It's their second date, Amity notes idly somewhere in the back of her mind.

They're at some dated-looking cafe with metal countertops and neon signs that sells grilled cheese and other homemade junk, but Amity isn't hungry. Not for food, at least.

She sips her strawberry milkshake, the sweetness is already giving her a stomach ache but she doesn't care.

She doesn't know when she started liking sweets.

Then they catch each other's eye in an awkward little glance and Luz raises her eyebrows in question. Amity doesn't want to pretend anymore. She's tired of being dragged around and keeping quiet. She wants Luz to acknowledge her and stop acting like she isn't there. Because she is here, everyday. For her.

She gets the sudden urge to throw up and her stomach churns because she's never consumed so much sugar at one time in her life. Paired with the way she looks, so close but unreachable. She has her but not completely, not like the way Amity is completely hers. She just wishes Luz felt the same. She wonders why she even bothers with her if she doesn't even like Amity like that. Why does she keep coming back, picking her up, kissing her, touching her if she doesn't feel the same?

She's so confused.

"Let's go," Says Luz and Amity practically flies out of her seat, at her heels like a little kitten. Hanging on her every word like it's all that she stands for. They kiss softly in the parking lot, Amity can taste her chocolate milkshake on her tongue. It's teasing and fast, Luz laughs into the kiss. It's so light and quick that something deep inside of her begs for more. It hurts so good. She wants more.

"I hope you know how much this hurts," she leans back against the car but Luz pulls her in and just slightly lifts her off of her feet with a deep kiss and Amity shivers with delight. She hates that she loves her so much. She hates how she's stuck. "How much I'm hurting."

"Who's fault is it?" Luz asks, setting her down on the hood of the car so she can stand between her legs and kiss her dizzier than she already was. She hates how they're so open for the public to see. She hates how this is a private and tragic moment but Luz still insists on making her feel terrible. It's not her fault that she can't control herself. "You don't even know what you want."

"You're right," she says, a wave of melancholy washes over her as they kiss again. She hates how their kisses used to be fulfilling and exciting but more and more it always leaves her feeling desperate than anything. She feels empty like Luz is sucking all the life out of her and she can't escape because she doesn't want to. This is completely Amity's choice, her fault, her problem. "I just want you to touch me."

"How should I touch you?" She asks and there's a giggle in her tone. Damn her for making everything dirty. She feels less than dirty right now. "Like... this?" She slips a gentle hand on her hip.

She guesses, maybe it's her fault for enabling her. Amity makes a breathy little moan because she can't help herself. She's too desperate. "Can't we go somewhere more...private?" She asks and Luz raises her eyebrows incredulously.

"To do what?"

"Don't play dumb with me." She bites her lip when Luz rests a gentle hand on her thigh, dangerously close to where she feels the empty ache most. "You know what I want."

"You want me to…" she pokes a teasing finger against the wet spot on her underwear and Amity gasps, trying to grind her hips closer but Luz suddenly pulls it away.

"Yes," she breathes out in a shaky whisper. Why does she have to make this so hard?

"I think you have a problem." She rubs her finger close again. "You always want my hand in your pants," she laughs when Amity moans, her face burning a bright red.

"Don't make me sound like a delinquent." She says, struggling for air. "You started this. Now finish it."

"Yes ma'am," she says obediently and she pulls her off the car, arching her back as they kiss again. "There's this one place…"

"Take me there." She says almost immediately. She doesn't care. She can only think about one thing right now and that's Luz's hand, touching her everywhere. She never wants to stop. She can't imagine stopping.


She comes up between her legs, their bodies pressed flush together. Amity idles in the pleasant tingling sensation happening between her legs, she likes the torture of it. She likes how it's a constant reminder of how wrong this is and how she shouldn't do this.

Her mind goes up in flames at how warm she is, how soft she is, how solid she is. She fits her perfectly like it's already meant to be this way. Like she's supposed to do this.

"I don't think you quite understand how bad this is for me." She says after a quick, teasing kiss. "Why can't you just leave me alone?"

"You want me here." She laughs gently, her playful voice fills the quiet room. She's right. "You'd be sad if I left."

"You're right." She moans submissively. She's done trying to hold herself together. She just wishes Luz would do something. The tension is driving her crazy. "I can't do anything about it…"

"You acknowledge the problem at least," she quietly laughs to herself, slowly gliding Amity's zipper down. Everywhere she touches her it burns like a flame and it makes her want to die, it hurts so much that this doesn't mean anything. But still she wants it. "But you keep coming back."

"I can't help it." Amity actually giggles despite herself. They kiss softly and it's so gentle that it tickles on her lips. She smiles, the sweet sensation shoots right down between her legs. She wriggles her hips a bit, just wanting to feel her close. She can't get enough of her. She thinks she's addicted. "I want you." She says sweetly even though she knows it doesn't matter how many times she says it.

"This isn't my fault, Blight," she says in a flirtatiously contentious voice, a hand already gently tracing around chest and Amity wriggles under it elatedly.

