CHAPTER NINE

The next day was hard for Mike, like all the days Ginny had off and he didn't get the boys in the morning. Flashes of his dream from the night before were pounding around in his skull, his heart was aching, and he was missing his kids terribly that morning. He tried to take his mind off it but there wasn't much working at that point.

He knew he didn't have kid duty today and he got down the bottle of whiskey he had bought when he first moved in. He poured himself a drink and downed it quickly, hiding in the burn, trying to will it to mush his emotions. It did little and he was still thinking about everyone he had lost since the Arctic. There were a lot of faces, but his kids and Christine continued to pop up sporadically as the rest of them cycled.

Some caused a lot more grief than others. They all caused some type of pain. He drank some more whiskey. The images were dulling as he was on his fourth or fifth drink. He flipped aimlessly through the television station looking for anything to catch his attention. He found himself watching the cartoons that would be on if Wyatt was here. He frowned. Thoughts of when his own children were small assaulted him. He felt the first of the tears slip down his face. He let himself cry, submerging himself in that sorrow letting it envelop him. He hadn't done that, even after all these years, he hadn't let himself wallow in the grief. It was time.

He let the emotions crash through him as he sobbed for his losses. Grieving for his lost family, not only his wife and children, but those in the Navy, because yes, they were his family too. Names, faces, feelings, flashing over his mind. When it slowed and the tears stopped, he took another drink. He got up and went to the kitchen sink, washing his face, trying to clear it all away. It had been a long time since he had allowed that much out. He felt a little better. He was slightly startled when he heard a knock on the door. He turned and went to it, pulling it open he found Ginny and Wyatt standing there.

As soon as the door was open, Wyatt plowed into Mike's legs, leaning his forehead against his body. Mike dropped his hand down and ruffled Wyatt's hair. He looked up at Ginny.

"He kept saying your name and pointing at the door," Ginny said with a shrug. "So, we decided to visit." She seemed to be taking in his appearance. Her face clouding with concern. "I hope that was okay."

Mike pulled himself together, and scooped Wyatt up onto his hip. "Of course, yeah, come on in," Mike said with a small smile. He turned and walked towards his couch, as Ginny closed and locked his door. He sat down with Wyatt who immediately wove his fingers in Mike's shirt. Ginny sat down on the other end of the couch. Mike felt a little self-conscious as she was studying him. She noticed the whiskey bottle on the table and his glass sitting next to it. There was a long pause and Mike felt a little guilty.

"Rough morning?" she asked quietly.

Mike stared at the television as Wyatt maneuvered off his lap to sit upside down on the couch between them. Finally, he looked over at Ginny. He was expecting to see disappointment, but he saw concern instead. He looked down and nodded slowly before looking at the television again.

He wasn't sure he was ready to talk about the things he had been dealing with this morning, or his dreams for that matter. He wasn't sure he wanted to jump into the grief and guilt he was feeling, he wasn't sure if he could. Ginny seemed to understand his mood and left it alone for the time being, but he noticed she was still glancing at him, worried.

The three of them watched an episode of a cartoon, and when it ended Wyatt jumped from the couch and did his running skipping routine while humming. After a while of that he dropped to the floor and started sorting his wooden blocks. Mike watched him over the back of the couch, his arm stretched down to top. He looked over when he felt Ginny's hand gently cover his.

"Are you, okay?" she asked, her eyes going to the liquor bottle on the table. Mike let his eyes follow then looked back at her.

"I'm dealing with stuff," Mike said nonchalantly. He was working hard to contain his emotion.

"I can't imagine what you go through. Have you ever talked to someone about everything?"

"What? Like therapy?"

"Or even with a friend. Someone else who went through it with you?"

"Yes. I talked to a friend while still in the Navy. He was stationed with us on the Nathan James."

"Did it help then?"

"Maybe, I don't know," Mike said. "I mean I still get the nightmares, and I still have the feelings."

"The feelings will always be there, I think. Loss is like that. We learn to put one foot in front of the other and keep going forward, but that hole is still there. We just step around it, but sometimes we forget to do that and fall in it."

