"I can do this, I lied to myself feebly. No one was going to bite me."
― Stephenie Meyer, Twilight
Forks, Washington. My version of heaven and everyone else's version of hell. Stashed away in one of America's rainiest states, it sits with a whopping population of…1000? 3000? By far the smallest and gloomiest town I've ever been in. But that's good. Fewer people equals fewer possible victims, and less sun equals a lower risk of sparkling like a glittery fucking glue stick in front of humanity. The Volturi wouldn't like that. Not that I give a shit what they like.
Since the day I turned, life has been louder, crisper, and brighter. It was overwhelming at first, to hear conversations across the street, to smell a drop of blood two blocks away. But these new skills are nuances compared to the hunger that comes with them. It starts in the back of my throat, like an unexpected punch of spice. It's smothering, almost unbearable, and unlike anything I have ever experienced. Shamefully, I have killed because of it. For it. But that was past Maya. That was me before I understood how to control it.
On a rare occasion, a vampire can be "born" with a unique power. It's said that the gift is a reflection of one's strongest characteristic. Apparently, my strongest characteristic is self-desensitization because I can soften all my senses; muffle my ears, blur my eyes, and numb my tastebuds. But most importantly, I can ease my hunger. I can't feel the burning ache of hunger if I can't feel anything at all.
My senses don't lose too much quality when I lean on my gift now that I don't need to rely on it as heavily. To human standards, I'd still rank among the best in every category. Unfortunately, the weakened state makes me vulnerable as a vampire, against others of my kind, but it's worth doing to prevent the killing of innocent people. Leana, my creator, always said that being a vampire does not have to mean being dangerous. It does not turn one into a killer…aside from the weekly rabbits or deer. I like to think that I can live as she did. As she'd want me to.
Sitting up on the motel mattress, I peer at the dusty alarm clock stationed next to the bed. 3:15 am. Only a few more hours before my new life as a junior at Forks High School begins. I didn't think this was a good idea, planting myself into human society after only two years of being...changed, and I still don't, but Leana believed I was ready enough to set this up before she passed and I will not disappoint her.
I rub my eyes and try to distract myself from the obnoxious squeaking and moaning streaming in from the neighboring rooms. It's times like this that I wish I could sleep. Life has too many tragic and awkward moments to escape from. But apart from the constant free porn, I miss dreaming. My dreams were always more exciting than my actual life. And sometimes they'd let me see those I love. Like my father.
Before he was murdered, my father was my rock. I trusted him more than I trusted myself. It was just him and I braving the world together after my mother left. Everything I needed to know about the world, how to live my life, I learned from him. Well, everything aside from the existence of vampires…or how to live without him. Crucial things that I wish he could talk me through right now.
Before I turned, the only times I didn't have to miss him were when he appeared in my dreams. He'd sing to me while playing his old acoustic guitar, dance with me in the middle of my bedroom, and I even dreamed of him attending my high school graduation. The one I missed. Now, I never see him. And I never hear him. And I never feel him. Now, I get to miss him all the time.
The hours crawl by until it's finally 7 am. I need to leave by seven-forty I want to make it to school for eight. Of course, if I were running there, I wouldn't need to leave nearly as early, but I have to do everything I can to fit in properly, so an old Subaru it is.
I climb out of the bed and glance out of the window. No sun. Perfect. I grab undergarments, a long sleeve sweater, and a pair of dark blue jeans from my suitcase and head to the bathroom. I try not to think of all the likely germs swimming around me as I undress and step into the shower.
As I finish, I reach for a towel and wrap it around my body before standing in front of the mirror. Due to the lack of condensation on it, I'm guessing I wasn't in there long. I always thought that I'd have to get used to being fast. I imagined tripping over my speeding body, struggling to control my walk in public. But for the most part, it's more like I'm struggling to get used to not being slow. I'm more efficient and sometimes that feels wrong.
