Egon stood in front of the door to the firehouse and sighed. He had dug up so much and now he had to dump it all on Janine, a woman who was strong and confident in most situations but terribly weary right now. He wondered if she was still there or if she gave up and went home. He opened the door to find out.
When he walked in and looked toward Janine's desk, he saw that she was still there. Phew. She sat on the edge of her desk and still had Casey in her arms. He was contently sucking on a pacifier with his eyes closed. Her hearing was as sharp as she was. Her eyes darted towards Egon the moment that he made it to the garage.
"Well, look who's come crawling back," she said.
Egon looked down and shook his head a few times.
"Janine… Casey…" said Egon, "I'm sorry. I'm incredibly sorry for the way I've been acting lately. I don't know what's gotten into me. Actually, that's incorrect. I know exactly what's gotten into me. The stress of the demon invasion has been keeping me from fulfilling my parental duties."
Janine raised an eyebrow at Egon's insistence at stopping at the obvious.
"Oh, is that all?" she asked.
"No… no, it's not. I also wanted to say that, deep down, I knew all along that Casey is my child. I've been using the excuse of his disputed paternity to ignore both of you."
"Yeah, paternity that's only disputed to you, Bub. Listen, Eggie, I did hook up with a bunch of different guys at one point but I haven't done that for a while. That version of me is pretty much dead by this point. By the time I became pregnant, you were my one and only… and you still are."
Egon felt targeted but not in a way that was threatening. It was mainly a way that was surprising… and comforting. But mostly surprising. "I'm your ideal partner for intimacy? But why?"
"Because you have leadership qualities and you've got brains. I consider both those things to be sexy."
Funny, thought Egon. Nobody in high school or college was sexually or romantically interested in him for those qualities.
"Well, I appreciate that," said Egon, "When we hired you, I was thankful to have you for your clerical skills but I eventually became thankful that you provided much needed… stress relief for those trying times."
"I mean, I do care." Janine looked down at their baby and stroked his hair.
"But why did you choose me to be the father of your child? There are many men out there who would make better fathers. Why not Ray? He seemed to be the most excited about you having a baby."
"Because those traits that make you sexy are also good traits to have overall. Confidence, level-headedness and brains are what good fathers are made of."
Egon swallowed his pride before continuing. "Well, the other reason why I've been acting like this is because… I'm afraid. I'm not the confident person you think I am. I thought I could face this new role in my life but I was wrong. Instead of embracing fatherhood like any good man would do, I retreated into myself. I retreated into my work, something that is familiar and comforting."
"You're a funny one, Egon. You're not afraid of ghosts and yet you're afraid of fatherhood."
"I know. I thought I would be ready when the birth happened and yet I wasn't. In fact, I felt even less prepared than before, if that's even possible."
Janine sighed. "Egon, what you've been doing the past few months may have been selfish and unacceptable but… I felt the same way."
Egon snapped out of his mopey attitude and back to one of surprise and confusion. "You did?"
"Of course! I didn't feel ready for Casey at all. And, mind you, I wanted to have this kid. One of the best-kept secrets of parenthood is that nothing prepares you for parenthood. You can read all the parenting books you like and take all the well-meaning advice from friends and family that you can handle but, the truth is, your child is his own person and he has his own needs. I prepared so well that I even made sure to tell Kiefer that he was going to be a big brother."
"Your aloe plant?"
"Yeah. You've got to be open about these things to your succulents. Anyway, as I was about to say, you've just got to wing it and do your best with your sense of love and duty. Babies are full of surprises, as well as other things that don't need to be mentioned."
Egon felt an ugly, putrid mix of tension and self-loathing that had to come out of him through words. "Janine, you don't understand! I don't have that sense of love and duty. In fact, I'm deficient in a lot of things that humans should have! I don't understand how other people can love unconditionally. My own father certainly didn't show me that kind of love. What has Casey done to deserve my love other than being born and having my DNA?!"
"Egon, how can you say that? You do have that sense of love and duty. The reason you bust ghosts on a day-to-day basis is because you care about people who you didn't even know about until they call the firehouse. You look out for all of us and ensure that we take the proper safety precautions when we use your inventions. Would you have fought The Boogeyman if you didn't care about children the world over? Thanks to you, they can all sleep at night without that big-headed mohawked creature bothering them. If you can show love and concern for all those kids, then surely you can show those things to your son."
Egon's worry spiral stopped curling at that very moment. Once he put everything into perspective, he knew that he did have what it took to be a parent. He did have room in his life for this tiny person that he helped create. Parents had plenty to worry about in general but, at the same time, Egon, personally, had nothing to worry about.
"Don't get me wrong, parenting can be exhausting and thankless and sometimes I have the urge to chuck Casey out of the nearest window. But let me tell ya, it's so worth it because he's cute and you get to watch him grow into his own person. Frankly, I don't know what I'd do without him in my life."
