A Midsummer's Night Nightmare
"Heyes! Heyes, wake up!" Kid Curry's hand reached out and shook his cousin's shoulder. "Wake up, Heyes!"
Brown, bloodshot eyes finally opened and looked up at the blond fast draw. His voice was a husky, shushed tone as his hand came up to rub his head. "Not so loud, Kid. My head's about to bust open."
"Sorry, but you need to get up NOW." An irritated Curry was adamant as he stood there looking down, hands now resting on his hips.
"What's the problem? What's so important that you can't be quiet and leave me alone to sleep this hangover off? Somebody recognize us? If not, then go away." The voice was now a little agitated as Heyes gingerly pulled a pillow out from under his head and held it over his face and messy brown hair.
The brow over the azure blue eyes furrowed. "I got my own small hangover so you can just deal with it because this is important. Just how drunk did you get last night after that poker game finally ended and I came back to the hotel?! I thought you were just gonna spend some time upstairs. I told you to watch it since I wouldn't be there!"
"I can watch myself you know!" The pillow was pushed off in growing irritation.
"Yeah. You watched yourself get dog drunk apparently!"
"Is that all you woke me up for?! To be proddy over me having a little fun?!"
"A 'little' fun?! Are you tellin' me you don't remember what you did?!"
"I apparently got WASTED. I KNOW! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!" Hannibal Heyes grabbed his head again as the increase in the volume of his voice sent sparks through his vision and intensified the throbbing of his head.
"That ain't all you did!"
"Will you PLEASE quit being so cryptic? What the heck do you want? What did I do? Just say it so I can go back to sleep."
Kid closed his eyes as he sighed to calm himself. Opening them, he leaned over to stare directly into his partner's hungover face. "You. Got. MARRIED!"
Heyes shot upright in the bed nearly hitting his head on Curry's, eyes wide as dinner plates. That statement had made him ignore the pain in his head. "What did you just say?"
Kid grabbed his apparently oblivious cousin's shoulders and repeated himself. "YOU GOT MARRIED, HEYES! WHAT THE HECK WERE YOU THINKIN'?!" Kid let go of him with a slight push and walked away a bit before he turned and stormed back. "Nevermind! I KNOW what you were thinkin'!" A finger poked the bare chest as each syllable of his words were spoken, hard enough to leave a red spot. "AB-SO-LUTE-LY NO-THIN'!"
Heyes ran a hand through his hair and over his face, his expression horrified. "That is a cruel joke, Kid."
"Oh...it's no joke! Your 'wife' just left here a couple minutes ago to get breakfast!" The blue eyes were penetrating annoyance into Heyes' mind like no other pair on the planet could.
"No! All I did was share a bottle of whiskey with Ruby when we went upstairs after I had a couple of beers playing poker."
"Well, I'm bettin' she didn't drink any and you HAD THE WHOLE DANG BOTTLE! She might've even drugged it!"
Heyes tried to think back but it was nothing but a blur. He looked a little sheepish as he stared down at the quilt concentrating. "I don't...I don't remember."
"Well that's no surprise!" Kid sat down on the other bed still glaring at his partner. "So, Mister Married Genius, how are you gonna get out of this?! We can't ride around with a woman with us! Does she know who you really are?"
Heyes looked at Kid and didn't have to answer as his expression said it all. He had no idea.
Curry threw his hands up in the air. "This is just great! She could be gettin' the sheriff right now!"
"What am I going to do?"
"I don't know! You're the one that does the thinkin', remember?!"
Heyes thought for a minute. "Didn't she call you anything when she left here? You obviously were awake."
"No. She didn't call me anythin'. She just looked at me all starry-eyed and said that she was goin' to get me and her 'handsome' new husband some breakfast and she'd be back in a little bit."
"And that's it?"
"Yeah that's it! I wasn't even out of bed at the time! I had just woke up and saw her sashayin' around the room and kissin' you on the forehead! I didn't know what to do! So I just said hello and she turned with a big smile on her face."
Heyes put a hand on his forehead. "Kid, I don't know what to say or do."
"Well, apparently last night you said 'Okay' and 'I do'!" Curry scolded sarcastically.
"Will you quit berating me?! That's not helping anything!" Heyes started to get out of bed when he pushed the quilt back a bit and realized he wasn't wearing anything at all. His frustrated expression instantly turned to one of shock. His eyebrows went up as his eyes widened.
"Heyes! My God! Put some dang clothes on! I don't wanna see that!" Kid turned his head as his cousin hurriedly covered himself back up. Then a thought entered his mind and he turned back giving Heyes an extremely intense version of the 'look'. "Did you...with her...surely you didn't...did you?! With me in the room?!" Curry groaned and managed to look both disgusted and upset at the thought.
