A/N: This chapter was tough for a lot of reasons, mainly trying to make sure to include all the scenes I wanted to include. It's not my favorite, but that's okay! But HUGE thanks to ariz0na for helping me organize my thoughts a bit, including adding in quite a few ideas, like the Jin scene. There's a lot going on in this chapter, but there was also a lot to accomplish before LaFleur. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

—-

I'm so in love with you, and I hope you know

Darling, your love is more than worth its weight in gold

We've come so far, my dear. Look how we've grown

And I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old

Just say you won't let go

James Arthur, Say You Won't Let Go

—-

Chapter 20: The Package

"Hey, Bossman - got a question for you," James called out as he and Horace walked through the dense jungle, thick with the humidity of an incoming storm. He'd been pondering whether or not he should ask this question for half an hour now, and he'd decided to just go for it, despite how uncomfortable it made him.

Horace wiped the sweat on his brow with his jumpsuit sleeve before calling back, "Sure thing, Jim. What's on your mind?"

They were walking to meet Richard for their annual treaty negotiation, and James felt the opportunity was too good to pass up. He'd spent all day the day before thinking about his decision to ask Juliet to marry him. On the one hand, it felt impulsive and unlike him, but on the other hand, it felt right and good and warmed his belly when he thought about it. And as much as Horace irritated James sometimes, James didn't know very many married people. He needed advice, and he needed it bad, despite how much it made his insides squirm with distaste.

"I, uh… well, you know I been thinkin' lately. 'Bout me and Juliet."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. See, I was kinda wonderin'..." He suddenly felt overwhelmingly exposed. Perhaps this had been a mistake.

But Horace grinned at him. "Thinking of popping the question, LaFleur?" he asked teasingly, and James exhaled roughly. He wasn't sure what had given him away.

"Yeah. Guess so."

Horace chuckled. "It's about time! You've been together a couple years now, right?"

James nodded and wiped his own forehead. "Yeah. In a few weeks."

"Well, I think that's great."

They walked a few more seconds before James cleared his throat, adding, "How'd you know you wanted to marry Amy? Like, how'd ya figure all that out?" He felt ridiculous, but luckily no one was around to notice his awkwardness. It's why he'd waited until this moment to ask.

Horace stopped walking and ran his hand through his long hair, swiping it out of his face. "Well, you see, Jim… Amy and I were friends. For a long time. And after she lost Paul… well… I think she needed someone to turn to, and I guess from there, our friendship evolved, if you will. But from the moment I fell in love with her, I knew I wanted to be with her forever."

James scoffed. It sounded too easy, too cinematic. "That's too big a thing to be so sure about so soon," he argued, but Horace merely shook his head.

"It's true. I didn't ask her right away, you know. I kept it to myself a bit. I felt…" He trailed off, and James suspected he'd opened up a can of worms he really didn't want to be privy to. But it was too late now. Horace continued, "I guess I worried for a little while that I was her second choice. It was a weird feeling, and she didn't do anything to make me feel that way, but I felt it nonetheless."

James's stomach soured. It reminded him of what Juliet used to be afraid of - that he'd only settled for her, after he'd lost Kate. They'd argued about it enough that he could empathize with Horace, whether he wanted to or not. "Glad that wasn't the case after all, Chief," he said with a sigh, hoping that would be the end of it.

"Yeah," Horace agreed softly, and James felt there was more behind his tone, perhaps something he wasn't saying. He didn't know if Horace had any friends, but it seemed like he wasn't the only one with a lot on his mind. He wondered if Horace had ever opened up to anyone about this. It only gave James another reason to regret asking him, if only because now the man's face was furrowed in consternation.

The last thing either of them needed before going into this important meeting was to be distracted.

They continued walking, and almost a minute of silence passed before Horace shook his head, clearly having more on his mind, just as James suspected.

"You know, we weren't exactly trying to get pregnant…" Horace sighed, and James narrowed his eyebrows in response. The man sounded almost sad or regretful, and it took James by surprise. From what he'd heard so far from Juliet, he thought they were elated. But James could see the stress etched into Horace's face. Now that he truly studied him as they walked side by side, he could tell Horace looked weary, almost haggard. He wondered if Horace was as excited about the news as Amy was.

"I'm happy, of course. But you know… I'm also quite frightened." James almost tripped, he'd been taken so off-guard. Horace never admitted defeat, and he most certainly never admitted being afraid of anything. It was why James often referred to him as their 'Fearless Leader.'

"You don't say?"

"It's true. It's weird to say out loud, but Jim… You know, I didn't really have a dad growing up. I think in a lot of ways, maybe, perhaps, that kind of childhood… Maybe I'm not cut out to be a dad, either."

