CHAPTER 4

GEORGETOWN, WASHINGTON DC

10.18pm

Mulder's Ford Taurus pulled up outside Scully's apartment building just a couple of minutes behind her Chrysler. She had seen him approach in her rear-view mirror, but had decided to ignore him and instead hurried up the stone steps through the fallen leaves, hoping to put the door between them before he could catch up to her. She sensed him behind her as she fumbled for her keys, cursing at her clumsiness and the anger that had brought it on. The warm fall breeze ruffled her hair and prickled the back of her neck. Or it may have been his touch as he laid his hand on her shoulder.

'Dana,' he said softly, 'please listen to me.'

'So where is he now, huh?' She shrugged him off as she found her key and shoved it in the lock. 'This new friend of yours?'

'Why is it so hard for you to see that he's given me no choice? We both saw what happened to Skinner. Someone orchestrated the whole thing. Someone made those calls to him. Krycek doesn't have the intelligence to design anything like that himself, which means he must have been acting under orders. What if we refuse to help him now and Skinner dies?'

She spun to face him, anger still a ghost in her eyes. 'Krycek is a pathetic excuse for a human being, Mulder. You know he's a liar and a murderer who has tried to mislead you before. He will tell you anything that he thinks you want to hear. Why can't you see that?'

He sighed and raised his eyes to the sky as the uncertainty he had been ignoring touched him again. He knew she was right, but he still felt that he could control the situation as long as he held the device. And there was still Marita's warning.

'There's something I haven't told you, Dana. We know that a larger, controlling group was behind the attack on Skinner. I can't be more specific right now but I have received a warning, other than Krycek's, that his life is in danger.'

'What warning? Do you mean the phone-call tonight?'

'If you have a better explanation for what that thing he had was,' he said evasively, 'I'd love to hear it.'

'It could be an organizer for all you know. They used Navajo to encrypt documents during the war. It's not beyond their capabilities to produce an extremely authentic piece of hardware to convince you that what Krycek is telling you is the truth. They've gone to these lengths before. Did it even occur to you that maybe Krycek is the one the phone call warned you about?'

She could see from the momentary aversion of his eyes from hers that it hadn't.

'How could it?' he asked. 'Why would he come to us first? If he wanted to hurt Skinner, he could just do it like he did before.'

'You didn't leave him with that thing, did you?'

'No, of course not. I have it right here,' he said, tapping his breast pocket. 'We can get it analyzed along with Skinner's blood, if it would make you more comfortable.'

'It's not a question of making me comfortable. You are concerning me most right now. Yes, I'd like to get it looked at, but just to prove to you what they are capable of. How far they'll go. They still want to destroy you, Mulder. They are just giving you the rope so you can hang yourself.'

'I don't think they are this time. Krycek seems…different somehow.'

'He's given you nothing but hollow promises and empty words. If that thing is genuine, all it proves is that he was the one who made Skinner sick. It doesn't prove that he knows where Samantha is and the only threat to Skinner that I can see now is from him.'

'Look, if they were trying to set us up, why now? Why bother? We've done nothing to merit undue attention from anyone, and the immediate threat from the Syndicate is gone. It would make no sense. I know we have the upper hand here. We have the leverage with Krycek, the computer and Skinner. We hold all the cards. The way I see it is we have nothing to lose and everything to gain. This is what I've spent my whole life looking for, Dana. Please try to understand. We need your help.'

Disappointment shimmered in her eyes; a deep hurt that forced her to look away from him as she fought to dispel the heartache that his words cast upon her.

'All I've ever done is try to understand, Fox. Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to see them using the qualities I love most about you – your faith, your passion, your understanding and determination – against you? You trust in them so easily, but you can't trust me.'

She couldn't say anymore. She just lowered her eyes to the leaves swirling at her feet, caught in the force that was invisible but nonetheless had the power to shift and change, to gently tease her hair, or to uproot trees and destroy whole towns. He was motionless, but she could feel his pain in the heaviness of his silence.

She sighed. 'How many times have we been here? How many times do they have to do this to you? They hand you lies veiled in truths, sweeten you with promises of your sister and then snatch it all away. You are the strongest weapon they possess, and you're allowing them to continue to use you without compunction or conscience. How many times will you come to me saying this time, this time, it will be different?'

'I have been close,' he said quietly, maybe partially trying to convince himself. 'That's why they took us off the X-Files, why you got sick, why Skinner is in trouble now. What other reason would there be? Why all this death just to keep me down? I'm not arrogant enough to think that I'm that important.'

'Maybe you're not, but the continued perpetuation of the lies is. They conceal far more than the things they've allowed you to bear witness to. You said it yourself that this thing is bigger than both of us. You are so desperate to believe, so ready to listen to their lies. You're the loudest, most convincing oracle in their armory to spread their disinformation. They would do anything to make you believe, including sending Krycek here with everything you've ever wanted wrapped in a big silver bow if it served their purpose.'

His face remained dispassionate as he kept her gaze. She wished that she could see beyond the surface pain swimming there to know if he truly had heard her.

'When you first told me...how you felt about me...I thought that things would change. That we could start to plan a future together. Put the past behind us. I thought I could pull you away from the course of self-destruction you had decided to follow. Maybe that's where I was arrogant, too.' She paused, choking down the fist in her throat. 'I should have realized how important this was to you. I was naive and selfish to think I could change or make a difference to you, and I love you too much to watch you destroy yourself like this. I am so sorry, Mulder, but I just can't do it anymore.'

The pain she felt in having to say such things was comparable only to that reflected in his eyes, but there was nothing left to be said. The longer she continued to look at him, the more she died inside. She turned around and opened her door.

'Dana, please, wait.' He grabbed her hand, held it tight in both of his. 'We need you… I need you. Please. I can't do this alone.'

She wasn't listening anymore. He hadn't even come close to saying the words that might have stopped her. A myriad of emotions crashed through her like a typhoon – dejection, anger, regret, disappointment, grief – but it was an extreme, heavy, black sadness that crushed her heart the most.

Then the gentle touch of his fingers as they traced down the back of her neck brought memories of the first time he'd touched her that way, and her resolve was instantly undermined. She turned around, closed her eyes and leaned into his caress.

'Dana, no truth I could ever find would mean anything to me if you weren't there to share it.'

He raised his hands to her face as he kissed her forehead, and drew slow, tender circles on her cheeks with his thumbs. The sensation was like gossamer on silk, and she ached for him. For the person he used to be.

'I love you more than I knew it was possible to love anyone. I swear to you that you are the most important thing in my life. I don't want to lose you. If you want me to stop all this right now, I will.'

They stood together in a silence that seemed to last forever, holding each other. She believed that he believed he meant it. But she also knew that it wasn't what he wanted. Not really. He had demons that still plagued him, and she knew they would continue to do so until he'd felt he had done all he could to exorcise them. His passion for his cause, his intensity, his devotion were just some of the reasons she had fallen for him. She loved him, and she could not let him fall. Not now.

No matter how much he hurt her.

'I don't want you to do that,' she sighed weakly. 'I will help you. You know I will.'

He smiled and hugged her. 'Thank you,' he whispered into her hair.

She closed her eyes and enjoyed the moment while it lasted. Because that's all they seemed to have anymore.