The disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Ghost characters has been taken by squirrels. Except for Bob. Bob is mine. Takes place after Attic Girl.

Bob The Flying Squirrel
"Okay," Sam looked at Pete, Alberta, Isaac and Trevor in the living room. "Are there any other ghosts running around this mansion I need to know about? Any at all?"

"Well, there is Bob," Pete admitted. "But you're not going to see him in the house."

"You'd be lucky if you see that nut on the front lawn," Alberta asked. "And even then, he doesn't stay there long. Just runs around for a minute and runs right back to his tree."

"Tree?" Sam asked.

Trevor explained. "About five years before I died there was this skydiving instructor named Bob Brookfield. He had this little habit of downing a few pills before he jumped. And one day he took a few pills too many and forgot to pack his parachute."

"Oh dear…" Sam winced.

"The good news is that Bob died right in the middle of freefall due to the drug overdose," Pete explained. "So, there's no damage on his spirit."

"The bad news is that there was a lot of damage he left to a lovely large maple tree in the backyard," Isaac sighed. "They were picking parts of Bob out of that tree for almost a week. Ugh. They had to cut what was left of the tree down. It really was a lovely tree."

"But the real damage was to his brain," Alberta added. "The man thinks he's a squirrel."

"What?" Sam did a double take.

"You heard me," Alberta said. "He actually believes he got reincarnated as a damn squirrel!"

"All his conversations are basically nut based," Isaac added. "And he often complains about the other squirrels."

"He makes Flower look sober," Trevor added.

"And that's no small accomplishment," Isaac sighed.

"You're telling me there's a ghost out there that's running around thinking he's a squirrel?" Sam gasped.

"That's right," Isaac sighed. "He's the only ghost I know of that can actually climb a tree."

"Technically he doesn't climb he just floats upward," Pete asked. "The only ghost that can. Mostly because I guess he died in midair."

"Did any of you ghosts ever try to fly?" Sam asked. "Or float?"

"Pete and I tried when we both first died," Trevor admitted. "Didn't work."

"I just jumped up and down trying to float," Pete admitted. "Trevor kicked it up a notch by jumping off the roof."

"WHAT?" Sam looked at Trevor.

"It didn't hurt," Trevor admitted. "Actually, it was kind of fun."

"Seriously?" Sam blinked.

Alberta looked at her. "Ghosts can't get hurt falling. No bones to break. No skin to bruise. No skulls to crack. That was fun!"

"For about a week," Pete admitted. "Then we got bored."

"Not everyone jumped," Isaac sighed. "I'm not a big fan of heights myself."

"So, Bob is the only ghost who can fly…" Sam paused. "And he thinks he's a squirrel."

"Bob the Flying Squirrel," Alberta nodded. "I told you. He's a nut!"

"Once a year we send someone to take a walk in the woods and check on him," Isaac remarked. "Which reminds me whose turn is it this year?"

"I did it last year but I'll do it again," Trevor volunteered.

"Really Trev?" Alberta asked.

"Sure," Trevor got up. "Talking to Bob makes me feel sane."

Isaac realized something. "He does have that affect. I'll go with you."

"Me too," Pete got up with Isaac. "I know where his tree is. Want to come Sam?"

"Why not?" Sam sighed. "I've got to meet Bob sometime. Coming Alberta?"

"No, thank you," Alberta snorted. "I'm already over my limit of crazy this year. Maybe next year?"

"Suit yourself," Pete shrugged as the four left.

Soon they were walking in the woods. "Bob just lives out here all by himself?" Sam asked. "That's just sad."

"It's about to get sadder," Pete sighed. "Poor Bob."

"We tried bringing him inside the mansion," Isaac admitted. "But you know? The whole squirrel thing. He's actually happy out here. I've seen ghosts with worse fates." He gave a look at Trevor.

"I'd rather have no pants than no brain," Trevor said out loud.

"The jury is still out on that Mr. Yellow and Blue Make Green," Isaac looked at him.