James stopped walking. His vision swam at the edges. He could argue it was dehydration or some other stupid excuse but in reality, he knew Horace's comment had struck a very deep, very pronounced chord in his chest. The reverberations made him nauseous.

"Don't say that, H. I'm sure you'll make a great daddy."

Horace chuckled before letting out a deep sigh. "I hope so. But look, back to your little problem. I gotta say, I think it's wonderful for you two. You make a great couple. But can I offer you some advice?" James nodded. "Make sure you're certain. You know, before you ask her. Take your time, you know? Be sure. Because you can't take it back, once it's done. Marriage is for life, man."

The question was out of James's mouth before he could even think about it. "Do you regret marryin' Amy so fast?"

Horace considered, and James wondered if he'd overstepped some boundary. He and Horace were nowhere near as good of friends as Amy and Juliet were. Talking like this? It felt weird. Almost embarrassingly awkward. But his curiosity was getting the better of him.

"No," Horace answered, though he didn't sound convinced. "Sometimes I think Amy's not fully over Paul. And I question things, sure. But I love Amy. And I believe everything happens for a reason, you know?"

"Sure," James answered, though he didn't necessarily hold the same beliefs.

"Just keep in mind what I said. Take your time with it. Be absolutely sure."

James frowned, and before he knew it Richard was emerging from the jungle before them, and it was back to business as usual.

—-

A few days later, James was working an overnight shift at the security office. He didn't love them, that was for certain, but it was only fair that he took on some of the unwanted shifts too. Jin, whose shift was ending, finished writing his daily report before leaning back in his chair, stretching his back and shoulders. He yawned, and moved to stand.

"Hey Jin?" James asked tentatively. Jin paused, mouth slightly agape. James never called him by his real name.

He swiveled his chair to face James, wondering if he should be concerned. "Yes?"

James picked at his fingernails. He'd spent the last ten minutes contemplating whether or not he should do this. Asking for help or advice felt fundamentally wrong to him, but he honestly felt way out of his league here. He chose Jin because Jin was more trustworthy than Miles, but would he keep this from Juliet though? James had already talked to Horace; surely one opinion was enough? But no. He needed another perspective, from someone he trusted. And frankly, James trusted Jin with his life. And he really knew Juliet, too. Perhaps he could tell James what to do. And after weighing all the pros and cons, James decided he did want to know what Jin thought after all.

"If I tell ya somethin', you promise not to tell?" he asked.

Jin raised his eyebrows in concern. The question had caught him off-guard, especially coming from James. "Uhh… sure," he agreed, albeit less convincingly than James had hoped for.

"Good. Listen. I - Well, see I was thinkin'. Juliet and I have been together for two years, almost. And ya know, after datin' for a while, most people tend to get hitched, right? Well… I was thinkin' of askin' her, maybe." James wondered when his confidence had begun to waver. New Year's Eve he'd been fired up and ready to go. Talking to Horace, he'd been pretty convinced, even if he'd felt weird talking about it with him. Now though… he wondered why he was coming across so wishy-washy. He chalked it up to nerves. After all, this isn't something he'd ever seen himself doing. Ever. And yet here he was, considering it - wanting it, even. It was surreal.

Jin's jaw dropped, and then he let out a boisterous laugh. It caught James by surprise. "What's so funny?" he asked.

Jin smiled and rubbed his forehead before running his hand down the side of his face. "Wow. I… I am surprised. I know you and Juliet love each other very much, but you…"

"Me what?" he growled, suddenly feeling defensive.

Jin cleared his throat and tried to tamp down on his smile. "I know here you are Jim LaFleur. But sometimes, I still remember you as Sawyer. It is not a bad thing. You are my friend. But I still find shock in this. You are not… you were not the kind of person who would marry someone, no?"

James narrowed his eyes. Jin's statement hurt him. He wasn't wrong, but how could he say that he still sometimes saw him as Sawyer? Hadn't he done enough, to prove himself? To change his image? He supposed to Jin, maybe not.

"I can't change who I used to be, Bruce, but ya gotta know I'm different now."

"I know."

"Then what's with the third degree?"

Jin shook his head. "I do not think it is a poor choice. I do not think that she would be unhappy. I suppose I was just shocked."

James crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. "Look, the only reason I told ya was cuz I wanted to ask you about it. Not lookin' for your judgment."

"Ask me about what?"

"Marriage. Proposin'. Whatever. I just - I gotta do it right. I gotta give her what she deserves, and nothin' less." He chewed on his thumbnail, waiting for Jin to process his attempt at a question. As expected, the topic made Jin grow serious, contemplative, as he tried to decide on what to say.

