A/N: Ahhggg we're finally here! Gosh, I have thoroughly loved every moment of writing their 'three years.' I am actually incredibly sad, to have gotten up to this point in the story. I've loved their journey so far. :( But alas, here we are in act two. Just like the last chapter, there may be some repeated dialogue from the episodes, but it's only to highlight where we are in the story. There are some parts that I don't repeat the dialogue for, simply because it didn't feel necessary. Either way, the point of these next couple chapters is to show the extended scenes we didn't get the pleasure of seeing and flesh out the timeline. Hopefully the placement all makes sense! (Sorry for the length, I know it's long, but there was a lotttt of content to get through).
And as always, I hope you enjoy!
ACT TWO
—-
Ancient Egyptians believed that the first and most necessary ingredient in the universe was chaos. It could sweep you away, but it was also the place from which all things start anew.
Jodi Picoult, The Book of Two Ways
—-
Chapter 24: The Beginning of the End
Juliet sat in her bed, dumbfounded. James slammed the door behind him, and it made her flinch.
They'd had an incredible night last night, and now he was leaving her high and dry without so much as a kiss goodbye. It was unlike him, but Juliet tried to convince herself it meant nothing. Perhaps something happened at one of the stations and it was just too much to explain right now? She hoped he would tell her later.
She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and swung her legs off the bed. The floorboard squeaked as she walked naked around the room, getting ready for work. She brushed her straightened hair, fixed herself eggs and toast for breakfast, and pulled on her work boots at the front door.
The house was too quiet without James. She'd been getting ready without him for far too many mornings for her taste. And she couldn't explain it, but she had a knot in her stomach. Something felt off about the way in which James had left this morning. She knew she wouldn't feel better until she talked to him, and because he wasn't likely to come home anytime soon, she was going to have to go to him.
She still had some time before she needed to be at work, so she figured she'd check the ever-watchful cameras to see where he might be. She strode determinedly across the lawn, knowing Miles was on shift this morning. It had been ages since she'd been here last, and the musty smell of the security station invaded her nostrils before she'd even fully stepped over the threshold.
Sure enough, Miles was sitting at the desk by the monitors. She greeted him and stole his coffee (she'd forgotten to brew her own) before looking carefully over the security monitors. She identified James's location, getting out of the van near their house, which was certainly curious indeed. Before he could rush out again, she thanked Miles and headed back home. She couldn't help but berate herself for not waiting just a little longer. But it didn't matter now.
She found James rooting around their closet, haphazardly grabbing clothes, both his and hers. It caught her by surprise. She froze in the doorway, watching him, the pit in her stomach growing heavier by the second. "Hey," she said softly.
He barely looked up at her. "You seen my baggy sweatshirt, the one with the bulldog on it?"
Juliet's confusion only deepened. "It's in the laundry. James... what's going on?"
He paused only a moment, and Juliet waited with bated breath. "They're back," he almost whispered.
She shook her head slightly, not understanding. "I'm sorry. Who's back?"
"Jack. Hurley. Kate." In his eyes she saw an unspoken apology. He looked mystified, and it did nothing to quell the disbelief that was causing a chemical reaction in her stomach. She felt her knees grow weak; she needed to sit down.
"What?" she breathed, and in her mind she flashed back to how he'd held her close last night. How they'd talked about this - someone coming back for them. She didn't think this day would ever come. She should be thrilled, but for some reason she wasn't. Distantly, she heard him say it again, that they came back. It felt like he was very far away. "Are they here now?"
"Yeah. They're out at the North Point, waitin' for me to tell 'em what to do." James seemed panicked, desperately searching for clothes. Clothes that would go to them, she now realized.
It was almost funny, them waiting at the North Point. A different memory flashed back into her mind, of foggy windows in the back of the van, while a storm raged around them (and inside them).
But none of this made any sense. She still couldn't wrap her head around it. "How did they get…?" She couldn't even form words. 'How did they get here' was one thing, but 'how did they get here, now,' was another.
"I'm not sure. They said they were on a plane," he replied, and Juliet could tell he was frustrated too. She looked down at her feet, and even more memories assailed her: her and James dancing in the living room, joking and laughing as they made dinner, reading in bed together…
Perhaps the sinking feeling in her gut was a warning. Perhaps this was the beginning of the end of the life they'd so carefully built, like a sandcastle painstakingly crafted on the beach. And now, high tide was coming in.
Perhaps after this, nothing would be the same anymore.
The thought knocked the air from her lungs, like his words had punched her squarely in the chest, and James saw her face fall. He dropped the bag and sat down, not knowing what to say to make this any better. Hell, he'd had over an hour to process all this and it hadn't made a difference. He was just as astounded and scared as she probably was. He sighed, and tentatively reached out to touch her arm. "I don't understand it any more than you do. But they're here, and I gotta find a way to bring 'em in before somebody else finds 'em and they screw up everything we got here." He hoped she understood. This life they'd made - it meant too much to him to just give up, not without a fight.
Juliet inhaled deeply, trying to work out a solution that wouldn't get them caught. "There's, um, a sub coming in this afternoon," she started, and James eyed her curiously.
"Yeah, we could - we could play 'em off as new recruits," he continued her line of thinking, and she nodded, though she looked like she was in a daze. "Convince 'em to join up, for now, til we come up with a better plan."
