Chapter 29:
A month had passed since the 4th prince and the 14th prince left. A month had passed since Hae Soo became an apprentice. Her weekdays are spent inside the Damiwon, getting better with her courtly manners class. She and Soon Deok found that if they make mistakes during their etiquette class in the morning, they would be punished with kneeling inside the sanggun's office for an hour, missing their sewing and embroidery class in the afternoon. Ha Jin and Soon Deok make sure they make enough mistakes during their etiquette class so they would miss their next class.
Today, the three of them are at the back of the Damiwon learning the different kinds of herbs and how to concoct basic medicine for certain kinds of ailments. Hae Soo and Soon Deok have no problems identifying the herbs since Ha Jin work with them on her lab in present times and Soon Deok was trained to identify edible plants while living in her father's camp. Woo Hee for her part, works diligently as always so she isn't behind.
A few small clay pots are arranged in a line in an open space while a low table full of small boxes with dried herbs is at their sides. Two large jars full of water are stationed on the side of the table. Woo Hee is hanging ssuk (1) in the clothesline to dry. Hae Soo is separating ginger, ginseng and mandrake on the boxes and Soon Deok is looking after the pots they are brewing.
Lady Oh stands not far from her apprentices, watching the three. Two 2nd ranking gungnyeo(s) stand in wait behind her back.
The seja visits today with Ji Mong in tow, checking how the three apprentices are doing so far. He had heard, the incident with Soon Deok hanging about in the barracks of the soldiers and had to apologize in behalf of Soon Deok's father. Mu had volunteered to Gen. Park to look after Soon Deok in exchange for Gen. Park taking good care of So and Jung while under him.
"Forgive our young ladies for causing you headaches these past few weeks, I'm sure they are all learning well." Mu stands on Lady Oh's right, smiling as he watch the three ladies with fondness.
"Yie wangsejanim," Lady Oh smiles politely, not taking her eyes off from her apprentices, "It seems we found something that the three of them is good at. I'll remember to give more time in their medicine class."
"Yie, I think medicine suites them well." Mu smiles.
Hae Soo stands up and checks with Soon Deok the pots they are brewing. The two opens a few lids, unmindful of the sleeves of their hanbok or the long flowing green chima they are wearing. As Soon Deok straightens her back and turns to go to the next pot, her chima catches with the open crackling fire of the pot on the ground, causing licks of fire gnawing at the hem of her chima.
Ha Jin's smells it before seeing the fire.
"Soon Deok-ah!" Ha Jin calls Soon Deok's attention as she notices the hem of her chima burning, "Your skirt is burning!"
"Eh?"
Soon Deok looks at the end of her chima, holding it out and tracing the puffs of smoke trailing at her side. She jumps on her feet, her mouth forming a big surprise. She fans her skirt as she reigns her panic. Ha Jin quickly runs to the jars to get some water but the only available container is the small clay pots and soup ladle around. She takes the pot and scoops some water. Woo Hee abandoned hanging herbs and runs to Soon Deok to help her out. She grabbed on Soon Deok to still her and stomps on the hems of her chima, succeeding in containing the fire gnawing in it. Ha Jin reaches them and pours the water directly on Soon Deok's chima, putting out the fire completely. Now, Woo Hee and Soon Deok are wet. The three of them sighs a relief as all of them settles down. They look-up to see Lady Oh sporting a tomato red blush, closing her eyes and taking a deep breathe. Her left eyebrow twitches as she holds her self from screaming at them, embarrassed by their carelessness.
In the beginning, Mu and Ji Mong were watching worried, wondering if they should help but as the three apprentices put everything under their control, the hilarity of the situation settles upon them and they can't help but laugh, finding the three ladies amusing.
"Again, let me apologize Lady Oh, I'm sure the three ladies didn't mean to lose their composure. It's a fire after all." Mu tries to keep the three from being punished but seeing as the sanggun doesn't find it funny, he can only grimace at the three ladies who are now gazing at the ground, waiting to be scolded again.
Come evening, Ha Jin walks around the Damiwon after their dinner. She had taken the responsibility of dousing the lights around the garden, so she could have some time to herself. She sometimes hangs around the main gate, waiting for no one in particular. She misses being able to leave anytime, sleep anytime or see anyone anytime. The rules of the Damiwon are starting to feel like shackles around her, she wishes the apprenticeship would go fast.
Tonight, she stands by the main gate, her head leaning to the post, her lantern beside her foot. She counts the palace guards that pass by. Not far, a familiar silhouette walks towards her, recognizing Baek-Ah when he passes by a lantern.
"Hae Soo-ya!" Baek-Ah calls, raising his hand for a high five.
Ha Jin returns the high five, happy to see a friend, "Wen-il-i u-syeoss-eo-yo? (What brings you here?)"
"Do I need a reason to see you?" Baek-Ah copies the same line Hae Soo once used on him.
Ha Jin chuckles remembering her line, "Why aren't you drunk tonight?"
The smile on Baek-Ah's face instantly disappears, replaced by that grimace he had come to wear lately, "Dwaesso, (forget it,) I'll leave if you don't want me here."
"Mianhaeyo, I was only joking." Ha Jin tries to salvage the situation, holding on to Baek-Ah's arm.
Baek-Ah knows she only means well. He's just too sensitive these days so her jokes feel off to him. He raises the hand Hae Soo is holding and holds her wrist, dragging her with him. He can't take Hae Soo out of the Damiwon so he takes her to the garden behind the apprentices' quarters instead, to the tree they have come to hang-out these past few nights. They sit by the roots, their backs to the trunk of the tree. Baek-Ah takes out a bottle of Yagyongju and opens it, taking a swig.
Seeing the bottle, Ha Jin laughs, "Is this how we're doing this now? Heol! Don't temp me, this is going to be a month of punishment if Lady Oh finds out about it."
"Ara!" Baek-Ah puts down the bottle, "Who says I'm letting you drink. I'll drink. You sit."
"Yaish! Jinjja? You're unbelievable Baek-Ah!" Ha Jin sighs a sarcastic relief but settles for listening to Baek-Ah anyway.
