A Duel and an Oubliette
"Do you have any twos?"
"Hmmm... No! Go fishing, little Callie."
The girl scowled in response, pursing her little rosebud lips and squinting those clear blue eyes in obvious distaste as she plucked a card from atop the deck that lay on the little table between them. Her expression brightened immediately, a dead giveaway as to the card's value to her. Giggling, she slapped down a two of clubs and a two of hearts, leaving but one card remaining in her small hand. "Your turn, Goblin King!" the girl said with a sweet, self-satisfied smile.
Jareth feigned dismay and scanned the cards in his hand theatrically. "Dear me... You are beginning to make me nervous. Let's see now... Do you have any sevens?"
"Nope!" she crowed triumphantly. "Go fish!"
The king did as he was told, and threw a hand over his eyes dramatically.
Callie grinned. "Bad card?"
He sighed wearily. "My dear, you don't know the half of it... Your turn."
"Do you have any sixes?!" she blurted. Jareth looked at his hand, screwed up his face, and passed her the card.
"Lady Calpurnia, you have defeated me!"
The girl beamed in delight, her little face glowing in triumph. "I told you I was a Go Fish champion!" Her expression softened then, and she reached out to pat him on the arm. "You'll get better, don't worry."
The Goblin King stared at her for a moment, feeling that peculiar tugging in his chest again. Jareth, enough of this...he admonished himself. You are a king, for heaven's sake. You mustn't go soft over a little girl. "You are a good teacher, little Callie."
"Ooh! Ooh! King!" A rather stocky goblin with boar-like tusks protruding from his lower lip began jumping up and down by Jareth's elbow. "Scragg gits to play th' winner! R'member?"
Jareth rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Yes alright, get on with it," he snapped, rising from his seat. "But if you so much as try to cheat, then I shall hurl you headfirst into the Bog of Eternal Stench. Understood?"
Scragg saluted him. "Understooded, Majesty!"
"And Mort plays next!" chirped yet another goblin.
"Then Tweak!"
At least five other goblins crowded around the little card table, all clamoring in excitement. Callie giggled and began to explain the rules to Scragg.
Jareth watched her a moment longer, before strolling across the throne room. Curled up in the king's throne and wrapped in his midnight cloak lay Little Alec, toy dragon clutched to his chest, eyes closed in peaceful slumber. It hadn't taken long for him to relax enough to fall asleep. Satisfied with the boy's comfort, Jareth moved on to the window and leaned gracefully against the ledge, looking out over his domain.
"Well now, Lara Mine... Shall we see how you fare?" With a languid turn of his fingers, a crystal took shape. Within its depths the form of young Lara slowly came into focus. She had acquired a proper sword by the looks of it...and she was smiling to herself. "What makes you smile so, sweetling?" he muttered, willing the image to expand and show him her whereabouts. Well, well, well, that little cheat! Look at her prancing along the wall tops, so bloody pleased with herself... Jareth felt ready to spit flames. "Not on my watch, precious!" He hurled the crystal at the wall, where it exploded in a shower of glitter.
"Hildy!" he barked. Moments later, a short, plump, female goblin in a scruffy brown dress came scurrying to his side.
"You called, Majesty?"
Jareth stalked up and down in agitation. "I need you to look after the children. Something's come up."
The little she-goblin beamed. "Ohhhh...Hildy loves children, king. I'll look after 'em like they was me own babies."
"See that you do." With that, he spun on the spot and vanished from the throne room.
—x—
Seventeen minutes later and all was going smoothly. The walls were almost too easy to navigate and the distances simply melted away. I grinned broadly as I pranced along the wall top, so pleased with myself that I began to sing once more.
"Don't let me hear you say life's taking you nowhere, Angel!
Look at that sky, life's begun..."
This was great. If I got the kids back well before my time ran out, it was only a welcome bonus. That fancy blond ruler would just have to eat it. I hopped a small gap and landed easily on the other side, putting gleeful energy into my voice as I sang the chorus.
"I'll stick with you baby for a thousand years!
Nothing's gonna touch you in these golden years-"
Much to my shock, a high pitched masculine voice harmonized with my own on that last line...and not unpleasantly, I'll admit. I whipped around in alarm, weapon already half drawn. But it was only the Goblin King, standing there with arms crossed, foot tapping impatiently, and a look of lazy disapproval upon those angular features. He was clad in different garments this time, having abandoned that ominous black cape of his and traded his midnight blouse for one of purest white, partially opened at the front to display several inches of smoothe bare chest. I couldn't help but notice the peculiar amulet of white gold resting there upon his skin. "Lara Tyler, what under earth do you think you're doing?"