"NO!" Heyes yelled indignantly. Then he averted his gaze and more quietly said, "Least I don't think so..."
Curry stood back up at that and leaned over to stare directly at brown eyes in close proximity, venom in his voice as he spoke in a slow drawl. "If I find out you did, I'm absolutely goin' to kill you."
Heyes' eyes widened a bit again at that proclamation, then come up with his defense. "If I...'we' did you would've heard something!"
"You know I sleep a lot more sound than you do! Especially after a few drinks! You know how hard a time you've had wakin' me up at times." Kid walked off to stare out the window. "And for the love of GOD, will you PLEASE put some clothes on!"
"I've got everything covered!"
"Don't matter! I still know there's only a thin blanket between nekkid you and the outside world!"
Frowning, Heyes got up and, after getting his balance, quickly got dressed. "You can turn around now."
Curry did so, but as soon as Heyes saw the look still on his face, wished he hadn't. "Kid, there has to be a way out of this. It can't be legal. I mean, who is going to be awake in the middle of the night to marry people?"
"I don't know!"
"Well, we just have to find out what happened and fix it."
Kid walked back toward him. "We? WE?! Nu uh, Heyes!" A finger was pointed closely at the brown haired head causing brown eyes to cross. "YOU got yourself in this mess, YOU can get yourself out of it!"
"You're not going to help me?!" Heyes was in disbelief.
Curry sighed, realizing he'd said that before he could think it through. "Yeah, I'll help you. BUT, if you two start to have some lover's quarrel, I'm walkin' away and gettin' out of it! Women can be downright mean."
There was a knock at the door and a singsong voice called out. "I've got breakfast honey! Open up!"
Kid walked over and sat at the table in the room. "Your wife is back, ...'honey'."
Heyes smirked at his cousin. His headache was threatening to melt his brain by now. Using his finger and thumb to wipe the sleep from the inside corners of his eyes, he walked to the door and opened it.
"Good morning, sweetheart!" Ruby planted a kiss on Heyes' cheek. "I brought breakfast for us all!" She glided over to the table and sat the tray of food and coffee in front of Kid. "I figured you'd need lots of coffee this morning," she said slyly looking at her new husband.
"You figured right." Heyes closed the door softly and sat back down on his bed.
Curry snorted from his chair.
Ruby walked over and planted herself in Heyes' lap. "Oh, Joshua! You've made me the happiest girl in the world!"
'Well', Heyes thought, 'at least she apparently doesn't know who we really are'.
Kid had the same thought and was relieved. He got himself something to eat before everything got cold. Might as well. He certainly didn't want to watch the two newlyweds sitting on the bed.
Heyes gently directed his new wife to sit beside him on the bed instead on top of him. "Ruby, I was just wondering, what did we do last night after we got back here?"
"Why nothing dearest." Ruby cooed. "You said it wouldn't be right to do anything with Thaddeus in the same room and then you passed out. So, I just undressed you and climbed in bed next to you."
"Did you have to take 'all' his clothes off?" Kid asked with a mouthful of eggs.
"Thaddeus! Don't be rude!" Heyes was indignant, not worried about what Ruby thought, but embarrassed by the question.
"I'm not. There's just some things a man don't wanna see. And you nekkid is one of them."
Ruby laughed then looked seductively at Heyes. "Well, I didn't mind."
Heyes actually blushed. "OKAY. That is enough on that particular subject."
"You got that right."
"Shut up, Thaddeus!"
Ruby laughed again. "My, but you two are absolutely hilarious and adorable! And don't be embarrassed, Joshua. I took Thaddeus' pants off too."
Kid literally spit the new mouthful of eggs he had just taken clear across the table before looking over at Ruby, turning so red he would've glowed in the dark. "Wha…what?! I wasn't nekkid when I got up!"
Heyes grew a smug, satisfied expression. The embarrassment tables had turned.
Ruby grinned. "I know. I just did what I said. I took your pants off. You looked a little uncomfortable so I stripped you to your long johns."
Curry was at a loss for words. Should he thank her? No. Yes. Maybe? Heck, he had no idea. Normally, he wouldn't mind a bit for a pretty lady undressing him, but not while he was sleeping hard from drinking. And besides, this was different. Right now, this woman was his cousin's wife and it was just…wrong. He just turned back and tried to resume eating, hoping Heyes would do something to kill the extra awkwardness that had now filled the room.
Heyes took Ruby's hand and looked at her. "Ruby, I have to admit I don't really remember last night. Would you care to enlighten me?"
