guide:
"Normal talking"
"Spoken in foreign language"(in this case English)
'Thoughts'
Flashbacks/Memories
*Techniques*
Music
Chapter 10- To Hell and Back
"Be realistic." He repeated. This was his first attempt at this new strategy.
"What are you sayin' Deku?"
"N-Nothing Kacchan." He didn't know when he was able to gain control of his body somewhat. He needed to pass this and get out of here. He doesn't want to do this anymore. Sometime in those few thousand attempts, he had wished to just die, to be the one who was on the receiving end of the blade.
But no matter what happened, no matter how much pain he was in, he just couldn't die. The torture just continued.
He needed to focus. He wanted to end this trial and get out of here. If he can't even do that, then he really should just die because he won't be able to control his power anyway and that's the reason for him being here in the first place.
'Control your emotions. Your power acts based on your emotions, your rage. All I need to do is feel nothing and it can't go wrong, right?'
He understood what he had to do now.
'This trial is about moving on and forgetting the past.'
"You should probably just give up." The quirk doctor they visited told him.
'Ignore them! Ignore that feeling in your heart Izuku! Block it out.'
He sat there on the chair with his mother to his left but he couldn't hear her voice talking. His face was expressionless, blank. There was no point being shocked at something he already knew.
The scene around him changed and now he stood in front of three boys his age in a sandy playground. Behind him was a boy on the dirt whose name he didn't know.
"Hmph. Even though your quirkless, you're pretending to be a hero Deku?
They rushed at him, throwing punches, kicks, explosions. He was lifted off the ground and dropped by the red winged boy and ensnared by the other boy's long fingers.
'Bear the pain Izuku. Don't let them get to you.' He thought to himself as he took the beating. He felt each attack of the boys before him but ignored them. This was in the past. There was no point in feeling anything for it. After reliving this moment thousands of times, the pain almost felt natural, it didn't hurt as much as it used to. That or he's just really gotten used to feeling the pain. Why didn't he realize sooner that this was all he had to do?
The pain stopped and he opened his eyes to see the burning image of the sun. He got to his feet and watched Kacchan and his minions leave the playground.
'That wasn't so hard. I think I can do this.'
"Izuku! Izuku it's time to go home!"
'...'
'I hope.'
He stood in his room with his back to the door as he listened at the argument just outside his safe walls.
"How can a child of mine be quirkless?! Both of us have quirks."
"Hisashi please, it's not that bad. He's a healthy child and that's enough to be thankful for..."
"No It's not Inko! That boy won't have a future. This world won't accept him and he'll be treated as a disgrace! What will happen to us?!"
'Don't listen to it. Don't feel it. There's no point in lingering in the past. I just need to accept it and move on. I need to destroy these feelings.'
"I've seen what happens to those people. Nine out of ten don't even make it past their teenage years and even if they did he'll hardly find a good job."
"Hisashi! How could you say that about Izuku?! He's our son and as his mother I'll do whatever it takes to make him safe and happy! And as his father you should be there to support him!"
"Even if I did, the world won't treat him the same way and it'll just come back to us. I can't be related to some quirkless runt!"
"Hisashi! He's your son!"
"I'm not wasting resources on a quirkless brat!"
'I need to abandon my emotions.'
The door slammed with a loud bang and his mother started crying.
The betrayal he felt, the bubbling guilt and sadness, he suppressed them all. He closed his eyes and grit his teeth, placing a fist over his beating heart to stop its uncontrollable thumping. There's no point in getting sad over losing a parent you barely knew. But...
'Thank you mom... for standing up to me, for loving me unconditionally.'
...for the one he loves most, he could never thank her enough.
"Oh yeah, Midoriya, you wanted to go to U.A. too, right?" His teacher spoke.
Boisterous laughter erupted all around the classroom as all the attention was focused on him.
"Huh? Midoriya?"
"Seriously?"
"Hahaha. No way!"
"You can't get into the hero course by just studying!"
He didn't respond and just allowed himself to be assaulted by his classmates. He can't let them get to him. He shouldn't feel anything.
*Boom*
"Hey, Deku! You're below the rejects! You're quirkless! How can you stand in the same ring as me?"
"What the hell can you do?! You're quirkless!"
"We're not done talking yet Deku"
"Katsuki what's that?"
