Unexpected joy.
We have been in Egypt for over a month now and Every day has been magical.
I can still picture us sailing into Alexandria just as the sun had risen over the horizon it was so beautiful, the morning sun engulfed the city in beautiful golden incandescence.
John hired us a beautiful villa for the duration of our stay, it was situated by the Red Sea which glistened in the hot sun.
not that I spent much time in the villa.
Nearly every day John had something new for us to do, whether it is shopping, touring the pyramids, visiting the museum or the valley of kings or taking a day trip to Karnak or the Luxor temple, even riding camels through the desert.
An acquaintance of John was looking to start excavation in the valley of kings, John personally thought it was a waste of time and money.
His name was Howard Carter, he had invited us over of tea while we were in Egypt, he took us through all his findings and theory's, I will be the first time admit when he had first introduced his theory's I had been sceptical but looking at his evidence... I'm inclined to believe he's onto something.
Anyway, It was the 20th of December and 5 days before Christmas, 3 days ago I had posted all the gifts I had brought for everyone on my travels and currently I was spending the day in the villa.
John and Molly had gone on a tour of the Abu Simbel Temples, the three of us were meant to go together but I came down with the flu, so I opted to miss the outing.
Johns and Molly had offered to postpone the excursion but I refuted them.
Besides, it was nice to have some time to myself.
It allowed me to catch up with my letters.
Rose had been so excited and envious when I wrote to her about our journey to Egypt.
She wanted me to tell her about everything I saw and everything I did.
I explained as much as I could it only seems too excited her more, perhaps one day she could visit Egypt herself.
I have no doubt she would find it fascinating, it's everything that she loved.
During the exchange of our letters discovered we would be travelling to New York together on the titanic that delighted the both of us.
I missed my sister and to know that I would finally be reunited with rose who would be 17.
It still filled me with wonder to think about, my little sister would be turning 17 in a few months, she would be an adult.
It doesn't seem that long ago I would brush her hair for her and we would run through the hallways laughing while trying to avoid our nursemaid, Mrs Potts.
Rose would be travelling from Southampton with mother, Trudy and mural (mother's maid) and... rose's Fiancé.
Caledon Hockley.
That took me by surprise.
The reason behind it threw me into a bigger loop.
According to Rose our father had been in serious debt before he died.
He had been for a while now, and like a typical male mentality, he had decided not to tell us but let the dept get larger and larger until my mother and rose were at risk of losing the house.
That explains mother dismissal of a portion of the staff.
Despite our tumultuous relationship, I didn't want my mother to be on the street so had spoken with John who had agreed wholeheartedly to my request.
I wrote to mother with the news that John would be willing to pay off the loan but nothing would have prepared me for her response.
Dear marigold
I had strictly forbidden rose from exposing our money trouble's to you, she has been reprimanded for her actions.
While I appreciate your offer I will not be accepting any money from you.
I have already secured our survival with Mr Caledon Hockley, he shall marry rose in the summer of 1912 and once they are married he has agreed to support us.
Mr Hockley is the son of the very wealthy steel tycoon Nathan Hockley and will be a fine match for rose.
I ask that you do not offer such a thing again.
Rose tells me you and John shall be joining us on Titanic, I look forward to seeing you.
Sincerely,
Your mother.
John and I could not help but stare at the letter with matching astonishment.
Mother would rather have Rose forced into marriage with a man like Hockley than allow herself to swallow her pride and accept help from her oldest child.
I had met Nathan Hockley once and I had instantly disliked him.
The arrogance and narcissistic man had looked down on everyone as if he were better than them, if Caledon was anything like his father, I knew we would not get along.
I hoped for rose's sake that Caledon was the opposite of his father yet I feared that was not the case.
I've shaken from my thoughts my a cup of tea being placed in front of me.
"Thank you dotty."
Hopefully, this shall be able to settle my stomach, all day I have been suffering from stomach cramps they only seemed to get worse if I ate anything, for instance, this morning I had been suffering from bloating and when the breakfast of eggs and ham had been placed in front of me it had been to much for me to bear, I ended up spilling the contents of my stomach into the toilet.
John had wanted to call the doctor yet I talked him out of it.
We agreed that if I wasn't feeling better tonight John would call a doctor.
I tried to reassure John is was probably just a stomach bug get he would not relent.
