A/N: Three things: One, October is my favorite month, and two, I gotta give credit to eponine119 for being a wonderful beta reader and helping me rethink this chapter. Three, I've finally signed up for instagram just to stalk EM's page and gosh almighty I just fucking love her. That's all.
(P.S. - sorry for the length, I know it's long, but I just can't help it. I've been so excited for this chapter, hopefully it's not a slog).
—-
I'm quiet, you're not
You make a first impression
But I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind
Even the best fall down sometime
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide
Howie Day, Collide
—-
Chapter 8: Collision
One of the things Juliet missed most about living in the States, besides more or less everything, was the chance to experience cooler weather. She didn't like the cold, but there was nothing quite like a crisp, fall day. They didn't get that kind of weather often in Miami, but when they did, she'd throw on a sweater, drink hot chocolate, and snuggle up with a good book.
Here on the island, the weather was usually hot, warm, or less warm. She only owned one sweater and she only got to pull it out after the sun went down, and even then, the air would be so muggy she didn't usually keep it on for too long. She was pleasantly surprised when she woke up one morning and actually felt goosebumps on her arms as she got ready for work. Her jumpsuit felt cozy rather than suffocating, and she smiled so hard that by the time she stepped out onto her porch and drank in the early morning air, her cheeks were cramping.
It was Friday night in early October, and tonight was the first of three 'Freaky Friday Movie Nights.' Juliet had initially laughed at the title Horace had come up with when he eagerly presented the idea to them at dinner a few weeks ago, but he'd only narrowed his eyes questioningly at her in response. She felt James kick her under the table with his good foot and it was then she realized the movie must not have come out yet. Time travel really was a bitch.
She could hardly wait for the showing, though. Juliet loved horror films, and they were starting strong tonight with 'Rosemary's Baby.' On her way to work, she saw Amy directing several people as they carried various pieces of furniture into the rec room. It had been so long since she'd seen a movie, let alone a movie on a projector, that she felt like a kid at Christmas. She realized she couldn't get through the work day fast enough. It felt good to have something to look forward to.
"Hey, Amy!" Juliet called, and approached the flustered redhead. "Nice clipboard," she teased, and Amy shot her a harried look.
"Hi, Juliet. On your way in?"
"Yep. Thought I'd come see how things were coming along." She peaked her head into the rec room. A couple of the work men were putting up the projector screen, stretching out the flat, white canvas and making sure the poles weren't crooked.
"It's going okay, I think. I just hope everyone has fun, you know?" Amy scanned her clipboard and whispered to herself under her breath.
"It's going to be fine," Juliet assured her, using the voice she'd used so many times with worried patients. "Horace said everyone really likes Halloween around here." Including Juliet.
If anyone were to ask, Juliet would say that Thanksgiving was her favorite holiday (as it was the mature, adult thing to say), but deep down, it had always been Halloween. It wasn't because she cared that much about dressing up or trick-or-treating, though she and Rachel had certainly enjoyed that as children. It was because of all the events leading up to the holiday, like pumpkin carving, scary movie screenings, and hayrides. It was one of her deepest secrets; she didn't think adults were supposed to care that much for a cultural holiday surrounding witchcraft and demons, and dressing up to beg for candy. But she really did love it, and looked forward to it every year prior to being on the island. During her time with the Others, there were no children, so the holiday passed by without acknowledgment.
"Yeah, you're right. Horace just wants everything to be perfect." Meaning, Amy wanted everything to be perfect. "You know, I should be blaming you for my never-ending to-do list," Amy added with a smirk. "I do recall some of this being your idea." She waved the clipboard out in front of her, and Juliet laughed sheepishly.
"Hey, he asked for ideas!" Juliet held up her hands in mock surrender. Back in September, the four had attended a dinner party at Amy's with her and Horace. Horace wanted to check in with them, or so he said, but he'd spent most of the time discussing his upcoming plans for the D.I. When he'd asked for festive fall events to spice up what they normally did for the community at large, Juliet had casually suggested a corn maze or haunted house, something of the like. Horace had jumped on the idea, and by the end of the night had figured out a great place to map out a maze in the forest within the boundary of the sonic fence, instead. It would be cheaper than ordering all the supplies for a corn maze, he'd said, and would challenge him and the other scientists to create it.
Juliet had met his excitement word for word, interjecting here and there with more and more ideas on how to make this logistically work. Horace had been quite impressed with her knowledge of the island terrain and general business sense. James had wrinkled his nose at her terrible attempt at hiding her enthusiasm, but she'd ignored him. He could tease her all he wanted, but she was just plain excited, and he was going to have to get over it. At this point, she just needed anything to keep her mind off her feelings for him. And if people judged her for enjoying the festivities this month like a little kid, so be it.
"He did, he did," Amy agreed with a sigh. "He cares so much, you know? The D.I. is his life and he just wants everyone to have a little piece of home here on the island. It's why he went all out with fireworks last fourth of July. So we will see how this goes!" She smiled, aiming to look optimistic. "The pumpkins we normally import won't be ready until November, so we'll just have to use those as decoration for Thanksgiving instead. The movies we do every year but people really look forward to carving the pumpkins, you know? Hopefully this is a good replacement activity."
"Do you know when it'll be ready?" Juliet inquired, and Amy scanned her notes.
"Um, let's see… the sub's coming in tomorrow with the decorations we ordered. We've got a few volunteers for setting them up, which is great. The boundary lines have already been drawn, so... I think a couple more weeks?" She looked up at Juliet and nodded. Juliet grinned. She couldn't help it. She was really excited.
