CHAPTER 12

SEVEN SISTERS MOTEL

OAK SPRINGS

NEVADA

8.00am

The sun was already strong, even at this time of the morning. The sand eagerly absorbed the heat after being subjected to the freezing winds of the night, slowly building up the energy to reflect it back with a vengeance by late afternoon. The air was heavy, dry and difficult to breathe, and the wind picked up dust that stung his eyes. Mulder wished he'd brought a change of clothes as his t-shirt began to cling annoyingly to his back and shoulders, and even rinsing it and taking a shower couldn't shift the lingering scent of sweat. He hoped the air conditioning in the restaurant worked better than the one in his room that had kept him awake most of the night, droning and clattering but not actually doing much to cool the room. He didn't really know what else to expect from a place that had an exterminator's van parked outside the lobby and a warning note attached to the lamp not to unplug it "In Case Of Electric Shock". The way the wires hung unprotected from the plug didn't exactly inspire confidence, and the bed felt like it used to belong to a hooker.

He felt more conspicuous than a six-foot green alien as he pulled open the dusty screen door of the restaurant and slid into a wooden booth overlooking the heat-drenched car lot. A battered radio on the bar spat out an intrusive country station and the greasy smell of bacon saturated the air. A woman who was too old to still be waitressing adjusted her too-short skirt as she came over to him and took his order for scrambled eggs, bacon, grits and coffee.

Clearly, Marita wasn't here yet. Neither was anyone else for that matter, aside from one tired, dejected looking guy in the opposite corner, staring out the window. From the crumpled state on his suit and holdall on the floor, Mulder imagined him to have been thrown out by a wife who just couldn't take his shit anymore. He watched the guy as his gaze shifted to the table and he started to play with his wedding band.

Mulder wished away the image of himself sitting in that guy's place in a few years time. He missed Scully. He didn't want to end up in that chair, staring out that window. But that's exactly where he was heading if he didn't start showing the commitment to their relationship that he knew she needed. That she deserved.

He just wished he was ready to give her that.

'Good morning, Agent Mulder.' Marita Covarrubias took off her sunglasses and hooked them over a breastpocket in her sleeveless cotton blouse. 'May I join you?'

'That depends on who's picking up the tab.'

'I'm sorry about yesterday. You caught me unaware. I had no idea that you even knew where I was.'

'What can I say? I had nothing better to do,' he smiled. 'Though it was nice to get a warmer welcome from the desert than from the person you trekked thousands of miles to see.'

She smiled wanly as she sat opposite him.

'So, do you want breakfast, or - '

'No, I'm fine.'

She shivered, despite the heat, and rubbed at the gooseflesh on her arms as she glanced out the window. Mulder wondered if they were being watched. She waited until the waitress had returned with his breakfast before she spoke again.

'I can't emphasize enough the danger you have placed yourself in by coming here.'

'Well, maybe if you'd spoken to me instead of leaving anonymous, cryptic messages I wouldn't have felt compelled to find you,' he said, allowing his anger to surface. 'I've been put in an extremely difficult situation. I want to know if you expected Krycek to come to me, Marita.'

'Keep your voice down,' she whispered urgently. 'I don't think I was followed, but they still have ways of listening.'

'I deserve an answer, and I think you're stalling.'

'Yes, I knew he would come. That's why I contacted you. What exactly did he tell you?'

'A lot of things, but I'm not sure I believe any of it.' He was going to leave it at that, but she raised her eyebrows disapprovingly. She obviously expected more. He sighed and furnished her with the rest.

It was very hard to discern her reaction. However she felt about what he had to say, her face remained impassive.

'You're angry with me, Agent Mulder, and I can understand why, but I am on your side. I'm doing everything I can to help you, but you have to appreciate my position. What they did to me...you could never imagine the horrors of what was... I can't, I won't, ever go through that again.'

'Why?'

'What do you mean, "why?" I told you what they - '

'Why are you helping me?'

She looked away from him again.

'It's just that I'm finding it a little hard to trust people these days,' he continued. 'Most of the time I've been let down or lied to. People I care about are getting hurt so you have to expect me to be a little more cautious. Even more so now that I know the threat to your safety is a powerful motivational force for you to side with them, and that you'll do whatever it takes, including misleading me, to protect yourself.'

If she was hurt or offended by his belligerent refusal to trust her, she kept it from registering in her eyes.

'I believe that your cause is right. That in spite of everything that has happened, everything that we've both sometimes allowed to happen, your heart is in the right place, and that your goals and beliefs have humanity's survival as your main concern. But there is another reason. A more personal one, but I'd rather not go into that right now. All I can do is assure you that we both ultimately want the same things.'

