A/N: Hi again there :)

Yes, this time I come with a story full of sadness, anguish, angst, tears, and drama. *I ask for forgiveness from the beginning.* I've had parts of this story in my mind probably for more than a year, and finally I dared to write it. It was originally a one-shot, but it became too extensive, so I divided it into 3 parts that I'll be posting during this week. As always, I'm sorry for the mistakes in my English.

This fic has a warning for aggressive cancer.

Despite the drama, I hope you enjoy it!

• ∞ • ∞ •

"Love is a terrifying thing. It's not safe. Because when you love someone, you have to face the fact that you could lose them.
Sometimes, life throws an unexpected wrench in your way. It might be that you're in jeopardy of losing your career, your freedom, or worst of all, you might even find out that a loved one has died. These things make you realize how precious life is. How important every second we have on this earth is. And how important the people we care about are to us."

He had always felt guilty about having lost so much time with her. He had always felt guilty that Donna had been ready long before to love him completely.

Knowing that he had lost so much time destroyed him, and it was something he tried not to think about very often… but, many times, especially when Donna is curled against him and feels at peace, thoughts torment him.

But Donna always knew how to calm him down and take those ideas out of his head. Although, that had been before.

Now, the time they had lost was one more burden on his back. He remembers the vows of their wedding, and that at that time, his greatest fear was to lose her, and that's why he had always been so afraid to love her.

"None of us know how much time we really have. It could be a minute. It could be an hour. It could be 50 years. But I know even if it's a hundred years, I'll never have enough time with you."

But he never believed that things could turn upside down. And that the one who could lose someone here was her, who had told her that not even a hundred years by his side would be enough.

And now the pain of not even having those years together that they thought they would have ahead crushes them.

"Because when you love someone, you have to face the fact that you could lose them." That was no longer a distant fear, it was a reality.

• ∞ • ∞ •

Everything is dark. If you enter through the front door, you will see the coat stand with their coats hung, their wallets and keys on a small and high table. If you continue walking, you will find the living room slightly lit by moonlight and street lights, there is a blanket over the couch, which Donna has settled on the armrest, the glazed doors that open to the balcony are closed and the fireplace turned off. The beverage cart is full of (really) expensive drinks, but they forget those a long time ago. To the right, the enormous kitchen, with the island, and the big counter with the breakfast stools (and many dinners as well) and the door to the dining room closed. There have been some dishes left that after going through the dishwasher, Donna didn't rinse, but it has been a while since she stopped worrying about that. The bathroom door is slightly open, the two doors that lead to their offices too. As well, it's closed the small gym they had settled (He with their boxing stuff, she with their yoga stuff). They haven't used those for a lot of time.

Then, when you get to their room, the door to their dressing room is closed too. Before, they were used to sleeping in the absolute darkness, but they have had to adapt and now a small light in the bathroom is lit every night so that if Harvey wakes up with the urge to vomit or if he needs to drink water, he can do so without hitting himself and getting more bruises. On his night table are his medicines and a glass. About Donna's, a book that began 4 months ago and has not passed from the second chapter, along with her glasses.
Everything is silent until Harvey wakes up with another coughing attack and needs to sit in bed to be able to at least feel some oxygen inside his body.

Donna wakes up when she hears Harvey coughing and drowning, sits quickly in the bed, and sees him, sitting at the edge of the bed, his feet on the floor, his elbows on his knees, and his head pulled forward. Immediately she puts her hand in the middle of his shoulder blades and notices that the glass of water that every night she leaves there because these attacks are usually quite often, is already empty.

"Do you want more water?" She murmurs, and he nods, so she gets up to head to the kitchen. The door to the room is on Harvey's side, so to do so, she passes by his side and sees his eyes almost overflowing with tears. "One minute," She murmurs, holding the urge to hug him. She runs to the kitchen, still listening to his dry cough, and comes back as fast as she can. "Here, Harvey," She mutters and hands him the glass. He drinks a sip that makes him drown more and she removes the glass from his hands and then sits beside him. Immediately, her hand is again between his shoulder blades. "What can I do to help you, Harvey?" She whispers, accustomed to those attacks, but they don't stop hurting. She always asks the same question, hoping that someday, there will be some answer.