"You have such a way with words, Joshua. And I didn't think you'd remember much. Anyway, I watched you play poker for half the night, wishing with everything in me that you'd notice me. I even ran off potential customers! Well, after the game was over and Thaddeus left, you walked up to the bar where I was and smiled at me, offering to buy me a drink. And oh, what a smile! I just love those dimples!"
Kid sighed again from where he sat eating. 'Good God...'
Ruby continued. "I was absolutely thrilled when you talked to me! You bought me a drink, we talked some more, then you bought a bottle of whiskey and we went upstairs. I think you can imagine what we done up there." She put her free hand on his knee and started moving it slowly up his thigh.
Heyes cleared his throat as he removed her hand from his leg and laid it in her lap. "Uh, yeah. No need to get into that."
Kid chirped up again. "NO. PLEASE don't get into that."
Ruby giggled. "So, I didn't want anything else to drink because I wanted to remember my time with the most handsome man I'd ever laid eyes on."
'I think I'm gonna puke...', Kid thought.
"Then you said that there was no need to let a perfectly good bottle of whiskey go to waste so you ended up drinking it throughout the night," Ruby went on. "And what a night it was!" She practically purred as she looked lustfully at him, her hand moving up to rub on Heyes' chest.
"I'm tryin' to eat over here if you don't mind." Curry poured a cup of coffee to hand to his partner.
"Sorry, Thaddeus." She said it, but she didn't look like she completely meant it.
Heyes grinned politely at Ruby as he removed her hand from rubbing a hole in his chest before he took the coffee cup and sipped at it. "How did we end up married?"
Ruby smiled. "Well, I know it's not really the right thing to do, but I couldn't help myself. I asked you to marry me and you said okay!"
"Told you you said okay."
"Shut. Up. Thaddeus."
Kid shrugged.
"So," Ruby replied happily, "I woke up my Pa and he married us!"
"Your Pa? How could your Pa marry us?"
"Because he's the Sheriff. The judge won't be back in town until later today and when he's gone, my Pa has the legal right to marry folks because he's considered the justice of the peace then."
Instead of spitting, this time, Kid almost choked. "Your Pa is the Sheriff?!"
"Yeah."
Heyes had to swallow down the coffee that was threatening to come back up. "And he was just fine with you getting married to somebody you just met?"
"Yeah! He's been wanting me to get outta that saloon ever since I started working there. So he was happy to do it. Especially after you told him you worked in the banking industry."
Again, Kid almost spit coffee out. This time though, it was from trying to stop a laugh.
Heyes glared over at him then turned back to Ruby. "And then we came here?"
"Yeah. We had to. You wanted to go back to the saloon, but the bartender said the rooms were for paying customers only. Not for married men. So you suggested we just come back to your hotel room that you were sharing with your partner, Thaddeus."
Heyes closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead, sighing. "Ruby, there's..."
"OH!" Ruby pulled a small watch from her ample cleavage and looked at it. "I've got to get over to the dress shop for a fitting. I gotta get some 'decent' dresses to wear now!" Pulling Heyes over to her by his collar, she kissed him on the lips and got up. "You don't have to wait for me here. Go out and get your work done. You told me you and Thaddeus had a job to do somewhere in town. I'll meet you back here later." One more kiss and she was out the door.
Heyes got up and locked it, looking at his partner.
"Don't look at me, Heyes. I had nothin' to do with this."
Since Heyes was already standing, he started to pace, grabbing his cup and drinking the rest of the coffee. "This can't be legal, Kid." Another circuit was completed before Heyes stopped and wagged his finger. "It's NOT legal! I was married under an alias. Therefore, technically, it's not a binding contract, so to speak."
"Well then, let's just leave town," Kid replied wiping his mouth.
Heyes stared at him like he was crazy. "We can't do that! She thinks we're legitimately married! And may I remind you that her Pa is the sheriff! She'd have him after me for the rest of my life!"
"Sheriffs are ALREADY after you. What's one more?"
"I can't believe you. That coming from a man that's always helping the ladies."
"Well this lady took advantage of my drunk as a skunk cousin and got him married to her!"
"I know!" Heyes resumed pacing. "But running off isn't the answer. And there's no way I can admit 'Joshua Smith' is an alias. They'd be demanding I give my real name. Although, I guess I could just give them another alias. But she'd probably have her Pa force me to marry her with THAT name. So I don't think that is the way out of it. I'd still be stuck married to her."
"I don't know what to tell you, Heyes. Either you stay here, settle down, and wait to be arrested, or we leave and have 'Sheriff Pa' hunt you down and bring you back with a rifle in your back for runnin' out on his little girl."
"Thanks, Kid. That was in no way helpful." His pacing kept taking him past the window overlooking the town. He stopped when he reached the windowsill again. Curry could tell by his expression he was deep in thought. "Does this town have a library or a lawyer's office?"
