Tohru woke up about an hour out of Tokyo and found Kyo still staring out the window, his chin propped up on his hand. She yawned, then reached out to gently touch his arm. "Is everything ok?"
Kyo had been so caught up in his thoughts that he hadn't even noticed her wake up, and her touch startled him at first. But then he looked over at her, smiling. "Yeah, everything's fine. I've just been thinking, that's all. You have a good nap?"
Tohru nodded, raising her arms up and behind her to stretch. "I did. I'll probably be stiff later after sleeping sitting up, but I feel a lot better. Master Kazuma was planning to wait up for us, right?"
"Yeah, he wanted us to stop in at the house before we went to our room. Since we're getting in today, he said he wanted to actually see me and say happy birthday," Kyo said, unable to hide the pleased grin that the statement brought about. Kazuma was an early riser and tended to go to bed early; their train wouldn't even be arriving until after ten, so it would be late by the time they made their way to the dojo. But Kazuma had been adamant: "It's not every day my son becomes an adult, Kyo. This is quite the special occasion."
Kyo's obvious pleasure made Tohru smile in turn, and she gave his leg a squeeze. "Well, I'm not surprised at all. We'll just have to walk quickly on our way to the dojo, so we don't keep Master Kazuma up too late!"
They both settled a little more comfortably into their seats, turning slightly so their knees angled towards each other.
"You know, I forgot to ask you how your day went. Did anyone at the dojo say anything about your birthday?"
Kyo snorted. "Yeah, they said something, alright."
"Oh?" Tohru's tone was amused; in spite of the fact that Kyo's voice sounded surly, she could tell from the fact he was smiling that he'd actually enjoyed it, whatever it was.
"Yeah. Pretty much all day I had 'good spirits' or whatever leaving me presents," he said, chuckling. "A bottle of sake, some lottery tickets, a cigar," Tohru made a face at the mention of the cigar, and he laughed before continuing, "a driving manual, a voter registration form. They were thorough, that's for damn sure."
Tohru was giggling at the list of items, minus the cigar. "It sounds like they had a lot of fun! Did you win any money?"
"Dunno, I didn't scratch them off yet. I gave Yamada back the cigar, so you don't have to worry there," he said with a grin.
"Thank goodness. I don't understand why people like those, they smell so bad! And they're not good for you, at all."
"I dropped the sake off at home over lunch. Dunno if it's any good, but we can give it a try together some other time."
Tohru made another face, and he laughed, hugging her close. "What, you didn't decide you loved it after your twentieth?"
Though Kyo was turning twenty today, Tohru had celebrated her own birthday the previous summer. In the beginning, she had felt weirdly self-conscious about being older than him; why, he couldn't fathom, especially since it was only by a few months. But for her birthday, Hanajima and Uotani had treated her to a girl's weekend in Fukushima, complete with playing the lottery and getting completely wasted.
Kyo hadn't been at all surprised to learn it took almost nothing to get Tohru drunk. While the two of them had perhaps justifiably earned their 'goody two-shoes' reputation, neither of them had actually waited until their twentieth birthday to imbibe for the first time. The night they'd gotten engaged had been particularly memorable, with Tohru managing to get drunk off of a single glass of champagne. That would have been complicated enough on its own, but they also happened to be sitting on the roof of Rin's house, the former house of Shigure. In the middle of the night. And needed to get back to the dojo.
Kyo had ended up carrying the tired and drunk Tohru most of the way back to the dojo, and he'd had enough champagne himself to make that walk...difficult. It had certainly been an interesting end to the night, and one of the big takeaways was that Tohru could not handle her alcohol.
He'd made sure to tell Uotani and Hanajima that fact before they went out drinking; the last thing any of them needed was Tohru getting sick.
That hadn't stopped either Uotani or Tohru from getting drunk, or Tohru from regretting pretty much all of it. After she got home, she announced to Kyo that going forward, she was limiting her alcohol consumption to when she could safely stay at home, and even then to only have small amounts.
It just wasn't worth the headache.
Though the reminder of her twentieth brought to mind Kyo's own upcoming 'party,' and she grinned at him impishly. "Are you excited to go out and get drunk with your friends?"
Kyo gave her a Look. "I'm not gonna get drunk, Tohru."