"Were you waiting for someone? You seem to be always at the main gate every night?" Baek-Ah asks, clutching the bottle beside him.
"Kuenyang... have you sent my letter? Have they received it?" Ha Jin rests her head on top of her knees looking at Baek-Ah.
Baek-Ah nods, "Ne, my messenger is back already."
"And?" Ha Jin asks, "They didn't wrote me back?"
Baek-Ah catches Hae Soo's gaze, "Have you finally remembered anything from your life before your drowning?"
When Hae Soo handed Baek-Ah the unsealed letters, he was tempted to open the letter under the excuse that since the envelops are identical, the messenger might get confused as to whom will the letters be handed to. To make sure what letters goes to whom, he takes out one of it to read and found Jung's name at the beginning of the letter. The letter is short, an exchange of information between friends. He folds it and returns the letter inside, writing Jung's name outside the envelope and sealing it with his own wax seal. As he takes the second letter out of it's envelope, he thinks twice. His 4th brother values his privacy too much. He won't appreciate it if he finds his letter read by someone else but with his curiosity getting the best out of him, he opens the letter and finds the poem.
He too knows it.
Jung and him had stayed in the northern borders last year and have learned of the popular folklore of the story behind the lantern festival they celebrate during autumn. The folklore is closely associated with the poem, since it tells of a man's longing for his hometown under the bright moonlight. Jung had once drunkenly joke about sending it to Hae Soo and changing the word 'hometown' to 'beloved', slipping into a mistake of expressing directly his feelings for Hae Soo. Baek-Ah doesn't know if Jung had ever sent the letter but the poem in Hae Soo's letter definitely contains the word 'beau' instead of 'hometown'.
"A-jik-do gi-eok i anh-a. Wae? (I still don't remember. Why?)" Ha Jin automatically answers looking sincere and puzzled.
Baek-Ah looks at Hae Soo, observing that she's telling the truth but then Baek-ah wonders, how did Hae Soo come to find the poem, even re-wrote the words. Now Baek-Ah is confused, was the letter a confession from Hae Soo. He can't directly ask that since it would mean he read the letter when he isn't supposed to.
"Can you be honest with me then?" Baek-Ah settles for a different question instead, one too direct to clear his confusion, "Whose letter are you waiting for?"
Ha Jin looks away, her heart spiking out of nervousness. She tries to downplay it, "Of course I'm waiting from the two people I wrote to."
Baek-Ah suddenly grabs Hae Soo's arm, prompting her of the seriousness of the situation. "Do you like my 4th brother?"
Ha Jin looks back at Baek-Ah, surprised. She can feel Baek-Ah's grasp tightening around her arm.
"Then what about Jung?!" For a moment, Baek-Ah forgets to keep his voice low, anger and accusation dripping in his words. He pulls at Hae Soo's arm, wanting her to understand the severity of the situation. "You can't! we're brothers, they're brothers. Full brothers Hae Soo! FULL! Do you even remember why Jung left last year. Do you even know why he left again?
"I don't know!" Ha Jin matches Baek-Ah's voice, angry, annoyed and confused. She pulls at her arm, freeing it from Baek-Ah. Every word of Baek-Ah is a stab of guilt to Ha Jin.
"I don't know…" Ha Jin trembles, holding everything in. Her voice becoming lower as a well of tears threatens to spring in her eyes, "…I don't remember…"
I am not Hae Soo…
Ha Jin lowers her forehead on top of her knees, hugging her legs in front of her. Her mahogany hair slides around her face, a curtain to hide behind.
"I don't know… I don't remember…" Ha Jin repeats, her quivering voice getting muffled by her silk chima, "I know it's not an excuse but what do you want me to do? Did you think I wanted to hurt Jung? I tried to create distance between us. I even ended it cleanly and clearly but yes it's my fault …"
…I always let him back because I feel guilty towards him and Hae Soo... because they would have been together if I didn't stole this life of hers.
Seeing Hae Soo falling into pieces, trembling from the effort of being honest and taking responsibility for it sobers Baek-Ah from his anger. It's his first time to hear that Hae Soo had ended their relationship. He had ask Jung once but Jung only dismissed it as a joke,
"When did you ended it? Is it when we were going up the mountain of Mt. Songak? In the stream, isn't it?"
Baek-Ah reclines his head back to the tree trunk, raising his hand to stroke Hae Soo's back, "Mianhae, I was out of line. I didn't mean to shout."
He takes the bottle to his lips, drinking a mouthful to calm his self down. He winces after, grimacing from the strong liquor. He guesses, his heart is not the only one that needs nursing when his 14th brother comes back. He continues to stroke Hae Soo's back, putting his arms around her to console her, "Mianhae Hae Soo-ya, jinjja mianhae."
He parts Hae Soo's curtain of hair and Ha Jin pushes him away. She raises her head and grabs the bottle out of Baek-Ah's hand. She takes a long swig, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand after. She dries her face with the sleeves of her hanbok and brushed her hair out of her face. She puts herself in order and rests her back at the trunk of the tree, mirroring Baek-Ah's position. They look at each other, recognizing each other's baggage. They both laugh at the absurdity of their situation.
"So why did Jung left? I ask him before but he only said it's an official royal mandate?" Ha Jin speaks seriously, acting like her real age at present times.
Baek-Ah looks at Ha Jin, on the fence if he should be the one to disclose it to Hae soo, "He left because he wanted to rise in the rankings of the military so he could gain the freedom to marry you. His mother, the queen, will not allow him to marry you as his first wife. Are you alright with being the second wife?"
"I don't want to be married to a man who has a lot of wives." Ha Jin answers with the sensibility of 21st century girl, "When I get married, I want to be the only wife. I don't mind if my husband is not a prince or isn't as well off as my cousin's household. I want to be the only one and of my choice."
Baek-Ah chuckles, "The only wife. Jung can afford you that but your choice of the matter? That's going to be hard, even with your Myung Hee unnie. I'm sorry Hae Soo but I think you need to understand that marriage for us, royal families and you, nobles are not a matter of our choice. Our marriages are not so much as about love but strategic and political."
