A/N: Shoutout to eponine119 for some inspiration with this chapter! Also, if you don't know the lyrics to the song mentioned in this, google it and listen to it. Seriously. It will make it better. :) Enjoy!

—-

"My idea of good company… is the company of clever, well-informed people, who have a great deal of conversation; that is what I call good company."

"You are mistaken," said he gently, "that is not good company; that is the best."

Jane Austen, Persuasion

—-

Chapter 6: One of Us

"Don't y'all dare sing to me," James commanded, pushing away his plate with the remnants of his pizza crust on it with one hand and rubbing his stomach absentmindedly with the other. "I mean it." He sat at the dining room table, groaning from the over-indulgence. Juliet grinned, remembering how he'd been the one to challenge Miles and Jin to a pizza-eating contest and kept going, even though they'd both quit 2 slices ago.

"James, I worked hard on that cake. You better eat it," Juliet warned, pushing down the smile rising to her cheeks at the way James ran his palm over his face, clearly pained. "No one asked you to eat that much pizza." The round, two-tiered double chocolate cake sat on the countertop, leaning a little to one side but otherwise looking pristine with its whipped chocolate frosting and a smattering of chocolate sprinkles.

"I will, I will. Later. Christ…"

"Why'd you keep goin', man?" Miles shook his head and scoffed, picking up the plates and depositing them in the sink. Juliet, needing something to do, decided to start washing them. Jin rose from his seat on the couch to help her dry.

"I dunno… it was just good," James moaned and rose to take Jin's vacant seat on the couch. He laid down and moaned louder. "Went almost four months without pizza and now it's like my kryptonite or somethin'..." Juliet chuckled at James's shameless complaining.

"If you lay down, you'll get indigestion!" she called over her shoulder as she scrubbed.

She heard James grumble, and she checked over her shoulder once more to see him sit up and burp quietly. "I fuckin' hate bein' old," he said under his breath.

"Better you than me," Miles added. "By the way, how old are you, grampa?"

James considered. He'd had his birthday two months before they'd crashed. He'd turned 36. But that hadn't been a whole year ago, thanks to the time jumps; more like a little under eight months. "I don't really know," he answered honestly. "Time travel's a bitch." That earned him a laugh from all three of his friends. Truer words had perhaps never been spoken amongst the four of them.

Looking around the room, James swelled with happiness as he watched them from his vantage point on the couch. Juliet and Jin finished the dishes (and Jin shrieked as Juliet flicked water at him), and Miles wiped down the table to get ready for poker and (eventually) cake. Things felt peaceful, and he was happy to be in their company. He'd slept in, taken a long, hot shower, and spent the day reading in the hammock Jin and Miles had gotten for him (Jerry had lost it to Miles in a bet, but Jin had set it up). The weather was warm, but not hot, and James had napped for a good portion of the day, rocked like a baby by the steady island breeze. Miles grabbed pizzas from the cafeteria, Jin got the beer from the general store, and Juliet had brought James's favorite cake. He didn't know how she knew that (it couldn't have been in his file) but he was impressed nonetheless. It occurred to him that this was likely the best birthday he'd had in many, many years - if not ever.

They'd decided to have game night every Friday night, so last night they played Sorry. James had been too preoccupied with watching Juliet (and also pretending not to) to think about the game, and had lost to Miles. Tonight, he swore his revenge as they gathered around the table to play poker. Juliet sat at his left, which James was grateful for. He didn't have to stare at her across the table all night and could get away with brushing his arm across hers without arousing suspicion.

Juliet stacked her chips in a neat pile in front of her. The last time they'd played poker, she'd wiped the floor with them. They'd had no idea she was that good, and she'd been proud of her ability to hustle them. Though, she wondered if just for tonight, she should let James win a few rounds, considering he'd been so furious to lose to Miles last night. Perhaps he needed to be thrown a bone for his birthday. After all, they'd gotten along so well all week, she felt like she owed him something in return. She knew it was ridiculous - she didn't owe him anything just because he'd been decent to her - but she still felt like she needed to find a way to show her appreciation for him. They hadn't had one argument, and he'd even flirted with her on occasion. It was just what James did to show affection and friendship - she knew that it didn't mean anything - but she still felt like the change was worthy of positive reinforcement all the same.

She let him win the first hand, just to see that confident smile light up his face. She loved to see him smile. Despite her best efforts, she kept sneaking glances out of the corner of her eye; first watching him furrow his brows in consternation, then the deep line between his eyebrows would turn shallow as he made his decision. She was riveted by his total concentration and the way the light above the dining room table brightened the natural blonde highlights in his hair. She wondered if she'd ever be able to count all the shades - maybe that was why his hair was so gorgeous.

"Jules?" Miles called, waving a hand in front of her face. "Your turn."

"Oh," she cleared her throat. "Sorry." She wondered if he could see the flush creeping up her neck. She didn't want to risk looking at him again to find out.