Harvey gently presses her hand and grabs the glass of her other hand to drink another sip." I can't continue to bear this, Donna." He says, with his aphonic voice and with tears rolling down his cheeks, that she dries gently with her fingers. "It burns my body inside. I spend half the week vomiting, I'm coughing all day, my chest hurts from coughing..." He coughs again. "I don't remember what it was like to feel good, not being tired, not pain in every part of my body." He sobs and Donna's heart breaks into a thousand pieces at that instant, her eyes letting endless tears roll. "The other day, I was on a video call with Mike, and I know he does everything to try to cheer me up, but while we were there, some guys from the firm went there and started talking about their wives, and..." He sighs and the sigh is cut off by a new cough. "It hurts me, even more than the physical pain that this disease brings me, to know that two years ago we lost our life, Donna..."

"We have lost nothing, Harvey." She sobs.

"Donna... I know you love me, and I know I would do the same for you without hesitation, but this has not been our usual married life. You have ceased to be my wife, and you have become my nurse 24/7."

She interrupts him. "No, it's not like that..."

"Please let me talk." Donna nods and takes his hand. "Remember when on Sundays we woke up late and spent all day here, naked...? And I don't even talk about having sex, I talk about snuggling against your skin and feeling your warmth…" He clears his throat. "Or go out for a walk taking your hand, see your face of illusion in front of the first snowfall... Or your face frowning in front of the sun. Or your smile when you walk on the fall leaves and enjoy the sound."

"Harvey..." She sobs, overwhelmed and a little guilty for never knowing he knew those details.

"Remember the conversations we had before we went to the office? I drive and you... At my side, talking about everything and nothing at the same time. I really liked that you moved your hand closer to my nape or knee... I've never told you, but whenever you touch me, I feel my body alive... And at least, that hasn't changed... My body is dying, but every time you touch me, you make me feel alive." He murmurs and this time, he dries her tears, with his hand full of bruises, and leaves his hand there, grabbing her cheek. Donna puts her other hand on his arm and squeezes it very gently. "You'll laugh at this, but I also miss going to the grocery store with you or having a little argument about what order to dinner." And it's true, Donna giggles, despite her crying. "I miss having a coffee with you at the bench of the square and I miss having dinner with you at the most expensive restaurant in the whole of the fucking city because that's what you deserve." Harvey's hand is still on her cheek and moves his thumb there. "I miss the big things, of course, I miss traveling with you, I miss being able to go skiing with you for a weekend, and I miss that we can go to Europe... But what I really, really miss is being able to have lunch with you on the couch without feeling that my body is disarming. I miss that we shower together and let me wash your hair. I miss that we can cook together. Or that you can snuggle up against me while we're watching a movie without feeling pain. It hurts me to hug you, Donna... Can you get this?" He stops holding her face because he can't look at her by telling this. "My body hurts when I hug you, and it's the most unbearable thing that could ever happen to me." He breaks into crying and begins to drown again.

"I also miss all that..." She sighs. "But, I don't regret what I've done for you. I would do it again, you know it, right?" He nods. "And you know what is the thing I miss the most? Your smile, that which makes you wrinkle the corners of your eyes... I would give my life to see you without pain again, Harvey."

"It's enough that I'm giving mine, don't you think?" He giggles against his will and so does she.

"I don't want to think that this will cost you your life."

"You've listened to the doctor. Again it hasn't worked... And I swear to you that my body can't take it anymore, I can't take any more pain." He sobs.

She nods and wipes her tears and, without saying more, she lies on her side of the bed. "Are you coming?" She asks.

Harvey nods and lies in front of her. Both are face to face.

