I don't own shit. I did, then I would own shit.

Everyone who had working functioning eyeballs could notice something. Something that was steamy, erotic, hot and wholesome going on between Harry Potter and Bathilda Bagshot.

Nobody could deny what their eyeballs was showing them. Some said it was cursed, some said it was beauty given form.

To sum things up, Harry Potter thirsed after Gilfs.

The author would spare your weak little minds the details but the auhtor will make it known that whenever these two crossed paths, they eye-fucked. They used magic in their eyeballs to fuck each other; visually.

Talk about a penetrative glare. Regular sex is so 2022.

Anyways, these two were shameless as they had no problem with professing their love for one other. The two of them even walked outside in public! Whilst holding hands!

There is nothing more erotic than hand holding!

It was a good mid-summer day with the couple having a picnic, Harry eating Bathilda's homemade (expired) turkey sandwiches as Harry masturbated at the same time. Ejaculating on all the sandwich, he licked it all over before swallowing it whole, "I sure do love eating your turkey sandwiches with my good old home made sauce. Even better than your breastmilk and cookies Bathilda."

The freak would've done more freaky shit but Hagrid invited himself upon the scene.

"Harry!" He wheezed as he tripped and feel down, his face falling up Harry's exposed crouch, Harry's special sauce smearing all over his face. "I forgot to tell you, you are a wizard!"

"But ya already told me Hagrid."

"No, I mean, you are a cocksucking wizard Harry. You are a wizard that's designated to suck cocks."

Harry scratched his chinny chin chin thinking about it, "me no gae."

Hagrid fell on his knees begging for Harry to reconsider as he signed up Harry for a dick sucking contest. Should Harry not participate, he doesn't have a chance of winning the grand prize which was consisted of all you can weiners for a entire year!1!1!1!1!1!

"Ask Bathilda, she's a hoe. She'll probably do it is you ask her."

SLAP.

"Harry Potter! How dare you whore out your wife?" Bathilda roared glaring daggers ad her husband.

"Because you a hoe?"

"Understandable, have a good day." Bathilda responded, all of the anger within her very being washed away as if it was never there to begin with.

Hagrid spoke up, getting Harry's attention as Bathilda the old ass hoe was thinking of sucking dicks, "And the world dick sucking championship starts tomorrow. The prize money will be around 5 dollars, in other words, I will be rich!"

"We need to prepare Bathilda for the championship tomorrow! Right away!" Hagrid claimed as he pulled off his pants revealing is 1 inch erect pp.

Harry and Bathilda: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Hagrid: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Hagrid ran away into the night as the laughter of Harry and Bathilda assaulted his eyes. He never felt so humiliated before and never. In his eternal embarrassment, Hagrid never shown his face ever again.

The day of the dick sucking competition came around and let's just say the other competitors compared to Bathild sucked at giving mean head, if you lived as long as Bathilda, you eventually grow experience. She sucked off one of the judges so hard, he achieved nirvana and died.

As for Harry, he was awarded the prize money of $5 and bought himself a soda and gave it to Bathilda so she can suck his dick while drinking Pepsi at the same time as you see some thots do in pornwa

Harry be like: OH BABY BABY!

Bathilda be like: SLURP.

Hagrid be like:

Wait, he isn't even here. He was still in his self-exile of shame.

The author would write more but he lost interest.

H

arry x Bathilda OTP. If you disagree, you're a stupid poopface.

The end.

A/N: Wrote this while never reading the books or watching the movies.