"How the heck am I supposed to know?"
Heyes smirked at him. "Well, I need to find out. You coming with me?"
Kid stood and finished the last of his coffee. "Yeah. If I don't, you might come back with two more wives and a bunch of adopted kids."
Heyes glared at him. "Sometimes I hate you."
Curry grinned at his partner. "No you don't."
Said partner sighed as he unlocked and went out the door. "Besides, one 'kid' is more than enough."
xxxxxxxxx
After talking to the hotel clerk, they found out there was a lawyer's office, but that the lawyer would be out of town for at least a week. So Heyes had to settle for the library.
Their found jobs forgotten, they walked through town, carefully avoiding both the sheriff's office, the dress shop, and any other shop that might appeal to the fairer sex until they reached the library. Once inside, Heyes headed straight to any books he could find on law.
Curry sat down at a table and waited, discreetly studying the pretty librarian. After about five minutes, his partner finally joined him with an armful of reading material and dropped them on the table earning a 'Shh' from the front desk.
"Sorry, ma'am. Accidentally dropped a few," Heyes said with a friendly grin.
"SHH!"
"Sorry."
"SHHH!"
Heyes raised his hand in surrendered silence and sat down. He pushed some books toward Kid and spoke quietly so as not to provoke wrath from the woman behind the desk. "Here, you look through these."
Kid smiled at the notorious Hannibal Heyes being shushed by a librarian. But as he counted the mound of books, he frowned. "Are there any books left on the shelves? What're we lookin' for?"
Heyes looked at him exasperated. "Marriage laws, Thaddeus. What else?"
"With you, it could be anythin'."
"Just start looking."
Heyes searched two books before he came across something he might could use. "Hm. This 'under duress' might work?"
Kid looked up. "Under arrest? You're going to get yourself arrested? That won't work. The sheriff married you to his daughter!"
Heyes met his blue eyes. "Not 'A'rrest. 'DUR'ess."
"Well, I don't like no word that sounds like 'arrest'."
Heyes looked back down and kept reading. "Wait. No. Can't use that. According to this, duress means I'd have had to been threatened, like with physical harm, to do something against my will."
"Well I hope you 'did' do this against your will!"
"Of course it was against my will! She caught me blowed out of my mind drunk so I agreed apparently! She didn't have to threaten me. But, I didn't know I was marrying her. Anyway, it don't matter. I can't use this to get out of it." A grin then swept over his face momentarily as he had a passing thought. "But, we could use it next time we're arrested. They always threaten us if we don't give up peacefully. And we're forced to go to jail against our will."
Curry snorted. "Don't think that'll hold up in court for us."
Both ex-outlaws returned to searching through books. After ten minutes, Kid stopped. "Huh. Never knew that. Look at this."
Heyes was anxious to see what Curry had found and quickly turned the book so he could read it. "What'd you find?"
"This." The blond pointed to a sentence.
Heyes read it out loud. "It is illegal to tattoo a horse in the territory of Wyoming." Brown eyes looked up in irritation, his head tilting a bit to the side as he glared. He pointed at the nonsense. "THIS is what you're looking at?!"
"SHHHHH! Next time I'm throwing you out!"
"Yes ma'am. Sorry," Heyes said as he stared a hole through his cousin.
Kid was the picture of angelic innocence. "What? It was interestin'."
"We aren't looking for horse laws," Heyes hissed. "We're looking for ways to legally get out of a marriage!"
Curry was still thinking about the tattooing. "Wonder why you can brand one but not tattoo one? Seems like tattooin' might hurt less."
"Thaddeus!"
Kid grinned. "Alright. Hand that book back over."
Heyes pushed it over hard enough it would've flown off the table if not for the fast draw's lightning reflexes.
After what seemed like an eternity, and discarded books everywhere around them, Heyes smiled as he found something promising. "I think I got it."
Kid pushed the umpteenth book he looked through shut and rubbed his face, obviously tired of reading about laws. "What?"
"A way out. A 'legal' way out. We just got to find Ruby and go see the judge coming into town."
xxxxxxxxxx
"So you gonna tell me what you found or keep it a secret until you see the judge?" Kid asked as they walked down the boardwalk looking for Ruby.
"It's called an annulment. Means a marriage wasn't legal from the beginning. It's possible to get one for any of six reasons. And one of those reasons is mental incompetence, which includes incapacity caused by intoxication."
"Well, you are definitely a little crazy."
Heyes gave his version of the 'look'. "That is NOT funny."
Kid hurriedly got the subject back on track to avoid a verbal onslaught about the state of his partner's mental status. "So it's like a divorce."