Donna doesn't find the words to say what she wants to say, so she only gently rests her hand on the side of his neck, moves her forehead until reaches his, and closes her eyes. She feels Harvey's hand clinging to her arm and knows he's closing his eyes, too.

• ∞ • ∞ •

The day of the first chemotherapy session comes, and although Donna tries to encourage him, she knows that it's useless. From the day of the diagnosis, Harvey feels a hole in the middle of his chest, and Donna feels it too.

He drives on his way to the hospital quietly. Donna is sitting next to him. His back, his neck, and his shoulders stiff, his knuckles getting white by squeezing the steering wheel, his gaze fixed on the front… She can perceive all this, and anyone could do it, but she also perceives the heaviness of his soul and that hurts her most. She feels helpless to do nothing for him, not to make him feel better… God, she would change the place with him if she could. She knows that this is just the beginning and that it will be a long road, and what scares her the most is knowing that she will see him suffer.

Harvey tries to blank his mind, but it's impossible. There's not a single second of his lucidity where he doesn't remember that a tumor is spreading in his body like tar.

The doctor has explained the diagnosis, but he only remembers single words. "Tumor in the left lung." "Tumor oat cell." "It's a tumor that grows quickly." "You need to start a treatment now." "It will be really long."

He remembers those words, and his gaze on Donna's hand, clinging to his fingers with all her strength. She didn't notice it, but her maroon nails were digging into his skin. That little pain was the only thing that told Harvey that what was happening was real and that the feeling of the blurred and moving walls was just that, a feeling.

It was a few weeks ago that he had started to have very large coughing attacks, especially during the night, which made it impossible for both to rest. He began to run medical exams, without even daring to think that it could be such a serious thing. But, it was.

Harvey parks and drops his head against the back of the seat, letting out a sigh he didn't know he was holding, and closes his eyes. But, when he closes his eyes, everything is worse. It had been many years since he had had his last panic attack, and although this didn't feel like an attack as such, the symptoms had been returning for days, almost constantly. He felt his body tremble slightly all the time, added to the difficulty he had breathing, which he didn't know if it was because of that or the damn tumor.

"Harvey..." She murmurs after a few seconds, where he hasn't moved and she has acknowledged his reaction. Her hand gently presses on his thigh. "What can I do for you?" Harvey doesn't respond, he just makes himself a bun and drops to one side, his head on his wife's lap. The shift lever sticks on the side of his body and he is strangely twisted, but he doesn't care. Donna's hands immediately get tangled in his hair and start massaging his scalp very gently. "I'm here with you, Harvey." She murmurs and feels Harvey's hand clinging to her thigh with force. "You're not alone, you won't be alone." She adds, swallowing her own pain and enduring the urge to cry. "I know this is a shit, and I'm sorry, but I have no other word to describe it…" And when he hears those words, Harvey breaks into tears. "But you've always said that when they put you against the wall, the only option is to break the goddamn wall." She pauses and tears reach her eyes. "And this is probably the highest, hardest wall you have to break down…" She sobs. "But, I know you can do it." She takes a deep breath. "No one has a chance against Harvey Specter, not even a stupid tumor."

Her caresses in his head and her words connect him with reality, which is a fucking reality, and he can't even see how high the goddamn wall is… but, she is right. He carefully lifts up from there and Donna gently dries his tears with her thumbs.

"I can't do it alone." He sobs.

"You are not alone." She says and supports her forehead against his, her hands on his nape. "You can lean on me." She whispers and slides her hands until his cheeks. "Always, Harvey. Always." She whispers and gives him a heartfelt kiss on his lips. "Can you get out of the car?"

"Yes, I think so."

• ∞ • ∞ •

Harvey sits on that armchair, which looks uncomfortable and, in fact, it is, feeling his body heavy. He drops there and immediately a nurse is lifting the sleeve of his sweater and explaining what the procedure will be like. Donna is sitting next to him, in a chair that seems to be so much more uncomfortable than his, and takes his other hand between hers, moving her thumbs there tenderly. Harvey's eyes close and he squeezes his wife's hand. The nurse leaves and Donna takes her phone and airpods out of her purse.