"It keeps them from living out in the jungle," Juliet murmured. When James slipped his hand into hers, she looked up, finally meeting his eyes. He looked just as worried as she felt. Somehow though, this didn't provide her any relief.
"It could work," he agreed. "Just gotta get their names on the manifest, or else Phil'll see right through it all, and then we'll be screwed."
Juliet bit her lip, thinking. "Amy… she'll have it. I just need to find a way to get it from her without her thinking twice about it. I can add their names, and get it turned in before Orientation starts."
James grinned, bursting with pride. He huffed an amused laugh before squeezing her hand and saying, "You know, you'd make a helluva conwoman." Juliet cut him a sideways glare and he shrugged. "I'm just sayin'."
"Now's not the time for jokes," she sighed, and moved to leave. She just wanted to get this over with.
"Hey hey hey, where ya goin'?" he asked, and tugged her back down. His grip on her hand was firm, and she wondered why it wasn't bringing her comfort. His camaraderie always did.
She used her free hand to scratch her eyebrow, annoyance and dread filling her up inside. "I have work to do, James." Protect the con, at all costs - isn't that the motto?
"Yeah? So do I. But we gotta talk about this." She glared at him again. It stung, but he kept going. "Look, it's gonna be okay. We'll figure this out."
"You don't know that," she said as she shook her head, furrowing her eyebrows. The longer she sat there, the more unsure she felt. Last night, she thought she'd be okay with either future, but now? Now she wished today were just like any other day. "This could all be ruined. The life we've built here, everything. They just… they cause chaos, everywhere they go." Despite her best effort, tears pricked the backs of her eyes. She continued staring at the ground, the wall, the door - anywhere but at him.
He looked at her in total bewilderment. But she couldn't help herself. Something just didn't feel right, and she didn't know how to explain that to him. It was unlikely that the gang had a plan, or else they would have told James. Or, perhaps her initial assumptions were wrong, and they did have a plan. They could get them back to their right time and hell, maybe even get them off the island. Or - or, they could blow their cover, get them locked up, or even killed. They could be just as stuck here as her, James, Jin, and Miles were. And then what?
Where would that leave them?
"Juliet," James murmured softly, cutting through her reverie, and tugged her chin until she was facing him. He held her hand firmly in his, as if he could see that she was spiraling inside and was trying to provide her with an anchor. "Hey. I got this under control, okay? We got a plan. It'll work."
She wanted to say that that wasn't entirely what she was worried about. But she didn't know how he didn't already understand. "If you say so," she relented, just wanting this conversation to be over.
But James wouldn't let her off the hook. He saw confusion and worry written plainly on her face. He knew what she felt, because he felt the same thing. But he didn't know what to say to make it all go away. How could he convince her that this might be a good thing when he could barely even convince himself?
He sighed and ran his free hand over his face. "We have a chance, maybe, to get back to our own time. I don't know how, but maybe we can. I thought that's what you wanted?" he asked, sounding tired. He too thought back to their conversation from last night. She'd insinuated that staying here, in this time, wouldn't be so bad; that if the gang never returned, perhaps they could live happy lives. But James knew better. All Juliet had wanted for years now was to return home to her sister. He knew she loved him, but he could never take Rachel's place - of this he was certain.
And once upon a time, he'd promised her to get her home. He owed it to her to try, and that meant keeping the others safe.
"I do," Juliet admitted, staring up at the ceiling to keep her tears at bay. But it was so much more complicated than that, and she didn't know how to explain it to him - how fearful she was of losing what they had. She had made peace a long time ago with the fact that she would never see Rachel again, and she didn't want to get her hopes up now, just because they'd returned. They were facing an enormous uphill battle, and nothing was guaranteed. She wasn't sure she wanted to risk what they'd built on that false hope.
Juliet looked at James through burning eyes, her expression pained. She'd been so comfortable with her and James's relationship, she hadn't anticipated how insecure she'd feel with Kate's return. Now all she could think about was some scene right out of a movie, where he sees her and they run towards one another, forgetting til then just how much they'd missed each other. It was ridiculous, she knew that, but it played in her head nevertheless.
She really was spiraling.
"This is all going to go up in flames, you know that right? This is the other shoe." Her voice was hard and it caught James off-guard. It had been a long time since he'd seen her be so negative, and yet here she was, clearly devastated at their friends' return, despite her proclaimed indifference. She assumed Chaos awaited them around every corner, and he didn't understand why.
James thought back to this morning. He hadn't told her what Jin had said - why? Was it because he'd wanted to see them with his own eyes first, or was it because he'd, on some level, anticipated this reaction? He wasn't sure. Probably both.
"Not if I've got anything to do about it," he finally responded after a beat.
They were at an impasse, staring hard at one another and both feeling the weight of what was to come. After several long moments, Juliet nodded, conceding, deciding to trust him.
She hoped to God James was right.
She let go of his hand, ran her hand over her ponytail, and took a deep breath, regaining her composure. They discussed work assignments: Hurley was the easiest - they needed to put him somewhere with low stress, somewhere he'd be happy. James assigned Jack to janitorial duties just out of spite, but Juliet smiled nonetheless at the suggestion. Jack was certainly better suited for the Infirmary, but doing this felt much better. Lastly, it was Kate's turn. James wasn't sure where to put her. Out of all of them, she'd be the one who needed the most supervision, where she could cause the least amount of damage.