After the dinner party at Amy's, Juliet realized she desperately, achingly yearned for real happiness. Not just in the little ways she tricked her brain into believing it was happy, like how she looked forward to watching the movie tonight, but she craved actual peace and contentment. So, so badly, Juliet just wanted to stop feeling like she was trapped, and start trying to enjoy things again. She was stuck on the island, there was no denying that, but the mood couldn't be dour all the time. Every so often, she allowed herself a small window of time to be happy and not think of when and where they were, or of all the things she was missing out on back home. She had to, or she would have lost her sanity long ago. With each passing day, Juliet grew more and more convinced she'd never see Rachel again. She'd spent the last four and a half months agonized over still being here, but perhaps it was time she finally start accepting it. The beach day had been wonderful and invigorating, and now she had this. If she could keep finding little ways to be happy to make it through this imprisonment, maybe she would be okay.
But lately, more often than not, she found that those 'little things' weren't always enough. She'd ride the high of whatever was going on in that moment, and then she'd be alone again, and the quiet would be too loud. It was a breeding ground for insecurity and longing, and soon her brain would overwhelm her, and she'd home in on the things she didn't have, versus the things she did. She'd then remember where (and when) she was, and despair would eat her alive. It was a cycle she didn't know how to break, but she wanted to.
"You're doing a great job, Amy," Juliet encouraged, and laid her palm on Amy's forearm. Amy looked at her appreciatively. "I've gotta get going, but I'll see you tonight, okay?"
"Okay. Thanks, Juliet." Amy smiled, and walked into the rec room. Juliet continued to the motor pool, breathing in the clean air and graciously feeling pretty good.
She thought if perhaps she tried hard enough, she could be happy. Even if it was just for a little while. The beach day had certainly shown her it was within reach. She just needed to know how to find it. A small voice in the back of her mind asked if James was the answer, but she shut it down. Juliet was tenacious - James didn't feel that way toward her, and even if he did, he was mistaken. He'd get a faraway look in his eyes anytime someone brought up their missing 'crew,' or on those rare occasions when Jin actually opened up about Sun. It was obvious to her that he simply missed Kate, but she didn't blame him. He loved her, after all. She'd seen it with her own two eyes. No - the two of them would never work; if anything it was just mutual attraction, and that would pass in time, she was certain of it. She couldn't bear to entertain the possibility that there could be a chance she was wrong.
She clocked in, and grabbed her own clipboard with the list of tasks for her for the day. She adjusted her bandana and decided to change the tire on van #4 first. She tried to keep James off her mind, but as always, her attempts were futile. He was healing faster than even the doctor had anticipated, and was scheduled to take his physical test on Sunday. He could walk on his foot without the crutches now, and should be getting the cast off any minute, as he was scheduled to go in to see Ken first thing this morning.
Juliet loosened the bolts on the tire and half wondered if she should leave for a few minutes to check on him, even though she'd only just arrived. He seemed to be doing much better and was antsy to get back to his regular duties. He'd been antagonistic and stubborn as of late, and Juliet was grateful she didn't have to live with him. She assumed Miles and Jin must be just as ready as James was for things to go back to normal.
But in the end she decided it was best to leave him be. She wanted to get her work done so she could leave early. They were giving up game night to see the movie, but they were still going together. She'd check in on him then. For now, she just needed to get through the day, and a small smile crept onto her face as she let her daydreaming take hold.
—-
At the rec room that evening, his foot washed and scrubbed and back in his normal boots for the first time in weeks, James felt like a new man. He'd showered, shaved, and put on his favorite Dharma cologne. He knew it wasn't a date, and they were going together as a group, but he couldn't help himself. He wanted to be prepared, just in case. Ever since his accident, James had been a man on a mission: he needed to show her that he was no longer the scoundrel he'd once been. Perhaps if she was proud of him, he could learn to be proud of himself, and the only way to keep her from losing faith in him was to show her how much he'd changed.
Jin, apparently, was too superstitious to sit through the movie and had instead opted for a quiet night at home. James didn't blame him. He wasn't much for horror movies himself, and had only seen 'Rosemary's Baby' once. He didn't remember much of it, but for a 60s movie he was sure it hadn't been that bad.
As they made their way inside the rec room, Juliet craned her neck to scope out seats. She was practically vibrating with giddiness. James had never seen anything like it with her. Ever since his accident, she'd been a bit distant with him. He'd tried so hard not to be grouchy around her during his recovery, and had flirted with her relentlessly, but it hadn't made much of a difference. She was never unkind, but she never seemed totally happy either. Now, as she dragged him and Miles to the comfiest-looking chairs in the back of the room, he couldn't help but smirk at her childlike glee. He'd do whatever it took to make her smile like this, even sitting through a (probably) shitty movie.
Before the movie started, Miles brought them all popcorn and Juliet patted James's leg in excitement. After the lights went down, James's heart sped up. The chairs were close together and her left thigh was pressed firmly against his right. He could feel her warmth even through their jeans, and he swallowed roughly, wondering if this had been a good idea after all.
About twenty minutes in, James felt a pinch on his left arm. Miles's eyes were wide and he was jerking his head toward Juliet. James narrowed his eyebrows, and Miles silently mimicked lifting his arm up and putting it on the empty chair beside him, indicating James should try and do the same. James pressed his lips together in a firm line and shook his head before staring back up at the screen, scowling.
Miles rolled his eyes and gave up. Ever since James saved his life, he'd felt this stupid debt to his friend. He absolutely hated the feeling of owing anybody anything and had had the situation completely under control until the raging Southern bull flew into the hostile, knocking them both off the edge. The feeling irked him relentlessly, and hadn't abated even as Miles had helped take care of James during those first few days after the accident. He supposed it could have been because Jin and Juliet were helping too, but he wasn't sure. Either way, it was driving him crazy and he needed to find a way to pay him back somehow. He absolutely revolted against the idea of playing matchmaker, but clearly those two were too stupid or too blind to see what was in front of them and Jin was too conservative to get involved. He didn't know what he was going to do about it without pissing them off or making the situation worse, so he gave up for now and continued watching the movie, shaking his head in annoyance.
