Seven Months

She feels like she's on an elevator. It goes up and up and up, there's relaxing music that plays constantly and it helps to soothe her nerves a bit. Luz is on the elevator with her too, standing in the corner with her arms crossed and she stares boredly at Amity. It goes up and up, so high and it feels so good. When she finally starts to reach the very top floor, it falls, all the way back down. Down and down, it crashes and slams back to the very bottom. But Amity stays on and rides it out, the long and treacherous journey back to the top. All she wants is to see what's on the final floor. Maybe something well worth the wait and well worth the pain.

She'd follow her to the ends of the earth. All for that feeling she gets when she looks at her. She doesn't know what that look means, she's been trying to figure it out for a long time now. She wishes it was love but she knows it isn't.

She does things that any person in their right mind wouldn't even think of doing. But she guesses that's her problem, that she isn't in her right mind, ever. Whenever she's with Luz, she doesn't know what she's thinking.

Like how they do things in public more often than not, things that are rather kept in a bedroom. She hates herself for allowing it but she knows Luz likes it. And if Luz wanted to do it then Amity did too. Even if she feels humiliated and worthless after.

It's like her brain turns on autopilot, yes to anything Luz says, because she knows that if she were making coherent and rational decisions then maybe Luz wouldn't like her anymore...and that's the scariest thought of all for Amity.

It's like a hazy dream with her, it's like she loses her sense of self when she's with her. She loses her value and pride. She isn't a person, she's just her person. And even if that's weird, Amity likes it. She loves it, the way Luz uses her so shamelessly. She likes being used and toyed with and violated, sick and twisted as she feels. She doesn't know why. She thinks Luz made her like this.

She loves the pain and the pleasure, it's such an addicting mixture of sensation, one she wishes she didn't crave and one she wishes she didn't need. She likes the way she becomes a thing rather than a person because...she could be anything Luz wants her to be. For what, she doesn't know. All for love. All for those moments that come so infrequent, those times when she tells her, I love you. It feels good, even if she knows it's not true.

She wonders what it feels like to be appreciated, to feel loved and to be an equal in a relationship. She doesn't know. She's never had anything to compare this to and maybe, she thinks, that's why it's so hard to let go.

Firsts are always the worst.

She's been trying to let go. She just needs a little more. More time and more love. She doesn't think she'll ever love again after this, not after Luz has taken so much. Luz has drained her of anything and everything she ever thought she had. The capacity to feel love or give love, she doesn't think she can do it anymore.

She finds it harder to be with her more and more these days. She feels like an accessory or a carry on, only acknowledged when Luz got bored. Even if she loves being pushed around, pulled apart, wrung dry. She can't picture herself with anyone else like this.

That's why she likes it when they go on dates. She gets so much attention and it feels really good. She gets to dress nice and feel good about herself. She feels comfortable with Luz. She feels like her girlfriend and not just her thing. She gets to tease and joke and be assertive. She gets to roll her eyes and flirt because there are so many things she loves about Luz. She loves her touch and she loves the feeling she gets around her.

If a person could make you feel like this then it had to be love, right? It didn't matter if they made you cry every night and made you question your sanity, consider your well-being.

Every night she struggles with the thought that eventually Luz will get bored and leave. She wouldn't wake up wrapped in her arms or to her soft good morning kiss. She wouldn't be dragged into bars or end up driving across town for no reason anymore. No more impromptu make outs or road she'd have to deal with the idea of her with someone else like this. Her touching someone else like this. Her looking at someone else like this. It kind of makes it hard to enjoy her time now when they're together.

It kind of makes her sick.

She doesn't know if Luz is genuine or not. She doesn't know what to feel when she does say it. She doesn't know how to take that look, the one that practically says it. She doesn't know if she means what she says. And Luz says a lot of things, things that make her want to cry or things that make her want to get married tomorrow.

And she can't stick up for herself anymore. It's easier if she just doesn't anyways. She doesn't want to argue with her, those soft kisses in the break room or that sparkling glance. She can't ever control herself. Not when she's never felt like this before. If her happiness is the cost of this feeling then...

She takes what she can get.

And she gets a lot. Every other day she feels like she never wants to have sex again. But there's just something that changes her mind every time. Luz knows how to make everything alright. Maybe it's because she's addicted to the way she feels, the way they touch and the way they kiss and the way she sounds.

Or maybe it's because she knows that's the only thing keeping this relationship going. It shouldn't be happening. But it is and, she thinks it's because of the sex. But when she thinks about it, can you even call it that? It's more like Luz taking advantage of her body. But she likes it. And she thinks Luz just likes the feeling of being in control. If that's what she wants then Amity will give it to her, she'd gladly give up her body to make her happy... and to get that feeling.

And every other day she questions herself. A real relationship, what's it got to be like? Over time she thinks she's lost sight of what she thought love was. Because this was her love. It was different for everyone, right? It doesn't matter what she used to think because this is different. Completely different from what she thought or expected. She doesn't think she wants real love if that isn't what Luz is.

