Chapter 4 : Insights

Harry was having breakfast at the Great Hall with six other students staying at Hogwarts. The silence between them was a little unnerving, thus Harry was more than excited to see Ron and Hermione in less than three hours. They most likely already boarded the Hogwarts Express at London. "Maybe they are playing Exploding Snap with Fred, George and Ginny," Harry thought longingly.

He recalled the day all the students staying back had had breakfast together. They used to sit at separate house tables, but it was Christmas Eve that day, and Dumbledore thought it would be more cozy, warm and family-like if they sat together. So, ate together they did. The experience was awkward enough for Harry to stop having meals at the hall afterwards.

The Ravenclaw and Hufflepuffs were all first and second year students who idolized Harry. "Well, most of the junior years do," Harry thought dryly. So, the four of them sat gaping at Harry throughout the breakfast, leaving him a little worried that they might drool on him the next time they sat together. That was not a pleasant picture.

On the other hand, the Slytherin twins glared daggers at Harry all the time. Apparently, their parents were low-ranked Death Eaters that were captured after the first war. Unfortunately, they were raised by their uncle who was also a Death Eater, so they grew up as loyal supporters of Voldemort. Obviously, they still hate baby Harry for landing their parents in Azkaban despite their escape with Lucius and others less than one year ago.

To conclude, the experience of having breakfast at the same table with them was a distressing event, at the very least. It left Harry requesting for food from Dobby every subsequent meal. However, today was the day students were coming back to Hogwarts, so the elves, as usual, were preparing a magnificent feast. Thus, Harry didn't want to disturb Dobby, who was of course, busy and running himself ragged. With no other choices, he ended up at the Great Hall for breakfast.

"At least Ron and Hermione are coming back soon, that's definitely something to look forward to," Harry pondered. Bored and with nothing to do, Harry played with his food when his thoughts wandered to the newest vision he had from Voldemort.

It seemed like Draco was in a lot of pain and agony. Harry remembered that his eyes seemed glazzy when he performed the Cruciatus curse, as if he was confounded or something. Weird. Not only so, Harry felt an emotion of sadistic delight when the girl died from Voldemort, but to think of it, it didn't seem to be directed to the victim, but Draco instead. How could Voldemort be happy that one of his Death Eaters fainted for torturing and killing someone? It didn't make sense at all to Harry.

Well, he would just have to keep a close eye on Draco when he returns. Harry shrugged mentally.


"Harry!" Harry heard a shout from behind and barely turned around before being ambushed by a certain bushy-haired girl that he knew so well. "Hermione, nice to see you again. Had a nice Christmas?" Harry managed to breath out after being released from Hermione's suffocating embrace.

"Yes! My parents took a whole week of work to be with me. And guess what, they gifted me a whole shelf of novels! They simply are brilliant!" Hermione's eyes were shining, a typical 'Hermione' reaction to books. Harry felt a tinge of jealousy when Hermione's parents were mentioned. She had a whole week of fun with her parents without having to lose anything, whereas Harry would willingly lose the whole world for a minute with his parents, but didn't even have the chance to make such a choice.

Swiftly, he pushed the emotions away. He wouldn't let his selfishness destroy the happiness of his friends. So, he turned his attention to the two red hairs standing beside Hermione.

"Ron, Ginny, how's your….What happened to you, Ron?" Harry exclaimed. His friend had a bruised eye and bleeding lips. It was so obvious that he got into a fight with someone. And Harry was pretty sure that someone had blonde hair and gray eyes.

Ron visibly straightened up and cut Hermione, who was about to rant, short. "I punched Malfoy for insulting you," he said smugly. "He will have a big black bruise tomorrow, mate. Can't wait to see it." Beside him, an exasperated Hermione reprimanded, "and here I thought you were hurt too, because someone didn't even think of defending himself from counterattacks. Don't even mention that physical assaults on other students are not allowed."

Harry gave an apologetic smile at Ron. They both knew Hermione would not let the issue drop anytime soon. However, Harry was still grateful that Ron cherished him enough to stand up for him. He really didn't deserve such a good and loyal friend. "What did Malfoy say though?" Harry asked.

"He-". This time, Ron was interrupted by Hermione. "He didn't even say anything. It's more like he was condoning Crabbe and Goyle cursing you to die like a muggle girl did. From their words, the poor girl died of torture. Anyway, Malfoy didn't actively participate. To think of it now, he seemed a little disturbed. Nevertheless, our friend here still found a need to try punching him senseless." Hermione rolled her eyes after glaring at Ron, again.