Halfway through the movie, James was sweating. Stupid fucking Miles had gotten the idea into James's head to put his arm around Juliet, and now here he was, barely paying attention, because her arm was leaning against his. She smelled like lemons and mint and something floral. Her smell and the way the light of the projector danced in her wide eyes… It was too much. It clouded his brain. If he were to move it around her, he'd jostle her, startling her from whatever trance this scary ass movie had her in. But it was a good move, wasn't it? Putting his arm around her in a dark room, watching a movie that (for whatever crazy fucking reason) made her happy? The setting was perfect - he just needed to execute.
But he couldn't, so he tried to think of what else to do. By the time Rosemary was about to give birth, he hadn't done a damn thing and was filled to the brim with self-loathing. This used to be so goddamn easy for him, but with her it was like fucking calculus or rocket science. This shouldn't be so hard, and it wouldn't be, if she hadn't made her opinion on the matter known already. But James didn't back down from a challenge.
Soon, an opportunity arose. She shifted in her chair, looking green while Rosemary gave birth. James felt her tense, and it suddenly made sense. She'd been a fertility specialist; she'd helped women give birth before. And as he also knew, she'd lost women as they gave birth, too.
Gently, he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Her eyes flicked to his, and he held her gaze. She gave him a sad smile, in gratitude for his intuitive understanding, and leaned into him, her shoulder tucked under his armpit.
Even after the childbirth scene ended, he held onto her. Something about it felt so inherently right, it actually scared him. She fit so well against him, and nothing about the connection felt as weird as he might have once imagined it to be. When the movie ended and it was time to move his arm back, he felt his heart sink. He didn't want to let go of her.
The lights flicked on as the credits rolled, and James squinted against the harsh neon lights. The three of them stretched, and began to filter out of the rec room with the rest of the moviegoers. He was tempted to take her hand, but he refrained.
Until he saw Ben. The kid, who was way too young to be watching this movie, was hanging out on the side by the doors. James wondered if he'd snuck in. Now that he knew who he was, the resemblance was unmistakable. The wide-eyed expression, the glasses, the pursed lips, the pointed chin… there was no denying it now, and James hadn't spent as much time with Ben as Juliet had. He was certain that if she knew about Ben being here, she would have said something by now.
Panicking, James took her hand and led her around the people exiting, heading in the opposite flow of traffic. "James, where are we going?" she asked him a little harshly, surprised by the sudden change in direction.
He held firm to her hand. "Gonna go talk to Horace," he replied, though he didn't even know if Horace was in the front of the room or not. When they arrived, he was nowhere to be seen.
"You were saying?" she goaded, giving James a sarcastic tilt of her head.
He grumbled. "Okay, fine. I thought I saw him up here. Nevermind then, princess." When his eyes scanned the back of the room, Ben was gone. He sighed in relief, and they left with the rest of the Initiates.
The second movie night was held on the following Friday, and James was disappointed to learn it was going to be 'Little Shop of Horrors,' and all the kids were invited too. He'd made sure the four of them sat in the front this time, which limited his ability to hit on her in the dark. Though, he wasn't sure he really wanted to, in front of the kid; because as expected, Ben was there sitting in the back with a little girl his age. It felt weird, having him so near and not actively wanting to strangle him.
By the end, Juliet seemed to have enjoyed herself, but admitted to being a bigger fan of slasher flicks. The four of them spent the rest of the evening at Juliet's house talking about their favorite movies from childhood, and what genres they liked best. It had been a normal conversation amongst friends and had taken James's mind off the little cretin who'd made his hair stand on end.
Jin was adamantly opposed to any movie having to do with gore, ghosts, demon possession, or anything of the like, but he was pleasantly surprised by 'Little Shop of Horrors.' James made the mistake of calling 'Rosemary's Baby' scary, and had now been called a wimp not only by Miles, but by Juliet too. James had scowled when Juliet linked her arm through Miles's and said if James was 'too scared' to go to the last movie, he certainly didn't have to - that Miles would go with her. Fucking Miles.
Horace announced the last and final movie to be 'Night of The Living Dead,' which gave James hope that perhaps Ben wouldn't be there this time. Surely kids wouldn't be allowed into a gruesome movie like that, right?
It hardly mattered though, because it seemed like ever since James first encountered Ben, he practically saw the kid everywhere: walking to school, eating in the cafeteria, being scolded by Roger in front of what James knew now to be their house. He didn't understand it - they'd gone over four months without even knowing Ben was there, and now that James knew who he was, he was seemingly everywhere; like a lingering spirit, haunting their every move all month long. He doubted the kid was doing it on purpose; James had no choice but to admit that they seemed like mere chance encounters.
Despite every drop of hate that burned in his belly for Ben, a small part of James actually felt sorry for the kid that he saw. It was hard to rectify the fact that the boy would someday grow up to hurt so many people. Sometimes, James even saw a reflection of his past self - a scraggly little boy who just wanted to be normal and loved. But he wasn't. Not by a long shot. He didn't know what hurt worse, seeing Ben be treated like that here and now, or knowing somewhere out there in the real world, he was being treated just the same.
But he couldn't let himself go down that road. He had enough going on as it was. So, he'd do the same thing each and every time he saw little Ben - he'd avert his eyes, go about his business, and suppress the rage that flared to life inside his heart.
The last movie night was held on the third Friday. As expected, Ben was nowhere in sight and the whole thing went off without a hitch. James spent half the movie cringing, despite the fact that it was clearly fake and outdated in its technology. On his third or fourth sharp inhale though, James was pleased to feel Juliet's fingers slip into his. She squeezed hard, and James's stomach leapt into his throat. His eyes flicked to hers, and he found her watching him. It made him feel embarrassed, to be caught being so freaked out by such an old film, but she didn't look at him with any pity or judgment. She just wanted him to know that she was there for him, and he gave right in to her. He held her hand the entire rest of the movie, unable to keep the shit-eating grin from his face.