They came up to a large tree. "Bob! Bob! It's Pete! And Trevor and Isaac from the house. Bob? Are you there?"

"WHAT?" A man poked his head out of the tree. He was wearing a helmet and goggles with a white and blue skydiving outfit with stars on his shoulders.

"Hey Bob!" Trevor waved. "How's it going?"

"Oh, hey guys," Bob waved back. "Just hanging in there! Ha! Ha! Oh, I see there's someone new. Who's that?"

"This is Samantha," Isaac introduced. "She's the new lady of the house. She and her husband Jay are turning the place into a bed and breakfast."

"Cool," Bob remarked. "Will you be serving acorns?"

"Depends on the daily special," Sam decided to be diplomatic.

"Sam's a living that can see ghosts," Trevor explained.

"Due to an accident that Trevor caused," Pete added.

"Seriously bro?" Trevor grumbled.

"It's nice to meet you Bob," Sam said cheerfully.

"Hey nice to meet you too," Bob waved. "Wait what happened to the creepy old lady?"

"She was my aunt and she died," Sam explained. "I inherited the house from her."

"That's nice," Bob said. "Larry says hi too."

"Larry?" Sam asked.

"There's always a squirrel named Larry," Pete explained. "Just go with it."

"Anything new with you Bob?" Trevor asked.

"Not much," Bob shrugged. "You know the acorn harvest was pretty good this year. You know what I always say, a squirrel can never have enough nuts! HA! HA!"

"You've got that in spades Bob," Trevor grinned.

"Oh, more news," Bob added. "Larry's decided to run for governor. Just as soon as his exploratory committee finds enough PAC money."

"Really?" Sam decided to humor him. "What party is he running in? Democrat? Republican?"

"Squirrel," Bob told her. "He was going to go Libertarian but then he remembered he has this thing with Ron Paul so…"

Bob turned around. "I don't care if Ron started it! You don't have to go on and on about the guy! Sorry! Larry is a bit obsessed. He and Jason are always fighting."

"Jason?" Trevor asked.

"He's a squirrel too," Bob explained. "He just moved in from the forest down the block. Nice guy but a little too obsessed about politics."

"That's a new one," Pete remarked.

"No, Jason I don't want to hear another Clinton joke!" Bob snapped. "Get some new material already!"

"Oh boy…" Pete winced.

"Yeah, he's in rare form today," Trevor whispered.

"Oh, I have more news," Bob added. "Other Larry's wife ran off with Frank."

"Frank the squirrel?" Sam asked.

"Actually, Frank is a groundhog," Bob told her. "Honestly that's not going to last."

"Well, I suppose it would be hard for a groundhog and a squirrel to find common ground," Isaac remarked. "Mainly because Frank can't climb trees and he stays on the ground."

"Oh, that's not the problem," Bob told him. "The problem is that Frank lost almost all of his acorns in the junk bond market and once his girlfriend finds out she's going to dump his furry butt faster than you can say acorn."

"That should be good news for Other Larry then," Isaac said.

"Not really," Bob said. "Other Larry has moved on. He's dating a cute rabbit on the other side of the lake."

"Well, nobody said interspecies romance was easy," Isaac sighed.

"Tell me about it," Bob said. "I've had my eye on this raccoon that lives nearby. But I think she's just stringing me along in order to make her boyfriend jealous."

"Oh my God," Trevor could barely hold it in. "This is unbelievable."

"I know," Bob sighed. "You would think a raccoon would be more trustworthy. But…"

"Well, I suppose if that's all the news you have to share…" Isaac tried to leave.

"Oh, there's more!" Bob called out.

"Of course, there is," Isaac sighed.

"You are not going to believe what happened," Bob shook his head.

Isaac sighed. "Try me. I'm rather gullible."

"Well," Bob spoke excitedly. "Larry's wife's sister Donna caught her husband Laurence having an affair with her stockbroker! Then she discovered her stockbroker was embezzling all her acorns. Fortunately, Donna became close with a guy from the FCC and he helped put her stockbroker away for fifteen to twenty. I was at the trial. Very interesting. I never learned so much about acorn law."