It was Juliet's idea to put her in the motor pool. The words came out softly, and though the room was quiet, James had to strain to hear her. "Are you sure?" he asked, not sure if he liked the idea of his ex and his current girlfriend working side by side. It was almost nauseating, picturing the two of them - talking - God only knew about what.
"I'm sure. I'll keep an eye on her."
James sighed. "Okay. Well… I'll be sure to get 'em back by intake. You just work on gettin' their names on that list." He stood, and Juliet swallowed hard, thinking about the task before her. It felt wrong, tricking Amy like this. But it had to be done.
"Got it, LaFleur," Juliet said, giving a brief mock salute, though she didn't feel in a teasing mood. She stood from the bed and moved to slide past James, but he moved to stand in her way.
He wanted to reassure her. He wanted to say he loved her, and would do anything to keep her safe. He wanted to kiss her and remind her that she was the only one for him. But those words wouldn't come, despite their truth. Some time during this conversation, she'd resurrected her wall of ice. He hadn't seen it in years, and it was off-putting, seeing it now.
She looked at him expectantly, and he felt his breath catch as he finally asked, "You okay?"
She nodded and gave him a forced smile, but he knew her well enough by now. She wasn't okay. And to be frank? Neither was he.
—-
James kissed her on the temple before leaving the house with the duffel bag. Juliet's chest lurched and she sat back down on the bed. Her heart was hammering so hard she thought her ribs might bruise from the inside. She took several deep, steadying breaths with her eyes closed and her fists clenched, trying to calm down.
This was ridiculous. She was being ridiculous. James needed her help right now, and she was selfishly focused solely on her own insecurities. She'd gone soft, since her time with the Others. Honestly, she should have known this was going to happen, but the only thing to do now was hope for the best and complete her part of the plan. She could do this.
After giving herself time to regain her composure, she set out to find Amy. She found her asleep in a hammock outside her and Horace's house, and Juliet crept up to her slowly. She apparently wasn't stealthy enough because Amy awoke, and Juliet smiled broadly at her, to help dispel any potential suspicion.
It felt like going through the motions, and that made Juliet feel even more shameful. Amy had been a good friend to her, and now she was using that relationship to accomplish their own sneaky attempt at keeping their cover. It felt deceptive, and Juliet's stomach tightened from the guilt.
Over the last six months, Juliet had grown accustomed to Amy's pregnancy. She'd been jealous, especially in the beginning, but now she was just happy for her friend. She even picked up the baby, hoping a quick snuggle and sniff of his warm baby head would ease some of her anxiety.
And it did, momentarily, until she made the mistake of asking his name.
Upon hearing the name of the man who'd aided Ben and Richard in tricking her to come to the island, Juliet felt her hands begin to grow numb. She swallowed and set the baby down, certain that she would drop him if she didn't. This baby, this eventual man, had once been her friend. And James's people had killed him.
The bliss on Amy's face was too much. This time travel shit… it was just too weird. Juliet needed to get out of there, now. But then Amy asked a question that set Juliet's chest on fire, for more reasons than one: "So... when are you and Jim gonna have one of these?"
Juliet felt her heart skip a beat, and her smile faltered along with her breathing. She didn't know what to say. She longed to have a family with James, but they were stuck on the island still. It wasn't safe. Not to mention, James would probably lose his mind if she ever brought it up to him. Sure, her period was late, but that could be from any number of things. She tried to tell herself it was probably nothing. She had to - she truly couldn't handle anything else right now.
God, though… what she wouldn't give for it to be real. "I don't know," she settled on. "Timing's gotta be right." And despite her yearnings, the timing right now couldn't be any further from 'right.' She pushed any thought of her uterus, and babies, aside.
Juliet brushed her hand over Amy's arm, assured her that she would handle everything and that Amy should just rest. Her friend smiled up at her, blissfully unaware of Juliet's ulterior motives.
She couldn't get away from Amy fast enough.
—-
Casually, so as not to draw attention to herself, Juliet popped over to the motor pool, letting her boss know she was helping out with Orientation today. He hardly cared - she was almost an hour late anyway - and waved her off. She took the opportunity to dip around the side of the building and add their friends' names to the list.
She'd written their names before. These exact names, on Ben's orders. Only this time, James's was missing. It felt weird, to say the least, but she did her best to imitate Amy's handwriting and wrote in clean, curled script: Jack Shepherd, Kate Austen, and Hugo "Hurley" Reyes.
When she was finished and satisfied with her work, she pressed the clipboard to her chest and kept a steady pace in the direction of the Orientation building. There were already people milling about, and the closer she got, the harder her heart pumped inside her chest. She did everything in her power to keep her face calm and unaffected, but inside she was raging with nerves. She could not get caught. But as long as she looked like she belonged there, no one would question her.
She'd been meek and unremarkable once, she could certainly do so again.
Music was playing over the loudspeaker, and clusters of recruits stood around, speaking with members of the D.I. Laughter and casual chatter wafted through the air, and Juliet was grateful everyone seemed too preoccupied to notice her. She kept her head down as she slipped inside the building and approached the check-in desk. She looked around, ensuring no one was watching, before writing their names and work assignments on three blank notecards. Fingers trembling and brain completely blanking on her alphabet, Juliet only just barely managed to tuck the cards in the right places before she saw Dr. Chang enter the building from the corner of her eye.