"James. All you need to do is trust your instincts. They will guide you. And Juliet loves you. She will love whatever you do for her, as long as it comes from the heart." He shot James a wry, almost sympathetic smile, and James wondered if this had been a mistake. He could see pain in his friend's face. It was a sensitive topic for him, no doubt.

"I just want whatever I do to be perfect, is all. She's gotta have the best proposal, the best story, I guess. That's what girls like, and she's gotta know I'm serious about her."

"She knows. And trust me, Juliet does not care about fancy things. You know this. You know her better than I do." James shrugged. Jin was right, but this kind of thing was different. "Look… if there is one thing I have learned, it is that time is not guaranteed. You never know when you will run out. If you keep searching for the perfect plan, you will never find it. Perfect does not exist. We are all imperfect people living in an imperfect place. All that matters is the love you share." Jin sighed heavily and looked down at the floor. "For me and Sun, I always worried about making her father happy, so that she would be happy. I gave her expensive things, because I thought she wanted expensive things. But do you know what never failed to make her smile? A simple flower. The gesture, to be shown that I care. That was all she wanted."

James considered, and watched his friend sink into himself a little. The advice was sound, but he regretted how this conversation was making Jin feel. "Sun's a lucky lady," James said, and tried to catch Jin's eye.

Jin looked up, and gave a genuine smile. "She is alive, and she is far from here. So yes, she is very lucky indeed."

He rose from his seat and moved towards the door. Before he could exit, James called out, "Thanks. Ya know, for the advice. And for not tellin' anybody. Especially Miles!" he warned, and Jin laughed. He nodded, waved, and left without another word.

James couldn't deny he was really fucking confused. He shouldn't have asked anyone anything. Horace is telling him to wait, and Jin is telling him to go for it. Which one of them was right?

He thought about his dream. It scared him, the idea of losing Juliet. But he couldn't let fear drive this decision. His confidence in his decision had changed so much in the last week, he was starting to think Horace had a point. Jin did too, and he appreciated what he said, but for now, he was leaning more towards waiting. He really wanted to do this right. Jin was right about her not liking fancy stuff, sure, but he didn't have money for fancy stuff anyway. He'd go simple, but that meant he'd have to nail it in every other category. He needed to pick the right place, right time, and right mood. Everything had to be perfect. Which of course, took time, and planning, and patience.

James stuck his feet up on the desk. He laced his fingers behind his head and leaned back in the chair. The monitors were quiet tonight, which was good, because his mind was racing.

He was really gonna do this. He was gonna ask someone to marry him.

Well, son of a bitch.

—-

It took him almost an hour to pick out the ring from a catalog. He had limited funds, so he couldn't afford much, but eventually he found a simple ring with a simple diamond, and knew it was just going to have to do. He filled out the form, handed it to the island accountant, and set off to walk the beach. He needed to clear his head.

It was a Sunday afternoon and Juliet was taking a nap. It was the only reason James felt comfortable enough to sneak out of the house to place the order. He couldn't risk her following him there. And now, as he felt the cool water rush over his bare feet, he knew there was no turning back. As of this moment, he felt at peace with it. He knew when his confidence and self-esteem took a dip, he'd potentially have regrets, but he was glad he'd done it nonetheless.

There was nothing left to do but wait.

In the meantime, there was something else on James's mind. It was what brought him to the beach; he needed to think. Their anniversary was next week, and James had no earthly idea what he wanted to do for her. He just knew he had to out-do her. She planned their excursion last year, but this year, he needed to blow her away.

So he considered his options. They were limited, to say the least. He needed to do something meaningful, but what? There was always the beach, but that felt a bit cheap and unoriginal. They've celebrated a lot of different things there, which was fine, but it didn't make this special, which was what he was going for, he decided. He could do a picnic, but that was what she'd done for him. He didn't want to copy her.

So where did that leave him? He kicked out at the water, sending a splash off to his right. He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated at the lack of ideas. Romantic shit used to be so easy for him, back in the day. Back when it didn't matter. But then again, he'd had all kinds of options, hadn't he? They could go on a normal date like normal people - to the zoo, a museum, dinner and a movie… anything. But here? Here, it was either the jungle, beach, or cafeteria. That was it. And because of that, they'd never really had a normal date.

He tried to think, to improvise. He thought back to his charming self he used to be, and wondered what he would do if they were in the real world. How could he make that work here? The easiest thing would be dinner and a movie, but they didn't have a television.