Taking a sip of my tea I grab a pen and begin a letter to Rose.
Dearest Rose
I'm still in Egypt, however, we are set to depart in two weeks John wished for us the spend Christmas and New Years in Egypt but after that, we shall be travelling to France John is so excited to take me to...
Drowsiness fills my body, the pen falls from my hand onto the floor, I feel myself swaying, I'm so tired.
"Miss" I can just hear dotty.
I feel myself falling to the side.
"Miss!"
I collide into something warm and moving.
"Miss, can you hear me?"
Dotty?
"Someone ring the doctor, Victor find ways to get to John, Annie comes and help me move Miss Marigold to the bedroom, Hurry!"
There is a Commotion around me as everyone scrambled away.
The second pair of hands wrap themselves around me.
The two maids help lift me from my chair.
I can barely keep up straight, my legs feel like they shall give out from beneath me.
Thank goodness my bedroom was on the ground floor, god forbid trying to get me upstairs.
Just as we enter the bedroom I have a familiar feeling, I don't have time to react before I retch all over myself and the floor.
Unable to help it I let out a small cry.
"I'm sorry dotty."
Dotty just hushes me.
"Don't worry about that now Miss, let's just get you out of these clothes and into a bath, Annie starts running the water."
Dotty can undress me quickly and without fuss before transferring me to the hot water.
Between the two of us, we can wash away the last remnants of sick from my person.
Before I can succumb to the exhaustion dotty get me out of the bath and wraps a towel around me before moving me back to the bedroom and placing me on The bed.
It was a slight task but dotty was able to dry me and put me in my nightgown before resting me on the bed and making sure I was comfy.
"Where's John?" I croak out.
"I'm not sure ma'am, Victor had personally gone to find him, I have no doubt he will bring him back as quick as possible, just rest."
Taking her advice I let my eyes shut, next time they open they are greeted by a strange gentleman standing in my room.
This must be the doctor.
"Good afternoon Mrs Astor, I hear you are not feeling to Grand, shall have a look."
Dotty is quick to help me sit up.
"Well let's take a listen to your heart" the doctor placed the Stethoscope on my heart.
"Breath in"
"And out"
"Well, your heart seems to be fine."
"Can you tell me what's been happening?"
"Well I would say it started last week I began to feel slightly nauseated however it went away after a few minutes but this morning I work up feeling awful, I was sick and have been suffering from the most awful stomach cramps and then this afternoon I was In the middle of writing a letter to my sister when I experienced a wave of dizziness and fatigue and I was sick one more."
The doctor was paying attention to my every word.
"May I ask if you have been noticing any changes in your everyday habits or experiencing any more unusual symptoms."
"Well my chest had been more sensitive recently and I've noticed I've become slightly more bloated."
The doctor nodded.
"And what about your stool."
"I beg your pardon!"
"Have you been having issues with your stool?" The doctor elaborated.
"Well, I suppose I've become slightly constipated."
Before the doctor can ask another question, John comes rushing into the room, clearly out of breath his eyes land on me.
"Marigold! What happened? Victor told me you had collapsed."
He rushed to the side of the bed and grasped my hand placing kisses on the back of it.
"Good afternoon Mr Astor my name is Doctor green."
"What is wrong with my wife?"
"We are just discussing her symptoms, I think I have an idea but I would just like to ask a few more questions if I may? You might be able to answer them."
John nods in consent.
"Well then my next question might seem invasive but I must know if I am to diagnose your wife."
"If it helps my wife I shall answer to the best of my ability."
The doctor's face was apprehensive when he next opens his mouth.
"When was the last time you and Mrs Astor were intimate?"
John went red in the face.
"That's none of your business!" He barked
"Please, I need to know."
John looked at me, I nod my head for him to go ahead.
If it can make me better then fine.
"Last week," John said to the doctor.
John and I had a very good and active relationship in the bedroom.
The doctor opens and closed his mouth trying to word his next question correctly.
"When you finished...did you Finnish inside of Mrs Astor."
John by now was red as a tomato.
I'm no better.
That's personal!
"Please Mr Astor."
"No"
The doctor nodded.
"When was the last time you finished inside of Mrs Astor."
I try to rack my brain.