"Juliet!" he called out, and approached her with a confused look on his face. "You don't usually help with Orientation."
"Hi, Pierre," Juliet said with a brilliant, confident smile. She took one small step away from the desk, and wiggled the clipboard in her hand. "I'm here on Amy's behalf. She just had the baby, you know."
He quirked an eyebrow and gave her a judgmental once-over. "Yes. I heard. You never mentioned you were a surgeon. Don't you think that's something we should have known?" His tone was sharp, but not harsh. He clearly had spoken with Horace, who knew now what she'd done. She was surprised he hadn't yet sought her out to confront her about it.
But she'd prepared for this, so she pursed her lips together, ducked her head, and did her best imitation of someone who was caught red-handed. (It wasn't far off from the truth.) She wove the tale her and James had crafted, and watched as his eyes narrowed little by little at her story. Otherwise, his expression was inscrutable. Juliet had no idea if he was buying it or not.
When she was finished, he merely nodded. "Okay then," he said, still giving no inkling as to whether he believed any word of what she'd said. "Well, I will be taking over for Amy today. Feel free to see if anyone else needs assistance." And with that, he left to go sit behind the check-in table.
Juliet waited until she was outside before letting out a huge sigh of relief before wiping the sweat off her forehead. She leaned up against the building, her part now successfully completed, and waited for James to return with the others.
She didn't have to wait long. Fifteen minutes after she completed her task, she saw him pull up in one of the Dharma vans. The burning, twisting anxiety in her stomach reappeared as she saw Jack exit the van, followed by Hurley, and last but not least, Kate. They really were here after all. She had believed him, of course, but it was surreal seeing them with her own eyes. They looked dazed as they took in their surroundings, and despite her unease regarding their arrival, her heart went out to them.
James murmured quietly to them, so she couldn't hear what he was saying. She slid further down to the back of the building, not wanting them to see her just yet. She wasn't ready. Her eyes were trained on James - he was every bit the leader she knew him to be. It made her proud, to see him take charge like this, but no sooner had he given the group the rundown, he seemed to get called on the walkie. She watched as he grew frustrated, ducking to speak into the device. When he moved behind the van and out of her line of sight, she straightened and took a small step forward.
She was torn: she wanted to go ask him what was wrong, but she knew what he would say. He would give her some vague non-answer and ask her to go keep an eye on things here. Though it pained her more than she ever expected it to, she walked back around to the building's entrance, determined to have his back in this, even if it meant staying in the dark.
Juliet moved to stand in the doorway, watching. People maneuvered around her every so often, so she decided to move her position to just inside the door instead, where she wouldn't be in the way. She saw the group of recruits finish the welcome video, and get called one by one for their assignments. She watched as Pierre found Jack's card she'd left inside, and handed him his jumpsuit. She couldn't see Jack's expression from her vantage point, but she grinned in satisfaction, imagining the dismay on his face when he discovered his new job title.
The amusement was short-lived however, because eventually she realized she hadn't yet heard Kate's name be called. She looked around, and found the woman speaking with Phil. This can't be good, Juliet thought, and took a step forward before pausing, midway through her second stride.
For the briefest of moments, she imagined herself saying nothing. She imagined Kate being escorted away, deported off to 1970s America. Away from here. But the thought didn't linger very long before Juliet's conscience kicked in. She couldn't let anything happen to Kate on her watch. Isn't that why she'd paired them together in the first place?
She stepped in, introducing herself to Kate with a plastic, Stepfordian smile, completely incongruous with how she felt on the inside. She saw mild shock flash in Kate's eyes before she plastered on just as fake of a smile as Juliet wore. The tension was palpable, but Phil didn't seem to notice. His eyes flicked back and forth between them, but his look of suspicion dissipated. He seemed satisfied by Amy's list, and soon escorted Kate over to Pierre, leaving Juliet alone once more.
Juliet breathed a sigh of relief. It seemed for now, her job was done; their friends were safe and the lie was protected. She stepped outside, not wanting to tempt Kate into speaking with her again, when she ran (almost literally) into Hurley. He was looking around with an awed look on his face, clutching his jumpsuits in one arm and a Dharma manual in the other.
Juliet rested a hand on his shoulder, and he jumped before whirling around to face her. "Hey Hurley, it's okay. It's just me," she said softly, looking around to ensure no one heard her.
To her great surprise, and joy, Hurley wrapped his arms around her shoulders in a bear hug, the corner of the manual digging into her shoulder. "Juliet!" he cried out, and she could tell he was relieved to see her. Her heart felt like it doubled in size. There was a time not too long ago when Hurley had been the only one nice to her at the beach camp, but even then, he hadn't especially liked her. No one had.
"Hey now, we're not supposed to know each other, remember?" she whispered against his burly shoulder, and he let her go. He mumbled an apology before looking around, eyeing the dwindling crowd with anxiety. Juliet followed his gaze, and tugged at his sleeve until he followed her around to the back of the building where they'd be alone. "Are you okay?" she asked softly, and put a hand on his forearm.
He nodded, but his eyes looked sad. "Yeah. This is like, really really weird though…"
She pursed her lips in a sympathetic smile. "I know. But you'll get used to it," she tried to reassure him, and he gave a weak smile in return. "Hurley… What happened? How did you guys end up here?"