"We're both at fault here." Amity snaps back, biting at her lip when Luz's hand teasingly brushes past her crotch, scandalously slipping up her dress to bother her nipples. She must stand her ground. "You're wrong for still engaging with me. You have all the power here."

"I know," she grins. Amity suddenly gasps, hissing at the hand tugging at her nipple. "But I've got an empty schedule until winter."

Amity's heart skips and a brief wave of anger washes over her. She knows this. Still she can't help the rage she feels when she hears it. "I'm only here to keep you busy until you go back to work?" She asks, bitterness creeping into her tone despite the immense desire burning in her chest.

"I'm only doing what you asked," she says. "And I think you asked me to touch you."

Right .

"You're right," she says, breathless.

"I'm always right." Luz pulls her hand out of her dress, much to Amity's intense displeasure. She aggressively snatches Luz's hand and shoves it back up her dress but she pulls it right back out and sternly tells her, "Be patient."

"I've been patient," she practically whines. "You always make me wait."

Luz grins at her and tugs roughly at her ear. It's an annoying little sensation of pain but it turns Amity on more, despite herself. She's so beside herself tonight. She isn't helpless (even if she liked the thought of that) so she reaches up and tugs at Luz's hair, not hard enough to make it hurt. But she takes it to a whole other level and Luz tangles her hand through Amity's green hair and takes a fistful of it, pushing her head back against the wall. She loves how needlessly assertive it was, how the gentle kisses up her jaw makes it all okay.

"What exactly do you want?" She asks in a low whisper, slowly tracing a finger back up her skirt, the one she chose just for this moment. Just to make things a bit easier for Luz. Even if it was to torture herself more.

"You," she breathes out shakily, her eyes flutter closed. "Even if you don't want me, I don't care."

"I want you like this ," she scrapes her fingernail slowly up her inner thigh, her hand brushing up against Amity's damp underwear.

"You only want me for sex." She says sharply, even though she loves it. Even though she loves the way Luz has her right now, so completely on her knees, begging for more.

"No," a gentle stroke. "That's all you want me for." She says and maybe she's right? Amity feels a deep rush of guilt—she doesn't know. She can't think straight right now.

"No," she gasps sharply, Luz slips a hand inside her underwear. "I love you...so much. I want you to touch me and kiss me like I'm yours."

"You are mine."

"I am," she confirms it like it's the first time, like she's even had to say it at all. Like it's obvious. She guesses, maybe it is. "Even if you don't love me, you could pretend. That's good enough for me."

Luz hooks a finger around her waistband and slips her underwear down. They drop to the floor, pooling around her feet. "Geez. You're desperate." Luz gives her a soft kiss on her neck.

"Yes," she shudders delightfully. "I want you to take control and torture me,"

"You're crazy."

"I love our fights and the way you hurt me," she clenches around the two fingers that slip inside of her with ease. "I don't care if you use me."

"So, what do you want, Amity?"

"Everything," she lets out a whiny little sound. "Give it to me."

"I don't know what you want from me," she says again, strokes her faster and Amity arches her back a bit just to get that sweet, sweet pressure inside of her again.

"Why do you have to, ah—!" She gasps. "Make my life so miserable?"

"You have to tell me what you want or else I can't help you."

"You've never helped me," a lewd shriek at the finger that's slipped deeper than she's ever felt before. Goodness, it feels amazing, she can't believe she's here right now, letting this happen. She can't believe she's like this. "You always give me hope that maybe…"

Luz pulls out to gently swirl her sticky fingers around her—"Maybe what?"

She loses her nerve because it doesn't matter. "I love you," she says again and her stomach twists at how she doesn't say it back, flutters at how Luz gently touches her sensitive spots, she feels so happy that she knows just how to make her come. Maybe she does love me, she thinks for a split second. And she takes her hand out again, examining the sticky white on her two fingers with a proud smirk on her face. "You pervert." She says weakly.

"I'm not the one who just had an orgasm over two fingers," she says, teasing. "You don't last very long."

"You're just too good." Amity bites down on her lip as she watches Luz rub her come around between her two fingers. She's ready to go again already. She'd last longer this time, just to prove to Luz she was worth something. "I want you inside of me again."

"You're full of energy tonight, aren't you?" She gently glides her fingers over Amity's lips, top then bottom. Gross, she feels her mouth water in disgust. But somehow it wound her up even more, the vulgar absurdity of it. She squeezes her eyes shut, quickly flicking her tongue over her lips to taste herself. It's disgusting with a hint of sweetness that makes her even more wet and Luz kisses her softly before licking over her lips.

"That was extremely unsanitary." She shivers with repulsion.

"And extremely hot." Luz grins. "Stop acting like this isn't your wildest fantasy coming to life."

"It is," she says and she hates how she is right all the time. "I want you to touch me."

Luz raises her eyebrows playfully amused, simply touches her finger to Amity's chest and keeps it there. "Like this?"

"Touch me everywhere," she trembles as her finger drags down, lower and lower. "Touch me like you love me. Let's just pretend."