Juliet amped up her game after losing the first three rounds. He'd had a taste of winning, but she still had her pride. By the time the clock struck nine, all three of her friends were grumbling and calling her a cheater.

"If you want to win so much, maybe you should consider picking a different game," she shrugged and slid the chips her way. "We could play rummy or something instead?"

"Nah - poker's good. I'm figurin' you out, Blondie," James said as he cracked his knuckles and then his neck. "I'll getcha eventually. Y'all ready for some cake?"

"Yes - cake!" Jin agreed, and stood to grab the small plates from the cupboard.

"You may not want us singing to you, but you're going to blow out birthday candles whether you like it or not," Juliet insisted. She rose from the table and pulled the candles out of the drawer. She wasn't sure how many to put, so she decided on 6. It seemed appropriate, and felt wonderfully like an inside joke.

James watched her as she carefully placed each candle into the cake, making sure they were all the same depth and equidistant from the others. It made him smile to see how much she cared about getting it right. He felt warm and fuzzy inside, knowing how he was starting to notice all the little ways in which she showed that she cared about him. Perhaps it wasn't in the way he wanted, but it was something. It was something to hold onto, as this 'crush' was making him feel like he was being swept away in a rainstorm - out of control and drowning in his desire for her.

She lit the candles and carefully placed the cake in front of him. "Make a wish," she whispered, and smiled demurely as she clasped her hands in front of her. Miles hummed the birthday song just to be stubborn and Jin clapped James on the back as he walked behind him to retake his seat. James wanted to pause this moment and imprint it on his mind. His friends, his actual friends, were watching him with smiles on their faces and waiting for him to blow out his candles. Once upon a time, the old Sawyer wouldn't have bothered with any of this. He would have thought the candles were stupid, because wishes never came true. He would have wondered what was really going on inside their heads as they watched him with grins plastered on their faces, and he certainly wouldn't have wanted to spend the day hanging out with anyone other than himself.

Perhaps most importantly of all, he wouldn't have made the wish he made, as he watched the firelight reflect in Juliet's blue eyes. He blew them out in one swoop, his eyes never leaving hers. Her smile faltered only slightly, and James screamed his wish so loudly inside his head, he wondered if maybe she could hear it.

Did he believe in wishing upon birthday candles? Not really, no. But she had told him to do it, which meant that maybe she believed, and that was enough for him. Because with each passing day, he was growing more and more desperate. What did he have to lose? Sooner or later, something was going to have to give.

After Juliet removed the candles, James cut the cake, and the four ate and chatted amiably. Miles moaned as he ate, which earned him a shoulder bump from Jin and a sharp word in Korean. Juliet was thrilled with everyone's reactions to the cake, as she had spent more time than she cared to admit on making it perfect. Everyone agreed it had turned out delicious, and James helped himself to a much bigger slice than she'd expected him to after all that pizza. When they were done, Miles cleaned up and Jin went into the kitchen to make everyone mojitos for another few rounds of poker.

As they sat at the table, Juliet shyly watched James's face. His eyes were intent on hers, and it made her slightly uneasy. He'd been staring at her a lot lately it seemed. Perhaps he was still adjusting to the fact that they'd grown into such an unlikely friendship? But then again, she'd be the first to admit she never really knew what was running through James's mind at all.

"What are you staring at?" she finally asked, cocking her head to the side, but his sly grin never wavered.

"You didn't get me a birthday present," he stated simply, and then licked the back of his fork. It made her heart jerk inside her chest, though she didn't know why.

"I did so! I made you that cake that you so thoroughly enjoyed."

He hmphed a little laugh. "And Miles brought the pizza, and Jin's over there bartendin', and makin' what looks to be dangerously strong drinks." He leaned back in his chair and grinned wider. "So what's my present gonna be?"

"Well, it seems we've spoiled you quite a bit today but I'll bite. What is it that you want?" she lowered her voice and leaned in, arching a single eyebrow at him. James almost stopped breathing with the way she was looking at him, so intently and teasingly. It was so very Juliet.

You. I want you, he answered her, if only in his mind. "How's about a dance?" he offered.

A wild smile broke out over her face. "A dance? You can't possibly be serious?"

"Dead serious," he confirmed, and leaned forward, matching her posture. "Just a little dance. That ain't too bad now, is it?"

Juliet opened and closed her mouth, unsure of what to say. She looked flustered, and it made James smile harder. He loved making her flustered. He loved to see any crack in her tough exterior, no matter how small.

Juliet thought about his request. A dance was harmless, wasn't it? It didn't mean anything. But why on Earth had he asked for it? Surely, it was just because she was a woman and he was a guy, and living here could be boring. Right? It couldn't possibly mean anything else. She was making a mountain out of a molehill. It's not like he had asked for a kiss.

"Why?" she couldn't help but ask, her voice small and unsure.

He leaned forward and placed his hand overtop hers as it rested on the table. It was warm and rough and made goosebumps erupt on her arm. "Ya gonna dance with me for my birthday or not? Whattaya say?" He had ignored her question, and they both knew it.