"Huh? "Hero Analysis for the Future"?"
"Seriously?! Midoriya..."
The notebook he worked so hard on was set aflame by Katsuki's explosions and was thrown out the open window.
"Hmph. Most top heroes have stories about them from their school days. I want the fame to be called the only student to make it into U.A. from this mediocre junior high school. After all I am a perfectionist."
"So anyway... don't apply to U.A. nerd." Katsuki threatened with a wicked smile. The smell of smoke filled his nose as Katsuki placed his hand on his shoulder setting off small explosions that burned his school uniform. They began walking away and he just held his head down.
"Come on you could at least say something back." One of Katsuki's cronies mocked.
"Don't say that. He's pathetic. He still hasn't faced reality." The other added.
'That's right. I haven't faced reality yet . That's why I am facing it now. The reality of this situation is that it's pointless to linger on these memories. I have to forget and let them go. I can't let them haunt me forever. That's what I have to do.'
"If you wanna be a hero so badly there's a quick way to do it..." Katsuki spoke again.
"Go take a swan dive off the roof and pray in the next life you get a quirk." He finished that sentence and left the room with his cronies in tow.
'Kacchan, you're a jerk. An absolute bully. But I still admire you. I admire your determination, your talent, your confidence. I wish I could've had those. I like to think that we're a lot alike even though we're not. We both idolized All Might but...for different reasons and maybe that's what drove us apart.'
The sound of the other boys' footsteps faded and he looked to the open window where the sky was a bright blue and the light breeze could barely enter the now empty room. He turned his gaze to his hands. He closed his eyes and clenched them into fists.
'I can do this...I have to do this! I promised myself from that day I won't listen to what anyone says. I'll plunge forward and hold my head up high! How could I forget that promise to myself?'
He opened his eyes again and was met with the sight of a rooftop and a shriveled skinny blonde man.
"Without power, you can't be a hero."
'I do have power and I'm going to earn it back.'
"It's alright to dream just... make sure it's realistic."
Those words still stung his heart just like the countless times before, but now he realized the wisdom behind them, he understood what he needed to do through them.
'All Might...' he wanted to say how he truly felt before he could ever forget.
'You let me down. Out of everyone, I hoped you would...'
'You inspired me all my life! Even though that day was the only time I ever got to talk to you in person, it always felt like you were with me in a way. I wanted you to inspire me more... I wanted to know that everything I've hoped for wasn't...no, there's no point in this...'
'There's no reason for me to feel this way...it's my fault for hoping. You only said what a responsible adult would. I realize that now.'
'Thank you... for giving me the answer.'
Even if the man never intended to...
He hopes it's the answer.
The scene around him changed again. The blue skies above him were replaced by the green foliage of a forest and the concrete beneath his feet changed to soil. His gaze fell from the sky to the view in front of him. A girl clad in a pink jacket with her arm outstretched pointing further into the forest, leading him to another adventure. The shadows produced by the trees made it look less appealing as if it were an ominous void of no return.
He breathed in shakily and steeled what nerves he has left. This trial was changing. It was really testing him, sequencing events in terms of how he responded and he was terrified by that realization.
He moved from his spot towards his friend and looked at her with a blank face. She smiled back and grabbed his hand, pulling him forward dragging him off to the direction of their adventure, to his next obstacle.
'Control yourself. Don't get lost in the illusion. Don't let your happiness get the best of you.'
"Ready for another adventure Izu-kun?"
'It's not real!'
He nodded his head. His face devoid of any emotions. He suppressed them. He has to...
To end this misery
Fifteen minutes.
Merlin waited an eventful fifteen minutes for this trial now. In those fifteen minutes, she watched her student go through hell on Earth in his own mind.
After the first fifteen seconds, the boy no longer bore any positive expression on his youthful freckled face. All that was present was an expression contorted from pain and anger. His eyes despite being closed poured what looked like an endless stream of tears that now left a red trail down his cheeks before dripping from his chin. What was even worse was the sound of his voice every time he failed. It was hoarse from all the screaming and choking she was sure he had damaged his vocal chords.
After the first minute, the boy's legs had already given out and he fell to his knees. Sometimes he would shake his head and even pull at his hair as he screamed. Sweat dripped from his forehead as the time passed and his body tensed even more. His arms would twitch and his hands would clench tightly into fists.
