your eyes and just relax, it'll be quick.
There'll be no more screams.
Just sweet sweet silence.
She almost let go. Her hand slipped and she jerked forward, stopping when her other hand caught all of her weight.
She paused looking down at the street below, her mind nothing but a fog.
Pidge had tried pills once. One night the screams had gotten so bad she couldn't even hear her own breathing. She had trudged her way to the infirmary, looking for something to knock herself out. But what she found instead was the pills. She had taken one and then another until before she knew it half the bottle was gone. She had been so dazed she fell asleep right there on the floor of the infirmary. When she awoke, she was in a bed surrounded by her teammates. They didn't let her out of their sight for a while after that.
Let go.
The whisper came again a soothing song to the torment within. She screamed, and screamed, and screamed until her voice was hoarse. She screamed until tears were streaming down her face and blurring her vision.
Nothing made sense anymore. She was just a teenage girl. She should be on earth, not lightyears away from her home planet fighting in a war that had been going on long before she was involved.
A door opened behind her, and several footsteps could be heard stepping onto the roof.
I should let go.
"Pidge!" Shiro called from behind her.
She didn't move. Her eyes were locked on the horizon. The sky was so pretty tonight. So many stars…
"Pidge, please look at us." Allura said, her voice on the verge of shaking.
"I wonder if mom is seeing the same stars as I am." Pidge whispered.
She heard someone take a step forward and then Lance spoke, "I'm sure she is."
Let go.
"You really think so?" Pidge asked, tears springing to her eyes.
"I do." Lance replied. His voice sounded closer, but she didn't care enough to check.
"I'm really going to miss her."
"Pidge, you're going to see her again." It was Hunk this time. She was almost tempted to turn around and look at all her friends before she let go, but she was frozen.
Nothing. She felt nothing. Even the cold metal that had been biting into her skin earlier she no longer felt.
Let go.
"I'm going to miss you guys too."
'Pidge, quit talking like that. We can figure this out." Keith said. She was surprised to hear pain in his tone.
Let go.
"I love you guys." She dipped her head, tucking her chin into her chest shuddering with silent cries.
LET GO.
She let go.
Screams of protest reached her ears seconds before she felt arms slip around her waist and pulled her back over the railing. She curled into the chest of her rescuer, the scent of the ocean calming her spinning head.
Then the arms tightened around her followed by five more pairs of arms. She collapsed into them shaking and sobbing with every breath.
"I-I can't. I-I need t-them to stop." Pidge gasped. She wasn't getting enough air.
"Pidge breath." Allura said. "In One, two, Three; Out One, Two, Three.
After a moment she calmed herself. Although she was still sniffling and tears were streaming down her face, she was able to answer her friend's questions.
Her mind was still reeling from the fact that she was caught mere seconds from free falling to her death, but she was alive and in the comforting presence of her friends, something she hadn't realized she was missing until now.