I think It was the evening of our second night on the Mauretania, John had felt uncomfortable Finishing on the sheets.
We've been in Egypt 6 weeks,
It took us 5 days to arrive in Egypt.
"I think it was around 7 weeks ago," I tell the doctor.
The doctor smiles at me.
"Well, I think I can confidently give you a diagnosis."
John is relieved.
"What is it?"
"Mrs Astor I would confidently diagnose you with morning sickness."
Morning sickness?
People only suffer from that if they are...
"I believe you are pregnant Mrs Astor, from what you told me and your symptoms I'd say around 7 weeks."
Pregnant.
I'm pregnant.
I have a tiny life growing inside of me.
Tears prick my eyes.
I never thought...
I mean yes I wanted children but John was in no need of an heir, he had two children already.
My heart fills with joy.
John and I are going to have a baby.
My hands come to rest on my still flat stomach.
My heart is already filled with love for the life inside of me.
"Pregnant" John breaths out in wonder.
"Yes." The doctor confirmed.
"My god."
John comes to sit next to me on the bed, his hands caress my stomach.
"Now I would recommend you take it easy until you are at least 12 weeks for you are at greater risk of miscarriage, I would also recommend you reduce your meat intake and instead consume more vegetables, Clothing should, of course, be warm but light, and should not be suspended from the waist, and there should be no pressure on any part of your body. Corsets must be dispensed with, as they cause harmful pressure on the heart and stomach. I recommend getting at least an hour of fresh air daily and you should avoid lifting the arms high above the head, lifting heavy weights, climbing stairs or standing for too long. Remember try to keep a stress free environment Avoid undue excitement, such as crowds or theatre-going."
John was taking in everything the doctor was saying, I on the other hand could not stop thinking about the child growing inside of me.
Will It be a son or a daughter?
Would he or she look like me or John or a mixture of the both of us?
Will I be a good mother?
John goes up to shake the doctor's hand.
"Thank you, doctor."
Once the doctor departs John returned it to my side placing a soft kiss on my head.
"I'm going to have your dinner brought up to you."
John brings me in for a kiss.
I'm once again left to my expectations of motherhood.
"Knock knock."
Standing at the door is Molly.
Molly has a smile on her face.
"J.J just told me the news, congratulations."
"I can scarcely believe it, I'm still waiting for it to all be a misunderstanding."
Molly laughed.
"I remember when I was pregnant with my eldest Lawrence, I was in denial for most of my first trimester, I don't think it truly struck me until I was being told to push." Molly laughed.
Dotty was quick to return with some soup.
"This should help settle your stomach ma'am."
"That is my cue to leave."
I gently began to eat my Soup lost in thought about my future child.
My life certainly changed from that moment.
The following weeks and been some of the most stress-free and yet annoying.
Rose was ecstatic at the news, I had even received a letter from William expressing his delight at the thought of a new sibling.
Mother had yet to say anything.
However, I had little time to think about her If I had thought John was doting before it was nothing compared to now.
It would seem John had taken the doctors advice to heart, he had extended our stay in Egypt for another 7 weeks until I was at 13 weeks.
I was only allowed to eat meat twice a week the rest of my meals were vegetables, John made sure I didn't have to lift a finger, he took me out for a stroll every day making sure I got the fresh air of course we had to sit down every 10 minutes as his insistence.
He had hidden my corsets which I didn't mind, but I would never tell him that.
Every night before we went to sleep he would say Goodnight to my stomach and when we slept a hand was always placed on my stomach.
My stomach now had a small bump, not that noticeable over my dress but still there.
Proof of the life growing inside of me.
Finally, John had decided it was okay for us to travel again, though he had hired a nurse to accompany us, her name was Caroline Enders.
We hopped on a ferry from Alexandria to France.
Thankfully it was smooth sailing for everyone.
We arrived in France safe and well and after a short drive we arrived in Paris.
Since it was the night the streets were mostly deserted except for the occasional passerby, the Eiffel Tower shone in the distance illuminated by the lamps and the city lights of Paris.
Instead of renting a townhouse or villa an associate of John was willing to let us stay in his Apartment.
Well, the apartment didn't do this building justice 4 floors with 10 bedrooms, a saloon, dining room, parlour and office not to mention the stunning view of the tower right outside our window.
I could happily spend the next 3 months here.