"I didn't plan to get drunk either," she said with a shake of her head.
"Yeah, but you're like...a tissue paper weight. A Styrofoam weight. You can get drunk from using mouthwash," Kyo said, grinning at her. "It's not exactly the same thing!"
"I'm not that bad, Kyo! And you never know, it's not like you drink all the often, yourself."
He chuckled, taking her hand in his. "I've had enough to know I've got a higher tolerance than you, anyway, and I'm not gonna get drunk." The two of them looked at each other for a minute, then they both laughed before Kyo kissed her knuckles. "But I'm looking forward to it, yeah. It sounds like it's gonna be fun, and it'll be nice to hang out with the guys."
Hearing Kyo sound so enthusiastic made Tohru smile. When Yamada had contacted her to ask about Kyo's availability for their proposed bar party, she had been touched to be consulted, and excited for Kyo. For all that he'd worried about navigating social situations, he'd settled into life in Hibe absolutely beautifully. Although he was the youngest of the instructors at the dojo, they'd thoroughly taken him into their hearts and into their group. Yamada had even asked Tohru if there were any other friends Kyo might like to have come to the bar with them.
She also appreciated Yamada's promise to make sure Kyo made it home safely. Kyo might say he wasn't going to get drunk, but in spite of his protests she wasn't sure she believed him.
"You know what else this means, right? Now that we're twenty?"
Kyo glanced at Tohru, uncertain where she was going with this. "What?"
She smiled. "It means we don't need a cosigner anymore! When the lease renews next month, we'll actually be able to have it in solely our names. I imagine Master Kazuma will be relieved, not to be liable anymore."
"Nah, I doubt he even actually remembers he's on it. It's not like we've ever missed a payment or anything," Kyo said, thinking about the house back in Hibe. Since he and Tohru had only been 18 when they moved, they weren't able to take out a lease in their own name without an adult cosigner. Kazuma hadn't even waited for them to ask, volunteering to provide anything they needed. It had been...nice.
Lease and contracts were something that Kyo hadn't thought about, but he could deal with all of that now. Another thing to add to the list of 'legal adult' perks and benefits, a list that was short but remarkably satisfying. And thinking about that list, he looked over at Tohru and smiled. "You know what else we can do, when we're twenty?"
"Hmm?"
"Get married without anyone's permission."
Tohru's return smile was nearly as bright as Kyo's own.
In spite of the late hour, it was oddly peaceful to walk from the train station to the dojo after arriving in Tokyo. The traffic noises were subdued, and the cold January air made all of the streetlights seem extra lustrous. But neither Kyo nor Tohru was taking a lot of time to look at them; it was too late at night, and they were far too cold. Instead, the two of them walked as quickly as they could down the few blocks to the dojo gate, letting themselves in through the small side door and heading through the courtyard.
"Do you want to drop off the suitcase first, Kyo?"
Kyo considered for a moment, then shook his head. "Nah, we'll be coming back out soon enough. Let's just go find Dad, so he can get to bed!"
The two of them made their way through the dojo compound to Kazuma's house, sliding open the front door and quickly stepping inside. "Knock knock!"
Kazuma's voice came floating through the doorway. "In the living room!"
Tohru and Kyo abandoned their shoes, outerwear, and suitcase in the entryway, heading down the hall to the living room. There they found Kazuma with Kunimitsu, the two of them just rising to their feet as Tohru and Kyo arrived.
"How wonderful to see you, Kyo," Kazuma said with a smile, clasping Kyo tightly in his arms. "Happy birthday!"
Kyo laughed, returning the hug. "Thanks, Dad!" It had been almost five months since Kyo had been back to the dojo, and while Kazuma had been able to make a lightning trip up to Hibe in November, it still felt like it had been far too long. Kyo loved a lot of things about Hibe, but the one thing that truly sucked was the distance from Kazuma.
Kunimitsu gave Tohru a hug. "Welcome back, Tohru; I hope you guys didn't have too rough a trip."
"No, not at all!" Tohru smiled, shaking her head. "And I wasn't expecting you to be up, Kunimitsu, it's so nice of you to have waited for us!"
"Well, I didn't want Kazuma to fall asleep while he waited," Kunimitsu said with a chuckle. "Besides, it gave me a chance to say happy birthday to this guy," he added, giving Kyo a hug in turn.