He pushed his half-eaten breakfast away. The smell of the coffee was beginning to turn his stomach. 'I think I have a right to know all your reasons if I am to trust what you tell me.'

'No, you don't,' she said pointedly, 'and I can't stay here all morning. What Krycek told you is true, to an extent - '

'Marita...please, I need to know.'

'No, Agent Mulder.'

He nodded, because it was the only socially acceptable thing he could do as he felt his anger rise within him like a wave. 'Then this conversation, and our involvement, is over. Goodbye, Marita.'

'Wait,' she pleaded with him. 'Please trust me. You're...you're the only hope I have now. Please don't make this any more difficult than it already is. This is a dangerous time for both of us.' She shook her head sadly, and he was sure he could see tears shimmering in her eyes. 'You don't want to know my other reason. Believe me. It would only complicate the situation for both of us. Besides, it's not important anymore.'

'It's obviously important enough to matter to you.'

She closed her eyes as a tear slipped down her cheek and she enclosed his hand in both of hers.

'Fox,' she whispered, and her voice was strange. There was an emotion veiled by her tears that he didn't recognize. It stirred something deep within him, like a scent of childhood that he couldn't quite pin down. 'I didn't want it to be like this. I had all these scenarios in my mind, all the ways I wanted to tell you the truth. It's been so hard. You have no idea how long I've waited to touch you again, to be able to hold your hand.'

'What?' he sputtered, confused and extremely uncomfortable as he pulled his hand away.

'Look at me, Fox. Don't you recognize me? Is there nothing familiar to you in my face? Has it really been so long?'

He felt as though he were dreaming. Everything was strange and surreal, as though her touch had administered a narcotic that was suffusing slowly through his bloodstream. Was he still in bed? Was this real? His stomach tightened and pulse quickened. His mouth felt like sandpaper. Her voice continued to reach deep into his soul, stirring and shifting the memories and feelings there, transporting him back to another time, another life. He met the fathomless depths of her eyes, and suddenly, he knew. Finally, after so much time, he knew. It was like a hidden door had been revealed to him and he found himself looking in at a nirvana he had long since forgotten, an existence he had long since lost faith in.

She could see that he understood.

She moved next to him and took his hand again. She waited for him, and when he eventually looked up at her, he saw someone else. Someone who he thought had been forever lost to him.

Smiling, she pushed his hair away from his forehead and kissed him.

'I've missed you so much, Fox. I never forgot you. Never gave up hope. You have no idea how I felt when you came to my apartment that day…to be able to see you like that, but never being able to tell you…always having to hide the truth… They changed me so much, I was afraid that you would never figure it out - '

'Samantha?' he asked with the broken voice of a child who had just discovered that fairies were real, his mind struggling to balance the realization of what his heart and soul were telling him. He was dizzy and nauseous, but exhilarated too, feeling a happiness he thought he would never be able to feel again. Her face may have changed, but her eyes could never lie.

'You've…changed. You don't look anything like the women who I have been led before to believe were you, but I feel...with you…it's somehow different. I…I can't explain it.' He pulled his hand away from hers again and covered his face as he sighed and doubled over, resting his head on the table as though he were in pain. She could hear him muttering, could see his shoulders heaving, although she couldn't see if he was crying or laughing. 'I can't believe it. I just, I…can't believe I've never seen it in your eyes before. It's so obvious to me now. Sam...this is just...it's too much for me to take in.'

Samantha gently rubbed his back. 'I know what you must be going through, and I know I have no right to just drop this in your lap, but it's about time you knew. It's time this ended, for all of us.'

'All of us?' He picked up his head and regarded her with confused, watery eyes that betrayed every torturous emotion tearing his soul apart.

'Mom,' she sighed. 'She thinks I'm dead. She never told you about her fears because she knew that your search is the only thing that's kept you going. Maybe she thought she was protecting you, but she couldn't see you from the perspective that I could. I've been watching you for much longer than you think; I've seen what you've achieved and the dedication with which you've approached your work. But I've also seen them taking advantage of you, using your passion against you, and that's when I decided to help you. Because I couldn't just sit back and watch them destroy your life like they've destroyed mine.'

'Everyone seems to think I'm so weak; so gullible,' he whispered. 'But I'm not. I'm not stupid, I know that I've been misled. I know I've been lied to. Scully has kept me sane; she's kept me believing that I would find you again one day and that all I've ever worked for will mean something. That the sacrifices I've made were worth it. That doesn't make me weak or naive, Sam. But I don't understand why…why would they do this to us?'