I examine my reflection, taking in the shockingly pale skin and honey brown eyes with familiarity. I should really invest in some bronzer. When I first turned, I attempted to wear eye contacts to normalize my eye color, but within a few hours, they'd dissolve. I was fully prepared to change them every few hours before Leana convinced me to save the money. She said that no one will notice my eyes, and if they do, they'll naturally accept them as a shade of brown. I haven't had a problem yet, but there's always today.
I grab my black backpack and sling it over my shoulders. Snatching my room key from the nightstand, I slip it into my pocket along with my phone. I walk out of the motel with a relieving shiver, being quick to turn around and lock the door. I may not have much, but if someone stole anything of mine, I'd kill them.
The rain is heavy but slow. It's odd not needing a jacket in this type of weather anymore. Since my body is cold, I'm not affected by it. Sometimes I miss the comfort of wearing one, but when I put one on, I just feel like an imposter. With a sigh, I walk to my car and climb in. My first stop is the front office to get my schedule. I can do this.
The drive drags, as it should, considering the speed limit is 35. I notice that very few cars are on the road today. Is no one going to school? Work? I glance in my rearview mirror but only see an empty road stretched out behind me. It feels like a ghost town. I love it. I drive for another few miles until a school pops up in front of me, along with the dozens of maneuvering cars I was expecting. The smell of blood flares my nostrils as I pull into the parking lot. Hundreds of heartbeats drum in my ears. I start to slow down, fear crawling up my spine. So many voices, so much breathing. The all too familiar ache begins in the back of my throat, gentle at first before a pang of pain shoots through the roof of my mouth to my teeth. Against my own will, I drive through the lot, passing by groups of staring students as I make my way to the front office parking lot. I'm sure I can't park here, but for now, it'll do. I shut my car off in a front spot and close my eyes. I take a deep breath, more out of habit than need, and ease the hunger.
"It's okay," I whisper. "It's okay."
I open my eyes, immediately noticing the slight fuzziness of the brick building in front of me and the tingling in my gums. I shrug these off as I open the door. I just need a minute to adjust. I climb out of the car and shut the door. As I hit the lock button and head for the office entrance, I feel a pair of eyes on me. I still haven't gotten used to the attention being a vampire has brought me, but I do my best to ignore it.
The office is small, split in half by a long tan desk. A red-haired lady sits behind the desk, watching me curiously.
"Hello," I smile softly. "My name is Maya Shieldon. I'm new and I'm here to pick up my schedule."
"Oh yes," she recognizes warmly. "I have it right here," She grabs a piece of paper from one of her hundred vanilla folders and hands it to me. "I can tell you the best paths to take to get to each course." I look down, scanning my classes. English, Art, Algebra, Spanish, American History, Biology 2, and Creative writing. I smile. I love writing.
For the next few minutes, she teaches me where to go from each class to the next, also providing a few different ways to find the lunchroom. When she finishes, she looks up at me with slight confusion.
"Is something wrong?" I ask.
"Oh no, there isn't!" she brushes off. "I'm just surprised you don't have gym. It's typically required every year." She eyes me patiently, waiting for some kind of explanation.
"Oh," I say quietly, racking my brain for something more to give. "I got exempt from it. I have severe asthma and my doctor suggested I exercise on my own rather than in a class." I offer her an embarrassed smile and she nods kindly, satisfied with my answer.
"Alright. I'll need you to get a signature from each of your teachers to show that you went to the right place," she says as she hands me a print list of blank lines. "At the end of the day, return it here and you'll be all set."
"Okay, thank you," I smile.
