Notes at 4:50 AM on Oct, 19, 2017

Hello,

I know I promised, I would have a better schedule this month but my November sched is suddenly squeezed to my October so now I shoot 5 days a week and crawl myself to meetings in between. Heol! I guess I'm still alive and I still love my job :)

As of writing this, I have 20 page chapter that is not ready to be published. I realized I've been sloppy with my chapters lately, trying to get from one chapter to the next. The character development had been exclusive to So, Ha Jin and Jung only that my Baek-Ah is reduced to the grieving drunkard friend and Yeonhwa to the 2D hating mean girl. Won is virtually non existent after Chae Ryung vanished while Woo Hee took the back seat. I also miss Yo and So's dynamics together. Wait! I think can do better than this. I'm sure I can.

I wanted to end this by chapter 45 or at least last June because I badly need to work on a different project already but I love writing this fic so much that I keep pushing my other project aside. Procrastinating. Lol. Or I guess I suck at time management.

Let me re-organize my thoughts once more and hopefully churn a better chapter next.

All the love,

XOXO


Chapter 40:

Since the Gwageo are coming up next summer, Eun, Baek-Ah and Jung catch up with their studies, the only ones left in their class these days since their 3rd, 4th, 8th and 9th are now holding official positions in the court and are no longer interning.

Jung had taken to study by the library of the Damiwon, not wanting to use their clan's study chamber near the queen's quarters. Sometimes Eun and Baek-Ah join him. On most days, it's the three apprentices perusing the room.

The Damiwon's library comes in second to the King's library as the biggest and most complete library in the palace. Larger but less secluded compared to the seja's. The books range from herb medicines to government administration to folklores and literature of the olden kingdoms.

Today, Eun whines as he closes his book and rest his forehead at the table, sleepy, "Aigoo, do we really have to take the exams? It's not as if I want to hold a government position."

"You'll be married by the end of the summer. Stop complaining and grow-up." Baek-Ah turns a page of his book, not bothering to lift his gaze at his 10th brother's complain.

"Says my brother whose drunk every night." Eun makes face towards Baek-Ah, "Besides I don't want to be married anyway. It's my grandfather who wants the alliance with the general's family."

"Enough of the whining, you're lucky enough to get Soon Deok for a wife." Baek-Ah tries to concentrate on his book, his head aching. "I think the girl likes you a lot."

With the several times he had hanged out with his 1st and 4th brother at the general's house, he had learned that Soon Deok is infatuated towards Eun. His two older brothers and the general are supportive of it. Over time, Baek-Ah had also come to see that Soon Deok would be good match for his 10th brother even if Eun, himself, hasn't realize it yet.

"I like Hae Soo." Eun casually throws the sentence and the three of them freeze all at the same time. Eun swallows, looking at Jung. It's not a secret that he likes Hae Soo so he stubbornly repeats it, "Mwo? I like Hae Soo."

Baek-Ah is ready to hit Eun for being careless, gauging his 14th brother's mood. Though lately, he had noticed Jung no longer hovers around Hae Soo and he heard that Jung is keeping their 4th brother's company before So and Mu left for the north. He also seemed to be back on good terms with So again but knowing how Jung is when he got back from the north, Baek-Ah is still on the fence with him.

Jung doesn't react and pretends to be reading again.

Observing his 14th brother, Eun drums his fingers by the table innocently, "Jung-ah… Can I ask you something?"

"Mwo-ya? (What is it?)" Jung doesn't lift his head from his book.

"Do you… I mean…" Eun hesitates. Baek-Ah lightly kicks him underneath the table and the sudden rush of air underneath didn't escape Jung.

"Mal-hae, (say it) I've had enough of secrets already." Jung's face darkens.

"Do you no longer want Hae Soo?" Eun discards Baek-Ah's warning, opening a box of pain for Jung. "Since when did the two of you… you know… went separate ways? Is Hae Soo really with our 4th brother now? That's what Soon Deok told me…"

"What about you? Have you given up on her?" Jung asks casually. He had always seen his 10th brother's infatuation as harmless and doesn't begrudge him of it.

Eun wistfully laughs and ends it abruptly. He had never known bitterness before but the question begs to be felt. He breathes, resting his back in his chair, his heart heavy on his chest "That dream sailed away the moment I heard you begging her to come back to you."

Jung tenses, remembering Hae Soo's birthday. He and Hae Soo thought Eun was dead drunk.

"I could never amount to you, let alone to our 4th brother." Eun smiles bitterly, "I know I seemed stupid to all of you, that no one takes me seriously not even my grandfather. I like Hae Soo nonetheless but I've reached the end of it, haven't I? It was a dream. That was what she was and will always be to me... Kuenyang ggum-i-da (Just a dream.)"

Lifting his head to look at Eun, Jung holds Eun by the shoulder, stroking it. He doesn't have words for him, just gestures. Eun must be feeling the same pain as he is right now. At least Eun knows when to stop, unlike him who had hurt people first before being forced to let go.

Eun smiles at him, letting Jung know everything is alright with him now.

Jung stands-up, taking his things with him. He appreciates what his brothers are doing for him but the room has become stuffy for the three of them.

"Oe-di ka? (Where are you going?)" Baek-Ah asks worried.

"Kuenyang I need some air." Jung smiles, assuring his two brothers.

He goes out of the library and aimlessly walk, finding his self in the secluded corridor at the back of the Damiwon, where Hae Soo usually practice her handwriting and true enough, he sees Hae Soo sitting at her table with books spread in front of her, studying too.

Ha Jin looks up seeing Jung walking towards her. She politely smiles at him, "Jung wangjanim. Did you come from the library?"

Jung nods, a careful smile on his face, "Why are you studying here? Nal-ssi-ga chuweo. (It's cold.)"

"Kuenyang…" Ha Jin shrugs.

"May I join you?"

"Kuereomyo," Ha Jin answers, pointing Jung to a vacant seat beside her.

This seat will become Jung's seat for the coming months that he joins Hae Soo, studying in this secluded corridor.

Jung puts down his books in front of him, opening a conversation. He only wants to accompany her, to stay beside her silently, without asking anything in return.

Friendship would be a good start.

"How's your writing these days?"

"Oh! My writing?" Ha Jin pushes a few of the paper in front of her, casually showing her practiced writing to Jung, "What do you think?"

Jung looks at the characters in the paper, the strokes are slightly soft now, "I think your writing is much closer to your original one now."

Ha Jin stupidly grin this time, accomplishing something. She glances at him. "Jung wangjanim…"

"Hmm?" Jung waits for Hae Soo's question, amused of Hae Soo's reaction. His heart skips a beat and he scolds himself for forgetting.

"Can I ask you something?" Ha Jin hesitantly asks, "Mianhaeyo, I have no one to ask."

Curiously, Jung leans in, "Hae (go on)"

Ha Jin rummages on her paper, finding a hanji folded neatly into three. It's the letter on Hae Soo's dwikkoji box' secret compartment, "I'm a little bit confused. You see... you told me that this is my hand writing…"

She points to the letter that Jung gave back to her, the one she traces to practice her handwriting and then shows the other letter to Jung.

"Then whose hand writing is this?" Ha Jin unwittingly ask, "It doesn't look like mine."

Jung looks at Hae Soo for a long time, his face falling short. He could never get used to Hae Soo not remembering him and it only serves to add salt to his wound. The smile on his lips tightens turning into a grimace, "Nae-kkeo-ya. (It's mine.) The letter came from me."

Ha Jin is stunt. It never occurred to her it's from Jung.

And I'm stupid enough to send it to So wangjanim…

I should be thankful he never received it.

"Jung wangjanim…" Lost for words, Ha Jin doesn't know what to say, the situation turning awkward, "Joesonghabnida, nan cheong-mal mol-lass-eo-yo. (I'm sorry, I really didn't know.)