And then it hit him. The projector that Horace used for movie nights - it was being stored in a locked closet in the rec room. He didn't know what movies they had on film, but there had to be some back there still. Horace wouldn't have sent everything back on the sub.

He grinned to himself, and the details began threading themselves together like a tapestry in his mind. By the time his feet were starting to prune and the sun was sinking lower in the distance, he decided he should head back home. He didn't want Juliet to worry, or question what he'd been doing.

Also, he had a lot of scheming to do.

—-

The following Saturday, Juliet rubbed her eyes with the heel of her hand and opened her front door, stifling a yawn. She may have had a little too much wine at Amy's house, (Amy had insisted Juliet not skimp just because she couldn't have any) and was feeling a bit sleepy by the time she got home.

She was not prepared for the sight before her when she walked through the door. All the lights were out, and candles were scattered across the house. Her eyes swept from left to right, eventually landing on James, who stood by the dining room table with a bouquet of wildflowers in his hand. He looked incredible, in dark jeans, a black button up shirt, and with his hair brushed back. His signature scruff was gone, and he smiled at her in greeting. His dimples looked even deeper when he was clean shaven.

"Hey, baby. Happy anniversary." He greeted her at the door and passed her the flowers. She accepted them with her jaw hanging open and eyebrows practically in her hairline.

"What is all this?" she breathed, completely shocked.

"Amy owed me a favor," he said with a shrug, and Juliet gasped. He planted a kiss on her cheek and led her by the elbow to the dining room.

"You - Amy was a part of this?"

"Mmhmm. How else was I gonna get you outta the house? You're like a damn hermit on the weekends sometimes, you know that?"

He pulled out a chair, and Juliet sank into it, still stunned. James noticed, and chuckled before taking the flowers back from her and placing them in a vase in the center of the table. Juliet finally came to her senses and looked down. James had cooked them green beans, mashed potatoes, garlic bread, and what looked to be salmon. It looked incredible, and she had to wonder how he'd done it. He wasn't much of a chef. (In the back of her mind, she wondered if he'd had help from Jin, but she wasn't going to call him out on it.)

"James… This looks incredible. I don't know what to say." She shook her head, further enumerating her loss for words.

"Ya don't gotta say nothin'. You planned everything out last year, I wanted to do it this year." He looked extremely proud of himself, and Juliet's eyes began to well up at the care he'd clearly put behind all of this.

They talked and ate their dinner by candlelight. Juliet was dying to know how James had come up with this plan, and he said it was just something he'd wanted to do for her. He was vague about the details, and she wondered if perhaps it was because the evening wasn't over. She couldn't tell, but there was definitely something he wasn't telling her.

For dessert, James apologized in advance before pulling chocolate pudding cups from the fridge. "I'm sorry they don't quite fit the aesthetic or whatever, but you know I ain't a baker and this was all the cafeteria had left." Juliet didn't mind one bit. She devoured hers, and even licked the spoon clean. She didn't miss the way James stared at her mouth the entire time she did so. It made her blush.

After dessert, James cleared away their plates and took her by the hand. He was trying to suppress a grin as he tugged her in the direction of their bedroom. "Uhh, shouldn't we let our food digest a little first?" Juliet said jokingly. But James flashed her a sardonic look before gently pushing open the bedroom door.

Again, the room was lit by candlelight, and Juliet felt herself jolt back a little when she noticed the large projector screen shoved in the corner of their bedroom. It took up almost the entire wall in front of the closet, and even some of the wall perpendicular to it, as James had the projector poles slightly angled. The projector itself was propped up on her nightstand, and angled towards the screen. It looked… haphazard, but doable.

When she looked over at him in dismay, the look of pride on his face melted her heart. "James, this is… I don't even have words… How did you get this in here!?"

He shrugged. "Pays to be Head of Security, Blondie. I gots the keys to all kindsa doors." He kissed her cheek and when he pulled away, she placed both of her hands on either side of her face. She shook her head and stepped into the room, eyeing the set up more closely.

"We're not supposed to have this, are we?"

"Nope."

She laughed and sat on the bed, still in awe."Dinner and a movie… huh…" she commented with a small shake of her head.

James scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah. I just got to thinkin', you know? What would we do in the real world? So - I had to make do. It ain't perfect, and we'll have to tilt a bit to see the screen, but… best I could do."

Juliet's resulting grin lit up her whole face. "It's perfect." She patted the space next to her, and he sat down, looking apprehensive. "James, I mean it. You did wonderfully." She leaned over and kissed his cheek before threading her fingers through his. "What are we watching?"