"Put this on." Donna gives him one of the airpods. Harvey looks at her without understanding, but does it, while she does the same thing, and then looks on her phone for a downloaded file. "I assumed you wouldn't want to talk here... I thought this was a good idea." She plays and immediately Harvey recognizes it, it's one of his father's records. "Is this okay?" She asks, a little fearful.

"Yes, thank you." He devotes a small smile to her and Donna returns with another tiny smile. She seats her chair parallel to Harvey's and drops her head against the side of his waist. Harvey passes his arm behind her and she intertwines her fingers with his fingers. Both close their eyes and let them immerse themselves in the music.

Donna was right. He didn't want to speak at that time and in that place. And his father's sax was the best way to fill the silence.

The discomfort of that position is huge, but she does this every chemotherapy session he has had over two years.

• ∞ • ∞ •

Donna inhales deeply and tries to calm him, in some way, even if it's momentary, even though she cannot take away his pain. She brings her body a little closer to him. Now she also reaches his nose with hers and also his toes with hers. She gently scrapes his neck and, after another deep breath of air, starts talking. Both have their eyes closed.

"Imagine we're in our other house, on the outskirts of the city… and it's cold, there's frost because the night before it snowed… I wake up and you laugh at me because I immediately cover my face and snuggle up." She hears him smile. "So, I kick you under the blankets. You act as if it hurts you, just to steal me some kisses." She hears him smile again. "Between kisses, I beg you to turn on the fireplace, and even if you complain, you do… you know your reward will be worth it. And how I enjoy watching you when you get up naked… Perfect view." She whispers and gives him a brief kiss. "You lie back next to me and I turn to stay on your body, carrying the blankets with me and both of us stay under them. You ask me if necessary, that having sex under the blankets is a matter of teenagers, but I interrupt you with a kiss and you can't deny it anymore. After a while, you don't complain anymore that we're doing it under the blankets and I start to feel your enthusiasm between my legs. I move my hips over you, as your tongue gets tangled with mine and our groans drown each other… I like when we make love slowly, I like to be able to enjoy every sensation in calmness, I like to feel how your body reacts to mine, and how mine reacts to yours…" She murmurs, rubbing his nose with hers. "When you're close, don't let me move, your hands grabbing my hips, reaching my butt. You really enjoy that I'm on top of you… I can feel how you spill into me and satisfaction reaches me as well. I let myself fall and cling to your body and feel your fingers come down my spine and a sweet kiss on the side of my head. I answered you with a kiss on your neck and we stayed there for a while. You haven't complained again that the blankets keep us completely covered." Harvey giggles and she moves her thumb against his neck delicately, enjoying the vibrations of his little giggle. "We take coffee to bed and drink it looking out the window you've opened, you know how much I enjoy it… I finish my coffee and snuggle up against you, you chuckle when my hair tickles your chest, but you still wrap me and I feel at peace. I'm falling asleep with your fingers in my hair and you distract me with a kiss on my forehead, you whisper to me that we can't spend all day in bed again and I chuckle, although you're right. We agreed to give us a quick shower together, which would be just a shower, but we both know that inevitably our bodies get tangled under the water and in the middle of the steam… I've told you how much I love that you can't stand the desire to fuck me all the time?" And with those words, Harvey breaks down even more and she slows down her story, only raises her head a little more and gives him a kiss on his forehead, and then supports her chin on his head, he curls against her chest, and she continues. "We make more coffee, you laugh at my wool hat as always, and go out, feel the cold right away, but the sun warms our faces. You hug me from the side and kiss me on my cheek. I love when you do that. We sit on the bench we bought together and you run your arm behind my shoulders while we have a second cup of coffee in silence, listening to the birds… You say that you don't care about the birds, but I know you enjoy it too. I finish my cup and leave it on the table, snuggling a little more on you and after a while, you say that we would be for a walk, and immediately respond to you yes. We stand and your hand is intertwined with mine, we begin to walk in the field and I feel at peace. We don't talk about anything in particular, we're not even talking all the time, and I like that, as silence isn't uncomfortable.