He shrugged one shoulder, as if he didn't really want to tell her, but she gave his forearm another squeeze, and he nodded briefly before going into a lengthy explanation. He told her about the plane crash, and about how the rest of the group was missing. Juliet pursed her lips, trying to maintain her neutral expression. She wasn't sure how she felt about Sun returning to the island. She was thrilled for Jin, but also knew how upset he must be about her coming back here, after all they'd done to get her home.
And then he told her Ben was on the plane. Her insides wiggled and wormed around inside her body, imagining him finding her again. She felt sick, thinking about what kinds of mind games he'd try and play when he learned about her and James. When he found out she was no longer 'his.'
"Thank you for telling me," she said when he was done. Her hands felt shaky, but at least she knew the full story now. "James is going to take care of everything, okay? Just do as he says, and everything will be fine."
"Is that what you guys did?" Hurley asked, sounding unsure.
Juliet smiled. "Yeah. And we're doing great here." They were doing pretty wonderfully, actually.
Hurley swallowed and focused his gaze off into the distance. "Did you think it was weird? You know, bein' in the 70s and all?" If she didn't know better, she could swear she heard guilt behind his tone.
But she nodded, and answered his question. "Yeah. At first. But like I said, we got used to it. And we've built lives for ourselves since then. As best as we can, anyway."
Hurley nodded, now staring down at his feet. "Thanks for your help with all this. It's kinda overwhelming for me."
"Of course. I'm glad to help."
"They gave us houses. I'm paired up with two other guys, but they seem okay. We're supposed to just go there and wait, I guess. Read this manual." He lifted his arm slightly, indicating the text in the crook of his elbow.
Juliet knew what he meant. After they'd been officially initiated, they'd been given the same spiel, even though they'd been living with the D.I. for three weeks at that point. "I remember."
Finally, Hurley met her eyes. He scrutinized her before asking, "Are you okay, Juliet?"
She tried to give him a smile, but he didn't seem to buy it. "I'm just surprised you guys made it back, is all. We didn't think anyone would ever come back for us."
Hurley nodded. He understood, but only kind of. He couldn't imagine what they must have gone through here, but seeing Juliet made him feel really guilty; after all, he'd been a part of the group that had left them behind. But before he could ask her anything else about their time here, she smiled sweetly at him and gave him one more tight hug. She excused herself, and said either she or James would check on him and the others later, before walking off.
It struck Hurley as weird, what Juliet had said. He realized now she kept saying 'her and James.' She didn't mention Miles or Jin, even though he knew they were here too. He furrowed his eyebrows, wondering if… no, it couldn't be. He almost laughed out loud. Were the two of them together?! The thought felt silly and ridiculous, but also… a lot could change in three years. Sawyer already seemed way different to Hurley, so he supposed anything was possible. She was a pretty lady, he was a handsome guy… it could work. But she had been the Other that kept Sawyer in a cage! he argued with himself. Surely Sawyer wouldn't have let that go?
But hadn't Hurley done just that? He'd hugged her, just now, and was genuinely happy to see her. Was that just because she was familiar? Hurley wasn't sure. But eventually, after mulling it over, Hurley decided that even if it was an unlikely pairing, they probably made a really cute couple. And as long as they were happy, he was happy for them.
He referenced the map in the front of the manual and made his way to his new house, wondering just what else had changed since they'd been off the island. He was kind of excited to find out.
—-
Juliet was dozing on the couch with a book lying limply in her hand when James finally stomped through the front door. She watched him through cracked eyelids, wondering when she'd fallen asleep. She hadn't meant to.
He kicked off his shoes and inclined his head at her, standing awkwardly in the entryway. When she said nothing, he gave her a pursed, almost forced smile before heading down the hallway to shower and change.
When he returned, Juliet was sitting up and staring unhappily into her lap. James hadn't even greeted her when he'd gotten home. It made her feel cold, and she couldn't help but wonder: Had it already begun?
"You eat?" he asked gruffly. He wasn't pleased with the awkwardness either. It felt like coming home after having a fight, only, he didn't remember actually having one with her. So, he didn't know what to apologize for.
"Not yet." She sniffed and stretched before rising from the couch. She followed him into the kitchen and he handed her a beer before cracking one open himself. He downed half of it before he spoke again.
"Everything go okay earlier?"
Juliet huffed a laugh under her breath before taking a swig of her own beer. Leave it to James to get right to the point. "Yeah. They're in their houses, I suspect."
James nodded his acknowledgement before quietly fixing himself a sandwich. Juliet took the bread when he was done and made her own. "Where'd you go? I saw you leave in the van after you dropped them off," she finally asked, not quite sure why talking to him felt so different than it had yesterday. She truly hoped it wasn't a sign of things to come.
"Dealin' with Sayid," James sighed, and filled her in on everything that had happened down at the Flame. "It was weird. But thankfully, he had the good sense to pick up what I was puttin' down and listen to me for once."
They sat down at the table with their beers and plates of sandwiches. Juliet snickered and took another swig. "You think that's weird? Guess what Amy and Horace named their baby?" James gave her a questioning look. Juliet chewed her bite and swallowed before answering. "Ethan."
James sat back hard in his chair, and stopped mid-chew. "You're shittin' me," he murmured, mouth full. Juliet merely nodded, a mournful look on her face. For several minutes, they said nothing, eating in complete silence. Neither really knew what to say. Time travel was a bitch.