A dance. That was all. She decided it seemed innocuous enough - she'd danced with friends before. And she did like to dance.

"I suppose so," she relented, and shook her head in surprise. He smiled widely and took her hand in his, leading her to the living room. She glanced over her shoulder at Jin and Miles in the kitchen, who looked like they were doing their very best not to stare. She was grateful for that. She already felt self-conscious enough without the audience.

James flipped through the vinyl records until he found one that caught his eye. He nodded as he placed it on the turntable, and selected the right track. He watched recognition dawn on her face, and it lit up like the sunrise. "I love this song!" she practically screeched as the unmistakable beginning beats of 'Ain't No Mountain High Enough' played. James turned up the volume and held out his hand.

Her eyes sparkled and her heart hammered wildly as she took his hand. He spun her once in a circle as he sang, "Listen, baaaby!" She laughed and placed a hand on his firm shoulder, letting him take the lead.

They danced around the living room, James singing every so often. Not wanting him to feel like she wasn't invested, she sang too. It seemed to delight him, so she continued, even though she was mildly self-conscious about her singing voice. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't as good as Tammi Terrell, either. But he was clearly having a great time, so she didn't mind.

With both hands gripped in hers, he pushed her out, pulled her in, and spun her around. He let his eyes drift downwards without a trace of shame, and watched as she moved her hips to the beat. His eyes traced down from her bare legs down to her bare feet, and back up to her smiling face. She was a great dancer, and clearly also a wonderful singer. He placed that new knowledge carefully into the mental box of things he knew about her. It was growing more full by the day.

When the song was over, he watched her laugh as she tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. Her cheeks were pink and her breathing was a little shallow. He thought this must have been the best birthday present he'd ever received.

"That was fun!" she cried out, still laughing, though it was beginning to dwindle. "Did you enjoy your birthday present, James?" she asked, sounding shy now.

"Absolutely," he answered confidently, and was pleasantly surprised when she leaned in to kiss his cheek as she passed him by. His heart stopped and the place where her lips had been burned. He had to clench his fist to keep from touching a finger to the spot.

"Good!" she called, and practically skipped back into the dining room where four mojitos and two curious roommates awaited him. Their eyebrows were raised and they looked at him expectantly. All he had to do was cut them his signature glare and they backed off, looking anywhere but at him.

"Alright boys. Who's ready to get their ass kicked?" he crowed as he approached the table. He felt like he was on cloud nine, and the world was his oyster. He didn't know why that was the phrase or what it meant, but it felt apt nonetheless.

He was definitely on top of the world.

—-

"I've had enough of this bullshit," Miles bellowed as James cleared him out. Jin and Juliet both folded, and James greedily pulled his winnings towards him. He didn't have as much as Juliet, but he'd been on quite the streak the last few hands.

"I can not. I need to go to bed," Jin seethed. He'd won for a while, but always bet more than he was willing to lose. "Goodnight. See you tomorrow." He waved quickly and halfheartedly, and stalked angrily down the hallway after depositing his cup in the sink. James chuckled, knowing Jin was a sore loser but still managed to be polite about it.

"He's right. I'm out too," Miles sighed. "The hell kinda winning streak was that, Jim?"

"What can I say - just lucky I guess," James said smugly.

"Well, share some with the rest of us next time," Miles grumbled. "Happy birthday, I guess." He gave a mock salute and placed his cup in the sink before stomping down the hallway to his bedroom.

"Yikes. Sore losers…" Juliet commented, a mild grin tugging at the corners of her lips.

"Ehhh, who needs 'em. You down for another hand?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows at her. Juliet took notice of the time. It was after 10:00 and she was starting to feel sluggish and dizzy, from the busyness of the day and all the alcohol.

"I don't know. It's kind of late, don't you think?"

"Aw come on. We can raise the stakes?" he suggested, and moved into Miles's seat across from her so that he could watch her expression.

"Raise them how?" she asked, though she wasn't sure she really wanted to know. He grinned deviously and before the words could even escape his lips, it dawned on her. "James, I swear to God you better not ask me to play strip poker."

"What!? How'd you know!"

She giggled and downed the rest of her drink. "I'm drunk but I'm not that drunk," she breathed, and giggled again at James's dumbfounded expression.

"How'd you know I was gonna say that?" he asked, curious at her growing ability to read him.

"Oh come on. It's you."

"So? Does somethin' about me scream 'strip poker' to you?" He acted offended by placing a hand over his heart, and it only made her laugh harder.

"No! But come on. I'm not stupid. You'd do anything to see a naked woman, I'm sure of it."

"What makes ya think you're gonna lose? Scared I'll beat ya?"

"NO. But I'm not willing to risk being wrong, either."

James's dimples were deep and his eyes were unfocused as he leaned across the table. Her breath caught in her throat as she watched him.

"So, will you stay?" he asked, sounding sober and, surprisingly, a little vulnerable.

"How many times are you going to ask me that question?" she replied in a low voice, leaning in towards him. They were inches apart, and grinning stupidly at each other.