"Sort of. But an annulment means you were never married. So it won't be on record anywhere."
"Are you sure you want to go in front of a judge? What if he knows one or both of us?"
"I definitely don't want to be in front of a judge. Or in a courtroom period. Gives me a shiver down my spine just thinking about it. But I have to. We'll just have to find out who he is before we go. If he knows us, we'll just have to ride to the next town with Ruby," Heyes said, looking into store windows as they passed by them.
"Don't think she'll go if she knows what you're wantin' to see one for."
"Well, she don't have to know where we're going or why we're going there."
"What're you goin' to say if she asks?"
Heyes gave a crooked grin. "That we're going on a honeymoon."
"Honeymoon? With me comin' along? And in a courtroom? She'll think you're nuts."
"I'll just tell her I like kinky stuff."
"That's not kinky. That's disgustin' and weird. A man don't need another man goin' with him and his wife on his honeymoon. I sure wouldn't take you along on mine."
"Why not, Kid? It might be fun. The two of us and one woman..." Heyes snickered to himself.
"NO IT WOULD NOT! I don't even want to think about that! Why'd you even bring that up?! What's wrong with you?!"
"May I remind you that 'you' brought it up, wondering what I'd tell her if she asked where we were going."
"No! 'You' were the one that brought up the honeymoon thought!"
"But I wouldn't have if you hadn't asked that particular question."
Kid had to concede to that, although he'd never admit it out loud. "Just shut up and look for her, Heyes."
Heyes grinned mischievously as he answered, having to always have the last word. "Alright."
xxxxxxxxx
After finding out who the judge was and that he had arrived in town, Heyes and Kid located Ruby going in the milliner's shop.
"Ruby! Stop a minute," Heyes called as he jogged up to her.
"Oh, hi honey! I was coming to find you after I bought a hat." She took his arm and put it around her shoulders. She now wore a new dress, although the low cut front left little to the imagination.
Heyes carefully removed her arm. "Can you put that on hold? We need to go see the judge. He got back a little while ago and is over in the courthouse."
"Why? We're already married. Don't need to see no judge now."
Heyes took her hands, holding them in front of them both, and tried to be gentle in explaining to her. "Well, you see, I can't really afford to be married right now. Me and Thaddeus move around a lot looking for work and you don't want to do that do you? Riding in the saddle all day, out in the hot sun, getting all dirty, sleeping on the hard ground for days at a time, and not knowing where your next meal is coming from? That's no life for a nice, proper lady like yourself."
Ruby eyed him. "But you told me and Pa that you worked in the banking business."
"I was drunk, Ruby. I had no idea what I was saying. In fact, I don't even remember all I said."
She pulled one of her hands free and put a finger in his chest. "Well, that don't matter. We're married now and I'm keeping you, Joshua Smith!"
Kid sighed behind Heyes.
Heyes sighed himself. "Please listen to me, Ruby. I have two dollars to my name right now. I can't take care of you the way a man should a woman. Like I said, you'd have to sleep on the hard ground every night, no matter how hot or cold it was."
"That's not true. You have a hotel room to sleep in!" She was clearly becoming agitated.
"Well, yeah. Right now. But that's because Thaddeus paid for it."
Kid felt the urge to chime in. "That reminds me. You owe me for the room and the bath."
Heyes looked around at his cousin with a disapproving smirk. "Really? Right now? You think NOW is the time to bring that up?!"
"It's just that you reminded me and I wanted to remind you of that fact before I forgot it."
"I'm pretty sure you're not going to forget I owe you money."
Kid gave him the annoying grin that he himself usually received. But the real reason for the comment was to get Heyes' eyes on him for a private 'conversation'. 'I'm just tryin' to help.'
'Help?! How's that helping?!'
'Showin' her you ain't got no money.'
Heyes shook his head and turned back to Ruby. "See? The hotel was a rare treat. Usually we're sleeping outside on the ground and eating hard tack and jerky."
Ruby looked down at the boardwalk seeming to be in deep thought. After a moment, she looked up at Heyes. "No! I don't care! I want to be married and I finally found a good looking man with all his teeth and that cleans himself up! I refuse to get a divorce!"
Heyes sighed again, rubbing a hand over his face. "Well, actually, I can prove that the marriage isn't actually legal."
Ruby's brows drew together in growing anger. "That's not true! Pa married us! We signed papers!"
Heyes' mouth crooked to one side. "Listen. Just come see the judge with me and we'll let him decide."
A feminine finger was pointed merely inches from Heyes' face. "YOU go talk to the judge! I'll be there in a minute with my PA!" Ruby stormed off down the street toward the sheriff's office.