You know I'm worried about my father and his last heart attack; you know that for moments I forget it, or that you make me forget it… and I know that when I remember it, my body is tense, and it's when you hug and tell me that everything will be fine and I believe you because I've always trusted you. Everything will be fine, I repeat and hug you tighter. You always make me feel like everything will be, I know it will be." She whispers and Harvey clings with the strength he has to her, his hands on her back and her face buried in her chest. "Everything will be fine." She repeats, trying to convince herself. "Whatever happens, everything will be fine."

Harvey nods, not at all convinced, and the truth is that Donna is not either.

"I would like what you tell me to be real." He sobs.

Donna sighs and swallows. "Me too, Harvey." She responds, her hand gently stroking his back and pauses. "Are you okay like this?"

"I can't be well, in any position. So, I'd rather you hug me."

Donna doesn't respond, just gives him a kiss on the head and they stay like this, hugging, holding each other.

• ∞ • ∞ •

Since the first chemotherapy, the next two days are the worst nightmare for him: nausea, vomits, chills, an unbearable cold, awful tiredness, and difficulty sleeping for all the symptoms. And pain, pain in every part of his body. Pains that he had never felt before.

He spent the whole day running to the bathroom to vomit, over and over again. Whenever he vomits, he has the feeling that there is nothing left inside to expel, but there always is.

These are days when the only thing Donna does is take care of him. She becomes his nurse, and although he has offered since the second round of chemotherapy, they could hire a nurse to be with him, but she is roundly denied. She wants to do it herself; she wants to be with him; she wants to take care of him… She does it because she loves him; she loves him with every inch of her body, but also because she fears regretting not having spent as much time as possible with him if things don't go as they expect. It's not that she enjoys it, because watching him suffer that way breaks her, but it's still Harvey and she's still Donna, the person who has taken care of him the most in his whole life.

Donna rubs her hand on his back as he lets out all the shit with his head buried in the toilet. She dries the sweat from his face. She gives him soft massages in his chest with her fingers when his muscles hurt to withstand so much nausea and coughing. She also gives him gentle massages on his face, on his temples, on his eyebrows, and his jaw, one thing that relaxes him, at least a little. She lays down on the bed and allows him to lean against her, supporting, hugging, holding him. She brings him water and forces him to drink it because she knows it's important for him to hydrate. She prepares baths for him so that he can try to relax. She always catches up with his medicines. She tells him the same stories again and again, although he already knows them in memory, keeping his eyes closed, feeling her body surrounding him, and letting himself be carried by her voice, is something that gives him much peace.

Harvey gets out of bed in the middle of the night and, by putting his feet on the floor, he immediately feels his knees trembling. He doesn't have the stability to get to the bathroom, but somehow he has to. When he's trying to drag his feet, he has the feeling that his legs weigh a ton each, his sight becomes blurred, the only thing he can glimpse is an undefined light in front of him.

But, things don't come out as he expected. He manages to get to the bathroom, but his legs stop responding and twist with each other, causing Harvey to fall to the ground and inevitably break into tears. He feels useless.

Donna, who months ago has stopped really resting because she always stays alert, had felt that he woke up, but many times if she gets up immediately he gets angry and tells her he can by himself… but, listening to him falling to the ground feels stupid and guilty, she rises from a jump and runs toward him.

"Are you hurt?" She asks, kneeling beside him.

"Just a blow," Harvey denies with his head, crying, and attempts to sit and get to the toilet, but he cannot do so and the next nausea becomes uncontrollable. The only thing he can do is turn to the other side to prevent the vomiting from reaching his wife.

Donna sighs and puts his hand on her back, trying to give him some consolation, as she always did.

"I'm sorry." He sobs.

"It's okay, Harvey. Do you think you can get up?"

