CHAPTER 6

SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 29th 1999

1.49am

The motel was on a lonely stretch of highway just outside Fredericksburg. The car lot was surprisingly full, but then it was the weekend, and half the state was probably headed down to Colonial Williamsburg while the weather still held out, although why everyone would choose a place like this to stay constituted a file in his basement office by itself. Mulder parked at the back of the lot, deep in the shadows cast by overhanging willows and rhododendrons where the damage to the car's side wouldn't be noticed.

No-one was around. He could hear the rise and fall of car engines on the Interstate beyond, but no-one appeared to have followed them.

'How are we going to handle this?' asked Mulder. 'Do you want me to stay with Mr. Personality here, sir, or – '

'No,' Skinner replied. 'I'm not letting this asshole out of my sight.'

He got out of the car, opened Krycek's door, and hauled him out. He kept hold of Krycek's jacket while Mulder gave him the key to the cuffs.

'Don't take any chances with him, sir.'

'I think I'm capable of taking care of myself without your advice, Agent Mulder.'

Scully arched an eyebrow as she watched Skinner practically drag Krycek towards the lobby.

'He never fails to pull out all the stops when it comes to gratitude, does he?'

'He just doesn't like to show it. Wouldn't fit with his image.'

'Well, a "thank you", or "good job", or "sorry you almost got your asses fired for me" might be a start.'

Mulder chuckled. 'I think it'll be a cold, cold day in hell before that happens.'

Even though it was advertised as a 24-hour check-in, the receptionist sitting behind the chest-high desk didn't look pleased to see them. She sighed as she flipped her trash novel upside down on the desk and gave them a half-hearted smile.

'Help you?'

Skinner booked in Krycek and himself under the same pseudo-name of Simms. The receptionist had a vague smile on her face as she processed them, and it made Mulder wonder just what homophobic vitriol was going through her mind. Though it did amuse him in a strange way. The idea of Skinner and Krycek staying within the same four walls without killing each other was too much, let alone the thought of them being any more intimately involved, but he supposed she wasn't to know the truth about their…relationship. She gave them room 29 on the second floor.

'You know where I am if you need me. Call me with your room numbers when you're settled. Otherwise, I'll see you here at around nine tomorrow,' said Skinner.

'Sure. Goodnight, sir.'

Skinner kept a hand on Krycek's shoulder as the doors to the elevator closed.

Scully caught the look on Mulder's face. 'Don't start. Just check us in already. My head is killing me and I'd really like a hot bath.'

'Are you still mad at me or something?'

'What?'

'Well, I just want to know if we'll be booking one room or two.'

She laughed. 'With Skinner here? You have to be kidding.'

'He won't know,' he protested, brushing the back of his fingers along her cheek. 'Come on, Dana. Don't be like this.'

'Be like what?'

He looked away from her and blew out a breath. 'I had no choice here, okay? Don't act as if this is some selfish little errand I'm going on. We all had better plans this weekend.'

She stared at him. He looked down and realized that his hand was clamped around her wrist. 'You're hurting me, Mulder.'

'I'm…sorry.'

'You don't even know what you're apologizing for, do you?'

'Why are you so determined to start a fight here, Dana? I'm trying to - '

'It's always about you, isn't it?' she snapped, then regretted it when she saw the injured look in his eyes. 'Look, I've been in a car wreck, been shot at, and in general had what I would classify as a pretty shitty week, and the last thing I need right now is to end it fighting with you. Let's just get some rest, okay? We'll talk about this tomorrow.'

'See, now that's what worries me. What more is there to talk about beyond what we said earlier?'

'Are you paying for this room, or am I?' She approached the counter and booked them in. They had a room on the first floor, on the opposite side of the building to Skinner and Krycek.

Scully walked on ahead and was already in the bathroom with the door firmly locked by the time Mulder had caught up to her. He lay down on the bed, switched on the TV, and stared at it without seeing or hearing anything while he waited for her.

When she emerged almost an hour later, she was wearing one of the motel's white toweling robes and running a comb through her damp hair. The hot water had brought out the bruising on her cheek, but at least the cut looked better. It couldn't have been as deep as he first feared.

'Are you okay?'

Scully went to the mirror above the dressing table and looked at the purple mass extending down her cheekbone and across her eye socket. 'Yeah. I think I'm going to need a little more make-up tomorrow though.'

'You could always tell people you walked into the door.'

She frowned as she met his gaze in the reflection. 'Domestic violence isn't a source of humor. I'm not in the mood, Mulder.'

'Okay, that's it. You want to talk? Let's talk.' He reached for the remote and flicked off the TV. 'Because I've had just about enough of the cold shoulder. What's wrong?'

'I'm in pain, Mulder. I'm tired, and I don't want to have this conversation right now.'

'And I'm sorry for what happened, but it wasn't my fault. I was trying to keep us all safe. Please don't take this out on me.'

'I know it wasn't, Mulder, and I'm not blaming you, I'm just…I'm irritable and tired, ok? It's past two in the morning, for God's sake.'