She wants to marry Luz one day, in a perfect world. She wishes Luz were romantic and sweet like in the movies. She guesses that the hope of her being sweet is what keeps her coming back too. Maybe Luz just doesn't want to have sex tonight, maybe she just wants to watch a movie, she thinks and immediately laughs it off. She knows Luz and she only wants her for one thing. And, as many times as she's come to this conclusion, it's fine. That's fine if she got to cuddle her after and just pretend.

It's the little moments that keep her from ending it all, that keep her on Luz like a lovesick moron. It's partly the sex but really it's the lazy, affectionate kisses after they're done, the ones that feel real and romantic. The way she sometimes reaches for her hand when they're out, it makes her want to cry. When she introduces her as her girlfriend. When they have real and genuine conversations that aren't about sex. When they can see eye to eye on something, when they aren't arguing.

Sometimes, she gets to act out how she's feeling. She sometimes tries talking back or pouting her lip because she gets tired of keeping quiet and just following along like she's a pet or something. She sometimes forgets that she's a person too.

Everything in her life is about Luz now. Wear this short skirt for Luz, say this for Luz, do that for Luz, get up for Luz, keep going for Luz. She feels exhausted. One morning she wakes up on one of the few times that Luz isn't here. She stumbles into her bathroom, head still pounding from a slight hangover. And that's when she catches a glance of herself in the mirror. She blinks, taken aback with shock. She looks so beat down and weak. Bruises everywhere . Dark eye bags, empty stare. She's really just... tired . She barely gets any sleep anymore with their long nights and then early mornings to get to work.

Somehow she's impressed. How a single person could take away all of her livelihood, her energy. She loves Luz even more for it. She wonders how much worse she can get.

Amity's laying in bed one evening while she waits for Luz to show up. She's really tired and actually feels like she might be coming down with something. She's curled in a pathetic little ball and she stares blankly at the plain white wall, just thinking about what she's going to tell her. She doesn't want sex tonight.

She's dozing off when she hears Luz enter the apartment. Her heart leaps with anticipatory excitement. She's so happy. She loves her so much, even through the pain and tears. "Ami," she calls affectionately from the kitchen and Amity almost wants to forget about being tired to just run in there and kiss her senseless. But she stands her ground.

After a moment, Luz wanders into the bedroom, slips out of her shoes and she crawls into bed with Amity, cuddling up behind her and tangling their legs together. Amity just wants to stay like this for a while, no sex or even talking. Just being here, so close in a loving and intimate way. She sighs in blissful relief. These are the moments that keep her coming back. This is what makes it so hard for her to leave.

It's blissfully quiet for a moment and Luz pulls her into a hug, gives her an affectionate little squeeze, gives the back of her neck a kiss. "I love you," says Amity quietly, her heart aching at the simple domesticity of the touch, the gentle way she can feel her nuzzling the back of her neck. "I love you so much." She says again in a little voice because— wow, she's at such a loss for words.

" Hermosa... love you too." She whispers. Amity almost wants to scream, how happy she feels. She doesn't believe it, how much progress she's made. She didn't have to tell her to say it back. Even if she knows that Luz just says it to get what she wants. To Amity it's good enough. She feels happy like this.

She relaxes a bit, feeling comfortable and loved, the quiet peace she feels being in her arms, she feels like she could say anything. She feels like they're close. She feels like they're equals. Telling her might come easier. Maybe she'd be fine with cuddles and a movie at least just for tonight.

Her soothing strokes on her chest suddenly stop and she brings her hand down, gently begins to draw little circles on the back of Amity's thigh and it feels so, so good. It's sweet and teasing and—immediately, there's a wet spot on her underwear and Luz knows it. She knows exactly how to get her worked up. She hates that. A feverish moan escapes her and she jerks her hips back against her. "Luz...stop," she groans, thoroughly annoyed by how easy she is. How easy it is to make her break. Luz made her like this.

Hesitantly, Luz stops but keeps her hand there as it traces up her hips so it just barely tickles her skin. "What's wrong babe?" She asks sweetly and Amity shivers, she knows that works on her. It's almost weird just how well she knows how to push all her buttons. Ugh. She isn't going to win. There's no reason to put up much of a fight anymore. She can't. "Feeling nervous?"

"No..." She bites her lip, every inch of her body in flames of protest. She wants her to trace her skin everywhere. Kiss her neck. Be her toy. "Let's just wait awhile."

"Why my love?" She asks softly, her lips brushing her neck. Goodness, this is going to take everything in her.

"I'm sleepy. Can we take a nap?" She offers up weakly, pretends to yawn and she reaches her arm back to playfully pat her face. She's so distracted. She feels her cheek, her soft lips that kiss her hand. She's really trying it out tonight. It's almost funny. "I want to go to sleep."