"What happened to Laurence?" Sam asked.

"She divorced his fuzzy butt and took him for half the acorns he has," Bob said. "And kept the tree. And some sweet alimony. Well, they got a litter of five pups! She has to have some form of child support. Not that her new boyfriend isn't ignoring her if you get my drift. Saw them at Chateau Le Acorn…Having the fancy Acorns A La Flambee! Whoo hoo! That's some fancy living!"

"This is better than Dynasty," Pete blinked.

"Yeah, I am definitely feeling better about myself," Trevor remarked. "I may be having a slight identity crisis, but not as bad as this guy!"

Bob looked behind him. "Larry, I swear to God…How long are you going to keep harping on that?"

"What's the problem?" Sam asked.

Bob explained. "Larry's mad because he says I owe him twenty acorns. And I clearly don't!"

"Why?" Isaac asked. "I ask knowing that I will probably regret it."

"Larry bet me I couldn't stash fifteen acorns into my mouth! WHICH I TOTALLY DID!" Bob shouted at the non-existent Larry.

"I was right," Isaac sighed.

"I don't care what you think you saw!" Bob shouted. "They did not fall out of my mouth! No! You're wrong Larry! Larry don't make me slap you like a comedian at the Oscars!"

"Wait you…?" Sam did a double take.

Bob told her. "Yeah, even out here we know about it! Which tells you something about the state of the media nowadays!"

Bob turned around. "Free speech my furry butt! I'm telling you Larry, the government repealing the Fairness Doctrine for news outlets was one of the stupidest things it ever did! That's why everything's gone to H-E- Double Hockey Sticks! That's why the news is so polarizing! I want news with facts gosh darn it! I don't want no bias either way! I want it like Sgt. Friday! Just the facts Ma'am!"

"You have to admit," Pete remarked. "For squirrels they have an amazingly high level of conversation."

Bob went on. "If I want to hear about bias, I'll just listen to you about Critical Squirrel Theory! Well obviously, this country has been prejudiced against squirrels from the beginning! And how are things going to get better for squirrels if you keep harping on the Acorn Dome Scandal of 1955?"

"Oh my God," Trevor could hardly keep it in. "I'm gonna lose it."

"Bob has already lost it," Isaac sighed.

"Eisenhower had nothing to do with it and you know it, Larry!" Bob shouted. "It was all the CIA's doing! Well, you'd know that if you looked at the facts! Facts I'm going to prove in my book! I WILL TOO GET TO PUBLISH IT SOMEDAY!"

"Oh my God…" Sam blinked.

"SHUT UP LARRY!" Bob shouted. "GET AN AFTERLIFE!"

"And we're done," Isaac sighed as he started to walk away.

"Nice meeting you…" Sam walked away as well with the others. "Bob…And Larry. And whoever else is up there."

"You see what I mean right?" Isaac asked after they got far enough away. "You can't reason with that man!"

"The guy sits in a tree all the time making up stories about squirrels and other animals," Trevor told her. "And he thinks he is one! This is a level of mishegas that has reached the stratosphere."

"Well, we did our duty for the year," Isaac remarked. "I think it's safe to say we won't be seeing Bob for quite some time. If we're lucky."

"And I think I've had enough of finding out what ghosts live here," Sam sighed. "I think I'd rather be surprised in the future."

"That sounds like a wise course of action," Isaac remarked.

"Now what do you want to do?" Pete asked.

"Want to go jump off the roof?" Trevor asked. "We haven't done that in a while."

"Sure!" Pete said cheerfully. "Coming Isaac?"

"Uh no thank you," Isaac coughed. "I'm good."

"Your loss," Trevor shrugged. "Come on Pete let's see if anyone else wants to join in." They went ahead.

"Samantha, a word of advice," Isaac sighed. "You might not want to look out the window for the next few hours. Particularly when Trevor is jumping."

"Got it," Sam groaned.