"Gwaenchanhna." Jung gathers his things, wanting to get out of there fast before the pain in his chest gets worst. "It's not your fault you don't remember."

"Jamkkanmanyo! (Wait!)" Ha Jin reaches to Jung's arm, "Joesonghaeyo cheongmal."

"I know you're sorry. I know." Jung continues to pile his books and stands-up, trying to not get irritated by failing, "You're always sorry."

"Please Jung wangjanim…"

"Please what?!" but Jung couldn't hold it back, his anger suddenly bursting. He breathes deeply, holding the tears, "I know you don't remember. I get it but it doesn't make it… any less… painful!"

Remembering that Hae Soo sent it to his 4th brother, Jung couldn't stop himself from yelling at Hae Soo, letting his anger out for once, "Could you be anymore insensitive? I gave it to you and you send the same poem to my brother? Hae Soo-ya…"

The pain knocks the breathe out of Jung, making him realize it's not easy to start a clean slate with Hae Soo, even if it's just friendship. Every detail still hurts.

"How did you know I sent it to So wangjanim? He told me he didn't received it?"

The question is tactless but Ha Jin puts the pieces together and finally knows the mystery behind the lost letters.

"I was the one who received it while we were in the north." Jung gives in to honesty, tired of the secrets and lies going around him, "It never reached him. Mianhada."

He waits for her to yell too, bracing himself.

"Thank you…"

And it didn't come.

Her reaction takes Jung a back. She's supposed to be angry but compared to Jung's pain, her anger takes the back seat,

"What I did was stupid. What you did is wrong but thank you for intercepting it. Please know, that if I were aware that it was yours from the beginning, I would never send it to your brother. I would have taken better care of it. I might no longer feel the same towards you but I still care. I really do. Joesonghaeyo."

Simple words. Simple apology. It's enough to take away Jung's anger but not his pain. He closes his eyes. He knows Hae Soo is not playing with him, yet his heart easily gives in and he curses inside for being weak. "Mianhada Hae Soo-ya."

"Gwaenchanhnayo." Ha Jin warmly accepts Jung's apology, letting the misunderstanding go.

"I'll do better next time. U-ri chin-gu-ga doel su iss-eul-kka? (Can we be friends?)" Jung asks, withholding the longing in his voice.

Ha Jin truly smiles this time, the kind that makes Jung remember of her once Hae Soo.


Two weeks came and went fast. Ha Jin is busy inside the Damiwon preparing for the winter's activities while So and Mu take care of the little uprising in the north.

Wook comes in at the Damiwon every day to see Hae Soo and since her parents are home, Wook is stripped of being a guardian for Hae Soo and is no longer being granted access to her. Ha Jin became even more grateful to Lady Oh.

On the third week, Ha Jin is hanging by their pavilion with Lady Sewon, when a messenger came in place of So and passes a letter to Hae Soo. Ha Jin receives it and puts it away.

Lady Sewon looks at her daughter, waiting for her to say something but Ha Jin only hides the letter away, saying nothing.

The moment she reaches the privacy of her room, Ha Jin opens her letter, informing her that So and the seja will come home by next week. If she could meet him at their meeting place by the river side under the cypress trees, So would seek her first the moment he steps at the palace.

By the fourth week, Ha Jin nervously stands by the riverside, fussing over her new creamy white and soft tone pastel purple silk hanbok, with printed neat flowers at the hem, the one Lady Sewon bought for her. She was supposed to wear it on their dinner with the queen but the scheduled dinner keeps getting pushed back by her parents, coming-up with different excuses every time.

She waits wistfully, watching the calm river and the blue sky. One prayer tower had appeared beside a cypress tree where they hanged their white lantern. She had been working on it since So left and had just completed it the other day.

The first snow hasn't fallen this year but it seems it would fall anytime soon. She watches their white lantern, swaying at the tree branch, wondering if So would come by horse or by foot. Turning to the direction of the bustling town she feels a déjà vu, remembering a flash of memory of Hae Soo waiting by the same riverside wearing the same hanbok she is wearing right now. Any moment now So would come walking, wearing a dark purple and black hanbok and true enough So arrives in the same clothes.

Ha Jin watches him as his figure becomes larger, coming closer to her with a warm smile and tenderness in his eyes, his hands clasps behind his back, playful and light. He stops a foot away and leans down to ask,

"Did you waited long?"

Did you waited long?

She hears the line in her head in time with So's voice. It is the same exact scene she saw in her flash of memory inside So's room.

Yet even when she is already saw the scene in her head, she didn't anticipate how much she had missed him for the past month.

Was I imagining it?

Her So looks different and familiar at the same time. His shoulder became broader, his angular jaw more defined and his face flashed from the morning sun grazing it. There's a crackling intensity around him that draws her in.

Ha Jin blushes, catching herself yearning for So's touch. She lowers her eyes, embarrassed to be openly ogling him and it didn't escape So's notice.

A smug smile appears at So's face, suddenly encircling his arms around her as Ha Jin steps back, stopping her midway and pulling her closer so the space between their body is non-existent. Ha Jin's heart instantly jumps in her chest.

What am I fifteen?

She unconsciously puts her hands on his upper arm, holding on to him. She looks up and her breathe is literally taken away by So's penetrating gaze.

So descends upon her further, brushing his lips, feather light upon her right ear, whispering,

"Pogo sipda."

Her ears turn red, burned by So's lip. Her hands, tightening on his arms, "So wangjanim…"

Not far, hooves of a horse can be heard coming towards them. It stop behind So's back and Ha Jin freezes, embarrassed to be seen on the 4th prince's arm. She tries to step back from So's hold but So only pulls her tighter, enveloping her.

"So wangjanim," The soldier hesitantly addresses So, looking anywhere but the two, trembling from fear that he had to interrupted the 4th prince when he clearly doesn't want to be disturbed, "Joesonghabnida, your father is looking for you and is asking for you to come to the palace quickly."

So didn't bother to turn and only held Hae Soo. Ha Jin burrows her face inside his coat, dying of embarrassment.

"I'll come in a bit." So answers.

"I'm afraid…"

"You should be," So cuts the soldier's sentence, speaking in low and dangerous tone, "Ka! (Leave!)"

And the soldier had no choice but to take his horse and leave fast, not bothering to finish his sentence.

"Soo-ya, mianhada." So's voice is gentle this time, addressing Hae Soo, "I know I've just arrive but I will have to report to the king, may I see you tonight instead? Let's have dinner at the sky tower or shall I come to your house?"

Ha Jin relaxes on So's arm the moment the soldier left, inhaling him and filling herself with his presence before pulling out to look at him. She brushes the long bangs on the left side of his face, the one covered with a mask before, "I'll come to the sky tower."

And So knows, Hae Soo still hasn't told her parents about him yet. He closes his eyes and pulls her to another embrace. For now, he contents himself with feeling Hae Soo's heartbeat matching his wildly beating one.

So wouldn't be able to meet Hae Soo that night. He and the seja would leave the palace immediately after meeting with the king and that would be how their winter would be spent, of So coming home only to report to the king every a few weeks. Sometimes he would catch a gaze with Hae Soo from a far before he is ask to leave urgently again and Ha Jin could only watch, longingly.


Come Seollal, the Haes and Ha Jin visit Myung Hee's grave, cleaning it and preparing a sumptuous meal as an offering. Wook fetched them here early morning and left to join his own family by the palace.

The bushes of Mokran that Lady Sewon planted had grown a medium size and are now bountifully surrounding the walls of the grave. It's leaves swaying luxuriously with the cold wind, giving off a faint smell of lemony citrus scent.

Ha Jin braces herself, anxious that she might experience a repeat of what happened their last Seollal, when images of her dreams suddenly engulfed her and that searing pain in her stomach took her consciousness away. Thankfully nothing like that happened but all through out the day, the smell of lemony citrus scent hovers under her nostril, teasing her of memories dancing at the back of her head.