Being careful to maintain a human pace, I reach my car and slide in. Eventually finding a spot a few rows away from the school, I repark and swing my door open. As I do, I become aware of all the eyes on me again. Even in the rain people are standing by their cars, gawking and gossiping. Whose that? Whoa, she's hot. Is she part of the Cullens? I awkwardly smile at students as I close my door and walk by them, heading straight for my first classroom in building 3. As I enter the narrow hallway, it feels more claustrophobic and smells more bloody than I was expecting. It's nothing I can't handle, but just to be safe, I weaken my senses again. I casually brush by students, finding my classroom quite easily. I step into the room, finding it half empty. A man stands behind a desk in the front of the room, writing the word Macbeth on the whiteboard. He must be Mr. Mason.
"Excuse me," I call as I walk up to his desk. He turns around with a soft sigh, before raising his eyebrows at me expectantly. "My name is Maya Shieldon. I'm new to your class. I need your signature."
"Ah, yes," he grumbles as he grabs a pen off his desk. I hand him the correct paper and he drops it onto his desk, bending to scribble his name. Without another word, he hands it back to me and turns away. Nodding awkwardly, I turn and make my way to the back of the classroom, claiming an empty seat only a few away from a pretty blonde and her friends. They watch me with curiosity but don't introduce themselves. I lean back and stare outside a window at the faded pavement. Is there any type of field around here or is it all a parking lot? My ears perk at the mention of my name, but I don't turn my head
"Do you know who she is?" one of the girls whispers.
"No, I think she's new." another one answers.
"Is she part of the Cullen family?" the last one asks.
I sneak a peek and find the blonde still talking. "She looks like it. Why is their skin so pale? Where does their dad even find them?" Her voice is high-pitched and sweet, like the stereotypical voice of a cheerleader.
"He is the same way," the short, black bobbed girl comments beside her. Her voice is heavy and full, but gentle. "Maybe they're from another country."
"Where, Kristin? Antarctica?" The last girl in the group laughs. Her voice is light but raspy as if she has a cold. She twirls her honey-brown hair in her fingers as she not-so-subtly stares at me.
"Antarctica isn't a country, Missy," Kristin says rolling her eyes. "How did you ever pass geography?" There's a silence between them and I crack a smile. I used to have friends like that. Sometimes I miss the bickering.
I play their discussion over again in my head, stopping at the mention of the Cullen family. That's the second time I've heard that name today, both times being associated with me. Who are they? Why do people assume I'm part of them? More students start piling in and I turn my head, meeting the eyes of an oily skinned, black-haired boy heading my way. Suddenly I realize I might be in his seat. He gives me an awkward nod as he slips into the seat beside me.
"Hey, sorry, is this your seat?" I ask apologetically and reach for my bag.
"Yeah, but you're fine!" he assures energetically. "This seat is unclaimed, so I don't mind moving." I let go of my bag and laugh.
"Okay, sorry."
"You're Maya, right?" he asks, as he leans towards me in a friendly but slightly overbearing manner. "I'm Eric."
"Ah, yeah I am," I reply softly as I find my eyes on his neck. He must have run here. His heart is pounding. I look away briefly, clearing my throat in an attempt to itch my throat. I turn back to him and force a smile. "How do you know my name?"
"Oh, I heard some people talking about you," he says casually. "All good things!" Good things? Like how 'hot' I am? I resist the urge to roll my eyes as he continues to talk.
"So Maya, where are you from?"
"Ah, all over the place," I answer vaguely. "I move around a lot."
"Oh," he nods, a little too enthusiastically. "I've lived in Forks my whole life. Are you enjoying it? You know, I can show you around sometime if you'd like."
As I open my mouth, Mr. Mason calls for the class' attention and I take the opportunity not to answer. I look to the front of the room, feeling Eric's eyes still glued to me. As the teacher begins to explain what we'll be doing today, Eric slowly peels his eyes away, only stealing glimpses at me when Mr. Mason pauses. The class goes by slowly as the class discusses the hidden symbolism in Macbeth. I so badly want to contribute, like I often did in class back home, but I haven't read the play. Tonight, I'll read it. All of it. Soon the bell rings and everyone jumps out of their seats, eager to leave. I stand up and grab my bag, throwing it over my shoulder.
