Chapter 8

Like the doctor had said, there were good days and bad days for Steve.
Some days he felt good, had even managed to watch TV for a while. When he had felt his concentration and sight decrease, he had closed his eyes and just listened to what was on until the sound felt disturbing too.
On other days he couldn't even get out of bed. One morning he had even asked Danny for pain medication. It had helped to at least make it possible to go to the bathroom.
After his return the headache was even worse than before though. He had used two more pills to get it back down to a manageable level.
But he had more and more good days. The symptoms lessened and he got more active.
The only thing that seemed to be some kind of a constant companion was the dizziness. It just didn't want to go away.
It was the worst just after getting up from sleep. First, from lying to sitting, then from sitting to standing. Sometimes it lessened after a few seconds, sometimes it even increased and Steve had to sit down again. On those days he was depending on Danny's help to get up.
It was about three weeks after Steve's discharge when he woke up at night, which was unusual for him, but he couldn't ignore nature's call. He sat up waited a few seconds and stood up. He felt quite good and thought he had everything under control when dizziness hit him once more.
He knew he wouldn't make it alone and called for Danny.
When he didn't get an answer his calls got louder and with every single one more desperate.

Danny had heard his friend. He was already on top of the stairs when he heard him again.
"Danny…" after five more seconds "Danny!...Danny! Danny!"
The detective picked up his pace and almost ran into the guest room.
"What's wrong?" he asked concerned.
Steve's voice sounded like he was close to some kind of a panic attack.
"Bathroom…need…go…can't get…up." Steve panted.
"It's fine. I am here to help." Danny tried to calm his friend.
Steve stood up again. If it hadn't been for Danny, he would have fallen down on his knees or even face planted.
Thankfully though, Danny had a firm grip on the SEAL.
"Easy. I've got you," he reassured." Breathe."
It took over a minute until Steve finally started to walk. He stopped again after just two short steps.
"I am so dizzy man," he brought out but tried to take the next step.
"Take your time. I won't leave, okay."
"I…I don't want to pee myself. I need to get there." It still sounded desperate.
"I understand. But I'D rather see you pee yourself – we can clean that up – than crashing to the ground, breaking a bone or hurting your head again. So, don't rush it."

The made it just in time.
After Steve had relieved himself and all the stress was gone, he felt extremely nauseous. It came so hard and fast that he hadn't had the time to turn himself and he violently vomited onto the floor.
The sound was everything Danny needed to storm into the bathroom without knocking.
'Damn,' he thought. 'Didn't see that coming.'
"Hey, babe," he said softly. "Looks like you are done. Lean back. I'll bring you some water to rinse your mouth and wipe your face. Try to breath more evenly."

They walked back to bed even slower than they had moved before.
Steve was still dizzy and nauseous and vomiting had brough back a headache which was increasing every minute.
He was barely able to put one foot in front of the other.
Both men were happy when they had reached the bed safely.
Fifteen minutes, an anti-nausea pill and a painkiller later, Steve was out like a light.

Danny cleaned up the bathroom floor and had another look at his friend who seemed to sleep peacefully without any sign of distress.
'He did that earlier too,' Danny thought. 'Nothing had indicated that something like this would happen tonight.'
He decided to camp out on the couch just in case another incident would occur.
Thankfully, it didn't and both men slept through the rest of the night.

Steve woke up and felt pretty good until the memories of the night caught up with him. He felt bad for making his friend worry about him – again – for vomiting on the floor and leaving Danny to clean it up.
He took his time to sit up to dress himself and was even more careful when he stood up. Nothing happened, He was fine and hoped it would be one of the good days.
After he had used the bathroom once more, he went into the living room.
Danny was still fast asleep on the couch. Head buried into the pillow but the blanket half on the floor, leaving his lower body uncovered. Instinctively he had tucked up his legs to make himself smaller but it had done nothing to preserve heat.
Steve bend down – slowly and carefully – picked up the blanket and readjusted it around his friend without waking him up. Then he continued his way to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for them both.

Danny woke up an hour later to the smell of coffee. It took him a moment to register where he was. When he noticed he was lying on the couch, he remembered the events of the night.
Then he smiled. 'If Steve had made coffee, he is definitely better.'