Soon, the awkwardness grew to be too much for James. He shouldn't feel weird, sitting at the table with his girlfriend eating dinner. He should be able to reach for her hand without wondering if she was going to pull it away, or be able to talk to her about his day without worrying about making her upset. This killed him; the tension felt like it was pressing down around him, stifling him. He didn't know how, but he was determined to do something about it.
"I like that shirt on you. Brings out your eyes," he purred, and nudged Juliet's foot with his own under the table. She gave him a half-hearted smile and nudged his foot back; he figured that was good enough for now.
After dinner, they went through their typical nightly routine. They deposited their dishes in the sink (that was a problem for another day, they both agreed), finished off their beers, and settled into the living room to read. James snuck a kiss on her cheek when he passed by her, taking up residence in the chair beside the couch. She grinned, but said nothing, and sat on the couch with her feet tucked under her. His smell lingered after he passed her by, fresh and soapy from his shower, and Juliet inhaled deeply, letting his familiarity permeate her lungs.
It brought her comfort, because for now - he was still here, with her. She could almost pretend that everything was normal.
After only ten minutes of reading, Juliet looked up at James, who looked engrossed in his book. She could tell by the slant of his eyebrows and tension in his jaw that he was stressed. What specifically about, she didn't know. He was probably thinking about what to do next; he always said reading made him a better thinker. She wanted to ask him about it, but she didn't want to set him off, either, and end up being his metaphorical punching bag after a long and stressful day.
In the back of her mind, she wondered if perhaps he was stressed about them. She hated this awkwardness that had befallen them, and wanted to try to find a way to fix it. She found herself wanting to ask why he'd sat in that chair, wishing he'd taken up residence beside her on the couch instead. She wanted to put her feet up on his lap, because when she did, he would rub her leg absentmindedly while he read. It made her feel close to him, and often led to his hands roaming other parts of her body, too.
That would certainly help them both take their minds off things, but she wasn't actually sure that was what she wanted right now. Maybe it was for the best that he was over there.
"You were right about making Jack a Workman," Juliet said finally - a peace offering. James looked up, seemingly pleased.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. I couldn't see his face from where I was standing, but he seemed pissed."
James laughed, which brought a bright smile to Juliet's face. "Serves him right!" he crowed, and stuck his finger in his book as a bookmark. "The fucker needs to be brought down a peg, after what he done to you. To all of us." Juliet grinned and shook her head at James's bluntness. But he had a point. She'd blamed Jack for their predicament for a very long time, whether he really deserved it or not. "Worked out for me though," he added after several seconds, with a sly twinkle in his eye. "He missed out on a helluva sexy lady."
Juliet laughed, feeling her face flush from the way his eyes trailed over her. She felt a little lighter than she had when he'd gotten home.
Just then, someone knocked at the door. Juliet looked at James, asking the silent question: expecting anyone? James shook his head in response, and Juliet rose to answer the door. She was still imagining Jack's dumbfounded expression when she opened the door to find none other than Jack Shepherd himself staring back at her, looking surprised. She felt herself grinning again - that must have been what he looked like! she thought deviously, and tried desperately to tamp down on her smile.
It was bizarre, to say the least, seeing him face to face again. She schooled her features and hugged him before welcoming him inside. It brought her undeniable pleasure, seeing his reaction to being told this was also James's house. A small, very petty part of her hoped James was right, and that he realized now what he'd missed out on. She hadn't loved him, but he'd hurt her - she couldn't deny that.
"Well, I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about," Juliet found herself saying. It wasn't even close to what she'd wanted to say, but she supposed it was the safest bet to let James handle whatever Jack came to complain about. Certainly he wasn't here to play catch up.
She went to the bathroom and brushed her teeth before removing her limited makeup and brushing her hair. She heard the front door close, and waited, wondering if James would seek her out. He didn't. She wondered why.
She felt her mood slowly sliding back to what it was earlier. When she finally stepped out of the bathroom and wandered down the hallway back to the living room, she saw he wasn't there. She pulled the curtain aside in the dining room window, hoping to catch a glimpse of where he'd wandered off to, and saw James was standing on the porch. He was looking over to the right with his head cocked to the side and his shoulders slumped. His back was to her, but she squinted and ducked to the left a little, to get a better look.
On the other side of the courtyard, Kate was pacing on her front porch, like a tiger caged in a zoo.
Juliet's heart dropped into her stomach, and she let the curtain fall back into place as if the fabric had burned her. She stepped away and shook her head, dread filling her heart like a faucet on full blast. There was no mistaking what she saw. He'd been standing on the porch, watching Kate.
With each step towards their bedroom, the hurt multiplied in her chest. Though he had done nothing wrong, old insecurities crawled their way out of the boxes she'd tucked them into. She'd always felt second to Kate, even when she shouldn't have. Even now, James was with her, she knew that. But what if this was just the start of something he had no control over? She couldn't see his face… What if her being here ignited something long doused inside him, something he couldn't have seen coming?
As she crawled into the covers, she curled into a ball on her side. Though she preferred her right, she laid on her left, so she would be facing away from him when he came to bed. The burning in her eyes kept her from falling asleep right away, but she tried as hard as she could to let blissful unconsciousness take her.