"And... I want to touch you," she says quietly, the smoke in her voice makes the wet spot bigger despite her hesitance. "Or...do you want me to use my mouth ?" She asks and then slowly drags her tongue up her neck. Amity moans and starts to roll her hips when Luz walks her fingers under her dress. She's already lost. Nevermind about telling her. Maybe next time.

" Yes," she says, breathless, she's gone careless just like she always does when she's so helplessly turned on. Nothing matters anymore.

"You just can't control yourself can you?" Luz laughs quietly in her ear, slips her hand between her legs. Amity lifts her leg slightly to let her hand through and it easily gets into her underwear. She slips two fingers inside just like always, it's a familiar but pleasurable feeling that she's grown tired of but just can't seem to pull away from.

"Luz. I don't want to do this." She says sternly after a whiny little moan, rolling her hips in time with each frenzied flourish in and out of her aching clit.

"Then why haven't you stopped me?"

"You're too amazing. You make me feel so good," she gasps, moaning urgently. "I can't…"

"You love it when I don't stop."

"You're right. I love it." She laughs after all and she lets her keep going even if it hurts and she's tired. She's about to come when Luz just suddenly stops. She always does that. Amity groans. "Why did you stop?"

"I want you to beg for it," she challenges. "Since you were so against it just a few seconds ago. What changed your mind?"

"I don't want it." She says, even as her clit screams for more. "I just wish you would listen to me."

"I'm listening," she says and then slowly slips back inside of her wet, slick mess. Amity sucks in a deep breath, letting out a desperate cry. "I think you want me to keep going."

"I don't. I want to stop."

"If you really want to stop, then do something." She laughs knowingly as Amity grinds on her hand still, kisses her neck softly. "If you really don't want this, then stop me."

"I can't. You're making it so hard. Why do you always do this to me?" She whimpers, hissing as her fingers hit her in all the right spots, the aching spots and the sore spots. "Why do you always make me choose?"

"It's all up to you, Blight." She says, easy breezy, another little kiss up her neck. Amity hates those kisses. Each one makes her feel worse, like this really isn't her choice. She doesn't really have control here like Luz says she does. It's not a fight anymore. "You love this."

"You love torturing me."

"You're right," she says and wow, it sounds weird hearing it from Luz this time. She's so used to being the one to say it. It feels good to be right about something, even if she already knows what Luz is after. "I love seeing you so helpless all the time."

She really is helpless. Amity could have easily pulled herself away and told Luz to leave but... she doesn't want to. She can't. She likes it. She loves how bad this is. This is so bad and wrong and terrible for her but that's why she likes it, she loves how Luz doesn't listen, the frustrating arousal that comes with it. She finally has a cheap orgasm over her two fingers and that stupid thought. It's not like it was the best one she's had neither the worst but it's just... stupid and she hates that Luz got another cheap laugh out of her. What's it all for?

Luz pulls her hand out of her dress and wipes her fingers off on her own shirt. "Looks like you enjoyed that. I don't think you wanted me to stop." She says quietly and Amity can just feel her stupid grin. "You just don't know what you want."

Amity stares blankly at the wall, there's anger and affection bubbling up inside her. She wants to knock her teeth out but also turn over and make out with her for the rest of the night. "You okay?" She asks, another one of those condescending kisses on her neck.

Amity sniffs, a few tears roll down onto the bed as she starts to cry again. Luz wraps her arms around her again and pulls her close, soft lips brushing her shoulder. "Aww. What's wrong?"

"You never listen to me." She whispers. "I just wish you'd listen to me."

Luz pauses but stays quiet. "But you kept going. And I told you to stop."

"You wanted me to keep going."

Well. Did she? Maybe she did. She doesn't know! Her body wanted it but Amity didn't. "But I told you to stop."

"Why does this bother you now? You always tell me to stop."

She's right. She always does that. But she never actually means it, does she? Amity doesn't know what she means or what she meant or what she wants. This is all her fault. "I'm sorry." She whispers, trembling.

"It's okay. I want you to stop me next time, okay?" She hugs her and despite how terrible she feels it's still comforting. Maybe she does love her.

After a while, she asks weakly, "Do you want to watch a movie?"


Amity needed to get away. It was the holiday weekend and she was off of work until Tuesday. So she invited herself to her sibling's place, a condo they shared in the next state over. You could make it there in a day's drive with minimal stops but goodness knew that Amity is too unstable to drive anything farther than the local grocery store. So on Friday they came down to get her and they all drove back up together.

They made her feel normal, being with people she knew and loved. The fact that they loved and cared about her in return took her breath away, she almost wanted to cry over how great it feels to know that you're wanted. They didn't want anything from her. They didn't take anything from her. They only wanted her. And she loves them.

And she tried not to think about Luz. But she couldn't help but think about how much she loves her. Even if the relationship is incredibly bad and unfulfilling and all of these horrible things, she misses her and craves her touch. She wants her so badly.

By the end of the first night, Amity regretted leaving. She wishes she was in her bed naked with her, crying or feeling content she didn't care. She hadn't been kissed or touched all day and her body was feeling it. Or, not feeling it. She feels stuffy and wound up in the big empty guest room bed.