Casey opened his eyes while continuing to suck on his pacifier, eyes that were a ghostly blue, just like Egon's. He hummed a little.
Egon held his hand out to see if Casey would touch it. After some inspection, Casey reached out his right hand and grabbed his father's index finger. There were many times in Egon's life when he felt wanted – whether that was by the press, the scientific establishment or the other members of the team whenever they had a mild disagreement. But this type of wanting felt a bit more special than that. It felt loving and hopeful. God forbid, Egon could use a bit more love and hope in his life, he just didn't know where to find it until now.
"You're not scary at all," Egon said to his son. He then looked back up at Janine. "At least not like that dream I had six weeks ago."
"What dream?" asked Janine.
"I had the strangest dream. I was being chased and eventually consumed by a needy and constantly-growing venus flytrap that was given to me by the Greek goddess of sexuality and procrea- Oh my god, my dream makes so much more sense when I put it in those terms."
Janine laughed. "See? You were feeling guilty about what you were doing! Dreams have weird ways of telling us things."
Egon looked down at his shoes and moved his right foot back and forth. "I mean… after all that's happened, do you think Casey deserves a father like me? Would he accept me into his life or has the damage been done?"
"Egon, you haven't missed very much of his life at all. I mean, sure, you missed his first smile but thank your lucky stars you weren't there for his colicky phase."
"From now on, I'll try to be there for him when time permits. No more excuses in the form of work that doesn't actually need to be done. But…"
"But what?"
"But what is it exactly that you want me to do with him? It's not like I can take him out for beers, at least not until the year 2010."
"The same thing I've been doing with him, dummy." Janine wasn't beyond calling even the smartest people she knew "dummy" when the situation called for it, and this situation certainly called for it. "Sheesh, my mother was right. You are a putz. What you do is take care of him. You bond with him. You understand him. Then, maybe you will learn to love him."
"I don't know anything about infant care."
"Well, lucky you have me, then. And maybe Winston can teach you a few things as well."
"He's certainly better at singing lullabies, that's for sure. When would you want me to spend time with him? It would have to be a time that's convenient for both of us."
"Egon, he's a baby. I'm pretty sure his schedule is completely open except for anytime he wants to sleep."
"Hmm…"
"You know, Egon, before this firehouse was The Ghostbusters Headquarters, it was a firehouse."
"Yes, that much is obvious."
"And the people who worked at this firehouse didn't live and work here twenty-four-seven. They also had homes and families of their own. Maybe you can have a schedule similar to theirs. You know… part of the week at my place, part of the week at the firehouse."
Egon wasn't quick to come to a decision about Janine's suggestion. His son needed them but so did the entire city. What would the other guys do without "The Brains of the Outfit?" How would Egon's work get done without Egon there? How did one balance work and family? If only there were an easily-solvable mathematical equation for this.
"I don't know…" said Egon.
"You may not be able to bust ghosts or test inventions but you can still bring your other work with you. Last time I checked, books and paper were portable."
"I could invest in one of those portable computers that they sell in that computer superstore in Queens."
"That's the spirit!"
"But this means that we would have to do interviews for a parttime ghostbuster, just like how we did them for when you went on leave."
Janine thought for a bit.
"You know… maybe we don't have to," she said.
"What do you mean?"
"We could always bring back Gabby. From what I heard, she did a pretty good job with busting that dragon in Chinatown."
Egon was conflicted with this idea. He went through other potential people in his head. Louis Tully? He was busy doing finance. Dana Barret? She was a professional musician. Would she have time for both that and ghostbusting?
"Hmm…" said Egon.
"Oh, c'mon, Egon. You were the one saying that she was overqualified for the position. What better person to fill in your position than a fellow physics major?"
"Well, we can certainly consider her. We would have to talk it over with the others first."
For the first time in weeks, Egon saw Janine smile. Egon was smiling, too, but on the inside.
"So, what do you say?" she asked, "Ready to become a dad?"
At this point, there was no way that Egon could say "no" to this question. As far as he was concerned, he already had his Ancient Roman Father Moment where he metaphorically picked up the baby that was laid at his feet.
"Yes," said Egon, "I'm ready to embrace the new and accept this tiny person into my life."
Egon and Janine hugged with Casey in the middle. They were a family now.
Suddenly, applause was heard from the darkness.
"Bravo, bravo!" said Peter. He stepped out of the darkness while continuing to clap. "Janine, your performance was excellent as always but Egon, your acting was a bit wooden."
Egon sighed.
"Peter, what are you doing here?" he asked.
"TV's busted again," said Peter, "Seems to happen once a year or so."
"Peter."
"Yeah?"
"Go back upstairs and fix the damn television."
"You're the boss." Peter walked away without a fuss. "This episode brought to you by Mylanta."
Janine looked back at Egon and rolled her eyes.
"This is going to be good for all of us," she said, "Just you wait."