James bumped his shoulder against hers. "Casablanca. I know we watched it last summer, but there weren't that many options that I could see. I was tryin' to be quick about it."

Juliet's eyes widened and she opened her mouth in a wide grin. "Oh, I love that movie! Good choice."

James returned the smile, proud of himself. "Good, now go get yourself comfy. I'll get the movie up."

It took some time to figure out how exactly it worked, but eventually they got the projector working. Juliet threw on a pair of sweatpants and one of James's shirts, and adjusted the blankets James had draped over the windows. He didn't want any of the projector light leaking through the thin curtains. Once she was sure there would be no sign of their nefarious activity, they snuggled up on the bed, facing the screen. Juliet's back was to James's chest, and his arms were wrapped around her chest above the blankets.

Just as the opening credits started, Juliet whispered, "Why don't they just let people check it out? You know, like a rental?"

James furrowed his eyebrows. "Why you whisperin'?"

Juliet rolled her eyes. "Because. We're in a movie theater, and people whisper in theaters. It's polite."

James snorted, and pulled her a little tighter. She was too damn cute for her own good. "I dunno why. Prolly cuz it's damn expensive. Maybe cuz it would defeat the purpose of movie nights and neighborhood 'togetherness' or whatever these hippies like. Alls I know is this thing was locked up tight."

"Will you suggest the idea to Horace?" she whispered again, ignoring the fact that he'd answered her in a regular volume.

"Sure. Another day," James agreed. Juliet nodded, satisfied with his answer.

They watched the movie in comfortable silence, adjusting their positions every so often. In true movie-date fashion, a little more than halfway through, James started nibbling on Juliet's ear before planting soft kisses against the corner of her jaw. Her grip on his hand tightened, and she angled her head to look up at him. He took the opportunity to place his lips against hers, and she giggled.

"You're lucky we're the only ones in the theater, James," she murmured against his lips before licking one of them. He growled in response, and she laughed again.

They kissed until the movie ended, only half-heartedly listening to the dialogue. As the credits rolled, Juliet gave James one last nip before stretching and rising from the bed. "Mmm, don't go," James complained, but Juliet pointed to the projector.

"We should return it. I don't want you getting in trouble."

"Trouble? Baby, I ain't gonna get me in trouble," he scoffed, and stretched too, his back cracking a little. "Head 'o security, Blondie."

"Then why the curtains? Why the secrecy?" she inquired with a raised eyebrow, and James rose from the bed. He gave her an annoyed look. She had a point.

"Fine, fine. I can go return it."

Juliet walked around to his side of the bed. She slipped her arms loosely around his waist. "We can return it."

"We?"

"Yeah. We. I got your back, remember? Besides, it's really bulky."

"Well… alrighty then." He kissed her lightly on the lips.

"But what about the cameras? Won't someone see us?" she added, narrowing her eyebrows slightly.

James shook his head. "I made sure Miles was on shift. He ain't sayin' nothin' to nobody." He kissed her on the lips again, feeling unable to stop himself. When he pulled away, he looked down into her face and studied it. Her eyes were large and glowing, looking up at him in awe. "So… how'd I do?" he asked, feeling slightly vulnerable. He hoped he'd made her happy - that was all he cared about.

"Fantastically," she bit her lip and grinned. "Ten out of ten."

"Good."

"Now, let's go get this over with. The sooner we return it, the sooner we can come back to bed." She let go of his waist and slapped him on the ass before moving towards the projector screen. His laugh was light and honest and Juliet flashed him a seductive look over her shoulders.

It had been an excellent anniversary indeed.

—-

The next shipment came in from the mainland just days before Valentine's Day. James was sweating as he walked to the finance office where all the orders were processed and set out for collection. The air was actually fairly cool, but his nerves were working overtime. He was considering proposing on Valentine's Day. It's what people did, right? Sure, it might be a bit cliche, but it was also romantic, and he was (sometimes) a romantic kind of guy.

But when he gave his name and order to Darrell, the guy who brought in the shipments from the mainland, Darrell gave him a regretful look. "Sorry, man. Your order's not here."

James's mind emptied, and he felt the words get stuck in his mouth. He shook his head, clearing the cobwebs, before asking, "Wait, what?"

Darrell looked down at his clipboard. "Yeah, dude, sorry. Says here your order never made it on board the sub on the mainland. The shipment got delayed due to weather. It's probably still at the store you got it from."

"Weather?" James asked again, his eyebrows furrowed and anger climbing higher and higher.

"Yeah, dude. Big snowstorm. But I'm sure it'll be on the next shipment, next month." He clapped James on the shoulder and moved on, helping the next person in line.