Watching her stomp away, both ex-outlaws sighed at the same time. "Well, Kid. Guess we're heading over to the courthouse."
"Hope we get to head out of it too after this."
xxxxxxxxx
Kid seated himself in one of the front row seats in the courtroom while Heyes chatted with the judge. Suddenly, the doors flew open and Ruby in all her red-faced fury charged in with her Pa behind her. Her voice rang out loud and clear, echoing in the room when she saw Heyes talking to the judge. "And just WHAT has he been telling you?! We are legally married! Ask my Pa here! He's the one done hitched us!"
"Ma'am, he hasn't been telling me anything about that other than he's here about an annulment. Otherwise, we've been talking about things in the newspapers and such." The judge fixed her with a look. "But now that you're here, we can get down to business."
"Your Honor," Heyes began, "Last night..."
"LAST NIGHT, YOU MARRIED ME! You specifically said 'I do' when Pa asked you!"
"Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you not to interrupt."
"But my sweet girl is right, your Honor!" the Sheriff spoke up. "This boy here," he pointed angrily at Heyes, "agreed to marry her last night! And I performed the ceremony in your absence! He's just not wanting the responsibility he agreed to!"
Despite himself, Kid was enjoying the show, yet still watching out for his partner. After all, there was a sheriff there and he was wearing his gun. But, the blond was still kind of wishing he had some popcorn as he leaned back in the chair with his arms crossed.
The judge looked down at the lawman. "Sheriff, I don't doubt what you're saying is true. But you two have to let Mister Smith tell his side of the story. Proceed, Mister Smith."
"Like I started to say, your Honor, last night, I did indeed agree to wed Miss Ruby here. But, I can prove that the marriage isn't legal or binding and therefore I'm requesting an annulment."
"YOU CAN'T PROVE NO SUCH THING! AND I AIN'T GIVING YOU WHATEVER YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!" Ruby yelled.
The judge banged his gavel. "Ma'am, I know this isn't a formal hearing, but I can still throw you out of here if you don't quit interrupting. Continue, Mister Smith."
"Yes, 'Mister Smith', go on and make a fool of yourself," the Sheriff sneered.
Heyes ignored the Sheriff as he grabbed the book he'd carried out of the library off a table and once more addressed the judge. "The lawyer is out of town so I had to research this on my own."
"See?! He's done making stuff up!" Sheriff 'Pa' interjected.
Another bang of the gavel. Heyes continued. "What I found proves we're not legally wed. It says right here that an annulment terminates a marriage that was invalid in the beginning because of some defect present at the time it was established, where one spouse could show that the other was, at the time of marriage, physically or mentally incapable of entering into the marriage state."
Both Ruby and her Pa were staring daggers at the ex-outlaw leader but he was undeterred.
Heyes started to pace in front of the bench as he continued. "And mental incapacity includes incapacity caused by intoxication. Ruby, the Sheriff, the Bartender, and probably half the saloon can attest that I was intoxicated beyond rational thought last night after a couple of beers and a whole bottle of whiskey. I don't remember hardly anything from last night. Last thing I can recall is going… upstairs with Miss Ruby. I had to be told what I'd done by my partner sitting back there. So, I'm proving that I, myself, was not capable of making a sound decision last night about marriage or anything else."
Heyes stopped and handed over the book to let the judge examine it. "Normally, your Honor, I can hold my liquor quite well. I feel the need to bring into consideration that the whiskey might even have been drugged." He thanked his cousin silently for bringing that up as a possibility earlier.
Ruby look at Heyes viciously. "How DARE you accuse me of something like that!" She looked as if she might lunge forward to strangle him.
The judge looked over the text indicated. "Miss Ruby, did Mister Smith consume a whole bottle of whiskey last night in your company?"
"I don't have to answer that!"
"Miss Ruby! Answer the question!"
The dove squirmed a bit before finally blurting out, "Yes! Dang it!"
"And did you tamper with that whiskey in any way?"
"I can't believe I'm even being asked that!" Ruby slapped her hands on her hips and glared back at Heyes. "You've had it when we get back to our hotel room!"
Kid snorted trying to hold in a laugh. Even the judge had a hand covering his mouth.
"'We' are not going back to a hotel room together. And I believe the judge asked you a question." Brown eyes gave the woman a stern look. A look the sheriff didn't approve of.
"Don't you look at her that way you lazy, lying, lowlife…," he growled.
The judge banged the gavel once more. "Sheriff! Enough."
Kid didn't like his cousin being talked to in that matter. In his eerily calm voice he told the lawman, "Don't you talk to him like that."
Heyes turned with a warning look. "Thaddeus."
The judge looked at Heyes. "Mister Smith, your attention up here please!"
