Amity Noceda was shaking with excitement. In twenty minutes, the love of her life would be returning home to her. She had been gone out of state for work. It's been something short of a month, and Amity was starting to get antsy.

The first day was just pure, hellish withdrawals. The pain of the previous night's passionate lovemaking endeavors hadn't helped to soften the blow, only making her ache for more. She thought that if they went out strong, she'd be okay for at least a week. But it's hurting more than ever.

She realized that outside of work and Luz, she didn't have anything else to do. She had no hobbies, and trying to figure out something you're good at is frustrating in and of itself, especially this far into her life. She had nothing else to busy her mind with, nothing to do with her hands. She felt miserable.

She found herself wanting to reach down between her legs and take herself out of it for a little while. It's like Luz was controlling her, even then from hundreds of miles away. And that was certainly… something. Even if she was, and liked to be an object just for Luz, she wasn't completely out of her mind.

She wanted to try and take back some of her life, at least until Luz got back. She tried not to let lust and arousal control her everyday thoughts. It was easier said than done. But it's simply mind over matter, and without Luz she could just continue on as normal.

She did not touch herself for the entirety of her wife's absence, but merely the thought of seeing her again tonight had her panties damp, her clit pulsing with excitement.

Sigh.

She had spent her long, lonely days as a married woman just dreaming about her wife. She had to try something to get by, and consider the term 'touch herself' loosely because she had to at least comfort herself. No cheating, though. No orgasming allowed until Luzy got back.

It was fun to imagine though, her beautiful voice low and sensual and hot in her ear, kissing slowly up her neck. Playing her from behind, groping and deeply massaging her breasts just the way she likes, thumbs gently circling her nipples. Her body pressed close up against hers, Amity rocking her hips against it to cope with the intense pleasures of married life.

She was practically bursting at the seams.

And the thought that her intricate fantasies would be coming to life very soon, sooner than she thinks, it has her so pent up that she could explode.

That is when Luz Noceda (her wife!) finally does walk through the door of their shared apartment, Amity finds herself at a loss for words, because her longing really was worse than she initially thought. It really was world shattering, because seeing her again right now really was invigorating, refreshing, and everything she could have ever hoped for.

"Hey," Luz beams, pulling her luggage into the kitchen where Amity stood star stricken. She lets another carry-on bag slip off her shoulder onto the ground before she approaches her wife. "Everything… okay?" she asks slowly.

Amity's bottom lip quivers, and she still cannot speak actual words right now. It's all okay, because Luz pulls her in around the hips, and they press together like they always did once again, and it's just like nothing ever happened. They pick up right where they left off, because they were meant to be, and the stars aligned perfectly for them to be together, forever.

First, Amity lets herself melt under her strong embrace, digging her face into her neck, taking in her scent, feeling her warmth, and melding into one being with her. They're on their own planet now, just the two of them in this apartment, all alone together. And there's never a dull moment when it's them, because every look, every touch is fueled by pure, unbroken love.

"I missed you," Amity breathes, reminding herself to stay grounded, stay sane. She pulls back to find her wife's lips, and they finally, finally tangle up in the most perfect, romantic, passionate kiss that Amity's ever even dreamed of. She can't express with words how over the moon she is about feeling Luz's hand running through her hair again, can't describe how swooned she feels about having her lips against hers, working so desperately to convey what words can't.

She can't believe the urgent need she has once again to be objectified by her, the carnal ache in her core at the feeling of Luz holding her tightly around the hips, each finger splayed hotly on her with deep possession, pulling her closer, Amity's need to arch under her kiss, competing with futility in the stupid battle for dominance that their tongues swirl sweetly.

Her need to feel utilized, put to her very use, deemed useful as a plaything only for Luz to get her weird fantasies out onto paper, out of her system. Amity wants to be that for her. She wants to help. To feel needed.

Luz pulls away trying to hide the fact that she was gasping for air, because she doesn't want to seem outdone by a little bitch like Amity. But she's got a month's worth of pent up energy, and she can go for the rest of the night if Luz wants to. "Dios mío…"

Amity giggles seductively, burying her face into her chest with a smile on her face. She traces her index finger slowly down her chest, placing a small kiss on her neck. "Welcome home," she whispers softly.

Luz lets out a comforted sigh, stroking her head. "Thanks, wife. I'm glad to be back."

Amity delights at the name, a rush of excitement tingling up her arms. "How was the trip?" she asks absentmindedly, working one hand to unzip the front of Luz's jacket, ready to start their evening of reunion lovemaking.

"Woah, woah," Luz playfully pushes her off, a teasing smile on her face. Amity falters at the sight of it, her heart racing. "You aren't being very subtle, are you?"

"Do I need to be?" She raises an eyebrow. "I mean, … I always like to be transparent about my intentions with you."

Luz's mouth slightly falls open, and Amity grins. Confident to continue her seduction, she kisses her neck slowly down to her collar. "I'm glad you're back, too."

"That's very on the nose."

"Isn't it?" she giggles. "I've been waiting for you, so patiently. Like a good wife."

"You are a good wife. How can I show you that in an effective way, though?"

Amity moans softly, trying so hard to get her way with her wife. She nips at her collarbone, then experimentally drags her tongue up to her neck again. "Can we head to the bedroom?"

"Yeah, let's go there now," she hesitates. "Can I carry you?"

"Yes," she breathes out, wrapping her arms around her neck and letting herself be effortlessly lifted under her knees. She sighs dreamily, nuzzling her face in the warmth of Luz's neck as she's carried bridal style into their bedroom. "I love you."

"And I love you. You know...I missed you a lot, hermosa." she says sweetly, setting her down gently on the edge of the bed. Amity huffs, melting into the warm kiss Luz pushes her into. It's intoxicating and the meaning of her life, the moment she'd been waiting for for so long.

Luz runs her hand up the back of her neck, into her soft green hair. "I've been waiting for this," she breathes heavily, feeling Luz kiss her on the chin, then down slowly to her neck as her hand cradles the back of her head. "I love you."

"I love you too." she says quietly. "I promise."

It's silent for a blissful, romantic moment as they kiss, becoming familiar with the way they feel again, getting so hot, longing for something so close. Amity moans contentedly, holding tightly onto her wife, her mouth falling open at the nip on her collarbone. It's like they're slowly unraveling, going slow to savor every little moment.

...That Amity has so many little things she wants to say. All of them are to the same effect, and she wouldn't want to annoy her wife with her raging feelings. But it comes out anyway, in a breathy whisper. "I saved myself for you, baby."

Luz pauses, her warm lips still pressed to Amity's skin. "Really? This whole time?"

Amity nods, biting her lip.

She pulls back to glare at her. "It's been a month," she gawks.

"I… I know,"

Luz kisses the corner of her mouth softly. "I didn't know. I didn't—...you should have told me—…"

"No, no. It's okay. I don't care if you touched yourself." she gives her a comforting kiss. "It's something I wanted to do to practice my self control. I… I wanted to be better about…" she trails off, as Luz trails down again. "About that."

"I see." she whispers. "You must be burning, huh?" Her hand trails down her chest gently, tenderly cupping her chest. Her index finger drags down between her legs, the inside of her thigh. "You're probably so pent up." she kisses her.

"I—I am. I want it more than anything." she practically cries, grinding the hand between her legs like her life depends on it, her sex tingling and pulsing miserably. "I want you inside of me, please."

"Aw, mi amor. My little bunny. You're so fucking horny, aren't you?" she purrs, holding her wife around her waist. "Are your panties soaked for me?"

"I'm so wet for you," she rocks her hips, rolling and moaning under every touch, taking it all in and trying to feel her wife. "Give it to me."

"What would you do for it?" Luz grins, biting down on her own lip. "What would you do to get fucked right now?"

"Anything."

"Would you get down on the floor and beg me on your knees?"

"Yes, baby. I'd do anything for it."

"Dios mio." she laughs. "You're really turned on."

"I am." she trembles.

"Strip." she says sternly, deliciously and violently pushing her down on the bed. Amity gives in, letting herself be thrown and falling onto the soft sheets. Her body burns with lust as Luz's eyes drink her up."Take everything off."

"Okay, my love. Whatever you want. I'll do anything," she says, not wasting a second and hastily pulling her shirt off over her head, tossing it on the ground. She slips out of her pants next, and Luz watches her sternly after removing her own shirt.

"Didn't I say everything?"

"Yes," Amity moans, rushing to unclip her bra. It falls to the side, leaving her breasts exposed. She can feel Luz watching her pervertedly. Next, she brings her legs up on the bed as she pulls her absolutely ruined panties down her legs, spreading them so that she's on display for her cute wife as she's tossing her underwear away.

"Gooood pet. That's my girl," Luz purrs, stroking a finger down her naked chest, Amity watching and squirming intently as her heart thrills at the thought that her pulsing, wet clit was finally going to be touched by her wife. She arches her back as her finger slowly inches down, trying to press herself against it, but then she stops just as she's about to run a finger over it. Amity whimpers disappointedly, caught on her hook, content to keep going in hopes for more.

"I'm yours, I'm yours, babe. Touch me." she moans, falling into another deep kiss, stroking the back of her wife's arm and tracing it behind her back, running a hand through her hair. "Please," she cries.

"Be patient," she warns, kicking her pants and socks off before crawling over top of Amity, their bodies pressed together. She graciously placed her knee between her legs, letting Amity rut against it needily for a moment, and right as she's nearing the top, about to come, Luz moves her leg to trap her around the hips instead. "Good girl. Are you about to come?"

Amity whines, nodding. "Please. I want you to make me come. It hurts…"

"Aww, okay, my love," she laughs gently, nuzzling into her neck. "Let's get you off. Let me take care of you, okay?"

"Please, I want you. I want this."

Luz trails two fingers slowly down her body again, meeting her sex like electric shock. They firmly circle over her clit, steady and slow and intense. Amity cries, passionately rolling her hips in time with each stroke, panting heavily. "That's right, baby girl. Let it all go. You waited long enough. Let me help you with that," she breathes hotly into her ear. "You're such a good wife. You're so loyal to me. You're so sweet."

"I'm only for you," she whimpers, hanging onto her shoulder, violently jerking her hips against her wife's fingers, feeling them slip slowly inside to press perfectly against her swollen labia, shallow and firm inside of her. She can feel Luz slowly humping her leg, warm and soft against her knee. It's all so much. It's all too much. Everything's burning, but Luz's fingers don't stop working against her sex, still moving in steady, slow circles. "I'm all yours,"

"That's right. You're all mine. I've got you, and I won't stop. I won't stop, ever. You're mine. Fuck, you're mine," Amity hears her abnormal breathing, long, slow breaths and then short, sporadic ones, feeling her hips rolling steadily against her, angling herself to press her clit just right. She feels her mouth against the side of her neck, feels her biting her own lip. It's too fucking much.

"You're driving me crazy, fuck," Amity swears, no longer focused on anything else but getting herself off. It's too much happening, so many things she should care about, like the little whines coming from Luz close to her ear, her humping becoming rough and jerky, her index and middle finger swirling in a jarringly fast paced circle over the perfect spot in the center of her sex, right over the entrance. "Don't stop, please," she urgently brings a hand up the back of Luz's neck, grabbing for her hair. "I'm about to come, please, please,"

Luz laughs bitterly, out of breath. "Do it. Come for me. Come now, please. Come now, Amity,"

"Please," she cries loudly, arching her back, pressing Luz's fingers deeper, pressing their bodies closer. "Luz, p—please," she tugs her hair, orgasming violently, her sex burning in hot flames for Luz's fingers still working on her, even after it's useless. She squirts a little bit, her come sticky on her wife's hand. She rocks into her fingers, greedily riding it out and releasing a month's worth of her sweet love, all those nights she spent alone lusting for her wife, imagining her, dreaming about her, fantasizing about her tongue, her hands, finally having her and letting everything go, all for her.

Luz finally moves her hand away from her sex, gliding her slick fingers along Amity's body. "Good girl. Good job, princess. You're so perfect." she says comfortingly, mindlessly, the both of them exhausted. "I always liked you better naked."

"Only for you," she sighs, trying to catch her breath. She wants to cling onto her wife for the next hour, holding her tight and feeling her body close. But she is forced to release her right grip on her hair when Luz pulls back, holding herself up over Amity. They stare at each other for a moment. Then Luz leans down and gives her a long, playful kiss, pulling away with a little sigh. "Luz," she bites her lip, calling her name like she had so many times before. What she gets in return is that pretty lopsided grin she loves so much, and it makes her insides twist pleasantly. It makes her ovaries scream.

"Yeah?"

Amity's mouth falls open, and she finds herself speechless at the sight of her beloved. That orgasm had been so strong, so powerful that she felt instantly relieved, her mind clear to think again. She chews on her lip, uncoiling like a spring underneath her.

But now they're just people, two wives. Naked and exhausted and in love. She likes her Luzy naked. She likes being with her like this. She takes a moment to feel her, giving up on trying to speak. She runs a hand along her extended arm that keeps her elevated over top of Amity. She takes her in, feels her skin, warm and real and right.

"I… missed you. So much." she tells her, choking.

"I missed you too, Amity." she tilts her head, her voice smooth but low and comforting. It helps only slightly the empty void in her chest. "I'm sorry I left you."

"It's not your fault, babe. You had to work." She pulls her wife closer from the back of her neck, rubbing their lips together. She giggles elatedly, kissing her deeply. "I'm glad you came back to me."

"Of course. You're my favorite." Luz laughs. "You know I can't live without you."

"And I can't live without you." she lightly taps her nose, pinching it between her fingers when she decides that she loves Luz's nose. "I'm ready to go again," she wraps her legs around her wife's waist, traces a lazy hand down her back until she feels the scratchy fabric of Luz's bra. It makes her slightly upset that it's still on, so she says quietly, "Can we take this off?"

"Oh. Yeah," she shrugs casually, reaching around to unclip it and throwing it away, somewhere that Amity didn't care. She lovingly takes one of her breasts into her hand, pressing her thumb into her nipple and moaning when Luz bites her lip.

"You like this?" she asks playfully, doing it again. Luz nods, idly rocking into the touch. "Good. I like it too." she leans up to kiss Luz's neck, traveling down to brush her lips over her other nipple. She tentatively goes over it with a long, slow lick, squeezing the other one in her hand. "It's so hot when you're enjoying yourself, baby."

"Stop that," she grumbles, moaning when Amity quickens the pace, biting down gently on her nipple. "It's embarrassing."

"Don't be embarrassed. You have nothing to hide from me. I'm only here to please you. It's all I want," she giggles lewdly, getting so into it. She always liked the idea of the humiliation kink. "You're beautiful. I just want to see you. I want all of you."

"Sto—op," Luz complains halfheartedly, running a hand through her hair. Amity feels so good, getting horny over the thought of Luz getting off on her.

"That's right, baby girl. Feel it." she smooths her hand over her breast, feeling her cute little nipple against her palm. She grabs it in her hand firmly again, massaging her deeply. "Do you feel me?"

"Ah, y—yeah," she breathes.

"Good, good," she says soothingly. "My wife. You're so sexy. My god, babe. You get me all worked up sometimes."

"Fuck, Amity,"

"I want you, babe. I want it so badly. I ache for it. All I… all I could think about was getting fucked by you, while you were gone. All I wanted was your mouth… on my pussy. All I thought about was your hands, taking everything away from me. Degrading me. Stripping me away. Making me beg for it, all for the sex."

"That's crazy, baby," Luz answers hazily, clutching her wife tighter, rocking her hips. "That's sexy."