"As many times as it takes," he responded softly. They gazed into each other's eyes a moment before Juliet suddenly hiccuped. It made her giggle, and she pulled away.

"Why don't we play something else? I'm pokered out, we've been playing for hours."

James considered. They had a few board games lying around here from the previous tenants, but it was his birthday and he could have whatever he wanted. And he didn't want to play a board game. "I got an idea," he said cryptically. "But we gotta go outside to play."

"Outside? Why?"

"Cuz it's my birthday and I says so," he teased, and playfully tugged on her arm.

She wrinkled her nose, trying to evaluate the situation. She didn't mind going outside, but what could he possibly be planning? It was too dark to play much of anything out there. In the end though, she decided she trusted him. He had a little more than an hour and a half left of his day, the least she could do was abide by whatever crazy scheme he had planned. Within reason.

"Alright, alright. Since you insist on using that as an excuse, I guess we can play whatever it is you wanna play. But no running. And nothing illegal."

"I'm security, ya think we're gonna do anything illegal?" He couldn't help but laugh. Her instincts were probably warranted. "Nah. Nothing like that." He jerked his head to the side and grabbed two beers before leading her outside to his new hammock around the side of the house. The air was warm but there was no humidity, and the soothing melody of the crickets was the only thing they heard. The moon was bright overhead, and every so often they'd see a firefly light up in the darkness. In this moment, James felt like they were the only two people left in the world.

He gingerly sat in the hammock, perpendicular to the long side, and patted the space next to him. Juliet grinned, albeit skeptically. It reminded her of summers as a kid, playing out in the backyard long after the sun went down. The world felt peaceful and still, and for once, everything was alright. "Will it hold us both?" she questioned.

"Sure," he confirmed, and flounced around a little to prove his point. She sat down tentatively next to him, and laughed when James kicked his feet off the ground, sending her backwards as the hammock swung. If Juliet had been just a little more sober, she would have seen how romantic James was trying to be without pushing her too far. Instead, she found herself trying to keep the liquor down as her center of gravity shifted.

"No swinging, no swinging!" she cried, and he placed his feet back on the ground.

"How about this?" he asked, and rocked them back and forth gently. She nodded, agreeing to the pace. "Okay good. Now, I'm assumin' you've played Never Have I Ever before?"

She responded by cackling. "That's what you want to play? I haven't played that since college!" James didn't want to respond by saying he'd last played with Kate a few months ago. That would surely not bode well for him.

"Well yeah. What'd you think the beers were for?"

She shrugged and took one from him. "I don't know. I just thought you wanted to talk." The can hissed as she popped the tab, and he followed suit.

"Nah. This is more fun," he encouraged, and sipped the foam off the top.

"Well, since you don't have much of your birthday left, I'll humor you." She tried to act nonchalant, but inside she was beginning to panic. She was used to being a private person, and this game could easily slip into dangerous territory. She wasn't sure how much she was ready to share with him, even if he was her friend.

He held out his beer and tapped it lightly against hers in solidarity. "So you know the rules then?" he confirmed. She nodded and sipped the top foam off her beer. "Okay then. I'll start. Never have I ever…" He drew out the last syllable, trying to think of something good. He could feel her starting to get nervous. The way she hunched her shoulders, almost curling into herself, was one of her tells. He wanted to get to know her, not make her uncomfortable. He just had to trust she would tell him when she was ready to be done. "Helped a lady give birth," he finished.

Her jaw dropped and she shot him an annoyed look. "Really? Right out of the gate?" she chuckled and took a small sip of her beer. "Not fair."

"What!? Gotta start easy, right?"

"Fine, fine. Okay, well. Never have I ever slept with a woman."

"Damn," he commented after a moment, waiting to see if she'd take a sip. She didn't. He took a long gulp. "I guess I had that comin'."

"Just a little bit," she teased, and laid her head back on the coarse knots of the hammock, resting her beer on her stomach. "Your turn."

"Okay… never have I ever… ridden a roller coaster," he admitted. And he almost wished he hadn't. She shot him a sad look, and he had to look away, choosing to stare up into the tree overhead instead.

She didn't dare ask him about it. She knew he'd had a hard childhood. He likely never had the money to go to theme parks. But she didn't sip her beer, either. "Me neither," she admitted. "They kinda scare me."

"They seem really fuckin' fast, dontcha think?"

"Yeah. And I don't like the feeling of having my stomach in my throat." As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she wanted to take them back. She had watched James's plane literally fall out of the sky. Luckily, he didn't seem phased by her comment, and the tense moment passed. "Never have I ever…smoked weed."

James barked a laugh, and took a long swig. "Never have I ever… been married." He was certain she wasn't going to drink. But she did, and a little guiltily too. "Say what now?" he asked, incredulous. He thought about the way Kate had looked sheepish too, like it was something they both wished to keep hidden.

"Yeah. I was married, once," she sighed. "His name was Edmund. Ed. But we got divorced, and then he died."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up. You got divorced?"