However, Harry was not paying attention to his two friends. His thoughts wandered to a certain Malfoy. It didn't seem like Draco would be willing to relive the accidental killing of the girl with his friends, seeing his immediate reaction then, but again, he didn't stop them either. What was happening, and what was Draco thinking?

"Harry?" Ginny shoved him gently to snap him out of his trance. "What are you thinking about?" she asked. "Errr...nothing, just wondering what we would be getting for dinner." Obviously, his lie was not convincing at all for Ginny was eyeing him skeptically. After a moment though, she just shrugged and followed the Golden trio to the Great Hall for dinner.


Harry was up bright and early the next morning. He had a good night's sleep after exhausting himself mentally trying to beat Ron in wizard's chess, to no avail, of course. Anyhow, it was one of the best rest he had for a whole year, a rare night without haunting nightmares. He still had an hour before they were due for breakfast, so Harry decided to have a morning stroll around the lake.

Silently, as to not wake his fellow roommates, Harry made way to his destination. Hogwarts was unusually quiet as most of its inhabitants were still wandering in their dream world. Harry found the silence soothing, for it was times like these he was able to dive freely in his thoughts.

Harry barely made it to the lake when he was a hooded figure strolling along the path with hunched shoulders. When looked closely, he could see that the figure was wearing a Slytherin scarf outside his hooded robes. Curious, Harry took a few cautious steps nearer to the figure, who was not identifiable as a boy. To his shock, the boy turned out to be Draco, whose eyes were vacantly staring into space, and his brows creased in sorrow. One could even argue that there were faint tear tracks on Draco's cheeks.

Overcomed by what he saw, Harry could only stand motionless when Draco saw him peeking from behind a tree. As if suddenly recovering himself from his trance, Draco shook his head miniaturely before sneering at Harry.

"What are you doing so early in the morning, and not bringing your brains along?" Draco's insult was sharp, but Harry detected that the tone contained less bite than usual. When he looked intently at his classmate, he could see that Draco had slightly red-rimmed eyes and large bags under his eyes, indicating that the boy had not had enough sleep. Well, it was obvious that something was bothering Draco if he resorted to crying, right?

The vision Harry had of Draco swarmed into the forefront of his mind. How could he forget his promise to look out for Draco? Harry kicked himself mentally. The retort that he had instinctively at the end of his tongue dissolved into concern. Harry might not like Draco, but even he could feel sympathy for this boy who looked like he encountered death. "Are you…okay?" Harry felt stupid asking, as the answer was pretty obvious. Nevertheless, Draco seemed taken aback by the…pity?

His gray eyes went soft for a moment and his lips trembled slightly. But the moment of weakness passed immediately. A mocking expression was plastered to Draco's face. "Mind your own business," he snapped before turning away elegantly. Harry was left wondering whether he had really seen Draco's hand reach out ever so slightly for comfort when Harry offered it, his originally pleasant mood dissolved into nothingness.


Harry was back at the Gryffindor common room when Ron and Hermione joined him there and headed for breakfast together. Ron was grumbling endlessly about how they had double Potions for the morning, earning himself several stares from younger students around them. It ended up with Hermione reprimanding Ron for making a fuss over such a small issue. So, when they entered the Great Hall, Harry was in company with an irritated Hermione and a rather subdued Ron. Not that Harry noticed though. He had his thoughts filled by a certain Slytherin.

When they entered the hall, the first thing Harry noticed was a handsome and presentable, well, usual Draco. The Draco that had bloodshot eyes and pale skin was nowhere to be seen. Harry, having experienced some terrible days himself, knew that it was not possible to get rid of the signs of distress in the blink of an eye. That left one possible explanation. Draco was using a glamor.

So the blonde who always wanted attention did not want his friends to notice his troubles? He didn't usually care whether he was famous or notorious for something, why care this time? But Harry saw and knew enough to not judge someone by the past. Maybe Draco had really changed, and Harry sincerely hoped that it was a change towards the better.

Absent-mindedly, Harry piled his plate with food and shoved them into his mouth. Luckily, Ron and Hermione were still busy bickering at each other occasionally. When they were not, Ron was immersed in his food while Hermione was hidden behind books. That left Harry free to ponder with his thoughts.