"All I want is you. I can't do it again, babe," she flicks her tongue frivolously over her nipple, trying so hard to feel her close. "Don't leave me again."

"I won't… I won't."

"Promise me that. Please."

"I promise. With all my heart, I promise," she says earnestly, even with her breath taken away. It makes Amity all sweaty, how hot it is. She likes the sweet pleasure of Luz's promises, counts down the day til it's broken with no repercussions because it was always empty. She's only just caught up in the moment, and Amity understands that. She understands how it changes you, how it controls you, that Luz is probably thinking how she'd do anything for it, to feel it, to have it.

Amity was greedy. She wasn't shy. She knows what her wife wants, and she's going to give it to her exactly how she likes it. Her Luz is still so warm, and real, and she's here is what's best of all.

She had missed her for so long, and now she had her again exactly the way she imagined. In the greatest way possible. Naked, and needy. So perfect. She would never get tired of this, the faint newness of Luz rocking gently against her, playing into Amity's lewd curiosity and letting her touch, for just this once.

She didn't know when the next time would be, when she would get to touch her again. Her Luz is so secretive with herself, so mysterious all the time. She didn't allow herself the pleasure of vulnerability the way Amity did, so carelessly sometimes.

She guessed that was why she always ended up getting hurt, baring so much of herself that when she was all alone she had nothing left.

She was almost never naked. She always put her clothes back on afterwards, never let Amity idly stroke her chest or kiss her stomach, the mundane things about being intimate. But she was happy to see now that she was slowly opening herself up, finally trusting Amity with herself. And that was the greatest gift of all.

But Luz still tries to hold herself back, even when it's near impossible. Amity doesn't want her to. She wants to hear and feel and taste everything about her. She was just like that with her wife. She was greedy. She wanted her closer.

Amity sticks out her tongue and licks over her nipple again. It's a cute little sensation on her tongue, so intoxicatingly warm that she finds herself going back, and licking again, and again because she just can't get enough. She likes Luz's little cry with each lick, her rocking into the wetness of her mouth. "You know…" she starts off quietly to diffuse the thick air, a playful lick after pinching her nipple between her teeth and lip. "I really do like your breasts, no matter what you say."

She feels Luz's soul leave her body. "Don't be embarrassed," she rushes to say. "I mean it. You know I love you. I love your body for what it is. I appreciate it. You may not, but I think it's perfect. It's so you."

"Amity, ugh," she groans. "You're so cheesy. Stop it."

She takes in a breath, giggling. "I can't help feeling cheesy right now," giving her neck another little kiss, she gently nudges Luz's chest, motioning for her to sit up so she can see her face. "I want you to hear what I'm saying. I love you. That means all of you. I'm tired of you not trusting me."

Luz's expression softens, and she sighs softly. "There's no one I trust more than you," she sweetly brushes Amity's hair away from her face. "...I mean. Trust isn't really a thing with us, is it?"

Amity winces slightly, leaning up to give her a gentle kiss. "It's conditional," she whispers against her lips. Luz hums.

"Right. Glad we could admit that." she laughs. "Do you trust me?"

"With my life." Another deep kiss.

"At your own discretion." she looks away. "I don't want you trusting me."

Amity pauses, thinking confusedly on that. She pulls away to ask teasingly, "Are you planning my murder?"

"No. But how can I promise anything to you…?" she sighs. "How can I promise that I won't break your heart?"

Amity chews anxiously on her lip. Luz is just being honest. To a certain degree, she appreciates that. "And how can I promise that I won't break your heart?" she lifts a hand to intertwine their fingers carefully, kissing her cheek. "I know you gave me your heart."

"Yeah. It's yours," she admits, a little begrudgingly.

"So how do you know we'll be together like this in three years? How can we promise we'll even be together tomorrow?"

"Can't."

"We can't. And… that's scary. But one thing I can always promise, no matter what," she looks at her affectionately. "Is that I'll always love you. I don't know why, or how. No matter how much you've hurt me, it only made me love you more. This'll never go away."

Luz is quiet for a moment. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I love you." she offers a little smile, kissing her hand. "And… I trust you, ...to not break my heart."

"I'm glad we got married," she blurts out stupidly after being briefly speechless. "I need you."

"I need you too," she raises her eyebrows.

"Like, you make me feel like I belong. Like I matter. If it weren't for you, I'd be hopeless," she buries her face in Amity's neck, the soft and warm skin enveloping her senses completely, and it feels like home. She feels Amity's hand slip up the back of her neck and combing through her hair, fingertips scratching a lovely massage in her scalp. "I'd be so… so dead. I'd be a failure. You make me whole." she whispers softly, kissing Amity's neck with little pecks. She lets out an embarrassed little chuckle. "You help me with my taxes."

Amity wants to cry. She does, in fact, let one single tear roll down her face, unbeknownst to Luz. It's just an emotional thunderstorm. "Aw, you're my baby. You'll always be my baby."

"I'm just a baby," she sniffles.

"I think… you love to be needed. You know how much I need you. And that's fine. We… we both have problems." she pauses before continuing. "I think you're struggling with being an adult."

"Yeah, no shit. I still feel like I'm a stupid seventeen year old. I feel like... maybe I haven't had to grow up." she stops, proceeding very quietly. "Nobody told me I was wrong."

Amity blinks.

"You just… let me do all this bad stuff. You were just okay with it." she laughs a little. "You wanted me to."

"I'm… sorry." Amity whispers.

"I'm sorry, too. Fuck. I'm sorry." She sits up slightly over Amity to look her in the eyes. "Look. I know there's nothing I can do to fix the past four years, and I know being in love with you isn't going to just magically wash away everything I did, but please, please… just say you forgive me. Please." she whimpers. "I need it."

"I forgive you," she says without hesitance. "I forgive you for everything. I love you. It's okay."

"It's not okay," she bites her lip. "But if there's anything I can do, just say the word, and…"

Amity holds her face and leans up to kiss her again, passionately and urgently, because it's her acceptance and it's the way she feels and it's all these feelings all at once. Luz moans into her mouth, and Amity feels her warm hand on her face as they fall back down on the bed, sinking deeper and deeper into one another. For a long while, the bedroom is quiet with just the sounds of their kiss as the time drifts by, and finally Luz breaks away softly. "I want you to be my wife," she says breathlessly. "Are you okay with that?"

"I am your wife. Always."

"Good. I'm yours too, forever." she takes her hand and presses a warm kiss on her knuckles. "Do you want to meet my mom? Make it official?"

Amity's heart skips a beat, surprised by the suddenness of the question. "Yes,"

"Okay, perfect. It's settled then. I'll take you to meet her soon." Luz sounds delirious, but Amity's worried.

"But...is she going to like me?"

"Doesn't matter. If she can't accept us then it's not our problem."

Today is Luz's twenty-first birthday.

Amity had been watching the days as they drifted by.

She thought surely they'd be broken up by now. She thought they'd probably already gone their separate ways, moved on from each other and closed this seemingly endless, blissful hell of a chapter in their lives.

But it was still happening, for some odd reason. Luz was twenty-one now, and it'll be going on five years they've been together.

They'd shared many birthdays together, and each one was more memorable than the last.

But she didn't expect to be together this long, married no less. She was starting to run out of ideas. And besides, Luz and Amity were just getting too old for this. So, Amity decided she'd try baking a cake this year. It's not like she'd ever baked before, but she'd cooked, and what was the difference?

Along with that, she bought an expensive bottle of wine just for the hell of it, a couple of balloons, a twenty-one birthday cake candle just to spite her, and mini vibrators to end the night on a fun note.

When Luz gets home a little after Amity around eleven, she groans good-naturedly. "Wow, a birthday party. You shouldn't have," she says sarcastically when she enters the kitchen and sees the slightly wonky decorating job of balloons taped to the island pillars connecting to the ceiling and around the living room.

Amity comes into the living room from the bathroom as she was just finishing some last minute preparations on her outfit and sees her wife removing her jacket. "I really outdid myself this time, huh?" she jokes, inviting herself into Luz's arms for a hug. She feels warm and fuzzy when she feels her arms wrap around her and they kiss deeply for a moment.

"You look nice." she says quietly against her lips, complimenting Amity's hard work. She wasn't a very stylish person, and she quite struggled on putting together this outfit and having some semblance of coordination with it, but she decided on an overall skirt with a black long sleeve underneath to combat the cool October weather. It's worth it now that she knows Luz likes it.

"Thank you," she giggles, whispering, "You might have a hard time taking this one off, though."

"I think I'll manage," she says smugly with another kiss, before Amity pulls away to go into the kitchen. Luz sits down on a stool at the counter and rests her chin in her hand, star stricken and captivated. Amity chews her lip and fights a smile as she pulls out two wine glasses and the stupid expensive wine she bought. Setting them out on the counter in front of Luz, she furrows her brows. "How much was that?"

"Not important," she dismisses it playfully, pouring carefully into the first glass. It comes out a rosy red color with a deliciously intoxicating scent that burns her nostrils and she thinks, I could get drunk on this for sure. She slides it to Luz. "Try it. I heard it's made with The Grapes of Italy," she laughs.

"These are definitely made with Californian grapes," she says jokingly after taking a sip. "You paid those hundreds for that fancy bottle, my love. Not quality."

Amity groans, slightly annoyed. "I can never win."

"That's okay. Wine shopping's a labyrinth on its own," she says knowingly and drinks some more while Amity has the first sip of hers after she pours it. It's the same as all the other shitty wines they've had. She wonders what made this one worth over two hundred dollars. It's not sweet, actually quite bitter, and not delicious at all, and she doesn't know why she even tries with wine anymore because it's not like she ever actually enjoyed it. Something about it just charmed her, only because she was drinking it with Luz.

There was something about drinking it with Luz that turned her on. Drink it all or you're a baby, is what that mischievous little glint in her eye says, the one thing that stuck with her through all these years from her first Blue Hawaii when she was freshly eighteen, under a seventeen year-old Luz's thumb from the very beginning. It only got worse, but she loves it.

The only difference is, she feels like a responsible adult now. She can trust herself and trust Luz that everything always wound up okay in the end, and losing control for the night only made it better, not to mention, worth it. So that's why she's happy to feel pleasantly obligated in this obedient and sexual way to drink every last corner of this wine while Luz is watching, not one drop gone to waste because every bit counts when it's with her.

"You're such a good girl," Luz purrs quietly, appraising Amity with a possessiveness of only herself. "Always finishing what you started."

It makes Amity feel small in this weirdly gratifying way, and she wishes Luz would just snatch her up right now. She melts every time hearing those words, you're such a good girl, and it's especially tempting when she's using that voice with that look, and that it's just the two of them here, alone, and anything and everything could happen.

But not yet. Amity wasn't done being sensitive about having quite possibly their last birthday together, before everything crumbled.

"About that," she says, smartly dodging Luz's seduction. Luz seems bemused about her short attention span, but if only she knew that Amity was cooking on the inside over everything.

Squaring her shoulders with her wife's glare of approval, she turns to the fridge and pulls out her stupid little failed invention of a birthday cake on a small round cakesheet and sets it down on the counter in front of Luz, staying comically quiet. "I baked your cake this time. I thought, you know, it'd be more thoughtful if I spent time working on it and perfecting the cinnamon sugar recipe because I burnt it in the oven the first four times," she stammers.

"Really?" she asks halfheartedly, looking down at it and biting the inside of her cheek. "Wow. Thank you. I didn't… ah, I'm embarrassed."

"No, no, don't be," Amity gestures wildy, cheeks tingling self-consciously. She quickly takes a knife from the cutlery drawer and then a pink, puffy twenty-one candle that she discreetly placed inside of the drawer to soften the blow when she took it out despite Luz's embarrassment.

She places it hastily in the center of the cake and watches Luz's dismay as she wails dramatically and hides her face in her hands. "Relax!" she giggles, carefully setting flame to the flimsy wicks over the two and one candle with a small handheld lighter. Then she comes to the other side of the counter to wrap her arms tightly around Luz's waist and bury her face into her shoulder from behind her stool.

"Fucking hell. Fine, next year I'll just hire a clown for your Dora The Explorer birthday party," she mumbles sulkily, watching pink wax drip from the candle and onto the frosting. Amity would cry at the sentiment if it weren't for the situation, that Luz thinks there would even be a next year for them.

"I love you so much," she says deliriously as she presses a kiss to her neck, even if it's to combat her sadness and the pressure building behind her eyes. "Happy birthday, my heart. Make a wish."

"Are you really going to make me do this?"

"You made me."

Luz sighs, defeated. "Okay. Fine, I'll make a wish. Only for you."

Amity shivers with delight. "I'm glad."

She quickly blows out the candles, and then Amity's immediate follow-up question is, "What'd you wish for?"

"No way I'm telling you," she snorts.

Amity steps back into the kitchen, giving her a look. "I already know what it is, if that reference I made earlier meant anything."

Luz shrugs, grinning in her easy way that always just makes Amity's heart do tricks in her chest, all over something so stupid and worthless.

She cuts a slice, thoroughly surprised at how good it looks for her first time baking a cake. "Just be honest about it," she laughs nervously. She places the slice on a plate and pushes it to Luz. "I've never made a cake before. There's a high chance that it won't be that good, I mean, for what it's worth, it might but—,"

"Amity, mi amor, you confuse me." she laughs again, taking the fork that Amity hands to her to try it. "I'm sure it's good. Everything else you've made was good. You're just too hard on yourself."

"I'm just being practical is all," she says, and then… Luz tries it.

"Actually… it's pretty bad." she giggles nervously. Amity joins in, embarrassed.

"Oh. Wow," she wipes away a tear, laughing harder. Luz just gets up from her stool and comes into the kitchen to yank Amity into a tight hug,

"I love you so much. Thank you for going out of your way. The icing is good."

"I didn't make the icing," she laughs, clutches two handfuls of her wife's shirt.

"Oh. Anyways. I'll still eat it, I promise. I can take it as a snack for work." she mumbles into her hair after kissing her on the forehead. Amity squeaks, pulling out of her arms and she takes the cake sheet, aggravated. "Er...what are you doing?" Luz watches her, raising her eyebrows amusedly.

"You're an asshole," she says angrily, halfheartedly as she dumps the whole cake into the trash can.

"How?" she challenges, and Amity glares at her.

"Just… shut up," she groans, fighting back a smile. She grabs Luz's hand and drags her toward the bedroom. Luz nearly stumbles, laughing as she rushes to keep up with her funny little wife.

"I guess we're going to open birthday presents now," she points out smugly, watching Amity aggressively slam and lock the door.

"You could say that, …" she leans against the door for a moment, watching Luz start to undress. Heat rushes to her cheeks suddenly, and she feels nervous again.

"What?" Luz asks confusedly at the weird look Amity's giving her, taking off her top and leaving herself in her plain white undershirt. "Something wrong?"

"No, … not at all." she walks up slowly to Luz, running a hand along her bare arm when she presses up against her. "Do you want to have birthday sex?" she asks dumbly.

"If you want to." Luz breathes.

Amity's heart races stupidly, still so crushy over her wife even after all this time. She loves seeing her like this, half dressed and… there's still some frosting on the corner of her mouth that she hadn't noticed there before. Instinctively, she gets up on her tiptoes and quickly licks it off, then as a guilty and selfish afterthought, slowly runs her tongue along her wife's warm, soft lips.

Luz moans quietly, and Amity takes that as the green light to initiate, take control for just tonight. She kisses her lips softly, taking her bottom lip between her teeth and biting down slowly to drag the pain, and it's like torture, but she knows Luz loves it because of the louder, deeper moan it earns from her.