"What's your next class?" Eric asks, brushing against my shoulder. I tense up but he doesn't notice.
"Art," I respond calmly. "What about you?" He looks at my schedule with a frown.
"Gym," he sighs. "We have no other classes together. You don't even have gym. How'd you manage that?"
"I got lucky," I say quickly as I fold up my schedule. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow then?"
"I-I can show you to your next class," he offers. "It's not that far away from mine."
"Is it with Mrs. Trinaldi?" a familiar voice asks. I look over to see the blonde girl from earlier standing in the doorway. She looks uncomfortable but intrigued.
"Yeah, it is," I answer. "Is it near here?"
"It's my next class, I'll show you," she offers. I jump at the escape, muttering a quick goodbye to a disappointed Eric.
I follow her through a few hallways until we're outside in the sprinkling rain. We cross a small patch of grass before entering a new side of the building.
"I like to walk outside more than the hallways. They're so narrow."
"I'm not complaining." I smile.
"My name is Felicity, by the way," she says as we approach two double doors. We stop and turn towards each other.
"I'm Maya." I reply, assuming she probably knows that by now.
She nods before turning away and entering the room. I follow, watching as she makes her way to a table in the front, fully occupied. I search for the emptiest table, finding it in the middle of the right row of tables. I make my way over to it, sitting in a seat across from another blonde girl and a brown-haired male. They both avoid eye contact with me and say nothing. I welcome the silence and comply.
Trig and Spanish flew by quicker than I anticipated. Though everyone seemed to avoid me, I met a girl who seems promising. If I remember correctly, her name is Jessica, and right now I am following her to the lunchroom.
"All I'm saying is that when someone has to go to the bathroom, it shouldn't matter whether they can ask in Spanish or not." I can't help but smile at her mouse-like voice and 5'2 stance.
"Yeah, you should just be able to go, in my opinion," I agree as we enter the lunchroom. Considering the small size of the school, I didn't expect the room to be quite so big. I follow her in line and grab an apple for lunch.
"Exactly," she exasperates. "They don't need to know where we are 24/7. It's not like I'm going to smoke in the bathroom."
"Some students would, though," I comment. She leads me to a table of five people, Eric included. His eyes light up when he sees me.
"Maya!" he beams as I take a seat between Jessica and a black-haired girl.
"Hi, Eric." I smile.
"Everyone, this is Maya," Jessica explains. A choir of hellos hit me and if I could, I'd blush. I nod to them in acknowledgment before turning to the unknown girl next to me.
"I'm Angela," she smiles.
"And I'm Tyler." the guy says behind her.
"Hey, nice to meet you," a guy welcomes. "I'm Mike."
I turn to see a hand stretched out across Jessica for me. I look up and meet the blue eyes of a blonde jock. He smiles at me, a little too friendly. I notice the slight annoyance on Jessica's face at his interest. Pretending to get ready to bite my apple, I send him a little hello. He retracts his arm awkwardly but doesn't get discouraged.
"So, Maya, what brings you to our part of the world?" he asks. Oh, nothing. Just avoiding the sun so I'm not discovered and torched.
"I like the rain." I answer simply.
"Oh," he says thoughtfully. "Well, then you certainly came to the right place." He laughs and Jessica, as if on cue, laughs too.
"Oh, the Cullens are here." she observes.
I follow her eyes to a row of windows across the room. Outside, a small line of people is approaching. No, not people, vampires. My body goes rigid as I watch each one of them-as if in pairs, enter the room, along with their sweet vampiric scent. The first pair is a beautiful blonde and a short-haired, stocky guy. They walk with their hands tangled, making no eye contact with anyone. The next pair is a tall dirty blonde male, who though has handsome features, is the embodiment of pain. I know that pain. Hugging him closely is a petite girl with a dark pixie cut. She stares up at him lovingly as they settle down at a table with the others. Lastly, a tall, attractive guy walks in alone, with tousled reddish-brown hair and a cautious frown. He strides over to the table and sits beside the pixie girl. He seems focused on something. Frustrated.