On their way back to their household, Ha Jin sits with Lady Sewon inside a big palanquin, comfortable enough to fit several people inside. Ha Jin prefers to have ridden a horse but that would mean riding with the 8th prince and no one would take her back after Wook leaves so she's stuck inside the palanquin with Lady Sewon observing her the whole time.

"Hae Soo-ya, why couldn't you ride a horse on your own?" Lady Sewon asks, perplexed, certain that all her children can ride the horse well.

Ha Jin hesitates, she might have used the excuse I don't remember for the past year but she hesitates using it on Lady Sewon, doubting if her mother would accept it.

"Your unnie told us you don't remember anything at all. Does any of your memory came back already, hasn't it been more than a year now?" Lady Sewon reaches to her hand, concerned.

With no excuse, Ha Jin wouldn't be able to answer.

"We could have you taught to ride a horse, shoot an arrow and everything else you don't remember but can you be honest with me?" Lady Sewon's squeezes her hand softly, "Have you also forgotten about the 14th prince that's why you're no longer seeing him anymore?"

Ha Jin stills, swallowing her apology for an excuse.

"We've met the 14th prince and 4th prince early this year, back in our home. Jung wangja was excited to let us know how close he is to you." Lady Sewon gently smiles at her daughter, letting her know that Hae Soo could trust her, that she is there for her.

"He's a good boy, a kind and smart one. He knows he would never sit in that throne so he pursues a different path where he could excel and protect what he has. Coming from the queen's clan who adores her sons, Jung wangja could provide you the home untouched by the politics of the palace. Will you not try to remember the boy's place in your heart?"

"Eomeonim, I…"

"I know you're seeing the 4th prince now. Your father and I saw you with him the day before he left."

Ha Jin tenses.

"Yes we saw how he was holding you like his whole world revolves around you… like his whole world would shutter without you in it… We saw how much he loves you and yet…" Lady Sewon falters a bit, worried on how to explain it to her daughter without sounding like she's the enemy who wants to keep them apart, "… and yet we also saw how possessive his hold to you is… his love is borderline obsessive and it could easily turn to a dangerous one. That kind of love… how do I describe it?"

Lady Sewon thinks pensively, "It excites you. It ignites something within you that makes you feel alive but any fire left unchecked will burn furiously and will eat up anything in it's path. It lays waste and leaves ashes on its wake."

Looking at her daughter's innocent face, "Hae Soo-ya, my beloved daughter, I don't want you to be consumed with that kind of fire. I don't want you to confuse feeling alive with burning your embers to the ground. Listen to eomeoni when I tell you I only want what's best for you."

"Eomeonim…" Ha Jin timidly admits, "I… like… the 4th prince… and I think he loves me…"

"There's no question of whether he loves you or not, weren't you listening to me? He's love will kill both of you in the end." Lady Sewon warns her daughter, "Hae Soo-ya, we have been lax with your unnie and orabeoni's marriages and we want to be lax with you too but trust me when I say, no one wants to marry into the Kang household, not even your 4th prince. Ask him, I'm sure he'll tell you the same."

And the scary part is, Lady Sewon got the whole picture correctly.


By the time the Haes arrive in their household, a messenger from the queen informs them that the queen would like to have a dinner with them later and she wouldn't take no for an answer this time.

So come dinner, the Haes hesitantly brings Hae Soo with them. They were pushing for the dinner to happen a little later since Lady Sewon is buying herself some time to talk some senses to Hae Soo and it is only this afternoon that she was able to do so, yet it wasn't enough to convince her daughter.

A feast of multiple course meal welcomes them at the queen's pavilion. The queen graciously sports a warm smile for her guests. Yo and Jung are present with Jung being forced to come. Yo, Jung and Hae Soo perform the obligatory deep bow for the queen as a greeting.

Hae Soo looks awkardly jumpy, having no hunch as to what this dinner is for. She looks at Jung as she sits in from of him, wondering if he knows what's going on. Jung had eased up with her lately and they were truly getting along as friends.

"It was nice of all of you to come join us for the Seollal. I've been looking forward to meet Lady Hae Soo here." Queen Yoo announces with delight while taking a seat at the head of table with Yo and Jung on each of her side.

"Joesonghabnida your grace, we've been busy with our eldest daughter' wake this past months." Hae Hyeonhui apologizes, sporting a kind and quiet face.

"I don't mind, I'm sure the whole family still grieves, let me extend my condolences." Queen Yoo politely greets. "And Hae Soo Ssi, it's nice to see you again. I've heard so much about you from my son here."

Queen Yoo looks over at Jung and Jung doesn't bother to lift his head. He's only here because tradition dictates every family must spend time with each other during new year. Though in admittedly, he misses his family deeply.

Ha Jin curtly smiles, keeping her head low afterwards. The group proceeds with eating their dinner, starting with Byeongsi (Manduguk or dumpling soup serve in the royal court)

"How do you find the mandu (dumplings) we've served Hae Soo Ssi?" Yo breaks the silent dinner with small talk, exerting an effort to put their soon to be in laws at ease.

Marrying Jung to the Haes means double crossing the Hwangbos with their alliance and Yo is aware of this so he was careful to make it look as if they were just being friendly with the Haes in front of his 8th brother. He still needs his 8th brother to do the legwork of their plan and then keeping him on leash after he secures the throne to himself.

Now that he knows, what his 8th brother is capable of, he keeps a back-up plan for himself just in case his 8th brother breaks the alliance and turns against him.

Unknown to him, Wook has his own plan outside their own alliance too, not trusting his 3rd brother even a bit. Wook watches silently in the dark, waiting for his chance on the throne and on Hae Soo.

"The wheat and buckwheat used for the flour are cultivated from our farms up north. Had Oh Sanggun shown you how to make these mandus? It would be good to learn it so you could cook it for our family next Seollal." Queen Yoo keeps up the pretence of a gracious host. She does like the Haes, meek and controllable in her eyes.

"U-ri ka-juk-eun? (Our family?)" Ha Jin repeats it, lifting her eyes in question to Lady Sewon.

"My son Jung, would be handling our northern army after he passes the Gwageo exam. I hope you don't mind living in the north again but we could set you your own household here in Songak if you want to stay here after your wedding." Queen Yoo patiently explains. "Though I'm sure my son would want to bring you to the north, closer to him. You know, as newlyweds."

Jung tenses. That was the original plan before he found out his family murdered Myung Hee to get this marriage done.

Ha Jin is lost. She had only narrowly missed her engagement with the 8th prince two months ago and now her parents had thrown her into another one without consulting her. At this rate, she might just find herself traumatized with the word yakhon (engagement).

"Eomeonim, abeonim," For all the politeness in her, Ha Jin could only ask with her eyes, her hand tightening at her silver chopsticks.

Is this why eomeonim was talking to me this afternoon?

She feels betrayed, trusting Jung and her parents.

"Is there something wrong Hae Soo Ssi?" Yo asks, needing Hae Soo to choose Jung over So herself so the 4th prince wouldn't turn against them but Yo miscaldulated. So would never give-up Hae Soo even to his adored 14th brother.

"geokjeong haji maseyo Hae Soo Ssi, you don't need to be embarrassed about it. Our Jung here had confessed into seeing you secretly and as a mother I'd like to rectify my son's impudence by granting him marriage to you before the rumor gets out and you be put to a distressing situation." Queen Yoo plasters a smile on her face, backing Hae Soo against the wall with common courtesy. "You were seeing my son secretly at your pavilion every night before you entered the Damiwon, did you not."

And Ha Jin couldn't say she doesn't remember. Her excuse sounds like a weak whining even in her own ears. She waits for Jung to say something but Jung keeps his head low, his insides wavering at the sight of his dream being realized. Perhaps he could really take Hae Soo to the north, away from this chaos of the politics, away from his 4th brother who seemed to be part of this lie, away from his conniving family.