Confident, Amity works herself up to grab Luz's shoulders and push her roughly down onto the bed, but she doesn't move. Amity pulls away, looking at her. "Can I dominate tonight?"

Luz smiles gently. "Mhm. I'm sorry." Kissing her, she whispers, "Try that again."

Amity quickly takes a deep breath and shoves her down with hands on her chest, and Luz allows herself to be pushed by accommodating for Amity's strength, because there was always a physical imbalance between them. But Amity liked it. It was sexy when big, strong Luz had to bring herself down to her level, just to satisfy her.

Amity climbs on top of her, straddling around her hips and leaning down to kiss her deeply and roughly, trying so hard to assert herself. She moans delightedly into her mouth when she feels Luz's hands running down her back, then down to her butt. It makes her so desperate to feel something, so carnal but feminine.

It all starts to happen so fast, and Amity doesn't take much. But tonight was about Luz, and her wife was just such a giving person that she hardly ever thought about herself even on her own birthday. So Amity breaks the kiss and moves off of her to instead lay flat beside her on the bed.

"Luz…?"

"Yeah?"

She sighs, sitting up. Her mind is groggy with excitement and yet sadness. "I'm sorry. I really want my way tonight. And you keep distracting me, and well, that's not exactly a bad thing. And I'm not exactly mad about it. But I am."

Luz moves to sit up beside her. She leans in and kisses her cheek. "It's okay to be mad. Take it out on me." she says softly, and Amity bites her lip at the invitation, feeling Luz's deliberate brush of her lips against her earlobe.

Keeping her resolve, Amity takes a steadying breath and scoots back a bit on the bed, pulling Luz in by her shoulders. They kiss lightly, like a tease of lips and lusty feelings. Her taste burned on her tongue, still sweet like cake. She wanted more.

She tangles a hand in her hair, softly breaking the kiss again. "Luz…? You understand why I'm frustrated, don't you?"

Luz pulls back slightly to gaze at her. "You want me to be submissive."

Amity swallows, nodding. "I want to do all the work."

"You want me to be your little pet, just for tonight?"

"Just for a little while," she insists quietly, tilting her head to the side a bit to fit into another deep, hot kiss. But Luz bites her bottom lip, a sharp and searing pain rushing through Amity.

"Not gonna happen."

Amity groans, pushing forward for another kiss to test her theory, and to her frustration, Luz kisses back even harder. "Please?" she whimpers.

"You're gonna have to make me, baby." Luz laughs, kissing her lips passionately, sweeter than before. Amity holds her face, delightfully getting angrier and angrier by the moment, a flushed arousal tingling through her whole body.

Desperate, she's shy to try a new approach.

She walks a hand slowly up Luz's chest, landing on her shoulder. Leaning in, she takes a soft kiss, melting when Luz kisses back. Amity shakes with nerves, excited but a bit anxious to execute her perfect plan. She wanted to impress her wife a little bit. So, taking a deep breath, she says, "Quiero que te...um, relajes," trying to maintain at least a little sexiness, probably all completely wrong, rolled the r too much, but the worst part is that Luz pauses. "...y ...dejes que me ocupe de ello."

Luz is quiet for a moment, and Amity kisses her for reassurance, more for herself, to elicit a reaction. Something. Anything.

Suddenly, she starts to laugh in sporadic little giggles, leaning in to kiss Amity deeply. It's so sweet and affectionately appreciative that she can't exactly complain, even if she is being laughed at, because Luz is holding her face and laughing so beautifully into the kiss. When they pull away, she finally says, "¿Debería preocuparme?"

Amity swallows, not knowing what to say next. "Sí…?"

Luz sniggers, resting her forehead against Amity's. "That was brilliant. Great job," she trails a kiss down from her chin to the sensitive spot on her neck. "I love it. I love you."

Amity huffs, distractedly placing a hand in her wife's hair and using her elbows to support herself when Luz leans over her, kissing her collarbone softly. "I… I can't help but feel like you're making fun of me," she whimpers.

"No, no, hermosa. You did great. I really appreciate that. I'm really happy."

"I practiced for weeks," she tilts her chin up, moaning at the hand that traces along her body, gently over her breast and low down her abdomen.

"I'm really proud," she purrs close to her ear, kissing her jaw.

Amity bites her lip, slowly rocking her hips into Luz's body, firm and perfect and full against her, right where she's meant to be. "I just…" she sighs dreamily. "I really love it when you speak Spanish. It's really sexy, and beautiful."

"And?" she hums, groping Amity in all the right ways that makes her deeply regret that she's still wearing clothes. She lewdly pushes herself against Luz's leg, pressing her sex just right to get her panties dampened in the front. Back and forth, back and forth, slowly climbing to the edge.

"And I wanted… I wished I could be a part of that. I could never learn Spanish, ...but it's fun to imagine."

"What are you imagining?" Luz asks sensually.

Amity hums, bothered. Her body burns in a cold sweat, getting so worked up over the sound and feeling of her wife kissing her so perfectly, so effortlessly on her neck. "You… naked. Tied up in a pretty ribbon. And you're begging me," she pants. "And I'm tasting your sweet little pussy, giving the birthday girl her birthday present."

She hears Luz's breathing pick up, giggling. It's a sound full of lust and incredulity, one that Amity was desperate to prove wrong. "Wife. That's embarrassing." she grumbles.

"What is? That I have such bad thoughts about you everyday?"

Luz grunts. "You're such a pervert."

"You like that about me."

Luz pulls away to give her a look, leaving Amity's mind reeling and her body aching for more of her wife's honey sweet love. She stays quiet, glaring back at her with a playful daringness, and she thinks Luz might find it at least a little cute. But instead of pouncing, she sits up. Amity groans in annoyance, irritated.

"What's the matter?" she drags a finger along her top lip, then slowly to the bottom one and Amity looks away, embarrassed.

"I got you a gift," she suddenly remembers. Quickly getting out of Luz's grasp, she slips away to get out of bed, leaving her disappointed.

Luz waits stupidly on the bed while Amity fumbles through the closet. She had hidden the small gift box in the pocket of her old jacket in the closet. Pulling it out, she gets back in bed, hiding it behind her back. "Close your eyes," she says.

"Should I be scared?"

Amity laughs, getting behind Luz to sit on her knees. "No. Hold your hands out."

Luz huffs, holding her hands together in a cup. Amity rests her chin on her shoulder, wrapping her arms around her wife's waist, gently setting the small box in her hands.

"Open."

Luz opens her eyes and pulls the lid off the box, revealing—"Wow. I should have known. You got me vibrators for my birthday."

"I thought we could celebrate together with a… shared experience." she says softly close to her ear. "It's always better with two."

"Yowza wowza," she says breathlessly. Amity laughs.

"Should we try them out?" she bites her lip subconsciously, twirling one of Luz's side bangs around her finger. "Make sure they're...up to par?"

"It'd be a waste if we didn't." she stammers.

She doesn't know what's wrong. What's stopping her?

The fact of the matter is that they're both in love with the idea of being with each other. Having such a carefree relationship with nothing to it except the sex, ...it was liberating. Probably not the best thing. But it's the best thing to ever happen to Amity, in this twisted, sick way.

They're settled into a blissful domestic life, where everything is solved, started, and settled with sex. The sex was great, and Amity thinks it's much better than before now that they're married.

She keeps trying to convince herself that time has had something to do with the … furthering of them. She thinks, it couldn't have been four years and it's still just the sex. That doesn't make any sense.

Still, she can't think about it for too long. Not when her wife is so sexy, so beautiful. Luz loves to disappoint her, saying little things that scare her, dropping little hints. Like she was just another night in Vegas. But the sex. She can't let go of it. She can't let go of Luz.

She knows dropping Luz right now would be the most reasonable thing, but when she's trapped in her emotions, she doesn't really know what she'd do. She would miss her too much. Not just the sex. But that is a big part of it.

Maybe they do love each other. Maybe her and Luz are just a let's get to the point kind of thing, and they're most in tune when they're, well. Things would just be easier if they hadn't met. Dammit. But she would never not want to be with Luz.

They always disappoint each other. But if they really knew each other the way they knew their bodies, they could see it through.

One emotional connection is enough to stabilize a relationship, right?

That's why she needs to find meaningful things that could keep them together. Things that will strengthen their bond. She wants to officiate this marriage, make it real. She wishes she could visit her parents house and introduce them to her wife. But that's completely out of the question. Maybe Luz's mom…?

Amity's sitting in bed doing some research on her laptop in the dark. Luz had gone to the store to get dinner, so she was all alone.

She just wants a connection. A familial connection of some sort. She's googling about surrogate mothers or other ways that she and Luz could possibly have a child, because she's desperate for some sort of glue to keep them together. She doesn't want to say goodbye, not after it's been so long. Not after they'd been through so much.

When Luz arrives home, they cuddle in bed for a while. They're kissing softly, Amity hurriedly closing her search history on the laptop.

She feels so alone, even with her wife. They cling onto each other, the only thing they have. They gave up everything they had for this. But was it worth it? Amity tightens her hold around Luz's waist, nuzzling into her chest, hanging on to her last little piece of land for dear life. "I want to start a family." Amity mumbles into her shirt.

Luz is quiet for a moment. "I don't think that's a good idea," she says softly, trying not to make Amity more upset than she already is. "for now." she adds quickly.

Amity stays quiet, silently hysterical. Luz pulls away, tilting her chin up with a finger. She gives her wife a soft little kiss. "Let's just take it one day at a time, okay?" she says slowly.

Amity nods, tears filling her eyes.

"We'll think about it for a while. I want you to think about how much that would change things for us. And we don't know what we're doing. I'm... scared."

"Why?" she trembles, a few tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Because we made a big mistake. You know this is bad. Not good."

"Why are we not good enough?" she asks quietly, her voice shaking.

"...We don't love each other." she whispers. "What we have is not real love."

"How dare you say that. Why do you think—," she squirms in her arms, trying to break free. "Why do you think I let myself go this far?"

Luz holds her tighter. "It's not for love. I don't know what it is at this point. But we don't need to start a family."

Amity lets out a sob. "I just—, I just want to be part of a family. I want to feel worth something. I want to feel loved." she sniffles. "You can't go back on your word. You can't say you love me. I won't believe you."

Luz sighs, easily taking control of her wife and restraining her with her arms. "But I do love you."

Another tear streams down her face as she struggles, trying to wriggle out of her wife's arms. She's just too strong. She screams frustratedly. "Stop saying that! No you don't! You always use that against me! It isn't true and I know that! Just stop!"

"You'll never see it," Luz uses her legs to keep Amity in place, keeping her close. "You'll never see it, because I blew my chances a long time ago. But I love you, with all of my heart, and everything in me. You're all I've ever wanted for a long time,"

Amity hyperventilates, trying uselessly to escape. It's futile. Everything's futile. So what difference would it make if Luz were telling the truth?

"Please. I'll do anything." Luz says softly, kissing her neck. It makes Amity want to punch her stupid face.

When Amity gets home, the living room is unusually dark. Her heart rate immediately spikes, imagining quickly what Luz might be planning. When she comes into the kitchen, Luz is there, in the act of opening a bottle of champagne.

"Welcome back," she says with a flourish in her voice, and it makes Amity excited.

"Thank you." she replies breathlessly, distracted. She leans on the counter facing Luz with her chin in her hand, watching her wife in a dreamy daze. She watches, entranced as she pours the fizzy liquid into two tall wine glasses with a practiced ease. Somehow, she'd never been more thirsty for champagne ever before.

"Want some?" Luz asks playfully, slipping the glass across the counter.

"Of course," she rushes to say, taking it carefully into her hands and lifting it to her lips to take a sip. She becomes instantly obsessed with the bitter, empty taste, the afterburn and shock of taking part in something as mundane but scandalous as this. What has her life become…?

Setting her glass back down, she idly tilts her head to the side, looking affectionately at Luz. "Did I miss something?"

Luz stares at her. "It's our anniversary."

"Oh, right." she flushes, mostly embarrassed for not remembering. The fact that Luz had made her stomach twist. And even if they didn't exactly have a meet-cute or anything like that—and the actual way they happened is actually a little mortifying—it was a special day nonetheless. "I'm sorry. I… I hadn't realized." she stammers, watching Luz nervously as she comes around the counter to pull Amity in for a hug.

"It's fine. It doesn't bother me that you forgot." she whispers into her hair. "Actually, I mean, it's not really anything happy, is it? It wasn't cute or romantic. You and I really shouldn't be together…"

Amity closes her eyes, getting a little depressed over the fact of the matter. She melts herself into her wife's arms, trying to get closer, to hold onto the only thing she had left with only a hysterical optimism keeping her going.

"And we're really bad. But I say fuck that, because this is the way things turned out. And if we're gonna do this, let's at least enjoy it while we suffer."

"I'm not suffering." Amity says quietly into her neck.

"Yes you are. We both are. But it's our choice, right?"

Amity nods.

"Let's own our mistakes, then. Let's just… not worry about any of it."

Amity pulls back to give Luz a kiss on the cheek. "Okay. Whatever you want," she says shakily. "I'll follow you anywhere. Anywhere at all."

Luz gives her a look, one full of guilt and shame, because she already knows these things. Finally, she holds Amity's face and kisses her lips deeply, and Amity gets so lost in it that they stumble against the dinner table, the edge pressing painfully into her back as she's pushed against it.

All she wants to do is this for the rest of her life. She doesn't care if she's depressed or miserable. All that matters is Luz's hands, hot and possessive on her body, her soft, warm lips hungrily against hers. She doesn't care if she can't breathe, doesn't care that she's gasping for air when she pulls away because all she can think about is pulling her back in.

And love makes them do crazy things. She doesn't know if it's love, or perhaps just a severe mental illness at this point.

"How did you want to celebrate?" she asks, stroking a finger down the side of her neck.

"I had some ideas…"

Amity loves when her wife gets ideas.

They could have gentle, romantic sex to remind them of their passionate love for each other. But they were far from normal, and today was special. Really, the two of them had no direction. Just unbridled desire and bad feelings that they needed to work out.

They never did, but it was a fun thought.

Amity liked to be pushed around, jerked like she's just a toy. She likes Luz tearing her clothes off, knocking her down on the bed. Their lovely bed, the bed that's held them during all kinds of nights, all kinds of love.

She likes when Luz climbs on top of her, fully clothed to straddle her own naked hips, two pretty ribbons in her hands. "This one matches your hair," she says sweetly, dangling the lime green one in her face, tickling her lips.

"Doesn't it?" she lets out a little laugh.

"Mhm. But I think it'd look prettier tied around your wrists." she gently pulls at Amity's arm, and she obediently presses her wrists together to let her wife tie her up.

"You're right. You're so right." she watches intently. This ribbon is especially longer, so Luz ties a few knots, and Amity flinches as she pulls each one tighter than the last. "Ow," she moans when she tugs it to make sure it will stay, and it seems to amuse Luz even more.

"Did that hurt?" she roughly pushes her arms up over her head, leaning over her to tie the other end of the ribbon to the bedpost.

"Yes…" she squirms. "Ah, can we loosen it a little?"

"No," she leans down to kiss her softly, giving her a comforting little nuzzle. "It's fine, isn't it?"

"Hm," she takes a deep breath, getting turned on by the little kisses down her neck, frustrated that she can't reach up and grab her hair. "It's…"

"You can handle it, can't you?"

"I can. I can handle it," she huffs, eager to impress her wife. "I'll do it for you."

"Good girl," she purrs, leaning back again to sit up. She pauses decisively for a moment, and she suddenly moves to take both of Amity's breasts in her hands, giving them a rough squeeze. She moans, arching her back into it. "You can use the safe word if it's too much, okay?" she says softly.