I didn't realize there are vampires here already, but it makes sense. It's one of the cloudiest towns in the country, it's like a safe haven for us. I sit and stare, unsure what to do. Should I ignore them? Should I say hi? What if they're like a pack and try to initiate me? I'm not looking for a cult right now.
Suddenly he looks up, his eyes full of suspicion. I look away, rolling my apple around in my hands for distraction.
"Edward Cullen is staring at you!" Jessica gasps while nudging me softly.
"Edward?" I repeat, trying to keep my voice level. "Is that the reddish-brown-haired one?"
"Yeah," she replies. "He's the youngest. He's in our grade, along with the girl next to him, Alice. Alice walked in with Jasper who is a year older and is biologically Rosalie-the blonde girl-'s brother. Next to Rosalie is Emmett, her boyfriend. They're all like a family...but they're together."
"Like dating?" I ask. "Or adopted?"
"Both," Jessica says. Her tone is slightly judgemental, but not condemning. I nod slowly with a fake thoughtful look as if I don't understand their situation. Clearly, they're all dating and pretending to be a family in front of humans. But I'm not going to tattle. "He's still looking."
"Well, he can stop," I reply cooly, speaking loud enough for him to hear. "What else can you tell me about them?"
"Not much. They keep to themselves mostly. Alice is the most social one. She's really nice but odd. Rosalie seems vain. They all kind of act like they're better than us."
"Maybe they're just socially awkward," Angela cuts in. "Maybe they move around a lot and don't see the point in making friends." I share a smile with Angela as Jessica shrugs.
"Maybe, but either way, they come off cold." she comments. I feel the corner of a lip twitch as I try not to chuckle. Cold. If only she knew how funny that actually is.
"Maya," I hear Eric start.
I look over to see him reaching over the table for my arm. I snatch it back quickly. Before I know it, my apple is crashing to the floor, bouncing to the other side of the cafeteria toward the Cullens. I watch it in horror as it stops just a few inches from Edward. They all turn and look at me. He bends down and picks it up, holding it up for me to see.
"You need to be more careful." I hear. I meet his eyes again. It was him.
"Are you going to go get it?" Jessica asks.
"I'll get it." Mike offers, jumping up.
"No," I say. "I'll go get it."
"Are you sure?" he frowns. "I really don't mind. I can't imagine you'd want to go over there." He says it as a question as if he's testing my interest in the Cullens. I awkwardly motion him down and turn around. I make my way over to the table, with Edward and Alice especially watching my every move. As I approach them, Alice bounces out of her chair, popping up right beside me.
"Hello!" She says excitedly. "It's a pleasure to meet you."
"Alice," Edward warns. The little pixie rolls her eyes and rests a hand on my shoulder. Suddenly, I feel panic. The last time a vampire touched me, I had to kill them. Jasper's head shoots up, analyzing me. Soon, I'm overcome with a wave of ease. He has a gift, I realize. He's manipulating me. I stare into his eyes, ready to chew him out about consent when I find them concerned and sincere. I bite my tongue. "We want to know what your purpose is here." Edward states. I return my gaze to him and scrunch my face.
"My purpose?" I repeat.
"We don't mean to be rude," Alice jumps in. "We just, well it's rare for us to come in contact with other vampires, especially in a school, so we're shocked. We want to know what brings you to Forks High School, or Forks in general."
"Well I think it's pretty obvious," I say a bit standoffish. "It's almost always cloudy here. It's a safe place for us," I make eye contact with Rosalie for a moment and I stutter under her scrutiny. "Isn't that why you guys are here?"
"Yes," Alice beams. "How long have you been in town?" I glance around the lunchroom, fully aware of all the eyes on us. Alice grins at the attention but I feel myself shrink.