—-
"Okay, so I know it's only five days out, but I think we should have a Halloween party," Miles fervently suggested as they trudged down to the start of the forest maze. Their time slot was coming up and they didn't want to be late. Or rather, Juliet didn't. She was chomping at the bit.
"A party?" Jin wrinkled his nose. He didn't much care for parties.
"Yeah, it'll be fun! Come on, we'll make everyone wear costumes, obviously, and we can just get wasted and play music and chill." He shrugged, and Juliet smirked.
"I'm not hosting it at my house, it's too small," she commented.
"Fine, our place then. We can get Horace to give us the booze and borrow some of Amy's records. Rosie and Jerry are on the outs and I hear she's looking to score," Miles said while wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.
"And you think she'll sleep with you, Enos? Yeah, right," James chuckled, earning a snicker from Jin.
They arrived at the start of the maze and Juliet beamed as she took it all in. The entrance was covered in an arch of faux spiderwebs, and torches were staked into the ground. There was a sign overtop that said 'Enter If You Dare,' and the waning afternoon sun cast shadows into the treeline. It was perfect.
"The sign here says to take a flare gun," Juliet informed them, and handed them each one.
"Yeah, my idea," James informed them, proud of his contribution. "So the bozos who can't find their way out don't die."
"Nobody's gonna die, James," Juliet said and rolled her eyes. "It's not that big."
"And how the hell would you know how big it is, sweetheart?" he teased, and grinned devilishly. Juliet's face burned at the innuendo. "How's about we make this interesting?" he drawled, and tossed the flare gun from one hand to the other. "Jules and I go one way, you two yahoos go the other. We race to see who gets out first. Deal?"
"What we get if we win?" Jin said and rubbed his hands together. He loved a good bet.
"Name your price," James offered, pleased to see he'd accomplished what he'd wanted, which was to spend time with Juliet alone. They hadn't been alone in the jungle since they'd first arrived here. Miles caught his eye and shook his head in either disappointment or amazement, perhaps both.
"You do laundry for… a week," Jin offered, looking at James.
Juliet laughed, glad she was being kept out of the bet. "And if we win, you cook dinner for a week." Jin wrinkled his nose. "Come on! You're the best cook between the four of us. What do you say?"
"What about Miles?" James cried out, but Miles shot him a warning look. When his eyes flicked to Juliet, James grew serious, understanding the silent threat. "Ugh fine, nevermind. I agree to the terms, I guess. Miles is throwin' the party an' all - gonna be a busy bee."
Jin considered. "Okay. Deal." They shook on it, and Miles and Jin went in first. The path immediately split to the left and the right, cordoned off with thick rope. The guys went to the left. Suckers, James thought with a chuckle. Aren't you always supposed to stick to the right in a maze? He wasn't sure, but it sure sounded smart.
"I hope you realize I'm not going to help you with their laundry if we lose," Juliet asserted, and led the way inside the forest. She turned right, and James followed, hot on her heels.
"And why the hell not? We're a team!" he complained.
"Because! I wasn't included in any of that, which is fine with me. You're on your own, mister."
"How 'bout you and I make our own bargain?" James suggested. They came to another split, and Juliet only hesitated for a moment before turning right again. "We win, and you get to dine at Cafe Kwon all week. But if we lose, ya come to the party dressed as a sexy nurse or somethin'."
The hit a dead end and Juliet chuckled despite her flaming embarrassment. Sure, James flirted with her relentlessly, but he'd never been so brazen about it. He was getting bold, and it tickled a small part of her in a way she didn't expect it to. "You wish, cowboy," she muttered, and backtracked before making another sharp turn.
He smiled, knowing she never would have agreed to his proposition. But he certainly had loved seeing the color on her cheeks and the shy dip of her chin. She had no idea how gorgeous she was when she looked like that. "Aw come on! You're takin' this thing real seriously, Blondie!"
"Well, do you want to lose?" she raised her eyebrows at him, smiling. "Because you know I don't. Jin rarely ever feels like cooking anymore." Juliet wondered if it was because it was getting closer and closer to Sun's would-be due date, back in their own time. She'd tried to tell him that they didn't know how parallelled their current time was with the time they'd been pulled from, but it didn't matter. She'd been eight weeks just before Christmas, and had been rescued in January. They'd been in 1974 for five months, which meant Sun would be giving birth sometime in the next few weeks. It wasn't lost on Jin that he was most assuredly going to miss it.
"Yeah, yeah," James grumbled in reply, and they walked in silence for a few moments while Juliet tried to collect her bearings. While they walked, James couldn't help but admire the decor and the lengths Horace had gone through to set the stage. There were fake cobwebs everywhere, as well as skeletons (mostly at dead ends, which he assumed must have been Horace's attempt at a joke). It really only served to remind James of Roger, which made him feel slightly ill. There was caution tape, baby dolls without heads, and as they rounded one corner, they found a scary ass clown staring back at them. All of that, plus the now setting sun, and James had to admit he felt particularly wigged out.
"Why do you like this stuff so much?" he asked, seeing the glee dancing in her eyes as they walked down a long, straight section of the maze.
"I don't know. I just do," she replied with a shrug. "Is it so hard to believe? I mean, did you forget what my favorite book is?"
Of course he hadn't forgotten. He'd thought it was weird when he'd found out, but he definitely saw her love for spooky shit now. He had to admit, it was pretty damn cute, and he loved that he was still learning new things about her every day. "How could I forget? Every time I come over to your place, it's still on the damn coffee table."
Juliet chuckled, taking another right turn. "I read other things, I promise. I just like having it out, is all."
"Yeah, sure. How many times ya think you read it by now?"
"Mmmm… I'm not sure. A few," she said cryptically, and threw him a sultry look over her shoulder, knowing how much he hated when she was so vague.
"Okay fine then. When's the last time ya read it before ya ordered it from Mr. Boss Man? Betcha never thought you'd be able to get a first edition, huh?"