Amity nods vigorously, but she pushes any thoughts of using the safe word out of her mind because it was never too much, even when it was. She could take anything Luz gave her, no matter what. She wants to be chastised and taken advantage of.

Next, Luz uses a pink ribbon to tie her feet together just low enough so that Amity could still spread her legs open. But now she was completely stuck. Compromised and naked and up for grabs, whatever Luz wanted. The second thing that she gets is in great favors for Amity, because she wants to be penetrated, so deeply that it hurts. It was just what she craved, the attention, the illusion that Luz could ever be fully inside of her in some way.

"You've seen one of these before, right?" she holds up a pink vibrator. It's long and bumpy, and thick, and Amity only wants it more, even if she is admittedly a little intimidated.

"O—of course," she pants, excited.

Luz forces it into Amity's pretty little mouth, shoving it to the back of her throat. "Suck it." she demands, drawing it back and forth in a slow, tantalizing way that makes it hard for her to focus as she sets her mind to getting it as slick and wet as possible, gathering her saliva around it. The bumps snag against her teeth and her tongue is trapped underneath it. "Get it nice and wet for yourself. You're responsible for how easy it slips in."

"I will, babe. I will," she begs, her words muffled with her mouth full, embarrassed, helplessly horny tears rolling uncontrollably down her face. She takes it all the way to the back of her throat again, biting down gently to keep it from gagging herself.

She yelps when Luz unexpectedly turns it on and it vibrates violently, sending an electric shock buzzing through her teeth and up her gums, shivering disorientingly into her brain. It tenses her tongue, and she coughs against it, choking. But Luz doesn't care, and she keeps thrusting it inside her warm mouth. "Red light," she chokes out. So much for not using the safe word.

Luz immediately pulls it out of her mouth and shuts it off. "Sorry. Too much?"

"Too deep," she coughs, and Luz watches her stupidly. Amity sits up slightly on her elbows and clears her throat, nervously meeting her wife's eyes again.

Luz anxiously bites her lip. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," she nods, giggling after a moment. Luz leans in and kisses her softly. "Let's keep going."

Really, this hurts. It hurts when Luz bites her skin, nearly breaking it. She thinks it's okay, which it's not, but it is, and when Amity screams it makes her want to do it harder. There's a safe word, but Amity would rather die than use it. She can take it, whatever Luz gives her, no matter what.

Now she truly is the idiot with the painted face, in the corner taking up space. She feels so empty but it feels so good, the pain of that when Luz tightens the ribbon around her wrist, almost stopping blood circulation, jerking her body back to cut slack on the string.

That's why by the end of tonight her body is covered in bruises. She was glad that they grew up, and a lot of the time she didn't get as many injuries as she used to when they were younger, little bundles of lust and brimming with restless energy. But now Amity thinks she may have to call out sick from work tomorrow because Luz played hard, and she felt a little under the weather now.

It was inevitable, and almost brainless that she got in the tub to ease her sore, broken body, and maybe Luz being by her side helped a bit.

Amity relaxes against the tub, letting warm water soak her aching muscles. Her body feels lightweight in the gentle water, letting herself sink into her wife's body. She smiles lewdly, even if this is the least they'd done ever.

There's something so romantic to her about being naked with her wife in the bathtub. Anything could happen. She rests a hand on Luz's stomach under the water, leaning her head on her shoulder.

"This is nice, isn't it?" she asks idly.

Luz is quiet for a moment. It scares Amity a little so she pulls herself away to look up at her to find a gentle expression on her face. Then she smiles and lifts a hand out of the water to flick her on the nose. "You're such a sap."

"I can't help it," she giggles quietly. "I like being close to you."

"I like that too."

Amity hums, satisfied before moving back to lay her head on her wife. "What if we had sex in this bathtub?" she bites her lip.

"It'd be fun."

"We could…"

"Could we?"

Amity watches her, lifting a wet, shaky hand to hold Luz's face. She leans in to ever so slightly kiss her lips, delighting when she kisses back. "...We could, if you want to." she says softly against her lips. Luz grumbles.

"I want whatever you want."

"Then touch me." She breathes.

Luz kisses her again, this time her hand comes up to cup Amity's face as she tilts her head into the kiss, moaning quietly. That hand slips slowly down her neck, then her shoulder, dipping with a little splash back under the water to glide against the side of her body.

Luz gently breaks the kiss, leaving Amity's mouth to trail under her chin with more tender ones. She feels Luz pause for a moment. "You're crazy." she whispers.

"Why? Is this the craziest thing we've done?" she breathes slowly in and out, getting excited over the little chuckle that earns from her.

"Not even close."

Her lips trail lower to her chest, and under the water her hand is tracing slowly down her inner thigh. Amity gasps, sinking herself deeper and instinctually grabbing for Luz's soft hair. Her heart races at the mundane thrill, her breathing picking up as Luz kisses her neck deeply.

She likes Luz's other hand coming to her hip to hold her gently while the other slips down between her legs to brush through the little pubic hair, and then so easily over her outer folds that it's unbelievable and takes her breath away. "Yeah, baby, fuck," she breathes in, rocking into her hand. "Yes… yes."

"Amity, you're driving me crazy," she mumbles into her neck.

She floats to the edge of the tub, clutching onto the lip for dear life while Luz pushes her against the side, and Amity's chest emerges from the water allowing her the access she'd been waiting for. She chews on her lip as Luz's kiss drifts over her breast and she grazes her teeth against her nipple as her index and ring finger carelessly work her clit, spreading them off to sink into her labia instead, pressing the perfect spot so well that Amity yelps and accidentally slips against the tub to fall deeper into the water.

Luz stops. "Too much?"

Amity struggles to speak for a split second, because her mind was disintegrating into whiteness just a moment ago. "No, no. Not at all." She lets out a strained laugh, losing her train of thought as she watches Luz's face turn from concerned to a knowing grin. "It was perfect, actually. You...really know how to make me…" she trails off as her wife leans in to kiss her lips sweetly, shutting her up. Her eyes flutter closed and she hangs on to the edge of the tub again to balance herself.

"Could I keep going?" she asks softly.

"If you want," Amity stammers, flushing when her hand immediately drifts down under the water again.

"Ready?"

She nods, sucking in a deep breath, and it happens so fast that Luz is inserting two fingers inside of her sex. She lets out a shaky breath when Luz looks back up at her to check her reaction.

"All good?"

"Of course," she chokes out, easily melting into the kiss Luz pulls her into. They fall into an easy, methodical pattern and Amity rocks her hips with each thrust of her fingers, riding each wave of pleasure rolling through her tight sex, uncoiling in her core. She kisses her wife for dear life, eventually breaking off to cry out. She pants, dropping her head to kiss or bite Luz's shoulder. "Fuck, yeah. Fuck me," she mewls. "Oh… please, Luz. Please don't stop. Don't hold back."

"Is it good?" she asks calmly, voice soft and comforting and yet aggravating at the same time.

"It's so… really good, like… like magic," she breathes heavily, incredulous at how fast and perfect Luz's fingers thrust inside her, how she'd found her sweet spot so quickly, the tip of her fingernails scratching her insides just right and causing the perfect amount of pleasureful discomfort in the flood of overwhelming pleasure. The way Luz can fit two fingers inside of her clit and stretch her out is so good, just right. The way they're so in sync. "Luz… fuck me please, I want it," she cries.

Luz kisses her neck patiently, the slow tickle winding Amity up farther. It's maddening, and she wants so badly to come all over her fingers, dirty this tub water with her sticky come and crash so hard for her wife, it's a carnal desire and nothing else matters but this moment, Luz's quiet breathing and the slow sound of the water splashing, the burning flame of friction between her legs and how fast it's going, how good it is that she's so passionate for her.

She fights for as long as she can, and when it's good enough she gives in. She hisses, arching her back against the side of the tub as she gives everything up and comes so hard for her wife, Luz pushing her harder and smashing her between the tub and her body, and it's just the right amount of torture. "Fuck," Luz huffs.

"That was fucking perfect," Amity swears, breathing hard to catch her breath as she stares wide eyed at Luz. "You're magical."

Luz laughs, because she's wrong.

Luz has done many things to her. She'd made her cry, made her smile. Made her laugh, made her out of control. She'd toyed with her, used her body, abused her, ignored her. But she always made it so sweet, so delectable and undeniably delicious, no matter how much it hurt.

And Amity craved it.

Luz could call her ugly, say she was worthless and tear her down, rip her to shreds brick-by-brick, but it wouldn't matter if her mouth was on her body, that she said it in that beautiful voice of hers. The one she loves so much. The one that calls her name, the one that sometimes speaks in Spanish, or close to her ear, or tells her she loves her.

It's hard, because Amity is so in love with her. She's so, so in love. And she's in trouble for it. Luz is so bad. She's such a bad person, and Amity knows she deserves so much better than her. She could do better without her. But she doesn't want better if it's not Luz's sick, twisted love, it's not affection if it doesn't hurt.

Her favorite thing of all, though, is seeing her. Waking up in her arms, feeling her soft, warm kiss. Showering with her, eating breakfast with her. Reuniting after a long day of work with a deep kiss, full of passion and desire for each other. She likes Luz's touches, her bite, her tongue, her lips, her hands.

She loves her hands.

They're so special to her, for some reason. They're the ones that hold her, glide through her hair. The ones that are slightly bigger than Amity's if they hold their hands up together. The ones that cup her face, makes her feel so good under the covers. Her favorite is when they hold hands, fingers interlaced. She likes the shock value of it, the pretty compare and contrast of Amity's pale hand and Luz's chocolate one, and how tightly they hold on.

She likes how picture perfect it is. How their hands tell a story up against one another's. How Amity proudly wears her diamond wedding ring but Luz refuses anything flashy and opts for a black metal band instead.

She likes it when Luz flirts with her, because from the moment they became married it was already failing. Amity thinks it's all in her own head, or that it's always been like this. What were they thinking? They were not ready for marriage.

Why did they get married?

She thinks about that moment often, when her Luzita got down on one knee at the Santa Monica pier and asked her to marry her.

Of course the answer was yes. It would always be yes. Luz knew that.

It makes Amity sulky, though. Luz didn't have to try hard. She knew what Amity would say. But was this as serious for her as it was for Amity? Was there really a difference for Luz? Was marriage just the next step to her suicide mission, to right the wrong she had committed? Was she afraid that Amity would leave her, so she tied her up in marriage to keep her trapped?

Was this all just a game?

She gives Luz the benefit of the doubt more than she deserved, but that's just because Amity was a hopeless girl and she wanted to believe that Luz was better, was worth forgiving. Because she loves Luz and she wants to be with her, always.

She likes being her wife, likes loving her. She likes hanging onto the thorns, sweet like love and passionate like red roses, swooning from the pain. Clinging to her touch, living and breathing for her love at its best.

She likes when Luz is gentle but passionate. She likes when she's playful and sentimental, when they cuddle, and touch sweetly. She likes hearing what Luz has to say, when it's unclear because she's so incompetent with emotions for a person with so many of them.

She can tell Luz loves her, in her own way. And if that's not progress, she doesn't know what is.

She can't help but lay awake on some nights and watch Luz as she's fast asleep, not even thinking much about anything. She wonders if it's worth worrying about. Luz looks pretty while she's sleeping, anyways, and Amity can't help but feel lucky. She keeps making excuses for her.

She feels lucky that she gets to see her like this, and that if they hadn't crossed paths she wouldn't wake up to this version of Luz. Her quietness and her bed head, her halfway dressed body or her nude figure. How Amity aches between her legs at the sight of it, something so mundane for them. How she's still so whipped for her everyday.

She likes having sex with her wife.

They do it a lot, admittedly. They've done it in almost every location of their apartment. Kitchen, bathroom, living room. But is it her fault for being obsessed with her wife's touch?

Today, they're doing it in bed, like normal people, and Amity is enjoying herself. She's laying down, half propped up on her elbows and Luz is between her legs. This is a quickie, because Amity has to leave for a meeting in ten minutes, so her shirt's still on.

It's a bit scandalous, the way her panties are hastily pushed away, Luz's tongue doing that lovely thing where the tip lightly strokes the sweet spot right in the center of her cute little sex, while her index and middle fingers fuck in and out quickly. It's so incredibly addicting, the hot pleasure building up and winding her to the top, the feeling she's a slave to, the one that keeps her chained to Luz Noceda.

Amity keeps her eyes on the prize, watching as Luz practically defiles her, makes her cry out and moan in pleasure. She rocks her hips in with the rhythm, but her favorite thing is watching her wife's fingers dip in and out of her warm clit, but she's still wearing her wedding band. It's simple, but says so much, and it winds Amity up past the breaking point that she kept it on while indulging in such a salacious act.

It makes her already perfect hand so pretty, so stylish, so decorated as she fingerfucks her wife. Amity bites her lip. "Better go faster. They'll be expecting me soon," she struggles to say between whimpers and moans and gasps, roughly jerking herself deeper into her wife.

"Tell'em you were busy getting your freak on," Luz replies with a laugh, without moving her tongue besides using it to fold inside of Amity. She lets out a cute little gasp, helplessly dropping her head back and squeezing her eyes shut.

"I can't say that," she pants. "Hurry up."

Luz grunts, pulling her fingers out and leaving her dripping wet sex lonely and aching for more. The only sensation she feels is Luz's shirt against it as she leans up between her legs to kiss her lips deeply and yet playfully. "Then why don't we just finish this tonight when we've got all the time in the world? You can't rush greatness, you know."

"Greatness," Amity says breathlessly, endlessly happy as she looks up at Luz. Her loins burned like a flame, the dread of not orgasming settling in like a sweet promise for later, one that'd get her through today.

"Sound like a plan?" she brushes their lips together. Amity huffs, clutching onto her wife's strong, broad shoulders, letting her body sink against hers, feeling the soft fabric of her clothes on her sensitive parts. She thinks how if she wanted to, she could rock her hips into Luz's thigh and get herself off, but her voice sounds so sweet as she promises another long night of lovemaking together, because they just can't ever quite stick the landing.

But Amity's too upset to reply, in this weird, sadistic way.

She likes being teased. She likes being let down, the way Luz always does and loves to disappoint. She likes the gear-grinding torture of not getting off. She likes waiting for Luz to take care of her instead.

But she can't hold her grudge for too much longer when Luz raises an eyebrow, and how great she feels just lying here underneath her. She thinks she likes it. So Amity giggles and leans up to kiss her wife's lips passionately, opening her mouth to push her tongue into hers and moaning delightedly when Luz does the same. It's so intoxicating and it gets her so worked up, how warm her tongue is against hers. It's almost too much to breathe. But she wants to outsmart Luz, so she pushes further, relishing when Luz squeaks in surprise. Finally, she pulls away only to leave a trail of their shared spit connecting them, but Luz wipes it away.

Amity's feeling dominant and very adventurous, because she'd just been denied a perfect orgasm, dammit. She licks the spit from around Luz's lips, then grabs her hand to suck on the two fingers she had used to fingerfuck her. Luz just watches in silent amusement, letting it happen. Then she drags her tongue down to lick her black wedding band, because it's so fucking hot, dammit. "Sounds like a date," she says finally. Luz laughs.

"Great," she kisses her again. "Bring a towel. And yourself."

"I hate you. Now get off of me, I'm late," she says playfully, roughly pushing her face away.

She had felt so excited, buzzing with energy and looking forward to having sex with her wife. But then she got to work and she remembered that life wasn't the way it used to be. Slowly, that excitement fizzled out and she was exhausted instead, the way she always was after a long day, and she wasn't thinking about sex as much as she thought about getting under her cover and going to sleep as soon as she got home.