"See?! I'm the only one in this whole courtroom with any sense!" Ruby declared with a superior expression, crossing her arms.
"Miss Ruby!" The judge grabbed the bridge of his nose as he closed his eyes. "Everyone shut up! When he opened them, he nodded as he looked directly at Ruby. "Mister Smith is correct, Miss Ruby. I did ask you a question. Is it possible that Mister Smith was under any other influence, possibly inflicted by you, that would affect his judgment at the time of the proposal and wedding?"
'Lack of common sense'. Kid stifled a smile at the thought.
"Of course not! I didn't do nothing like that!" Ruby yelled.
Heyes remained calm and looked at the judge. "Your Honor, may I request that Miss Ruby's room at the saloon be searched for evidence of, or lack there of, a bottle of any type of drug?"
The sheriff was enraged. "Just who do you think you are asking for that to be done?! My little girl don't have nothing to do with any drugs you #&%*# &!"
Kid stood at that and rested his hands on his belt. "I said don't talk to him like that."
Heyes turned again. "Thaddeus. It's fine. Sit down." He moved his gaze back to the sheriff. "Since there are no lawyers present, I'm representing myself and as such, can request such things that could prove essential to my case."
"Well then I request it NOT be done 'cause there ain't no sense in it!" Sheriff Pa yelled.
"Are you representin' her? 'Cause you can't request that if you ain't," Kid said still standing.
"Thaddeus! Let me handle this."
"Well somebody had to ask that question."
"I was going to if you'd have given me time!"
His Honor banged the gavel at the group's second outburst. "I WANT SOME ORDER IN HERE! I WILL DECIDE WHO CAN AND CAN'T REQUEST THINGS!" He pointed at the sheriff. "You! Shut up!" Then he pointed at Kid. "You! Sit down!" Next it was Ruby's turn. "You! Quit looking at me like you're the Queen of Wyoming!" Finally, he pointed at Heyes. "And you, who do you want to argue with?! Him or her?!"
"Definitely her." Heyes put his hands on his hips.
"Alright then!" After composing himself, the judge looked thoughtfully at both the plaintiff and defendant. "I will allow the room to be searched. And let me remind you, Miss Ruby, that perjury is a crime that would send you to jail. So, with that in mind, do you give permission for your room to be searched or want to change your answer in any way?"
Ruby stuck her nose in the air and raised her eyebrows. "Go ahead and do your search! You won't find nothing!" She stomped over to a chair and plopped down crossing her legs.
In reality, Ruby had indeed drugged the bottle of whiskey when she asked Heyes to pull the curtains closed across the room. But she had wrapped the small bottle in an old pair of her unmentionables and tossed them in the trash as Heyes had slowly and unsteadily gotten himself redressed in her room later in the night. Her garbage can was emptied out each morning so she was sure there was nothing there to incriminate her.
Her Pa was staring a hole through Heyes throughout the last few exchanges. "I'll go search right now," the Sheriff said as he pushed himself away from the wall.
"NO," the Judge replied. "It will be searched by someone who won't be biased or influenced by any affiliation with either party."
Sheriff Pa leaned back scowling.
Ruby then had a thought that might further ensure her innocence. "Well then nobody can search it. If Pa can't, then neither of them can do it either. And there ain't no bailiff so guess it won't be done." She was proud of herself for thinking of that.
Heyes and Kid exchanged a glance. In their experience, every court had a bailiff present. If the room couldn't be searched and the judge decided that Heyes was trying to intentionally falsely accuse Ruby of anything, it might hurt his case and he might indeed be thought of as just trying to weasel out of his responsibility.
But his Honor had the solution as a man in uniform, that nobody had noticed standing in the shadows, walked up from the back of the room. "Oh yes it can. I have my own bailiff go with me in my travels. I've found you can't always find an honest one in small towns. Bailiff, go to the saloon and proposition a girl. Tell her you want to use Ruby's room because you heard it was the most 'entertaining'. Then pay the girl for getting you in there and look around for anything that might be used to enhance the effects of alcohol or sound judgment. Ask questions while there."
xxxxxxxxx
Twenty minutes later, Heyes was pacing, Kid has his feet propped up, the sheriff and a semi- nervous Ruby were talking quietly, and the judge was tapping his fingers, thinking this whole trial had slowly turned into something more resembling a circus than a court case.
Finally, the bailiff re-entered. In his hands was a small trash can. And in it, there were a couple of things making noise that proved it wasn't empty.
Ruby's eyes widened in disbelief and worry. "Where'd you get that?! The trash is taken out every morning!"
The judge allowed the bailiff to answer. "Apparently ma'am, the worker who attends to that and all the other cleaning is sick today. No trash cans were emptied."