The bitterness in Baek-Ah's voice is too substantial.
"Baek-Ah-ya, is Myung Hee unnie, your first love?" Ha Jin asks, wanting to confirm history.
Again with the bitter laugh on Baek-Ah's part. He nods but doesn't answer.
Eh? Then who committed suicide?
Ha Jin inclines her head, back to being puzzled.
"So tell me honestly, are you and my 4th brother…" Baek-Ah doesn't know what to ask.
"Aniyo." Ha Jin answers too fast, her guard is up.
"Then do you like my 4th brother?" Baek-Ah glances at Hae Soo, setting the confusion for once.
"Chal molla. (I don't know.)" Ha Jin answers truthfully. "The 4th prince confuses me."
Ha Jin wants to be sure that what she feels for So is really hers and not Hae Soo's. Her decision to withhold judgment in So's character at the beginning is influenced by these flashes of memories of Hae Soo and So. It made her look forward to meeting the unmasked So who looks at Hae Soo with tenderness.
"Baek-Ah, have you ever longed for someone you've never met?" Ha Jin asks.
Baek-Ah is afraid to hear Hae Soo's next sentence.
"Because your 4th brother feels that way to me. He feels so familiar, like I've met him already even though I haven't. I keep waiting for that person I've met to show up." Ha Jin looks far ahead of the garden, remembering the warmness of each memory she had seen, "I know I don't make sense. That's why I keep saying I don't know."
"Stop being like that. You need to be sure of what you want. You can't be wavering between the two of them."
It's not that Ha Jin is going back and forth between the two brothers. It was Hae Soo who was with Jung. It is her who chooses to be with So but that would be hard to explain.
Baek-Ah touches Hae Soo's face to make her look at him. It is important that Hae Soo understands the gravity of having princes as her suitors, "My brothers are holders of power in the court Hae Soo-ya. They are not just mere people you meet on the street. They affect the way this country is run. If my brothers chose to fight over you, it is not going to be just among yourselves, they will divide the court and this country."
"Eiii…" Ha Jin pushes Baek-Ah's hand away, nervous. Her safe bubble of dream bursts as Baek-Ah pulls her down to reality. "You're scaring me."
But Baek-Ah stills her in place, "You should be. Please listen to me Hae Soo-ya."
"Araseo." Ha Jin answers looking down. "If your brother can work to get the freedom to choose who to marry then why can't I do the same?"
"Hae Soo!" Baek-Ah exclaims, trying to get his message across.
"I hope you get to choose but I doubt your choice will matter in the end. So please be careful. Stop letting people in, stop being nice. You can no longer afford to give away your affection easily." Baek-Ah warns, the distress consuming him. He suspects it's too late for them now.
By last week of Spring, Myung Hee enters her second month of pregnancy. If her 6th week morning sickness is enough to confine her in bed, by her 8th week her stomach refuses any food she intakes, even the liquids. What little color she had regained is totally non-existent now. Her head is always spinning, her stomach always heaving. Although she lies and sleeps all day, she still feels tired every time she opens her eyes. Then, she gets all kinds of visitors from the queen dowager to the seja and his astronomer-advisor, to the lady consort. It's making Wook more anxious. He can understand the seja's concern but hearing the queen dowager and even the lady consort visiting, that worries him a lot.
Wook had made a physician reside in their household, his worry for Myung Hee is killing him, and Hae Soo's presence is not helping either. He tries to steer clear of her when she's home, finding all kinds of faults in her so he could ground her to her quarters but Myung Hee always asks for her whenever she comes home.
Tonight as he enters his wife's room, he's engulf with that citrusy scent Hae Soo uses these days. The only scent Myung Hee can stand. Hae Soo had made an aroma oil out of the herbs Wook had gifted her to use as perfume inside Myung Hee's room. It smells lemon and peppermint now, not too strong, just enough to lift the ailing atmosphere around Myung Hee.
Ha Jin is eyeing Myung Hee's hand that she is holding, thinking of IV fluid and dextrose. If she has access with IV fluids, it would do wonders in Myung Hee's condition. With her chemistry degree in college and plenty of experience waking-up in a hospital dehydrated after a night of drinking session made her familiar with the solution of IV fluid. She can mix the solution just fine, the problem lies with how to feed it to Myung Hee intravenously. Where would she find a hypodermic needle, a tube to connect it to and a pressure bag to store the fluids. Now Ha Jin appreciates how convenient her life was in the 21st century.
Wook closes the door gently, thinking of coming back later when Hae Soo is no longer in the room but Myung Hee had seen him and had ask for Hae Soo to call after him. Ha Jin stands up, exiting the room and coming after the 8th prince. She was going to smile at him all brightly but remembers her courtly manners the moment Wook turns and look at her with annoyance. She purses her lips, forgetting her smile.
"Wangjanim, Myung Hee unnie would like to speak to you. If you could spare her a minute." Ha Jin asks formally, "I'll be in my quarters if my presence is inconveniencing you."
She walks away, not waiting for Wook's answer. She doesn't know why she is being treated coldly by the 8th prince lately but it's starting to annoy her. One of these days, she would like to talk to him and set things straight.
Wook comes back to Myung Hee's quarter, entering by the door and being engulf by the scent again. He sits on his usual side and Myung Hee opens her eyes when the side of her bed shifts.
"It would be Hae Soo's birthday tomorrow," Myung Hee reminds Wook, "I don't think she remembers but will you do me a favor?"
Wook remembers, he just didn't want to pay attention to it.
"In my cabinet, there's a small box wrapped in a white silk cloth. Can you give it to Hae Soo?" Myung hee asks,
Even though she's sick and had been confined in her bed for some time now, the worsening relationship between Wook and Hae Soo did not escape her notice. She thinks the 8th prince' worry for her is straining his relationship to everyone around him and it's starting to make her anxious too. She hopes that by making Wook give her gift to Hae Soo, their strained relationship will somehow be mended.