A few days later, Amity's in the kitchen making dinner. She was tired. But she likes to stay busy, because if she sits for too long, her mind starts to wander.

Things start to go wrong when her mind wanders, gets stuck in her thoughts. She and Luz have been going through a rough patch, more so than usual and it was starting to wear Amity down.

Sure, she had a lot of pent up anger and grief over her current… situation, but she didn't want to take it out on her wife. She didn't want to scream and cry at her, set all the blame on Luz when this was a mutual decision, to keep this relationship going when it was slowly tearing them apart.

They've dug themselves deep straight into the ground, backed into a corner and Amity feels like she's trying to balance her life, her marriage and her well-being all on a glass plate while she walks along the edge of a volcano. It's really overwhelming! And she feels like she's going to shatter.

There's no escape. She can't get out.

She's in so deep that it'd make no sense for her to break up with Luz. It would hurt too much.

But she's suffering either way, no matter what she chooses.

She blinks, pulling herself out of her head again. Focus on the recipe, Amity. Focus on cooking. She breathes in. Set some boundaries for yourself.

She decides that when Luz comes in and sees her cooking, she wouldn't try to get her to the bedroom right away. They would spend some time doing something different.

When Luz does arrive home, she greets Amity rather apathetically, also tired from a long day. She goes down the hallway and Amity is left reeling a bit disappointedly. Usually, she gets a kiss or a hug, or something. She had been ready to fight, her shields up to push her wife away when she tried to kiss her neck, tug on her shirt or lift her up and carry her to the bed.

She's only a little disappointed. She likes fighting, denying herself.

After a while, Luz comes back, padding into the kitchen in her socks. Her jacket is off and she's changed her shirt. Her dumb beanie is even absent. Something about it made Amity's heart skip, the sight of Luz so comfortable with her in their apartment, as her wife.

She wonders what changed—why things are starting to feel so domestic when there hadn't been a difference, in anything really. Maybe it's just the way she feels with this apron tied around her, the way it feels using measuring cups again.

Luz comes up behind her, and Amity feels her slouch, her exhausted embrace even if it is tight and loving and genuine. "Cómo estás, mi amor," she grumbles sweetly close to her ear, giving her neck a warm, chaste kiss. "Have a good day?"

Amity hesitates, her heart twisting with love and want and desire. "...It was… fine," she says, for lack of a better word.

Luz just hums observantly, moving beside Amity, leaning stupidly on the counter to watch her cut some chicken into oddly convoluted sections. "What're you making?"

"Chicken enchiladas," she says conspiritally. "I felt like making something tonight."

"Okay. Cool," she says coolly. "Anything I can do to help?"

Amity freezes, remembering what happened last time. "Ah, no. I think I can handle some chicken all by myself," she says playfully. Luz giggles softly, looking affectionately at her wife and resting her chin in her hand.

"Of course you can. You can handle anything." she leans in to kiss Amity's temple softly, giving her back a gentle smooth of her hand, walking away to open the fridge behind her. "It's one of my favorite things about you."

Amity's caught off guard again, glaring incredulously at her wife when she appears by her side again, plopping a container of fresh strawberries on the counter. "Why are you being so cheesy?" she asks teasingly, letting a little grin spread across her face, pushing herself to not get too distracted and to continue cutting up the chicken, because she would not fall victim to Luz's stupid charms when she was determined to at least finish cooking.

"What can I say?" Luz hops up to sit on the counter and swings her legs like a child, taking a strawberry to pop into her mouth. "I'm just feeling a little sentimental right now, I guess." she says, her mouth full.

"And why is that?"

"I… I dunno. Just overwhelmed about things. About you."

"...Overwhelmed about… everything?" she tries, fails to find the root of the problem.

"Yeah," she admits quietly, looking away. It goes quiet, and Amity squirms. Cut the chicken, right.

"I just… I don't know if we did the right thing. You know?"

Amity purses her lips, thinking. "It wasn't," she says, and Luz stares at her, waiting for the punchline that never comes. "But… it's our choice."

Luz hums.

"And it is what we make it." she sighs. "And… I just want you to know that you can talk to me, about anything at all."

Luz tilts her head a bit, watching Amity lovingly. "Thanks. I'm here for you, too. Always."

Amity gives her a small smile, feeling grateful. Her eyes drift down again, and she remembers that she still needs to finish cutting up the damned chicken.

Luz yawns showily, stretching her arms over her head, popping her shoulders. She sits quietly for a long while, and it's sort of a peaceful coexistence of the two of them, two drastically different people who don't know what they want or what they're doing, just that they want each other.

Then Luz reaches in while Amity's cutting and flicks her on the nose. "Don't distract me."

"Sorry," she giggles quietly. "I just... really love the face you make when you're focused."

Amity grunts but dismisses her. She tries to get back to it, but she can't exactly get back into focus mode when she's now aware of the face she's making, and that Luz is watching for it. This time, Luz pokes her cheek, and again she ignores it.

The third time, she takes another strawberry but offers Amity a bite as well.

"Okay, what is it?"

"Huh?"

"I know what you want, but I'm not doing anything until you admit it out loud," she says sternly, but can't help but grin, crossing her arms.

Luz rolls her eyes but smiles. "Fine." she takes Amity's hand and yanks her closer.

She stands between her legs, having to look up at her because the counter really didn't do much to help their height difference. "But is it so wrong to want a little attention from my wife?"

"Not especially," she giggles, wrapping her arms around her neck. "I just wanted to hear it from you first."

"You know it embarrasses me."

"You shouldn't be embarrassed. I want you to be comfortable with me, always."

Luz grumbles, and Amity pulls away to look at her, holding her hands. "I'll tell you what."

"What's that, hermosa?"

"Why don't we just… say what we feel? Clearly and comfortably. No hesitation. It would make things so much easier."

Luz just breathes in slowly, nuzzling their noses together.

"I'm not a mind reader. I don't know what you want. So I need you to tell me, alright?" She watches her, not getting an answer. "If you want attention, then just say it. There's no reason to act so childishly about our relationship anymore."

"Anymore…" she chuckled.

"Yes. We're adults now." Amity says, stroking her face gently. "We should communicate with each other."

Luz leans her forehead against hers, closing her eyes. She leans forward to kiss her lips deeply. "You do things to me, you know that?" she whispers, something almost bitter but begrudgingly accepting about the way she says it.

Her heart flutters, stomach dips. She lifts a hand to gently hold Luz's face, kissing her again softly. "I—I do?"

"Yep." Luz laughs prettily, like music to her ears. She pulls back slightly, tilting Amity's chin up with a finger. "You look cute."

Amity looks away, her face flushing. "Thank you."

Luz gives her lips another quick kiss. "Está bien," she sounds delighted. "I like the way you did the eyeliner. It's very pretty."

"Thank you," she hesitates again, not knowing what to do with all of these compliments. She decides to play it cool, easy breezy. Rarely did they ever have these types of moments. Things were always so serious, so grave all the time. Just moments flashing by, not one without purpose or a bigger problem in question.

For once, this seemed inconsequential. Pulling away after giving her wife one more kiss, she says teasingly, "Have you been studying makeup or anything? How did you know it's called 'eyeliner'?"

"Haven't studied. Just hours of watching you in the mirror, that's all." she says, and Amity smiles to herself as she takes the cutting board to the pot over the stove to broil the chicken. She absolutely cannot handle this right now. Her Luzita is being such a sap. She wonders what's got her all soft.

"One day you should let me do your eyeliner," she says sweetly as she's fixing the settings on the stove.

"Of course. Whatever you want," Luz agrees readily from the counter, and Amity is shocked, knowing her wife's stance on makeup.

She picks up her phone to check the recipe again because she can't remember how to season the broth when Luz follows suit to stand beside her again, smacking her butt. She decides to ignore it, because the best way to keep her dumb wife unprovoked is to not react.

After a while, she bends over on the counter to rest her head on it. "...You know, I do feel like a stupid kid sometimes." she looks up at Amity.

She isn't sure how to reply, so she's relieved when Luz starts up again. "Like… you know how when we first met, I was seventeen, then you turned eighteen, and it was weird for a while?"

"I remember. But we worked it out, didn't we?"

"Yeah, but…" she sighs. "I guess I just hate being younger. There's such a big age difference and it bothers me, a little."

"It's a one year gap, my love." she reminds her softly.

"It counts. To me, it counts." she mumbles. "Just… compared to you, I'm so much less. There's such a difference."

Amity's heart shatters a bit. She swallows, unsure how to proceed—"You're just so much better than me. You're smart. You know how to cook. You're beautiful… and, what am I? Why should you be with me, when there's so many other people you could love, the way you love me. What did I do to deserve it?"

First, she tries to brush it off as a joke. Ignores everything. "I don't exactly know how to cook. I try."

"And you're great at it. You know that." A pause. "I don't know… I love you so much, Amity."

"I love you too. More than you could ever know."

"But why?"

Amity's eyes well up. "Stop that, Luz. I don't want you thinking like that."

"Seriously though," she moves to hug her from the side. "Tell me why. I need to know."

"I just… I love you, I—I don't know what else you want me to say—,"

"Do you really love me, though?"

"Luz, don't."

"I'm sorry. I just want to understand why…"

Amity yanks herself out of her arms, looking wildly at her as tears stream down her face. "Why do you always do this to me?"

Luz looks away.

It was cute how worried Amity was. It was funny watching her scramble around for all of her things before they left out to go see her mom. Luz remembers that night when she promised they'd meet, and she almost regretted it now. Almost wanted to chicken out.

But she was done breaking promises, and this was obviously really important to Amity. Not so much to Luz, but if this meant a lot for her then she could stick around for it.

Luz hadn't talked to her mom in years. Not because they left off on bad terms or anything, just lost contact. She loves her mom. She has a great mom, and she doesn't know why they haven't kept up. Luz is just a busy person after all, and Camila was a nurse, and so they couldn't really cross paths often. But so much had happened… how was she going to take it all?

They're pulling out of the apartment complex and Amity's shaking with nerves in her seat. Luz turns to look at her and she can't help but grin, because she's just too precious. "...You okay, wifey?" she asks teasingly.

"I'm fine. Just… do you think the oranges are too ripe?" she asks, gesturing toward the small basket of mandarin oranges sitting over the cup holder that Amity had brought as a gift for Camila when Luz had mentioned that she liked them. The artfully crafted wooden basket had been expertly tied with a yellow ribbon, the oranges placed in a deliberate pattern inside.

Luz squints stupidly, examining Amity's hard work. "They're probably fine."

"Okay, good," she lets out a sigh of relief.

"You shouldn't worry so much," she says idly as they enter the freeway, focusing on the road. "It's not like she'll tell you she doesn't like it. Mexicans are like that, you know? She'll just throw them away once we leave and you'll never have to know."

"Gee, thanks, that helps." Amity drones.

It's not until they pull up to the house that she starts to feel sick with nerves. This was her childhood home, where she left the nest.

Does her mom even stay here anymore?

Arriving at the door, Luz takes a deep breath. Amity's standing behind her, basket of oranges clutched tightly in her hands. Right before she's about to knock, she groans and whirls around to face her wife. "I don't think I can do this!"

Amity looks slightly horrified, her eyes widening a bit. "Be strong. You've got this," she says hesitantly. She lifts up on her tiptoes and gives her a cheek kiss, offering her a smile. "She's your mom. How bad could it be?"

Luz whimpers, looking away.

"Hey, hey, look at me," she uses a hand to lift her chin. "How about this? I'll knock, and we'll go from there."

Luz looks at her with wide eyed wonder, how wonderful she is. Her beautiful wife. She takes another deep breath. "No, no. I have to do this." she says.

"Okay then. Do it."

"Okay," she turns back around to face the front door. "Okay, I'm gonna do it."

"Do it," Amity says from behind her.

Luz takes a final deep breath, relaxing her shoulders. She decides to ring the doorbell instead, save herself some of the anticipation. She remembered her mom's work schedule, so if anything was the same then she should be home right now.

The door opens, and there's her mom. The same woman she remembered. Short, brown hair wrapped up in a tight bun on the top of her head, red glasses and those tired bags under her eyes. Suddenly, Luz feels guilty. She shouldn't have bothered her like this on her day off. She didn't deserve the added stress.

"Mija?" her brows furrow.

"Hola, mami," she laughs nervously.

They're in the house, and the air is thick with tension. Amity stands stiffly to the side while Camila sits at the table with her face in her hands. Luz stands beside her wife. Camila looks up at them again from her hands, something disappointing in her eyes. Amity's mostly worried about first impressions, thinking that disappointment might be better than so this is the vagina I saw on Twitter. She hopes it's not that.

She decides to shoot her shot, her hands aching from holding this basket any longer. She clears her throat politely and steps a bit closer toward Camila, doing a slight bow with her head like this is a ritual or something. "Miss Noceda, I brought you these Mandarin oranges. Luz told me they were your favorite," she smiles, holding the basket out to her. She's relieved when a strained little smile appears on her face, and she takes the basket.

"Thank you, Amity. You're a sweet girl." her slightly accented voice says, and it's just the right mixture of deep warmness that sounds just like home. How do the Nocedas always have such beautiful voices?

"Of course." she chirps. "I was really excited to meet you."

"Thank you," she nods politely. "Er, remind me again. How did you meet Luz?"

"Uh," Amity panics, thinking how their origin story isn't exactly wholesome. Luckily, Luz steps up beside her.

"We met at work. We worked on Disney channel together, remember?"

Camila looks away. "Ah. And tell me, you two are engaged?"

"Married," Amity cuts in.

"We got married, back in August."

Camila thinks for a moment, and she buries her face in her hands again. Amity looks up at Luz and sees her grimace. "I just...it's been four years, mija, and I haven't heard anything from you!"

"I know-,"

"And then you just show up at my door and you're married, to a woman no less,"

"Well… what's wrong with that?"

"Ay, estoy tan mareada, nothing's wrong with that, mija." She looks at her. "I at least would have liked to know! I would have liked to be at my only daughter's wedding! I would have liked to get to know my daughter-in-law. I would have liked to hear from you."

Luz stays quiet, holding back tears. She really has no rebuttal for any of this. The way everything happened was so irresponsible and wrong. She imagines a life where it was normal, the way she fell in love. Family, a big wedding like Amity wanted. Somewhere else to call home.

"I mean, I know nothing! Ya ni te conozco,"

"You two could catch up," Amity suggests brightly, trying to help her wife. "Now that you're reunited, you could talk about everything you missed."

Everyone stays quiet, and Amity sighs. "I'm sorry, Miss Noceda. It really isn't my place to get between this, but...Luz is a very busy person. She works hard on her acting career. We barely get any time to ourselves these days. She's so overworked sometimes."

"Mija, I know you're a busy woman now, and I understand how important your job is to you."

Luz waits in anticipation, hoping for a way out.

"But...couldn't you at least call me?"

"I'm sorry, mami, I really am." she says quietly, looking down. "There's no excuse. I got too wrapped up. I'm sorry to dump all this on you now."

Camila doesn't say it's okay. She doesn't even say anything for a while. Luz sits down on the couch and her old kitty cat King jumps up in her lap. Amity still stands anxiously near the dinner table, waiting. Suddenly, Camila addresses her, a sociable tone in her voice when she says, "So…your hair?"

Amity, files through all of the cabinets in her mind in record time before finally settling on, "Oh, yeah," she laughs stiffly, curling a lock of it around her finger. "It's green."