"I never thought of it like that before," Mike sighed. Ginny's hand was still over his. "Finding out over the phone that my son had died, being lied to by our superiors, the government, even the two doctors that were on our ship, the missions that followed. It was all very hard. But not being there for my boy, not knowing what my kids went through, that's what causes the most guilt. Plus, I have to live with the fact that decisions I made, commands I issued, caused men and women to die. I watched very close friends get gunned down on the deck of the ship," Mike found himself rambling, but it felt good to let this stuff out.

"I know some of the history of your ship, from what we were told back home. I remember the shock of Fleet Week, and all those people killed, ships sunk in the harbor like that."

"I held my friend while she died and watched another friend die trying to save her. I watched so many sailors not question our command decisions and just follow bravely into the danger. I never imagined the survivor's guilt that would come from everything."

"It's okay to feel that way," Ginny said as she squeezed his hand. Mike nodded slowly.

"I came here to be anonymous. I came here to get away from everything."

"I don't know that you can ever achieve that, being who you are."

"I know."

"I want to thank you for not only watching the boys but being there for them too. I've noticed some changes in Ty, and they are definitely for the better," she said with a smile. Mike looked at her and she gave him a smile. He nodded.

They sat like that, her hand still on his for a long moment as they watched television. After a while Wyatt climbed up on the couch and settled between them, stretching so his head was touching Mike, his hand wrapped in his shirt, and Wyatt's feet were touching Ginny. Mike pulled his hand from under Ginny's and dropped it gently on Wyatt's shoulder. They spent the next few hours like that, and Mike lost his urge to drink. His demons quieted and for a moment, the ghosts left him alone. From time to time, he could feel Ginny looking at him, but he kept his attention on the television or Wyatt.

Wyatt had eventually crawled into Mike's lap and fell asleep. Ginny got up around lunchtime and made them a light lunch of sandwiches, and when Wyatt woke up, he was cranky and hungry. Mike got the fruit out and found a couple slices of left-over pizza for him. It was time for Ty to get home and Ginny tried to get Wyatt ready to go causing a meltdown for the little boy. He threw himself on the floor and screamed, kicking his feet out. He banged his head against the floor and Mike rushed over and kneeled down next to him.

"It's okay, Buddy," he said softly. He looked up at Ginny who had tears in her eyes. "You can leave him for now. Go get Ty, I'll watch him and get him calmed down."

"Okay," she said softly and then left. Mike worked to calm Wyatt and let him know he could stay for now. Wyatt stopped screaming and kicking, but he continued to lay on the floor. Mike brought him a couple cars, and set them down next to the boy, then went into the living room and grabbed the whiskey bottle. He looked at it and sighed, before putting it back into the cupboard. It wasn't long before Ty banged into Mike's apartment, and he looked angry. Ginny came behind him looking worried.

"Hey," Mike said gently as Ty slammed his body into a kitchen chair. The boy looked close to tears. "Something happen at school?" Mike asked, as he slowly sat down in the chair next to him. Ty shrugged his shoulders and picked at his jeans.

"Just some kids at school," Ty mumbled. He looked at his mom, then at Mike, but didn't say anything more.

"Want to talk about it?" Ginny asked, as she sat down in the chair by Mike. Ty looked at her and pursed his lips. He shrugged again and picked at his jeans.

"Not now," he mumbled. Ty looked at Mike and he could see there was definitely something on the boy's mind, but he wasn't quite ready to ask Mike. Mike let it go, for now.

"Okay. But when you're ready, you can come to me anytime," Mike said as he dropped his hand on Ty's shoulder and squeezed. Ty looked at him and took a deep breath then nodded.

"Okay," Ty mumbled. Ginny looked at Mike and he shrugged. She nodded and got up.

"You guys ready to go home then?" Ginny asked. Wyatt threw himself down on the floor again and Ty moaned. Ginny worked hard to hide the smile on her face. "Really you two?"

Mike smiled, reached down, and patted Wyatt on the chest. The boy smiled up at Mike and wiggled around. Mike gripped the front of his shirt and lifted the boy up into his lap. Wyatt wrapped himself around Mike and smiled.