Juliet came across a tree stump with a bloodied axe sticking out of it. It gave her the chills, and she turned left. "When your plane crashed, I was hosting a book club," she admitted, and instantly regretted her blasé choice of words. They sounded insensitive, and she whirled around expecting him to be furious, but he only furrowed his brows in consternation. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"
"What's to mean? You were just speakin' the truth, I guess," he said, giving her the grace she didn't feel she deserved. "But book club though? Really? Y'all really took suburbia to a whole new level…"
"I'd been stuck here for three years. I know it sounds lame, but the book club was my idea. You know, a way to try and make friends I guess." She bit her lip, remembering how she did everything in her power to rebel against Ben whenever she could, including picking a book she knew he'd hate. "I was just trying to find a way to live my life again, I suppose." Though it wasn't the one she wanted to live, it had been something.
"Well, I gotta hand it to ya, Blondie. This is also a mighty fine idea ya had." James looked up at the sky. It was dark blue, like the color of her eyes. He tried not to feel nervous, and fingered his flare gun just to be sure he still had it.
She watched him curiously as they turned around at another dead end, this time finding several rubber snakes and bugs placed like they were crawling out of a log. "You're not scared, are you James?"
"Me? Nah. No way. I'm out here all the time. And besides, we're within the fence, ain't we? Nothin' can get us in here…" He straightened his spine and Juliet smirked. He looked like he was trying to convince himself, not her, but she'd never tell him that. "I guess, ya know, bein' on a creepy magical island an' all… Why does anyone feel the need to be even more freaked out here?" He shuddered, thinking about the whispers and the smoke monster, lurking somewhere out there.
"Because they haven't seen what we've seen, James. To them, this island is a paradise. It's only a prison to us." She stopped in her tracks and turned to face him. "Besides, it's easier to be scared of fake stuff than real stuff, don't you think?" She stood so close to him, she could feel the heat emanating from his body.
She wasn't scared by the maze at all; only the feelings contained within it. And so was he. He didn't want to feel this way about her either, yet there they both stood - looking into each other's eyes and holding back all the words they didn't have the courage to say. Her eyes glittered in the twilight, and James swallowed hard.
Before he could think too much about what he was doing, he gently pulled Juliet into a hug. She leaned her cheek against his shoulder and loosely wrapped her arms around his waist while he settled his along her upper back. Even surrounded by the dim, spooky woods, Juliet felt surprisingly safe.
"I ain't gonna let any 'a this stuff hurt ya, Blondie. Real or fake." Juliet smiled and inhaled the rich scent of his cologne.
"I know," she confirmed. She desperately wanted to believe him, but she knew without a shadow of a doubt that if anyone had the power to hurt her, it was James Ford. It was what still held her back, even after all this time. She couldn't risk going any further than this.
Suddenly, it didn't matter to her whether they won or not. She wanted to stand here with him, listening to the crickets and scufflings of the forest, surrounded by his scent and his warmth. She didn't want to let go.
But eventually he pulled away and took her hand in his, tugging her along. "Come on, sunshine. I really don't wanna have to do their goddamn laundry." Juliet laughed and allowed him to pull her along. It felt nice to let him take the lead.
—-
On Halloween night, Juliet arrived at James, Miles, and Jin's house dressed as a black cat. Amy had helped her with the costume earlier that day. It had taken them forever to come up with something not only doable in the short amount of time they had, but comfortable and relevant for a Halloween costume party. She'd decided on black leggings, a tight black tank top, and a black headband with faux fur cat ears sewn in, courtesy of Amy. She had thick black makeup around her eyes, and rosy pink cheeks with whiskers drawn in eyeliner. Amy's exact response upon seeing Juliet before she left had been an apt "Meee-yowww," which did nothing but cause a ripple of nerves to flutter through Juliet's body. She wasn't trying to be sexy - she didn't want to give anyone the wrong idea. She just thought the get-up was cute.
She'd evaluated her appearance in the mirror at Amy's house, and she had to admit: she did look pretty damn good. The tank top didn't show too much cleavage and the leggings weren't too tight, but it was definitely clear what she was going for, and Juliet was happy with it.
When she arrived, she opened the front door of the guys' house and saw that people were already milling about inside. She saw fellow Initiates dressed as a sailor, a Native American, a witch, several slutty nurses (of whom James must have been thrilled with), and even a guy wearing nothing but boxers, a bathrobe, and bunny slippers. She was certain there was a joke there somewhere, but she must have missed it.
The music was loud, and the sickly sweet, tangy smell of booze hit her in the face the moment she walked in, as did the distinct odor of marijuana. Amy had sent her on ahead, as she was still getting ready, so Juliet felt a little exposed walking in alone. She had certainly seen many of these people before, as they'd been living here since May, but she knew very few of them by name.
By the time Juliet made her way into the kitchen, she finally spotted Jin and Miles, who were serving as bartenders. Miles was, to Juliet's utter delight, dressed as a zombie. He had pale makeup, slashed, bloodied clothing, and smelled strongly of ketchup. Jin on the other hand, was dressed as a pirate, wearing mismatched clothing from the communal clothing bin Horace kept for emergencies, plus an eyepatch and a toy cutlass draped across his hip. He wore a bandana across his wild, curly hair, and the sight of his delightful effort to participate made her smile.
"I like your sword," Juliet commented, voice raised to be heard over the music. Jin laughed and gave her a thumbs up. His cheeks turned pink, and Juliet realized it must have come across as completely inappropriate innuendo. She'd been spending way too much time with James, it seemed.
Miles laughed. "If you like Jin's sword, just wait til ya see Jim!" Miles teased, wiggling his eyebrows at her. She had to admit, the comment made her curious (as well as deeply unsettled).
She didn't have to wait long before a low, Southern drawl wolf whistled at her from behind. "Well, my my my - lookie who we got here, boys. We got our very own pussycat." She whipped her head around to give him shit for being so crass, but the words died in her throat.