From looks alone, Izuku Midoriya was not going to make it through this. So why didn't she stop it already?
Why didn't she end his suffering?
Why did she let this drag on for what was fifteen painful minutes for her and probably centuries for Izuku?
It was because she believed that he can still do it. To go back on her words now and let Izuku out would only lead Izuku to what she believed as a self destructive path. He needs to do this so he can truly, properly move on without waiting years. He needs to be ready now.
That was what she told herself. But another part of her spoke much differently. Watching the boy in front of her on his knees suffering from his inner turmoil possibly destroying himself from within, she wanted to spare him the pain and apologize to him for her rash decision making. A chance at proper rehabilitation and time to cope was what she was supposed to give him, after all...
How could she do this to him after being somewhat responsible for the his suffering in the first place?
She weighed her options and finally released a guilty shaky breath. She reached out from her spot and pointed her fingers to the boy's forehead. They were going to do this properly. She was about to chant the spell for release when she was caught off guard by the sight before her.
One Love by KOHTA YAMOMOTO
"Izu-kun, you should be more careful. You're so clumsy sometimes I'm surprised you also haven't fallen off a cliff and into a hole." She said cheekily while holding his bleeding finger.
He looked at her with a plain face. His eyes were unmoving as he just stared at her devoid of any emotion on the outside.
"Hey look it's a bunny! Let's go chase it and see if we find more!" She exclaimed happily before going off and after the small mammal.
"Y-Yeah."
'Don't feel it. Don't feel the joy.'
He wanted to smile. To feel the warm embrace of joy seeping through his heart. But he couldn't. He shouldn't feel anything, there's no point in feeling anything anymore. That's why he's robbing himself of his own happiness. He just needs to forget and move on.
...
"Izuku? I'm home." Inko called out within their home.
"I'm here." He replied back monotonously.
"I'm sorry, I don't get to spend more time with you here sweetie but it's my rest day today and I'm making your favorite tonight." She smiled at her only son, her joy and pride.
'Don't apologize. Don't apologize to me. Don't feel anything.'
He merely nodded his head in affirmation and the scene around him changed again
...
"So what do you think of the story? I really like this one, it's one of my favorites because the princess loved the prince so much, she chose to live on as a beast rather than kill him to be freed from her curse. The ending was really pretty too." She said as she clutched her picture book tighter and looked to him. She had just finished reading a book she'd been meaning to show him and she was nervously waiting for his opinion. Something he would've found cute.
He just ignored the question, the illusion. He chose not to let himself bask in the fantasy. He was going through his memories of Azuki and his mother bit by bit and each and every time he just ignored it, not feeling for it.
The scene changed again like the last time and he somehow found the determination to push through with this. He just needed to ignore them and block out the feelings in his heart.
"Izu-kun!"
'Ignore it.'
...
"Izu-kun..."
'Don't feel anything!'
...
"IZU...!" '
'Control your emotions once and for all!'
...
"I...zu..."
He opened his eyes and looked down. The bloody snow beneath his feet. The mutilated remains behind him. The now lifeless body of his one true friend. He had seen this oh so many times now.
'She's gone, Izuku. You've known that for a long time. Just forget about her and go, right? There's no reason to lose yourself in anger.'
With all his will power he pushed the bubbling feelings he had left deep down his heart and for what felt like years, a small smile formed on his face as he looked around the snowy forest away from the gruesome scene just below him. He felt the snow touch the skin on his face and he couldn't help but shiver at the contact.
'It was so simple. Why didn't he understand sooner?'
Except...
It wasn't .
"AAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHHH"
Everything he had buried in his heart had finally burst out and leaked through the bleeding open wounds.
He lost control...again
"Why can't I stop this feeling?!"
The boiling in his blood, the twisting knot in his gut, the fat tears building up in his eyes. Just seeing this scene again made him explode with rage along with every other pent up emotion he's been trying to hold back. He could feel the sinking of his heart in his chest as it thumped loudly, painfully, he was sure it was going to burst out of his rib cage.
'No! I need to try again!.'
And again he did.
And again he failed.
Merlin paused what she was about to do. Izuku placed his hand on his heart and clenched it through the fabric of his shirt. His eyes were still shut but his expression shifted to a more composed one as if he were concentrating.