James scoffed, and left the office in a huff. He tried desperately not to think of this as a warning sign.

—-

In late February, James came home filthy for the third time, at least that Juliet remembered noticing. He gave her a quick peck on the lips before heading down the hallway, but otherwise said nothing about it. He stripped out of his jumpsuit to take a shower, shoving his clothes deep into the laundry basket.

She sat on the couch, contemplating what to say. Her book remained open and neglected in her lap as she retreated into her thoughts.

He'd been going on more patrol shifts lately. But why was he covered in dirt and mud? She thought he hated being on patrol, but he was the one who made the schedule. If he hated doing it so much, why would he schedule himself for those kinds of shifts? And last but not least, what's changed? He didn't used to come home this late, especially not in the state he was in. So why now?

When he rejoined her in the living room, wearing shorts and a loose t-shirt, Juliet eyed him curiously. He didn't seem to notice as he padded into the kitchen for a tall glass of water, which he filled up and gulped down twice before coming into the living room to sit in the chair across from her. He let out an exaggerated, exhausted-sounding sigh before closing his eyes and leaning his head back to rest on the back of the chair. He looked haggard and worn out.

"James?"

"Hmm?" he replied, eyes still closed.

Juliet had spent the last ten minutes debating whether or not she was even going to ask him about this. She could be reading far too much into it, in which case she would sound ridiculous. Or, her instincts could be right, and James was indeed keeping something from her. As always, her curiosity won out and she found herself probing.

"Your jumpsuit was filthy, and you're two hours late."

"Yeah…?"

"So. I'm curious as to why. It's not just a one-time thing. It's becoming a new habit for you."

James made it a point to shrug and wave his hand in the air, like he was the king of nonchalance. "I dunno, Jules. There's lotsa dust and dirt an' stuff down at the Swan site. They're diggin', you know."

Juliet quirked an eyebrow and leaned forward. "You're guarding the Swan site?"

"Horace said he wanted his best guys there."

Juliet was concerned. Why would Horace be so worried about the site? Did this have something to do with that Hostile trying to blow up their progress at the Orchid? Now she couldn't help but worry about James's safety. "Why does he need so much security? You worked it out with Richard - they're supposed to leave you alone."

James sighed, opened his eyes, and raised his head to look at her. "He did. But they're havin' some… issues, I guess. Not with hostiles, but with the area. The scientists don't know what's goin' on but - progress is slow-goin'."

Juliet bit her lip and leaned back against the couch. She wasn't entirely convinced that James was safe, but he seemed okay. For now. He looked tired, sure, but he didn't seem worried. She wondered if that would be enough to bring her peace of mind.

James, on the other hand, was reeling inside. Why the hell did Juliet have to be so goddamn perceptive? Yes, what he said about the Swan site was true, but she couldn't know where he really was. She'd freak out. So he did what he did best: lie without really lying. None of what he said was technically untrue. The Swan site was having issues, and Horace did want his best guys there to have on hand, just in case.

James just hadn't been one of them.

Thank God for Jin's security reports, he thought miserably. He just hoped he could keep this up. Who knew how long the project would take, and until it was ready, Juliet could not find out about it.

"I'm alright, Jules," he assured her, seeing the worry still etched across her face. "But I'm beat. I'm gonna head to bed." He rose, kissed her on the forehead, and squeezed her shoulder before heading down the hallway to their bedroom. He closed the door softly behind him, and leaned up against it, groaning and closing his eyes.

He almost wanted to take another shower. He felt dirty, lying to her (even though he told himself over and over he hadn't truly lied). It had been almost too easy; like that old adage of riding a bike - it didn't matter how long it had been since you'd done it, it always came back to you. But it was made ten times worse by the fact that Juliet trusted him, which was why, no matter what happened, he was not going to let her down - no matter what kinds of lies he needed to tell to do it.

—-

The ring didn't come in til the end of March. James could hardly believe he'd really done it. Even holding it in his hands, and running his finger along the band, it still felt surreal to him.

He was in the security office, catching the light in the refractive surface of the small diamond when Miles burst through the double doors. James was so startled, he almost dropped the ring on the floor. Luckily, he caught it and pulled it to his chest before it could be lost in the cobwebs under the desk forever.

"I'm born!" Miles shouted, and threw his hands in the air as if announcing a field goal. He was buzzing, practically manic with joy.

James scrunched his eyebrows and leaned forward. "Come again?" he asked, wondering if he'd heard him correctly.

Miles whooped and slapped James hard on the back before placing his palm on the top of his own head. "DUDE! It's my real birthday today! I just heard - Radzinky radioed in to Horace. Didn't you hear it on the walkie?"