Ruby visibly paled as she realized what was about to be revealed, and that there was nothing that she could do about it.
The bailiff sat the trash can on the judge's bench and putting on one of his gloves, moved the undergarment aside, pulled out an empty whiskey bottle, and then produced a small bottle which he held up for the judge to see. "An anonymous source told me Miss Ruby was seen buying medicine in the apothecary two days ago and she's not been sick. A few men also admitted to seeing Mister Smith staggering and slurring words but was exceptionally happy about it last night after coming back downstairs with Miss Ruby. He was NOT that way when they up went to her room."
His Honor read the label, frowned, then looked at Ruby. "Poppy seed tea. No doubt you got this from the apothecary since they carry it for pain relief."
"Well maybe I hurt a lot!" Ruby was desperate now.
The judge just continued. "Your reaction to seeing this can brought in, plus this empty bottle in your possession, in your trash can, tells me that you put it in Mister Smith's whiskey to produce a feeling of euphoria and influence him to do what you wanted, and that you also wanted rid of the evidence. The tea, mixed with the alcohol intake, leaves no doubt that this is what clouded Mister Smith's judgment and memories from last night. Do you realize, Miss Ruby, that you could have possibly killed him if you gave him too much? Then you would be headed to the hangman's noose," he finished sternly.
Both Heyes and Kid were outraged at what Ruby could've caused to happen. Heyes got a bit more nervous the more he thought about it, but Kid was livid. He started to get up but his partner walked over and put a hand on his shoulder. That, however, didn't keep the icy blue glower from penetrating the woman.
Heyes turned back to face Ruby, putting a winning smile on his face. "Looks like I was right," he whispered so she and her Pa could hear.
The Sheriff started to retort but was spoken over.
"SO THEN, according to the law, since Mister Smith proved without doubt that he was incapacitated by intoxication prior to agreeing to marriage, and requests an annulment for said reason, then I have no choice but to grant it. The marriage is null and void. In the eyes of the law, it never happened and will not be on record. Now, Miss Ruby, you have knowingly committed perjury, not to mention putting a life in danger, so I sentence you to a year in jail. Bailiff, take her out of here. She will travel with us to the next town where she will serve her sentence. Miss Ruby, count yourself lucky that I'm not sending you to prison. This court is adjourned, thank God." The gavel banged and it was finally over.
Ruby was still denying her guilt as she was taken hold of. "HE SET ME UP! ALL THAT WAS HIS DOING!"
Heyes smiled in celebration as Ruby snorted in anger before being led out. Sheriff Pa glared at him muttering, "You'll pay for hurting my girl, Smith."
xxxxxxxx
A very relieved Heyes and Curry hurried to leave town as soon as they left the courtroom and retrieved their belongings from the hotel. "Kid, I have to thank you," Heyes said as he swiftly packed.
Kid stopped cramming everything in his saddlebags for a second to look up. "Thank me? What for?"
"Because you put the thought of her possibly drugging my whiskey in my mind. And the evidence for that left no doubt for the judge. There was no way I could lose. So, thanks."
His blond cousin grinned. "You're welcome."
"Yep. Sometimes you have pretty good ideas."
"Couldn't you just have left it at 'thanks'?"
Heyes gave him his most irritating smile. "Nope."
xxxxxxx
As they slowed to a walk a few miles outside of town, Kid moved his eyes over to see his worn out looking cousin. "You feelin' okay?"
Heyes returned the look and grinned. "Yeah. Am now that I'm not hitched anymore."
"If being married for just one day makes a man look as tired and miserable as you do, I ain't never goin' to do it."
Heyes gave a soft laugh. "Well you might find one that's not crazy."
"Yeah. Ruby was crazy. She wanted you."
Heyes' grin morphed into a smirk. "That makes the third or fourth time today you've mistaken yourself for being funny."
"I found it amusing."
"You found horses not being able to be tattooed amusing too."
Kid went quiet a minute at that comment before he spoke again. "Well, Heyes, guess we can add another woman scorned to our growin' list."
"Along with another irate sheriff."
"Next time you want some female company, don't take a bottle with you."
"I'm not making no promises, Kid," Heyes grinned mischievously which earned him a roll of the blue eyes.
xxxxxxx
A/N - Unwashed poppy pods, poppy straw, and/or poppy seeds are used to create poppy seed tea, which gives a high when ingested. How long the effects last depend on how much is ingested. The dried pods or straw are ground into a powder and steeped in water. This is a popular way to extract opiates from the poppy. For centuries, poppy seed tea has been used for its analgesic, antidiarrheal, narcotic, or euphoric effects, or as a substitute for opiates.
And it actually is against the law to tattoo a horse in Wyoming.