I quickly shifted my surprise into a scowl. "Singing. That a crime?"
The king tutted. "No, no, of course not... And I must say, I applaud your choice of song." He clapped his gloved hands sarcastically. "But, sweet Lara...you are a terrible cheat. Walking the walls is against the rules, naughty girl. I expected better of you!"
"I don't remember you giving me a list of rules when you dumped me on that hilltop. Now if you'll excuse me, I have children to rescue." I bowed mockingly and turned to continue on my way...only to find the king standing directly in front of me. I yelped and glanced over my shoulder, but there was only empty space where he had been just milliseconds before.
"Have you always been such a bother?" he sighed, without backing from my personal space. "I certainly expect so. But, before I force you from these walls I want you to tell me... How are you enjoying my Labyrinth?" That smirk of his made me want to punch him in the mouth.
"You know...it's not all that bad..." I smiled sweetly and reached back for my blade. "But you made a poor choice in words, sire. Nobody forces me to do anything." In a heartbeat, my sword was in my hand and I was pressing its edge to the side of the Goblin King's neck. "Move."
A smirk tugged at his lips and those mismatched eyes glinted. "Really, my pet? I must insist otherwise." Before I could even blink, a ringing was in the air, the song of steel on steel, and my sword arm lurched to the side. The Goblin King slipped into a fencer's stance, a slim silver rapier having materialized in his right hand. "Put that thing away and climb down from here, like a good girl."
I gaped at him, but only for a split second before a clever smirk spread across my face. Finally! This was what I had wanted all along! Mirroring his stance and taking inspiration from Inigo Montoya, I slipped my boughten sword into my right hand as well. The better to keep him on his toes. If he was irritated by my defiance, he did not show it. Instead, his cat-like grin widened, and a strange, hungry light burned in his eyes. He made a formal salute with his blade. "En guard, Lara Tyler."
I mimicked the gesture. "Touché, Your Majesty."
The Goblin King smiled...and pounced, moving faster than I could have imagined possible. But I was ready. My blade met his with a resounding clang and so began our dance. For a moment it seemed that we were well matched. My sword was a bit heavy for me, but blow for blow, I met him and returned in kind. Exhilaration combined with years of training both formally and with my brother made my movements swift, my steps quick, my senses sharp and alert. Blow for blow. Strike for strike. The smile never faded from the Goblin King's face as he bobbed and wove, lunged and parried. I wondered briefly if we would go on like that forever...but then the game began to change. His strikes became quicker, stronger, more difficult to defend against. I felt my eyes widen in poorly concealed surprise. He's better than me! To my dismay, I was forced to switch the blade to my more skillful left hand in order to keep up with him. The king noticed this and laughed.
"A thief and a miscreant as well, are you?" He parried, sidestepped carefully on the narrow wall top, and made a graceful arcing slash toward my left shoulder. I whipped my own heavy blade up to meet his. "Which of my poor idiot subjects is running about without a weapon?"
"I didn't steal it!" I feinted toward his left hip, then recoiled and turned it into a lunge. "I paid a fortune for this sword!" A half exhausted chuckle snuck from my throat at my own wit. Paid a fortune... God, I'm funny...
"Ha!" The king batted my blade away with sickening ease. "It was a fortune ill spent... You can barely wield that glorified coal-stirrer!"
I gritted my teeth and doubled my grip on that bloody sword hilt, making no reply. He wasn't wrong. My arms and wrists were beginning to ache with the weight and clumsiness of the longsword. My strikes and slashes were crude and sloppy in comparison to the Goblin King's elegant fencing. He blocked every one of my blows effortlessly, but for each it was as if he made the decision last minute. He allowed my blade so close at one point it made his pale hair flutter. But as close as I came to hitting him, he came closer still. He tapped both of my shoulders without drawing blood. He allowed the tip of his blade to whistle past my collarbone, faint as a whisper. I felt my face and neck grow hot with exertion and frustration, the shame of it all. He's toying with me! Damn it all, he was having the time of his life! That stupid smug grin on his face.
We went on like that for half a minute more...until he smacked me across the backside with the flat of his blade. I have never been so furious in my entire life.
"AHH! THAT IS IT!" I swung my heavy longsword as hard as I could, putting every ounce of strength I had into it. Unable to withstand the stress of such a blow, the king's slender rapier sheared in half with a musical ringing of steel, leaving him holding just the hilt and about a foot of blade in his hand. He stared at the ruined sword in astonishment, his mouth slightly agape. I whipped my own blade up and leveled the tip with his throat, glaring daggers and breathing heavily. "WILL YOU PLEASE MOVE?!"