"I'm sorry if I am making you worry but please don't take it out on Hae Soo. It's only been a month since she entered her apprenticeship and she's learning quite well. If we give her some more time, I'm sure her manners will improved."
Myung Hee's hand find its way on Wook, squeezing it weakly.
Wook's smiles but it came off more as a grimace. If it was up to him, he'll send Hae Soo back to the north so he doesn't have to look at her and be reminded that he can't have her.
"Geok-jeong hajima Myung Hee-ya, I'll ask for Hae Soo to come here tomorrow so you could be the one to give her your gift. I'm sure she'll appreciate it more." Wook doesn't want to commit. He's trying to leave Hae Soo alone and Myung Hee is making it all the more harder for him.
Myung Hee can see something is straining Wook, "Is there something wrong wangjanim?"
"Eopseubnida."
Wook takes Myung Hee in his arms, bringing a surprise gasp in Myung Hee's lips. He moves her gently to the other side of the bed and lies down on his side beside her. He makes a pillow out of his arm for Myung Hee's head while his other hand, leads Myung Hee's head to his chest, planting a soft kiss on her hair,
"Sleep Myung Hee-ya."
He holds Myung Hee in his arms, willing his heart to beat for his wife.
It was summer and So was younger. He was traversing the path to his recluse, to the middle of the forest where his lake lies. The wild Mokrans are in full bloom, enveloping the whole place with its lemony citrus scent. The nocturnal animals active and the insects singing their nightly croon. His path leads him to the trees opening to the serene lake. As he steps into the middle of the trees, he sees her arriving by the lake, alone and looking excited. It's Hae Soo.
She walks with anticipation, her laughter ringing in the air. She reaches the lake and test its temperature with her hand, finding the water cold but not icy, just enough to be enjoyed on a spring night.
She takes off pieces of her clothes, untying her loosely tied belt, sliding her creamy white jeogori and purple chima over her thin white sokgot. She removes her white goonghye (shoes for royalties) and tosses her beoseon (socks) in the ground without a care. He looks away, embarrassed to be peeking at her almost nude form. His heart hammers hard in his chest, his ears being filled with her pure laughter, drawing him to look.
She hurries to the water, the cold instantly enlivening her tired legs. She shudders for a second and goes deeper into it, splashing water in her face and getting her sokgot completely wet. It clings and flows around her, swaying with the gentle water she plays with. She luxuriously floats in the middle of the lake, watching the moon.
Wait.
Hae Soo is in his lake? She shouldn't be in his lake but it's not his lake and it's no longer summer and it's not Hae Soo. He looks around and finds himself in the middle of different trees, his clothes bloodied and the pain in his stomach, a sword wound from a fight. He sways, holding on to a tree trunk.
Soon she completely plunges herself under water, her feet reaching for the ground but she won't be able to. Suddenly the whole water seemed unfamiliar, deeper, darker, colder, piercing her skin like a thousand knives. Hae Soo is not in the moonlake anymore. Nearby, a gash of strong water can be heard and the once serene lake is transformed into a pool where a water falls straight from a cliff. She waddles, struggling to reach the surface, her lungs straining from the effort of holding out for oxygen. So breaks into the water, swimming towards her. As Hae Soo's lungs give way from lack of oxygen her consciousness slowly slips away.
So reaches her, pulling her to him and cupping her face. Without hesitation his mouth was on hers, opening it to share oxygen. If they were both cold moments ago, now the warmth in her lips slowly spreads in their body down to the tips of their fingers and toes. Her arms automatically encircles in his neck, anchoring herself to him. So pushes their selves up and out they break into the water.
They are back in the serene moon lake and it isn't Hae Soo and him anymore. It's a different girl, a different prince and another person, his uncle, standing beside them, agony written all over his face.
She lies on his arms, her blood pooling around them. She no longer feels the pain of the sword wound, her body going into a state of shock. She only has minutes now, no maybe seconds before she leaves this world and then she hears his promise, one last time. He will find her in every lifetime and she answers, her heart will always be waiting.
So Come home. Come home to her.
So wakes-up in his tent, drenched in a cold sweat. His arms open to a missing body that he should be holding. He panics, automatically looking for the girl but he finds his self in his cot, alone realizing it was just a dream. His heart squeezes from a pain that isn't tangible or physical. His brains whirls from the many familiar and unfamiliar scenes he had just witnessed.
His dream as of late is filled with Hae Soo and of a girl who looks like Hae Soo, always in a lake, like his own. It would have been a welcomed dream but it always ends with her dying on his arms, asking him to come home.
Home.
He promised her a month. He stands-up, tying his hair in a high ponytail. He reaches for a coat at the back of his chair and his sword by the table. It's dawn and the sun is about to break in the sky. He leaves the confines of his tent looking for his horse.
The crown prince on top of his horse, arriving at her quarters...
A lush fresh pick of pendulum egg-shaped flowers given...
Arms encircled in her waist…
The serene moon lake…
Breathing him in…
Tasting his lips...
Ha Jin is also dreaming of the lake and of his lips on hers.
"Agassi! Agassi! Il-eo-na! (Wake-up!)" Chae Ryung shakes her awake, breaking into her dream.
Ha Jin pushes Chae Ryung's hands away, not ready to leave the lake just yet.
"Agassi! Agassi!"
"Eii Chae Ryung-ah, no-mu si-kkeu-ro! (You're too loud!)" Ha Jin turns to her side, pulling her blanket over her head. "Ka! A-jik i-reu-ne (It's too early.)"
"Saengil eul chuk-ha-hab-ni-da! (Happy birthday!)" Chae Ryung greets Hae Soo.
Ha Jin abruptly opens her eyes.
Saengil-ya? At matda! (It's my birthday today?)
Since Joon Yeong and San Ya have been celebrating Ha Jin's birthday impulsively on different days every year, Ha Jin had forgotten to remember her own birthday on it's original day.
Hae Soo and I had the same birth date.
Taking out the blanket on her face, Ha Jin sits-up looking around. She raises her nose, the faint smell of lemony citrus scent is floating in the air.