"Jung-ah, didn't you come home at the lady's birthday to spend the night with her?"

Yo's sentence has an implied meaning.

"I did." Jung answers honestly. He really came home to spend some time with her that night.

The Haes look pale, embarrassed for their daughter's secret coming to light.

"And nothing happened!" Ha Jin exclaims, standing-up and refuting the implication of Yo's sentence. Anger rises in her as everyone believes Jung. She looks at Jung accusingly and when Jung didn't say a word, she begrudgingly walks away against the insistent call of her parents.

"Joesonghabnida, let me take care of Hae Soo." Jung follows behind Hae Soo, apologizing in her wake.

He catches up with her outside the queen's quarters, pulling at her hand.

"You betrayed me!" Ha Jin shouts the moment Jung's finger closes on her arm.

"I'm only trying to protect you." Jung steps back from the force of Hae Soo's anger.

"By forcing me to a marriage?!" Ha Jin couldn't believe she trusted Jung, "You said we were alright, that we're going to start over again as friends. Why are you breaking words now?"

"You were the one who broke your promise first! You promised to come to the lantern festival with me to seal our engagement and you didn't even remember!" Jung throws back the accusation at Hae Soo his anger coming out once again at the remembrance of the pain, "I bet you don't even remember that you promised your heart to me…"

The words feel like a doused of cold water to Hae Soo.

Jung breathes, shaking as he calms himself. It takes a long stretch of silence to keep his head above the pain and think clearly. "Mianhaeyo… you are right… we are starting as friends. I shouldn't be asking for more."

Jung releases her hand, feeling bad for the mess he had started, "I don't know how to put a stop on it. I've already said no to my mother but she wouldn't listen to me. My mother wants to push through with the engagement so she could have control over two chancellery seats. Mianhaeyo Hae Soo-ya. Let me think it over and I'll try to get you out of it soon."

"Try…" Ha Jin says the word bitterly, "I've been promised of it many times and I'm beginning to be afraid of that word."

"I won't disappoint you this time." Against the pain in his chest, Jung promises Hae Soo. "Please trust me."


Three days after, Jung arrives at the northern garrison tired and out of sleep. The soldiers who had seen him by the tower, brought him at the middle of Gen. Park, Mu and So's meeting.

"It's nice of our 14th prince to join us once again but was I the only one who didn't get the notice?" Gen. Park voices everyone's surprise.

"I'm staying here from now on." Jung answers determined, running away from the palace and the engagement his mother is forcing him into.

"Mwo rago? Neo mi-cheoss-eo? (What did you say? Are you out your mind?) It's not safe for you here." So's face darkens as he takes Jung by the arm, planning to put him back on a horse.

"Hyungnim!" Jung holds So's hand that is gripping his arm, "You'll regret it if you send me home."

A warning on Jung's face that resolutely needs to be heard.

So releases his brother's arm, his head about to come down with a migraine. It's not enough that he's looking after the seja's back on top of the little uprisings they need to curtail; now Jung comes, insisting on staying. He closes his eyes and releases Jung, letting him be for the night.

The next day, a letter addressed to the seja arrives early morning by a messenger from Kang's private army, extending an invitation to their group to join Lady Shinjuwon in her palace at Shinju. It's the second invitation in two months. So immediately shoots the plan down, not letting any of his brothers near the Kang household, not just for their sake but for his too.


It would be weeks before Lady Sewon breaks the heavy silence between her daughter and them. Hae Soo never spoke another word after the dinner with the queen even when she is home for the weekend. She stays in her room most of the time or leaves their household, only giving a heads up to their servants, never directly to her parents again.

She's home for every family dinner but only speak when she is addressed. Even then, her words are limited to yes or no. Hae Hyeonhui and Lady Sewon are racked with worry, seeing as their only daughter drifting away from them.

By last of winter, Lady Sewon comes to the Damiwon to have tea with Hae Soo, asking permission from Lady Oh to have a few minutes with her daughter. Sitting alone in an enclosed room with Hae Soo occupying the space directly in front of her, Lady Sewon addresses the silence,

"Hae Soo-ya, my dear daughter, please talk to eomeoni, this silence is driving us mad."

This isn't Ha Jin's first time to be thrown in a sudden engagement, she'd learn well to wait and express her firm refusal through silence. Talking back only makes her look like a grumbling kid and it always earn her a slap on a cheek.

"Tell me, weren't you secretly meeting the 14th prince before." Lady Sewon asks once more, confirming the secret that started this talk of engagement.

"I did." Ha Jin avoids Lady Sewon's eyes, speaking with honesty and nervousness "and I told Jung wangja several times that I don't remember and probably will never remember again."

"I see." Lady Sewon observes her daughter, really observe her this time.

The last time they saw her was two years ago, when she said goodbye to them because she would start living with her Myung Hee unnie then. She looks so different now, the way she talks, the way she carries herself, her hand writing, everything about her is unfamiliar even the way she stays silent. They didn't believe Myung Hee when she first told them the changes in Hae Soo. They had to see it first hand before they believed.

"He told us, you promised your heart to him. Did you also forget about it?"

Ha Jin looks at the floor, ashamed, "Ne."

"Don't you think you're being unfair to that boy? He loves you and your lack of care towards the promise you made is killing him. Hae Soo-ya, if you need time to find those lost memories then we can postpone the engagement or better yet, marry the boy and I'm sure in time you'll find the feelings buried deep inside you again. He's a very nice boy." Lady Sewon appeals to her daughter.

"I won't remember. It's unfair to him, I know but I've apologized over and over and he had accepted it already. We ended our relationship a long time ago. Eomeonim please, Jung wangja had released me from the promise I gave him already, won't you also do the same?" Ha Jin pleads to her mother to call the engagement of.

And Lady Sewon could only look at his daughter. It was a fault in their part to have rushed the engagement but they were only looking after their daughter, trying to marry her to a clan with good reputation before word gets out that her daughter's registration is missing and is therefore clan less. Legally, she won't inherit anything unless they find her registration and no respectable clan will have her because of that.

"It would be hard to break faith with the queen's clan now, the engagement is only waiting for a blessing from the king." Lady Sewon explains, "Hae Soo-ya, will you not reconsider."

"Joesonghabnida eomeonim." Ha Jin looks at her shaking hands in her lap, clasping it together.

"Kuereom, when do I meet this boy you've been seeing behind our backs?" Lady Sewon let's the matter go for now and addresses her daughter's not so overt relationship with the 4th prince. "A proper conduct with good intentions dictates, he should have come forward and introduce himself before pursuing you."

Ha Jin blushes this time and swallows, "So wangjanim… wanted to meet you… the moment he found out you've arrived. It was I, who kept refusing him because I was afraid…"

"If you were afraid from the beginning then something is wrong, don't you think so?" Lady Sewon cuts her daughter's sentence.

"It's not like that eomeonim." Ha Jin rubs her hands together, standing her ground, "I wanted to spend some time with my parents whom I haven't seen for a long time. Is that so wrong?"

Lady Sewon's expression softens at Hae Soo's admittance, "Mianhada Hae Soo-ya, your father and I didn't know."

"It's nothing, I only missed both of you."

Lady Sewon reaches to her hand underneath the table, "Will you let me make it up to you? Let me prepare a dinner for the 4th prince and his mother, will that do?"

The condition was tricky. Lady Sewon knew Lady Shinjuwon is in the north and wouldn't be able to come easily. It would buy them time to sort their daughter's engagement with the 14th prince and come up with favorable conditions for their daughter. It's a good thing, the deal is under all wraps at the moment.

"Eh? His mother? Lady Shinjuwon?" Ha Jin suddenly remembers Chae Ryung's warning. She knew, she'll have to meet her at some point. She's just not ready.

"Yes, the consort, Lady Shinjuwon." Lady Sewon couldn't help but be apprehensive too. Maybe like them, their daughter only needs to meet the consort, herself, before Hae Soo could have a change of heart. The lady consort doesn't inspire warmness around her.