James Ford was a goddamn Greek God.
His dirty blond hair was brushed back, and a handmade laurel crown sat atop his head. He was completely naked from the waist up, with a white bedsheet acting as a toga draped over his left shoulder. Juliet couldn't help it - her eyes roamed his body, stunned by the contrast of his tanned skin against the white sheet. The get-up ended just above his knees - he wasn't wearing any pants.
"Are you…?" she started to ask, and then thought better of it. But it didn't matter. James strutted up to stand beside her - too close, really - and answered the question she hadn't dared ask.
"Why don't you find out?" he purred, and Juliet felt her knees go weak. She told herself he was not going commando. He wouldn't risk it, not in a room full of people. But only wearing boxers wasn't that much better.
Embarrassed, Juliet felt her cheeks flush and quickly averted her eyes. James made a "hmm, hmm" sound in the back of his throat, like a restrained laugh. She knew she was caught, but what could she do?
Miles slid a bright red drink her way. "Dirty Shirley," he announced, and raised a glass of his own to clink against hers. She hadn't planned on drinking but… why not? It was a party, and she wanted to have fun. She grinned and gave into Miles's invitation before throwing back some of the sweet drink. It burned her throat, but she smiled and licked her lips. It was tasty.
James felt his knees go weak. Watching her sip her fruity little drink, with so much skin showing, with that makeup making her electric blue eyes pop against her pale skin - it was a good thing the toga had plenty of folds and wrinkles. She looked fucking stunning.
But she looked cute too, with her fur ears and carefully hand-drawn whiskers. Everything about her was overwhelming. And when he'd watched her eyes slide up and down his body? He swelled with pride, his confidence busting at the seams.
"Wanna play beer pong?" he asked her, and grinned as she tossed back the rest of her drink. She nodded tentatively, almost shyly, and set her glass on the kitchen counter before following James into the dining room where they'd set up the cups. Most of the party guests were dancing in the living room, completely grooving, but Horace and Jerry were already hanging out by the table, so James invited them to play.
They paired off, James and Juliet on one team, and Horace and Jerry on another. As it turned out, Horace (surprisingly) excelled at the game, and an hour later, Juliet found that she was tipsy as hell. James had a strong buzz, but overall he was doing okay. He was only slightly worried when Juliet excused herself to go get some fresh air. He hoped she wasn't already feeling sick, and figured if she wasn't back in ten minutes, he'd go check on her.
Outside, Juliet fanned her face as she sat on their front porch. She needed to slow down - the alcohol was catching up with her - but the fresh, cool air felt wonderful on her face. She watched as children milled about, carrying baskets of candy. It warmed her heart to see that even on a distant, tropical island, these kids were still having those quintessential childhood experiences like the joys of trick-or-treating.
It didn't surprise her when a young girl with brown hair and a young boy with glasses approached her as she sat on the porch. She smiled sweetly at them, and announced sadly, "I'm sorry, I don't have any candy. But I like your costumes!"
The brown haired girl smiled. "Thanks! I'm a rockstar," she announced proudly, and did a little twirl. Juliet laughed. The girl was convincing in her black pants, wild hair, and a guitar made out of cardboard. She was wearing what looked like a dozen beaded necklaces and even her shirt had a guitar on it.
The boy, however, was a bit harder to figure out. He was wearing green pants and a green shirt, with what might have been dirt smudged under his eyes. An older man approached them as the girl showed Juliet her fake guitar, and Juliet eyed him with curiosity.
"What did you dress as?" she asked the boy nicely. He frowned, thinking it was completely obvious.
"Oh. I'm an army man," he said quietly, and Juliet nodded. She saw it now.
The man behind the children snickered, and Juliet looked back up at him. He was wearing jeans and a white t-shirt with a beer in his hand. Something about the way the man slouched and swayed on his feet didn't sit right with Juliet. "Something funny?" she asked, in the same polite tone she'd used with the children, though it had a bit more bite to it.
"I just told him, is all," the man replied. "I told him his costume didn't make a lick 'a sense."
The comment caught Juliet off guard. The costume did make sense, but the boy frowned and looked discouraged. Just as Juliet was about to say something, the girl scoffed and bravely took the boy's hand in hers. "Ignore him, Ben," Juliet heard the girl say softly under her breath.
Like the plucking of a guitar string, Juliet felt something tingle along the back of her neck. "Ben? Is that your name?" she asked, and both the girl and the boy looked up at her, forgetting for a second where they were.
"Yeah," Ben responded, confirming. "Ben Linus. This is Annie." He jerked his thumb over to Annie. "You're Juliet, right? I've seen you around with Mr. LaFleur." His voice was timid, slightly embarrassed. But there was no mistaking what he said.
Her resolve dissipated and the nausea she'd been fighting earlier came back in full force. She stood so fast her head swam and she saw spots.
"Yeah…" she managed to say, and Ben looked at her curiously before being pulled away roughly by the older man.
"What'd you say to her?" he growled, before adding, "You alright?"
Juliet nodded and tried to smile. But inside? Inside she was plummeting. Just when she thought she was free. Just when she thought she could make herself happy here. Just when she let her guard down and started living her life again… This can't be happening, she said to herself, over and over and over again until the figures finally disappeared into the distance.
She needed to lie down. She thought about going home, but she wasn't sure her legs would carry her that far. So she turned around, shoved her way back inside, wove around the crowd of partygoers, and found James's room.
She'd only been inside a couple times, mostly when she was caring for him after his accident. It was exactly the same: a full sized bed on the far right of the room, a single dresser, single nightstand, and a blue area rug in the center of the room. The smell of him assailed her as she entered, and it brought both comfort and anxiety as she breathed him deep into her lungs. She collapsed onto his bed, and her breathing became ragged and forced. She knew she was having a panic attack, but she couldn't force herself to calm down.
