Get on the boat

1:45 am

"Well I won't wear one, it will only slow me down impeding my stroak."

"Right you are Mr McCauley, it is 700 miles to shore so you wouldn't want anything to impede your stroak," John speaks sarcastically to the gym instructor.

John is escorting me out of the gymnasium, FINALLY, he thinks it's a good enough time to get in the boats.

Now that a good portion of them are gone.

If everyone had just listened to me, we would all be on lifeboats by now.

The boat deck is filled with pandaemonium.

Wife's hugging onto their husbands crying.

Fathers hugging children.

Then it hit me as a hit poker had just been rammed into my heart.

Oh my god!

John!

The shock halted me.

Why didn't I think of it before!

"Marigold we must hurry!"

"John... it's only women and children."

Tears prick my eyes.

No!

John closed his eyes, his expression is in pain.

He opens his eyes and caresses my face.

"Let's get you to a boat."

"John?"

He doesn't answer me.

Fear clutches my heart and won't realise it.

We find a boat on the port side.

A crewman is getting woman and children into the boat. He keeps his pistol in his hand at this point.

Good god.

Twenty feet below the sea is pouring into the doors and windows of B deck staterooms.

Our rooms by now are underwater.

All our belongings, our memories of our travels.

I can hear the roar of water cascading into the ship.

This ship is going to sink.

It's like the sheets have been pulled from my eyes and reality seemed it of hit me at once.

Nausea builds in my throat.

"Women and children, please. Women and

children only. Step back, sir."

"Come along Marigold, let's get you in."

John with his arm wrapped around me is shoving people aside trying to get me to the front.

We pass a red-headed woman in a light slip of purple and pink! Of all things.

Wait!

I grasp the woman's arm.

"Rose!"

"Marigold!"

I hug her close to me.

What is she doing here?

"Why aren't you on a boat with Mother! They told me they saw you lined up, look at you, your freezing, where's your coat!? why are you so damp?"

Rose is practically ice.

"It's a long story and we don't have time right now."

Two familiar arms are wrapped around Rose's waist.

Well, I think I know the reason.

Jacks and I exchange smiles.

My smile quickly slips off my face.

Next to me, a woman with two young daughter looks into the eyes of a Husband

"Goodbye for a little while... only for

a little while."

He looks at his two little girls

"Go with mummy."

The woman stumbles to the boat with the children, hiding her tears from them.

Beneath the false good cheer, the man is choked with emotion.

"Hold mummy's hand and be a good

girl. That's right."

The sight is simply heartbreaking.

Tears prick my eyes obscuring my vision.

Some of the women are stoic, others are overwhelmed by emotion and have to be helped into the boats.

A man is writing a note before looking at me.

"Um... excuse me, would you please give this to my wife in DesMoines, Iowa I've written the address on the back."

He placed the piece of paper in my hand.

I pocket it.

"I will."

The man nods relief clear as day.

"Miss you next." The crewman gestures to me.

I make one last-ditch attempt.

Screw johns pride.

"Sir, can my husband accompany me, I'm in very delicate condition." I plead to the crewman.

"Marigold what are you doing?"

I grasp my husband's hands and hold on tight.

"I'm not leaving you behind."

The crewman studies the two of us, his facade breaks, my heart fills with hope perhaps there's a chance.

"I'm truly sorry miss, but woman and children only."

I knew it was a small shot, but still those words feel like knives stabbing me in my heart.

Unable to told it together tears drip down my face.

"Sh sh sh." John hushed me placing kisses on my face.

"Please, John I...I..."

I'm inconsolable.

"We were supposed to spend the rest of our lives together, John you promised!"

"Get on the boat marigold." He orders me.

Tears well up in his eyes As well.

John is a man of steel, I've never seen him shed a tear before.

"Not without you, I need you, I love you," I beg.

John strokes my face tenderly.

Despite his turmoil, his eyes hold only love.

"And I love you, which is why you have to get in the boat."

"What am I going to do without you?" I grasp at his arms.

Desperate to hold onto him.

Desperate to whisk us away.

Desperate to keep us safe and together.

"Don't give up on me so easily marigold, I'm a survivor." John try's to say strongly.

"But.."

"If I don't."

John's voice hitches.

"Well I've already made plans for you and our child, I had them put in place after we married, you both will be well cared for and will want for nothing."

He can't be serious!

"I don't care about the money! I just want you!" My composure has been forgotten.

It's not like anyone's going to judge me.

"I'll always be with you, you'll have a part of me with you." John places his hand on my stomach.

"Miss please get on the boat."

"Go!"

The crewman guides me into the lifeboat amongst the crying woman and children.

John calls out the crewman.

"Sir what is the number of this boat?"

"Lifeboat number 2."

John nods.

"See now I'll know where to find you afterwards."

"Here."

He takes off his gloves and throws them at me.

I take a hand out of my muff to grasp them.

"Look after Those marigolds, they are my favourite pair, they shall keep your hands warm, but I want them back next time we see each other."

I hold the gloves close to me.

Jack is trying to convince Rose to get in the boat.

Just then to my horror cal walks up.

What is he doing here?

I thought he'd be one of the first on a lifeboat.

"Yes. Get in the boat, Rose."

She is shocked to see him. She steps to Jack.

I guess that mean's the engagement is off.

Cal stares at her.

"My God, look at you."

He takes off his coat.

"Here, put this on."

She numbly shrugs into it.

"Quickly, ladies. Step into the boat. Hurry, please!"

"Rose please get in the boat." I patted a spot next to me.

"Go on. I'll get the next one." Jack tries to reassure Rose.

"No. Not without you!"

She doesn't even care that Cal is standing right there.