Kazuma turned to Tohru. "It's so nice to have you home again, Tohru. I hope you enjoy your visit." He hugged her close, then looked at the two of them, sighing in satisfaction. "It's always so wonderful, having the two of you home."
"Well, I'm going to head out to bed; you guys have a good talk, just make sure you actually get to your futons before you pass out, ok?" Kunimitsu gave them all a wave, then disappeared down the hallway.
Kyo was chuckling as they sat down at the table. "He's got a point, Dad; are you sure you don't need to go sleep, too?"
Kazuma shook his head. "No, not yet. Obviously I won't have the stamina for too late of a night," he said with a smile, "But I should be good for a little while." He sighed happily, looking from Tohru to Kyo again. "It's just so good to have you both home. And for Coming of Age Day, too!" He shook his head again, this time in amazement. "It seems like just yesterday you were a little boy, Kyo, and now..." he took a breath, then chuckled. "Listen to me, getting so sentimental practically as soon as you walked through the door. Would either of you like some tea, or some water?"
Kyo was looking down at the table, grinning. For all that he'd always pretended he hated when Kazuma would fuss over him, it had always been nice; part of maturing had meant he could actually admit it. "It's great to be back, Dad, no matter the reason. But you don't have to get us anything, let me take care of that." He glanced at Tohru. "Water?"
She nodded, and Kyo got up and headed into the kitchen.
Kazuma smiled after him, then looked at Tohru. "You must have had such a long day, working and then travelling. I've already had the futon laid out in your room, so you two should be all set when you get out there."
"Thank you so much, Master Kazuma! It'll be nice to just go to sleep, it's been a very long day," Tohru said with a sigh.
"Oh?"
Kyo returned to the table with two glasses of water, one each for himself and Tohru. "Yeah. Tohru decided she wanted to have breakfast ready for me when I woke up this morning, can you believe it?"
Kazuma raised his eyebrows. "When you woke up?" He turned and looked at Tohru in surprise. "I didn't think you were one for the early hours, Tohru."
"Oh, she's not," Kyo said with a chuckle.
"But I really wanted to try, since it was such a special day," Tohru said, smiling. "And I even managed...mostly. Things were a little later than I wanted, but it was close."
"And it was all great," Kyo added. "But yeah, pretty sure that if Tohru hadn't been able to nap on the train, we'd be peeling her off the floor by now."
Kazuma chuckled. "Well, it sounds like a very considerate start to the day. I'm only sorry that you had to have such a long one; travelling so very late doesn't seem like it would be pleasant."
Kyo shrugged. "Eh, it wasn't that bad. It's a lot less busy, which is pretty nice. And it means that we don't have to rush quite so much tomorrow."
"Do you two know what you're doing tomorrow, yet?"
Tohru nodded. "I'm going over to see Akito in the midmorning-"
"-And I'm gonna stay here and attend classes."
"Then we're going to be meeting Uo-chan, Hana-chan, and Yuki for lunch, before we all head over to Ayame's shop for our fittings."
"Fittings?" Kazuma frowned for a moment, then smiled. "Ah, I'm assuming Ayame and Mine are handling your clothing for Monday?"
"That's right!" Tohru was very excited; Ayame and Mine had actually reached out to her directly, offering to clothe not only Tohru and Kyo but also Uo-chan and Hana-chan, if they wanted. Considering how expensive the formal furisode could be even to rent, Tohru had been staggered and touched by their offer, and after talking with her friends had accepted on behalf of all of them.
Having Yuki join them was an additional and very welcome bonus. While Yuki didn't need any clothing, he was also staying in Tokyo through the weekend to attend Coming of Age Day and had reached out to see about getting together with Tohru and Kyo. When he'd learned they were already meeting Uo-chan and Hana-chan for lunch, he'd asked if they minded him joining them. And he hadn't even changed his mind when he learned they were going to his brother's shop.
"I have no idea how long the fittings will take, so we've pretty much left the afternoon open after that," Tohru said with a nod. "At some point this weekend we'll be going over to see Grandpa, obviously, and we'll definitely try to catch up with a few other people. We also hope to spend plenty of time with you, Master Kazuma, if you're not too busy."