Memories flashed before her eyes, none of them good: Ben keeping her prisoner here; Ben telling her that she was his; Ben tricking her into a private dinner date; Ben threatening (always threatening) to undo what he'd done to save Rachel; Ben making her wear ragged clothing and walking through the woods barefoot; Ben forcing her to spy on a group of innocent people; Ben turning her into a monster, just so he wouldn't have to be one alone.
It was too much. A single tear rolled down her cheek, followed by another.
When James entered his room, Juliet rocketed to her feet, as if caught doing something she shouldn't. His cautious smile slid off his face, replaced by an urgent curiosity.
"What's 'a matter?" he asked her, shutting the door and coming over to where she stood, shaking like a leaf. She tried to speak but words wouldn't come. "Jules - talk to me," he commanded gently, and rubbed his calloused fingers over the bare skin of her shoulders.
There was something about his touch that made Juliet dizzy. It felt like she was being touched by Zeus himself; his fingers were made of hot lightning, sending shivers up and down her spine. As his eyes bore into hers, she felt a tenderness coming from him that broke her heart and yet also somehow made her feel whole. She was drowning in too many emotions, all crashing over her at the same time: fear, insecurity, sadness, shock, to name a few; but also regret for so many things, and most alarmingly, confidence.
She'd been keeping him at arm's length for a reason. She knew that. But right here, right now, with his touch burning her skin and the way he was looking at her and Ben's face trying to crawl its way into her mind… she couldn't take it. She needed a distraction, and she needed it now.
Before she could think about it any more, she leaned in and pressed her lips to his.
Shock rippled through his body, she could feel it. The way he stiffened his arms, the way his fingers went slack on her shoulders. He hadn't been expecting that. And for that brief moment their lips touched, in a firm but chaste kiss, Juliet saw stars.
She pulled away, stunned, and James only looked at her, wide-eyed and lips still slightly parted. Regret pooled in her belly. She shouldn't have done that. Oh, God… this is it. I've ruined everything, she thought miserably. But then his lips were on hers again. He pulled her in so tightly she felt the air whoosh out of her lungs as she was crushed against his bare chest.
He must have felt her tense up, because he let go of her as if her skin was suddenly white hot. Which she supposed, it probably was; wherever his hands touched her, anyway.
"You kissed me," he said, and his voice was a mix of awe and disbelief. "Why?"
Juliet felt her chest constrict. Why. That was not a question she could answer easily. Because she saw Ben, and it destroyed the tiny castle of joy she'd been trying to build. Because he was gorgeous and because he was there. Because he was sweet, and funny, and smart, and her friend. Because she'd liked him for months now and had been dying to know what it felt like. Because he was James, and it had been easy to. Because she was so lonely, she'd almost forgotten what it felt like to be kissed.
But mainly, truly… it was because she needed to think of anything other than Ben. She needed a distraction, plain and simple, and it tore her to pieces that no matter what happened between them, their first kiss will always have been because of that.
"I don't wanna think anymore," she stated simply through ragged breaths. "Just…" She didn't know what to say. Just what? She had no idea what she thought she needed from him, she didn't know what she wanted.
But James did. Or at least, he knew what he wanted, and he knew what would help. He crushed his lips to hers and wound his fingers through her soft hair. He then tossed the headband onto his bed with one hand and snaked the other up the back of her shirt.
His lips tasted like cherries, and beer, and him and as her tongue slipped into his mouth, the moan that erupted from the back of his throat turned her legs into jello. He couldn't move his hands across her skin fast enough. It's like he was desperate to touch every inch of her at once. When she pulled away, gasping for air, she looked at him curiously. Where the hell had this come from? What was even happening right now?
She chalked it up to loneliness and ignored all the warning bells blaring in her skull. She ignored the flirting he'd done for months, and the touches they'd shared all month long. She ignored everything that indicated that this was more to him than just a kiss, but as she looked into his eyes, she knew she was lying to herself. Did that make her a horrible person, taking advantage of him like this? She couldn't believe they were in this mess - how could she have let this happen?
She knew he was a con-man, but the care she saw in his eyes was something no one could fake. "I should go…" she tried to say, moving to untangle herself from his arms. She couldn't lead him on like this. But he held firm.
"You wanna distraction or dontcha?" he drawled, and ran his tongue along her jaw by her ear. She shivered, and he held her even tighter. "You know I can make ya forget whatever's goin' on in that pretty little blonde head 'a yours. Just say the word," he murmured against her skin, and nipped at her earlobe.
Juliet felt her hands begin to shake. She knew exactly what he was offering. Was she too drunk for this? No, if anything she'd had just enough to feel the looseness in her bones needed to do it. And it had been so long… but would they regret it? Did it matter?
'After everything I did to get you here, after everything I've done to keep you here, how can you possibly not understand... that you're mine!'
She closed her eyes and nodded, and he only left her arms long enough to lock his bedroom door. The next thing she knew, she was pinned against his bedroom wall. He hoisted her up, and she wrapped her legs around him. Every touch, every kiss, every grind of her hips against his - it was desperate, and sloppy, and hungry for more more more. She tore the toga off his shoulder and he wriggled out of the rest. When it dropped to the floor, she saw he was indeed wearing light grey boxers underneath, and he was so hard the fabric was stretched tightly against him.
He let her down long enough to shed his boxers and for her to shimmy out of her leggings and underwear. The coolness of the air around her legs made her shiver. She swallowed thickly, feeling like her brain was made of cotton. Her lips tingled only momentarily before he captured them again and hoisted her back up. She tugged on his hair and sucked on his neck, loving the way his strong arms clenched her body tight. His fingers dug hard into her thighs and she clawed against his bare back. She was certain they both would have bruises in the morning.