She tosses and turns, hugs a pillow to her chest and pretends...pretends she's with her. This is exactly the reason she took this trip. She needs this time to think. About how she feels and what she wants without having any distractions in the way. All of her decisions must be made from an unbiased perspective and not made in the heat of the moment.

Amity would do some crazy things in the heat of the moment. She doesn't trust herself sometimes. In the heat of the moment, she would marry Luz if she asked, even if that's really bad and not at all what she needs right now, she'd do it because Luz makes her like that. She makes her so helpless. She doesn't want anything but her.

She thinks she's going to end it. She needs to end it.

Laying here by herself, hugging this pillow like an idiot who's so desperately in love with someone who just doesn't feel the same. Someone who uses her body and hurts her and tortures her and makes her cry. It's a little funny thinking about it all in hindsight. She sheds a tear, laughs quietly to herself. She loves her so much. She doesn't care if it's bad.

She wants to be with her. All the time. She doesn't care. No matter how many times she's pushed her away, she comes back and every time she gets hurt once again. Luz is clear in what she wants so why can't Amity be? If she loves her then she shouldn't give up, right? If she wants something...then she should take it.

She wants Luz more than anything. More than her career and more than getting accepted into the prestigious colleges she applied to. More than her life. More than anything. Even if it hurt, she still wanted it. Because she couldn't deny the way she makes her feel. It feels so good and she wants it. More than anything. She could make it work. They could make it work.

They could try.

Maybe she was getting her hopes up a little bit too high. It's never what she expects with Luz. But she wants her right now and she isn't giving up. She thinks about packing up and calling a ride to take her back to town. Then she'd bang on her door and confess her love and that even if the road is rough she still wants to try.

But she thinks this time away is good for her and for them. Maybe Luz would realize something about herself during this time too. She hopes. Amity groans, rolling onto her back and she stares up at the ceiling. This is the longest they've been apart in a while.

She wonders if Luz misses her. She hasn't gotten one text.

This relationship is dead weight on her back. She knows it and still she couldn't care less. Flipping over, she grabs her phone and rushes to text her.


Amity's pulling her bra strap back up her shoulder when her older brother knocks on the bathroom door. "You okay in there, Mittens?" He asks, sounding slightly uneasy and awkward. He probably knows exactly what's going on, doesn't he? "It's been an hour."

She silently curses to herself, quickly pulling her clothes back on and making herself face him. She hurriedly unlocks the door and she meets his confused glare. "I'm fine. Why can't you just let me finish my makeup in peace?"

He glanced behind her at the counter. She has her makeup bag and its foreign contents splayed out messily around the sink and her phone is to the far right, away from the chaos. He raised an eyebrow but remained oblivious, at least she hoped. "My bad. Well, Em says to hurry up or we're gonna miss the tour."

"Got it. Will do." She says and slams the door in his face, leaning back against it. She can't believe she's doing this.


Luz wakes up early that morning to get ready before work. The first thing she doesn't do is check her phone so when she's walking out the door and her phone comes on, her lock screen has a single message from Amity🐇 that says one attachment, she gets a little bit more than a good night text.

She doesn't want to think about her right now. She has a long day and she really doesn't need any distractions because despite her love for torturing Amity, she does take her job seriously. She'd look at it in the break room during downtime.

She never did. She stumbles into her room at eleven thirty at night and it's only when she gets another text from her that she remembers to check. When she opens the text, what greets her is a picture of Amity's naked body in all of its glory. It's a mirror selfie. She has her tongue sticking out and she has an arm across her chest to cover her nipples.

Luz is confused for a split second and then, oh. She's suddenly incredibly into it. Something at the back of her head says, this is weird and bad and wrong but she's had a long day and…

Hi❤️ another text pops up from her.

I'm a little conflicted about the pics👀

Don't worry about it. I miss you❤️I wanted to give you something so you won't miss me as much

Dammit. She's such a fool. She wishes Amity would just leave her alone. You look good 😌 I can't wait for you to get back

She takes a long time to reply. Baby😍me too. Why didn't you text me?

Luz pauses. I lost my charger and didn't find til after work

Okay.

Have a fun day?

No. It's miserable without you

How so?

I want you…

Like how? 😳

She doesn't reply for a while but eventually a video pops up. She's hesitant to play it at first because she knows exactly what this is. Amity fills the screen, she's laying in a bed in a dark room, she pulls her skimpy camisole down her shoulder and her chest is suddenly bare. She slowly traces around her nipple, pinching it. She moans quietly and you can just barely make her face out at the top of the frame and she bites her lip before the video abruptly ends. What else are you doing with that hand, Luz types to the best of her ability with one hand.

Thinking about naughty things😽you touching me

I'll touch you all day when you get back

Good. I was hoping we'd do more than touching though.

You want me to bruise your pretty pink lips 😜

I want you to hurt me

I can do that.