"Araseo. I shall let the 4th prince know." Ha Jin lifts her gaze for the first time, grateful, "Eomeonim, kamsahabnida."

"Anything for my daughter." Lady Sewon anxiously smiles, worried that they might be losing another daughter.


Come early spring, the apprentices' tasks increases, including serving in the inner court in preparation of running their own household. Ha Jin and Soon Deok were given their own rooms while Woo Hee is left to stay in their room.

Somehow, no longer sharing a room with her friends makes Ha Jin miss them even when she still see them everyday.

Today, they are coop-up inside their classroom with Lady Oh teaching them the ritual that has to be observed when one gets married.

"The practice of marriage can be traced back to as early as the three kingdoms," Lady Oh paces in front of her three apprentice and stops in front of Soon Deok, "Soon Deok Ssi, please read from your book, how does a marriage start in Goguryeo?"

"(It)… is when a man and woman find liking in each other… The groom's family sends pork and alcohol but not any kind of wealth…" (1) Soon Deok reads from her book, attentive this time.

"Ah so in the earlier years of the three kingdom, women and men are allowed to have a choice?" Ha Jin accidentally thinks out loud, not really talking to anyone.

Lady Oh stops her pacing and looks at Hae Soo, "Yie Hae Soo Ssi. Ideally, people are allowed to choose whom they want to marry and it is still true to free folks and common people. Do you belong to any of them?"

An implication and a warning.

"Eh?..." Ha Jin catches her loud mouth, pursing her lips, "I guess I don't…"

Lady Oh observes Hae Soo some more before continuing with her lesson, "Marriage alliances are often the common norm for the nobles and the royalties even during the three kingdoms. This kind of marriage is known as Jeongrakhon, practiced to foster good relations among different clans and other kingdoms. Question?"

Ha Jin is quiet this time.

"To further consolidate and keep the power among clans and royalties, a type of marriage called Joknaehon, is practiced. It is a marriage between elites and powerful clans. The kingdom of Silla, whose known for their strict bone rank system raised Joknaehon to a different bar by allowing marriage among kins and blood relatives. They encouraged Geunchinhon, marriage within the blood to maintain the purity and lineage of their clan." Lady Oh further explains, "In some cases, marrying your sibling had became a norm in the royalties of Silla."

They even practiced it here in Goryeo.

Ha Jin stopped, remembering a fact from her history book.

King Gwangjong married his sister Queen Daemok to consolidate power within the court.

Yeonhwa gongju would become Queen Daemok, wouldn't she? Whom would she be marrying?

"Later, I want the three of you to go by the gardens and I will teach you the ceremonial bow for the wedding ritual and then we will visit the poultry house and see the geese. Though it is the groom whose in charge of handing the goose to their mother-in-law, you should know how to take care of them just in case something goes wrong." Lady Oh closes her book and looks at Soon deok, "That would help you a lot Park Soon Deok Ssi. I hear you're getting married right after you complete your apprenticeship. Will that be this summer?"

"Ah yie Oh sanggun." Soon Deok answers blushingly.

"Kuereom, let me wish you a fruitful marriage with our 10th prince." Lady Oh congratulates Soon Deok, her manners dictating a polite well wishes to the soon to be wife.

By late afternoon, the apprentices are led into the garden were several gungnyeo(s) are waiting to assist them with learning their ceremonial bow.

Soon Deok sidles beside Woo Hee as they walk in the corridor, whispering, "Woo Hee-ya, can I ask you something?"

Woo Hee glances at Soon Deok, "What is it?"

Ha Jin walks at the other side of Woo Hee, leaning her ears to listen too.

Blushing, Soon Deok hesitantly asks, "Do you have a gibu (gisaeng husband)? I heard you have a sponsor from a powerful clan that's why you were chosen as a trainee haensu gisaeng the moment you entered the gyobang."

Woo Hee tenses, fearful that Soon Deok might have found her connections to the 3rd prince, "Why do you ask?"

"Kuenyang…" Soon Deok misunderstood the idea of sponsor in Woo Hee's case. She was asking because she thought Woo Hee's sponsor is a gibu and that she had already undergone the ceremony of first night. Soon Deok is anxious of her own wedding night and since she has no mother to talk to, she asks Woo Hee instead, "Does it hurt?"

"Eh?" Woo Hee sports a confused expression, "What does hurt?"

"I mean… you know… your first night?" Soon Deok looks at the ground, her face a plum tomato.

Realization dawns at Woo Hee and Ha Jin and they too blushes at the question.

"Mol..la… chal mo-rue-gess-seub-ni-da…" Woo Hee trips in her words, embarrassed to be asked. Out of mortification, she answers truthfully, "My sponsor isn't like that."

"Ah kuere?" Soon Deok looks anywhere but the two, uncomfortably awkward but since she has no one to ask she turns to Hae Soo next, "Hae Soo-ya, do you think you could ask your mother?... or maybe I should? Mianhaeyo, you see, I can't ask my own father, can I? Eotteohke haeya hana? (What Should I do?)"

"Nae eomeoni? (My mother?)" Ha Jin looks horrified, it took her months to admit to her mother that she likes the 4th prince, asking Lady Sewon might put her in more hot water with her. Besides, even in present times, she would never ask her real mother of it. "Don't worry about it, you'll be fine. I think Eun wangja is gentle enough but I guess it would still hurt no matter how gentle your husband is."

Downplaying it, Ha Jin isn't exactly innocent in that part. Hae Soo's body might be innocent but not Ha Jin. She lived with her ex-boyfriend for two years and though they don't share a room, the late night making outs did escalated into sharing a bed at some point.

Ha Jin suddenly becomes aware of Hae Soo's body that she is residing. Her dreams of the lake and the girl who looks like her spending nights with her prince suddenly comes forefront in her mind.

Will I ever retain the face of her prince?

Her body somewhat remembers the crown prince's touch and she suddenly feels hot, fanning herself with her hands.

Soon Deok and Woo Hee watch her, wondering where her answer came from, "Hae Soo-ya, did you and So wangja…"

"Anibnida!" Ha Jin defensively denies whatever Soon Deok is about to ask.

And a playful smile appears at Soon Deok's face, teasing Hae Soo, the awkwardness forgotten.


At the middle of Spring, Gen. Park's group is out of ideas as to how to curtail the growing unrest in the north. They thought the unrest was just a mere misunderstanding among farmers and that after talking to the farmers and putting soldiers in every town, the unrest will die down on its own.

Due to in flux of hundreds of people from fallen kingdoms around them, a few thousand new people became responsibilities to the clans governing each town in the north and they are having a hard time finding the root cause of these unrest. Every time they solve one problem, another concern will sprung and it felt like they are in a strange loop they couldn't break.

The four of them sit down for another meeting, looking at their make shift map of the north at the table.

"There's another invitation from your mother this morning," Mu tells So, holding a letter on his hand.

"Maybe we should see your mother. She might be able to offer us help?" Gen. Park suggests, "This little unrest is costing the treasury of the palace and our defense here in the north. Other kingdoms around us might see this as an opportunity to advance in our territories and we'll be caught of guard if we continue like this."

"My mother doesn't offer help without asking for anything in return." So repeats again, keeping the shaking out of his voice. "I thought I've been clear about this from the beginning."

The annoyance sipping in So's voice.

"We've already ask for her help once. She gave you her chancellery seat and it turn out good, did it not? What did she ask in return for that?" Mu recalls their first bargain with Lady Shinjuwon and without the knowledge of what it cost So, he thinks it's alright.

So doesn't answer, keeping a tight lip.

"Why are you so afraid of her?" Jung asks, thinking Lady Shinjuwon is much nicer than their mother. Talking to his self, he say, "I bet our own mother is scarier than her."

The sentence did not escape So's ears, finding an excuse to change topic "Why are you here Jung-ah? Did something happen with the queen?"