'Don't go down that road. Believe me, it doesn't lead anyplace that you want to be. I blamed Dad, Mom...even you sometimes. But what happened is no-one's fault but the people who brought all this on. People like the group Dad worked with who thought that they could outsmart the invaders. They couldn't, and they've paid the price. They've manipulated us both, and used Mom too…put her in hospital… You have no idea what that did to me...not being able to see her when she may have been dying. They even took that from us, too.'

'I'm sorry for leaving you at the hospital,' he said, finally meeting her eyes.. 'I should have taken you with me back then and tried harder to protect you. I'm so sorry for letting you down.'

'You haven't let me down. Ever. Fox, I'm so proud of you and all you've achieved.'

He laughed. 'All I've achieved? Right now, it doesn't feel like I've achieved a whole lot.'

She smiled at him. 'They would never have allowed me to leave there anyway. As soon as they realized I was missing, nothing could have protected us from them. Things worked out for the best in the long run. I know it doesn't seem that way right now.'

'How did you get out?'

'I don't suppose I ever did,' she sighed. 'They just transferred me out here and changed my identity again to protect themselves and keep their interest in you alive. I survived the tests. Actually I was the only one who did. They need my experience with the vaccine because I helped develop it before being forced to become a test subject myself. That's what I've been doing all these years. Trying to carry on Dad's work, what he believed in. He knew that co-operating with the aliens would never work. That we were just being used like tools. He demanded that a vaccine be developed, as insurance if the weapons program failed. It was my only connection to the family I lost, the only path I could take that might one day allow me to see you again.'

'So you were never really with the UN?'

'Yes, I was.' She glanced out the window again, seeing nothing. Still, she must have decided that the conversation, for the moment, was over because she shifted away from him and pushed a hand through her hair. 'There's so much going on, Fox. So much I have to tell you. But I think you need some time to process what I've already told you. I won't be able to see you again here, but I have to be in New York on Monday. It'll be easier to slip away then and we can talk. Can you meet me?'

New York? Now, with all that was happening? What about Skinner? What about Scully? But this was what he'd always wanted, all he'd ever worked for. She was obviously still involved in what was happening…she could give him the answers he needed to be able to help his friend, and ultimately, maybe himself.

'I'll try, Sam. Can I call you?'

'No, it's best not to. I don't think they monitor my calls, but all the same… I'll call you.'

'It would be great if you talked to me properly next time.'

'Yeah, okay,' she smiled. The waitress came over to clear Mulder's plate and asked if they wanted more coffee, but they declined. 'I'd better go. I've stayed too long already.'

'Sam, we have so much to talk about. I can't just let you drive away from me again. Please, come with me back to Virginia. We can protect you.'

'I can't, Fox. You know I can't. Let's just be grateful for what we've been given, okay? Please, don't make this any harder than it already is.'

'Can I at least walk you to your car?'

Outside, the sun was blinding after the dim, sallow light through drawn blinds. He slipped on his sunglasses, pulled her into a tight embrace, and held her as if letting her go would somehow break the spell and she would once more exist only in that bedroom. A memory fading with the indefatigable march of time.

He let her go so that he could see her face. 'Can I at least tell Mom you're okay?'

'Sure,' she smiled. 'Just don't give her any details. For her own sake. Tell her...tell her that I love her, too.'

He kissed her cheek. 'It's been good to see you again, even if it did take me so long to recognize you.'

She touched a hand to her dyed-blonde hair. 'Yeah…necessary evil, unfortunately. Though I never did like my nose anyway,' she added with a grin. 'They did a good job. My own brother didn't recognize me.'

'I should have known all along,' he said softly. 'There was always something about you. I can't believe I never saw it before.'

'I'm so glad we've had this time, Fox. And we will see each other again, but you have to be very careful now. They will be watching.' She looked around as she got into her car and wound down the window just before she pulled off. 'Krycek has, more or less, told you the truth. But you shouldn't trust him. I made that mistake at my own cost. Your friend may still be at risk, and not just from those hunting him.'

'I've already figured that out for myself. Don't worry. Goodbye, Sam.'

As he watched her disappear back down the dust track toward the base, he felt a part of him going with her. He felt so sad, so lost, as if he didn't say and do enough when he had been given the chance, and he couldn't help but feel as though that was the last chance he would ever have with his sister to try to communicate what he felt for her. He desperately hoped he was wrong, with all his heart, but deep inside he felt as though he would probably never see her again.