"I should really get back to my table." I comment, reaching for the apple in Edward's hand.
"The table of humans," he observes, pulling it away. "Do you think that's such a good idea?"
"I can control myself," I reply. "Plus, it's important to fit in, right?"
"Why don't you sit with us?" Alice asks softly. "You might be seen as odd but you won't be putting anyone, including yourself and us, at risk."
"I'm not going to hurt anyone." I defend.
"It's not about hurting someone," Rosalie barks quietly. She peers at me with growing anger. "It's about the risk of getting found out. If you hang around humans that closely for too long, they'll start to suspect you. They'll realize you don't eat, go out in the sunlight, or even breathe. If you get caught, it could expose us. We'd have to move or even go into hiding. You could ruin everything."
"Listen, if I'm an issue, I can just leave. I'll find another town-"
"No!" Alice gasps, letting go of me. "You're supposed to stay. You came here for a reason. It wasn't just to run off. All we want is for you to be careful and to be friends." I glance over all of them, everyone staring at me in silence except Rosalie. She's looking off into the distance with annoyance. I look back to a hopeful Alice grinning ear to ear.
"Look, I'm not looking to join a pack." I start.
"We aren't a pack," Alice interrupts. "We're a family." She looks around the table with gratitude as I snort.
"I've heard that before," I explain. "I think they say the same thing in gangs."
"We really are," she says gently. "And we would be more than happy to-" She stops talking as her face goes blank.
"Alice?" Jasper is immediately by her side, pulling her to her seat.
"Blood," she says in an urgent daze. "Someone's going to get hurt. Here, oh my god, right now." She jumps out of her daze, grabbing Jasper tightly. Edward is already out of his seat. "We need to leave." He warns. They all start rushing to the door, trying to appear ordinary while moving fast.
"Come on," Edward orders as he grabs my arm. "You shouldn't be here." Suddenly there's a big crash and the smell of fresh, spilled blood floods my nostrils. I freeze, overcome with the unbearable yearning for a feeding. Edward pulls me forward and I stumble.
"Wait," I mutter. "I'm fine." I close my eyes and target the fire in my throat in my teeth. I imagine it lighter, less prominent. It's a few moments before I open my eyes. I squint at Edward, his face noticeably blurry. I've never weakened my senses so drastically. I guess I've never needed to. I pull my arm away from him, looking at the group of students surrounding my table. Jessica. Her leg is ripped open.
"What are you doing?" Edward asks, his voice tight and cool. He stands rigid, obviously holding back his instincts.
"I'm okay," I assure him with a glance. "You go. I'm going to help Jessica." I head straight for the table, biting my tongue as the scent of blood grows stronger and sweeter. Students have their phones out, most of them asking if she needs an ambulance. I can sense Edward gone and that's when I realize I'm alone in this.
"Jessica," I call, as I push my way through the crowd. "I'll drive you to the hospital, come on." Sitting on the floor, she reaches for my hand and I pull her up. I ignore her confused expression toward my touch, which likely felt like ice to her.. She leans on me slightly as she holds her bloodied leg out.
"There's a nail sticking out of the table leg," she explains shakily. "Mike and I were goofing off and I fell back, cutting myself on it. Maya, why are you so cold?" I quickly start helping her to the door, trying to breathe normally without inhaling the scent of her blood.
"You're in shock," I say quietly. "Don't think too much."
I use a little more strength than usual to speed up our walk. If she notices, she doesn't say anything. I open the passenger door of my car and help her in. I watch as she brushes blood onto the leather seat. I didn't think this through. Her scent will remain in my car for months. I tell her to buckle up as I head to the other side of the car and climb in. Soon, I'm pulling out of the parking lot and asking Jessica for directions to the hospital. I roll down our windows and do my best to focus on the road and her voice, trying hard to keep hold of my fleeting senses before I lose them entirely and get her killed.