Jung could only look at his 4th brother, wondering what would happen if he comes clean to him.

The silence envelopes the whole room as each of them is lost in their own thought.

"How about you think about it some more So wangjanim while you are at Songak. I don't think the king will take kindly to us this time if you report the same thing to him again but maybe a few days of different air will give you another perspective." Gen. Park brings their meeting to an end. "I'll see you all in a week."

"I'm staying." Jung repeats once more.

"Jung-ah!" So exasperatedly exclaims, "Come home with us."

"Let your brother be. I think I could use some help here while you and the seja returns to the capital." Gen. Park gives So a knowing look, "I'll look after him, I swear on my wife's grave."

And So is forced to acquiesce once more, trusting the general.


The lush plants and the beautiful scenery on their way back home did nothing to alleviate So's mood. On top of their horses going on a normal pace, So is worried for Jung who keeps on insisting of staying in the north and is weary of Lady Shinjuwon's invitation. He wanted to stay as far away from his adoptive mother so he had sent her back to the north but now that he's assigned to the north, Lady Shinjuwon had found a way to reel him in once again and knowing his adoptive mother, he suspects that the help she's offering might really be a solution but it will come in a high price.

"So-ya, were almost in the palace. Whatever you're ruminating about, I suggest you take some time off, maybe see Lady Hae Soo or something." Mu breaks into So's reverie, "I bet you miss her already. Let's think about our problem after we come back to the north."

Sighing, So releases his worries with his breathe, focusing on seeing Hae Soo. It's been another half a year since they all first left for the north and though they come back every once in two months, there isn't enough time to see Hae Soo. At least this time, he has three days to stay.

"Do you think the Damiwon will be open when we arrive?" So asks looking straight ahead.

"It will be close to midnight by then." Mu chuckles, "Every place would be close. Please tell me you didn't ask Baek-Ah to kidnapped her again?"

"I should have, shouldn't I?" Innocently, So really doesn't see anything wrong with whisking Hae Soo away.

"Oh! I heard from Soon Deok's letter that they were given their own room already. Though I didn't find out where it is." Mu implies something as a mischievous smile appears on his face, "Did Lady Hae Soo mentioned it to one of her letters?"

So thinks about it, "Aniyo, she didn't say anything. Maybe Baek-Ah knows, he always prowls around her. If I didn't know better, I would have thought Hae Soo is seeing him rather than I."

Mu unexpectedly laughs at So's endearing jealousy, "Ei geokjeong hajima, their like siblings, Baek-Ah would never betray you."

"Even true siblings marry on our family." So points out.

"Lady Hae Soo will never do that to you." Assuring So, Mu good naturedly defends Hae Soo.

"Jung told me, Hae Soo once promised her heart to someone else."

"Mwo? Jinjja?" Mu halts his horse altogether, stunt, "She was seeing a different boy before you? Nugu? (Who?)"

So carries on with his horse still on its normal pace, not bothering to slow down for his brother.

Mu catches up after getting his head back, "She loved another boy?"

"She was seeing another boy," So corrects Mu, "Not love… Maybe… I don't know. I guess she did. They told me she's a different person before she lost her memories."

"Ah kuere? I never knew she's different." Mu thinks about it, "Whose the unlucky boy?"

So keeps a straight face, "Jung never told me."

"I guess its for the best. I bet you'd kill that boy, won't you?" Mu nonchalantly guesses.

"I will." So seriously answers.

"Ya! I was only joking." And Mu knows his 4th brother isn't playing around.

So would really kill the boy Hae Soo once love if that would keep Hae Soo to his side. He realizes, Ji Mong is right, So had unstable impulses that threatens the safety of everyone when it involves Hae Soo. He only hopes Hae Soo would never tire of loving his 4th brother because there is undoubtedly no way out for her once she changes her mind. She is definitely good for So but Mu begins to think, So is too much for that innocent girl.


It would be midnight by the time Mu's party arrive at the palace and everyone goes their own way. So, for his part, since he couldn't sleep, goes to his boat by the Donji lake, planning to spend the night there.

He finds his boat tied to its usual place by the lakeside. Beside the tree, hidden by the trunk, are familiar stones piled up resembling a tower.

"Prayer tower? Hae Soo must be hanging around here." So asks himself as he turn one stone.

Looking for a stick, he carefully lights the candle with fire from his lantern. He doesn't really pray but he wishes instead, asking for Hae Soo to somehow turn up here.

He chuckles lightly, finding his wish absurd. He leaves the prayer tower be and unties his boat, stepping on it and rowing to the middle of the lake.

The sky is clear tonight with plenty of stars to watch. The moon is almost crescent in shape as if widely smiling from the sky above. So feels calm, at home with the gentle lapping of water in his boat. He puts his lantern by the other end, putting the light out and lies by the floor. Using his arms as pillow. He closes his eyes, listening to the crooning of beetles at the middle of the spring. The Tangerine tree-bushes gives off that citrusy sweet smell and the orange blossom has its petals blown in the air, swirling with the wind and settling serenely by the waters, creating peach blanket of leaves in the lakes.

Soon, he hears faint footsteps in a steady pace, crackling with the dried twigs and luscious grasses around. He wonders who could be coming hear at the time of the night. No one hangs out here even in the day except him and he left Ji Mong asleep in the sky tower a while ago. He slowly comes above the side of his boat, careful to not make a sound, trusting the darkness to hide him well.

From the side of the lake, he spies a girl with a long mahogany hair in her white layers of sokgot, innocently carrying a lantern and stopping by the side of the water.

"Hae Soo?" So whispers to his self, "What is she doing here at the time of the night?"

So is excited to see her but is annoyed to find her at the middle of nowhere at this time of the night. A proper lady should be asleep in her room at this hour but then it's not out of Hae Soo's character to be walking at the middle of the night. She used to do that at her cousin's household all the time yet So didn't know Hae Soo had carried that behavior of hers here inside the palace. If he had known, he might have utilize that to see her every night.

"Tsk. Tsk. Tsk." So is about to sit up to let Hae Soo know that he's around when Hae Soo starts untying the ribbon on her waist, freeing her jeogori, unaware of an audience at the middle of the lake.

So immediately scuffles back to the floor of his boat, lying on his back as if caught, his heart wildly beating at his chest, "Mwo ya! What is she doing?"

Ha Jin feels as if she's coming down with a fever and needed to take a cold bath to release the heat in her body. Since the water at the Damiwon's pool is coming from a nearby hot spring, she opted for the cold water of the Donji lake instead.

She takes off her clothes one by one, starting with her belt, from her sokjeogeori to sokchima, leaving only the last out of the three layers of her pristine white sokgot. She parts her long mahogany hair into one side of her shoulder and comes to the water, testing it with her foot.

"Oh!" A delightful sound comes out of her mouth as the cold water kisses the tip of her foot. She smiles, finding the cold water refreshing. Slowly, she goes into the water, careful to not go deep since she doesn't know how to swim.

As Ha Jin alleviates her body in the cold water, So is composing himself on his boat, losing his chance of letting Hae Soo know that he's there. If he comes up now, Hae Soo would definitely think he's spying on her. He flattens his back on the floor, uncomfortable of the heat that started on his ears and is pooling down on his thighs. He tries not to imagine what Hae Soo is doing by the water but the last scene he accidentally saw her of losening her seokjeogeori and revealing the skin above her chest band is not helping. He couldn't help but wonder what would it feel like to let his lips glide down in that supple skin.

"She's going to be the death of me." So closes his eyes and gulps, trying to relax on his boat and failing miserably.


The morning assembly at the Hoegyong Hall yields no better result for Mu and So. To Gen. Park's intuition, the king is definitely not happy of the on-going unrest in the north. Wook and Yo's taunting are not helping either. Mu and So are use to Yo's snarky remarks but it is more annoying when Wook joins the fray, outwardly reassuring but inciting in the inside.