Rose, please... I can't lose you as well.

Cal leans close to John, rose and Jack.

"There are boats on the other side

that are allowing men in. John, jack and I can get off safely, All of us."

I may not like cal, but if he can save jack and John then just this once I'll side with cal.

I can only hold onto hope that cal is telling the truth.

"See nothing to worry about, please Rose get in the boat," I beg her.

jack smiles reassuringly.

"I'll be alright. Hurry up so we can get going... we got our boat to catch."

Cal prods

"Get in... hurry up, it's almost full."

The crewman grabs her arm and pulls her toward the boat. She reaches out for Jack and her fingers brush him for a moment. Then she finds herself stepping down into the boat.

I pull her to sit next to me, I wrap my arms around her and pull her to my side, resting my head on her's.

"He might be a pig, but we both know cal most definitely had an agreement in place, and cal will take John with him on principle, and Jack well we both know he's very charming." I don't even believe myself.

But I have to hope.

If I don't hold onto Something, I fear the grief will overpower me.

"Lower away!"

The boat begins to descend.

I hold Johns gloves to my chest, we keep our gaze and the boat lowers, john is smiling at me however his eyes give him away.

The rockets light up the sky but I only have eyes for John.

All of a sudden there is a flash of red and rose is Hurling herself out of the boat to the rail of the A-Deck promenade, catching it, and scrambling over the rail.

"Rose!" I scream.

My composure breaks I try to grab her but it's too late.

"Rose! Come back! Come back!" I scream at the top of my lungs.

With tears streaming down my face I look up at the gentlemen.

John and cal looked shocked as if they could scarcely believe what they just witnessed, jack is gone.

I sob as we pull away.

Away from John and rose.

The two people I love most in this world ripped from me, one by choice the other by his gender.

My chest feels like it's constricted air, I gasp for breath.

I can't breathe.

A soft hand is placed in mine.

It's the woman with the two little girls.

She moves next to me.

"You must think about your little one, breath with me."

I could only stare at this woman in awe.

She had pushed aside her pain to help me.

We breathe in and out together.

My heart begins to slow, air starts entering my lungs again.

This strange woman who did not need to show me such kindness rested my head on her shoulder.

"My names Joan by the way."

"Marigold."

A tiny hand was placed in mine.

I look down it was one of the girls.

"These are my daughters Pearl and Anna."

I give both girls a watery smile.

"It's lovely to meet you."

We row towards the other lifeboats waiting nearby.

And just watch.

What else could we do?

No one spoke.

The ships angle in the water began to increase rapidly, even from this distance the helpless screams of those poor souls still trapped on board were like pins being stuck in my ears.

The stern was rising high into the air as the ship tilted down in the water.

I could no longer deny it they were both dead or were going to die.

The pain was suffocating.

Explosions could be heard coming from the ship Its stern is high in the air and is angled up over what I would say was forty-five degrees. The propellers are out of the water.

the ship's lights flickered once and then permanently went out, plunging the Titanic into darkness.

Titanic becomes a vast black silhouette against the stars.

All that could be seen now was a hulking mass projecting from the ocean and the ripples of waves as Those in the water splashed about.

The image is shocking, unbelievable, unthinkable. I can only stare at the horror before my eyes, unable to frame it or put it into any proportion.

You could avert your eyes, but you can't block out the sounds of dying people and machinery.

Silent tears drip down my face, my heart is swamped in grief.

There was cracking before the ship quite literally rips apart.

The part of the ship, sticking up, falls back toward the water.

I can only watch as those in the water desperately swim in vain to escape being crushed.

It angles up again.

The stern goes up and up, past 45 degrees, then past sixty until the stern is now straight up in the air.

My god.

All those people.

Every single scream Pierces my heart.

The final relentless plunge begins as the titanic plunged.

Where the ship stood, now there is the ocean.

Then.

Screams

Hundreds of them.

The poor people in the water crying out for help.

Cry out for the lifeboats.

Before we can even say anything our crewman spoke up.

"If we go back, they shall swarm the boat and we all shall die."

wailing, screaming and moaning... a chorus of tormented souls. And beyond that... nothing but black water stretching to the horizon. The sense of isolation and hopelessness is overwhelming.

Nausea bubble up, leaning over the boat I spew into the sea.

Several scrunches up their nose at the acid smell.

"I'm sorry."

Joan rubs my back.

People are still screaming, calling to the lifeboats.

The two little girls use their hand to cover their ears against the wailing in the darkness.

After a while, the screams become less and less most giving up and succumbing to their fate.

Both girls are cuddled up to me, my fur shawl barely wrapped around the three of us.

Anna and Pearl are using my muff to keep their hands warm, their hands are small enough to each have aside, I on the other hand have John's gloves on, they are still warm from his hand and still hold his scent.

I bring them to my face, if I close my eyes I can almost pretend he is sat next to me.

Holding me to his chest, the sound of his heart thumping underneath my ear.

I don't want it to think about him or Rose right now, because I don't know how I'll ever stop crying, that Heart-wrenching Grief will be saved for another time.

The hour's pass.

The cold no longer Affects.

I'm completely numb.

My lips are blue, my face ashen white, my body hunched over and I'm fully dressed in a warm dress that covered my body, a fur shawl and gloves there are some on my boat that doesn't even have the luxury of a coat.

The dawn is rising over the horizon yet no one cares.

Then just when all hope is lost, cheers and yells can be heard.

Golden light washes across the white boats, which gloat in a calm sea reflecting the rosy sky.

All around us, like a flotilla of sailing ships, are icebergs.

The Carpathia sits nearby, as boats row toward her.

Joan hugs her girls before hugging me.