Harry was almost finished with his food when a flurry of owls entered the Great Hall. He was about to return to his food when he saw in his peripheral view a large brown owl landing in front of Draco. Draco paled significantly. That said something because the changes shouldn't be seen under glamor, unless there was a fluctuation in the caster's magical capacity. Harry saw Pansy and Blaise casting worried glances at their blonde-haired friend.

Cautiously, Draco reached out to untie the letter from the owl, which flew away elegantly. The next moment found Draco striding out of the hall, his expression carefully blank. It didn't take Harry in though. Stealing a glance at the Slytherin table, Harry saw that the other sixth years were bewildered by Draco's sudden leave, but were not planning to go after him.

Sighing, Harry stood up to follow the blonde boy out. "Ron, Hermione, I suddenly remembered something important, need to go now, see you at Potions later. Save me a seat please!" Then, he tore out of the hall, anxious to keep track of his once-enemy.

Harry swore when Draco was nowhere to be seen. Before him now was a T-junction, and Harry had no idea which turn Draco took. After hesitating for a moment, he blindly chose a path and walked briskly along it. Luck was on his side. Harry let out a breath in relief when he saw Draco leaning against a tree beside the lake. It seemed like Draco and Harry had a common point, they both loved the lake.

However, the relief didn't last long. Draco suddenly started running around the lake furiously as if chosen by a mad dog. Shocked, Harry scrutinized to see if something was chasing Draco, but he couldn't see anything. That's when he started to panic, was Draco getting crazy?


Draco had no appetite. His brief encounter with Harry just now made him long for comfort. Harry might not mean it when he held a comforting hand to Draco, "of course he didn't mean it, you idiot", Draco reprimanded himself for the wishful thinking, but oh, it meant a lot to Draco. He wanted someone to understand, someone to seek reassurance from. The secret was getting a little bit too much to carry by his own. But he'd be damned if he tried to get it from the Gryffindor golden boy.

However, no matter what his logical mind told him, a part of his heart kept replaying the kindness he received from Harry today, and that day when Harry hit him with Sectumsempra. "He tried to kill you, Draco." "Oh, but you know full well that he didn't know the effects of the curse, and will never mean it." His heart and mind were battling each other again. It was becoming a more common occurrence recently. Perhaps people tend to do so when they are in emotional turmoil.

"Draco, the owl post is here! Do you think my parents would have delivered any sweets?" Pansy asked from beside him. Forcing a smile, Draco turned towards her and replied "be sure to share so with me if they do". Pansy nodded her agreement. Draco turned back to his plate and resumed his action of pushing food around. Of course he wouldn't be receiving anything. His parents were locked in a dungeon chamber, remember?

So, he was so shocked to see an owl landing in front of him. Not just any owl. It was a Malfoy family owl. Oh gosh, perhaps his parents were dead, perhaps they ran away and Voldemort is now coming to Hogwarts to get Draco, perhaps…Thousands of images of disaster flooded through his mind. He felt his magic surge in fear. Trembling, he held out his hand to untie the letter.

He almost fainted when he opened the envelope. At first, he saw nothing inside, but when he peeked cautiously in, he was presented with a lock of blonde hair. Immediately, he recognized it as his father's. So it's a reminder from Voldemort. He didn't need it. Of course he knew what's at stake if he failed his mission. Him and his parents would never see each other ever again, to the very least. But it was still cruel to be reminded this way that the lives of their whole family was at the hands of others. It was all he could do to walk sedately out the hall before he broke into a run.

He wasn't aware of where he was going, but he didn't care. He really wanted to end this. The misery, the despair, the loneliness. Draco felt like drowning. It was only because of the oath to save his parents that he was still in the land of living. But he didn't know how much longer he could hold on before he completely lost hope.

Why? Why me? Why? Why? Why? It was the only thought that plagued Draco's mind.

Finally, the thought became too much. He was suffocating. He knew it. And so he ran, the fastest he had run in his life. He imagined running away from the troubles, away from pain. It felt so good. But no, reality was closing up on him. It was about to catch up. No, no, no….There was no way out.

Casting a silencing charm, he let his frustration out for the first time. "I hate you, Voldemort! I HATE YOU!" Never did he know that Harry was within the range of his silencing charm.


A/N : Thanks for the review, Lifezvictory and James Birdsong! Again, any comments, positive or negative, are welcomed.

More in next chapter...Confrontation between Harry and Draco (Finally...XD)