CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Mike woke when Ginny kissed his jaw. He opened his eyes and found Wyatt still tucked into his chest, his arms wrapped around the boy. Ginny was up and dressed sitting on the bed leaning over them. Mike blinked the sleep away then looked up at her with a smile.

"Good morning," he said. She smiled at him and leaned down, kissing him quickly.

"Morning. I have to get going, but I'll be back around one today. I have the evening off. I don't have to go in until after lunch tomorrow." Mike remembered what Ty had said to him while they were at the mini golfing place. Ginny seemed to sense he was thinking about something. "What?"

"Just, Ty said something yesterday about a thing at school," Mike said.

"Damn it, I told him not to say anything," she breathed out. "Sorry, he shouldn't have asked you to do that."

"No," Mike said quickly. "It's okay. He didn't want to tell me but I kind of pushed him to reveal why he was arguing with you."

"You don't have to do this, it's not…"

"Stop," Mike said reaching up and touching her lips with his fingers. He dropped his hand and sighed. "It's okay and I understand both sides of this. Ty is aching for a father figure. He's also itching to tell his friends he knows the great Mike Slattery, and then, Tom Chandler showed up. He's practically pissing his pants with excitement there."

"Mike, it's not your responsibility," Ginny began. He sighed and sat up, releasing Wyatt from his embrace. He kissed her to stop her from talking.

"No, it's not and I completely understand why you were telling him not to ask me. I get it. But ultimately shouldn't this be my choice?"

"I don't want you to feel like you have to do something just because…"

"If I don't want to do something…I won't do it," Mike said with a smile. "But if you truly don't want me to do this for whatever reason, I won't. And I'll tell Ty no."

"It's not that. I just don't want you to feel like you have to when you don't really want to."

"Again, shouldn't it be my decision?" Mike said gently, wrapping his hand around hers. "Besides if we are serious about this, like I hope, then doing dad things is my job now."

"Dad things," she whispered. Mike smiled and tugged her hand to his mouth, kissing her knuckles.

"Dad things," Mike said, and he liked the sound of that. He missed doing the dad things with his kids. "So, you won't be mad if I say yes to Ty?" Ginny stared at him thinking things over. Mike let her as he settled back against the pillow. Wyatt rolled into his side, his little hand tangling with Mike's shirt.

"Why does my kid want you more than me?" Ginny asked suddenly, her hand rubbing Wyatt's back. Mike didn't know what to say to that. He froze up and tensed. He looked at Ginny's face but couldn't read her expression. "It's okay, Mike, I know it's not something you're doing on purpose. I just...no one has ever connected with him like you have."

Mike looked at the boy asleep against his chest. He thought about his relationship with Wyatt and how much Wyatt clung to him. He tried to formulate a response to her.

"I don't know how to explain it," Mike said. "We just…click. I always thought it would be Ty that saved me, but I think it's really this guy right here. He gives me something to focus on. He picked me to be his…person. He keeps leading me to the light, away from the darkness. I can't explain the bond we have, it's just there."

"I think it's sweet and I'm glad Wyatt finally has someone that he is that comfortable with. He's got real good taste too," she said as she leaned down and kissed him. She glanced at the clock. "Shit."

"What," Mike said against her lips.

"I'm going to be so late," she groaned and kissed him again before pushing away from him and walking out of the bedroom. Mike laid there for a few moments, watching Wyatt sleep. He got up from the bed and headed for the living room. He caught Ginny as she was about to leave, wrapping his arms around her from behind.

"Have a good day," Mike whispered in her ear. She leaned back against him, then sighed.

"See you later," Ginny said, turning and kissing him gently before she pushed away from him. "I seriously have to go," she groaned.

Mike checked on both boys, finding them both still sleeping. He grabbed his phone and sent a text to Tom telling him he was already down in Ginny's apartment with the boys. Tom texted right back, and Mike cringed. He wondered how long Tom had been awake. Mike texted him he could stay down there or join Mike in Ginny's place. Tom just texted back okay. Mike sat on the couch and ran his night through his head.