"I'm never too busy to see the two of you," Kazuma said with a smile. "Other than my usual weekend classes, I should be at your disposal."
Though all of them had a lot they wanted to say, it wasn't long before Kazuma and Tohru both started flagging, so everyone excused themselves to bed. Tohru and Kyo went back out to the entryway, slipping on their shoes and outerwear before grabbing their suitcase and heading back outside into the chilly night.
"Brrr. You know, most of the time, I love our courtyard room, but it's always a little difficult having to brave the cold right before bed," Tohru said with a shiver, glancing up at the clear night sky.
"Yeah, that's the price we pay for privacy," Kyo said with a nod, wrapping an arm around her. "Guess you'll just have to let me help you warm up."
Tohru reached up to hold onto his arm, leaning close to him and smiling. She'd never argue with a chance to cuddle up to Kyo!
Once inside their room, the two of them made short work of getting into pajamas and snuggling into the futon.
"Damn, it's really cold in here, isn't it? Almost makes me wish I'd brought a shirt," Kyo said, pulling the blankets all the way up over his bare shoulders. "And I hate sleeping in shirts."
"I know! I feel like it has to be colder here than it was back home," Tohru said, snuggling back against him. "I hope it's not this cold on Monday; I don't want to be standing outside too long if it's like this, and I know with the speeches and everything it will take a while."
"You know, if it's really cold then we could always just ditch," Kyo said hopefully, and Tohru looked back at him reproachfully.
"Really, Kyo? After we came all this way?"
"Well, I'm just saying we don't have too, that's all. If you're not gonna enjoy yourself, then what's the point?"
She huffed a little bit. "I didn't say I wouldn't enjoy it, just that I didn't want to be cold if I didn't have to."
He grinned, nuzzling against her. "You can be so stubborn sometimes."
"Yes, well." Tohru smiled, hugging his arms as they wrapped around her. Then she was silent for a moment, before asking, "Kyo?"
"Hmm?"
"Today...on the train?"
He tensed slightly, guessing what she was going to ask. "Yeah?"
"You were really quiet, for a really long time. Is everything ok?" He hadn't seemed upset, not really, so she hadn't wanted to pry. But something had definitely been on his mind, and she was curious.
Kyo was silent for a minute, then nodded. "Yeah, everything is fine. I was doing some thinking, that's all."
That's what he'd said earlier, too. "Is it something you can tell me about?"
This time he was silent for a bit longer, then he sighed. "Yes, but not tonight, ok? Because it's late, and if we get to talking then neither of us is gonna be in any shape for our morning plans. But I will tell you about it, later. Promise."
Tohru could understand that, though she didn't really like having to accept it. For now, she'd just have to content herself that Kyo had said it wasn't anything bad.
"Good night, Kyo."
"Sweet dreams, Tohru."
Kyo was walking down the hallway of the house, his footsteps making no sound on the polished floor. He was trying not to listen, not to let himself get drawn in, but he couldn't help it. Each step brought him closer, the words becoming clearer.
"It's your fault! Do you hear me, it's your fault! Out of everything you could have done, you did this! You disgust me!"
Closer. Footsteps still silent, still unnoticed.
"Does it make you happy, knowing you ruined us? That because of you, everyone looks down on us? Laughs at us? Spits on us?"
He didn't want to hear this. Why couldn't he stop listening?
"Because of you, our family is ruined! We'll never be able to lift up our heads again, either of us! Because you wanted a child. Because you begged for a child! And instead of a child, you gave us a monster!"
He wanted to cover his ears. Why wouldn't his hands listen? Why did they keep hanging so limply at his sides?
"That's right, a monster. And you...you actually claim to love that abomination! You know what it did to us! You know what it means for us! And you still try to protect it! You try to shelter it, even knowing all that it's capable of. You're a disgusting, unnatural woman, a miserable wife! Protecting that monster, choosing it over everything. Choosing it over me!"
Stop yelling...please stop yelling.
"I wish I'd never married you. I wish I'd never even seen you! You ruined my life! This is all your fault, for giving birth to that creature! Get out of my sight! I can't even stand to look at you anymore. The very sight of you makes me sick!"
Don't talk to her like that...don't talk to her like that!
"And don't you dare call that creature my son! That thing is not my son!"
Shut. Up.