James frowned and shook his head. Oops. He'd been so engrossed in the ring, he hadn't been paying a lick of attention to his surroundings. Hostiles could have invaded and he'd be none the wiser. So much for Head of Security.

"Whatever. Chang - he contacted Radzinsky somehow. Lara - my mom - she gave birth on the mainland! I overheard the whole thing. Dude, I'm not gonna 'Back-to-the-Future style' disappear!" Miles crowed and leaned against the wall for support. "I gotta go tell the others, man."

James had never seen Miles this… psyched. He was overjoyed, bubbling over with relief. His enthusiasm was enough to make even James smile, even though he kind of felt bad for forgetting Miles's real birthday. When you spend three years pretending it's April 1st, you don't really think about the real date anymore.

"Congrats, man. We should celebrate later. Get ya nice and drunk, and maybe steal ya some cake from the cafeteria," James suggested with a wink. Miles laughed, a genuine, non-sarcastic, truly amused laugh. It was an interesting sound, and James couldn't remember the last time he'd heard it.

"Thanks Jim. That sounds fun," Miles said, and clapped him once more on the back before turning towards the door. "I'm gonna go tell the others!" he called out, and left, practically skipping.

James sighed. He felt incredibly guilty for not remembering Miles's special day, but was pleasantly surprised to know he had been the first one Miles had told.

He opened his palm to inspect the ring once more, trying to remember what he'd been thinking about before Miles came in. He realized now that carrying it around with him wasn't going to work. Miles had almost caught him with it, and he was nowhere near ready to tell him about his plans (or, non-plans, rather). He was going to need to hide it. But where?

Horace called for him on the walkie, and he was interrupted yet again. He slid the ring into the velvet bag, and slipped it into his pocket. Planning out a hiding spot was going to have to wait.

—-

A week later, James walked into his and Juliet's bedroom to find her putting clean laundry away. He froze, and his eyes flicked to the top drawer of his dresser where his underwear was. And where he'd hidden the ring.

She was humming some 90s song, the one about waterfalls he thought, and he did the only thing he could think of to get her to stop what she was doing. He strode towards her, took her face in his hands, and kissed her. It wasn't just any kiss - it was an 'I need you now' type of kiss, where somehow it took even his own breath away. Her knees went weak, and he held her tightly to him to help her keep her balance.

When he pulled away, she blinked slowly up at him, refocusing. "What was that for?" she asked lightly, as if in a daze.

"Missed you," he answered. True, so therefore not technically a lie.

"Oh," she responded, and cleared her throat before reaching for the rest of the clothes.

"Hey now, ain't it my week to do laundry?" James asked, putting his hand atop hers.

"Yeah, but you've been so busy with work. I thought I'd do it."

James forced a smile. It was sweet, sure, but she almost found what he'd spent two hours trying to hide. He should have picked a better spot, but he didn't think she'd go in his drawers. He didn't know what the fuck he was doing, but he should have known better.

"You go relax. I got this. Really. But thanks anyways," he added, coating his words with honey and seeing her visibly ease.

"Are you sure?" she asked tentatively. After all, she was almost done. But she could use the break. She was a little tired herself from doing housework all day.

He breathed a sigh of relief when she started moving towards the door. "I'm sure. I'll join ya soon, okay? In fact, why don't you head on over to Miles and Jin's, see if they wanna do somethin'? I'll meet ya there." He tried to sound as cool as possible, but she still looked at him suspiciously. He swallowed and flashed her a smile. She leaned into the doorframe and narrowed her eyes before nodding.

"Yeah. I can do that," she agreed, and gave him a small wave before leaving the bedroom behind.

James let out a sigh of relief. He wanted to blame Miles. If he hadn't almost discovered him messing with the ring, he wouldn't have felt the need to hide it. Sure, hiding it in his underwear drawer had been stupid but they lived in a small house, and basically everything was a shared space. But hiding it here was better than keeping it on him and risking it getting lost, especially because he was always out in the jungle these days.

He paced, trying to think of a better spot. On the third turn, he realized he kept stepping on a squeaky floorboard. The sound cut through the whirlwind of his thoughts, and he stepped on the spot again.

An idea occurred to him. From his closet, he retrieved an old shoe box, where he kept little reminders of her. He sat on the bed and gently removed the lid. He ran his finger along its contents, letting the memories wash over him. Her old handwritten notes she'd left him, photos of the two of them together, and one with Jin and Miles too, the cap of her lotion bottle, that smelled like her… all of the things that meant the most to him.

