Birthday Parties, Challenges And Kisses, Survey Corps Style!

Summary: The Scouts celebrate our favorite Titan boy's birthday with cake, booze and silly games, supervised by 'responsible' adults. Some truths are unearthed. A certain Captain ends up on the receiving end of a surprise attack. Eren isn't as innocent as everyone thinks and Hange is having the time of her life. It's days like these that Erwin wonders why he became Commander and has doubts in humanity.

March 30th. Second to last day of the third month in the year. Tenth day of Spring. Eighty eight - or eighty ninth - day of the year. A time when days are sunny but the weather is still chilly and nature is waking up, entering full bloom as Spring fully settles in. A time when the Scouts are usually ready to go on new expeditions since there will be no more snow and rain will only occasionally descend from the skies. A time when some birds finally came back home and certain animals woke up from hibernation.

March 30th.

Eren Jaeger's birthday.

With how tense everything has been since Sawney and Bean's murder, a reason to celebrate and relax was hastily welcomed by the Scouts, even if some of the older veterans were not so fond of letting a bunch of kids, one of whom was the famous Titan Shifter, engage in dangerous activities while drunk, especially considering how Eren's transformations were triggered. But Commander Erwin Smith thought it would be good for morale and Squad Leader Hange Zoe just called all those against a small celebratory party 'sticks in the mud'. Levi Squad, after how they had hurt Eren's feelings by not trusting him after his accidental partial shift the other day, were quick to support celebrating the boy's birthday and their Captain didn't care either way, as long as no one got hurt and they cleaned up whatever mess they made the next day.

And so, those of the 104th who had joined the Survey Corps, along with Levi Squad and a few members from Mike's and Hange's Squads, got the permission to hold a small celebration for Eren's birthday, with appropriate gifts, a cake and some food. Erwin had even given the teens some meat for them to prepare hotpot or stew, as his gift to the boy and a welcome to the Scouts while Hange had helped the financially challenged cadets get the cake. Levi had given Eren an actual gift in the form of a better blanket since it was cold in the dungeons, for which the Titan Shifter was very grateful for. It was a blanket he'd cherish forever.

His friends had also gotten him gifts, Mikasa going out of her way to get him all of three, though one was handmade by her, which had Jean extremely jealous and starting a fight with Eren that the older Scouts had to break up unless they wanted the party to end prematurely if the other Squad Leaders and Captain thought the teens were being rude despite being granted such a big favor.

When everyone finished eating and had their small piece of the birthday cake and all the presents were opened, Olou, Gunther and Eld decided to show their rather irresponsible and childish side by presenting the teens with booze. The teens. Minors. With alcohol. Which caused inhibition and loss of control.

To Eren.

Petra didn't even have the time to protest just how irresponsible and dangerous that could be before everyone was cheering and had a full glass in their hands. And when Petra tried to protest and chide them for their behavior, Gunther and Olou teamed up to make her take a shot that had her gagging and them teasing her until she got pissed and was hellbent on showing them that she could, indeed, handle her alcohol. Which had Olou challenging her by saying she couldn't handle it as well as he could. "I've studied the Captain on the rare occasions he drinks so I know the perfect technique to stay sober no matter the amount of alcohol I drink!"

Of course, after all that bragging, it was exactly Olou who got plastered first. And Petra, honestly, wasn't far behind, therefore the only voice of reason at the party was practically out like a light while Gunther and Eld moderated themselves and nursed their drinks with care.

The cadets were surprisingly good at handling their alcohol. Well, most of them. Bertolt, Armin and Historia turned out to be complete lightweights. Sasha could handle her alcohol as well as she could handle her food. Mikasa and Ymir were on the deeper end of tipsy. Connie and Reiner had these random moments when they looked like they were going to throw up but it turned out to be a false alarm. And Jean seemed to be handling his alcohol the best out of the new recruits.

Well, aside from Eren, who had drunk an entire bottle of scotch as a dare and didn't seem to be at all affected by it. Probably as a result of his Titan healing or something.

Speaking of dares, truth or dare was actually a traditional party game among the Scouts, especially during birthday parties. It's a way for them to bond and get to know each other. And gather blackmail to tease each other with in tense situations so no one freezes at the most crucial moment that could end up in their death. The more daring - or plastered - only chose dares, which was probably for the best, as you know the saying In vino veritas and all.