"He was cheating on me, constantly. And I guess I'd decided enough was enough. So, with my sister's help, I scraped my pride up off the floor and filed for divorce. After almost ten years of marriage, if you can believe it." James couldn't believe it.

She took another sip of her beer, just to have something to do with her mouth other than talk. "That fucker cheated - on you?" he asked, sounding angry and confused. "Was he blind?"

Juliet chuckled, grateful for his attempt to make her feel better. Even after all this time, talking about Ed made her feel small. "No. But he was my boss, and he made life pretty difficult for me for a while. But then things got a little better, and then… well, I told you Richard recruited me?" James nodded. "I think he killed Ed. I had… well, we've talked before about not being great people in our pasts, you and I. This is one of those things I guess. I made a comment about Ed not allowing me to leave to take the job Richard was offering. I said he'd need to get his by a bus before I was ever allowed to go. And then, right there in front of me…" She couldn't continue. And she didn't need to. He understood enough.

"Shit. I'm sorry…but that wasn't your fault," he sighed, and placed his free hand atop hers. He squeezed for a moment before she politely pulled away.

"Never have I ever had sex in a public place," she offered after a moment, desperately trying to change the subject. They were committed to the game now, and she didn't want to talk about Ed anymore. The comment made James laugh, and he took a swig.

And so the game continued. James had claimed he'd never gotten so drunk he puked, but he had, and apparently so had she. They both sipped from their cans.

James had never owned a pet. Juliet had had a dog growing up, but she was more of a cat person.

Juliet had never gotten a speeding ticket, James had gotten three.

James had never eaten sushi out in the real world. Neither had Juliet. They both loved Jin's cooking, but only when it was fully cooked.

Juliet had never broken a bone, and neither had James. She'd dislocated her shoulder, but that was her only serious injury over the course of her lifetime.

James had never been to a concert, Juliet had seen Guns 'N Roses with her sister once.

The drunker and more comfortable they began to feel, the crazier the statements got. Eventually, they ran out of beer and just sipped at an empty can because they were both too content to go back inside and get more. And though neither would admit it aloud, they didn't want to ruin the moment by leaving. They were both having fun.

Juliet had never had a threesome. James had, once, and it actually hadn't suited him. She'd laughed so hard she cried as he explained to her that the whole thing had given him performance anxiety and hadn't really been worth it in the end.

James was surprised to learn that Juliet had been the other woman once, though she didn't elaborate.

Juliet had been skinny dipping but surprisingly, James hadn't. He'd claimed he and his partners never made it that far.

Eventually, James dared to take the questions even further. He'd never been tied up in bed, and unsurprisingly neither had she.

He'd never masterbated in someone else's house and she'd quietly sipped her canned air as she blushed furiously and changed the subject. He had to take deep, steadying breaths to remove the image that was trying to burn itself into his brain. That one had taken him by surprise. Clearly she wasn't as vanilla as she tried to appear.

"Never have I ever really fallen in love," she offered somewhat dreamily. It was true. She'd liked Ed enough, but what she'd felt for him had never been true love. Admiration, sure, but not love. She'd certainly felt puppy love for her high school boyfriend and even a guy she dated briefly after Ed, but never anything real. Goodwin had come the closest, but she'd really only leaned on him for companionship more than anything else. He was never going to be fully hers, and so she had kept him at a distance at all times.

James pressed the can to his lips but didn't tilt it. Juliet watched him, and she could see a dozen emotions playing like a movie just under his skin, all vying for dominance. "James?" she asked, confused.

He sighed, and eventually lowered his can. "I don't know how to answer that one," he admitted sourly, and Juliet didn't press further. It had taken her by surprise, and she didn't know what to say.

Finally, after a moment, James turned his head to look at her. Something had been bothering him for a long time, and he'd never had the courage to ask about it. Now, here they were, lying in a hammock at what was surely close to midnight, baring their secrets to one another in the privacy of their own little world. Surely, now was as good a time to ask as any.

"Never have I ever been branded," he said tentatively, and he knew immediately it was a mistake. Her eyes darkened and her lazy smile vanished.

"How did you know about that?" she asked defensively. He wanted to backtrack but he didn't know how. There was no way he was going to lie his way out of this one.

"I saw it, once. While you were sleepin'." He started to panic. He hadn't meant to ruin this.

"While I was sleeping?"

"Well, yeah. When we shared a room. You were on your stomach and - I didn't mean to. It ain't like I touched you or nothin'."

She sat up, jostling James enough for him to roll into her. She flinched as he touched her, and she suddenly felt very exposed. He'd known about it all this time and hadn't said anything? How much of her had he seen?

James didn't know what to do. His head was swimming and his arms were heavy and he just wanted to touch her, but she flinched the moment he rolled into her. He ran a hand through his hair and sighed, trying to find the right words to fix this.

"I forget I have it sometimes," she suddenly whispered into the warm night air. Her fingers reached behind her to trace the outline of the marking. She looked pained, but not physically. She looked lost in thought.