'He's making progress!' She thought to herself surprised at this development. It made her second thought her decision. His expression however changed back to after a second or two.
It wasn't enough to suppress all her doubts but it was enough to make her back up and allow him to continue his trial. And so, she waited. She waited for his return.
3367...
'Why can't I move on?'
4814...
'Why can't I forget?'
5544...
'Why can't I destroy these emotions?'
7776...
He was going insane he knew that. He was losing his mind and whatever sanity was left in him. Bit by bit this trial ate away at his being. He tried thousands of times to understand what he needs to do. He tried a few thousand more to finally overcome his emotions but no matter how hard he tried, he always failed in two moments.
He can handle being abandoned by a father he never go to know.
He can handle being scorned with harsh words, bullied, and rejected by everyone around him.
He can handle his dream being shattered by All Might.
He can forget all of those. But...
No matter how hard he tried to accept them, that they were gone forever because of a monster, he can't seem to forget them like the others.
"I...zu..." Her weak voice called out to him one last time. The voice that belonged to someone who took his pain away, who replaced it with happiness. Someone who got rid off three years of loneliness in just three days.
"Why can't I forget you...?" He spoke in a weak hurting voice that threatened his tears to spill out.
'Why?'
'Why?'
'Why?'
"Why does it hurt even more when I try to...?"
...
"Because it's not right."
'Because I wouldn't be here without you.'
'Because every breath I take is because of you.'
'Because it's wrong to forget the ones you love.'
"AAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH!"
He finally realized where he had been wrong this whole time.
7777...
"I get it now. I can't forget you. It's impossible for me to forget you, Zuki-chan, mom."
'All I can do...'
"Mommy will always love you"
'All I can do is...'
"Isn't it obvious? I want to be a hero with you!"
'All I can do...'
He watched two memories simultaneously as the bodies of the ones he loves fall to the ground. His seen these so many times, too many times. He could perfectly recall every single detail. From the sounds of their last breaths, to the exact second they hit the ground.
He walked forward to where the bodies fell. The world around him seemingly paused in time as he moved. His expression was a mixture of desperation and misery, yet he somehow found the strength and the will to continue this hell. Each step was becoming harder to take, each breath he took was more labored, each tear that fell left more pain in his eyes but he pressed forward.
He reached his destination, a foot away from their resting place. He closed his eyes and grit his teeth tighter than he ever has before. Sobs came and his throat hurt from the lifetime of crying and screaming.
'All I can do is...live. Live with this pain because no matter what I do, I'll never be able to bring myself to forget...NOT AGAIN!'
"I DON'T WANT TO FORGET YOU TWO!" He screamed to the world. His voice broken and tired, but he still has to say some things.
"Mom, you were always there for me. I was always your first choice. You worried over me because unlike everybody else, you cared. Even when dad abandoned us, you sacrificed yourself and worked hard to provide for me. You prioritized me over yourself, and you didn't support my dream because you wanted to keep me safe, I get it now. You just wanted me to be happy."
He blinked some tears away and looked at his best friend laying in the snow.
"Zuki-chan...Thank you. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for telling me the things I wanted to hear, things I needed to hear. Thank you for showing me how beautiful this world can be. Thank you for healing my wounds. Thank you for...healing my heart."
"I've realized my mistake now."
He looked back to his mother's remains before speaking in a quieter tone.
"Mom, you gave me this life. You've done your best to give me a good life even though I never did anything to repay you nor will I ever get the chance to. You kept me alive because you loved me."
He turned his gaze back to his friend. His voice carried his pain with every word.
"And you, Zuki. You saved me. You saved me in more ways than I ever saved you. You sacrificed yourself to save my life that night."
He clenched his heart with his fists as tight as he could. He was sobbing uncontrollably now.
"This life...this life I live, the life I tried to take away, it... it no longer belongs to me. I don't have the right to take it."
"I couldn't protect my dream, I couldn't protect the only person who believed in me, I couldn't protect the ones I love, and I tried to take away the life they died for.
That...That is my sin."
He shut his eyes and clenched his throbbing heart even tighter. He dropped to his knees and poured everything out.
"That's why...I'll live. I'll live for the both of you. Because that's what I know you would want. I'll live so I can be a hero."