Still, all sorts of things happened. The soldiers from Hange's Squad had many stories about explosions and poor Moblit's mental breakdowns whenever he saw Hange get too close to a Titan during an experiment or, worse yet, during an expedition. Gunther and Eld exposed Petra and Oluo about their reaction when they first faced a Titan. Or shared amazing stories about Humanity's Strongest Soldier's feats when slaying Titans. Nanaba from Mike's team told everyone of Mike's grudge against the vertically challenged Captain because Mike could never beat him in an arm-wrestling match. The youngsters mostly chose dares, so everyone found out Krista, unsurprisingly, had a rather beautiful singing voice, Reiner couldn't beat Mikasa in an arm-wrestling match even when she's bordering on drunk, Armin could still recite some of their old lessons from the academic parts of training before he passed out, Sasha could stuff five whole potatoes in her mouth. Connie wasn't actually bald, as Ymir found out when she was dared to run her hand over his head by a giggling Bertolt before he, too, joined Armin in sleepy-land. Jean was unfortunately too good at mimicking a horse neighing, which had the whole table doubling over in laughter and the tall teen glaring death at them all, especially Eren.

Mikasa, at some point, admitted that she only takes her scarf off to wash it every two weeks and when she's showering, which had Eren looking a bit disturbed and Jean wanted to kill him. Connie could sound out almost any song he knew in burps, which impressed Sasha and Reiner but grossed out everyone else. Eren was forced to drink a second bottle of alcohol like a shot.

The game went on and on until rather late in the night that even those who had koncked out woke up again and joined in the game again, which is how Oluo was forced to admit he was, indeed, imitating Captain Levi and Petra was forced to mimic Hange at their most manic, which got a round of applause and laughter from her soldiers.

"Okay guys, one last round," Eld said sternly when he noticed the time and no one really protested, as they were thankful to have gotten the chance to relax and just hang out like this as it was. "And no more alcohol. By the Walls, you guys are guzzlers! And good job to you, Eren," he said to the teen, who flushed a bit at the praise. "The Captain will be very pleased when he finds out he has a drinking partner that can't get drunk like him."

"How can someone so small drink so much!?" Nanaba groaned to herself, probably recalling that one time someone was stupid enough to challenge the man to a drinking contest back when the Captain was still relatively new to the Corps. But we don't talk about that. Not now or ever. It was that traumatizing.

"Whose turn was it, again?" Armin asked around a yawn as he leaned against Mikasa, practically dozing off again right then and there.

"Horseface's," Eren replied, listening to Eld and taking a glass of water instead of any more alcohol. He was practically as sober as when they had started, despite the alarming amounts of alcohol he'd consumed. There was barely a drunken flush across his cheekbones as testimony to his indulgences. Not that he'd particularly enjoyed it. He still found the drinks as nasty as the liquor Commander Pixis had offered to him back during the Battle of Trost, but he didn't want to seem rude when it was his superiors who kept refilling his glass. He was relieved he wouldn't have to drink any more of those foul beverages.

"Fuck you, suicidal bastard."

"No thanks. I'm not into bestiality."

Jean fumed when Sasha and Connie started laughing like lunatics, Reiner hiccuping through his own fit of giggles - who knew a guy as big as him could fucking giggle! - and even Mikasa laughing at Eren's joke. Oh, Jean was going to get his revenge this time. It was practically midnight. The birthday boy's special day is almost over, so Jean can stop playing the nice guy and rain on the dipshit's parade a little. "Alright, Jaeger. Truth or dare?"

"Well, I've been doing dares all night and I'd really not drink any more than I already have," Eren commented with a shrug. "So truth."

Jean raked his brain for a good question to ask before realizing the only things that could possibly embarrass a normal person wouldn't strike a nerve with Eren one bit besides shit that would be too insensitive to say even to your worst enemy. And Eren might be an idiot and an annoying shit, but Jean wasn't that much of an asshole to literally ruin Eren's entire day with a shitty question at the end of it. Besides, Mikasa was so overprotective when it came to the suicidal maniac, she would definitely deck him right now if he managed to somehow seriously offend him. So Jean settled on an honest curiosity instead of trying to mock Eren. He can do that another day, when he can actually think straight and come up with the perfect but harmless revenge. "Okay, so, who was your first kiss?"

