he's always been faithful to me.

"And as He spoke He no longer looked to them like a lion;
but the things that began to happen after that
were so great and beautiful that I cannot write them."

He's always been faithful. This is my story, this is my song. Do not be fooled by what others may say; the Lord hears and is attentive to the cries of his people, especially the mothers. He does not ignore the cries of a mother for her children.

I had a very small part to play in all of this. The Lion would argue otherwise, and though I know he is right, what I have done in my life does not seem like much compared to what my children have done and accomplished in theirs. But still, he has brought me Here, to be with him. And it is only by grace. Only by his grace.

In fact, when I arrived, I had no idea of where Here was or the incredible story that my children had been swept into. I could not have imagined. But upon being Here and meeting the Lion, he told me a story – he told me my story – and I realized that This Place, this magical land that my children had come to love and fight for so fiercely, was nearly a direct answer to my prayers.

I prayed for my children while they were away, living in the dear Professor's house. I didn't know what else to do. I just knew that something needed to change in all four of them – their hearts needed healing – and as the situation was now entirely out of my hands, I turned to the only one I knew could help them: my Shepherd, my best friend. I asked him to let Edmund know that he was loved. I asked that Peter and Susan would have peace and that little Lucy wouldn't lose her light. And I prayed that they would all be safe, that they would get along and protect and care for each other. But I think my faith was too small, for I was not expecting so drastic a change when they returned to me, safe and sound. They all came back confident, more assured (and there was so much more), but I could never quite uncover what had taken place in the country to produce these changes in them.

Years passed.

Then the day of the crash came. It was all so sudden. No one could have known that the end of that day would be so different from its beginning.

But by the end, my husband and I were in a beautiful Place where we were reunited with our dear children. And there I learned, much to my surprise, that they had visited this strange Place before. In fact, they had lived here and grown up here, somehow. They told me of magical Talking Creatures, singing Trees, and a Lion who made them kings and queens, and suddenly, it all made sense. Finally. It was magic, in some sense of the word, and they had in fact grown up in the country, more than I could have ever imagined. I couldn't really wrap my head around it all. But I knew – I was in the land my children called home. It had changed their lives, and I had a talking Lion to thank for it all.

And all I can say is that, when I finally met him, I fell at his feet.

"Sir," I began, my voice trembling in the presence of this mighty Creature, "I believe I owe you a great debt." I didn't dare look into his face, so I continued, fixing my eyes on the ground. "My children tell me you are the one I should thank for whatever happened to them in the country, for whatever happened to them in this country. And I don't know how I could ever sufficiently repay you, but I suppose…"

"My daughter," his voice rumbled. Hearing him speak terrified me to my core but also filled me up with the warmest sensation from head to toe. There was such a kindness in his voice. "There will be no need for that," he said to me.

"What?" I looked up, confused, but at last I was gazing upon the Lion's face. And at once, I was captivated. His eyes burned like fire, but they were also filled with a deep love, greater than anything I had known or experienced before. And though I had never met a Lion like this One – so wonderful and majestic – he had a sort of familiarity about him that I couldn't quite place. I felt that I knew him…and that I had known him, somehow.

"There is no need for repayment," he repeated. "I'm very glad to have you here with us."

"Oh, but there must be something…" I protested. "You have done so much for our family, for my children. You don't even know…"

And then he laughed – a big, hearty, joyous laugh, the kind that makes everyone else want to join in the laughter. "I know, my child," he responded gently.

And I believed him.

His eyes locked with mine again, and it was the strangest thing, for when he looked into my eyes, it seemed that he knew me, too. But how? I didn't understand. Still I mustered up whatever courage I had left to ask, "Who…who are you? Do I know you?"

The Lion let out a warm chuckle. Then he was suddenly wrapped up in this glory, surrounded by a great, blinding light. The light emanating from him pierced everything with dazzling splendor, and I watched, in awe of the spectacle unfolding before me. But as soon as the glory had appeared, it was gone.

And standing there, instead of a Lion, was a Man. A Man just like any other, but standing in that same beauty and glory of the Lion. And when I saw his face, it struck me – I did know him. Of course I did. How did I not realize it before?

It was my dearest friend.

I was kneeling in the presence of my Shepherd, my Lord. This was a Man I had known nearly all my life. Over years and decades, he had become my rock. He was not only my Savior, but my closest friend.