"Ya wanna tell me what happened?" he finally forced through his teeth. He wasn't sure he really wanted to hear it. But she shook her head, and she meant it. She didn't want to tell him. But she did anyway.

"They gave it to me. The Others. It was my punishment for killing one of them."

It didn't take long for James to remember. "That guy… he was tryin' to stop us…" he recalled, and Juliet merely nodded. Tears formed in her eyes and she had to look away. It took all his courage to grab her chin and force her to look at him. He hated seeing her like this. The guilt was written all over her face, etched into the slant of her eyebrows and the tilt of her frown. She wasn't a killer. And he would know. "Hey - it ain't your fault. You were just helpin' us, and he didn't listen to ya."

But she shook her head adamantly. "I didn't do it for you. I did it for me. I thought I would get to go home…" she choked out. James nodded.

"You'd do anything to go home, wouldn't you?" He let go of her chin and she thought about it for a moment before nodding, clearly ashamed.

He didn't know what to say. Their bodies were only an inch or two apart, but she was like a magnet, drawing him in. He suddenly felt very seen, even though the conversation wasn't about him at all. He knew desperation better than almost anyone; except perhaps her.

He leaned in, but the fear in her expression flashed like a lightbulb into his eyes. He paused, panicked, and pulled back. But it was too late.

Juliet froze. Had he been trying to kiss her? What had just happened? A million thoughts ran through her head all at once: Had he simply misread the moment, or had she somehow been missing the signs all this time? All this flirting… it had just been because that's what he did, right? She saw him flirt with everyone. He didn't see her as anything other than just a friend. But there was just something about him… How the hell had he gotten her to open up so much about herself, all in one night? She'd let her guard down without even realizing it.

And then came the scariest thought of all: What did she want this to mean? Did she want him to want to kiss her?

Oh God. What have I done? she thought miserably. This had been a huge mistake. She never should have given in to him tonight. Either she'd given him the wrong idea somehow or she was grossly overestimating his level of interest and thereby making a fool of herself. Or had she been underestimating him all along? Either way, it was time to call it a night.

"I should go," Juliet whispered apologetically. She slipped clumsily out of the hammock, pretending not to feel his fingers trying to catch at her shirt.

"Wait," he called out, not understanding what was happening. She gave him a small smile and a quick wave.

"Happy birthday, James. I hope you had a good day." She turned and walked quickly down the sidewalk path that led to her house.

"The best," James muttered to himself, as she was long gone. And it was true. It just might have been one of the best days of his life. He waited in the hammock for five minutes, to see if she came back. She never did. So he sighed, and made his way inside the house, convinced that he'd somehow managed to fuck everything up once and for all.

—-

Over the next two weeks, Juliet tried to act like nothing was amiss. She went to work, had dinner with the guys, and attended game night as usual. She wasn't going to let whatever happened between them ruin their friendship - she (they) had worked too hard to build it. Plus, if she were being totally honest, James had grown into someone she relied on, and she didn't think she could stomach arguing with him yet again - not after everything they'd been through to get this far.

Her thoughts about the matter were like a roller coaster (though how would she know? she thought wryly). One minute she was thinking: 'He likes me - how did this happen and what does this mean?' And the next minute she somehow convinced herself that she'd misunderstood everything and it had all been in her head. He could have been leaning in for so many different reasons. She shouldn't even begin to assume she knew how he was feeling.

Whatever he felt about her - none of it was real. And she'd be damned if she'd let a rift grow between them over something so futile and unwarranted. She wasn't who he wanted; he just needed time to see that.

But - he'd asked for a dance. What the hell had that been about?

It was too much. Analyzing a man like James Ford only proved fruitless and she found that she was tired of spinning herself in circles wondering about it. Other than the day after his birthday where he'd seemed timid and quieter than usual around her, he'd been himself every other day since. Clearly he wasn't nearly as bothered by all this as she was, which only reinforced that she'd somehow made the whole thing up. Perhaps her own fears and insecurities had manifested themselves in front of her like a boogeyman, threatening to take away the one sure thing she'd realized she needed on this damn island: him.

Meanwhile, James was in fact replaying that night over and over in his head, though for an entirely different reason. Other than the day after his birthday where she had acted wary and precocious around him, she'd gone back to normal after that. He felt more than relieved that he hadn't lost her over a lapse in judgment, and he did his best to back off when he was around her, just in case.

It had hurt, knowing for sure now that she didn't feel the same way about him, but it did nothing to dissuade the burning feelings in his chest that only grew with each passing day.

She didn't know it, but that night was like a gift to him. He'd lie in bed and replay every smile, every time he'd made her laugh, and how she'd smelled as the night breeze wafted her scent over him. He'd tuck away every new thing he'd learned about her, and silently rage at the thought of her being hurt the way she had been - both by Edmund and also the Others.