Harvey nods, though he's actually not quite sure he can. Donna helps him by giving him some support and he sits against the wall, facing the toilet.

"I'll go find something to clean up. I'm back in 2 seconds. Okay?"

Harvey nods without looking at her, not only because of the pain that invades him but now also the shame. He stays there, fighting with his nausea, and Donna cleans, both quiet, and Harvey once again hurts that his wife is becoming his caregiver. Damn it, he is the woman he loves. He just wants to make her happy, not to make her go through this shit.

Once she finishes, she sits next to him, both with their knees bent and their feet on the ground. She takes his hand and drops her head on his shoulder.

"I know we've already talked about it, but I don't want you to keep doing this for me. We can pay a nurse."

"And what do you think? That I'll go to sleep in another room to let someone else come to take care of you? That won't happen, Harvey." She snorts.

"No, but maybe... She or he may be out."

"No, I want to do it."

"Do you really want to clean up my vomit?" The two can't help giggling.

"There is no way in which any of us want to be going through this, but unfortunately, it is not our decision. What I can decide is that I want to be by your side. No matter what. I'm your wife, Harvey, and I'm not saying it as a mandate. I say it because I love to be your wife. I love you to be my husband, and I love you. And if this is the shit we have to pass in order to be happy later, I'll try to help you as much as I can. I would like to be able to do more, but I really do everything I can."

"We're not having a husband-and-wife relationship." He sighs.

Donna denies with her head and kneels in front of him, her butt on her feet, being almost at his height. "Do you think love is just about taking romantic trips, dining with expensive wines, and having sex every night?" Harvey lowers his gaze, trying to control another nausea.

"No," He murmurs, looking down yet.

"We know both that in life, many times, beautiful moments don't abound. But I love you, Harvey! Stop believing that you're a burden on me, or that I'm bothered to do this." She sobs. "Please look at me." Harvey raises his head, his gaze overflowing in tears. "I heard you got up, and the only reason I didn't get up is that I knew you would be angry, and perhaps, if I had been with you, you wouldn't have fallen… I'm not interested in being anywhere else in the world other than with you, I need you to understand it."

"I'm ruining your life, Donna. We've been like this for months and this doesn't seem to get any better."

"When I married you…" She pauses. "No, when I married you, no. When you hired Mike, I realized I would be with you, whatever happened. That helped me realize you're the most important person to me, and that I would do anything for you because I love you. And when I married you, it was just a way to reaffirm it. I want to be your support. Stop wanting to throw me to one side, because I won't move from here."

"It makes me guilty, Donna."

"I know, Harvey. I wish you didn't feel it." She sighs, resting her hand on his arm. "I repeat: I don't want to do anything other than be with you."

"But you do too much for me."

"We've already talked about this, but... Think of it the other way around. What would you do? Wouldn't you want to be with me?"

"It's not the other way around, thank God. I wouldn't want you to have to go through this."

"Answer me, please."

"I would do the same as you."

"And you say you wouldn't want me to go through this?"

"No, never."

"And how do you think I feel? I hate to see you suffer like this, Harvey! And if there's something, even if it's little, that I can do to help you or make you feel better, I'm going to do it." She sighs. "I don't want to discuss this anymore, please." She gently squeezes his knee. "Let's do one thing. I promise you that if at some point I really feel I can't, I'll tell you and discuss if it's convenient to hire someone. Okay?" He nods. "But please don't mention it again."

"Sorry, I just want you to be fine.""Can you stop thinking about me? You're the one who needs to be fine now.""I don't know if that's going well." He says, ironically."Can I ask you to trust? The last word is not yet said.""I'm trying, trusting, and this shit won't win me.""I know, and I admire you for that."

Harvey smiles at her, but he needs to rush down on the toilet and vomit again. Donna stays by his side, rubbing his back, for several minutes, until he rises, with the help of her, washes his teeth, and returns to bed. Donna renews the glass of water at his night table and lies down beside him.