"Very… interesting." she says, trying to sound earnest. Amity grimaces. "What studio are you working for?"

"I'm currently with Hallmark, mostly with minor rolls until I can get cast for something bigger."

"That's nice," she stops, hesitating. Then she motions for Amity to come closer and slowly, she does. Camila takes her hand between both of hers, holding it gently. She sighs. "Listen, Amity. I want you to know that I accept you as my own, and I'm happy Luz found someone like you to balance her out. You seem like a very sweet girl. You're a part of this family, too. You're a Noceda."

Her eyes water, and she can't blink back the tears. This was all she wanted. She just...wanted to be accepted, a part of something whole and real and right. She wanted to belong.

"Miss Noceda, that means more than you'll ever know. Thank you."

"Of course," she nods, and this time she smiles a real smile. Amity sees Luz watching them affectionately. She's so happy. "Could I offer you any tea?"

"Oh, I would love that," she says politely, even if she wasn't the biggest fan of tea.

"Great, I'll warm some up for you. Just wait."

Amity joins Luz on the couch, leaning into her neck and kissing there gently. "See? I told you it would be fine." she whispers.

"You were right. You're always right."

Amity giggles, comforted. She reaches to gently pet the cat in her wife's lap, stroking him behind his ear. He's so cute. She's so happy. She feels real, like this was the way it's supposed to be. Maybe they should get a pet. It would be fun to have a little creature running around the apartment when Luz was gone. Someone she could cuddle up with and fall asleep.

Luz is so amazing, and she was so shocked about Camila. Her and her mom were so similar in resemblance, it scared her a little. They were so close, down to the eyes. Camila was so gentle and sweet. She wonders where in the world Luz got her possessiveness from, her constant need for control, her desire to hurt, her coldness. They were polar opposites in that way. Maybe Luz really did need her mom.

"That went well," Amity remarks as they're getting back in the car to go home.

Luz just shrugs.

"Is there something wrong?"

Luz stares at the steering wheel for a moment, then chuckles. "No. I'm happy."

"I'm happy, too."

"Good." she says playfully, grinning at Amity. "Ready to go home, my lovely wife?"

"Anywhere you go, I'll follow."

Luz watches her for a moment, starstruck. "You're really sweet, you know that?"

"It's just the way I feel."

Luz nods to herself in disbelief, turning to put the car in drive and pull off from her mom's house.

"...Hey, Luz?"

"Yeah?"

"What if we got a pet?"

"If that's what you want. Anything you want," she replies contentedly.

Luz is trying to get Amity in the mood, because she's a little bit frisky right now. It's not hard to get Amity to have sex, but she likes to initiate and be at least a little creative. She's leaving for work again that Sunday, and it's already Friday, so she wanted to get in as much quality time with her wife as possible.

She's sitting on the edge of the bed when Luz comes into the bedroom. She leans against the doorway, watching her for a moment, getting impatient when she doesn't notice her. "Busy?" she asks. Amity looks up from her phone.

"No, not at all. Why?"

Luz smirks, coming to stand in front of Amity. She half expects her to pull her in or muzzle her chest, or something. But for some reason she's being stubborn and Luz is not so used to trying hard. So she kneels down in front of her, giving her a bored look.

"Are you trying to seduce me?"

"Maybe," she holds her face gently, leaning in to kiss her lips very softly. It's a tactic she uses to make Amity beg for more. Like magic, her wife kisses back, deepening the kiss and moaning quietly. She breaks it softly, saying, "I wanted to spend some time together, before I leave."

"We still have plenty of time." she kisses her.

"Then let's make the best of it." she says, her voice low. "Can you take your shirt off for me?"

"Yes," she says breathlessly, slipping her top off over her head with ease. Much to her surprise, Luz takes hers off as well, and she puts their shirts in a bundle and tosses it away, long forgotten.

Amity bites her lip, stealing another kiss from her wife before she gets on the bed. She sits behind her on her knees, kissing her neck slowly down the side. It's a peaceful moment when Luz's arms wrap around her waist from behind, holding her close. She's so warm and real. Kisses drift down to the back of her shoulder, and she asks gently, "Is this okay?"

"It's perfect."

"Good." Luz's hands find the clasp of her bra. "May I?"

"Yes, please," she says softly. Luz carefully unhooks it, pulling the straps slowly down her shoulders and then pulling it off to drop it down off the bed. Almost immediately, her hands come smoothly round the sides of her body to the front, taking her soft breasts and squeezing gently. Amity moans, breathing steadily.

"I know this is your favorite," she whispers, pushing her chest together, apart, squeezing tighter. "I know how much you like this."

"Fuck. It feels nice."

"You feel nice," she teases, squeezing harder. Luz hums delightedly close to her ear, laughing. "Why do you like this so much?"

Amity struggles for a moment to speak, and Luz doesn't even try to help her by nibbling softly at her earlobe. She lets out a cute little moan that endears the hell out of Luz, and she feels a shuddering breath shaking through her whole body. "Your hands. I love your hands…"

"Why do you love my hands?"

"You're so good at touching me…" she says, almost swooning. "It makes me so happy that you like to touch me, ...and that you know how to make me feel good. I was made for you to touch me."

"I do like touching you, very much." Luz says soothingly. She stops touching her nipples to wrap her arms around her waist and just hug her close, feeling her wife's warmth, feeling the sick obsession even though all this. It's such a quiet moment. Amity stays silent, and it almost feels delirious from her. "I like being close to you." she whispered.

"I like it too. It's all I ever want."

"I'm glad you like it when I touch you. I always wondered if you were feeling good," she sighs, starting to feel a little sentimental, which is the wrong time. By now, Amity has started to climb into her lap and wraps her arms around Luz's neck, kissing her lips sweetly.

"That's a really stupid thing to wonder." she sniggers softly through her nose, and feeling ashamed, Luz kisses her again, placing a hand on her back.

"How?" she whimpers.

Amity watches her for a moment with a gentle look in her eyes, cupping Luz's face. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to discredit your feelings. Tell me how you feel."

"How I feel…?" she thoughtfully looks away. "I feel stupid. But you aren't mad at me, are you?"

"Why would I be mad?"

"Well… there's a lot of reasons," she mumbles. "You probably couldn't even pick just one. But," she rests her hands on Amity's hips when she moves to stand on her knees over Luz's lap. She rests her face on her wife's soft, naked chest, nuzzling affectionately. It's so wonderful and warm. She feels her hands at the back of her neck, playing idly with the little hair on the nape. "You know… when I touch you, I do it because I love you. And I can't—… express that well enough to you with words, so I thought, if I use touch, then—,"

"I understand. And you're doing great. I dream about you. I love you with… all of my heart." she says gently.

"I know," she winces. "I love you too. But I want to touch you the right way. Not out of spite or lust. Just love. Just because I love you. But I don't know if that matters—or if that makes a difference. But," her eyes water up, and she wants to cry like a baby. "It's how I feel. I love you."

"It makes all the difference, my love," Amity keeps her voice smooth and comforting, lulling Luz into not losing her mind over this. Her hand tilts Luz's chin up and she gives her another soft kiss. "Show me what you mean."

"I don't know what I mean," she shudders against her lips. Amity kisses her again, and again, and again until they get lost in a gentle and slow pattern of sleepy kisses, and Amity guides her hand slowly up to her shoulder. Unsure, she keeps going to hold her face, breaking off softly to start peppering sweet little kisses all over her face. "I love your face. I love your beautiful eyes, and your laugh, when I make you laugh. I love it when you look at me."

"It's all for you. I'm so happy because of you. Your love makes me beautiful. You make me so glad about my life. It was nothing before you came." she giggles, tingles rushing up her spine, tears burning her eyes. Feeling Luz kiss her eye, then her cheek.

"I like it when you touch me. It makes me wanna break down and cry for hours. It makes me wanna get on my knees and beg you for more. Isn't that crazy? Only you can get me to cry," she sounds almost hysterical.

"That's exactly how I feel about you!" Amity begs her to understand desperately. "I love you. I love how you kiss me and hold me and protect me. I love you so much, Luz," she grabs two fistfuls of her wife's hair, holding on tight as she feels the light butterfly kisses trailing down her neck.

"...You have my heart, Amity, ...will you protect it?"

"With my life. With everything that I am."

"Only you. Forever."

Luz pulls away to look at her, and Amity stares back, unsure. After a brief pause, Luz leans in and traps her lips in a deep, hungry kiss. Amity moans, low and carnal and Luz pushes her down on the bed to climb over her.

"Confess to me," Amity gasps for air, Luz kissing her neck again but this time it's harder and more painful with lovebites and hickeys. She breathes heavily, taken with emotional whiplash, confused as hell but also not really caring that much, because when did being with Luz ever make any sense?

"I love you," she says breathlessly, effortlessly, again and again and again as she pinches her nipple between her teeth again. Amity clutches at her hair, running her hands up and down her back as a desperate attempt to hold something and keep herself grounded. "It's my hard earned confession. I'm so sorry I took so long. I love you, I love you, I love you,"

"I love you too," she moans, arching her back and rocking her hips steadily into Luz's body, extremely aroused at her warm mouth around her sensitive nipple. It feels so good and wonderful. It's to die for. She would do anything for this. "You're mine," she pants. And that drives Luz crazy.

"I'm all yours, please,"

"You are. Forever. All for me. My one and only, Luz. It's you."

Luz whimpers, slowly running a hand along her body to reach down between her legs and softly stroke Amity's pulsing, wet sex. "Mmm, yes. Touch me there." she gasps, moaning loudly at the feeling of her fingers delicately spreading her outer folds open and sinking right inside to her clit, thrusting her fingers jerkily. "Oh, fuck yeah. It feels really good. Fuck, Luz. You're mine."

"Am I making you feel good?" she whispers.

"Yes," she says awkwardly for lack of a better word, incredulous at her inability to speak. All she can do is rock her hips in with the move of Luz's fingers, hitting her sweet spot in just the right way that it's fucking insane how perfect and how good she is at this.

She kisses her neck softly, fingering her wife roughly and getting so worked up from her reactions. "Don't stop," she moans. "Please don't stop. Luz,"

"I won't. Not ever."

"Fuck. You're perfect. You're going so fast, aren't you?" she pants to keep up, chewing her lip anxiously at the flood building low in her stomach. "This is so perfect. I'm probably going to explode if you keep fucking me like that. I love you."

"I love you too,"

Amity moans a bit louder this time, rolling her hips with Luz's methodical fingers. She's getting so sweaty, closing her eyes and listening to the sounds of her wife, taking in everything, how wonderful she is. She liked this. She could get used to this.

Blissful moments pass, and before any of them know it, hours go by. It's a night full of pleasure and passion, and Amity wants to cry at how good it feels, how happy it makes her. Mostly, the room is quiet, so well into the night, it's jolting when—

Luz's phone rings. She sighs, halting her fingers. She nuzzles into her wife apologetically, kissing her softly. "Ah, ...it's… let me take this, okay?" she says gently, slightly pulling away. "I forgot. My manager told me he was going to call me."

"Why so late?" She asks, her voice pinched with annoyance.

"It's a different time zone over there."

Amity whines first, still coming back down from her high. She reaches down to push Luz's hand away, kissing her lips softly. "Can you take it later?" she whispers.

"Mi corazón," Luz sighs. "I'll be quick, I promise."

"Okay," she huffs. "Fine."

Luz gently pulls her fingers out of Amity, sitting up. "Be right back," she gets up and goes to wash her hands before coming back into the bedroom to pick up the phone.

She leaves the room for a bit, and Amity curls up into herself, naked and alone when she should be feeling good with her wife. She listens to her in the living room as she talks business on the phone. So professional. So sexy. She wants to taste her and destroy that professional business voice, make her moan and scream her name.

She wanders back to the bedroom, standing in the doorway and she talks about flight changes with her casting agency. It makes Amity disappointed, but above all else she's distracted by her wife's nude figure. She idly bites her lip and Luz raises an eyebrow. She can't help but stare at her, leaning easily against the door frame, her naked chest, those boyshorts hugging her waist so perfectly.

After a while, she hangs up the phone and quickly shuts the door again, setting her phone on the nightstand. She goes to wash her hands again before returning to bed. "Now, where were we?" she climbs over Amity again.

"I was about to come," she says quietly, kissing her. "You were telling me how good I am…"

"Oh yeah?" she grins. "And where were my fingers?"

"Inside of me."

"Doing what?"

Amity giggles, staring incredulously up at her wife. When Luz doesn't let up, she puts a hand on her chest and tries to push her away, but she barely moves because Luz is just too strong for her. But Amity turns her head away, squeezing her eyes shut and laughing. "T—that's anyone's guess."

"What are you talking about?" she raises her eyebrows. "Last time I checked, it was just you and I in this bed, having sex."

Amity flushes, her mind going blank. "I meant… between me and… you…?" she tries.

"Are you embarrassed?" she teases.

"Never," she looks at her affectionately, then playfully pushing her face away. "...But I think that pretty much killed the mood."

Luz bites the inside of her cheek disappointedly. "Yeah, I thought so."

Amity can't help the weak little smile that spreads across her face, lightly tracing a finger along Luz's face. "Do you think we made love?"

"I think so," she says quietly, laughing. She leans down to kiss her face softly, burying her face in her neck. Amity holds the back of her neck, closes her eyes. Sighing, the initial post-bliss wading away, she starts to feel anxious. "We'd better get to sleep if we're gonna get to the airport by six."

"Okay. Yeah, you're right. I just," she sighs, stopping herself.

"What?"

Amity pauses, debating on whether to even say anything "...I can't believe you're leaving me again."

Luz stays quiet.

"You promised. ...You always break your promises." she says, sounding sad. "You love to disappoint me don't you?"

"Where...where did you get that from?" she asks irritably.

Amity thinks for a moment. "You're always so quick to promise me, but you never follow through."

Luz pulls away, holding herself up over Amity slightly to glare at her. "Well, promises are a social construct."

"What does that have to do with this?"

"Think about it. You can't promise anything. I don't know the future."

Amity chews her lip anxiously, feeling stupid under her wife's contrived little excuse, even if she knows she's in the wrong. "A promise is what you make it. If you… if you can't keep it then why lie to me in the first place?"

Luz watches her, unbelieving. "I have to work."

"I know," her eyes water. She reaches up to hold her shoulder, desperate to feel her and diffuse the situation. They had just spent the whole night making love and being close, and already they were arguing. "I just… you knew that. I knew that. So why did you make a promise you knew you couldn't keep?"

Luz looks guilty, looking away. "I'm sorry. I'm a human too. I make mistakes." she leans her face back into Amity's neck, kissing softly. "You'll have to excuse me. I'll work on that, okay?" she whispers.

"Okay." Amity sighs, staring up at the ceiling, a tear rolling down her cheeks. She wraps her arms around her back, pulling her wife closer, feeling her warmth. "I just want to be with you. It was really hard. I don't want to be apart."

"I know, perfecta. But you know how important acting is to me. This is my career, and I have to follow it. Even if that means being apart for a while."

"Okay. I understand." she says softly.

When Amity wakes up, she's still in her wife's arms. She moves a bit, shocked when Luz says softly, "Buenos dias, amor,"

She hugs her tighter, chills running up her spine. "Buenos dias," she replies shyly.

Luz laughs. "Sleep well?"

"Of course. I always do when I'm in your arms."

Luz lets out a little sigh, gently kissing her forehead. She hesitates before speaking. "I'm sorry if I made you upset last night. I was wrong. You were right. You're always right."

"It's okay," Amity says quickly. "I love you. I forgive you." She places a hand on her chest, feeling her warm skin. "I understand that you have to work. I want you to do whatever it takes."