When James finally came to bed later that night, she was still fighting against her own restlessness. She didn't know how long she'd been lying in bed alone, but she wished he'd waited just a little longer. She didn't want to deal with him right now.
He pulled off his shirt and jeans, not bothering to keep quiet. He must have known somehow she wasn't yet asleep. She silently cursed herself for not trying to make it more convincing. She felt his weight as he slid into the bed, and felt his indecision as he paused, deciding whether or not to snuggle up beside her. Was there more indecision yet to come? She squeezed her eyes shut, praying he would face the other way and just go to sleep, leaving her alone.
But he didn't. He laid his hand on her upper arm and pressed himself up behind her. A piece of her heart broke off, cutting its way through her chest like a shard of glass. She had to bite her lip to stifle her sob. His touch was gentle and warm, soft and comfortable. She couldn't bear to think about ever losing this, and yet all she could think about all day was how this could all crumble at any given moment. She hadn't meant to be so pessimistic; but it was hard to envision a scenario where any of this would work out alright. When did it ever with this group?
The kiss he left on the back of her neck burned, and yanked her out of her downward spiral. So did the one after that that trailed up behind her ear, and the one after that that he placed on the corner of her jaw.
She loved him, perhaps too much, to be fighting this right now. She felt herself inhale sharply, and the familiar warm sensation tingled the base of her spine. His hand roamed over her hip, before moving forward and stroking her lower stomach.
Should she do this? Did she want to? Logically, she knew there was no right answer to either question. It was James, and she loved him, and she loved when he touched her like this, with care and attention and tenderness. But she'd seen him staring over at Kate. Could it have just been the aftershocks of a confusing day? She supposed so. But was that the more likely answer? She wasn't sure.
His nose nudged the back of her head, smelling her hair. She could feel the length of him grow stiff behind her backside, and Juliet felt her heart clench. Was he trying to have sex with her because he'd seen Kate?
God she needed to stop this. This wasn't like her. She was driving herself fucking crazy dwelling on insecurities she hadn't felt in a long time. And he hadn't even done anything to warrant these intrusive thoughts in the first place. She'd had enough.
Impulsively, Juliet turned to face him, knocking into his chest and taking him by surprise. Through the darkness, she held eye contact with him, searching for words left unsaid. She could usually tell how he felt, from his eyes, but it was too dark to discern much more than patience as he waited for her to speak.
She wanted to beg him not to leave her, but she didn't. She was afraid if she asked, he'd say he could never make her that promise. But she was also afraid he would agree, and someday break her heart when he inevitably broke his word.
"Hi," she whispered, and it felt stupid and cowardly. She could have smacked herself, for it was surely the lamest thing she could have said in this moment. But she couldn't help it; the words she wanted to say just wouldn't come out.
"Hey yourself," he whispered back, and flashed her a genuine smile. As silly as it was, it actually was enough. She pressed her forehead against his and sighed. She closed her eyes and tried to let go of everything she was bottling up inside, at least for now.
She'd watched him all day, scrambling to put out fires caused by the gang's return. It was only a matter of time before there came a problem even he couldn't fix. She couldn't let what she'd seen tonight take away this precious time with him.
Because God only knew how many moments like this they'd have left.
—-
When the warm morning sunlight began streaming through the windows, Juliet woke. Her head was tucked against James's chest and her leg was thrown over top of his. She blinked against the bright light and rubbed the sleep from her eyes.
They'd had sex last night, for a long while. He'd taken his time, which at the time had been a wonderful reprieve from her self-destructive, intrusive thoughts. But now?
She swallowed the lump in her throat and extricated herself from his loose, sleepy hold. He snuffled but didn't awaken, and she stood naked over the bed, staring down at him. His tan skin was stark against the white sheets and his hair was falling in his face as it pressed into her pillow. She was tempted to reach down and brush it away, but she didn't want to wake him. She wasn't ready to face him yet.
After all, she couldn't help but wonder what James had been thinking about last night. Had he merely sought her comfort after a stressful day? Or, was he just as scared as she was that it might all be coming to an end soon? Had that been his way of saying goodbye?
In the bathroom, Juliet showered and got herself ready for the day. She meandered into the kitchen, lost in her miserable thoughts. She never used to be so negative; she would always choose to focus on the facts of a problem, not the what-ifs. But something had changed over the last three years. She'd found something real and meaningful, but it felt so good, it was like she was living in a dream. And now she felt like she was being awoken from that dream, reminded that it was not in fact reality after all.
The last tendrils of warm, fuzzy happiness seemed to be slipping through her fingers like smoke, and though James was still here and she knew he loved her, it didn't feel the same anymore. It didn't feel safe.
Sighing, she put some bacon on the stove to cook, figuring she would whip up some scrambled eggs when it was done. But her thoughts drifted back to what she'd seen last night, and she stepped towards the window, looking out like she'd done the night before.
She didn't even notice the bacon burning.
—-
Shortly before nine, Juliet put on her jumpsuit. She fixed up her hair now that it was fully dry and took one last glance at the bacon still on the stove. She wasn't hungry anymore. She made sure the stove was off and pulled on her boots before leaving for work.
When she arrived at the motor pool, Kate was standing by the tool shed, fidgeting with her fingers. "Hello, Kate," Juliet said with a half-smile as she approached, and Kate nodded back.
"Hi," she replied as she looked at Juliet with discomfort scrunching up her face. Juliet ignored it; she was uncomfortable too.