"Chae Ryung-ah, can you smell that?"
"Smell what?" Chae Ryung leans towards Hae Soo, smelling around her.
"That." Ha Jin takes a deep breath, closing her eyes and opening it after, "Something lemony."
"Eii agassi, it might just be the bath essentials you're using." Chae Ryung pulls Hae Soo to stand. Dismissing her lady's weirdness. She drags her into her bathroom and puts her into a bath.
Hae Soo then takes her breakfast inside her room, making Chae Ryung eat with her. A seaweed soup and rice cake is put upon her table and she eats heartily with Chae Ryung. Since Myung Hee can't leave her room and the 8th prince always finds faults in her, Ha Jin is no longer invited to eat with Myung Hee and Wook. During weekends, when she comes home, all her meals are served inside her quarters.
Her only plan today is to drink with Baek-Ah and Eun tonight, the rest of her day empty. She doesn't mind that her whole day is quiet, standing outside Myung hee's quarters, waiting for the 8th prince to leave. She avoids Wook the way Wook does towards her.
Come night, Ha Jin stands in their main gate, waiting for Baek-Ah to fetch her. Baek-Ah had explicitly told her that he won't be stepping inside their household again so she should just wait for him in front of the main gate.
She toes the dirt around her foot, leaning with her hands in between her back and the wall, her eyes trained in the ground.
She hears the gallop of a horse before seeing it. Someone with a high ponytail, wearing a darker navy blue shade of hanbok, atop a horse is stopping in fronts of her. He alights, holding something loosely wrap in silk cloth. A few lush elliptical leaves and white pendulum egg-shaped flowers are peaking from the bundle of white silk cloth that he is carrying.
He smiles, walking towards her, his eyes full of longing. "I came, saengil eul juk-a-hab-ni-da Hae Soo-ya!"
"Jung wangjanim?" Ha Jin squints, looking at Jung but not seeing.
The fresh lemony citrus scent coming from the Mokran that Jung is holding is engulfing Ha Jin, transporting her to a different place, a different time. All around her is an unfamiliar palace courtyard. The dirt she was toeing is no longer soil but a wooden flooring of someone else's quarters. The crown prince is handing her those flowers, the daughter of the moon likes. The scene overwhelms her and all those memories of the crown prince and the daughter of the moon come crashing down on her, violent and raw.
"... I saw these flowers on my way back, at the outskirts of Songak. It seems, it bud early at the forest. I thought I should pluck a few since you love these flowers..."
But Ha Jin can't hear the words. Her mind is whirling, dizzy from the memories she keeps seeing. She holds to the wall, the flowers falling to the ground. Her other hand clasp at her stomach, feeling something cold, broad and heavy just went through her. She twist in pain, as if she's going to vomit blood. She falls head first and Jung catches her in his arms,
"Hae Soo-ya what's wrong?"
There's water everywhere, icy and piercing and the full moon darkening. Ha Jin shuts her eyes, wiling for the scene to go away. Her body is getting numb but the pain in her chest that has nothing to do with the sword that just went through her, is only worsening by every anguish sound that escapes her prince. Ha Jin's hand weakly reaches to the side of the Jung's face, brushing the fallen hair at his eyes and tracing the thin shallow wound on his cheeks. She comes back to the present, now inside Jung's arm, anxiously calling her name.
It's Jung?
It's not Jung, is it? It can't be.
Jung calms at her touch, his panic slowly ebbing away as he melts in her warm palm. The last time Hae Soo stroke his face tenderly was before he left for the northern borders last year. He had truly missed her.
"Do you remember now?" Jung captures her hand on his face and stills it in his cheek, "Please tell me you do."
Jung is misunderstanding her actions while Ha Jin is seeing him but not him. She looks pale, still whirring from all the scenes of her dreams. Though it feels all-wrong, she's now associating Jung with the crown prince in her dreams.
Jung pulls Hae Soo to his chest, holding her desperately.
"Jung…" Baek-Ah arrives at the main gate, finding the two in an embrace, "…ah"
He stops, surprise to see Jung openly holding Hae Soo in his arms. The general and his 4th brother had sent a messenger the other day, informing their father that they would be sending Jung home already. They aren't expecting him until tomorrow but when Baek-Ah was leaving the palace a while ago, he had run in to some of the soldiers that's supposed to be escorting Jung and they told him, the 14th prince had asked to be left in the plaza, wanting to buy something in the market.
Baek-Ah rode his horse fast, excited and nervous to see his 14th brother. He knew Jung wouldn't be in the market. As he nears his 8th brother's compound, he sees Hae Soo falling head first and Jung catching her.
Jung looks up to the sound of his name being called, he momentarily breaks their embrace but holds on to Hae Soo, "Hyung!"
Ha Jin shakes her head, dispelling her dizziness. She can no longer feel the pain in her stomach but she still feels the numbness all over her body. She holds to whatever is near her, which is Jung's arm, trying to find her balance again.
Jung's hold on Hae Soo doesn't escape Baek-Ah. He notices that Hae Soo seemed off, looking pale and confused as if she doesn't know where she is. He greets his 14th brother, opening his arms, going for a hug, hoping to create space between the two. He had just warned Hae Soo the other day, so it appears it's his 14th brother whose crossing the line of his own accord.
Welcomingly, Jung momentarily let's go of Hae Soo to receive his brother's hug.
"You're early, we weren't expecting you till morning." Baek-Ah tells Jung sincerely, glad to have his 14th brother back.
"Ay keureomyo! I told you I wouldn't stay away that long." Jung returns the pleasant smile.
In Baek-Ah's perspective, Jung looks the same and different at the same time. He is still cheerful and full of smiles but he definitely matured a lot. There is something with the way he carries his self, from his straight posture of a soldier, to the way he wears his pony tail, to the knife securely hidden on his belt, even the choice of color for his hanbok. He somehow reminds Baek-Ah of their 4th brother,
"Oh! Hae Soo-ya, saengl-eul juk-a-hae!" Baek-Ah turns to Hae Soo who manages to look steady. "Kuende, what's wrong? You look ill?"