Trust me, he had whispered as I brought my wrestles and struggles before him.

Just keep waiting. Hold on a little longer, he spoke when I had too many questions and not enough answers.

And now, he was here – right here – standing before me in this magical Place, and oh…was he really the one behind all of this? Was he the one I should be thanking?

I was relieved at the sight of him, and I was struck with wonder. My mind crowded with thoughts and emotions, each one fighting for my focus, but only one prevailed.

Worthy is the Lamb.

I fell on my face again. "Lord," I gasped. "It's you."

Holy, holy, holy. Worthy, worthy, worthy. He is so, so beautiful. Full of glory.

Everything I had learned and heard for years – nearly my whole life – it was all true. The very Christ was standing in front of me, and words could not begin to truly describe him.

Holy.

And then he called me by name.

I cannot express what I felt when I heard my name come from his lips. I shivered in awe and froze, stunned.

"Lift up your head, dear one," he said.

And I did. My eyes met his, and I looked at him. I really looked at him, taking in all of his features, and I realized that he had the warmest smile on his face. His eyes burned, just like the Lion's, with love and passion.

"Welcome. It is good to have you here, my friend."

"Yes…yes…" It was all I could utter in the moment.

"Your children have found their home here, and now it is time for you to make yours in this land as well. In my country."

"Your country?" I asked. "So you…you called them here? You're the one who met them and changed them."

"Yes," he nodded. "You asked me to."

Then the most marvelous thing happened. The good Shepherd knelt down to meet my gaze and placed a firm hand on my shoulder.

"I heard you," he said.

And the moment he spoke those words, the memories returned, all at once. Hundreds of images flashed before me, each one a moment over the years that I spent before the Lord in prayer for my children. Some took place as I knelt by my bed, some as I stood at the kitchen counter, and others as I wept on the bathroom floor. And though the Shepherd did not speak as he showed me these images, I heard his voice in my spirit, loud and clear:

"I heard you. Every word. Day after day. No one else may have been listening, but I was. Your prayers moved my heart."

Your prayers moved my heart. But they were so weak, so broken. How is it possible that they could touch the heart of God?

I continued watching the scenes play out before me – those long nights of loneliness, the hours spent kneeling by the bedside. "Let them truly know you, Father!" I prayed. "Make yourself known to them. They need you. They need to know you."

"You weren't just shouting at a wall," his voice resounded within me, powerfully yet tenderly. "I saw you. Every word and every tear I have collected. They are precious to me."

Then I watched the same moments play back again, but this time with one difference – his presence. I saw it all as he did – or rather, as it truly was. I watched my Lord come to me as I prayed. Again and again, in every moment without fail, although I could not see, he was near. By my side, refreshing me and strengthening me. Oh, how beautiful he had made my story.

"I was with you. I ached with you," he said.

I watched as my Friend comforted me, as he held me, as he added to my tears with his own. I watched as he stayed, as he didn't flinch when I banged my fists against the ground. I watched him nod in agreement next to me. I am with you. And I love them even more than you do.

They are mine.

When the memories finished playing, I was a wreck, weeping on my knees. How was immense kindness like this even possible? Towards me? And my children, my family?

I looked up into the Lord's face again, and even through my tears, I could see the most tender grin on his face.

"It was me," he said, so joyfully. His eyes were sparkling, full of life, and I thought they were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. "I met them. And I loved them. I looked after them like you asked me to, but I wanted to do it, so much more than you wanted me to. They were mine first, after all."

And I wasn't sure, but I could have sworn here that he winked. But in utter disbelief, all I could muster was "thank you, thank you," over and over again. How could I repay such a gift? Not to mention – how could I repay God? If I'd ever had any doubts, now I knew for certain that he was the most worthy of absolutely everything I could ever offer.

"I am for you," he assured me, so sweetly. All of his words were like honey to my soul. "I've always been on your side."

And I was undone by his words, undone just by his presence.

So to you, dear friend, know this: the Lord hears. And he sees. He sees your heart, he hears your cries, and without a shadow of doubt, he remembers you. He is near, he is near, even when you can't see him or feel him. He draws so near in our brokenness; just keep going back to him.

For he is for you, and he loves you.