To my absolute confusion, the king's look of wide-eyed shock dissolved almost immediately, replacing itself with an accommodating smile and a nonchalant shrug, as though I had simply inquired about the weather. "Of course." He stepped aside with a flourish.
I gaped at him, completely at a loss. "Wait a minute... What?"
He just fixed me with that grin, a slight twinkle in those mismatched eyes. "You politely asked me to move, so I did. I really don't see what all the trouble was about, Lara Mine."
"But...you just- I just worked my ass off to beat you in a duel! Well...not that it was that hard...because it wasn't! B-but now you're telling me that if I'd just asked nicely in the first place, I could have saved the time?"
"I'm a staunch believer in the value of manners, my pet. It can't be said that my mother didn't raise me well. You asked me politely, so I granted your request. You are free to go."
I stared at him in disbelief. I really don't understand this guy... "I still won the duel."
He shrugged casually and examined the back of his gloved left hand. "Apples and oranges. Either way, your path is clear."
I frowned at him. This was really weird... But I hardly had the time to puzzle over it, so, like an idiot, I began to move past him. "Thanks. You know, if you were this reasonable all the time, I might not hate you so much. Not so bad with a blade, either, for a guy in tights."
"Why, thank you, Lara Mine..." he purred. "You're not so bad with a blade yourself. And I had hoped you'd notice my lower garb, I put them on especially for you." He reached out and ruffled my hair playfully.
I whipped around and was about to shout at him again when I got the fright of my life. The ground dropped out from beneath my feet and I began to plummet through empty space. A cry of terror tore from my lips and I could have sworn my life was flashing before my eyes...but just as quickly as my fall began, it stopped. I had been caught by someone, or rather, many someones as I could feel them grasping my clothes, my arms, my legs. I squinted through the gloom, trying to make out the face of my rescuer/rescuers. To my absolute horror, I realized by the light of day about ten feet above, that I was being held aloft by dozens upon dozens of disembodied hands. Hands. All grey and dark and perfectly bodiless. It kinda sent me over the edge. "SWEET EFFING GLORY! HOLY EFFING HELL!" I screeched and squirmed and writhed, trying to free myself from this nightmare.
"What is the matter, Lara?" echoed a casual voice from above. "Having a bit of trouble?"
I directed my attention to the face peering down at me, shooting him a look that would have melted stone. "GOBLIN KING, YOU LYING, CHEATING, SONOFA-"
"When did I lie to you, sweetling?" he asked innocently. "I thought you wanted to walk the walls?"
"YOU SET ME UP!" I roared.
"I did not!" He looked affronted by such an accusation. "I just gave you exactly what you asked for. Was I supposed to know there was a trap there?"
"IT'S YOUR LABYRINTH!"
He shrugged. "Apples and-"
"GET ME OUT OF HERE!"
"Well, perhaps if you asked nicely and sweetly like the darling girl you are. Whatever happened to your lovely manners?"
"STUFF MY MANNERS, YOU FANCY BLOND CREEP!"
"Oh, come now... Flattery will get you nowhere."
Seething, I was just planning a thousand and one ways to murder that guy when a hissing voice echoed through the tunnel.
"Do be quiet, lady... Such a racket is most unbecoming." To my immediate left, free hands had folded themselves into a grotesque parody of a face. It was from this the voice emanated.
"Oh, my God..." I looked up imploringly at the Goblin King, but he only watched in amusement.
"We are the Helping Hands, my lady," said yet another hand-face. "Which way now? Up? Or down?"
It took a moment to properly find my voice again, and when I did it trembled. "U-up. I'd like to go back up, please."
"No, no, no! I think not!" the king called. "You are to take Lara down. A fresh perspective will do her good..."
"Down, the king says?" echoed one of the voices.
"Aye. So down it shall be," said another.
"Goblin King?" I cried, gripped with fear. Not the dark. No, please, not the dark again...
"Best of luck, Lara Mine," he called, smiling.
I watched his face until it disappeared as I began to move downward again, this time assisted by the Helping Hands. Down and down into that dreaded darkness. Down and down into an Oubliette.
Author's Note: Okay! Here we are with yet another! This one was just a bit silly perhaps...but I did so enjoy writing it. Besides, who doesn't like a bit of swordplay now and then? And poor Lara looks as though she's in for a bit of a rough go down there in the dark. She didn't deserve that one... Or perhaps she did. After all, she was cheating, wasn't she? Perhaps this will tone down her little ego a bit.
As always, ladies and gents, any feedback, positive or otherwise, is more than welcome.
I do hope you keep reading...