Once she reached where Kate stood, she gestured towards the row of Dharma vehicles, indicating they should get started on their tour. Kate pursed her lips, and dutifully followed behind her, not saying another word.
Just then, it occurred to Juliet that she was going to have to tell Kate about her and James. It hadn't been something that she'd thought about before now, but it was certainly a big enough change from the last time Kate had seen them that it warranted conversation. James especially was markedly different from the man Kate used to know, and it was important to bring her up to speed. (That is, if Jack hadn't already figured it out and told her himself.)
But regardless, it should come from either her or James, and somehow she doubted it would be something James would volunteer on his own. The sour thought gave her a swift kick in the gut, and she swallowed the unwanted pessimism back down like she'd been practicing all morning.
She wasn't sure how to initiate this conversation, as she didn't want it to come across like she was being possessive or marking her territory, but she was going to have to say it sooner or later. It was going to be awkward enough, working alongside her. Hopefully, Kate would take it in stride, not give her shit for being an ex-Other, and they could go about their business. Because Juliet really wanted to let go of the anger and jealousy that plagued her, and who knew? Perhaps Kate could end up becoming a friend.
They started out in the back office, and worked their way up to the front. Kate was quiet as Juliet explained the schedule, the sign-out sheet, and the oil depositing procedure. She showed her the gas canisters, the spare tires, and the water station for those exceptionally hot days.
As Juliet moved on towards the front, showing her the bench grinder, lube equipment, and drill press, the silence started to get on her nerves. She understood Kate might be nervous, but it was just the two of them. Surely, she'd have said something by now.
Juliet called her out with a teasing grin, and Kate smirked, clearly caught. As it turned out, Kate actually did know absolutely nothing about fixing cars, and admitted it with an embarrassed laugh. Juliet wasn't surprised - after all, she'd only put Kate in the motor pool so she'd be supervised. Still, with her history of always being on the run, Juliet had assumed Kate would have at least picked up something.
It hit her when she noticed that Kate could barely look her in the eye. As Kate turned away, leaning up against the table, she looked down at the ground. That discomfort from earlier was back. Juliet pressed her lips together. She wasn't going to have to tell her anything after all. She already knew.
And Hurley, of all people, had been the one to tell her. When had Hurley found out?
"It's kind of a relief, actually. I wasn't quite sure how to do it without it sounding like I was telling you to stay away," Juliet said softly. She hoped Kate read the warning between her words regardless.
Just then, a van pulled up, and James, Sayid, and the others piled out of it. James stopped in his tracks, staring hard at Juliet and Kate standing together in the motor pool. His eyes flicked back and forth between them, and Juliet could tell he was uncomfortable with what he saw. But what did he expect? This had been the plan from the beginning, hadn't it?
Despite knowing he was working, and clearly had his hands full, Juliet hoped he'd come over to them - to her. It looked for a moment like he might step away from his duty, for just a second, but then he sighed and closed his eyes briefly before turning and following them to wherever they were headed.
Juliet felt the disappointment creep in like a fog, growing stronger with each step he took away from her.
"Thanks for helping us, Juliet," Kate offered, once James was gone. Her voice barely cut through the sounds of the power tools echoing through the garage.
Juliet turned. For a moment, she'd forgotten Kate was even there. "Oh. Of course."
Kate bit her lip and began fiddling with her fingers again, twisting them around each other. Juliet wondered if it was her newfound nervous habit. "Listen. I uh… I slept with Jack a few nights ago. Or I guess… a few nights and thirty years ago…" she tried to joke, but Juliet didn't smile. She didn't know where Kate was going with this.
"Oh," Juliet managed to say, and leaned back up against the table, matching Kate's stance. So they were having girl talk now?
"Yeah. We were engaged for a while… but then… well, it didn't work out."
"I'm sorry to hear that. I'm sure that was really hard."
Kate shrugged. "It was. But anyway. I just wanted you to know… you have nothing to worry about. From me."
Ah. So that's what it was. Juliet huffed a breathy laugh and closed her eyes, nodding her understanding. Kate was trying to tell her she no longer cared for James in that way. Juliet felt a small bud of relief bloom in her chest, but it didn't help the other end of the relationship equation. "I see," Juliet said softly.
"I never loved Sawyer that way," Kate admitted, and Juliet shook her head.
"It's okay, Kate. We don't have to talk about this," Juliet assured her, placing her palm flat on the table. Kate pursed her lips, nodding. It looked like she'd had more planned to say, but she swallowed her words.
After a brief, awkward moment, Juliet asked one of the questions that had been bugging her from the very beginning. She wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer, but it needed to be asked. She fiddled with one of the lugnuts on the table and leaned in, speaking low. "Kate… when you guys came out here, I know you didn't think you'd land in the 70s. But… Did you at least have a plan? To get us off the island?"
From the downtrodden look on Kate's face, Juliet knew the answer before she could even speak. "I'm sorry, Juliet. But no."
Juliet should have figured that would be the case. She thought back to John Locke, who had said 'they never should have left.' But they had, and perhaps that had been for the best. She might not have had a shot with James if they hadn't. But now they were back, and were just as stranded as her and James were, it would seem. Now, they were just going to have to find a way to coexist with one another, while - yet again - searching for those who were still missing.
What could possibly go wrong?