Eren threw him an 'Are you dumb?' look even as everyone else Ooohed and Aaahed as they leaned in closer as if to not accidentally miss the name Eren might drop. Mikasa already looked murderous. Everyone present pitied whatever poor soul had managed to get a kiss from Eren before her. Her crush for him was obvious from the Walls!

"No one."

"What do you mean?" Jean asked, the alcohol honestly making him a bit stupid.

"I mean that I've never kissed anyone."

"... Seriously, man? Never?" Asked Reiner incredulously.

Connie looked like he was honestly contemplating the truth of the world if a guy as handsome and charming as Eren had never kissed a girl, or even a boy, and what that might mean for him. He wasn't self-conscious or anything, but damn, if Eren couldn't get some, what was the world turning into?!

Mikasa suddenly looked all serene again.

"May we ask why?" Krista asked politely and the Shifter just shrugged.

"I was never really interested."

"Right, your whole Titan-killing obsession," Sasha commented 'wisely' as she nibbled on a potato she seems to have acquired from out of thin air. No one questioned it. It just wasn't worth the headache in their drunken states.

Jean snorted. "I'm not surprised, actually," he taunted. "Who would even want to kiss an idiot like you?"

Everyone ignored how Mikasa actually raised her hand. Petra did the girl a favor and gently guided it down before the girl embarrasses herself more when intoxicated.

"Oh, go roll in some hay, you equine piece of shit," Eren replied, rolling his eyes. "As if you're any different! Who would want to kiss you? No girl is that desperate."

Jean puffed up his chest, smirking at the shorter teen. "I'll have you know I've kissed three different girls and even one boy."

"Hannah was dared to give you a peck on the cheek and you just accidentally turned your head at the wrong moment," Sasha countered, rolling her eyes. "The poor girl was traumatized!"

"And Marco really shouldn't count, either," said Connie with a snicker. "You know he had a weak spot for you even when you were spewing bullshit. If you'd asked him to stand on his eyelashes, he'd probably find a way to do it just so you'd smile at him."

"Marco was a cutie," Krista commented with a drunken giggle and Ymir immediately pouted that she didn't receive a compliment from her not-so-secret crush. "But Ymir's cuter!"

"No, Krista, you're the one who's the cutest!" Both Ymir and Reiner protested.

"I think Annie's cuter," Bertolt said in a whisper but Connie heard him and snickered.

"And Annie thinks Armin is the cutest."

Reiner looked at Connie, offended, when Bertolt deflated. "Now look at what you did! Besides, Annie would never!"

"Why?" Challenged Eren, a frown marring his features. "What's wrong with Armin?"

"Nothing, it's just that Annie would never be interested in him. Annie's not interested in anyone. Though I must admit I doubted for a while that she might have a thing for you, Eren."

"What the hell?" Asked both Eren and Jean.

"I knew it," growled Mikasa, making Petra scoot away from the girl. She looked rather feral at that moment.

"You mean to tell me a hot piece of ass like Annie likes the suicidal maniac?" Jean asked incredulously. Then he grinned. "Maybe you should go for it, Eren! That way, you won't stand in my way to court Mika-"

"Eren will never date anyone, ever. Eren will never kiss anyone, either," Mikasa cut in, her face set in a mask promising death and Jean gulped.

Gunther sighed and massaged his forehead. "How did this go from truth or dare and Eren not yet having his first kiss to this mess?"

His lament brought back the focus to the real matter at hand. "But seriously, man, did you really never kiss a girl?" Connie asked and Eren shook his head.

"A boy?" Ymir offered and Eren shook his head again.

"Nope. Not that I haven't thought about it, but it's just not all that important," Eren replied but a sudden flush to his cheeks contradicted his words.

Eld grinned. "Oh? Does wittle Eren have a crush?" Petra whacked him upside the head for teasing the boy, especially when Eren flushed harder.

"He does!" Crowed Reiner with an obnoxiously loud laugh. "Our little Eren's all grown up now!"