He retrieved the velvet bag from his underwear drawer and slipped it into the shoebox. He could put the box back in the closet, but he didn't know if she'd ever looked inside. He hoped she hadn't, and let him have this one private thing, but he wasn't sure. And it wasn't worth the risk. So, finally deciding on final a hiding place, he left the box on the bed to retrieve a hammer and flathead screwdriver from the hallway closet. He moved the dresser aside in order to get access to the whole floorboard, and used the tools to pry it up.

He placed the shoebox down into the hole and stared at it for several seconds before replacing the wooden plank and putting the dresser back where it belonged.

He knew it wasn't going to be easily accessible this way, but he figured when the time was right and he was ready to retrieve it, he'd be able to pull it up while Juliet was out of the house. He didn't want it to be spur of the moment anyway, or so he told himself.

Juliet deserved something grand, something important. So when the time came, he would pull it out. In the meantime, it would stay there, and he finally felt certain she'd never find it. It brought him comfort, and he finished putting the laundry away with a hot, excited feeling tingling in his stomach.

—-

In April, while on a hike through the jungle, the late afternoon sun was hitting Juliet's hair just right, making it look like she had a golden halo. It caught James by surprise, and when she turned to look at him over her shoulder, the breath caught in his throat. She looked stunning. She wore a sheepish expression on her face, and he wanted to ask her right then and there.

But. The ring was still under the floorboards. And he couldn't ask her without a ring. So, he smiled back at her and they kept walking towards their destination. He told himself that he would simply ask her another time.

A couple weeks later, they were reading on the couch, with her feet up in his lap. She sighed, and twirled a piece of hair around her fingers. She looked adorable, wearing his bulldog sweatshirt and biting her lip in worry about whatever was going on in her book.

She looked up at him suddenly, catching him blatantly staring. She winked conspiratorially and went back to her book.

He could have asked her then, too; the sensation was overwhelming in his heart. But it felt too casual. They were in pajamas, and it felt too… simple. It didn't feel special enough, and though he wasn't planning a huge spectacle or anything, he at least expected it to be a little more out of the ordinary than a typical Wednesday night.

He'd wait. This wasn't the right time.

In late May, when the foursome were about to 'celebrate' their three year Dharmaversary, the mood across the board was somber, at best. It was the time they were forced to think about their friends and family they were living without, and it made for a less than romantic atmosphere.

Though James was getting frustrated with this process (and with himself), he knew he was doing the right thing by waiting. She deserved the right timing, the right setting, and the right moment for this. He was only having mild doubts in himself, but it was nothing he couldn't talk himself out of.

That is, until June. Proposing was on his mind every day, but he made no effort to retrieve the ring. He found every excuse in the book not to ask, and he wondered if that is what he'd been doing all this time. He felt sick, wondering if he was ever going to have the balls to ask her at all.

One night on his way to Bernard's camp, a strange thought hit him out of the blue. He wondered if perhaps, deep down, he wasn't ready for this after all.

He didn't always feel scared, but when he did, he couldn't necessarily identify why. Part of him argued it was because he was afraid she'd say no. That was a reasonable fear - certainly all guys felt that way before they proposed. But another part of him, buried deep beneath years of trauma, argued that perhaps he was simply scared she'd say yes.

He could charm the pants off any woman, but true relationships, it turned out, had been a whole new experience for James. Kate had been (kind of) the last one he'd had before Juliet, and the two experiences couldn't have been more different.

Kate had turned him down at every turn. Juliet had given him everything he'd ever wanted. Kate had scoffed at the idea of 'playing house,' and Juliet had embraced it with vigor and love. What the hell had he seen in Kate, once upon a time?

Knowing what he knew now? He knew he shouldn't compare the two, but he was reminded of how far he and Juliet had come, after all this time. He still often wondered what he'd ever done to deserve someone like her, but for whatever crazy reason, she loved him unconditionally. Surely, she'd say yes.

And then what? They were stuck in the 70s. She was still without her sister. Would she even want to have a wedding? Could they, without legal documentation? If they did, and then somehow, miraculously got back to their own time, it wouldn't be recognized. They'd have to do it again. Which, in itself wasn't an issue, but…

James cursed. He was making excuses again. He stopped to drink from his canteen. He was minutes away from Rose and Bernard's camp, and then it was back to work. He'd be too distracted to think about it, so he gritted his teeth and made a deal with himself.

He'd set a deadline: her birthday. If he didn't find a good time between now and her birthday, he'd do it then, come hell or high water. Because fear or no fear, ready or not, he loved her more than anything. And this was what he wanted, he was sure of it.

He just needed to wait.