She sighs again, bringing Amity's hand up to her lips and kisses her knuckles softly. "So you'll still take me?" She asks quietly.

"Of course I will."

This time Luz cracks a smile, leaning in to kiss her lips again. "You're so sweet. I don't deserve you."

Damn right you don't. But that's what makes this worth it.

They get dressed and drive for an hour to LAX through the early morning rush hour traffic. It's crowded. Sunday's probably the worst day to ever come to an airport.

After customs, Luz and Amity are waiting near the terminal for the flight to be ready for take off. It's early, and Amity is still tired. She loves her Luz. She looks so cute and cuddly and warm in her sweater, a large overnight bag slung over her shoulder. She can't help wanting to bury her face into her chest and hold her close around her waist.

"Hey, Amity?" Luz asks quietly.

Amity pulls away to look at her, shocked when Luz holds both of her hands in hers. She hesitates, looking her in the eye with a sincere, shameful expression. "I'm sorry I'm not good enough."

"No—,"

"No. You don't have to say anything, okay? I'm just… I'm trying to be better, for you." she leans in to kiss her lips softly. "And I'm done breaking promises."

Amity looks away, but Luz gently tilts her chin up with a finger. "When I get back, I'll take you on a date. Let's fall in love again." she says tenderly against her lips.

"I fall in love with you every day," Amity whispers, and Luz giggles delightedly, kissing her again, deeper.

"Can I make my first real promise to you?" She asks sweetly, holding up her pinky finger. Amity watches it wistfully, all the promises broken over this. But she's too in love to care right now about the statistics and probability of Luz's gentle smile, her soft voice, quiet to keep this personal moment private from all the tired people waiting in the terminal.

"Yes."

"I promise that I'll never leave you, ever again."

Amity hooks her pinky around hers, and the promise is made, but the two of them can't wait to break it.

When Amity gets back home, she gets into one of Luz's sweaters. It smells like her pine soap, and slightly like her sweat, the way she smells after… well. In her mind, it's slightly sexual. The scent is so familiar, so sexy. She sniffs it fervently, and decides to wear only this sweater. No bra or underwear, just the fabric against her skin like a part of Luz is still with her.

She cries herself to sleep, and when she wakes up and turns on her phone, there's one missed call and two texts.

Luz?ᅡᅠ

made it

Call me when you wake up

Without wasting a second, Amity calls her one and only true love on a FaceTime call, and after a few rings, she picks up. "Hi," she says eagerly, heart leaping at the sight of Luz laying down in her pajamas.

"Have a good nap?"

Amity squints. "How did you know I was napping?"

"Eh. I figured you'd probably go home and cry until you fell asleep."

Heat rushes to her cheeks and she looks away, embarrassed. "Am I that predictable?"

Luz hums decisively as she turns to her side in bed, pulling a pillow under her head then says sweetly, "You are. But it's cute. That's why I love you."

"I can't help it. I miss you."

"I miss you too. You hanging in there?"

Amity sighs. "No. You're my life. I need you here, with me."

"Aw, mi corazòn. I'll return to you soon, I promise. Do you trust me?"

"Always." She says longingly.

"Thank you," she hesitates, looking away from the phone. "Thank you for being my good sport. You always believe in me, even when I don't deserve it. I love you, Amity."

"I love you too. I'll always follow you, wherever." She gazes at her wife through the screen, wishing with every bone in her body that she was here, right now, in her arms.

"My sweetheart," she says lovingly. Sighing, she says quietly, "I meant what I said earlier. I'll make it all up to you. Okay?"

"Okay." Wanting to change the subject, she asks, "How was the flight?"

Luz watches her for a moment. "It was fine. I wasn't in first class or anything so my knees are hurting like hell. There's no way I'm doing any stunts tomorrow."

"Stunts?" Amity laughs.

"Yeah. That script I got was pretty crazy. I think we're just out here for the scenery. Maybe even just b-roll. Most of the stuff we filmed a couple months ago in LA." she furrows her brows. "Now that I think about it, I don't really know what I'm doing here."

"Guess you'll find out tomorrow."

"Yeah. I should get to sleep. It's already going on two here." She scrubs at her eyes, yawning. "I'll talk to you later mi dulce esposa?"

"I don't know what that means, but, yes." she giggles.

Luz laughs her pretty laugh, and Amity wishes it was close to her ear or into her neck, as they kissed. But she's miles away and it would be so long before she saw her again, got to hold her close. "I love you. Night."

"I love you too." she says sadly. Luz watches her for a few seconds, concerned.

"Hey. What's wrong?" She asks quietly.

Amity blinks, a little embarrassed. "Nothing, I just… miss you so much. I feel like I'm going crazy without you and it's only been a few hours." She puts an arm over her eyes, letting a tear fall before laughing self consciously. "Gosh. I'm sorry. I must sound so clingy."

"No. I like it," she says playfully, and she has this smug look on her face when Amity looks back at the screen. It makes her insides twist up with a pleasant tingle rushing up her back. How perverted can her wife be? "Listen," she sighs. "It's only for a month. That's thirty days, not counting it's already technically the next day. So, twenty nine. I'll be home in twenty nine days. Do you think you can wait that long?" she asks, her voice light and sweet.

"No…"

"At least you're honest," Luz laughs a little. "Well… I can try to ask to come back home early."

"N—no! I would feel so bad."

"It would be worth it, for you."

Amity looks away again, thinking about it for a split second. "You miss me too?"

"Of course. With all of my heart." She says, and with how sincere it sounds, Amity's swooning. "I love you."

"I love you too… so much. I'm sorry. You should get to bed." she sniffles, wiping away more tears. "Call me tomorrow, okay?"

Luz looks like she wants to say something, but decides against it. Nodding, she says, "Night."

She hangs up, and Amity's left alone with her thoughts again. In the darkness of the bedroom. The solitude of their small apartment. It's so quiet. She huffs and shuts her phone off, setting it down on the bed. Sometime along then, she falls back asleep.

As the days go by, longer and longer without her, Amity starts to realize something.

But no matter how hard Luz tries, how gentle she is, how passionately she kisses her, she can't keep Amity from drifting away, melting from the heat. Too much fire, and everything's burning down, the perfect happily ever after that they worked so hard for, gave everything up for.

Nothing can save this. Not the bouquet of red roses she bought her, not the fancy restaurant she took her to. Not the expensive champagne they drank, and definitely not Luz's determination.

Closing her eyes, Amity moans as Luz kisses her neck, and they fall deeper and deeper into another moment. It's just another moment. A hazy, thick moment. She knows this isn't right. But if she plays her cards right, this might help.

Luz realizes that she's stuck, in this weird way. Amity is her muse. Someone so beautiful that she could only dream of being with. And here she was, unrightfully married to her. She had her. And the best part was that she loved her in return.

Amity's love is passionate and bright like a star. Luz wants to be burned up by it, every inch of her skin covered in her flame. She's so captivated, so in love that she's in trouble for it every day, that it might all disappear soon.

That it will disappear soon.

She finds herself delighted by Amity's voice, glad to hear what she had to say, because it was important, and everything about her was a pleasure to Luz. If only she could reach her.

She can touch her, like her right hand gliding up along her body and pulling down the zipper of her dress, how easy it is and how she knows that it's okay to do this.

The way they end up on the bed together, Amity trapped underneath Luz. How when she's kissing slowly down her naked thigh, Amity whimpers quietly to speak up. Luz pulls up to look at her, and she seems embarrassed.

"I um," she starts off anxiously. "I tried cleaning up down there for you … but I nicked it, and I tried to heal it up, but…"

"Does it still hurt?"

"Yes."

"I see. I'll be careful, okay?"

"Okay," Amity shudders, and to soothe her she kisses her inner thigh again. The funny thing was, Luz had shaved too. This was important to her. She had to make a good impression on the first day back, had to leave her wife breathless by the end of tonight because if she didn't…

It's a fleeting anxiety, because she has to be a certain way when they're like this. She can't panic or be unsure. She has to be the easy breezy, sexy Luz that Amity was in love with.

And Luz knew that this wasn't true. She didn't have to pretend for Amity. She didn't have to act because Amity was the girl who loved and accepted her so wholeheartedly, with open arms. She could cry in her arms guilt free and Amity would still love her.

Luz never knew that emotional honesty could be something she was so attracted to.

Honest or not, Amity knew how to have a good time. Because a lot of their relationship is based on lies and promises and spite, there needed to be no consistency. There were no consequences. And when Amity was in control, she had lots of great ideas.

Luz needed someone to follow, someone to tell her what to do. Without that, she was lost. It took her a long time to get to that point, but somehow Amity always wears her down. It's in more ways than one.

She never thought she could say her name so passionately, how it's like a magical incantation on her tongue. She realizes that it's the only name she wants to scream, the only face she wants to see. The only girl she wants to kiss… sigh. She's so dreamy. She's the only person she wants.

Now she knows how Amity feels. Felt. (She doesn't really know anymore)

If the sex counts for anything, then Amity really missed her a lot. Being cross country really does have its benefits for a failing relationship, …but this. This was just incredible.

They go for hours, early into the night. And it's not all just that. They cuddle and they talk. They melt back into each other's lives after being apart for so long. Luz's favorite part is holding her close, feeling her skin against hers. She likes kissing her so deeply that it's alarming how out of breath they are.

Amity's weird—or, borderline abnormal at the very least. She says, "I want to kiss you all over," with a little laugh and then kisses her stomach. She notices the little things about Luz, and with each moment with her that passes, she regrets buying that fancy suit because she's spent more time out of it than in it.

She thinks, maybe it wouldn't be so hard to keep that endgame promise. If only she could feel this way about everything all the time. If only what they had was love. If only this could be.

She sort of wonders when she became this type of person, the one who cared about the little things.

Well. She had chores as a person living in this apartment, and Amity liked their living space to be clean. Really, she does most of the work like cooking and dishes, and Luz took cleaning duty.

Right now, she was mopping the tile flooring in the living room/kitchen area, and she had just finished. She wipes some sweat from her brow, not used to working so hard. She leans the mop against the hallway and is walking toward the bedroom when she catches her wife in the bathroom, sitting down on the floor against the door with her knees to her chest. She halts, watching her for a second and not knowing what to do. Her face is buried in her hands but she's completely still.

Wordlessly, Luz sits down on the floor next to her, hissing quietly when her back aches. She's gotten so old. Not so bad for a twenty-something, though.

She crosses her legs, sitting quietly next to Amity, but neither of them say anything for a while until Luz finally asks, "Anything wrong?"

Amity takes a deep breath and finally lifts her head, but she doesn't look at Luz. "I got an audition."

Luz bites the inside of her cheek, leaning her head forward to try and look her in the eyes, but Amity turns her head away. "That's great," she says encouragingly, raising her eyebrows a little. "You've been working hard. I'm proud of you."

"But… what if I don't get the part? What if they reject me?" she says quietly. "I don't know if I can handle another rejection."

Luz looks down, finally understanding why her wife is upset. She sighs, leaning back to rest against the door. She looks up and stares idly at the boring, plain white ceiling, the paint cracking a bit. "I'm not gonna lie to you. This is a pretty harsh industry we're in, you know?"

Amity nods, still looking away.

"You don't always get the part. That's okay, though." she says slowly. "Can't win them all. It's not really up to you."

It goes quiet between them again.

Amity whimpers, burying her head in her hands again. "I vomited twice."

Luz's eyes widened calmly. "Damn. That nervous?"

"I'm just… scared."

Luz reaches over to soothingly rub her back, slipping a careful hand up the back of her neck and combing fingers into the hair on the nape of her neck. She scratches her scalp softly with her fingertips, just the way she knows Amity likes. She sees her shoulders relax a bit, but she still seems antsy.

"I'll be right back," Luz says after getting an idea that she should probably try to help her wife. She goes to the kitchen and pours some Pepto Bismol in a small medicine cup, and then gets some fresh fruit in a bowl for her to snack on. She comes back to the bathroom (which is an odd meeting spot now that she thinks about it) and nudges Amity's knee with her foot to get her attention. She lifts her head again, accepting the medicine Luz hands her. She sits back down next to her and places the bowl of fruit between them.

"Thank you." she smiles, finally. "You're the best."

Luz feels guilty, because Amity is wrong. "It's the least I could do."

Amity takes a deep breath to ground herself, quickly taking the Pepto to help her sick stomach. It makes her mouth glossy, and she idly licks over her teeth. She takes a strawberry to get rid of the feeling, thinking how maybe some water would be nice, but she didn't want to ruin this moment. Not when Luz was watching her so closely, concern in her eyes.

"You okay?"

Amity nods, smiling gently. "I'm good." She watches Luz anxiously. Taking the bowl of fruit into her lap, she scoots closer to her wife. She leans against her, head on her shoulder, feeling all warm and fuzzy when Luz's arm comes around to hold her close. "I just need some time to think about it."

"No problem," Luz leans down and kisses her temple warmly. It's so sweet and charming that Amity hesitates before looking up to press a soft kiss to her lips, sighing in relief when she kisses back. "I'll help you if you want."

"I don't need any help," she rushes to say, biting her lip and burying her face in her neck again to hide. "I just… I have to prepare myself. For possible failure."

"Okay." Luz says simply.

Amity pulls away again, eyeing the bowl of fruit carefully, mouth watering at the idea of eating anymore. She thinks she should probably eat some more now that she's got the Pepto in her stomach. Maybe she could hold something down now. She felt weird at the idea of being so nervous that her body was unable to function properly.

She tries a small blueberry, then another. It's fresh, and cold, and exactly what she'd needed.

Truth was, she'd been worried about her career since the first day she met Luz. Obviously, this relationship is a huge part of her life, and she feels like maybe it's consumed her. Like her love for her wife had somehow made her lose her touch, what made her such a good actress in the first place. She'd just gotten so caught up in life that she wasn't sure if she even had a chance anymore.

It showed, with each role she was rejected for, or each audition she failed. It hurt. It hurt so much to be turned down, when she never really had to experience anything close to consecutive failures in her entire acting career before now. Before Luz.

Maybe…

"I don't think I'm going to take it."

Luz is quiet for a few seconds. "I think you should. Just try. That's all you can do."

"I can't do it," her voice cracks, eye watering.

Luz tilts her chin up with a finger. "Yes you can. I know you can." she kisses her, and Amity kisses back, letting a tear fall. "You're my talented, beautiful Amity. I know what you're made of. I've seen you." she grins. "Remember? We were co-workers."

Amity lets out a horrified little laugh. "I know, but… what if I'm different?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like…" she sighs. "What if I'm not the Amity you remember?"

"Maybe you've changed a little…" she says softly, kissing the corner of Amity's mouth. "We both have. But you can still adapt. That's what I love about you."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Desire and love tug at her heart, and she pushes the bowl out of her lap to climb on to Luz's lap, straddling her. Luz looks taken by delicious surprise, placing her hands on Amity's hips. "What would I do without you?" she asks breathlessly.

"You tell me." she smirks.

"I'll give you a little hint..." she takes her hand, guiding it underneath her shirt slowly. Luz breathes anxiously, fingers twitching along her skin as Amity pushes it higher. "I'd be lonely, and I'd have no one to do this with…"

"You pervert."

Amity giggles airily, getting turned on by Luz's playful opposition. "You like it. It drives you crazy." she whispers close to her ear.

"I do like it," she hums, roughly tugging her bra down and exposing one of her breasts. Amity fights back a smile, jerking her hips forward when Luz takes it into her hand and squeezes playfully. "You know what I like."