"I wish you two would just disappear!"
SHUT UP!
"SHUT UP!"
"Kyo!"
Kyo shook his head sharply, the vision and voices fading from his mind. Instead, he saw instead their room at the dojo, the familiar and comforting sights of the paneled walls, the wardrobe, their suitcase.
Beside him, Tohru was sitting bolt upright, her eyes wide. He was sitting up too, he realized, and his hands were clenched into fists. He shook his head again, trying to shake off the intense tingle of adrenaline; even now, he could still feel his anger, radiating off him like a cloud.
Tohru's hand came to his back, sticking slightly to the sweaty skin. Then her voice, soft and reassuring. "Breathe, Kyo. Deep breaths. It's just a dream. You're ok. We're safe."
Kyo tried to follow her advice, breathing in, then out. Letting the feeling of cool air in his lungs center him, driving out the anger. Driving out the helplessness.
It wasn't perfect, but it helped. He could feel his heart rate start coming down, and his hands unclenched.
Tohru's hand was still on his back. "Just breathe."
Kyo took another deep breath, then dropped his head into his hands as he took another. Slowly but steadily, he could feel himself normalize. Feel the desire to lash out fade.
He took another breath, then lifted his head to look at Tohru. Her initial fear was gone, long replaced with concern. Worry. For him.
He sighed, then tried to smile. "Sorry, Tohru. So much for getting a good night's sleep, huh?"
Tohru returned the smile with a tiny one of her own." It's ok, Kyo." Then she paused. "Are you ok?"
He knew what she was asking. It had been a while, since he'd been woken up by dreams. But this one...this one, he hadn't had for a long time. Not so much a dream, as a memory. A memory he wanted so badly to forget.
How ironic, to have such a dream tonight.
He took another deep breath, then nodded. "Yeah...I'm ok. I'll be fine."
Tohru wasn't sure she believed him. "Do you want to tell me about it? It might make you feel better, talking about it." Sometimes he did, sometimes he didn't, but she always let him know she was there.
Kyo's expression twisted into a cynical smile. Would it make him feel better to talk about?
Maybe.
"I saw myself as a kid...the day before Mom died. Katashi was yelling at her, about me." His voice was quiet, but hard as steel. "I didn't want to listen...but I couldn't help it. I was never able to help it," he said sadly, the hardness gone. "Just like I was never able to help her."
Tohru had been expecting to hear something else; something that she was familiar with, something she could help soothe. A dream, something that had never happened. Something that never would happen.
Not this.
Now it was her turn to take a breath, her eyes automatically narrowing as she imagined just what That Man would have said. She knew all too well what his words had done, what they had pushed Kyo's mother to do. Words that Katashi had never owned up to, never admitted fault for. Words that he blamed entirely on Kyo.
"You were a child, Kyo; there wasn't anything you could have done. He tried so badly to blame everything on anyone other than himself, even things that didn't need blame. He threw away the wonderful things he had, and he didn't even see them. That's his loss. But it's not something you've ever been responsible for."
She gently touched his shoulder. "Here, lie down. Let's snuggle, ok?"
He still felt a little keyed up, but allowed himself to settle into her arms. She was warm and safe and loving; maybe that would be enough.
Tohru held Kyo quietly, noting with relief as he gradually relaxed. She had been so scared at first, woken out of a deep sleep by Kyo's angry snarl. Then fear had turned to concern, and she'd worried; it had been months since she'd last been woken by any of his dreams. And this...it seemed almost too cruel. Why did he need to dream of that, on his birthday of all days?
It wasn't fair.
Tohru had once hoped that a reconciliation would be possible between Kyo and Katashi. She'd actually even fought Kyo, because he wasn't willing to let her even meet his birth father. She'd been hopelessly optimistic, determined to believe that deep down, Katashi still wanted his family.
She'd been wrong. It had taken going behind Kyo's back to prove it, but she'd been wrong.
Kyo's breathing had slowed, and she realized to her surprised relief that he was already asleep. Once the adrenaline wore off, he must have simply crashed.
Even asleep, his brow was still furrowed, but the lines were starting to smooth out. Asleep, he looked almost boyish.
Had he looked so peaceful when he was a boy?
Sighing, Tohru closed her eyes.
It had been a long day.