"You know I don't want to make you feel bad, right? I know you love me. I can feel that." He coughs. "I'm sorry. It's just that this seems too huge to me and I don't know how to handle it."

"I know you tell me that with good intentions, seriously. And if it's hard for me to handle, I understand it's much harder for you."

"I'm terrified." He sobs.

Donna doesn't know what to answer, because she is too. "Come here." She mutes, approaching him and he knits his head on her chest. She wraps him around and Harvey breathes deeply to feel her smell. "I'm terrified too, but here you are, battling. And I love you for that, too."

He murmurs. "Do you know I love you with all my heart, right?"

"I don't just know. I can feel that you love me as well." She uses the same words as him and he grins slightly against her chest.

"Don't let go of me, please."

"Never, Harvey."

• ∞ • ∞ •

It's a day when he, at least, doesn't feel so miserable, so he leaves the bed to be on the couch, while Donna makes something to eat. He would like to be able to cook with her, but being more than 3 minutes in a row of standing makes his breathing difficult. It's an apartment similar to the one he had in New York, though much bigger, and Donna could talk with him from the kitchen. She was telling him about something about work, as she continued to work at the firm, but from home. He couldn't. At first, she didn't mention any of the work, but he began to ask her to tell him things. Because this helps him distract, and in fact, sometimes, he has called Mike or Rachel to propose some ideas to them.

She bends down to put a tray in the oven and looking at him again, he is raising his leg to the couch, with a face of pain.

"It hurts, right?" She asks.

"Yes, I hit the furniture when I fell. Another bruise."

"I've seen that you have some on your back and in your arms, too..." She says, sounding kind. "And I've bought something for that, it's a cream, they say it's specific for this kind of bruising."

"Have you already bought it?"

"When I saw the first bruise. And I didn't give it to you because I knew you would be upset." She responds, approaching him and sitting next to him. His leg separated them.

"Sorry, Donna." He sighs, frustrated. "I'm too irritable."

"Sometimes you are, I can't lie to you. But, I understand that your body and mind are a constant battlefield at this time, and I just don't want to add more pressure to the situation. I only bought it because I assumed you would eventually need it, it has anesthetic power as well. Do you want me to put you on?" He nods. "I'll go find it." Donna stands up to go in search of the cream and within seconds, she's sitting there again, pulls up Harvey's pants a bit and she sees the bruise on his leg. "Let me know if it hurts." She says and after putting some cream on her fingers, she starts running it through his skin.

"Thank you, Donna."

"It's nothing. I'm just putting some cream on you."

"I don't mean that," Harvey says and Donna raises her head. Harvey smiles as her hair falls carelessly on her face now and she shakes her head a little to remove it. He loves when she does that. "I mean the fact that you've bought this, and waited for the right time to use it… you've always found the moments, and it's something that I really appreciate about you." She smiles at him. "And I'm sorry, really. Many times I get angry with you, and none of this is your fault."

"I have nothing to forgive you, and you have nothing to thank. Together we are a gear that works very well, and that is because we both truly know ourselves and know how to find the moments. You do it with me, too."

"You do it with everyone."

"But, you're the one who matters most to me." She responds by looking at him and then arranges his pants while Harvey smiles. "I'll go wash my hands."

"Come back here, please."

"I have no more important place to go." She responds, already standing, and kisses his smiling lips. God, she loves to see him smile. She has always loved him smiling, but now more because his smiles are increasingly sporadic.

• ∞ • ∞ •

The minutes pass and they don't stop crying, they can't, they really feel they can't. The sadness that crosses them is infinite. They knew it would be a hard path, but they wanted to trust that things would go well… But it seems that hope is no longer enough. He has only one more option left: One last round of chemotherapy that will be much more aggressive than all that he has received and then try surgery to remove the tumor. He no longer has half-ink time, it's time for all or nothing.

"Harvey..." She murmurs, her voice choked with tears. "Can you look at me, please?"