On Monday evening around seven, Luz pulls up in front of the house. Amity's heart leaps, she goes over her speech in her head, the one about loving her so much that she feels weak. About how she's willing to try.

She rushes outside, knocks gently on the window and she sees Luz fumble with the lock. She opens the door and climbs in and— wow she missed her so much. What does she say? You're so beautiful, I love you so much, let's have sex right now and also I want to get married— ? "Hi," she says for lack of a better word. It comes out sounding breathless and desperate and it definitely gets the point across that, wow, she really, really wants her. Nailed it.

Luz gives her a look, that grin that makes her feel like melting. "Hey," she says right back and Amity clutches at her thigh to soothe the ache just a little bit. She just needed to wait. Be patient.

Just then, Ed and Em come out of the house lugging Amity's two gigantic suitcases. She almost feels bad but she's too distracted. The suspense is killing her. What's Luz got to say? She hopes it's romantic and sweet and everything she's ever hoped for. She knows she's giving her too much credit but she can't help herself. Everything she's thought about had led up to this moment. She would just have to be patient. She wants her so bad. "Mittens!" Emira calls, a strain in her voice as she pulls the suitcase down the driveway. "Where do you want this?"

Amity looks at Luz and she becomes speechless again. She's prettier than she remembers. She looks exceptionally soft and huggable today in her gray sweatshirt. She must have just gotten out of work. Luz raises her eyebrows teasingly and it makes her want to crawl in her lap right now and just kiss her for hours.

Oh, right, suitcases. She shakes her head feverishly to regain her composure, her eyes begging the question. Luz leans over her to yell out the window, and her soft body presses slightly against hers and— is she trying to give her a heart attack? "You can just put it in the back!"

"Okay," Em calls back sounding a bit unsure. They eventually make it to the back and Ed helps her load the first suitcase into the trunk. Amity feels really terrible now. She should probably go out there and help. But she won't. She glances back at Luz again, bites her lip anxiously. They just stare at each other like idiots until a knock on the window interrupts them.

Amity whips her head around to meet her sister's confused glare. "Hello…" she waves at Luz and she waves back, completely unamused. "So. Who's this, Mittens?"

"Uh. This? This is, uh," She trails off, stammering for the right words. Her mouth opens and closes a few times before she finally comes up with an answer. The correct answer. "This is my coworker."

"Coworker? Hm." Em pulls her phone out of her pocket, glancing suspiciously at Luz again. "What have you worked on?"

"Uh, the Disney Channel," she shrugs, an embarrassed but smug smile on her face. "They kind of just recycle me."

" Disney Channel . That's all?" She raises an eyebrow, completely unimpressed.

"Yep," Luz yawns and she stretches her arms over her head, making a show of it. Drops her hands back on the wheel. "I'm up and coming, you know?" She winks at Em. Amity feels something terrible boil up inside of her. Is she hitting on my sister? Her jaw drops and she gives Luz a dirty glare.

"Name?" Emira asks, still unfazed.

"Luz Noceda, ma'am," she answers dutifully, almost mockingly.

Em types something quickly into her phone. Glances back up at her. She leans her head in the window. "License?"

"Up to date."

"Tags?"

"Current."

Em types something else into her phone. Then she stands up, discreetly handing it to Edric who's standing beside her having loaded the trunk. "License plate," she tells him and he takes the phone, walking around to the back of the car again. Luz's eyes widen incredulously.

"Damn. What, do you think I'm gonna kill her or something?"

"I'm just looking out for my little sister." She says sternly. Amity groans, dropping her head in her hands. She's so embarrassed. Ed comes back and she examines the photo closely before exchanging a look with Luz. "Text us when you get home alright, Mittens?"

"Yes!" She forces a big fake smile. "Okay! Thank you! I love you guys! Bye!" She reaches to roll up the window and she waves at them. "Go, go!" She tells Luz and she quickly steps on it. They leave Ed and Em standing on the curb, they get smaller and smaller as they get as far away as possible. Amity sighs, dropping her head back against the headrest. Who do they think they are? Do they not trust her?

"Damn. Are all Blights just attractive maniacs?" Luz asks. "I thought I was gonna have to show her my boobs!"

"Okay, that's...horrifying. Stop being weird about my sister."

"Hey," she raises a hand in defense. "She's hot. Just saying. I don't make the rules." Amity's mouth falls open again but she stays quiet. "Don't be jealous, Blight," she teases.

The ride back is long and torturous. She doesn't know what to say or if she should just stay quiet. She only wants one thing. She can't focus on anything else. It's been such a long three days without anything and she's starting to go crazy. She watches her hands, steady on the wheel. She wants her to hold her like that. She wants those hands on her, inside of her. She wants her and nothing else for the next week or two.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder. It's true.

They tumble into Amity's apartment around one in the morning after having visited the local bar. They didn't drink that much.

They left her suitcases in the car because well, that could wait. The ache in her chest couldn't. As soon as they get in, Luz pulls her close and they just stare at each other for a long moment. They're so close and this is her girlfriend and she's missed her so much and—Luz leans in and kisses her...cheek.