'There's more to this than just the accident. I know you, Dana. If you have something to say, then say it.'

She pulled out the dressing table chair and sat down. 'Alright. If you're determined to do this now. You know what's wrong, Mulder. How many times have we had this conversation over the past few months? I feel as though I always come second with you – to your work, your research, your family, everything. Maybe I'm being selfish, but I thought we were in a relationship, and I sometimes wonder if you have any concept of what that means. You don't talk to me, you keep so many things from me and I feel like there's a whole part of your life that you keep guarded and won't let me into. It…hurts.'

He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. 'What the hell is that - '

'You want a list? Okay. Tonight, for a start. You should have just thrown that rat bastard out on his ass, but you didn't. You didn't even want to listen to me. You didn't care what I had to say. You'd already made up your mind. We still don't know that he didn't stage that whole thing at Skinner's apartment. He's a liar and a manipulator, and it's not beyond his capabilities. But the problem is that you want to believe him, and so I get pushed aside. Then, to vent your frustrations, you start pounding on a restrained man like a pathetic playground bully, and try to put the blame for it on me.'

'I wasn't pushing you away, Dana, I just wanted to know what he had to say. Am I supposed to just ignore it when Skinner's life is threatened because of us?'

'Mulder, it's not just that. It's not just tonight. You always do this. I guess I've been used to it before, when you disappeared to Arecibo, Tunguska, Alaska, God knows where else without telling me. But I thought things would be different now. They're not. I feel like it's a chore for you whenever I want to spend time with you. You're always so distracted…like I'm stopping you from doing something else. You've given me the brush off eighteen times since London. Yes, I counted. Because I feel like I deserve more than this. I need more. I want to know where you think this is going. I want a life away from all this. I want to be part of your life. But you won't let me in. I don't even know who you are outside of work anymore. I'm beginning to wonder if I ever really did.'

'That's unfair, Dana. Where I go, the people I see – they're nothing to do with work. It's part of private research for my papers, the articles I write for magazines, I occasionally help out Frohike and the guys, and I know you're not interested in any of that shit. It's why I'm good at what I do. Background. That's all this job is. I didn't chew you out for wanting to go away to cover Doctor Klein's classes, did I? We can't be in each other's pockets 24/7.'

'Oh. So you're on overload with me, is that it?'

'You're twisting my words. All I need is a little space to do the things that I know you're not interested in. I can't change who I am, Dana. I'm trying to be fair to you and to me.'

'If it was just that, maybe I could understand. But not returning my calls? I missed you, Mulder. I just wanted to talk. That was all. I couldn't even get your cell. I don't even know where you are most of the time. If you refuse to talk to me, to share things with me, then how is this relationship ever going to survive? All we have right now is a convenience, something to fall back on when your depression gets too much or you're in need of company. I don't understand how you can be so...so loving, so tender with me, yet show no commitment beyond the couple of hours we spend together. I guess I'm just not sure if this is really what you want anymore, because it never used to be like this between us. I'm…I'm not even sure it's what I want,' she sighed. 'I just know that I'm tired of feeling like this, Mulder and I just don't know what else to do.'

'I'm sorry,' he whispered. 'I…I thought you understood. I never meant to hurt you. Jesus, I would never knowingly hurt you, Dana.'

'I know that. All I'm asking of you is to step away and re-evaluate what it is that you're still trying to find. And what you really want.'

'My sister, Dana,' he said, close to tears. 'I want justice for her. For my lost years. For what they did to you. That's all I've ever wanted.' He took her hands in his and held them to his face, closing his eyes as her fingers touched his cheek. 'More than ever, I want this to end. I want to put the past behind me. You have to believe that I want us to work. I love you.'

'You know I love you too, Fox, but love has never been a problem for us. We've passed the stage where words can mend the fundamental difficulties in this relationship. This…depression; this black anger and hatred I've seen in you today is like a poison that pervades your whole system and you don't see it, but it's killing you. It's killing me. It frightens me. I want you to make a better life for yourself. For us. A better future than the one they would create for you.'

He kept her gaze for as long as he felt able, but soon the power and truth of what she had said burned so fiercely in his eyes that he had to close them. He knew that it was way past the time when he should have accepted that his sister was forever lost to him and moved on. He couldn't spend any more time chasing ghosts on a futile quest for justice that could never be won as long as men like Spender existed.

And maybe if the threat of death wasn't hanging over Skinner he would have found it easy right then, in that moment, to walk away from it all. But he owed Skinner for all the times he had placed himself in jeopardy for them, for all the risks he had taken to cover for them, and now, he owed him a cure for the illness that he had brought on.

'You're a good man, Mulder,' she continued, as though aware of his thoughts. 'I understand the loyalty you feel toward Skinner. I feel it too. We'll see this through. But when it's over, I really think we should both take some time to consider what it is we still want from each other. Love shouldn't be making us both this unhappy.'

'You…you want us to separate?'

'I…I don't know,' she sighed. 'I'm sorry. I just don't know.'