He nods and moves a little to look at her. Donna smiles at him amid tears, because despite what the disease has done in his body and in his mood, he remains the same man she loves since the first day.

"Listen to me, please." She whispers and he nods, but she doesn't find the words to start, the weeping and terror of what she is going to say, choke her. "I love you, you know that… I love you, with every inch of my body, my heart, my soul. And it hurts me, just as I love you, to see you suffer this way and not be able to do anything to reverse it."

"Yes, you had..."

"Please let me speak. If I don't do it now, I can never do it." She says, her bottom lip shaking. Harvey nods. "I've been next to you from day one and saw how this disease left you lying in this bed. I see how you suffer every discomfort, every pain. I see the pain in your eyes, Harvey." She wipes her tears with the back of her hand. "And I want you here, with me. I want to be able to continue sharing my life with you, but I know that's selfish." Donna pauses and inhales deeply, knowing that this is what she has to do, no matter how much her soul is broken by saying it. "It's selfish." She repeats. "Because I see you suffer every day, Harvey. I see you can't take it anymore. I see that the pain cuts your breath…" Harvey is just looking at her in the eyes, also crying. "And that's why I'm going to support you in whatever you decide. The love that I feel for you is greater than my selfishness, and even if it breaks me, I want you to know: whatever you decide will be fine. If you want to do the last treatment or if you don't want to do it, it will be fine. I will be with you, holding your hand, as always."

"Donna..." He sobs, once again overwhelmed by the immense love that unites them.

"If you don't have the strength to follow, it's okay. I won't be angry with you, I'll be angry at how shit life is, but not with you. And I will be by your side until the last second, I promise you." She says, drowned in tears and Harvey cannot respond, only cries like a child in front of her, who does everything possible to support him, but the truth is that she cannot even support herself. "I love you, and that won't change, no matter what. I don't want you to continue to suffer if you feel like you can't take it anymore. If you need to feel at peace again." She wipes her own tears. "And I don't want you to decide for me, because I've heard you talk to Mike, I'm sorry but I've heard it, about you being afraid to leave me alone..."

"If it hadn't been for you, I would have given up a long time ago."

"Harvey…" She sobs, with guilt.

"No, no." He interrupts her. "I did it because I want to be happy with you again, because all this time, you've always been the beam of light that clung me to life… And see you, just see you, reminded me because it was worth going on." She smiles shyly at him. "You were the engine all this time…" He murmurs and gives her a brief kiss on her wet lips by her cry. "I love you, I know you know it, but you don't stop surprising me and I promise you that despite everything, every day I love you more." She smiles timidly at him. "Thank you for loving me this way and for having the courage to tell me this… I lived many years in fear of losing you, putting my needs over yours all the time. And you tell me this? It's huge, Donna. I don't deserve it."

"You deserve everything... And I'm sorry I can't give you more. I'm so sorry for this shit."

"You deserve everything. You deserve more than this shit in your life." She denies with her head and wants to talk, but he doesn't leave her. "I haven't decided yet. I know I have little time, but you understand it's a hard decision." She nods, drowned in tears. "But really, thank you for telling me this. And don't ask me to don't think about you. I've always thought about you, Donna. I'll always do it."

"You can tell me when you decide... Or you can discuss it with me. I promise you I won't interfere in your decision."

"You will be the first person to know." He says and hugs her against him. Donna lets herself wrap around him, sobbing even more strongly than before. "Thank you, for everything you've done, for everything you've said, for how you love me…"

"It's what I feel and what I wanna do." She pauses. "Every time I've managed to get you to smile, it's been a win for me."

Harvey smiles against her forehead. "You are my greatest victory, Donna."

She smiles too. "You mine, Harvey."

None of the two know very well what more to say, what Donna has said has been too huge for that to come out of their minds right now, so in a tacit agreement (one more of the infinites tacit agreement they have had over the years) they just decide to stay there, clinging to each other.

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If you've made it this far, I'd love to know what you think about this! See you in the next chapter!