Things had changed. He thought about the boys. He thought about Ginny. He thought about what life could be like. He was excited about a future, he was scared about a future, and he was nervous he was going to do something stupid to screw it all up. He heard a soft knock at the door and got up to open it. He found Tom standing there on the other side, looking haunted and like he hadn't slept last night. Mike stepped aside and let Tom into Ginny's apartment, before closing the door. Mike slumped heavily onto the couch, and Mike stared at him as he eased himself down on the other end.

"You look like shit," Mike said bluntly. Tom glanced at him and barked a short laugh.

"Thanks, Captain Obvious," Tom sighed out.

"Admiral Obvious," Mike threw back at him. Tom smirked and shook his head. "Seriously. Did you sleep at all?"

"I should ask you the same thing. Someone didn't come home last night," Tom said in a teasing voice. Mike smirked and shook his head.

"I fell asleep here, no biggie," Mike said with a shrug. Tom studied him before he smiled broadly.

"You're such a liar," he said with a laugh. "So, what happened?"

"Nothing," Mike deadpanned, and Tom laughed again.

"Come on," Tom whined. "I told you there was something there." Mike couldn't hold the line anymore and he smiled, looking down at his hands. He glanced at Tom and smirked.

"Okay, something happened, but it wasn't hot and heavy."

"Way to go, Mike," Tom said with a smirk and a wink. Mike shook his head.

"It's early, so don't jinx me," Mike laughed out. "But yes, last night…was nice."

"So, you made your move?" Tom asked.

"Uh, no, not exactly. She made her move."

"Bold woman, your type," Tom chuckled. Mike nodded a little.

"Now tell me about your night, obviously you didn't sleep."

"That bad?" Tom groaned.

"Tom, you look like death…not even warmed over."

"Ouch," Tom said gruffly. Mike smiled at him and shrugged his shoulders.

"Couldn't sleep?"

"The demons come in the darkness," Tom mumbled. He then rubbed his face with his hand. Mike looked down at his lap, unsure of how to help his friend. His head on blunt approach yesterday just sent Tom into a defensive tirade. Sasha was too hurt to even talk to Mike. Mike needed to come up with a different angle to get Tom to open up.

"We all have demons, Tom," Mike said with a sigh. Tom looked at him, and Mike could see the haunted torment waging inside his friend. "It's how we deal with them that defines us."

"Well then I'm a failure," Tom mumbled, his voice cracking from stress. Mike looked over and saw the tears in his friend's eyes.

"We can still fix it," Mike said gently. Tom shook his head.

"I've burned the bridges, Mike, I didn't mean to, but I just can't…"

"Can't what?" Mike asked. He paused a moment. "Bridges can be rebuilt."

"Not if the person on the other side doesn't want to. I told you she was done with me."

"She cared enough to make sure you were okay," Mike replied.

"Maybe."

"Tom, she sounded like she thought you were suicidal," Mike said softly. Tom looked at him and Mike was a little shocked at the despair he saw in his friend's eyes. "Tom?"

"No, I don't think…I'm not that desperate. I just needed to get away from everything."

"What about teaching at the Naval Academy?"

"Um, well, I took a leave of absence from that," Tom sighed out. He looked very close to losing his battle with his tears. "My kids pretty much cut ties with me. Sam doesn't even want to use his last name. He wants to be anonymous. Ashley says its not easy being a Chandler. They should try to be me some time," he rambled. Mike let him talk. "Sasha…she just…every time we talk it becomes a shouting match. She says I'm emotional unavailable, whatever that means."

"Tom," Mike sighed. "I had no idea it was this bad."

"My life's in the shitter," Tom said as the first of the tears slipped. He brushed hurried at his face, then looked away from Mike. "I'm fucking jealous right now," he breathed out quietly. Mike didn't know what to say to that. They were both quiet for a long moment, then Tom continued. "A student once asked me if I missed war. He said we were warriors and what were we supposed to do when there was no more war."

"We balance," Mike replied. Tom looked at him, tears still falling, then looked away.

"I can't for some reason. I can't…I don't know who I am when I'm not on that ship, commanding, making the hard decisions. Handling adversity. I'm not mentally built for dry land anymore."

"You have to let it all go," Mike said. "We did our part, Tom, we saved the world. We made so many sacrifices. We faced a lot of evil and adversity. We came out the other side different people, but we came out."

"That's that problem. I lost myself along the way."

"So, how do we find you?" Mike asked looking over at Tom. Tom stared at his hands. He took a deep breath and shook his head.