By the afternoon, Mu is too angry to come and relax with So. He bids So goodbye, planning to spend some time with his kids whom he haven't seen for a while. So turns to the direction of the Damiwon, hoping to steal some minutes with Hae Soo.

Won stands by the corridor, waiting for So to pass alone. When he sees him, he bows and greets him politely, "Hyungnim."

"Won-i, what's brings you here?" So wasn't expecting his 9th brother at all. They seldom talk even in family gatherings.

Looking around, Won makes sure no one is lurking, "I have something to show you…"

He takes out an inventory book that he was hiding behind his back, "The tea farmers from the south is in the middle of protesting for the tax they are paying. Apparently The Naju Oh clan (Mu's clan) imposes a 7% tax to them when our seja good naturedly passed only a 4% tax in the court. There might be some misunderstandings going on but here's the inventory book that list the taxes the Naju Oh clan had been remitting to the treasury office. You might want to look."

Won hands the book to So, "It clearly states that the Naju Oh clan is only remitting 4% of the tax. Our 8th brother is wondering if he should bring it up in the court. I'm giving you a heads-up because I trust that the seja is true to his words and that there's just a little misunderstanding between his policy and his clan."

Careful to keep the deceit out of his voice, Won smiles at So as if they are close.

But since Guen Sun told So that Chae Ryung had betrayed him to his 9th brother, So never forgets to put his guard-up when dealing with his 9th brother, "I'll take at look at it Won-i. Kamsahabnida for trusting me with this."

"Well, that's what brothers are for." Won claps So's back, "Ah hyungnim, when are you leaving again? Shall we have a drink? I realized we've never shared a drink outside family gatherings. It would be nice to hang out sometimes, don't you think so?"

So nods, giving a polite smile, "Maybe after we come back. I'm a little pressed for time."

"Araseo, I'll keep your word then." Won says his goodbye, walking on a different direction with a pretentious smile of his face.

So looks at the books in his hand, exhausted and wary. There's too much secrets and lies around him and he's starting to doubt everyone.


The afternoon sun casts a glaring sunlight over the windows of the Damiwon's library. The white curtain softens the sun's glare as it plays coolly by the windows.

So is absentmindedly browsing over the books, walking the distance of the wide shelves from end to end. On a normal circumstances, he'd rather not hang-out inside the library but Baek-Ah told him, this is where Hae Soo spends her afternoon, studying for her up-coming exams.

Half an hour later, Ha Jin comes in, dressed in her green hanbok uniform for gungnyeo(s). Her hair neatly tied in a bun with a shell for dwikkoji, unaware of So's presence. He arrived two days earlier than the date Hae Soo is expecting of him and Baek-Ah forgot to mention it to her this morning.

So watches her from the spaces of the books crowding the shelf where he is standing, remembering what he saw last night. He prefers her hair to be cascading neatly behind her back, imagining its citrusy smell teasing his nostrils. Silently, he walks towards her, reaching her as she struggles to pull a book on the highest tier of the third shelf from the door.

"Soo-ya." He calls, reaching the book for her. He stands an inch from her back, almost touching.

"Kkam-jjak-ya!" Ha Jin jumps on her feet as she sees a hand coming out of nowhere. She turns and finds herself trap between So's towering form and the shelf, "So wangjanim?"

"Ne?" His voice full of desire. He forgets reaching for the book and braces his hand on the tier beside Hae Soo's face, while the other rest on the space in between her arm and her waist, still not touching, "Pogo sipda."

Ha Jin couldn't remember the last time So held her. It's been months and they only saw each other from a far. She had forgotten, So could literally take her breathe away by his intense gaze.

"Na… do. (Me… too.)" Her voice breaks, looking up and meeting his unfocused eyes. "When…when di…did you arrive?"

Ha Jin steadies her hands on the tier behind her, wanting to touch So but holds back, drowning at the crackling intensity of the atmosphere around them.

"Yesterday… Soo-ya…" So gulps, the scene last night still playing on his head.

"Ne?" Ha Jin tilts her chin up, expecting.

"Can I have a taste of my tea?" Against the tide of his craving, So doesn't forget to ask for permission.

Ha Jin clasps him by the collar of his jeogori, pulling him down and meeting his hungry lips with hers, having her eyes flutter to a close, "Ne."

So tugs at her waist while his other hand takes Hae Soo's wrist and holds it above her head, against the wooden tier of the shelf. He advances at her, leaving no gap in between them. He kisses her with hunger coursing in his throat, insatiable for the supple skin that left him sleepless last night.

He breathes her in, tasting the tea she had drunk after lunch. His tongue darts in the insides of her mouth, dancing with her.

And Ha Jin feels the last of her breathe leaving her and breaks the kiss to come up for air.

So lets his lips nuzzle along her jawline, continuing with his delightful exploration of her white skin, stopping to nibble on the soft, fleshy lobe of her ear, tickling her.

"Soo-ya…"

"Hmmmmm….?"

He lets go of her hand only to tilt her chin slightly higher, descending further in her neck, sucking when he reached her clavicle. She tastes of those citrusy soaps she always use.

"You can tell me to stop…" So murmurs, praying that she won't.

Ha Jin can feel the cravings in So getting dangerously out of line. His other hand on her waist is tipping lower to her hips and coming back up underneath her jeogeori before encircling it in her back.

"St..stop..pp..?"

It was an unsure question.

So abruptly stops, coming up to meet her gaze but her eyes are still tightly close, trapped inside the whirling charge emotions he pulled her into, "Look at me Soo-ya."

Ha Jin isn't ready to open her eyes and leave their luscious bubble but she opens it on his command.

As he arcs her body to him and she holds by his chest, his other hand on her neck moves to her goreum (the ribbon keeping the jeogori overlapped with each other), getting a hold of it and seeking permission to untie, "May I?"

Ha Jin momentarily hesitates, pondering how far are they going to take this today. Her heart wildly jumps on her chest and she's afraid it's too much of a give-away.

So begins in her lips again, sucking at his favorite lower lip.

"We…we're… in the… library…"

"And no one's around." So answers breathely, decidedly untying her goreum but it doesn't do much as her silk belt holds her jeogeori together.

Against the soft skin in her neck, So smiles exasperatedly, wanting to take off the cloth that is keeping him out of her skin. Ha Jin tangles her fingers on his hair, enjoying the goose bumps he's giving her and racing to catch her breathe.

So dips his lips further down her clavicle, seeking entrances on her loosely tied jeogeori, dangerously at the edge of her thin sokjeogeori.

The door of the library suddenly opens and in came Eun, arguing with Baek-Ah,

"I told you, I don't want to use our clan's library. I want to read here!"

Baek-Ah struggles to pull Eun out, covering his eyes.

Ha Jin and So freeze, their stance in different stage of disarray. So releases Hae Soo against his will.

They were in the third row of bookshelves and Hae Soo's back is to the door. It's a little farther from the door but Baek-Ah can still see a little of them through the many disarranged books. So signals to Baek-Ah to take Eun away, threatening to kill him for walking in on them. Ha Jin pulls at the hem of her jeogori, quickly putting her clothes in order, mentally cursing at So, their bubble, busted. She covers her face with her hands, embarrassed.

As soon as Baek-Ah takes Eun out, So apologizes amused, "Mianhada Soo-ya."

She pushes him away, "You don't look sorry."

"Of course not," So smugly smiles, "I love having my tea."

He pulls at her arms, steadying her to whisper in her ear, "Shall we do it somewhere private next time."

Ha Jin smiles sweetly, looking every bit annoyed, "There won't be a next time."

She takes her arm from his hold, walking away.

"Ay wae?" So throws a tantrum, re-arranging his ponytail yet his hair is still sticking out in every direction.

