Samehada had been a part of this world for centuries. First crafted by a travelling artisan, it had been but a piece of sharpened metal. Slowly, as the years went on and the sword was handed through generations of eccentric experimenters, Samehada gained flesh, scales, a handle of gold and lastly– roots of the chakra tree.

An unprecedented occurrence as it was–to add the essence of the tree that made the nine beasts–Samehada ended up gaining sentience.

Initially, it was basic instincts of self-preservation and hunger and thirst (for chakra) that gave Samehada the title of a 'living being' but the more the sword ate the chakra of humans, it, too, gained humanity itself.

So when Samehada licked and tasted Naruto Uzumaki's chakra, for the first time, it experienced another crucial aspect most humans do: attraction.

Samehada was completely, doubtlessly, hopelessly attracted to Naruto's chakra.

It tasted of lemons and honey and all things fresh and sweet with just the lightest touches of tanginess. It was a gastronomical masterpiece. Just a lick of it had Samehada foodgasming all over the place.

So when Zabuza wanted it to sap all of Naruto's chakra to the point of fatality, Samehada shook its scaly head vigorously. Because having a full stomach of that chakra right now and then getting none of it ever again was a painful thought.

In the end, it wasn't even a difficult decision.

Samehada betrayed Zabuza.

It ate all the rogue nin's chakra and bonded with Naruto while the boy was asleep (it's that one-eyed sensei's fault for keeping it with them as winner's loot).

After three months of freaking out and subsequent process of coming to terms, Naruto was more or less used to Samehada's creepy presence beside him.

Besides, the sword could talk and it was pretty funny when it wasn't describing its immense love for Naruto's chakra in extreme detail.

They became the oddest pair of friends in all of the elemental nations.

Theirs was a symbiotic relationship. Samehada got to consume the tastiest chakra and Naruto used the sword's ever-bloated form as more of a shield than a sword in all his fights.

The war did nothing to damage their friendship, instead it brought them closer. Many a times, Samehada would transfer back Naruto's stored up chakra in times of peril and even more times would Naruto protect the sword from total annihilation via stray bijuu bombs.

When exactly did the platonic love blossom into the romantic kind – no one could tell but apparently, Shino Aburame had predicted this series of events the moment Naruto started saying 'Samehada' twice as much as he said 'Sasuke' in a sentence.

It took a lot of struggle, council assemblies, breaking of stereotypes and rewriting society's perception of love, but Naruto, with his hand clasped around Samehada, did the impossible.

He made human-weapon marriages legal in Konoha.

Hinata was heartbroken till she realised she actually dodged a bullet (yes, she was weaponophobic).

Sakura was happy. She shipped Naruhada the hardest.

Sasuke never returned to Konoha after this news reached him on his travels.

Kiba never looked at sharks the same way again.

Tenten was given an increased number of wary looks from all of Konoha thereafter.

Chouji attended the wedding just for the free food.

Shikamaru contemplated his life for two hours before giving up the entire matter as too troublesome to deal with.

Ino laughed her ass off for the rest of eternity.

Lee, even though he didn't understand what was happening, attended the reception and hugged Samehada to death (Naruto had him thrown out; he was apparently a very possessive groom).

Neji thanked his lucky stars that he died before he had to suffer through that bullshit.

Shino was seen collecting notes upon notes of hundred ryo just by the entrance gate.

The wedding was solidified with a couple's kiss. Half of the attendees barfed while it happened – but Samehada and Naruto paid them no mind.

Ten years later, somehow, Naruto still became the Hokage. Kakashi was against it but as he would've been labelled anti-weasponsexual, he kept a lid on his mouth and passed on the hat.

This is the story of how, with Samehada by his side, Naruto Uzumaki had his happily ever after.

(... until he realised he couldn't exactly fuck a sword)

(...at least not with the poor creativity that he possessed)


anyone who ships these two unironically, you have my respect buddy.

peace out.

team naruhada forever.

(i'm sorry.)