After a moment, she pulled off her tank top, if only because she needed as much skin to skin contact as possible. He then leaned down to bite the top of her breast, and a low whine escaped her lips. She hadn't been touched like this in… years, if ever. Goodwin had made love to her, as a true gentleman, and her other lovers had certainly enjoyed having sex with her, but no one had ever fucked her like this before: like they were running out of time; like they were drowning and she was the buoy that would keep them alive; like she were the one thing they couldn't get enough of. It made her feel powerful, and attractive, and confident, and alive.
She pressed her nose into his neck and gripped his hair in her fist when she felt him drive into her. No preamble, no tenderness, no warning - he pushed so deeply into her that she couldn't help but cry out against his skin. Perhaps it made him realize what he was doing, like he'd been so lost in the ocean of her that her cry had awoken him; now he thought he might have made a mistake. He pulled back to look into her eyes, and fear bloomed on his face. But she only nodded. "Keep going," she whispered, and she meant it.
He did as she said, and pumped so hard and so deeply into her that she almost couldn't breathe. Over and over he moved inside her, and she thought of absolutely nothing but him. When she came, she came fast and unexpectedly. She couldn't believe how quickly and how stealthily it had crept up on her. As he got close, he suddenly began to panic. "I need a - " he started to say, but she shook her head, still rocking against him as he slammed her into the wall over and over again.
She'd just had her period a few days ago; she wasn't ovulating. "It's okay," she whispered, and he trusted her. She was the expert after all. He saw stars when he came, and grunted her name against her neck. It sent chills down her spine and brought her back down to earth. She unclenched her fingers from where they clawed at his shoulders and he set her down gently. They looked at each other, astonishment and satiation coloring their cheeks.
Juliet could feel the remnants of him, hot and sticky dripping onto her inner thighs. Her body ached but it also sung. They panted, standing mere inches away from one another, him completely naked and her in just her bra. She suddenly felt exposed and he kindly offered her a tissue from his nightstand. As she cleaned herself up, he tugged his boxers back on and handed her her clothes. He watched as she got dressed, not saying a word.
She scratched her eyebrow and propped the other hand on her hip. She opened her mouth to apologize, but he held up a hand. "Don't," he commanded, his voice desperate and full of pain. She couldn't help but wonder if he thought this had been a mistake - already.
She was grateful he didn't ask her what happened. But there was a sadness in his eyes she couldn't quite place. Perhaps he needed her to open up and just didn't know how to ask. It wasn't typical of him to care, her inner demons whispered harshly. He'd made a living off this once. He used women for what they could offer him. But it wasn't true anymore, was it? It was unfair for her to even think it. Maybe at one point it had been true, but she could tell he cared now.
He handed her her headband and she slipped it on, whispering, "I saw Ben." It was all she needed to say, because what else was there? James knew as much as she did how evil and vindictive and manipulative Ben had been to them all. And yet he didn't look surprised.
She blinked. A moment passed before a sickening realization dawned on her. Her stomach bottomed out and she reached a hand out to hold onto his dresser, steadying herself. "You knew, didn't you?" she choked. His Adam's apple bobbed in his throat but he said nothing.
"I didn't wanna hurt ya," he finally said, and it sounded pained - an admittance.
Juliet reeled back like he'd slapped her. "You knew? And you didn't tell me?"
"You were so happy lately and I - "
"All I've ever wanted to do was escape him. And he's here. And you knew and didn't tell me. How could you?" Juliet felt sick. Her body was still coming down from its high and yet nausea rolled through her. It was a strange combination.
She moved to leave but he blocked the door. She glared at him, but he reached out a hand to try and touch her. She jerked back, putting her hands up. "He's just a kid," James said. "He can't hurt ya. I been watchin' him. His daddy treats him like dirt but he's harmless."
"He is NOT harmless, James!"
"Maybe someday, but now? Now he's just a scared little kid." Juliet breathed hard and fast. Anger was making her vision swirl. But James had a point. He really was just a kid - she'd seen it for herself. His father, she presumed, had teased him for his costume and he'd looked so defeated.
But that wasn't the point anymore. James had lied. She was running it over and over in her head - how long had he known? How long had Ben been here? How the hell had she not noticed?
"You lied to me, James."
"I didn't lie. I just didn't mention it." The excuse sounded pathetic, even to him. "I thought I was doin' the right thing. Protectin' you."
"I don't need protecting!" she shouted. "I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself!"
James stood there, stunned, and put his hands on his hips. Suddenly he was the one who felt exposed, standing before her in just his underwear. But he supposed she was right. She could lie as good as him. She could fight, he'd seen it, and she could shoot and she could most definitely kill.
When had he forgotten that? Why did he see her as a delicate damsel when she was just as dangerous as he could be? Perhaps because she'd slipped into such a deep depression after they'd arrived here. Perhaps because nothing ever seemed to go her way, and for months he'd just wanted to see her be happy. And she'd almost made it, too. They'd almost made it.
She stood there, staring at him as he processed this, and her expression was hard and unflinching. She looked like a damn Other: mysterious and coated in ice.
She wasn't any of the things James saw her as, Juliet thought. She didn't need his protection, and him keeping this from her had destroyed any trust she'd put in him. She still couldn't believe any of this had happened. She'd only ever let him in, physically and emotionally, because she trusted him. She wanted to fucking scream.
"Move, James," she commanded, her voice low and firm. "I can't talk about this anymore."
James didn't know what to do. Even when he'd thought he was doing the right thing, he had been wrong. He thought he was being a good friend, but what the hell did he know? He wanted a do-over. None of this had turned out the way he thought it would, and he was desperate for her to see he'd only had decent intentions. He'd never meant to hurt her. Why couldn't she see that? Didn't that matter at all?
But as he watched her eyes turn red and begin to glisten with unshed tears, he gave up. He gave up searching for the right words to convince her to forgive him; he gave up fighting. He moved to the side, and watched as she stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her. It made him flinch.
Growling in frustration, James threw a punch into the side of his dresser. The sharp pain in his knuckles was nothing compared to the soul-crushing regret in his heart.
