Author's note: Enjoy!
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns the canon, world, and characters portrayed below and you can tell I'm not J.K. Rowling because #transrights
Warnings: Sirius backstory (canon child abuse and imprisonment)
Coming On Way Too Fast
From the first hello you gave to me I've done nothing else but smile
And I know you're in a hurry, but it's gonna take a while
So forgive me if we go slow, but there's something I think you should know
I'm going fast as I can, please don't make me rush
This feeling's coming on way too fast
I'll tell you all of the things that you'll never forget
But I'm not ready say, "I love you" yet
-"Fast As I Can," Great Big Sea
Sirius was already bundled in his sheets when Kingsley cracked open his bedroom door. A few candles were flickering about, but Sirius looked lumpy and still under the bedsheets. Still, he didn't grunt at Kingsley to go away, so Kingsley stepped in and closed the door behind him. He shrugged off his Auror cloak, slipped out of his work boots, and unclipped his Auror Badge from his belt loop. After giving Sirius another moment to tell him off or ask for space, Kingsley approached, pulled back a corner of the sheets, and slipped into bed along Sirius. The smell of Firewhiskey did not miss his nose.
"Hey," Kingsley said. "I'm sorry I had to leave this morning before you got up so we could… talk about…"
"It's fine," Sirius said. "You have work. You had somewhere to be, something to do."
"I much rather have been with you," Kingsley promised.
"Right."
"Sirius," Kingsley said. "You don't have to pull away like that."
"I'm fine."
"You did this when you were a little boy, too–at all those high wizarding society events," Kingsley said. "You were quiet on the days that your dad was at his worst. I was just a kid too, so I didn't realise it at the time. But I know you. I know you now. You don't have to pull away."
"I didn't mean to say it," Sirius said. "Or scare you off, or…"
"You didn't," Kingsley said. "I only left before you got up this morning because I had to leave for work. I would have woken you up if I'd thought it would scare you, or that you would think I'd run away. I only realised when Remus said he hadn't seen you all day. I promise, Sirius. You didn't scare me off."
Sirius took a deep breath, his breath warming up the space between the sheets.
"I've never done anything like this before," he said.
"What do you mean?" Kingsley asked.
"I've never been in a… Oh, Merlin, if I hadn't scared you off before—" Sirius scoffed.
"No," Kingsley said, something stirring at the bottom of his stomach. He slipped his arms around Sirius and gave him a squeeze. "Say it. I want to hear you say it."
"I've never been in a relationship before," Sirius said. He twisted around so that he could face Kingsley, without straying from his arms. "I was never a saint, don't get me wrong. Nor did I have particularly good taste or high standards. But I was young, then, and I was stupid and free and unattached and… I just never learned how to stand by someone properly, how to go through the motions, how to make something… real. And then I lost so much time in Azkaban that I'm so behind, now that I want to stand by you."
Kingsley nestled his nose in the back of Sirius's hair and smiled to himself for a minute to treasure that idea; standing by Sirius Black, the way stars in the same constellations or constellations in a galaxy hovered by one another…
"We're already real," Kingston said. "And you should know that I never found anyone like you before either. Not when I was trying, not by accident; not when I was young, not after I started turning grey. It's not the same, I know. But it means I've never done anything like this before either."
"Okay," Sirius said quietly, breathing out in relief.
Kingsley let go one of his hands and pushed a few stray curls, stuck to Sirius's forehead, away.
"And also, I love you too," Kingsley said.
WC: 687