"Ko-ma-wo-yo Baek-Ah." Hae Soo feigns a smile to hide her dizziness, "Nan a-peu-ji anh-a, geok-jeong hajima. (Don't worry, I'm not sick.) I'm pretty sure I can still best you in three rounds later."
"Ya! yol-sim-hi ha-ji neun ma-ra! (Don't try so hard!) A lady shouldn't be so proud of their drinking habits. It's embarrassing." Baek-Ah playfully reprimands Hae Soo.
The three of them laughs eager to expel the awkwardness around them. Ha Jin gathers the flowers that had fallen to the ground, buying her self some time. Baek-Ah and Jung help her put it in the silk cloth again. Ha Jin's hand closes in one of the flowers and sees the daughter of the moon doing the same thing. She shakes her head, anchoring herself to the present.
"I'll take this inside my quarters first." Ha Jin stands, bringing the flowers with her, "Jung wangjanim, thank you for bringing me these flowers. They're more fragrant than what I've imagined."
"I'm glad you liked it." Jung's eyes crinkles into a warmth reserved only for his Hae Soo.
He and Baek-Ah walks her to the main gate, seeing her recede to the courtyard.
"So how was the no…?"
Baek-ah finds himself pushed back and pinned to the wall, unable to finish his sentence, as soon as Hae Soo is out of earshot. Jung's arm is threatening to choke him and the warm playful brother who was joking with him a while ago is gone. In place of it is this angry and resentful boy who misunderstood Baek-Ah's intention in sealing the letters.
"Did you know?! ... For how long?! ... Were you trying to keep it from me?! ... Did I look so pathetic to you?! … DAE-DAP-HA-RA! (ANSWER ME!)" Jung trembles from holding all the emotions inside him.
Baek-Ah sports a confused look. Up close, in the semi-darkness that surrounds them, he now sees what's bothering him from the moment he saw Jung. Jung had lost much of the happy innocence his eyes used to hold, in place of it is a dangerous possessiveness reminiscent of his 3rd and 4th brother. The three of them, Yo, So and Jung, now really look like full brothers. The uncanny resemblance doesn't escape Baek-Ah.
With his free hand, Baek-Ah tries to push Jung away, calming his 14th brother, "What are you talking about?"
"Na han-te geo-jit-mal-ha-ji ma-ra! (Stop lying to me!) It was your seal … in the letters that Hae Soo… sent." Jung's voice breaks, shaking from the effort of accusing his brother. He feels betrayed for trusting Baek-Ah.
"Jung–ah start from the beginning. I don't understand what you're talking about," Baek-Ah lies, pretending he didn't read what's inside Hae Soo's letters. He was afraid this is what's going to happen if the letter for his 4th brother ends up in Jung's hands. He sealed it and wrote the names clearly outside the envelopes to make sure the right letters reach the right person. Now he knows his efforts failed. He'll remember to fire his family's messenger later.
"Go-jit-mal (You're lying) You know that the letter was a confession and still, you've chosen to send it! You know how I feel for her. You know why I'm doing all of these and you've chosen the side of So wangjanim?"
To Jung, it's 'So wangjanim' now not 'hyung' anymore, the formality and distance established.
"I didn't choose the side of our 4th brother, I've only sent the letters trusted to me." Baek-ah stops pushing Jung. He stills, looking away, letting Jung take his anger out on him, "Mianhada, all I know is that Hae Soo is confused of how she feels right now."
"Confused?" Jung clarifies.
"I only know what you know. We never saw them together. I didn't know they have a closer relationship." Baek-Ah answers truthfully. "When I've asked Hae Soo how she felt for So hyungnim, she said she doesn't know."
It feels wrong for Baek-Ah to be disclosing what he and Hae Soo had talked about the other night but the situation needs to be clarified to calm Jung down.
"Then I will make it clear for her." Jung releases Baek-Ah, his anger now contained in his fisted balled hands.
Baek-Ah looks back to Jung, his hand automatically reaching to his arm, "What do you mean?"
Jung shrugs Baek-Ah's hand away, stepping back to create distance.
"What did you do to the letter?" Baek-Ah voices what he had been anxious to hear about.
Jung smiles, his eyes crinkling to his usual pleasant self. It only made Baek-Ah erupts goosebump along the lines of his arms. Jung looks more chilling with his innocent facade in place.
"I merely took back what was mine."
And the poem was originally his and so is Hae Soo.
The pavilion at the back of jumak is well lighted with beautiful rectangle-shaped lanterns dangling in the corners of the ceiling. It's open walls are decorated with hanging see through colorful gossamer silk that offers a little privacy on the five people drinking inside it's space. The long table is laden with different kinds of seasoned meat, a few rice cakes and a lot of bottles that are now empty and are littered everywhere. Ha Jin seats in the middle with Woo Hee on her right and Jung to her left. Baek-Ah and Eun sit in front of them. Soon Deok is still grounded, unable to leave the confines of the Damiwon.
Ha Jin is playing another round of cham cham cham with Eun, both of them finishing three bottles in their several rounds. Eun is swaying on his seat, unable to focus on Hae Soo's hand while Ha Jin is a bottle away from being too drunk. Every now and then Baek-Ah volunteers to take the drink for Hae Soo but Jung would always rebuff him, letting Hae Soo drink on her own.
Jung plays with his own glass, not really drinking much. Baek-Ah is matching Jung's glass, keeping his self from being drunk. He watches over Hae Soo and Jung, nervous to what the latter is planning. It seemed Jung is no longer keeping his normal distance from Hae Soo, sitting beside her and not shying away from sharing spaces with her. He brushes Hae Soo's hair away whenever Hae Soo leans in the table and her hair falls unconsciously in the dishes around her. His hand naturally holds hers or goes to the small of her back whenever she needs support to right her balance.
Woo Hee who is originally not a good drinker like Eun, quietly sits on her own corner, having a hard time kneeling-sitting on her own tatami mat. She's also drunk, courtesy of Jung who had plied her with one too many toast a while ago with the excuse that it's his first time meeting her so they should drink together to get comfortable with each other.