She sits by one of the chairs in the table and So takes the one beside her, facing her. She looks at his disarrange hair and amusedly smile, taking pity at it. She stands up once more stepping closer to his personal space and So anticipates, his hands itching to touch her waist,

"Wa…wae?... are we starting again?"

Ha Jin giggles blushingly, "Aniyo."

She reaches to touch his hair and pulls at his ponytail, freeing his hair. She laces her hands on it and softly strokes from his scalp to the tips of his hair, relaxing him. So automatically lets his eyes flutter to a close, feeling her careful hands massaging his head. This touch lacks the charge of the ones that they just had but full of tenderness that he misses too. He quietly lets her work on him, regressing to a kid yearning for a mother's care.

"My mother is asking to meet you by the way." Ha Jin tells him, matching his subdued mood.

And So opens his eyes, "Jinjja? You finally told them about us?"

Ha Jin nods, "Kuende, she also wants to meet your mother, Lady Shinjuwon."

So tenses, looking for an excuse, "Do they have to? My mother is living in the north at the moment, it would take a long time to come here."

"Then, shall we have them meet after I complete my apprenticeship and we leave for the north?" Clueless, Ha Jin suggests, "My parents say, they want me to live with them for a while."

"You're going to live in the north? You forgot to tell me this." So is surprise, he thought Hae Soo doesn't want to leave the capital, at least that's what she heard her saying to Baek-Ah.

Living in the north puts Hae Soo in an arm's reach of his adoptive mother and he would be trap here in the palace, taking care of the Kang's chancellery seat and probably working to get the throne.

"Just for the time being, before I…I get married." Ha Jin purse's her lips, "My unnie's household would be given to Wook wangjanim so I wouldn't be able to live there anymore, though I think Wook wangjanim is generous enough and would let me stay if I ask."

"Andwaeyo, You can't live in my 8th brother's household alone." Worry creases in So's forehead. "Let me think about it some more and I'll figure it out."

He pulls her closer, in between his legs, his arms tightly around her waist, resting his chin upon her stomach to look at her, "Soo-ya…"

The fear of the unknown future creeping up his spine, "Saranghanda, cheongmal"

A soft beautiful smile appears on Ha Jin's lips, "Na do, saranghabnida."

And the words alleviate the doubts at the back of their heads.


The palace of the Kangs at Shinju is located at the base of a rocky mountain that serves to protect it on three sides, from the natural harsh wind and mounted attacks. On it's front is a vast untouched temperate broadleaf, mixed forest that is deep green on spring and summer and a combination of warm earthy pallet during fall. High brick walls, manned 24 hrs by skilled archers, draws the wide perimeter of the palace.

The first time Gen. Park's group crosses the boundary and enter the palace, they were in awe of the beauty of the place. It feels more of a rest house in the middle of the mountains rather than in impregnable fortress. Gen. Park, Mu and Jung alight their horses relaxed inside the gate while several of their soldiers stay outside. All around them birds flew low on the rooftop of quarters and only the crooning of the insects can be heard.

So positions himself in front of his group, holding them back. Against his warnings, they all accepted Lady Shinjuwon's invitation. So rode here, to solve the matter of Lady Sewon's request of meeting his mother and the rest of his company came for the help, Lady Shinjuwon is offering.

As Jung steps further into the courtyard, So pulls him back in time to avoid the speeding black poisonous arrow coming his way.

Crack.

It embeds it's self on the ground.

So comes in front of Jung, hiding his brother behind his back. The group forms an automatic formation around the seja to protect him. The relax atmosphere easily turning into a tense one.

From the distance, they see two lone figures slowly taking their time to come to them, as if strolling in the park.

It would take a long stretched of tensed minutes before Lady Shinjuwon reach them with Geun Sun signaling to their soldiers up in the brick walls to stand down.

So observes the glint of madness is missing in his adoptive mother's eyes, meaning she's lucid today.

"Joeseonghabnida wangsejanim, I hope my soldiers didn't frighten you well." Lady Shinjuwon graciously bows and greets her visitors, "We didn't know you were coming. We never received a letter as an answer."

Gen. Park stands down, lowering his sword with everyone, while the tip of his mouth twitch into a sarcastic smile, "Joesonghabnida your grace. It seemed our messenger didn't reached you, it was kind of you to invite us and cruel of us to take months before replying. You see, we were a little busy with the unrest."

"It's nothing Gen. Park." Lady Shinuwon turns to the 14th prince, "And who is this boy, standing beside my dear son? I believe we've never been introduced before."

She raises her eyebrows to So, meaning for him to step aside and So has no choice but to open a space for his 14th brother, tensed.

"Ah this is Jung wangjanim, 4th son of Queen Yoo from the Chungju Yu clan." Gen. Park nervously introduces Jung.

"Yie, Annyeong hashibnikka," Jung introduces himself once more, stepping in front, close to the arrow and renders a deep bow to observe the proper greeting for the royalty.

"Yie, the pleasure is all mine." Lady Shinjuwon returns the greeting, "Ah, careful my prince, the arrow is poisonous."

And Jung freezes, recognizing the black arrow that had cut his cheek once. He looks at his 4th brother, a question on his eyes. So fastens his gaze to Lady Shinjuwon, holding back his irritation.

She smiles warmly like a gracious host should be, "This is my right hand, Guen Sun. I believe you've all met him already. if you need anything, you can ask him. I hope you enjoy your stay here in my home, right my dear son?"

So doesn't answer, keeping his eyes away from his adoptive mother.

"It is kind of you to welcome us in such a short notice." Mu smiles courteously too, observing that the lady consort lacks the coldness he was expecting. If anything, the lady consort is every bit nice to them. The little commotion of arrow shooting temporarily forgotten at the lady consort's apology.

"Shall we walk to your quarters then? I'm sure you're all tired. Dinner we'll be served by sun down." Lady Shinjuwon gracefully walks beside Jung, "Do you mind if this old lady borrows your arm for a support?"

"Anibnida." Jung quickly answers, embarrassed to be asked. He glances at his 4th brother once more before offering his arm to the consort, "Let me walk you then."

Lady Shinjuwon hooks her hand on Jung's arm, smiling at So.

It takes all of So's self-control to not whisk his brother away from Lady Shinjuwon's grasp, cursing on his head. He walks behind them, watching carefully. Guen Sun matches his pace, walking beside him quietly.

Soon they reach the guest quarters and they were deposited on each small hanok, beside each other with Jung being given the quarters next to where So resides before. As Jung, Mu and Gen. Park readies to settle at their own quarters, Jung observes his 4th brother still standing with Geun Sun and Lady Shinjuwon at the shared courtyard of the small hanoks.

"Where will my 4th brother reside?" Jung asks, curious.

So stills, not knowing what to answer. It's been a while since he was home and even then, he stopped using his quarters after his father's spy, his only friend, were hanged and left to rot in it as a punishment for him. The body was long been removed and his place cleaned but the smell of it and the trauma of seeing the body never left him so he never used his room again.

"The 4th prince quarters is the one at your left." Guen Sun answers for So.

"Kuereom, since everyone has seen their quarters, I hope you have a restful afternoon. We shall send servants to fetch you for dinner." Lady Shinjuwon smiles warmly, bowing and taking leave with Guen Sun, "So-ya, my dear son, take a walk with your mother."

She hooks her uninvited hand to his arm and So walks away with the two. The tightness in his eyes the only indication of the action being against his will.

Jung watches them leave. He doesn't know why but his heart is nervously hammering at his chest, worried for his 4th brother who haven't said a word since Lady Shinjuwon appeared.


Footnotes:

1 Book of Sui, Vol 81.


Editor's note:

Hello, the matter of a fallen clan and characters dying will hopefully be dealt with next chapter. Mianhaeyo, I was going to continue with the secret of the Kang household being revealed to one of So's brother but it's 32 pages long already. It's the longest chapter so far. I guess every new chapter is the longest. Lol. I had to cut somewhere. :)

Enjoy reading!