"'Kay," she wraps her arms around her hips and pulls Amity into a hug. "If I loved you...I'd hug you like this," she says softly into her ear. She feels so pent up with nerves and anger and arousal that she doesn't even know which one to act on, if she should at all. She wants to let Luz take control, make all of the moves. She didn't see any point in doing it herself if it didn't even matter anyways. "I'm just pretending, Amity." She says sweetly as she rubs comforting little strokes down her back. It feels so good and Amity hates it. The contrasting tone of her usual rough and sexually charged touches— now suddenly it's just soft and gentle. Romantic. Sweet.

She wishes she could have both. She loves both. "Fuck you," Amity sighs into her shoulder. "I hate you."

"You love me." She slips her hand up to gently cradle the back of her head and she pulls Amity closer. "And if I loved you, I'd probably do this," a little content moan from Amity and she leans forward, nuzzling into Luz's neck softly. It's such a simple gesture, these touches but it's all she's ever wanted from Luz. She almost feels touch starved, like the other kinds of touching they do aren't exactly like this, sweet and stable and loving and sure. She can only imagine how special and fulfilled she'd be if only they weren't pretending.

Luz suddenly pushes her back against the wall and kisses her fervently. Amity hates it so much despite her rolling hips and her aching body because she just wants to feel her close, feel loved. She feels used and toyed with. "But...I don't." She says at last.

"Yes you do," Amity says because she refuses to believe it.

"You wish I did." She says and—she's got to love her, the way she's eating her up and kissing her down her neck and teasing at her clit, the two fingers slipping in and out of her at a quick and steady pace that push her over the edge for the second time tonight. Her cry of pleasure and agony and desire and desperacy, how she takes whatever Luz gives her because still she loves her and she loves it even if it's sick and terrible and twisted and tragic. How she comes two more times after that and still she isn't satisfied. She doesn't know what to do anymore.


"Can you leave?" She asks, trembling tears rolling down her cheeks as she lay cuddled in with Luz on her bed, an arm wrapped around her waist. She shivers at the hand still idly teasing her nipple but it doesn't do anything to her. She's lost count of how many times she came to her hand, her mouth, her words, to the thought of things she wished would happen, could be. She's completely exhausted and she feels nothing anymore. Not even the sad ache in her chest that's usually there is present anymore. Not even the prickly tingles between her legs are there.

"If you want," Luz whispers and gently kisses her forehead. It'd make her sad if she weren't so wrung out of feeling anything right now. She's just tired. Actually, the thought of Luz leaving and making her sleep alone really bothers her now that she's thinking about it. But she has to stand her ground.

"I don't want to see you ever again." She says.

"You always say that. And then this happens." Luz snorts. Amity cuddles closer, burying her face in her neck and she shivers at the cold buttons of Luz's jacket against her bare skin, the rough fabric of her jeans rubbing against her tired clit. Luz is still completely clothed and Amity is entirely nude. What is she doing wrong here? She considers just falling asleep right here but she really needs to get into her pajamas because suddenly she feels uncomfortable being the only person naked. Amity pulls back and Luz gives her another soft kiss and she weakly kisses back. She's so tired.

With a grueling effort, she gets out of bed and immediately upon standing up she feels her legs wobbling under her, threatening to give out. The three steps to her dresser are unstable and difficult. Getting into her pajamas is a whole other ordeal as it is slow and tedious because all she can think about is Luz and how she's in her bed and how she can feel her eyes on her as she struggles with her pajama top. She doesn't bother with putting underwear back on because she thinks (she hopes) Luz will try to get in her pants again.

She turns around to start her journey back to the bed and sure enough there's Luz staring at her, an amused glint even in her tired eyes. "What?" Amity asks, limping to the bed as close as she can get and then she crawls back under the covers, cuddling herself back up to Luz.

"You're acting like I beat you with a sledgehammer," she laughs and even though it's condescending and teasing, she still thinks it's beautiful and contagious so she laughs along too, at how ridiculous this night has been. How stupid and worthless she feels.

"Well, you jammed me with your hand well enough, don't you think?" She pulls the cover up over them before Luz has the chance to say anything weird and perverted. Her body is so warm and perfect, she can't believe she's here in her bed right now like this. Amity pulls herself as close as possible because she feels like she can't get enough, she can't connect with her no matter how close they are or how much they have sex.

"You want me to stay?" She asks.

She can't bring herself to say it because she's not even sure herself. Luz has made her feel a lot of things tonight but the most prevalent was terrible and really she doesn't want anything to do with her for a week at least. She doesn't like the fact that she's in her bedroom like this or the fact that she likes her company or the fact that she wants her closer even if she's done nothing but torture her. But still, she nods because she wants her, really badly, to just stay right here with her at least for another hour if not the whole night.

"What will you say when your mom walks in here?" She asks, a sly grin on her face, an arm slipping around Amity's waist.

"I'm eighteen, it doesn't matter," she yawns. "Good night."

"Night."

"Love you." Amity says and it's the last thing that echoes in her mind before she falls asleep.