It was horrifying, the silence.
No longer did Shinji wish for everything to pass by while listening to his SDAT, no longer did the wish for the world to just die cling to his thoughts.
There had only been a couple of days since he crawled out of the sea that was still there, the sea that was tainted with all of humanity liquified.
The first day had been acceptable, it was something he had expected after all of this, nothing. Absolute nothing.
Shinji knew people would show up, they had to, he couldn't be the only one who could imagine himself, he couldn't be.
So he sat, waiting for the inevitable return of everyone else while the orchestra of silence played all around him.
It was the second day when the doubt started to voiced itself.
Was- was Rei wrong?
Maybe this was his punishment, to be left alone for the rest of his life? It would be fitting for what he had done.
If Shinji wasn't keeping himself busy with overthinking he would be imagining them right now, everyone who should be alive looking at him, glaring at him like they should.
Shinji could imagine those glares if he kept his eyes closed, it wasn't the innumerable nameless people glaring at him that hurt, of course not, it never was. It was always Misato's stare of disappointment or Asuka's seething gaze that were always among the ones that would actually hurt.
Those were only a couple of the many, many gazes behind his closed eyes and empty mind.
This train of thought always brought Shinji to the same place, back to thinking about why he was here.
There was nothing left, he had made sure of that. So what was the point?
This small section of shore was his prison, was that why he was here, all alone? To have a place to keep an eye on him, to waste away till the end?
It didn't matter in the end. He was once Judge, Jury and Executioner, so who was he to reject someone else's sentencing?
All of Shinji's inner thoughts were interrupted by the shore washing up higher than normal, getting his feet and the bottom of his pants wet.
It was probably just the thoughts of an empty mind trying to keep busy but…it felt like it was the water agreeing with him.
Yeah, it was all clicking into place now, he almost thought that he was supposed to be here to greet everyone. Who would want to see him?
So he sat, awaiting his destiny of a slow and isolated death, so humanity could return once he was gone.
In yet another cruel twist of fate, when Shinji had come to accept the situation at hand, life decided it was time to add a twist.
It wasn't immediately after the water receded that he noticed the yellow sundress nor the red hair that was attached to it, he didn't pay any mind to it in fact, he was more focused on wasting away in sync with LIliths remains.
It was when the red started blowing in the wind like it did, what felt like lifetimes ago on that aircraft carrier.
Shinji didn't want to face the facts.
He wanted to run away.
He just wanted someone else to fix this.
He just wanted to disappear.
It was Asuka, in the dress he knew didn't exist anymore, it was torn into pieces by the person wearing it after that one angel did something to her mind.
It was almost funny, someone comes back from the dead after you fail them in the one of the moments they needed you and the first thing you worry about is a dress that shouldn't exist.
Someone was laughing now, too quietly to tell who it was. There was no one else on the beach so he decided to see what the only other person alive was laughing at. When he was over her and looking at her calm sleeping face he was confused, she wasn't even awake.
Oh, he was the one laughing.
Was it that joke he made earlier? Probably, or it was the fact that out of however many million people Lilith could have sent back, it was the one who confused him and hated him the most.
Guess that meant Rei wasn't lying after all.
Asuka would probably be hungry when she woke up, he was when he came crawling out of the sea. Wasting away with Lilith wasn't an option now, he had to earn forgiveness somehow, if there even was any left to earn.
It wasn't hard to find food, there was a gas station within eyeshot when he got onto a road, sure it didn't look like it was going to stand forever but what was the worst that would happen?
It falls on him?
It didn't for better or worse and he had gotten a bunch of food and water that wouldn't go bad anytime soon.
The snacks in his hands might have weighed more due to who they were for or due to lack of nourishment but who was to say?
There were far too many thoughts passing through his head, enough to give him a headache, which it had.
What had been his solace before, his mind, the one place he could escape to, was gone for now, replaced by a throbbing sensation whenever he thought too hard.
He was stuck in the waking world whether he wanted to be or not.
When he was finally back at the beach that he had come to know he looked and spotted her, still there laying down in the sand face up.
Maybe he should have grabbed some blankets, he did know it was a bit chilly on the beach but Shinji was purposely suffering to repent in some way but that didn't mean she wouldn't need them..
Asuka could just yell at him about it when she woke up, that's how he was used to being treated anyways.
Whenever she woke up that is.
If she did.
What would her reaction be to him? After everything they both went through.
Probably disgust, anger and disappointment, that's essentially what she had given him in that place, in that world of desires.
He could- no he would deal with it though, it was only justice for both his actions and inactions in all matters relating to Asuka.
Deciding that was enough arguing with himself, Shinji decided to just put the food down beside her and took a bag of chips to snack on while he sat away from Asuka.
While not terribly hungry, he decided to eat some anyways and was rewarded with a waft of salt and potato.
Which let him ponder his new circumstances.
There was company now, even if she was asleep.
Better than the rotting head he was watching slowly sink into the sea.