"I pity whoever his crush is if he doesn't even know how to kiss," Jean said snidely and Eren glared death at him.

"I bet I'd be a better kisser than you even without any experience, Jean-boy."

"I thought I told you to drop that already!" Snapped the taller of the two, both of them standing up to lean into the other's face over the table, faces set in a glower. The Levi Squad just watched, not sure how to act around this Eren who openly showed hostility, even if it was more on the competitive side than actual desire to hurt. "And alright, let's make a bet, shall we? I've already kissed several people and I've never received a complaint-"

"Except by Hannah," reminded Connie.

"That we know of, anyway," Ymir added with a snort that had Jean glaring at her. She remained unfazed and just arched a challenging eyebrow at him. Jean backed down, as she'd known he would, since he knew Ymir could easily hand him his ass in a fistfight.

"But you're so sure of your so-called skills even without ever having even pecked someone on the lips. Therefore, I propose that you have to kiss the first person to walk through those doors," he said as he pointed to the entrance to the dining room. "And then we'll ask for their opinion."

Eren made a face. "Ew, what if Shadis suddenly walked through those doors, huh? Or Pixis? Hell, it could be Zackly!"

"Who?"

"The Supreme General of all three military regiments," supplied Mikasa to the confused Sasha. "An old man, to explain why."

"Oh," the potato girl sounded in understanding.

"We can always raid Commander Erwin's private booze stash," offered Eld with a grin. "It's the good, strong stuff and there's plenty of it, so I'm sure even you can get drunk on it, Eren, hopefully erasing any unpleasant memories." Eren looked doubtful at that.

"What's the matter, Eren? Are you chicken?" Jean continued to mock him with chicken noises and Eren growled at him.

"Fine! I accept! But if I win, you have to clean the stables for my rotation for the next month! At least you'll have the other horses to keep you company."

"Watch it, fucker! But deal. And when I win," the taller boy said with a grin that made the Shifter growl. "You have to admit that I'm better than you?"

"What the fuck? You want me to lie? Did you forget our scores all throughout training?"

"Says the idiot who couldn't even stay upright in the very first 3DMG test!"

"Fuck you, everyone saw that my gear was damaged! Even Shadis said so himself!"

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, suicidal maniac."

"So do we have a bet?" Ymir asked, interrupting their pointless argument.

"Sure," Eren replied, still not taking his glare off of Jean. "I just have to kiss the first person who walks through that door, right?"

"It has to be a lover's kiss," interjected Reiner with a lecherous grin. "Otherwise, it doesn't count!"

"Whatever," Eren dismissed and properly stepped away from the table to be ready for his, well, victim.

"Hey, guys, isn't this a bit mean? I mean, it's his first kiss we're talking about," Sweet, kind Krista argued, sending the Shifter a worried look.

At that, Mikasa seemed to realize what was going on and suddenly lurched to her feet.

"Shit, grab her! She'll ruin all the fun because she'll just say anything Eren does is the best!" Ymir cried and both she and Sasha and even Nanaba lunged to hold back the black haired girl. Armin still leaning against her and her not wanting him to slam to the floor helped in slowing her down just enough for the door to the dining area to open and all the party goers whipped their heads around to see the (un?)lucky person walking through the door. Nanaba promptly fell to the floor and started rolling with laughter while practically every cadet and other soldier became as pale as if they'd seen the ghosts of their fallen comrades.

For through that door had just walked in none other than Humanity's Strongest Soldier, Captain Levi himself, with Squad Leader Hange Zoe hot on his heels and Commander Erwin Smith and Squad Leader Mike Zacharias were just behind them. The Captain and the scientist were arguing about something, the Titan-crazed woman trying to convince him to let her do something or the other and he was vehemently refusing her requests.

"For the last time, Four Eyes, the day I let you bury yourself in some Titan's nose to check if they have the same snot as humans is the day I let a Titan kiss me!"

"No way," Connie whispered, staring with wide eyes the drama and chaos that was about to unfold before their very eyes as Eren's sights landed on the diminutive Captain and determination sparked in those green orbs.

"He's not actually gonna do it ... right?" Bertolt asked, worried for Eren's fate.