"That's the problem. I think I'm lost. I should have never come up for air."

"Tom," Mike said softly. Mike knew Tom was talking about after the Nathan James sank. Tom was saying he should have stayed down and drowned with the ship. Tom shook his head. "You and Sasha have been together for almost four years."

"It's been a bit rocky the whole time, Mike. I always denied it but she's right. My kids are right. I was there physically but mentally I'm checked out. I'm not here anymore. I couldn't…can't…I can't break the hold. I'm not emotionally available. That's what I hear over and over. And they're right. How do I get over it all? How did you?"

"Not going to lie, the last six months after I retired, was shit. I drank a lot. I spent my time locked inside my apartment. Hell, if you had visited a month ago? We'd both be drunk sitting in my apartment right now drowning in our sorrows."

"So, what changed?"

"Ty got himself in trouble as I was coming home with groceries," Mike sighed out. "I found something I want to live for again," Mike replied with a small smile. Tom released a shuttering breath.

"I…it didn't work for me," Tom said, his voice laced with sadness. Mike closed his eyes.

"You have to find a reason, a way, to let go of all of it. We can't go back. We can't change it. We're getting too old to cowboy around the ocean. You have to find a way back to dry land, mentally. Want me to find someone you can talk to?"

"A headshrinker?"

"Tom, something has to give or you're not going to make it. I can see it in you. You're still there, Buddy, but you have to fight you're way back to the surface. Sasha loves you; I don't doubt that. You're kids? They love you, don't ever doubt that. But you aren't you right now."

"But maybe this is me, now," Tom sighed. Mike felt defeated. He felt horrible for his friend, but he also didn't know what to do to help Tom back to the surface.

"Only if you want it to be," Mike replied. Tom looked up at him and frowned, before looking back at the floor.

"Ashley told me I needed to find peace."

"Ashley is right," Mike replied. Tom nodded slowly. "And only you know what can bring you peace. What does peace look like for Tom Chandler?"

"I don't know, and that's a lot of the problem. I thought being home, having Sasha, the kids, still part of the Navy, it would be enough."

"Then why isn't it?"

"I don't know," Tom ground out in frustration.

"Because you haven't actually dealt with the trauma and the grief of the last six years. PTSD is a real thing, Tom, and it's not just hiding from loud noises. It's burying your feelings."

"I don't feel anything anymore, I'm numb."

"Because when we turn off the bad feelings? We have to turn off the good ones too. You need to turn it all back on, you need to feel the grief. You need to feel the trauma…so you can deal with it. Sasha will help."

"Sasha is tired of me."

"You sound like you've already given up."

"Maybe I have," Tom shrugged.

"So, did you come here to say goodbye to me?" Mike asked, the worry evident in his voice. Tom glanced at him, and Mike felt the panic bubble inside him. "Jesus, Tom."

"I told you that's not where I'm at."

"Yeah, so you say," Mike gritted. He felt angry that Tom had given up so heavily. He could tell the fight was gone from his once mighty friend. Tom didn't reply to him. "We fix this. You need a change. Move out here. Take a break from everything."

"What?" Tom asked incredulously.

"You need a new start, Tom, you need to work on you so that you can work on them when you're better. I think you need to start fresh. So, move here, or somewhere. Away from Annapolis. Away from what you know. Leave. Establish yourself."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. If you want to get better. Think about it."

"Okay," Tom conceded. Mike wasn't sure if it was to his idea or just thinking about it. Mike made a mental note to call Sasha and talk to her about his idea.

"And know, that I'm not perfect, I still face my demons every day," Mike said with a sigh. He glanced up as he heard a door open in the hallway. Wyatt came half skipping, half running down the hallway.

"Mike," he said plainly as he climbed up on the couch and settled on Mike's lap. Mike wrapped his arms around the boy and kissed the top of his head. He glanced over to see Tom staring at him.

"Fatherhood looks good on you," Tom said quietly with a sad smile. Mike nodded. He knew he had his work cut out for him if he was going to help Tom, but he felt everyone else may have given up on him and Mike didn't want to do that. He felt his old friend was still trapped in there somewhere, and Mike was going to attempt to bring him out. He just hoped Tom would agree to his plan.

To Be Continued…