"I'll be the person who will remember you, to carry out your wills. That's all I can do..."
"I'll protect this world and the things that makes it beautiful and I'll become strong enough to protect myself."
"I'll live and make use of this life you've given me...to atone for the grave sin I've committed to myself...so that maybe...in the next life...I can see you again... I can be where you two are." He opened his eyes and let all the tears fall freely down the snow/floorboards. He sobbed as he felt a new emotion, one that wasn't negative, but he couldn't tell what it was, only that his heart felt lighter and the heavy weights on his shoulders finally vanished.
After a minute of sobbing, nothing happened. The world was still paused and he finally took notice of something he desperately tried to ignore. He looked up...to the imposing figure standing in front of him. It's large frame and intimidating aura no longer affected him and he could barely contain what he felt for it.
'Was it better to shed endless tears than to spill a monster's blood?'
"I...will defeat you." He said as boldly as he can to the unmoving figure of the being who robbed him of everything.
As he said this, the world unpaused and the monster vanished into pitch black smoke and soon, he too was engulfed into a deep darkness before it was all replaced by familiar walls. He was in a room, his room from his old apartment. The lights were shut off and he was facing the door. The only source of light was behind him.
He turned around and saw the computer illuminating and playing a video.
"Can you see that? He's already saved a hundred people! That's crazy! It hasn't even been ten minutes! That's crazy!"
He knows that video.
"He's laughing."
"It's fine now. Why? Because I am here!"
"He's such a cool hero..." He knew that voice.
The chair that was facing the computer slowly spun around and there he saw... himself, his young self.
"Can I... be a hero, too?" His little self asked, pointing to the screen, to All Might. His eyes were overflowing with unshed tears and his smile, if you could call it that, was desperate. Desperate for encouragement and for approval. He didn't know why this was happening but he didn't linger on that thought.
He doesn't know what compelled him to walk towards his younger self but he allowed it to control him. He stepped directly in front of his younger self and did something that felt familiar yet not at the same time, he gave himself a hug. He hugged his little self as tight as he could and acted on impulse.
"Of course. Of course you can! You—we—...I can be a hero! I will be a hero!" He said to...himself.
He said to himself the words he had always wanted to hear from those around him. Those words that his friend spoke to him because what was truly important was that he believed in himself, something he never truly felt.
"Why do you want to be a hero?" Her voice echoed in his head.
"A hero who can protect people, a hero who can protect this world and the things that makes it beautiful, a hero who can take care of himself... the hero born out of their sacrifices! That's—that's the hero I'll be. This time! This time for sure..."
"I'll make that dream into a reality."
He fell forward, still on his knees and was about to hit the solid ground when something pulled him upright and back on his knees slumping.
He opened his eyes groggily only for him to shut them immediately. They absolutely stung and his body hurt in several places especially his legs, face and throat.
"Izuku-kun, are you awake?" A voice asked with concern.
He attempted to open his eyes again slowly this time to not agitate them further. He was met with sight of his teacher and mentor, Merlin.
"Merlin-san, I-I did it...I did it!" His voice was hoarse and his mouth was dry. He leaned forward and placed his head on her shoulder where he sobbed freely soaking her shirt with his tears. But they weren't tears of sadness but rather ones of joy and...relief. Relief that his heart had been searching for lifetimes.
The woman stayed there slightly dazed at the predicament she was in. It wasn't unfamiliar to her nor was it unwelcomed only...unexpected. She wrapped her arms around the boy, one on his head and the other rubbing his back at an effort to comfort him.
"Yes. Yes, you did. Welcome back, Izuku."
They stayed like that for a few more seconds before Merlin finally looked down and found the boy fast asleep on her shoulder. She couldn't blame him though, he had just been through the most challenging thing his young life never even prepared him for.
She took one last glance at the sleeping boy and made a decision.
'Should I ask him if he still wants to become a demon?' She asked herself as she stared at his sleeping tear stained face. He looked absolutely terrible. He was sweaty, sore, and most likely dehydrated. But even then, the expression he had on his face was the most serene she had ever seen on him. A small smile crept its way to her lips at her student's achievement.
'No, he passed the trial. He went through hell and back for this power, he deserves it. There's nothing to worry about.'
