warning: spoilers for Saeran's main route (happy ending) and Saeran's after ending (happy ending). The events in this fic take place after the happy ending in the after ending.

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'I just want to watch the clouds with you… Forever…'

I'm not sure what wakes me up in the middle of the night that night, but I instinctively look to my left to see Saeran sleeping peacefully beside me. It felt so surreal to be able to lie here in bed, at peace with him… All the problems looming over us, the people threatening to tear us apart, it's all over. Saeran's at peace, he's become one with Ray, and we've been living in nothing but bliss since. Saeran refuses to leave my side, and I refuse to leave his. I felt like if I let him out of my sight for even a moment, someone might try to take him away from me again.

Even if anyone tried, ever again, I would stop them, and I would find a way to prevail! Rika, V, Saeran's father… None of them could come between us anymore.

And yet… Why am I so filled with fear?

Is this mere anxiety, or a bad omen? I wasn't sure. Gently, as not to rouse Saeran, I rolled out of bed and went into the bathroom. I briefly glanced at the alarm clock on my way; it's 3:30 am, dammit… I can't even sleep through the nights these days. The events of the past few months still haunt me, but I refuse to give in to these negative feelings, or burden Saeran with my troubled thoughts. Compared to me, he's been through so much more agony then I could ever fathom. I didn't deserve to dump my inner turmoil on him and ruin his healing process, I'm determined to swallow it all down until I eventually get over it.

I wish there's a button I could press to turn off my emotions, just for a little while, just until these nightmares and awful, paranoid feelings go away.

I'm not sure how long I stand in the darkness in the bathroom, but I snap myself out of it and flick on the bathroom lights. I hesitantly peer at myself in the mirror, and immediately regret it. There are dark circles around my eyes; I've been getting up every morning before Saeran to put on concealer and hide them. I don't want anyone to worry over me, especially Saeran. His healing meant more to me than anything else… Even me.

Still… I have to pull myself together before anyone starts to notice. It's a good thing that most of my communication with the RFA members is through messenger and not in person, otherwise Jaehee probably would've caught on to my ragged appearance. We're both women, after all, and not a lot flies over her head. However, it's much easier to pretend you're alright behind a computer screen.

My hair is overgrown; I hate how it looks, how suffocating it feels. I'd let it grow out too much, as well as my bangs, which now almost completely covered my eyes. I look like a sheepdog. At least I'm at a healthy weight, I share meals with Saeran and sometimes Saeyoung every day. Those two take good care of each other and me.

So why… Why am I not happy? Why do I have to suffer with these emotions? Anxiety, paranoia, depression, fear… I wish I knew exactly what I was so afraid of, other than getting separated from Saeran again…

What can I do… To make sure that Saeran always stays by my side?

I never want him to get taken away again… please… don't ever leave again…

Suddenly, there's wetness on my cheeks. My cloudy gaze returns to the mirror, and I see tears streaming down my cheeks. I held back a sob and rubbed viciously at my cheeks, 'What are you crying for?! Stop it!'

I turned off the lights and slumped down on the floor, my back against the wall as I took deep breaths. I needed to calm down, there's no reason to cry. Saeran is safe, Saeyoung is safe, everyone is safe… Right?

Knock knock.

I nearly jumped out of my skin; I hadn't heard footsteps approaching… I must've been lost in my thoughts. I scrambled to my feet and collected myself as best as I could, before I hesitantly opened the door.

"MC? Are you alright?"

I'm both relieved and unnerved to see Saeyoung there; relieved because it wasn't Saeran, and unnerved because I had to think of a way to explain why I was sitting in a dark bathroom alone at three in the morning. I avoid his gaze and look at my feet instead, hiding behind my bangs as I usually did when I was nervous, "I- I'm fine, sorry for hogging the bathroom."

"Hmm," Saeyoung sounded like he wasn't buying it, and perhaps my behavior is contradictory to my words, but I was never a good liar. Especially not to the people I care about… I hated lying, but this is for everyone's own good. No one has time to worry about me.

"You know, MC, I've been noticing you getting up a lot during the night," Saeyoung starts casually, as if he's making light conversation, but his tone is serious. I bit my lip, not commenting so he continued on, "Are you an insomniac?"

"What? No, not at all," I'm quick to reassure him, collecting myself and raising my gaze to meet his' finally. His glasses reflected just slightly in the moonlight that spilled in from the windows; his gaze was uncharacteristically serious, his eyes soft as he gazed at me. I steeled my nerves as I continued, hoping I can talk my way out of an interrogation, "It's nothing, I've just been having some odd dreams is all. Please, don't worry about me."

"Yeah, but… It's been happening for over a week now," Saeyoung didn't sound like he was buying what I told him. His tone sounded even more suspicious if anything, "When I first noticed it, I didn't say anything but I probably should've. I apologize for that… Is there anything you want to talk about?"

I shook my head, feeling absolutely pathetic. I thought that I was being sneaky, but it turned out Saeyoung had been onto me this whole time. I don't deserve his kindness, or his worry, he should be focused on his brother, and here I am, making it about me. I cleared my throat and straightened my shoulders, "No, it's nothing, I promise."

I pushed past him and padded towards the door to my lover's room, pausing for a moment with my hand on the door handle, "Please don't mention to Saeran about my odd sleeping habits, I don't want to worry him, and I intend on taking care of myself."

"MC…" Saeran's tender voice made me pause just a moment longer, "You don't have to."

A long pause followed his words.

"Yes I do," I whispered softly, refusing to turn and meet his concerned gaze. I might just burst into tears again if I did, "So promise you won't."

"... Fine. For now."

I scoffed at that, but I figured that's the best I'm getting for now, "Thank you," I replied and opened the bedroom door quietly; I'm relieved to see Saeran sleeping soundly still, he looked so at peace laying there on our big bed, tucked in the covers.I close the door behind me, eager to join him again; I slip under the blanket and Saeran instantly reaches for me with his gentle hands in his sleep. It's like he instinctively wanted me close. My heart warms at the thought; I lean my head on his chest and bask in his warmth. I loved him so much. All I wanted was his happiness, his ease, to be everlasting.


A/N: Let me know what you guys think, I've been obsessed with this game for the past month, I just finished Saeran's route and I got the happy ending on the After Ending, so I wanted to branch out on the MC and her story, and her struggles with herself and her own family. There's going to be a lot of mental health struggles here, some mentions of self harm or attempted suicide, so please read with discretion. Don't worry, there will be a happy ending.

This is my first Mystical Messenger fanfic, so constructive criticism is welcome and encouraged! Please leave your thoughts below, update will be in a few days!