"By the Walls," Jean couldn't help but let out a horrified whisper as he realized he'd just doomed Humanity's Last Hope to almost certain instant death.

Ymir and Sasha only held onto Mikasa harder when she realized who was going to end up being Eren's first kiss.

Armin and Olou finally woke up due to all that commotion while the other Squad Levi members snapped into action to stop Eren too little too late, because the brunet boldly walked up to their arguing superior officers, drawing their attention to himself. Hange beamed and was about to greet him and probably wish him a happy birthday one last time but her jaw dropped to the floor as Eren sidled up to his Captain, gently took his face between his large hands and smoothly leaned down to seal their lips together.

Levi froze, eyes going wide as he realized what was going on and his mouth opening in a surprised gasp, which Eren used to slide his tongue into the older male's mouth. Levi let out a startled moan when the teen's tongue started exploring, massaging his own tongue and leaving no crook or crany untouched. Eren had to catch his superior and hold him steady when Levi's knees gave out on him after Eren did that with his tongue, clutching almost desperately at the boy so he doesn't actually end up on the floor. He had nothing to worry about, as Eren wasn't done with him yet, but that might just be more to be worried about as Levi already felt like combusting. He tried to return the kiss but he was actually feeling a bit dazed and lightheaded as he did his best to breathe through his nose as the mind-blowing kiss continued. It never even occurred to him to try to put a stop to it; it just felt too good.

"Guys, guys! Are you seeing this!?" Hange squealed as she and the two tall blonds could only stand back and watch as their friend had his brains scrambled by a teenager's kiss.

"Oh, I'm seeing it," Mike reassured, not sure what to make of the sight before them.

"Still working on the believing part," Erwin admitted, his impressive eyebrows nearly reaching his hairline. He actually had to pinch himself to make sure he's not dreaming. "Well, that's one way to get your first kiss."

Mike snorts. "At least Levi seems to be enjoying it!" He said with a grin.

"I don't believe it," Connie croaked out.

"No way," Sasha said with eyes as wide as dinner plates, for once interested in something more than food.

Armin was suddenly wide awake and perfectly sober.

Krista was red in the face while Reiner and Ymir catcalled and wolf whistled, cheering Eren on.

Bertolt had actually passed out from the stress.

Olou had nearly bitten his tongue off when he first saw the kiss, Eld and Gunther were gawking and Petra was frozen, wide-eyed and mouth agape.

The other Scouts were left speechless at the audacity and balls of one Eren Jaeger.

Nanaba was having the time of her life.

And Jean was questioning his life choices.

Hange suddenly lunged at the pair. "EREEEEEN! YOU'RE A LIFESAVER!" She almost managed to knock the two over, but Eren somehow managed to twist them out of the way before she collided with them, gently ending the kiss with one final peck on his Captain's lips. They both ignored the whining Hange on the floor as they stared into each other's eyes, Levi's wide, dazed and incredulous while Eren rather looked like the cat that got the cream, if not for the gentle glint in his eyes as he gazed down at the shorter male.

"You know, you're really cute, all flustered and blushing like that, Captain."

"Uh huh," Levi sounded, clearly still out of it. Eren grinned. He leaned down and kissed the Captain's pale forehead, bringing the man closer against his body and all but snuggling him. That finally snapped Levi out of his daze but he made no move to push him away or leave his arms. "What the hell, brat?"

"It was a dare," Eren said with a shrug as he pulled away a bit to meet Levi's gaze. "Though I can't believe I lucked out to share my first kiss with my love interest. And on my birthday, too! Best birthday gift ever!" He leaned down again and pecked the Captain's nose, somehow making him blush even brighter than before. "Thank you, Captain!" He chirped while the older man stared at him in shock.

"That was your first kiss?! What the fucking hell, Eren!? Are you a natural or something? My knees feel like jelly!" Now Levi felt inadequate, since that was, indeed, his own first kiss, too, and Eren didn't seem nearly as affected.

"And my heart feels like it's going to beat out of my chest!" Eren chirped yet again, in far too good of a mood to register anything else but the man in his arms. Who still made no move to leave, mind you. "See?" Eren boldly took Levi's hand, interlaced their fingers and placed the Captain's smaller male against his chest. "Best first kiss I could have ever imagined!"