She outstretched her open hand to the direction of the pool of glowing water and swung two fingers upwards. The water rippled and from it, a small glowing pink cube surfaced.
*Perfect Cube*
The swirling darkness it contained came to life and started colliding with the cube's wall, to the direction it's rightful wielder was.
It wasn't easy getting all of that in there and it looks like getting it all out is going to be a little troublesome. But it will be worth it.
~End of chapter~
Bonus- First Encounter
Tokyo, Japan
4 years ago...
"!"
"Merlin...do you feel that?"
"Yeah." She nodded her head.
"It looks like a demon just woke up, it's combat class is currently 47,000 and rising."
"We need to get there immediately before it could run on the loose. Have you pin pointed it's location yet?"
"Yes and it's close by, a few kilometers out from here. I'll teleport us there."
She snapped her fingers and immediately they were in a forest covered in heavy snow. Their target was close by and if the rumbling earth was anything to go by, it was already on a rampage. They wasted no time and Merlin created a floating platform they can stand on to avoid the small earthquake. They flew above the trees and toward a massive eruption of darkness. There was a massive roar that followed through and echoed out into the night.
"Shouldn't we have brought the others?"
"There's no time. It's already rampaging. I'll suppress it and you neutralize it with as much power as you can.
"There, I see it. It looks like something else happened here. A quarrel among kin?"
On the ground below was a relatively small demon. One with a human appearance, making it a high class. It knelt down into the snow in front of something else. Gowther summoned his sacred treasure, the Twin Bow Herrit, and took aim at the small figure.
"Magic Cancel"
She swiped her fingers downward and the eruption disappeared for a second before returning immediately but smaller than before.
"Double Blackout Arrow"
Two pink surges of energy shot from the bows and pierced the shield of darkness protecting the demon and destroying everything around it simultaneously. The "arrows" hit their mark and pierced through the demon's head and chest before fading away. The demon fell to the snow on its side. A massive ring shaped crater surrounded it.
*Perfect Cube*
A pink cube surrounded the area where the demon laid. Merlin and Gowther descended and tried to assess the situation. In front of the unconscious demon was another body, blood on the ground, and further from them was a dismembered lower region of another being also a demon.
"What happened here? A dead human girl, two demons, one dead and the other alive destroying everything with whatever magic he had."
"Only one way to find out now." Gowther summoned some magic to his finger tips making a small tail of pink energy appear from them. He then gestured to the demon inside the cube.
Merlin nodded and cancelled her magic and the barrier fell. Gowther approached it and turned the unconscious body so it laid on its back and he was shocked by what he saw. Aside from from it looking like a human child, it was because of the red symbol just below his left shoulder.
A red dragon with a serpentine body. One that symbolized Ouroboros. One that identified the sin of Wrath.
"Merlin. What is going on? How does this boy have the Dragon tattoo captain used to have?"
"I-I don't know."
With that answer, Gowther wasted no time and used his magic to find the answers.
"Name: Izuku Midoriya son of Inko and Hisashi Midoriya. Born human without any inherent magic..."
He continued on, reading the boy's mind like another one of his books until he reached the moment they were in.
"Merlin, that other demon attacked him and this girl and that awoken this power within him. But it doesn't explain why and how he has that tattoo, none of his memories do. What should we do?"
"Erase his memories of this day. Let him be a human again and when he's ready, we can train him properly. I need to have a little chat with someone who I think is responsible for this."
"The Captain? It makes sense. But are you sure about erasing his memories?" He asked slightly concerned.
"Yes. He's just a boy. He won't be able to comprehend what is going on and he is both physically and mentally unprepared to handle this power." She stated a matter-of-factly.
"So you're taking it away?"
"For safekeeping. Until we know what is going on."
"Very well."
Izuku sobbed uncontrollably in his mother's embrace.
"It's going to be okay Izuku, it's going to be okay. Things like this happen sometimes but it's going to be okay. Take all the time you need, mommy will always be here for you when you need me or not." She said in a miserable tone.
"Mom...why is the world so unfair?" He sobbed out.
"Why did it have to be her and her family in that earthquake?"
She didn't answer and only hugged him tighter. She was also close to tears at seeing her one and only child like this. She too can't help but feel a little bit...cheated especially with how life has been treating them, especially her son.
"I'm sorry, Izuku. I'm sorry..."