Then she pulls away to kiss her other cheek. "What are you doing?" Amity asks, just barely above a confused whisper.

"Building the tension," she says smugly, brushes their lips together but kisses her chin.

"I would kill you if I weren't so beside myself." She groans and kisses Luz herself. They kiss deep and passionately, it's so great. It feels like the very first time they kissed, electrifying and heavy with unresolved tension and feelings. They stumble into the room, against her bed that now has a frame and headboard. Yay. Go Amity.

"Let's do it right now," she says urgently. "I've been waiting for this."

"Be patient," she tells her, not for the first time today. Amity whines, tilting her head back as Luz kisses down her neck. She's so crazy for her.

"I saved myself." She says quietly.

"Good girl," she says and wow is it gratifying. She never knew until this moment that she needed to hear that. It winds her up past the breaking point. She bites her lip feeling very degraded all of the sudden as Luz pets her head like she's a dog or something.

"What about you? Did you save yourself for me?" She asks anxiously, fighting back a little grin when Luz pauses.

"Not with those videos you were sending me…" she says quietly, almost sounding embarrassed.

"Did you touch yourself to my videos, Noceda?" She asks, starstruck, her heart aching from the excitement of that thought. It's almost endearing, thinking about it. She missed her enough to actually do that.

"Hell yeah. It was really sexy, okay?"

Amity giggles, feeling the little kisses coming back up her neck. She holds the back of her head for dear life as she simmers in her own sweet, shameful arousal. "Did you miss me?"

"More than anything."

"Wow," she gasps at the unexpected nip at her collarbone. "What did you do while I was gone?"

"Nothing. I don't have anything to do outside of you."

Amity lets out an elated giggle. "I'm your only hobby?"

"Mhm," she hums playfully and she gives Amity a deep kiss. She moans blissfully into it, so helplessly in love with this person who doesn't love her back. She thinks maybe they're in love right now. She can tell by the way she's holding her and kissing her.

Still , she doesn't care. She's never wanted something more in her entire life than this. She needs it right now. She takes Luz's face into her hands, gives her a quick peck. "Well I'm here now. Don't hold back, okay?"

Luz leans in again and bites her lip so hard that Amity thinks it might bleed. It's warm and pulses with pain. "I won't." She assures her and it makes Amity shiver. "Take off your clothes."

Amity peels herself away from another deep kiss and sits down on the bed, trying to get everything off in one frenzied motion when she gets an idea. As she slips out of her underwear, she bites her lip before saying with faux assertiveness, "You take your clothes off too."

Luz pauses. "Please?" she asks a little less confidently. After a moment, she groans and begrudgingly pulls her shirt off. Amity freezes up with shock. Well that was surprisingly easy. Her heart races at the sight of Luz in just her plain white bra. She almost wants to laugh, she really doesn't even need to wear a bra anyways. She steps out of her pants, giving Amity a bored look. "Underwear too." She says with her newfound authority.

Much to her annoyance, she doesn't listen. Amity scoots back on the bed, laying back but propped up on her arms and she looks at Luz expectantly. "Come here." She motions with her finger.

"You don't get to tell me what to do." Luz says, crawling over her. She holds herself over her with her arms on either side of Amity's hips and they stare at each other with a strange charge of tension before Amity gives her a sweet kiss and she feels Luz's resolve melt. As they kiss, she gently traces her shoulder and discreetly dances around her bra strap. She slowly slips it down her shoulder but Luz moans in protest and pulls away. "Stop it, Blight."

"Why don't you ever get naked with me?" She asks, sounding a little sad. "We're both having sex. Not just me."

"I don't…" she sighs, pulling her into another kiss. She reaches down and strokes Amity's clit and she moans, clutching onto her shoulder. But she knows exactly what she's trying to pull. She reaches down to stop her.

"Wait, babe." She whispers and pulls her into a hug. "Talk to me. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. I just want to make you feel good." She says and Amity wants to just melt under her. She loves her so much. This is why she won't give up. She keeps giving her hope. "Can you let me do that?"

Amity gives her a deep kiss, one that says I love you and you're my everything. She wants this girl more than anything else. "Only if you let me make you feel good too."

"Fine."

"Good girl," Amity says, grinning. They make out and she feels like she wants to just do this forever. She could stay like this and kiss her lips all day long and not get tired of it. She loves her so much, she just wishes she'd let her. "Can I take this off, my love?" She asks sweetly, slipping a finger under her bra strap again. Luz nods, pulling away from the kiss to help take it off.

It falls off but Amity doesn't draw any attention to it. She knows she's nervous but Amity is needy and she wants this. She wants to feel her in a way she never has before. She takes the bra as they kiss and she tosses it away, out of sight and out of mind for the rest of the night, she hopes. She pulls her close and their bodies pressed together in a delightful sensation of skin to skin she's been starved of ever since this relationship started. She feels so amazing and warm and soft and Amity only wants to hear the moans and sounds she makes when they touch. She rarely gets to make her shiver and squeak.