He wondered if someday, he'd be able to take that pain away. In the back of his mind, in the dark, destructive parts that would never leave him no matter how hard he tried to be someone else, he wondered if he'd ever end up hurting her the same way. Perhaps it was best she wasn't too close to him. He couldn't bear ever hurting her like that, and he knew he was more than capable of doing it.

One night, James dreamed. He was sitting back in that hammock and Juliet was there. He leaned in, but this time she didn't pull away. Inch by agonizing inch, she met his pace, until their lips were millimeters apart. He could feel her breath on his lips, and see the turquoise waves in her eyes.

She smiled shyly, and he could feel her words as they landed on his skin. "You were wrong."

James faltered. What? he tried to say - but the words wouldn't come out. He moved his lips but said nothing. She looked into his eyes expectantly, searching his face for some kind of answer, but he continued to say nothing.

He felt himself grow frustrated, now leaning back to look upon her properly. He tried to scream, "Wrong about what?" but still only silence weighed down on them. Finally, looking defeated and disappointed, Juliet nodded. She squeezed his hand and rose from the hammock. She rested the fingers of one hand on the tree holding up the hammock, and looked down at him. He felt frozen in place, pinned under her gaze.

She opened her mouth to speak once more, but it was too late. James jolted awake in his bed, the clanging of a pot still echoing in his room. Someone was in the kitchen making breakfast.

Rubbing a hand over his face, James checked the clock; seven minutes before his alarm was meant to go off. He sighed, and flopped back down onto his bed.

What the hell had that been about? What was he wrong about? He racked his brain for some kind of answer but came up empty. Had he been wrong about her behavior towards him lately? Was she pulling away, and he'd just been too desperate and stubborn to notice? Or was it something else? Had she done or said something the night of his birthday, or really any other night prior, to indicate she might feel something back for him? Gloomily, he knew the answer to that was a 'no' too.

He remembered the first time these feelings began to take root. They'd been in the jungle, and they'd hidden from the smoke monster. Her ass had been pressed against his thighs and he'd gripped her body hard. But where had her hands been? He tried to remember but he couldn't. He'd been too shocked and scared to pay attention. He'd do anything to be close to her like that again.

But she'd been so kind to him lately, too… She made him a cake and agreed to dance with him when he asked. (He swallowed hard, thinking about how her delicate fingers had felt in his). He also knew she'd let him win several rounds of poker. He hadn't noticed at first, but she always got a small little smirk on her face before 'folding.' Had that all really just been because of his birthday? He'd never really known that level of selfless kindness before. He'd never had a relationship of any kind where there weren't strings attached. Was this just how friends treated each other? Or was there something he was missing?

James growled in frustration as his alarm began to blare. He slapped it with one hand and grit his teeth, grinding them together. When was he ever going to learn? He was likely never going to understand her. She wasn't like his marks. But God, what he wouldn't give to just take one small peak into her mind. He wanted to know everything. He was no longer just curious - he was determined.

He swallowed thickly as he finally rose from his bed. He could hardly believe he'd let his feelings get this far. Somehow this felt worse than his feelings for Kate. At least he'd stood a chance with her, and had been able to be with her in the ways he wanted to be. But Juliet? She knew better - clearly.

But he stopped himself before he could go any further down that path. He couldn't let himself wallow. Because he was determined. He had to be. Because this feeling was eating away at him from the inside out and it wasn't going away any time soon.

He just had to try harder. He needed her to see that he wasn't Sawyer anymore - that he didn't want to be Him. He needed her to know that whatever he felt was genuine and tender, and he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon.

He just needed her to understand.

—-

A couple days later, her birthday arrived. Though he'd had several days to plan what he was going to do, the morning came and he still didn't know. It was a Tuesday, and they were both working today, so he wouldn't see her until after they got off.

He thought about making her a cake, but he couldn't bake worth a damn. He got paid so little by the D.I., even if he had had enough to order her something nice, he would have had to put the order in ages ago.

Throughout the entirety of his shift, he thought about what he could possibly do. To apologize for being too forward, to show her how much he cared, to show that he hadn't forgotten to get her something for her birthday - for all of it.

But then Jerry's voice called out to him over the walkie. He was needed at the fence, so he sighed and pressed pause on his desperately-grasping-at-straws inner torture and grabbed a gun before setting off, trying to trust that he'd figure something out eventually.

A few hours later, freshly showered and wearing a loose, green cotton dress, Juliet opened the front door to greet Jin, Miles, and James. "Happy birthday!" they all shouted in unison, and it brought a flash of color to her cheeks at the overwhelming affection. She placed her hands on either side of her face, bubbling over with emotion.

"Thank you guys!" she gushed. They grinned at her and she finally stepped aside to allow them in.

Jin carried bags of groceries inside and got to work making one of her favorite meals: his pork fried rice. Miles gave her a nod as he carefully walked into her dining room, carrying a misshapen vanilla cake with white frosting. It looked a little sloppy, but she beamed when she saw how he gently placed it on the table with a care she'd rarely seen from him.

Finally, James stepped across the threshold with one arm held behind his back. She bit her lip and eyed him curiously, but he only grinned at her, holding firm.