"You like my body," she says smartly. "You like that I'm so crazy for you."

"Are you crazy for me?"

Amity blinks. "Yes!"

"Couldn't tell," she teases lightly, kissing her lips softly. Amity moans, holding her face and kissing back deeply. Luz doesn't want to get off topic, but even pulling away from her is harder and harder to do these days.

Taking her hand, she breaks the kiss. She holds it between hers, giving Amity a hopeful look. "Hey. Take that audition. I promise you're gonna get it."

Amity doesn't get it, and she spends the next few weeks depressed about it. Luz can't help but feel like it's her fault.

And then one day, she says, "This is your fault," as she's crying. Luz looks at her confusedly, blinking back the hurt tears.

More and more, she felt a tension, and Amity was on the brink of something. Luz tried to be helpful, but it always backfired.

Amity drops her face into her chest, clutching onto Luz's shirt as she sobs. "I wish… I wish we never met,"

And, she'd said things like that before. They both had said their fair share of things to each other. But they never meant it. They always made up.

But now, Luz couldn't even make it up to her. Amity didn't want to kiss or hug, she didn't even want Luz's arm around her when they slept. Everything was slowly falling apart. Maybe there was never anything there in the first place.

"We shouldn't have gotten married," Luz says, the sudden realization dawning on her. She kisses her hair, whispering, "I'm sorry."

"Should we stop?" Amity asks one night as they're laying in bed, cuddled up together. Somehow, Luz already knows exactly what she means.

"It's too late for this, Amity. Can we talk in the morning?" she groans.

"No," she stammers, staring sternly at her. "I want to talk now."

Luz is quiet before sighing. "Okay," she gives up. "Go ahead."

"Should we stop being together? Is it making you miserable?"

"No."

Amity looks away. "It's making me feel trapped. I haven't felt truly happy since we met, you know…"

"That's fun to know." she says confusedly, slightly offended.

"Luz," she grunts. "Let's be mature about this. Can you listen to me and try to understand what I'm saying? Please?"

"Okay. I'm listening."

"You don't need to be so defensive when we talk about this. Listen." she buries her face in her neck, holding her hand underneath the cover. "I love you so much."

"And I love you."

"... I was happy to marry you. When you proposed to me, ...it was like all of my dreams came true. You're my dream, Luz." She sighs. "I wanted this to work. I really, really did. All I wanted was to be happy with you. I worked so hard. I waited so long for you…"

"Amity, don't—,"

"I loved you even when you treated me so… terribly. I waited because I thought you would be better. I believed you were better." She holds Luz's panicked face, letting a tear fall. "You're the sweetest, most wonderful person I've ever met. But you abused me in so many ways, for so long. And I can't live with that. I tried and tried for so long. But no matter how hard I try, when I look at you, all I feel is grief. And I can't do it anymore."

"Amity…" Luz swallows. "I'm sorry. I'm so—,"

"You're not the kind of person I want to spend my life with. But I love you so much." She cries.

"I love you too," Luz trembles, holding her arm tightly, searching her eyes for an answer. "I—I love you so much, Amity. Please just let me…"

"Luz, no." she stops her. "Listen to me—,"

"Let me make it up to you. Please. I'll do anything. I need you." her voice shakes, and Luz feels dizzy with regret and shame as the tables turn, begging Amity on her knees to stay. "I want you to be happy."

"So we should want what's best for each other. You decide what that means when I explain this to you." she takes a deep breath. "I'm not happy. Not truly. It's making me feel hopeless, the longer we stay together. But at the same time… you're all I want, and thinking about not being with you makes me feel like I'm going to die. I love you so much. I don't think you understand. But I need to be mentally stable. None of this matters if, in my mind, I'm depressed all the time, no matter how happy being with you makes me. Does that make sense?" she chews her lip anxiously.

"Yeah… I get it. So, you wanna break up?"

"No! ...I mean, yes?" she whimpers. "I want you to understand me."

"Then tell me what you mean!"

"I mean we shouldn't be together any longer, because it's taking a toll on my mental health and I can't keep doing this to myself. Luz! I love you with all my heart and I need you...but you're making me miserable!" tears spring quickly to her eyes again, getting emotional whiplash when Luz roughly pushes her away.

"Then go!"

"Luz," Amity sits up in bed. "I don't want to argue. Don't make me feel bad about this."

"What are you trying to tell me? I don't understand," Luz sounds like she's crying.

"Luz…" she cries softly, tears streaming down her face. "Tell me to stop. Tell me not to go. Please."

Luz watches her wildly, out of her mind. "If… if you want to go, then go."

"Luz…" she tries to cuddle up close to her again, but she gets pushed away again. Amity lets out a sob. "Can't we agree to let each other go? Can't we be supportive?"

Whenever this happens, Luz always chickens out. She gets out of bed and starts to get dressed. Amity cries harder, hoping her wife would come to her senses and comfort her, but no. Above all else, Luz is a coward.

"Where are you going?" Amity sniffles, watching her from the bed.

"I'm sorry. I need to just be alone for a while. Can we just think about this and decide what we want to do tomorrow?"

"Okay. But where are you going?"

"Back to my apartment. Where else?"

Amity's eyes water, briefly imagining that Luz might be cheating on her. Why else would she be so quick to get up and leave when she brought this up?

She takes a deep breath, shakily breathing out. "Okay. Then go."

Luz sighs. She's still for a moment after pulling her jacket on. "Aren't you gonna stop me?" she asks quietly.

Amity's heart skips. "Do you want me to?"

"Yes."

She thinks hard for a split second, racking her brain. She suddenly feels bitter, wanting her to suffer the uncertainty she felt. "No. I won't stop you. Grow up and make your own decisions for once." she says carefully. "If you're going to leave, then leave. Don't stick around just because you don't know what you want. I'm tired of trying to read your mind."

"Fine."

When Luz leaves, Amity cuddles up in the blanket, hot tears rolling down her face. She feels so stupid. So angry. She can't believe no matter how many times she trusts Luz, she always, always lets her down. She always wins. Maybe it's petty, but Amity wanted to be the one to walk away. It was always Luz.

Her head is spinning, and nothing makes sense. She wants to stop. She has to stop. They have to stop.

The next morning, Luz comes back, and Amity has changed her mind once again. She cries into her shoulder while her wife soothingly rubs her back, and she thinks it could work, if we just held on like this for a little longer. We could make it through.

But what are the consequences?

"I'm sorry, Amity. You're right about everything." she whispered. Pulling away, she uses both hands to cup her tear stained face. She kisses her forehead softly. "This has to stop. It isn't working. Deep down, we're both miserable."

Amity looks away, hiccuping.

"I love you so much. My beautiful perfecta. mi corazón." she says passionately, kissing her lips. "What would I do without you? ...You've helped me more than you can ever know. No matter what, I want you to be happy. And that's not with me."

"You're the only one who's ever made me happy." her voice is shaky and quiet. Luz sighs, kissing her again deeply.

"Me too. But it's been a long time… and this isn't the type of relationship I want to be in, no matter how much we love each other. I can't live with the guilt. Nothing can fix the damage I've caused. And I'm sorry for that."

"...What kind of relationship do you want to be in?" Amity asks hesitantly.

"I'll never love again," she laughs.

"Sure you will," she says, imagining Luz moved on with some other girl, holding her and touching her and kissing her the way they used to. All of the years and nights they spent together, loving each other wholeheartedly, being with each other was just enough. "It's going to be harder for me."

"So have you decided?"

Her eyes water up. She nods.

Luz looks at her for a moment. "Do you wanna break up?"

Amity takes a deep breath, taking the first step to getting better. "Yes."

"Okay," she sounds hurt, and it's the worst feeling of all when she kisses Amity's lips again, warm hands holding her face. Amity moans into her mouth, letting more tears roll down her cheeks, placing a hand over Luz's and trying her hardest to kiss back, even through the heartache.

A few days later they head down to the court office to file for their doomed, inevitable divorce. It was only a matter of time.

Luz signs the paper with a shaking hand, glancing over at Amity and feeling defeated.

"I can move out tonight, if you want." Luz says as she comes into the kitchen a little later when they're back at the apartment.

"That's okay. I can help you pack up and you can just leave after work tomorrow night." Amity says, and it makes Luz wonder.

"You want me to stay?" she can't help the little grin spreading across her face. Amity pulls her into a hug, burying her face in her chest.

"Just for tonight. ...After all, we're not officially divorced yet."

"This is true."

"So let's just spend a little more time together…"

Luz is briefly, strongly tempted by the idea at first, but she has to be the one to put a stop to this before they both end up changing their minds and make another post-sex wrong decision. She sighs, pushing Amity away. "Amity… no."

"W—why not?" she trembles.

"We have to stop. Or this will never end." she watches her, whispering. "I'm just trying to do the right thing."

Well, she was determined for twenty more minutes after that. Next thing she knows, she was waking up the next morning and stumbling into the bathroom naked.

She hisses, head throbbing from all the toasts they made last night.

She was over it. Slightly annoyed. This was it, anyway. There was no reason for her to drag it out. She grumbled, taking her toiletries like deodorant and shampoo, tossing them into her bag. She never thought this moment would be coming so soon. One moment she was a married woman and now she was packing up for a casual divorce.

Just adult things. Guess she grew up. She wonders how many more people she'd end up marrying and divorcing before she finally settled down. Maybe no one even wanted her, not the way Amity did.

"I'll help you," Amity says beside her, and Luz jolts out of her thoughts. "Want me to fold up your clothes?"

"Don't help me," she says snappily, taking her for granted the way she always did. She leaves the bathroom and storms the closet for all her clothes and crams everything into her bag.

"I don't want this to be sad, Luz. I'm trying to be positive and make the right decision." Amity says sensitively, kneeling down beside her and reaching to try and help, but Luz pushes her away.

"I'm happy. Never been better. Just stay out of the way and I'll be going soon."

Amity is quiet for a moment, looking down. "I love you." she says softly. "I'm always going to love you."

Luz looks at her wildly, mouth slightly falling open. Her Amity. Her bare shoulders, the gentle look on her face, the love still full in her eyes. They had broken up, but not fallen out of love. It was always going to be there. And Luz doesn't know if she can cope with that. Wouldn't it just be easier to stay together? Weren't they getting better?

Amity leans in and kisses her cheek, sliding the diamond ring off her finger and holding it out to Luz. "You… you don't want it?"

"It would hurt too much," she nudges her to take it. "It's really beautiful, after all this time. You should take it and get your money back. We could pretend this never happened."

"Okay…" Luz takes it, delirious.

Amity stands up and walks back into the bathroom, leaving Luz stuck with her thoughts.

Three Months Later

"I still miss her a lot," Amity says wistfully. She's lying long ways on this enchantingly comfortable sofa, head propped on the armrest. It all feels so typical. She feels like a crybaby.

But Edric and Emira told her therapy would be good, if not life changing. Right now, Amity just felt cheated out of her money. She had spilled her guts to this woman (Dr. Mina Chow) and the most reaction she'd gotten was a few nods or hums, scribbling of pen on paper.

She feels like she can be at least a little whiny. Admittedly, she feels like being a bitch, because this was not helping. Amity sits up slowly, glaring at the doctor from across the room. "Aren't you going to solve all my problems or prescribe me some pills?"

"I can if you want me to," she replies evenly, not taking any of her bullshit. That pisses Amity off. "But I need you to tell me how you feel so that I can give you my advice. You're a smart girl and I trust your vices. I can't fix your life, but I can help you work through your feelings that may provide you a bit of closure."

Amity mulls over that. "I don't know what I feel."

"Do you feel listless? Are you feeling sad?"

"I feel… used."

"That makes sense," Dr. Chow nods. "From shared experiences, abuse victims end up feeling used and act out to try and gain back some of that control, but ultimately feel useless without a partner's validation. Is that along the lines of anything you can agree with?"

Amity glares at her. "I'm not an abuse victim." she looks away. "I chose to be with her."

"My apologies, miss Blight. What do you think of yourself as a result of your previous relationship?"

"I don't think I'm anything." She sighs. "I was hers. And now that she's gone, what am I?"

"I see. You're struggling to find meaning in everyday life without the one thing you felt would be your whole life." She flips her notepad to a blank page and writes something down. "Let's do an exercise. If I could pose a question to you: What next?"

"... I dunno." Amity moves to sit correctly on the sofa, then getting bored, she pulls her knees up to her chest and looks down at the floral rug underneath the coffee table. "I thought maybe I'd quit acting. Finish college. Then move out of state. Far from here."

"Then what?"

Amity furrows her brows, getting slightly annoyed. "Fuck. I don't know. That's too far ahead."

"Okay. Perfectly fine. What about any future relationships?"

Laughing bitterly, she says remembering Luz's words, "I'll never love anyone again. I want to be by myself. I don't want anything to do with love ever again."

"Do you believe yourself?"

"No. Life's always unexpected. But how can I tell?" she groans. "At least for a long time, I don't want any type of relationship."

"Okay, miss Blight. That's fine. But let's talk hypothetically. If you were to ever feel ready for love again, what would be some of the desired characteristics of your new partner?"

"I don't know." she lays face down into the sofa, wanting to suffocate.

"You'd want something opposite of your previous partner, right? Someone who considered you?" she prompts.

"Yes. Someone who's gentle. Doesn't want anything from me, someone who understands me. But… at the same time I liked… I liked the way Luz treated me. I liked getting hurt, even if I knew it was wrong. I loved her, so it was okay, and it was just something that was a part of her. She liked control and she liked that I enabled that. I only allowed it because I wanted her to feel like she could be herself around me. I guess I… I just wanted her to see that I loved every part of her."

"That's helpful," she writes vigorously. "Would you say it was sexual in any way?"

"Definitely. I mean… we were both addicted to the sex. But it wasn't just that. We sometimes went on dates or went on trips. But sex was always the icing on the cake. It started as a way to get back at me for something I did to her when we first met. She took my attraction to her and used it as a way to punish me. And I liked that. But… it got… out of hand."

"I see. She took advantage of you?"

"No!" Amity rushes to say. "I… well I let her. I chose to. At any time I could have, well, technically speaking, I could have left. But I stayed because I loved her… and I wanted the sex. So I was trapped by choice. Trapped either way." she bites her lip anxiously. "Does that make sense?"

"Mhm. And what did your family think of this relationship?"

"I didn't… well. I distanced myself from everyone because they were trying to stop me from being with her. So I basically ran away with Luz. And we got married in Vegas… I wish someone was there to stop me. I was blinded by her. She's so…" she sighs dreamily. "She's so beautiful. I really miss her. I think about texting her every night and telling her to come back."

Dr. Chow hums observantly. "Do you think it's a good idea to still have her phone number?"

"No," she snorts. "That's why I'm staying with my siblings. Even if we did text, she couldn't come over or anything."

"If you could get back together, would you?"

Amity is put off by the question. "No." She hesitated, incredulous. "All things considered… it really was a nightmare. Like a wet dream," her stomach twists at the thought of Luz's voice, her warm, smooth, dark skin. The way she felt. The way she tasted. The way she sounded, the way she was so deliberate and precise. Her hands, her tongue, her mouth, kissing her lips, down her neck. Amity's cheeks flush. "She treated me so wrong. But the sex made it okay somehow. She violated me and made me do so many things I never wanted to do. But…"

"But?"

Amity looks away, shriveled up with guilt. "It felt so good."

1-909-376-2341 (Unknown)

(1)Voicemail, Luz's phone lights up on the nightstand around three in the morning, but she's fast asleep in her old bedroom at her mom's house, King cuddled up in her arms. When she wakes up the next morning, she deletes it.