Their chests brush together and Amity gasps at the sweet feeling of it. Goodness, she loves her so damn much. She falls back in shock and Luz falls on top of her which makes their chests press flush together in the most delicious way. It almost hurts.

Then Luz takes control again, dammit. She can't do much about it anyways. She trails soft kisses down her neck and Amity clutches at her hair, she's already breathing heavily at something so small. They've done worse. And still she's so weak for her. "Babe. Love you," Amity says quietly and makes a little noise that makes Luz laugh. Then she goes lower, runs her tongue quickly over her nipple and she shudders, arching her back and pressing softly against Luz.

"Does that feel good?" She asks teasingly, swirling her tongue around and Amity writhes under it. This is a new kind of torture. Luz has never done this before. She's never bothered with this before but she supposed the videos gave her a little bit of inspiration. She isn't complaining. It sends short shocks and waves of teasing pleasure between her legs, she slowly rolls her hips against each current.

"Yes...I love it. I love you. Keep going." She gasps softly at the way she brings her hand down to caress her small breast and squeezes it. She drives Amity wild. This is romantic, right? She can't help but take this the wrong way even if it's painstakingly clear. She doesn't know. But does she really need to when this feels so good and she's so helpless and she doesn't want anything but this?

"I love the noises you make," she gives her chest an affectionate kiss, then drags her tongue back down to bother her other breast. "It makes me want to hurt you more."

"You're going to hurt me?" She manages to ask through her gasps for air, every little lick and and bite takes her breath away. She wishes this were real. That's all she wants.

She clutches for Luz everywhere, her hair, her arms, her face, her shoulder, her hand slips down as she pleasures her without abandon. Nowhere can keep her down, make her feel stable as she takes it all, this new teasing pleasure. She wants it so bad. She needs this. "Are you turned on?" Luz asks playfully.

"Yes. I want everything."

"I know. Because you're such a good girl... you can take anything I give you." She walks her fingers down her stomach and Amity whines desperately. "Do you think you can take it?"

"I can take it. Anything for you, I love you," she says and it tumbles out in a horny word vomit, her mind is only focused on her hand, slowly slipping down to where she really needs it to be. She's never been so wound up before, it's crazy. Luz reaches one finger down and fingers the top of her clit, rubbing a tight, teasing circle over its wet, slick mess. Amity rocks into the touch, basks in the torment of it. " Fuck. Babe, don't stop. Please give it to me."

"I'll give it to you," she says and gives the rest of her an affectionate pat, teasingly splaying her hand on top of her dripping wet clit. "But you need to be patient. Okay?"

"I'll be patient. Whatever you want." She says obediently. "Let me have this."

"Control yourself. Can you do that?"

"I can do it." She whispers. She's never wanted anything more and she definitely can't control herself for it. "Give it to me."

She gets an extremely aggressive fingering, deep inside and teasing strokes. It all sends her to the moon and fireworks burst in her head and she thinks, yeah, she wants this. She wants this girl to be hers .

Before she comes, she stops Luz and says, "I want to come on your mouth." And in a frenzied motion of clammy nakedness, they end up like this with her head between her legs and it doesn't take Amity much of anything to come to her soft strokes of her tongue. She's so weak and tired and in love. She thinks she'll propose to Luz after this.

And she somehow managed to score a real one because she ends up between her legs and...wow. Amity's suddenly nervous, she's never done the tongue thing before. But she's determined to please her future wife because she loves her so much and all she wants is to be with her. She can't get close enough.

She gives her a hesitant lick, gets the first taste of her sweet, terrible girlfriend. Luz shudders and arches her back, grabbing for Amity's just-fucked minty green hair. She laughs, happy to know she's not the one who's totally a losing fight to oral sex.

She goes for another quick lick, then another and then another. This is amazing. She should really do this more often. She wants Luz to suffer and writhe under her for once. She swirls her tongue, folds it in and goes deep inside of her aching clit as Luz grinds away to her desperate advances. I love you! Can you please love me back?! Is what she's trying to say with her tongue and then she gets distracted by her girlfriend's whiny moans and yelps. It's so endearing and sexy that Amity doesn't know what to do.

"Amity…" Luz squeaks out and she strokes her hair lovingly.

"What's wrong my love? Are you about to come?" Amity stops to ask sweetly and she slips two fingers inside of her because she knows it feels torturous and she wants Luz to feel every last bit of her loving aggression. Luz moans and nods. "Go ahead. Come all over my face," she says, teasingly desperate.

"Shut up," Luz bites back despite her major disadvantage here.

"I want you to come for me, okay?" She fingers her affectionately, dips her fingers deep inside of her warm, soft pink walls. She goes as deep as she can get and ignores Luz's screams of pain because Amity's endured worse, hasn't she? She deserves this tiny bit of pain to put her in her place. She wants to make Luz struggle to walk in a straight line. She wants to disorient her thoughts and make normal everyday tasks a hassle because all she can think about is how sore her clit is all day. She deserves that.