"Whatcha got there, James?" she asked slowly.

"Your present," he stated, and still refused to remove his hand.

"Can I have it?" she laughed, and it made him laugh too.

"Well I couldn't wrap it, so I had to hide it somehow," he explained, and pulled his arm around so she could see. It was a beautiful bouquet of yellow and white wildflowers, held together with what looked like a rubber band. It took her breath away.

She reached out a hand and delicately stroked the petals of the largest yellow flower in the center. "James…" she started, and shook her head in awe. "These are absolutely beautiful. Did you make this?"

He nodded proudly. "Yep. I picked 'em myself earlier today. I hope ya like 'em…"

Juliet laughed and took the bouquet from him. "I love them!" she exclaimed, and pressed her face in closer to smell them. The sweet and floral aroma tickled her nose, but brought her a joy she hadn't expected. Before she even realized what she was doing, she was wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pressing herself tightly against him in a hug.

He tensed at first, not knowing how to react, but soon his strong arms wrapped around her back and he pulled her in. It almost broke him, having her this close, but he tried to memorize the way it felt and he inhaled deeply, breathing in the scent of her.

Surprisingly, she found herself doing the same. He smelled wonderfully manly, either from his cologne or his shampoo or both. Or perhaps it was just him. She sighed against his shoulder and her eyes snapped open. She pulled away, suddenly aware of the tightness of his muscles and the warmth of his body.

She flashed him a grateful smile. "Thank you, James. These are absolutely beautiful. I really love them." She saw his dimples flash, and perhaps a tinge of color rise to his cheeks, before she entered the kitchen to try and find a vase to put them in.

She felt flustered and overwhelmed as she left him at the doorway. She was so glad they were still friends, and had put the whole 'Never Have I Ever' incident out of their minds. Even though she hadn't; not really. She'd thought about it every day since. But they were okay, her and James. They were good. And she needed them to stay that way.

But it was better this way. Wasn't it? They couldn't go beyond that - they couldn't be more than friends. She still didn't even trust that she knew what he wanted. But if he did in fact like her as more than a friend, there was nothing she could do about that. She couldn't afford to get into something with him; she wasn't ready. She'd been through too much, and so had he. She wasn't Kate, and she refused to be a rebound just because she was the one who was here with him. It wasn't fair to either of them.

But God… the way he'd smiled at her. The way he'd hugged her so tightly. The way he'd smelled… all of it made her stomach twist and her heart beat so erratically it felt like she couldn't breathe.

And despite her best efforts, despite every wall she'd put up around her mind and her heart, she knew then. She placed the flowers in the vase, and looked over her shoulder at him. He was still watching her, as she instinctively knew he would be.

And there it was. Something bloomed inside her body, lighting her blood on fire and causing goosebumps to erupt all over her skin.

She was fucked.

—-

"You saw that, didn't you?" Miles hissed at Jin as they watched Juliet place the bouquet of flowers in the center of the dining room table next to his ugly cake. He leaned up against the counter next to Jin, who was cooking dinner.

"I saw," Jin agreed solemnly. "What we do?"

Miles sighed. "I don't know, man. But I told you. I saw this coming like a mile away."

"But they do not know?" Jin asked quietly as he continued to saute the meat.

Miles shook his head and watched James and Juliet as they sat down at the dining room table, talking politely. "I don't know. I can't tell."

"He look at her like that… he knows," Jin said assuredly.

"I don't know. Jim's an idiot. He's smart, but he's an idiot. I don't think there's anything we can do. We shouldn't interfere, right?"

"Right."

"Okay then. I guess just… I don't know, I guess we continue on as normal and see if they figure it out for themselves. But this is going to get really annoying really fast, you know that right?"

"Love is not … uh… an-noy-ying," he enunciated, careful to say the word correctly. "We stay out of it."

"Yeah, exactly. For now."

"For now?" Jin questioned, confused.

"Yeah for now. They're our friends, aren't they?"

"Yes… but…"

"Right. So for now, we stay out of it. Mind our own business. But I'm not gonna sit around and let 'em be miserable for too long, though. It's gonna drive me crazy. Not because I care one way or the other about them gettin' off or whatever but soon it's gonna start affecting us. Don't you see?" Miles shook his head. "We're gonna be in the middle of all that tension and it's gonna break us up, like the Beatles."

"Beatles?"

"Yeah, you know. Yoko coming in and ruining everything. Except this time I think maybe Jim's Yoko. But whatever. It doesn't matter. Look - we're all we have here, okay? We can't let them ruin this. Ya understand?"

Jin nodded, if only to get Miles to shut up and let him cook in peace. He didn't understand. Affairs of the heart shouldn't be meddled with. If they didn't figure things out, that was their problem, not his or Miles's.

"Okay then," Miles agreed, and popped a carrot into his mouth. "Well. Let's get the party started, I guess."

At the table, Juliet sighed contentedly. This was what she'd been wanting for so long. To belong.