"Can't we stay down here for a bit?" Ty asked. Ginny looked at Mike. Mike smiled and stood up, shifting Wyatt to his hip and walked over to the couch.

"You're always welcome here," Mike said as he sat down with Wyatt. Wyatt hummed and bounced on Mike's lap before settling against his side. His hand weaving its way into the hem of Mike's shirt. Ty came over and slumped on the other end of the couch, leaving the middle for Ginny. She sat down and Wyatt reached a foot out, setting it in her lap.

They settled in and agreed on a movie that was on. When the movie was almost over, Ginny got up and went into Mike's kitchen and started to make them dinner. Wyatt jumped up suddenly and went into his running skipping routine. Mike looked over at Ty.

"You have homework?" Mike asked. Ty gave him a sheepish grin and shrugged his shoulders. Mike gave him a pointed look and Ty sighed.

"A little. I have a couple math problems to finish and an English worksheet."

"Get on it then," Mike replied pointing towards his table. Ty groaned then got up and grabbed his backpack. He settled in at the table and worked on his homework until Ginny put supper on the table. Conversation was light around the table during dinner then Mike cleaned up the dishes and Ginny helped Ty finish his homework.

"Okay, you two time to head home. Bedtime," Wyatt started to protest, and Mike scooped him up and hugged him tight.

"It's okay, Wy, you can come back tomorrow," Mike whispered to him. Wyatt gripped him tight and wouldn't let Mike go. Ty gathered his school stuff and slipped his backpack on his shoulder. Ginny looked at Mike, obviously worried about getting Wyatt out of there. "Alright, let's get you in the tub, Wyatt."

Ginny gave him a curious look and Mike nodded towards the door. Ty took off and headed down the hall, followed by Ginny. Mike walked out with them, with Wyatt still on his hip. They made their way down to 215 and Mike headed straight for the bathroom with Wyatt. He put Wyatt down and started the water in the tub. Making sure the temperature was right.

Ginny came in and helped Wyatt take his clothes off and Wyatt pointed at the bucket of toys in the corner and grunted jumping up and down. Mike scooped Wyatt up and placed him in the water then turned and grabbed the toys dumping them out. Wyatt squealed in delight and sat down in the water and started to bang two ducks together. Mike turned and saw Ginny looking at him.

"Thanks for helping with this," she said softly. Mike nodded.

"Anytime. He just gets his mind set sometimes and change is hard."

"You're really good with him. I'm glad he has you," she said with a smile. Mike nodded.

"He's a great kid, just a little tied up inside. Ty's a great kid too. You're doing an awesome job with them," Mike replied. Ginny blushed a little and nodded.

"Thanks, that means a lot," Ginny said. Mike nodded and reached over and shut the bathtub off.

Wyatt splashed happily in the bathtub. They watched him for a while before he abruptly wanted out of the water. Mike grabbed a towel and wrapped him up in it then took him into his bedroom and got him in his pajamas. Mike came out and Wyatt followed him. Mike found Ginny sitting on the couch and Ty making a face as she squeezed him.

"Time for bed," Ginny said with a smile. Ty groaned but then approached Mike. He wrapped his arms around Mike's middle and squeezed. Mike hugged him back.

"Night, Kiddo," Mike said then Ty scampered off to his room. Mike caught Wyatt as he bounced by and squeezed him tight. Wyatt babbled then dipped his forehead against Mike's chest. "Good night, Wyatt," Mike whispered then put the boy down. Ginny took Wyatt's hand and led him off towards his bedroom. She paused and looked back at Mike.

"I work late tomorrow. I'll put Ty on the bus then bring Wyatt down around 9. I won't get off until eleven.

"Okay," Mike said. Ginny nodded then continued on towards Wyatt's bedroom.

"Good night, Mike," Ginny said over her shoulder and Mike smiled.

"Night," Mike replied as he watched them disappear into Wyatt's room. Mike went back to his apartment and settled into his bed with a book.

To Be Continued…