" Fuck. Amity, don't stop. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes," she groans and gasps and jerks her hips and she suffers the wrath of Amity's intense and burning love for her. She hopes this is good enough. She doesn't stop and in fact she goes harder, even after she tastes her girlfriend's sweet sticky come. Luz has to physically shove her away because if she didn't then Amity would keep going. She loses control of herself sometimes.

They're laying together, basking in the afterglow when Amity decides to spill her guts out. She's had a hard enough time trying to keep it in and she just loves Luz so much that she can't help herself when she says, "You're my one and only love," she laughs, a bit hysterical. "I only want you."

"Love you too, hermosa, " Luz says back weakly, still winded from Amity's amazing job, she assumes with great pride. She gives her a soft and affectionate little kiss on the lips and she feels like the luckiest girl in the world. Luz definitely loves her.

"I don't know if you want this...but I do. You're my life. I want you to love me too but even if you don't want me...can you let me love you?" She bites her lip anxiously.

They makeout feverishly and Amity soaks it up with her sponge heart. This is why she gets hurt so much. Suddenly, Luz pulls away and pushes her face away but Amity in her lovesick desperacy, she gives her hand a sloppy but sincere little kiss. "What's wrong, my love?" She reaches up to cup her annoyed face.

"I don't want you to think this is…" she pulls her hand away from her face. Amity's heart shatters in a single moment and she blinks. "Let's clear a few things up, yeah?" Luz groans exasperatedly. "We aren't dating," she ticks off a finger. "Got that?"

Amity nods, swallowing down her tears. It's a brutal effort to look into her eyes as she confirms all of her greatest fears. And as if to confuse her further, she takes a teasing kiss before going on. Amity is so confused that she wants to cry but she keeps a straight face and takes a deep breath. She hates her. And yet even after everything, she can't help the tingle between her legs.

"And I don't love you." She says. "Got that?"

"Understood." Amity nods obediently, looks away as tears cloud her eyes. They spill out and Luz sighs, reaching up to gently wipe them away. She pulls her into a hug, burying her face in her neck.

"Don't cry. Please?" She whispers. "Talk to me."

"I feel like shit." She sniffles, still gently stroking her hair as if she's not crying and boiling with anger and regret. "I just don't understand."

"What?"

"Why do you keep coming back? Why do you keep telling me you want me if you really don't? What is the point?" She asks, desperate for answers. "What do you get out of this?"

"You, in pain," she says and chuckles darkly. "You're such a fucking idiot."

"I am an idiot," Amity laughs along at her own misery, pulling Luz in closer.

It's quiet for a little while. " You asked me to be your girlfriend."

"Amity." She groans again and bites her on her shoulder. "If you really want, I'll fuck you for two more months. It really doesn't matter to me."

"Nothing matters to you."

She doesn't have enough energy left in her to cry anymore.

The silence is lazy and affectionate, Amity rests her chin on Luz's head. Even after everything she still feels possessive and strongly about her, even if she feels like garbage. Her crotch is tingling, happily and tired after a good and thorough fucking. She wasn't going to argue with her about that. It felt amazing.

This is her person. Her girl. She finally has her, she's finally got her under control, holding her close. She never wants to let go. "Don't treat anyone else like you treat me, okay?" She says quietly but stern as she gently strokes her hair. "It's not right."

"Yeah well, you seem to like it." She says sarcastically and Amity could just feel her eye roll.

"I like it...but others won't. It's terrible and bad but I like it because there's something wrong with me." She gives her a soft kiss on the forehead, being incredibly in control gives her the best feeling. Almost like she wants to torture her a bit. That would be new and exciting.

"There's something wrong with me too." She admits quietly after a moment. Amity loves that, hearing her accept something like this for once. Having her be so open is a side she never really got to see from Luz. It's almost endearing to her. She can't believe how everyday, she never fails to find something else about her that she loves. She doesn't want anything else to hold her back. "I'm sorry…" she whispers.

"It's okay, my love. I don't care. I'm happy you apologized."

Luz pulls her tighter as if she can't get close enough. She wants to feel her close, she wants to be hers. But she really, really shouldn't. It's moments like these when she thinks everything's okay, and the things she's endured are worth it, all for this. But it's not and she knows it. "You know...even if you've never meant it, I think that... in your own sick and twisted way, you do love me." Amity says.

"What makes you think that, princess?"

"You love my body," she grins knowingly, teasingly presses herself closer, rocking her hips sensually against her. "But I am curious. What is it that you love so much about it?"

Luz sighs and runs her hand along her bare skin, finally resting on her bottom. Amity shivers under it. She wishes she'd do something with it...she's such a tease. "You're so beautiful. I wish I looked like you."

"Are you jealous, Noceda?"

"Of course," she sighs again and closes her eyes. "How can I not be?"

"You don't need to be. I'm yours, remember?"

"I know."