"Woo Hee Ssi… when are you going to… sing for us? I heard gisaengs were supposed ...to be good with singing and dancing." Eun slurs his words, momentarily giving-up the game he's playing with Hae Soo.
Woo Hee only squints at Eun, offended by what he's asking. It isn't Woo Hee's choice to become a gisaeng, nor does she want to entertain men. She was put there by Minister Wang Ryeom Shik to do something for the Chungju Yu clan. He promised her, she wouldn't be serving men.
"Haji ma. (Stop it.) It's rude." Baek-Ah hits Eun's arm, reprimanding him.
"Ow! I didn't… mean it that way. Mianhada… Woo Hee Ssi," Eun quickly apologizes. "I mean… nothing… nevermind."
"Gwaenchanhseubnikka wangjanim." Woo Hee maintains her manners, abruptly standing-up and swaying gracelessly. "Let me get you some more wine."
She finds an excuse to leave, walking over the foyer slowly, measuring each step.
Baek-Ah pushes Eun away and he fell to the floor with his hands cushioning his head. He is confused as to what he is doing in the floor but he closes his eyes and gives in to a drunken sleep.
Ha Jin stands unsteady with Jung following her movement, ready to catch her, "I'll come after Woo Hee."
"Aniyo, Baek-Ah Hyung will go" Jung volunteers Baek-Ah to leave. He smiles at Baek-Ah, "Could you pass the jar of water please. I think Hae Soo needs to drink."
Baek-Ah catches Jung's gaze, handing the glass of water to Hae Soo. He thinks twice in leaving Hae Soo with Jung. Jung raises his eyebrows in question, inclining his head to Woo Hee's direction, telling him to leave.
Ha Jin sits again, with her back resting to the wooden frames of the balustrade, "Kamsahabnida Baek-Ah."
Without breaking his gaze with Jung, Baek-Ah tells Hae Soo, "Stay here, I'll take you home after I talked to Woo Hee."
"Keureomyo, where is she going anyway?" Jung answers for Hae Soo, never losing that sweet smile on his face.
Baek-ah concedes to Jung, trusting him with Hae Soo. He takes a look at Hae Soo one more time before he leaves, hoping Eun's presence, even asleep, might compel his 14th brother not to do anything rush.
After Baek-Ah leaves, Jung sits besides Hae Soo, resting his back to the balustrade too.
"How was the north?" Ha Jin asks to break the silence. Her eyes closed in an effort to stop her head from swimming in a drunken haze. She drinks the water and puts it down beside her.
"Silh-eo-hae, (I hate it)" Jung had come to associate the north with the place where he lost her. The first time he left for the north, he lost his Hae Soo to drowning. The next time he left, he finds he had lost Hae Soo's heart to his 4th brother. He thought it would be different this time.
Ha Jin opens her eyes, looking at Jung, "Wae?"
Jung grimaces bitterly, "I lost you there."
"Huh?" Ha Jin doesn't know if she's just too drunk but he doesn't understand what Jung is saying.
"I met your family by the way?" Jung changes topic, "Your mother likes me a lot."
"Na ga-juk? (My family?)" Ha Jin thinks about her real family for a second, "Ah Hae Soo's family, I thought Hae Soo is an orphan since she was five."
In her drunken state, Ha Jin voices her mind, talking about Hae Soo in third person.
Jung chuckles, finding Hae Soo amusing, "I mean Myung Hee's family, your adopted family."
"Ah kuereyo? What are they like?" Ha Jin had never thought to ask about Hae Soo's adopted family before. She hears the 8th prince sends them letters every now and then but that's all she knows about them.
Jung laughs loud this time, at least it's not just him that Hae Soo had forgotten. He clasp at his chest, the painful burning making him wince at the end of his laughter. "Your mother resembles your Myung Hee unnie, while your father and your brother have a good sense of humor."
"Wah, I wish I could have met them. Wouldn't it be nice to grew up in a loving family like that," Ha Jin crosses her stretched legs, sitting in an indian seat.
"But you grew-up with them." Jung points out matter of factly.
"I know but I don't remember them. The other week the 8th prince had scolded me for coming home in the morning with a hang-over. It was my fault anyway but when he said he might send me back to the north, I was scared. I know nothing about the north but since you're telling me that I have a really nice family then I guess it isn't so scary to go back there."
For a second, Ha Jin considers Myung Hee's household in the north. She really is terrified to be sent there but hearing about Myung Hee's family made her miss her own and then him, the 4th prince in the north. When she saw Jung a while ago, she thought she'd be seeing So behind him too.
"Jung wangjanim, did you came home alone?"
Jung freezes, the cold foreboding creeping up the back of his neck. He says nothing, anticipating the next question would be about his 4th brother.
"Didn't your 4th brother came home with you?" Ha Jin asks, looking at Jung, inclining her already hazy head.
"He loves the north too much, I don't think he's ever coming back." Jung answers quietly.
The incident of him being targeted by the lady consort was well kept between Gen. Park and So, they never told him why they were sending him back. He got his clan to cooperate with the accords. He fought well, even promoted to a lieutenant. It is incomprehensible to him why he is being transferred to a different province to govern. Then Hae Soo's letter came, if he was angry at his brother for sending him home, he now resents him for losing Hae Soo to him.
"Eh? But he promised me, only a month…" Ha Jin shakes her head, trying to dispel her drunkenness. "He wouldn't break…"
Suddenly Jung grabs Hae Soo on both sides, desperate to hold on to her, the pain too noticeable in his face. He makes her look at him, "Kueman hara! (Stop it!). You're cruel Hae Soo-ya. Why are you looking for my brother when I'm here? Yeo-gi iss-janh-a! Naya! Naya! (I'm here! Me!)"
Jung screams in anguish,
"Do you know how painful it is to learn that you no longer remember me after I came home last year? To see myself reflected in your eyes like a stranger, to wait for you in the pavilion every full moon but you never showed up, to buy that orange lantern you've discarded beside your door, to watch you from a far every night and see you drift from me everyday…. I thought in time you'd remember me... I thought if I give you space, you'll come back to me on your own… Was I wrong? Was I wrong?!"