Levi couldn't quite meet his gaze as he mumbled "Mee, too." It only caused Eren's smile to widen even more until his mouth almost matched his Titan form's width.

Suddenly, there was a war cry from Mikasa and another squeal from Hange as the former lunged to kill Levi while the latter did manage to engulf them both in a huge bear hug this time, effectively intercepting Mikasa's attack, especially when Moblit, sensing Hange might be in danger, seemingly magically appeared just in time to hold back the hand with the fork in a stabbing motion, glaring at Mikasa threateningly the way he only did people who endangered his Squad Leader.

"Eren! Thank you so much for your contribution to science!"

"What the fuck are you talking about, Shitty Glasses? And get off me! When's the last time you bathed!?"

"You said you'd let me check for Titan buggers when you let a Titan kiss you! Eren's a Titan, therefore I get to collect me some Titan snot!"

"What the hell, Hange?" Eren asked, now trying to get out of their hold.

"Move out of the way! I'll kill that shorty if it's the last thing I do!"

"Calm down before we have you court martialed!" Moblit snapped at Mikasa, but the girl didn't relent. Mike moved to help the man while Erwin helped get Hange off from an increasingly murderous-looking Levi before he does something to his best friend that he will regret later.

"So," Eren said when the scientist was pried off of them and handed over to her Squad, who were simply not ready to deal with any of this bullshit. "Does this mean you're not opposed to more kisses in the future?"

Levi, now back to his usual demeanor, arched an eyebrow at the daring little shit, so completely different from the boy who just a few days ago jumped in fright whenever he noticed Levi in the room. Now, there was a certain gleam in Eren's eyes that Levi couldn't quite name. It was almost like the time Eren had declared he'd kill all the Titans, or that time in the courtroom before Levi gave him the beating of the decade just to save his life. That look which screamed that there was a monster hiding behind the innocent face of this boy. Levi rather liked that look in his eyes, even if he didn't fully understand what it might mean. But confidence looked good on Eren. "Feeling rather bold, are we?"

"Well, fortune does favor the bold. Or brave, but it's practically one and the same in this context."

Levi just shook his head with a small smile, far too fond of the boy for his own good. "Why don't we take it one step at a time, you shitty brat?"

The smile Eren sent his way this time seemed to almost completely erase that certain look in his eyes and it was rather breathtaking. "I'd like that!"

Meanwhile, on the other side of stopping Mikasa from murder and stopping Hange from trying to get Eren to transform into his Titan form right then and there so they can explore his nasal cavity, Jean had his head in his hands while he contemplated his life choices and just how much of his free time would be wasted cleaning the stables. And to Captain Levi's standards, no less.

Cake, booze and truth or dare. Just your regular birthday party with the Scouts!

One Eren Jaeger will remember for the rest of his life.

DAS ENDE

A/N: Well, there's that! Happy Birthday to our favorite Titan Shifter!

If anyone's interested in the peculiarities of this brief AU, this happens before the fight with the Female Titan, as can be deduced based on the characters present. The reason our romantically-inexperienced angry boi is such a good kisser is all thanks to the Attack Titan's powers. Basically, older Eren pulled the by now famous and infamous 'Eren told me to' meme and instructed his younger self on how to please his Captain.

And how is older Eren so knowledgeable, you might ask? Well, you can either go with the loop theory or the memories of previous Titan Shifters theory, whatever you like better! Or even both!

Is this fic ultimately canon-compliant? Also up to your own interpretation, but in my own head, based on the atmosphere of the fic itself, this thing had an alternate ending where Eren actually got the chance to live a happy life, screw the Curse of Ymir or even Marley! I'm applying self-care for once! This BS ends with the Scouts reaching the sea and having a good time on the beach!

Also, if anyone's wondering, yes, Levi's also a virgin. I honestly don't see a guy who grew up in a brothel where his mother had to sell her body to get food on the table being too eager to engage in sex or anything even closely related to it once he grows up. I'm thinking he'd need to develop quite deep feelings for someone to even think about it. But that's just my headcanon.

Anyways, I hope you guys liked this story! Please feel free to tell me what you think!