Title: pain and pleasure
Prompt: 44 / kiss out of lust
Characters/Pairings: Shin/Lena
A/N: For Feyra, two months late for valentines. This prompt with this ship XD and somehow I still managed to put in the angst. I blame the series. Lena feels like she'd feel guilty when she's happy, so burising kisses and rough touches let her feel like she's punished just enough to allow herself joy. (if I was a smut writer, these two would be exploring bdsm right now XD)
Summary: Shin had told Lena to carry his memory. She feared that was all she would have: a handful of smiles, a ghost of a laugh, his eyes glittering in the dark.
Maybe he feared the same. Maybe that was why, like clockwork, he came to her door on nights like these, on moments when tomorrow was too scary to think about. She had never asked. He had never said.
There was no need to, when they left marks on each other that were more tangible than a name tag.
…
…
…
…
Shin was at her door.
Lena couldn't say how she knew that, just that she did in the same way she knew how to steel herself in the face of danger or how to hold her breath while underwater. It was something instinctual, something baked into her bones and carved on her flesh. The sky was blue, her dorm was small, and Shin was at her door.
She sat on her bed, staring at her thick wood separating them. He knew she was awake, she was certain. In the same way she could feel his presence, he could feel hers, the ties of fear and danger binding them more tightly than red strings or fate. Maybe he could hear her heartbeat too, in the same way he listened to the Legion. Lena could just picture him standing at her door, his hands at his side, and she wondered if she'd open it before he knocked.
She wondered if she wanted to wait.
There was only one reason he was out there. It was the same one every time. The dossiers were on her desk, crinkled from how many times she had rifled through them. Tomorrow was another pseudo-suicidal mission. Almost every mission these days were a matter of life and death. Her lock of red hair never felt more appropriate than when she received another order. This country and people were different, but her job remained the same. She watched. She waited. She stayed behind.
At least this time, he had a choice in the matter.
At least this time, he was close enough to touch.
Lena slipped out of the bed before she could think about it, her nightgown brushing her knees as she padded across the cool hardwood floor. A soft click and she unlocked the door. A single tug and it was open, revealing a darkened hallway and a man who was barely taller than her.
Shin didn't say anything. Not that she expected him to; his body spoke in volumes, revealing every secret his mouth hid. There was just enough light that she could make out his expression. Once, she had thought of him as impassive and stoic. Now, she could read the single emotion burning in his eyes, the same one reflecting back in her own.
There was no one to witness this silent exchange. Whether it was mere luck or careful planning on his part, Lena wasn't sure. His hand reached up, cupping her cheek, his thumb brushing her eye. A slow heat filled her as she held her breath.
He cocked his head slightly, a question.
She answered by stepping back, leaving him just enough room to slip in. The door closed behind him with a satisfying clack. His shadow overlapped hers and she shivered in anticipation.
Before she could say anything, his mouth was on hers, his fingers tangling in her hair. She grabbed his collar, yanking him closer still. Her nails scratched his shirt, digging into his back, and he shuddered.
"Lena," he groaned, breaking the silence as he dipped his head. His teeth grazed her skin before latching onto her neck and leaving a mark that mingled pain and pleasure.
She retaliated with a punishing kiss of her own. Her fingers fumbled as she unbuttoned his shirt. When she was younger, she'd imagined this moment as soft, almost magical. Not a mess of senses and demanding touches, her back bracing against the wall as he explored further and further south.
But then, younger her had never known the truth of her world. Or the suffocating pain of being a survivor, of carrying the weight of countless others. Or how a moment of bliss felt like guilt and a second of hurt felt like relief. Of how nails and teeth could draw both blood and desire, as though absolving her of her sins.
Younger her had never imagined the world collapsing around her as she lost everything.
There were few things Lena was confident of these days. Her homeland was destroyed, its people left in tatters, its buildings smouldering rubble. Despite recent victories, the war felt endless and the Legion immortal. She lived now in a country once thought long gone, amongst people where her hair colour was an anomaly.
Her life had splintered and then shattered with each new revelation.
But Shin was here. Shin was here and he was alive and his body anchored hers as they tumbled onto her narrow bed. His warmth was real and she soaked it in as he marked every inch of her with the fastidiousness she'd come to expect from him.
She gasped as he found a particularly sensitive spot.
Tomorrow was another dangerous mission. Life was short, regrets were heavy, and Lena was tired of learning that lesson over and over again. It was better to live in the moment than fear the future.
And in this moment, the world was just this room, just his touch, just the maddening heat between them. Just his teeth and fingers leaving reminders she wished were permanent. Shin had told her to carry his memory. She feared that was all she would have: a handful of smiles, a ghost of a laugh, his eyes glittering in the dark.
Maybe he feared the same. Maybe that was why, like clockwork, he came to her door on nights like these, on moments when tomorrow was too scary to think about. She had never asked. He had never said.
There was no need to, when they left marks on each other that were more tangible than a name tag.
In the morning, she'd wake up to bruised lips and hickeys, to a crumpled uniform and stained sheets. His back would be littered with scratches and his shoulder would sport a faint bite mark. Solid evidence that they existed, even if only for a single night longer.
If she was lucky, before her hickeys faded, before her skin healed and his scent disappeared from her room, Shin would return home in once piece.