Ha Jin instantly sobers up with the sudden outbursts of Jung, her arms going numb by Jung's tight grasp on her.
"Hae Soo-ya…" Jung breaks, hanging his head low in front of Hae Soo. He comes to his knees, pulling Hae Soo to his chest, pleading with her as his tears sprung in his eyes, "You used to look at me with tenderness. Can't you look at me the like that again? … jo-geum man (just a little) … ddak han beon man (just once more)…"
The guilt spreads in Ha Jin's chest again, making her close her eyes. She lets Jung hold her for as long as he needs to.
But I am not Hae Soo…
Associating Jung with the prince in her dreams, Ha Jin wonders if she could try, just once, to open her heart to Jung and see where it leads. Jung's desperation is gnawing in her conscience her heart feels constricted.
Jung breaks their embrace momentarily and cups Hae Soo's face, "I know your confuse. I'm alright with that."
His other hand slides to the back of her neck, keeping her in place, "I will make you look at only me from now on so you will never be confused again."
He pulls at her neck softly, inclining her face to him. He comes down to her lips and kisses her without permission.
The courtyard of Hoegyong Hall is alive with ministers, soldiers and gungnyeo(s) lining the path towards the throne situated at the tops stairs of the hall. King Taejo sits at the massive golden throne while his two queens are sitting on a smaller throne on both of his side. His astronomer-advisor stands on his right. The princes and princesses are standing one landing lower in the stairs. The palace is celebrating the coming home of the 14th prince.
It starts with a parade, where Jung and his new platoon goes around town, presenting the 14th prince to the kingdom. They go through the market and then the plaza, ending at the main gate of the courtyard of Hoegyong Hall.
Jung and his company are welcomed with salute from the royal guards. When he reached the beginning of the stairs, he alights his horse and goes up kneeling before his father, the king. A eunuch announces his presence and presents him to the king.
King Taejo smiles, proud to see the coming home of his son who had climbed the ranks in the military. He stands, clapping his hands, to which the whole court follows. He puts a pin of honor in his hanbok, awarding him the position of Sajik (lieutenant) and granting him the command of 125 men in his company, the way So and the general had written to the King.
"Rise my son." King Taejo commands.
"Your benevolence is off no end pyeha" Jung expresses his gratitude to his father, bowing deeply before standing the way a soldier does.
"How was your campaign in the north?" King Taejo asks, after coming back to his throne to seat.
"Our first clash with the Khitans is only the beginning of intense campaign to advance our territory to the north. My 4th brother, So wangjanim, had taught me well and I believe is quite suited as the military commandant in the north. If he is given, a year or two, he could work wonders in our borders."
Jung smiles, his whole face lighting-up to a sunny disposition. He only has praises for his 4th brother, subtly suggesting to the king to keep So in the north for the time being.
Han-du hae? (A year or two?) Jamkkan man! (Wait!) He can't stay in the north for that long.
Ji Mong looks at the 14th prince, trying to see what his bright smile is hiding. He had heard the two brothers had became close and that Jung has an ambition to become the military commandant.
Then why does he want his 4th brother to stay in the north? That would only secure the position to his 4th brother.
"Han-du hae? (A year or two?)" King Taejo thinks to himself, "You say a year or two for your brother?"
"Yie pyeha, my 4th brother has quite the connections and expertise in the north. He would do well with a year or two in his hands." Jung pushes for his suggestion.
"Keuregeona (I see). I shall consider it with my next correspondence with the general." King Taejo answers, keeping Jung's suggestion in mind.
"Kamsahabnida pyeha, my brother and the general would be glad to know of your support."
To Jung, if So loves the north so much, he can stay there for as long he wants. He doesn't care. He'll make sure he gets Hae Soo before he lets So come home.
Remembering his brothers words:
I will move heavens and burn everything to the ground.
He doesn't have plans on burning everything to the ground but he will move the heavens (the king) to have Hae Soo to his side again.
Right after the ceremony, Wook and Yeonhwa were called by a hurrying servant. Hae Soo was also excused out of the Damiwon. An emergency in their household had prompted for their servants to call for the three. When they arrived, they find their servants standing around Myung Hee's quarters, looking anxious and whispering by themselves. The three were ushered outside Myung Hee's door as they are informed that the royal physician is attending to Myung Hee at the moment. Ha Jin paces in the foyer, worried. Wook stays rooted, staring in front of the door. Yeonhwa was given a chair for her to seat upon.
When the door opens an hour later, they gather in front of a seriously looking physician. He tells them… the lady of the household miscarried.
Footnote:
1 Ssuk or Korean mugwort is believed to be a powerful medicinal herbs used as early as the Gojoseon period. They are dried and formed into small triangles used in Moxibustion, traditional Chinese therapy that warms a particular part of meridian points in the body to stimulate circulation and induce a smoother flow of blood and chi.
Editor's note:
I doubt Ji Mong would let So stay in the north for a year or two. When is he coming back? The next chapter holds the answer. Mianhaeyo, I couldn't write faster. We'll see more of court politics next chapter and the consequences of Jung no longer holding back and of Wook loosing the baby, of Hae Soo getting entangled in court and Lady Shinjuwon tightening the web to reel So in (Wait, will that fit in once chapter? I will try.)
What made me write it like these? Honestly, when I first started writing this, all I know is the ending and the beginning but how to get there? the story just grow on its own. Jung isn't originally a key player but with his history with Hae Soo, it felt wrong to discard him and then come back to him later. I try to give everyone a back story to trace how they end up like that but I just can't think of one for Queen Yoo, the kdrama never explained her irrational hatred for So, it made me hate her so much. The potential of the Kang clan is wasted in the kdrama so I explored Lady Shinjuwon instead. I plan to stay cannon to the story, at least in their relationships.
Thanks for always cheering me with your reviews, it always gives me strength to write. \'o'/
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