Danny found his friend outside. He was sitting on a chair on the lanai. Feet up and in the sun, head in the shades, sunglasses on. The sun still wasn't Steve's friend again yet but he needed the fresh air and the ocean.
It had always been some kind of medication for him. The sound of the waves and the smell of the salty air had always had a calming effect on him, had helped him heal.
"Hey, how you doing?" Steve asked,
"Me?...I am good, Looks like you feel better too." Danny answered.
"I do…yes…thankfully…sorry for the mess…sorry for making your worry."
"I thought we've been over this. There is no need to apologize because you are sick or hurt and can't control what is happening. And whoever had taught you that is an idiot."
"I know. I am still sorry though. I mean, I had worried you enough already and you have done so much for me."
"And I would do much more. You are my best friend, Steve. I will always have your back – no matter what," Danny said determined.
"I know you would," Steve said in a low voice. "And that is what scares me to death," he added almost in a whisper.
Danny was surprised by that statement.
"What do you mean by that," he asked. "It's no shame to need help and especially taking it when offered. You really need to learn that."
"I know and I'm trying. That wasn't what I've meant though."
"Then what did you mean?" Danny wanted to know.
"I'm scared that…that one day…you…you…take a bullet or…or get hurt otherwise because…because you want to protect my life. Giving yours for mine. And…and that is my greatest fear." Steve replied seriously.
"That is mine too," Danny admitted.
Now it was Steve's time to look surprised.
"Then don't do it," he answered after a few seconds. "Just promise me you won't do that – ever."
"I can't. Because I meant my greatest fear is that you'll give your life for mine. And I know you would because that is who you are.
When we had met, I had thought you were either just reckless or had a death wish and wanted to die in action or wanted to demonstrate your abilities. Now I know that you are just confident in your own skills and capacity. In my opinion you are still taking too many and a lot of incalculable risks. The problem is though that that gets even worse when someone you care about is in danger. Your survival instincts and the rest of your already low self-protection is completely gone at that point.
And I don't want you to die for me either."
Both friends looked each other in the eyes for a few seconds until Steve mumbled "Better me than you."
"Do you think you are not worth it?" Danny exploded. "I tell you what you are, you def…"
"I don't think that," Steve interrupted. "But you have two kids to take care of. How…how am I suppose to explain to them that…that you are dead and I am alive? That they don't…have a father anymore because you chose to die for me and left them behind? The ones you love the most?"
"I hope it will never come to that but if it does, I am sure you'll find a way because as much as I love my kids, I can't afford to lose you either. Not like that! Not if I have a chance to prevent it. So, I can't promise you to stay back if your life is on the line. Just like you can't promise to do that if it is mine.
And I understand that. That's why I won't ask you for that. But still, it would make my life much easier if you could dial it back a bit, tread a little more carefully and take care of your own life too.
I know the recent event hadn't been your fault but it might have happened on a lot of other occasions.
And brother, I don't want to see something like that ever again. When I saw that baseball bat connecting with your skull, I had thought that was it. Seeing you trying to get up again brought back hope but after you had passed out, I really thought we've lost you. Even…feeling your pulse didn't make it better because I've already imagined what damage that damn thing had done.
I will never forget the sound of wood against bone.
And I also don't want to explain my kids why their favorite uncle is dead."
Danny had said all this in a serious but soft tone.
"I am sorry, Danny. I still don't remember any of this.
I can only imagine how this must have felt and I hope I won't see you like this ever.
And just like you've said, I can't promise you to stay back. I would do everything in my power as well to keep you safe, to prevent getting you hurt…or worse because I can't afford losing you either.
But I will try to be more careful from now on. I too don't want you to deliver a message like that to Grace or Charlie."
"That is all I can ask for."

They sat in silence for a few minutes until Danny asked "So, how about breakfast?"
"I am in," Steve smiled. "Already prepared a few things."
"Great."
Both men stood up and started walking back to the house. Danny had almost reached the door when he heard Steve say "Stop, Danny."
"What's wrong? You dizzy again?" the concern was back immediately.
"No. Everything is good. I am fine. Just come here."
When Danny stood in front of Steve the latter raised his arms and put them around his friend.
He hugged him tight and said "Thank you Danny. For putting up with me, staying with me and for being in my life. But especially for being such a great friend."

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